Firends house so dirty it made me ill !!

[Nurse Kipsie]

Since CPS is not an option (it should really only ONLY be your last resort because in my childhood experience CPS are not fun), get a few of your friends, her family, and your family interested in helping her situation.

Next, you should babysit once more for 3 hours, and as soon as messy-mamma leaves, let everyone in armed with trash bags, Lysol wipes, and shovels teamed up to clean an assigned room.

I know this idea seems odd, but it's one of your options.

You like my idea...?

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I don't know what to say but I really pity you. This is a hands on experience that teaches you the tough lesson that even if you're willing to do the dirty work, it doesn't solve the main problem; her. No matter how much you clean, she is the one not doing any upkeep or preventive measures to keep her house clean.

It doesn't help that there has been no repercussions socially whenever she changes the topic with you and her husband allowing his home to be in this state. Sure she has some health issues but she probably values living in her filth over health. She got accustom to it over time. I've known people who kept eating sugar despite getting diabetes and still did when they were on their death bed. Sadly to say they died from their own denial of reality and valued their desires over their own family and health.

You cannot help, teach, or make her change. She will be defensive about it even if she did want to change, she has to want to get helped herself. She might have to lose everything until she learns her lesson. If you want to do anything to help progress that, it would be an intervention, not temporary help.

She might be more repulsed of changing her comfortable environment due to pregnancy hormones, so expect her to be angry whether or not you do voice your opinions.

One of the things you can offer is that you will be their maid. I find it better that you do get paid because you are wasting valuable time and she is not going to make any effort to keep this home safe. If you hire a cleaner for her, she will be very offended because it's humiliating to her that someone had to intervene and it's someone she doesn't know. She will be upset that she may not have control over making excuses to this stranger or if you had given her a certificate, she'll never use it.

The interventions are usually extreme such as the CPS. Yes the CPS WILL take away her child before deeming that she is even guilty as a precaution to protect the children's health. So that should be a last resort. Once the CPS is in her life, they will never leave her alone. I've had people called the city before that my dad's house was messy when I was little, they didn't do anything, but it gave him a social scare enough to clean up his act. It took a few calls and a brand new home for him to completely stop hoarding.

You can get with the neighbors or mutual friends to help with the intervention personally, taking a photo of their home "before the hoard" and "after the hoard" to let her understand that her home staying clean is possible. She doesn't have to be PERFECTLY clean but at least aim for something in the range of cleanliness between the two pictures. This is not just your opinion, it's her husband, her child, her best friend, her neighbors, her other friends. She will be backed in a corner without feeling hostility as long as you don't raise your voice and you have to sit right next to her. Comfort her that you're here to help and that everyone gets messy sometimes, and now, it's time for some overdue spring cleaning and be able to do small maintenance so she won't feel like she has to ever clean again.

I had MANY animals and used to have more people living with me as well as being pregnant. I still was able to lift up and clean many things. Or at least direct people to help me with cleaning. I'm now 83 pounds, and still have to clean after 7 dogs and 2 cats while holding two kids. I'm diagnosed with anemia from not eating enough so I get dizzy often, yet I could do my and other people's chores. She doesn't have a really good excuse.

[Vanilla Melody]

Those children need to be taken off of her. Children need to be in a clean safe environment. Or the child can get seriously I'll. Call children's aid and get them taken away. Maybe then she will realise she needs to clean up her act

[Diet Poison]

You need to call CPS.

They WILL give her a chance to clean it up and get her kids back. I was put in foster care for that exact reason, and returned to my mother in the end.

[Mari Kyomo]

If you're just going to say that you don't want to do anything about it, like calling the police or CPS, then what is it that you want us to do?

[quayla666]

Everyday you do not report her, is another day that child suffers in that filth. Imagine how horrible it must be for the poor little one? Imagine how much more horrible it will be for the new born? They could end up dying, for all you know. Is that worth being nice to your friend?

[Atomic Bride]

How far along is she? If nothing else, you can hire cleaners and get her house cleaned while she's at the hospital giving birth. That will give you at least a day or maybe two to get it cleaned. Yeah, she probably won't be happy about you doing it behind her back, but you'll be able to get it done without her interfering. Maybe you can even get her husband in on it. But if she's not due for months then you probably need a solution sooner.

Aside from calling the authorities, can you get in contact with a therapist or specialist that can help? Finding someone who specializes in hoarding might be able to help talk some sense into her, or give you some resources to work with.

[Cinder08]

Trainer Aurora Rain

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I don't know what to say but I really pity you. This is a hands on experience that teaches you the tough lesson that even if you're willing to do the dirty work, it doesn't solve the main problem; her. No matter how much you clean, she is the one not doing any upkeep or preventive measures to keep her house clean.

It doesn't help that there has been no repercussions socially whenever she changes the topic with you and her husband allowing his home to be in this state. Sure she has some health issues but she probably values living in her filth over health. She got accustom to it over time. I've known people who kept eating sugar despite getting diabetes and still did when they were on their death bed. Sadly to say they died from their own denial of reality and valued their desires over their own family and health.

You cannot help, teach, or make her change. She will be defensive about it even if she did want to change, she has to want to get helped herself. She might have to lose everything until she learns her lesson. If you want to do anything to help progress that, it would be an intervention, not temporary help.

She might be more repulsed of changing her comfortable environment due to pregnancy hormones, so expect her to be angry whether or not you do voice your opinions.

One of the things you can offer is that you will be their maid. I find it better that you do get paid because you are wasting valuable time and she is not going to make any effort to keep this home safe. If you hire a cleaner for her, she will be very offended because it's humiliating to her that someone had to intervene and it's someone she doesn't know. She will be upset that she may not have control over making excuses to this stranger or if you had given her a certificate, she'll never use it.

The interventions are usually extreme such as the CPS. Yes the CPS WILL take away her child before deeming that she is even guilty as a precaution to protect the children's health. So that should be a last resort. Once the CPS is in her life, they will never leave her alone. I've had people called the city before that my dad's house was messy when I was little, they didn't do anything, but it gave him a social scare enough to clean up his act. It took a few calls and a brand new home for him to completely stop hoarding.

You can get with the neighbors or mutual friends to help with the intervention personally, taking a photo of their home "before the hoard" and "after the hoard" to let her understand that her home staying clean is possible. She doesn't have to be PERFECTLY clean but at least aim for something in the range of cleanliness between the two pictures. This is not just your opinion, it's her husband, her child, her best friend, her neighbors, her other friends. She will be backed in a corner without feeling hostility as long as you don't raise your voice and you have to sit right next to her. Comfort her that you're here to help and that everyone gets messy sometimes, and now, it's time for some overdue spring cleaning and be able to do small maintenance so she won't feel like she has to ever clean again.

I had MANY animals and used to have more people living with me as well as being pregnant. I still was able to lift up and clean many things. Or at least direct people to help me with cleaning. I'm now 83 pounds, and still have to clean after 7 dogs and 2 cats while holding two kids. I'm diagnosed with anemia from not eating enough so I get dizzy often, yet I could do my and other people's chores. She doesn't have a really good excuse.

THIS.

Sometimes it really does require tough love or getting kicked out of a house for a person to realize they have a problem. My grandmother got kicked out of her house because of her hoarding. My mom and her siblings did the best the could to help clean the house but it was so bad that they couldn't clean it up and the city tore the house down. I remember my mom talking about how bad it was. They found a dead dog in her house buried under all the trash. A DEAD DOG. She said that her mother smelled like death. I remember the smell, not too pleasant.

Something needs to be done ASAP before they all end up sleeping in one bed because all the other rooms are too trashed to even set foot in.

[xXFurygeistXx]

Look, you've tried to help her, she doesn't want it. She doesn't want to change. Her children's health is in jeopardy because of the way she chooses to live. It's time to call CPS. You may be her friend, but you cannot help her and she needs a big slap in the face and a wake up call that her kids are in jeopardy because of her actions (and stubborn inaction) here. She needs to change the way she lives before that baby comes, and she can't use it as an excuse not to make those changes. Because she'll continue to use the kid as an excuse to not clean and keep her family living in squalor. Her husband is too yellow bellied to stand up for his kids, so someone has to. Do it for them. At best, it will be the wake up call she needs to make changes. If not, at least they won't have to live in that squalor. Being a good parent is giving them a good environment too. There are fleas for chrissake. Can you think of a newborn in that environment? Baby covered in bug bites from bugs possibly carrying diseases it can't fight against that could kill it? You want that kid to suffer because their mom is fine living in a pigsty? I don't think you do. It's time to do the adult thing and think of the kids. Call CPS and report her. If they don't look into it, keep doing it until they do. Because the environment alone is neglect and abuse, and you are only encouraging it by not getting them involved.

[thante]

Nurse Kipsie

Since CPS is not an option (it should really only ONLY be your last resort because in my childhood experience CPS are not fun), get a few of your friends, her family, and your family interested in helping her situation.

Next, you should babysit once more for 3 hours, and as soon as messy-mamma leaves, let everyone in armed with trash bags, Lysol wipes, and shovels teamed up to clean an assigned room.

I know this idea seems odd, but it's one of your options.

You like my idea...?

I'm glad atleast one person sees social services as a last option type of thing. I'm not saying no, I just want her to have the chance first.

Sounds like a good idea, but I would want atleast her husbands help and consent. Although I'd still need to address her problem, seeing the house fully clean might demonstrate how bad it is the rest of the time.

Thanks for the reply

[thante]

Trainer Aurora Rain

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... I don't know what to say but I really pity you. This is a hands on experience that teaches you the tough lesson that even if you're willing to do the dirty work, it doesn't solve the main problem; her. No matter how much you clean, she is the one not doing any upkeep or preventive measures to keep her house clean.

It doesn't help that there has been no repercussions socially whenever she changes the topic with you and her husband allowing his home to be in this state. Sure she has some health issues but she probably values living in her filth over health. She got accustom to it over time. I've known people who kept eating sugar despite getting diabetes and still did when they were on their death bed. Sadly to say they died from their own denial of reality and valued their desires over their own family and health.

You cannot help, teach, or make her change. She will be defensive about it even if she did want to change, she has to want to get helped herself. She might have to lose everything until she learns her lesson. If you want to do anything to help progress that, it would be an intervention, not temporary help.

She might be more repulsed of changing her comfortable environment due to pregnancy hormones, so expect her to be angry whether or not you do voice your opinions.

One of the things you can offer is that you will be their maid. I find it better that you do get paid because you are wasting valuable time and she is not going to make any effort to keep this home safe. If you hire a cleaner for her, she will be very offended because it's humiliating to her that someone had to intervene and it's someone she doesn't know. She will be upset that she may not have control over making excuses to this stranger or if you had given her a certificate, she'll never use it.

The interventions are usually extreme such as the CPS. Yes the CPS WILL take away her child before deeming that she is even guilty as a precaution to protect the children's health. So that should be a last resort. Once the CPS is in her life, they will never leave her alone. I've had people called the city before that my dad's house was messy when I was little, they didn't do anything, but it gave him a social scare enough to clean up his act. It took a few calls and a brand new home for him to completely stop hoarding.

You can get with the neighbors or mutual friends to help with the intervention personally, taking a photo of their home "before the hoard" and "after the hoard" to let her understand that her home staying clean is possible. She doesn't have to be PERFECTLY clean but at least aim for something in the range of cleanliness between the two pictures. This is not just your opinion, it's her husband, her child, her best friend, her neighbors, her other friends. She will be backed in a corner without feeling hostility as long as you don't raise your voice and you have to sit right next to her. Comfort her that you're here to help and that everyone gets messy sometimes, and now, it's time for some overdue spring cleaning and be able to do small maintenance so she won't feel like she has to ever clean again.

I had MANY animals and used to have more people living with me as well as being pregnant. I still was able to lift up and clean many things. Or at least direct people to help me with cleaning. I'm now 83 pounds, and still have to clean after 7 dogs and 2 cats while holding two kids. I'm diagnosed with anemia from not eating enough so I get dizzy often, yet I could do my and other people's chores. She doesn't have a really good excuse.

Thanks for your reply. It's really helpful and given me a lot to think about and consider.
The idea of an intervention seems to be a good way to go. She already knows how I feel, seeing that it's not just me, but eveyone is worried about her and willing to help might have more effect.
It's defiantly worth a try!
Thank you for the help.

[thante]

Mari Kyomo

If you're just going to say that you don't want to do anything about it, like calling the police or CPS, then what is it that you want us to do?

I never said I wouldn't call the police.
I am fully aware that it is getting to the point where I DO get authority's involved. If it reaches that point I will do it, she will know it is happening and know it is me that is putting in that call.

I am simply asking for suggestions from people who might have experienced a situation like this. Exploring the chance that someone might have a suggestion that works, before I rip a family apart.

[thante]

Atomic Bride

How far along is she? If nothing else, you can hire cleaners and get her house cleaned while she's at the hospital giving birth. That will give you at least a day or maybe two to get it cleaned. Yeah, she probably won't be happy about you doing it behind her back, but you'll be able to get it done without her interfering. Maybe you can even get her husband in on it. But if she's not due for months then you probably need a solution sooner.

Aside from calling the authorities, can you get in contact with a therapist or specialist that can help? Finding someone who specializes in hoarding might be able to help talk some sense into her, or give you some resources to work with.

That might not even be one I would have to do behind her back. Surly all mums would like to come home to a freshly decorated home. It's definitely something that could work. But I'm startling to realise more and more that to keep it that way therapy is going to be a must.
She had about 4 months to go, so it is quite a while off.

[thante]

Cinder08

THIS.

Sometimes it really does require tough love or getting kicked out of a house for a person to realize they have a problem. My grandmother got kicked out of her house because of her hoarding. My mom and her siblings did the best the could to help clean the house but it was so bad that they couldn't clean it up and the city tore the house down. I remember my mom talking about how bad it was. They found a dead dog in her house buried under all the trash. A DEAD DOG. She said that her mother smelled like death. I remember the smell, not too pleasant.

Something needs to be done ASAP before they all end up sleeping in one bed because all the other rooms are too trashed to even set foot in.

Wow. That sounds awful sad I really don't want it to get to that point. I won't let it.
Luckily there are all still in there own bedrooms, the child's is the only really clean room in the house ..... A lot of soft toys .... But clean.

[Marrms]

Sometimes being blunt with someone is the best medicine.
Someone needs to not hold back and bring reality crashing down her. Tell her that you've gotten sick the last time you were at her house and that you worry that she may be getting sick for the same reason.. Tell her that if she continues to live like this she's running the chance of losing her family, even the unborn baby could be taken a way from her.