High levels of ignorance detected. AbortAbortAbort!

[Skypyro]

RacistMuffinsOwO

Skypyro

She can move and still go to school.
Talk to your partner about this if you haven't already. Have a good long, maybe several, discussions over it. If she wants to stay there while finishing HS then let her and just be her support. She's dealt with her mother this long and yes I get how she shouldn't any longer but I bet she's developed some tune out defenses over it. Uhm another thing is if she is gonna move out she should probably start looking for a job..to help unless whereever she is moving doesn't mind I suppose.
As long as she gets to stable place...her mom sounds like she needs therapy.

Still attending school really isn't an option if she goes. xD
It isn't a public school, so it'd be a waste of that education when she is nearly finished with it.
She intends to get a job but I won't force her to right away. I'm trying to save up extra for that.

Well then..she might have to wait.

[Zultim]

I do not think she's being ignorant. She just seems like an irritable person.
A while ago, me and my ex were laying on my bed READING. My mom freaked out about that. One time when I went to his house, his mom did not want me sitting at the table with him. (Hahaha. Irritable beings.)

It's one of those annoying facts. Not all parents will like who their kid is dating. It could be for some odd/weird reasons..."I just don't like her."

The fact that she blames you for her yelling at her daughter is just her making another excuse. Ugh, don't take it personal. She's just one of those annoying things. Personally, I would say that you should not be so involved with her life concerning her mother. You are probably trying to be protective over her; she will just see it as you trying to turn her daughter against her. It's best if you stopped going over to her place. You would only be seen as a trespasser.

Your mate should finish school "walking on eggshells." She should be used to it by now. She is almost done! Then she could move out (if she wants to) and could live without the stress of dealing with a mom who looks for reasons to yell at her/you. =)

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

shooshpaps

Does your friend/partner genuinely feel like she needs to get out of the house? It's hard to tell whether most of the emotion here is coming from you or if she's feeling the same way. You mentioned that she gets yelled at by her mother all the time, but is this the kind of thing a person needs to escape from or the typical way a teenager reacts to parenting? Again, it's hard to tell, since you mentioned some silly things her mother has gotten upset over.

If she's seventeen, she's almost a legal adult and can do whatever she feels is necessary once she reaches adulthood. But unless she feels genuinely cornered/verbally or emotionally abused, you shouldn't try to fight her battles for her. It can make things a lot more messy than they should be. My suggestion would be to hear her out when she's upset with her mother until she becomes an adult herself and can make her own decisions.

I do hear her out o3o Pretty much every time.
I can't fight her battles for her I just wish I could help.
Yeah, that can be a reaction to parenting. But whenever her dad yells at her she listens. When her mom yells.. Well it happens all the time. There's always something. Not even good reasons 90% of the time.
But I don't think it's a reason to go right away. I just think that if she is still treated that way when she gets older she shouldn't have to put up with it and I'm willing to go with her wherever she decides is better.
Then when it gets bad and she wants to go the most and I can't do anything cause I know time needs to be taken it's just really upsetting.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

Skypyro

She can move and still go to school.
Talk to your partner about this if you haven't already. Have a good long, maybe several, discussions over it. If she wants to stay there while finishing HS then let her and just be her support. She's dealt with her mother this long and yes I get how she shouldn't any longer but I bet she's developed some tune out defenses over it. Uhm another thing is if she is gonna move out she should probably start looking for a job..to help unless whereever she is moving doesn't mind I suppose.
As long as she gets to stable place...her mom sounds like she needs therapy.

Still attending school really isn't an option if she goes. xD
It isn't a public school, so it'd be a waste of that education when she is nearly finished with it.
She intends to get a job but I won't force her to right away. I'm trying to save up extra for that.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

Atomic Bride

How does your friend actually feel about her mother though? All this thread is is how you feel and how you want to do something about it, which is fine there's nothing wrong with being protective, but maybe it doesn't bother her as much as it bothers you? It might sound crazy, but it's just something to think about.

If she wants out of the house when she's done with high school, take time now to look into housing and stuff so that you are all ready to go once she's done. You can't really do anything about her mother now unless you want to get into emancipation, but that doesn't seem necessary really. Until she's old enough to move out, you should be there as her support and someone to make her happy and just try your best to ignore her mom for now.

How she feels about her mother greatly effects how I feel about it.
She doesn't want to put up with it.
Though she does get kinda irrational when she's really upset.
That's the reason why I haven't done anything, and don't intend to unless it continues on to when she is old enough to move out and go wherever.
Honestly, I hope her mom treats her better when she's old enough to make her own decision.
I don't think she should have to lose contact with her parents or anything like that at all.
It just frustrates me to no end when I see her hurting and there's no way to change the cause.
But that's only natural. And you do raise a good point, I shouldn't become centered on my own feelings about it.
I won't/haven't really, we share similar feelings about it. She just can't voice hers here. ;w;

[shooshpaps]

Does your friend/partner genuinely feel like she needs to get out of the house? It's hard to tell whether most of the emotion here is coming from you or if she's feeling the same way. You mentioned that she gets yelled at by her mother all the time, but is this the kind of thing a person needs to escape from or the typical way a teenager reacts to parenting? Again, it's hard to tell, since you mentioned some silly things her mother has gotten upset over.

If she's seventeen, she's almost a legal adult and can do whatever she feels is necessary once she reaches adulthood. But unless she feels genuinely cornered/verbally or emotionally abused, you shouldn't try to fight her battles for her. It can make things a lot more messy than they should be. My suggestion would be to hear her out when she's upset with her mother until she becomes an adult herself and can make her own decisions.

[Skypyro]

She can move and still go to school.
Talk to your partner about this if you haven't already. Have a good long, maybe several, discussions over it. If she wants to stay there while finishing HS then let her and just be her support. She's dealt with her mother this long and yes I get how she shouldn't any longer but I bet she's developed some tune out defenses over it. Uhm another thing is if she is gonna move out she should probably start looking for a job..to help unless whereever she is moving doesn't mind I suppose.
As long as she gets to stable place...her mom sounds like she needs therapy.

[Atomic Bride]

How does your friend actually feel about her mother though? All this thread is is how you feel and how you want to do something about it, which is fine there's nothing wrong with being protective, but maybe it doesn't bother her as much as it bothers you? It might sound crazy, but it's just something to think about.

If she wants out of the house when she's done with high school, take time now to look into housing and stuff so that you are all ready to go once she's done. You can't really do anything about her mother now unless you want to get into emancipation, but that doesn't seem necessary really. Until she's old enough to move out, you should be there as her support and someone to make her happy and just try your best to ignore her mom for now.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

legnanellaf5

RacistMuffinsOwO

legnanellaf5

Well, if you are in a realtionship, her mom is actually on point about that. You shoudlnt expect like to be on your partner's bed in the parent's house like that anyways? That would be something a lot of parents arent into.

What do you think you can do? Because as she is a minor she cant just leave. Running away isnt a good option and it can lead to some legal issues for you. If oyu want you can call cps and stuff, idk if she has other relatives to go to, but school isnt a big issue as that can be sorted out.

She does and I'd be very willing to be open about it, if it wouldn't get her in endless trouble and me restrained. They aren't accepting of that sort of thing. Never will be.
And I'm not stupid enough to come out with it even if it means it's doing things the correct way.
If there is a correct way to handle parents that would wanna murder you if they found out you're dating their daughter..
Anyways, the reason she was angry over it was kinda silly. We weren't being all snuggly or anything like that. Just laying across the bed and talking.
Me and my cousins and other friends would do that and nothing would really be meant by it.

Idk why you think you would get a restraining order? It makes no sense that you would for reporting what is a crime, and you cant really do that just for dating their daughter. Unless you are like crazy older it isnt like you have any reason to fear. I bet that she probably has a suspicion about the relationship (just not willing to confront because scared), you dont need to be snuggling to have a parent annoyed over that. I know that I am not really allowed to be in my boyfriend's room alone at his house, even if it isnt anything, like when I go wake him up he always says that. His parents are chill with me staying over and such but not hanging out in his room.

Also her mom working at the school doesnt change anything. That has no bearing on the legal stuff they have to do.

I'm legally an adult and she is almost seventeen. (Say it's gross if you'd like, but it's not a dramatic difference. xD Just barely enough to possibly get me in trouble.)
So they still probably could. Especially if they made stuff up.
Even if they didn't get a restraining order, I'd never be able to see her. They would have her on something like lockdown. She'd never be able to leave the house and if she was they would be close enough to get her. They are friends with police which I am sure they could get on their side if they made it sound like I'm crazy and/or dangerous.
Her mom working at the school would make it easy to force her back.
And the way that school works, the other adults would side with her mom and make it happen.

The thing about emotional abuse is, most people won't pay attention to it. Unless the damage is physical, it's not worth noting. Even if CPS was called, I doubt it'd matter.
Besides, they aren't bad people. Her dad is pretty chill most of the time and trusts her to make good decisions. And she does. Her mom just tries to force all of her points of views on her and makes her do what she thinks is best and what she wants. If she doesn't.. Like I said, screaming, taking privileges, things, degrading, all to the point of her eventually giving in.
There's discipline, then there's selfishness. It leans more to the latter.

That's understandable, most parents don't allow their kid and the girl/boy they are dating in the same room together too long.
It's something I would completely respect if it wasn't for the fact that they wouldn't accept us being together in the first place.
I do feel guilty about hiding that, but I can't just.. Not be with her, y'know?
As gross and evil and mislead as people assume it is, I can't let it go.
It's like, I found my other half but 90% of the people who could see the full picture would just try to burn it down.

[legnanellaf5]

RacistMuffinsOwO

legnanellaf5

Well, if you are in a realtionship, her mom is actually on point about that. You shoudlnt expect like to be on your partner's bed in the parent's house like that anyways? That would be something a lot of parents arent into.

What do you think you can do? Because as she is a minor she cant just leave. Running away isnt a good option and it can lead to some legal issues for you. If oyu want you can call cps and stuff, idk if she has other relatives to go to, but school isnt a big issue as that can be sorted out.

She does and I'd be very willing to be open about it, if it wouldn't get her in endless trouble and me restrained. They aren't accepting of that sort of thing. Never will be.
And I'm not stupid enough to come out with it even if it means it's doing things the correct way.
If there is a correct way to handle parents that would wanna murder you if they found out you're dating their daughter..
Anyways, the reason she was angry over it was kinda silly. We weren't being all snuggly or anything like that. Just laying across the bed and talking.
Me and my cousins and other friends would do that and nothing would really be meant by it.

Idk why you think you would get a restraining order? It makes no sense that you would for reporting what is a crime, and you cant really do that just for dating their daughter. Unless you are like crazy older it isnt like you have any reason to fear. I bet that she probably has a suspicion about the relationship (just not willing to confront because scared), you dont need to be snuggling to have a parent annoyed over that. I know that I am not really allowed to be in my boyfriend's room alone at his house, even if it isnt anything, like when I go wake him up he always says that. His parents are chill with me staying over and such but not hanging out in his room.

Also her mom working at the school doesnt change anything. That has no bearing on the legal stuff they have to do.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

legnanellaf5

Well, if you are in a realtionship, her mom is actually on point about that. You shoudlnt expect like to be on your partner's bed in the parent's house like that anyways? That would be something a lot of parents arent into.

What do you think you can do? Because as she is a minor she cant just leave. Running away isnt a good option and it can lead to some legal issues for you. If oyu want you can call cps and stuff, idk if she has other relatives to go to, but school isnt a big issue as that can be sorted out.

She does and I'd be very willing to be open about it, if it wouldn't get her in endless trouble and me restrained. They aren't accepting of that sort of thing. Never will be.
And I'm not stupid enough to come out with it even if it means it's doing things the correct way.
If there is a correct way to handle parents that would wanna murder you if they found out you're dating their daughter..
Anyways, the reason she was angry over it was kinda silly. We weren't being all snuggly or anything like that. Just laying across the bed and talking.
Me and my cousins and other friends would do that and nothing would really be meant by it.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

Yume Kara Sasayaku

A person can move and still attend school, there are plenty of ways to go about it so she can graduate. Her mother is controlling and abusive. If she feels REJECTED over the love of an ANIMAL for someone else, that is not normal. None of it is. If you can offer this young lady a safe, stable environment, I'd say do it. You can explore plenty of options for her finishing school once she's safe and out of the controlling environment. Nobody should spend every waking moment being torn down for this or that. I've lived in that kind of situation, and after only 2 months it drove me insane. I couldn't even function by the time a friend got my family out of it.

Which is why I wouldn't feel bad about it. ;w; Though I do care a lot for her parents, I care more for her and her well-being. If she isn't being treated right, things aren't gonna go over well with me. But her mom works at the school she attends so that would be out of the option. Graduation is soon enough. If anything is to be done it has to wait. Until then I'm trying my best to make things smooth for her.

[legnanellaf5]

Well, if you are in a realtionship, her mom is actually on point about that. You shoudlnt expect like to be on your partner's bed in the parent's house like that anyways? That would be something a lot of parents arent into.

What do you think you can do? Because as she is a minor she cant just leave. Running away isnt a good option and it can lead to some legal issues for you. If oyu want you can call cps and stuff, idk if she has other relatives to go to, but school isnt a big issue as that can be sorted out.

[Whisper the Lightbringer]

A person can move and still attend school, there are plenty of ways to go about it so she can graduate. Her mother is controlling and abusive. If she feels REJECTED over the love of an ANIMAL for someone else, that is not normal. None of it is. If you can offer this young lady a safe, stable environment, I'd say do it. You can explore plenty of options for her finishing school once she's safe and out of the controlling environment. Nobody should spend every waking moment being torn down for this or that. I've lived in that kind of situation, and after only 2 months it drove me insane. I couldn't even function by the time a friend got my family out of it.

[RacistMuffinsOwO]

I come over to my mate's house all the time, so I get to see a lot of this. And every bit of her life that she has to deal with.
Basically, her mom controls her life.
And she's always angry about something.
Last time it was cause the cat liked us too much and it was making her feel rejected.
So we are no longer allowed to feed/pet/love on him anymore.
This time it's cause she felt like I'm stealing her parent position.
I WAS CLEANING HER EAR. REALLY?
And before that she was going on to accuse that us laying on the same bed when we are not sleeping is gay and disgusting and "How dare you do that in my house"
Another was because I followed my mate too much. ;w; It's only natural, I love her.
But the actual reasons can't be told and it should be obvious on why. xD Separation and restraining orders are not an option.
Besides, her only reasoning for being angry about it was cause it makes it hard to yell at her daughter.
Think yuh don't do that enough already?
Another time was because she didn't wanna go look at clothes with her and she just wanted to go home.
The list goes on so I won't bore you guys with anymore details. It's just that I want to get her out of this situation cause I don't think it's healthy for her to be walking on eggshells all the time. But that would mean robbing her of an education cause she's on her last year and a half of highschool.
Really I have ideas of how to handle this I'm just curious to see second opinions.
I know getting her away from her parents probably seems like the wrong thing to do too. But if her mother is always getting angry at her over petty things and is willing to yell at her and be angry with her for hours on end over it..And won't let her choose much for her own+Gets all pissed when she tries and is like "Oh but you always get your way!" When that's clearly not the case..
It just makes me sick to my stomach, really.
I wish I could do something about it right now. And maybe if the lady realized that she doesn't HAVE to stick around, she might learn to stop being so angry with her all the time and that just letting things go is an option.