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For the last 4 and a half years or so I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, whom I live with. Let's say about 6 years ago I had my first sexual encounter, very minimal, and only did it because of pressure. Anyway, about a year into my current relationship we started experimenting, eventually culminating in actual sex.

All this vagueness aside, I don't seem to enjoy it. It kind of hurts, and even after it stops hurting I find that my mind is just elsewhere. Even when we are just messing around I can't wait for it to be over. Generally it grosses me out.

Personally I've always believed that whatever you are naturally is best for you, however I do love my boyfriend quite a lot and we have seriously discussed marriage, kids, etc. Occasionally I am sexually attracted to him, but those times are few and far between.

Anyway, the point is I believe I am graysexual. I am in a serious relationship with someone who is very sexual. Suggestions on ways to "get over it" or make sex more enjoyable or at least bearable?
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Fashionable Fairy

Pepper-Jack
For the last 4 and a half years or so I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, whom I live with. Let's say about 6 years ago I had my first sexual encounter, very minimal, and only did it because of pressure. Anyway, about a year into my current relationship we started experimenting, eventually culminating in actual sex.

All this vagueness aside, I don't seem to enjoy it. It kind of hurts, and even after it stops hurting I find that my mind is just elsewhere. Even when we are just messing around I can't wait for it to be over. Generally it grosses me out.

Personally I've always believed that whatever you are naturally is best for you, however I do love my boyfriend quite a lot and we have seriously discussed marriage, kids, etc. Occasionally I am sexually attracted to him, but those times are few and far between.

Anyway, the point is I believe I am graysexual. I am in a serious relationship with someone who is very sexual. Suggestions on ways to "get over it" or make sex more enjoyable or at least bearable?


i'm demisexual. The only person i've ever been sexually attracted to is my partner, but I don't always want sex either...sometimes it's downright annoying and just frustrating. My partner might be too... idk for sure. For me gender has nothing to do with sexual attraction, it's about the relationship I form with the person that makes me even think about having sex. I'm also fascinated by sex because i don't want it nearly as much as most other people, and am just curious about it, but don't have the desire to do much of anything...
I've experineced being grossed out by sex before, and i think that is a combo of my demisexuality and previous sexual abuse... you seem very relatable to me.
At times I don't want to ever have sex again, and at other times I feel the exact opposite about my partner. It's weird... idk if i'm helping or just ranting, but what I find works for me is create a very romantic environment for the two of you. My partner and I take showers together and sleep naked not for any sexual reasons, just to feel the physical intimacy and closeness it provides. It satisfied my emotional needs, and after making a habit of that I find that I am more inclined to want to be sexual with my partner. Sensual, romantic sex is the best type of sex for me, I don't like just ******** for the sake of ********, that's when i hate sex the most.
Relax and smell your partner, it connects two people immensely just to take in eachothers scents. Also don't feel like you have to have sex all the time to please your partner, because if you aren't comfortable with something and you do it anyway you'll feel awful, trust me.
Read Cherry Poptart: it has dinosaurs, ray guns, and sex scenes so god-awful that you'll realize this universe is all harmony and bliss in comparison. You see, Shredder is really a woman and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are shooting heroin while Mickey Mouse is attempting to wrangle their action figure empire eek
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Why do people need to keep on making names for things? Graysexual isnt real, holy ********, you know that normal peopel at times dont feel sexual attraction at all and that having a low sex drive is a thing and isnt a sexuality? Yeah. Exactly.

You shoudlnt be forced to just get over it and have sex anyways, but if he is super sexual he needs to have his needs met. If oyu are okay with sex then continue with it, but you may want to look at open relationship stuff.
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angel_259236102
Why do people need to keep on making names for things? Graysexual isnt real, holy ********, you know that normal peopel at times dont feel sexual attraction at all and that having a low sex drive is a thing and isnt a sexuality? Yeah. Exactly.

You shoudlnt be forced to just get over it and have sex anyways, but if he is super sexual he needs to have his needs met. If oyu are okay with sex then continue with it, but you may want to look at open relationship stuff.


I agree, these definitions are getting obnoxious.

To precisely define sexuality is to completely miss the point.
d a n d y - f a t - c a t's avatar

Man-Hungry Fatcat

Is there anything your partner could do to get you more interested in sex?

It shouldn't hurt and you shouldn't keep having sex if it does or if you do not enjoy it.
Tuah
angel_259236102
Why do people need to keep on making names for things? Graysexual isnt real, holy ********, you know that normal peopel at times dont feel sexual attraction at all and that having a low sex drive is a thing and isnt a sexuality? Yeah. Exactly.

You shoudlnt be forced to just get over it and have sex anyways, but if he is super sexual he needs to have his needs met. If oyu are okay with sex then continue with it, but you may want to look at open relationship stuff.


I agree, these definitions are getting obnoxious.

To precisely define sexuality is to completely miss the point.
:*・°☆.。.:*・:
:*・°☆.。.:*・:
Maybe you just have a low sex drive?
I'm asexual. I haven't felt sexual attraction at all in my life, even though I've been in love and in a number of relationships. I'm in one currently, and we're engaged. She's asexual as well - I decided some years back to only date fellow asexuals to prevent any awkward conversations, or worse, awkward break-ups.

My best advice to you is to just sit down as a couple and talk this out. There are names for different sexualities, they are real, and while it may be possible that you have a low sex drive, being graysexual is equally possible. There is no one solution to a problem like this. Everything has to be taken into consideration and the two of you have to work it out in a way that's best for you both. I wish you luck.

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i'm [insert made up stupid s**t here because i'm a ******** idiot] and sex gets old for lots of people.
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If you're not interested in sex, you shouldn't have to feel like it's not okay to say that.

If your boyfriend cares about you, he should understand. You shouldn't be pressured into sex ever, and shouldn't have it unless you're enthusiastically saying "yes, I want this".

If your sexuality is on the asexual spectrum, there is no way to just "get over it". You are who you are.

Maybe talk to your boyfriend and see if you can only have sex when YOU are sexually attracted to him, however seldom.
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Satans Fox
Tuah
angel_259236102
Why do people need to keep on making names for things? Graysexual isnt real, holy ********, you know that normal peopel at times dont feel sexual attraction at all and that having a low sex drive is a thing and isnt a sexuality? Yeah. Exactly.

You shoudlnt be forced to just get over it and have sex anyways, but if he is super sexual he needs to have his needs met. If oyu are okay with sex then continue with it, but you may want to look at open relationship stuff.


I agree, these definitions are getting obnoxious.

To precisely define sexuality is to completely miss the point.
:*・°☆.。.:*・:
:*・°☆.。.:*・:


he doesn't "need to get his needs met". If he's going to die unless he gets off, he can masturbate. OP should not be forced to do anything they are not explicitly up for.
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Duckling Teeth
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Tuah
angel_259236102
Why do people need to keep on making names for things? Graysexual isnt real, holy ********, you know that normal peopel at times dont feel sexual attraction at all and that having a low sex drive is a thing and isnt a sexuality? Yeah. Exactly.

You shoudlnt be forced to just get over it and have sex anyways, but if he is super sexual he needs to have his needs met. If oyu are okay with sex then continue with it, but you may want to look at open relationship stuff.


I agree, these definitions are getting obnoxious.

To precisely define sexuality is to completely miss the point.
:*・°☆.。.:*・:
:*・°☆.。.:*・:


he doesn't "need to get his needs met". If he's going to die unless he gets off, he can masturbate. OP should not be forced to do anything they are not explicitly up for.

I don't think she suggested anywhere in there that the OP should be 'forced' into anything.
But some people are very sexual and masturbation is not the same as sex. A lot of the time they want that closeness they feel while having sex with the person they love. It helps feed the connection. It's not always just to get their rocks off :/
Also it may not be a need like food, water, and oxygen is to live; but it may be a need in order for them to have a happy, lasting relationship.
people need to stop making a type of sexuality for every little problem. you're not graysexual, i'm assuming you're straight because..idk i just am. correct me if i'm wrong. but you're a girl, he's a guy, that makes you HETEROSEXUAL. no purplesexual, blacksexual, demisexual, graysexual or any of the stupid stuff people make up. but as for your real problem, don't be forced to, explain the problem. if you feel bad and want to do it just never have the urge see if you can take some medication.
In defense of the OP, I think sometimes having a name/label for yourself can be validating. I'm not "a person who is both homosexual and heterosexual" or "likes boys and girl." I'm bisexual. Labels are a way of saying that the behavior being labeled is not entirely anomalous. You're not alone in the world. It's part of who you are, an identity. "Graysexual" may not be the most specific word to describe the OP's situation, but we shouldn't fight the existence of a label itself. Low sex-drive, while accurately describing the situation, carries the connotation of being something to be fixed. I've experienced low sex-drive due to hormonal imbalance and was desperate to get back to loving sex. "Graysexual" seems to be describing somebody with low sex-drive who's okay with that. Like I said before, having a specific term changes it from a condition to an identity.

I agree that there are bajillions of words and terms being created to describe various sexualities, gender expressions, orientations and so on. It's confusing and annoying, but I think that the people creating and using these terms have good reason to do so.

To the OP: I don't know what to do about the psychological side of your troubles, but for sure, sex should never be physically painful (unless you're into that kind of thing). I would make an appointment with the male equivalent of a gynecologist (Do urologists provide advice for gay sex? Out of my depth here). It might feel awkward to talk about (unless you're super comfy talking about this kind of stuff - more power to you), but if it allows you less pain and more freedom in your sexual choices, it will be entirely worth it.

Other suggestion: For me, the more orgasms I'm having, the higher my libido is. Therefore, if I want to really enjoy hooking up with my boyfriend, it's better if I'm masturbating more frequently. I read about this in Cosmo, so I don't think it's just me. That said, I'm not sure if it applies to men.

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