Mingo Mui
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Posted: Sat, 20 Nov 2004 16:27:00 +0000
Thanks for taking the time to read this. (Summarized version on 2nd POST)
1st POST: Details about the situation
2nd POST: Edits if any +updates + summary of first post
A while back I finally stood up for myself and broke up with my ex-girlfriend and of course my girlfriend at the time back then. This was a few months ago and we had been dating for about 2 years before the break. I had finally gathered the courage, strength and with the support and advise of friends, I finally broke things off. I had always been encouraged to do this by many friends way back even before we dated for over a year. I eventually lost many friends because of this relationship. I later on found out that the cause behind all the s**t that happened between my friends and I were caused by my ex-girlfriend. She had being causing s**t behind my back to my friends. She never managed to persaude some of my close friends into whatever she was trying to make them believe but she did manage to drag away quite a few of my casual friends that I hung out with frequently. There was one time she did come across one of my best friend and I, that I've known for almost 10 years. Thankfully that friendship was recovered after the huge misunderstanding. After the first year of the relationship I had lost a majority of friends and I only had a few close friends and my girlfriend at the time.
During the 2nd year of our relationship things seemed well at first but obviously it was more or less an illusion of the truth. She had started skipping her classes at university and was dating a 30 year old man. We were both 18 turning 19 at the time. She skipped classes to meet with this man and often made trips to his house together. *cough* I won't get into details with that considering I wasn't personally there so I can't make remarks on what may have or didn't occur. Eventually I found out a few months down the road. Even though I forgave her and gave her the opportunity to start over, she continued to cheat behind my back. She would continue to miss class to see him. Make lies about going to sleep early and then go out with him at night and eventually sleep over at his place. Even after about 6 months of this cheating, I purposed a fresh start again. This time with a plan to move out together to start fresh. She has always wanted to move out but criticized my ability to earn enough. At the time I was enrolled in school full time and was making approximately 10K from my part time job. Part of her reason she said she continued to be with that man was because she said he's more mature and has a set career. I always told her, "What do you expect me to do? I haven't finished my studies in accoutning yet, and if I were in my 30's I'm sure I'd be well set as well. It's not like he's that great anyways, he's only an assistant manager at Sony retail." (No offensive to retail managers out there. I said that to her over fustration and because she always insulted my ability with him as an example.) Anyways besides the little details here she ended up rejecting my offer to move out the day of the move after everything was set and she orginally had agreed to move and rent was paid. So we never moved. We continued to go back and forth depending on her mood and whether the other man was giving her any attention because he had his own steady girlfriend and they were engaged. During this time she also moved on and off with a few other men.
She then eventually moved out and dropped out of school. After her many nights with various men sleeping over I just couldn't endure anymore. As much pain as it is leaving her, I could not watch this continue any longer. And at the right moments the right people slapped the right sense into me. And I finally managed to seperate myself from her. I took my own advice and others and stayed as far as I could and ignore her 100's of calls a day. I've managed pretty well to focus on my studies and move on. It's been some hard times but I've been able to move on and continue with a new life. I feel free.
Recently she has begun to call again. I continued to ignore her. She would leave voicemails about how she's sorry and wants to start over or at least be friends. Start over is for sure out the question. I've moved on and I know I have no feelings of that sort for her. Her betrayal made it easier to let things go and so I don't feel for her like that anymore. But should I accept her apology and give her a chance to be my friend? I don't have many friends left. And she knows me well and can solve my problems considering we dated for a couple of years. But does she even deserve that chance after everything she's done? Does she deserve another chance after all the many times I have forgiven her in the past? My friends say no and say I should continue to ignore her because she has done enough damage in my life and shouldn't take anymore risks with her. Also they think I shouldn't add more burden to my life and be reminded of the past.
Should I forgive or forget? Should I ignore or be friends? If I want to forget, what can I do to get her to stop bothering me? She consistantly calls and just doesn't understand to stop. Please give me your opinion on the situation as well. Was I wrong in the relationship? Is it my fault for not making enough money to support her wishes? Let me know what you think. It would help to get more peoples opinion considering I didn't have as many friends to talk to about this, so I thought I'd bring it to Gaia and see what Gaians would think. Thanks for taking the time to read this and make comments. I thank you all very much!
Note: Person in my siggy is not the person this post is talking about. Kitty is my saviour and a great person. biggrin
1st POST: Details about the situation
2nd POST: Edits if any +updates + summary of first post
A while back I finally stood up for myself and broke up with my ex-girlfriend and of course my girlfriend at the time back then. This was a few months ago and we had been dating for about 2 years before the break. I had finally gathered the courage, strength and with the support and advise of friends, I finally broke things off. I had always been encouraged to do this by many friends way back even before we dated for over a year. I eventually lost many friends because of this relationship. I later on found out that the cause behind all the s**t that happened between my friends and I were caused by my ex-girlfriend. She had being causing s**t behind my back to my friends. She never managed to persaude some of my close friends into whatever she was trying to make them believe but she did manage to drag away quite a few of my casual friends that I hung out with frequently. There was one time she did come across one of my best friend and I, that I've known for almost 10 years. Thankfully that friendship was recovered after the huge misunderstanding. After the first year of the relationship I had lost a majority of friends and I only had a few close friends and my girlfriend at the time.
During the 2nd year of our relationship things seemed well at first but obviously it was more or less an illusion of the truth. She had started skipping her classes at university and was dating a 30 year old man. We were both 18 turning 19 at the time. She skipped classes to meet with this man and often made trips to his house together. *cough* I won't get into details with that considering I wasn't personally there so I can't make remarks on what may have or didn't occur. Eventually I found out a few months down the road. Even though I forgave her and gave her the opportunity to start over, she continued to cheat behind my back. She would continue to miss class to see him. Make lies about going to sleep early and then go out with him at night and eventually sleep over at his place. Even after about 6 months of this cheating, I purposed a fresh start again. This time with a plan to move out together to start fresh. She has always wanted to move out but criticized my ability to earn enough. At the time I was enrolled in school full time and was making approximately 10K from my part time job. Part of her reason she said she continued to be with that man was because she said he's more mature and has a set career. I always told her, "What do you expect me to do? I haven't finished my studies in accoutning yet, and if I were in my 30's I'm sure I'd be well set as well. It's not like he's that great anyways, he's only an assistant manager at Sony retail." (No offensive to retail managers out there. I said that to her over fustration and because she always insulted my ability with him as an example.) Anyways besides the little details here she ended up rejecting my offer to move out the day of the move after everything was set and she orginally had agreed to move and rent was paid. So we never moved. We continued to go back and forth depending on her mood and whether the other man was giving her any attention because he had his own steady girlfriend and they were engaged. During this time she also moved on and off with a few other men.
She then eventually moved out and dropped out of school. After her many nights with various men sleeping over I just couldn't endure anymore. As much pain as it is leaving her, I could not watch this continue any longer. And at the right moments the right people slapped the right sense into me. And I finally managed to seperate myself from her. I took my own advice and others and stayed as far as I could and ignore her 100's of calls a day. I've managed pretty well to focus on my studies and move on. It's been some hard times but I've been able to move on and continue with a new life. I feel free.
Recently she has begun to call again. I continued to ignore her. She would leave voicemails about how she's sorry and wants to start over or at least be friends. Start over is for sure out the question. I've moved on and I know I have no feelings of that sort for her. Her betrayal made it easier to let things go and so I don't feel for her like that anymore. But should I accept her apology and give her a chance to be my friend? I don't have many friends left. And she knows me well and can solve my problems considering we dated for a couple of years. But does she even deserve that chance after everything she's done? Does she deserve another chance after all the many times I have forgiven her in the past? My friends say no and say I should continue to ignore her because she has done enough damage in my life and shouldn't take anymore risks with her. Also they think I shouldn't add more burden to my life and be reminded of the past.
Should I forgive or forget? Should I ignore or be friends? If I want to forget, what can I do to get her to stop bothering me? She consistantly calls and just doesn't understand to stop. Please give me your opinion on the situation as well. Was I wrong in the relationship? Is it my fault for not making enough money to support her wishes? Let me know what you think. It would help to get more peoples opinion considering I didn't have as many friends to talk to about this, so I thought I'd bring it to Gaia and see what Gaians would think. Thanks for taking the time to read this and make comments. I thank you all very much!
Note: Person in my siggy is not the person this post is talking about. Kitty is my saviour and a great person. biggrin
