Holding things in

[Shot in the Facebook]

For years I've held my feelings in. I never told anyone what I was thinking, how I felt, my rather serious problems. When I would let my feelings out, I would get suicidal. I honestly don't know what to do now. I hate counseling. I find it scary to talk to people. Period. But of course like most people, online I'm myself. I try to talk to my boyfriend about my problems and my feelings but I he doesn't understand what I'm trying to say. I don't even know what he thinks of me now.

I guess I'm posting this to have support of some kind because I don't have it where I am now. It would be nice to find someone I CAN actually talk to.

[fubenkunai]

Maybe starting with a journal could help you? It's a safe way to get all the junk out of your head. Once it's all on the page, you can organize what's bothering you and see if there aren't steps you can take by yourself to fix things. The stuff that you can't fix alone, or the themes that you'll see developing, might need to be brought to someone who can help-- and when you do that, you'll have your handy written outline to help you with the speaking! You might never be a really open, talkative person, and that's okay. You just don't have to cut yourself off completely either. You can take these little steps toward organizing problems and breaking them down into something you feel comfortable talking about.

[Daku-Naku]

I gave up on talking to people a long a** time ago. Either they couldn't comprehend my situation at all or they assumed I was overreacting to things. (When in reality I was being abused and that amplified everything else that was bothering me at the time.)

The only place I'm myself is in my writing. (Occasionally my drawings, but those are usually meh.)

I can't even fully confide in my fiance because I'm such a ******** up. But hey, least I've got someone to cling to, and I do love him.

I'm getting off topic.

I agree with the journal suggestion. I used to write journals with everything I was really thinking and then once they filled up I'd throw them out, so no one would ever know.

[Honey of the South]

Ugh, I'm the same way. A lot of times what ends up happening is that I put my emotions into my artwork. The original stuff, anyways. I want to talk about things, but I feel like people don't listen to me in the first place. When it gets really bad I end up venting at my stuffed animals and it actually kind of helps, because (for me, anyways) vocalizing things helps me to organize my thoughts.

The journal thing's not a bad idea tho.

[Phorr]

First off, I don't know whether to take you seriously wink
and secondly fubenkunai's comment could be really helpful.
I find it easier to sleep when I write down a list of problems, otherwise they play on your mind all the time.

[Shot in the Facebook]

Daku-Naku

I gave up on talking to people a long a** time ago. Either they couldn't comprehend my situation at all or they assumed I was overreacting to things. (When in reality I was being abused and that amplified everything else that was bothering me at the time.)

The only place I'm myself is in my writing. (Occasionally my drawings, but those are usually meh.)

I can't even fully confide in my fiance because I'm such a ******** up. But hey, least I've got someone to cling to, and I do love him.

I'm getting off topic.

I agree with the journal suggestion. I used to write journals with everything I was really thinking and then once they filled up I'd throw them out, so no one would ever know.

We actually have a lot in common then..

I've tried having journals. I usually end up forgetting to write in it and it just collects dust. I don't even know what to write.

[Daku-Naku]

Shot in the Facebook

We actually have a lot in common then..

I've tried having journals. I usually end up forgetting to write in it and it just collects dust. I don't even know what to write.

I usually end up writing the stupidest s**t. I'll start with something completely unrelated to what's really bugging me and then as I keep writing it molds into a monologue about how much my life isn't going the way I want it to. *shrug* You just have to like, give it time to come out of you. Or something.

I draw in my journals too, so sometimes I'll end up with a page of discombobulated, overlapped doodles instead of actual words. Whatever makes you feel better is what will work; it doesn't really have to make any sense.

Most of my journals make zero sense to anyone else who tries to read them. And purging them with fire is always therapeutic too. Sometimes I dispose of them by burning them. It oddly helps.

[Shot in the Facebook]

Daku-Naku

Shot in the Facebook

We actually have a lot in common then..

I've tried having journals. I usually end up forgetting to write in it and it just collects dust. I don't even know what to write.

I usually end up writing the stupidest s**t. I'll start with something completely unrelated to what's really bugging me and then as I keep writing it molds into a monologue about how much my life isn't going the way I want it to. *shrug* You just have to like, give it time to come out of you. Or something.

I draw in my journals too, so sometimes I'll end up with a page of discombobulated, overlapped doodles instead of actual words. Whatever makes you feel better is what will work; it doesn't really have to make any sense.

Most of my journals make zero sense to anyone else who tries to read them. And purging them with fire is always therapeutic too. Sometimes I dispose of them by burning them. It oddly helps.

I will try it. Thank you. (: