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Evening everyone.

Thank you for taking the time to read my problems and offer advice/support. I will try my best to make this as short as possible. heart

Anyways, this is my problem. My boyfriend runs a daycare through his buddy's place. He has been doing this for YEARS, but things are about to change.

A little bit of a backstory my help. Well, his buddy has 4 children. Two of them are twin girls, one is a boy with autism, and the oldest is a girl with a combination of aspergers and autism. My boyfriend is AMAZING with these children. He is has dedicated his entire time the past number of years to help these children grow, and help his friend make ends meet. You see, the three youngest children lost their mother after the twins where born. Then his buddy started dating, for the lack of a better word, this stupid crackhead b***h that made them call her 'mom'. (He was in an extreame depression, so he rebounded to the next closest person he could get.) This women had the oldest daughter through another man, but his buddy took her in as his own child. Well, she soon died off by overdose, so that ends that! (Never told any of the kids... Just told them that she was gone and not coming back kind of thing. It was for the best, because she was not even close to being a good monther, due to her habbits.)

So now, his buddy is about to move clear across to the other side of the country. He got an offer that he could not resist, from his brother. He was given a good job, and his own place. Out here, there are next to no jobs, and welfare barely covers housing costs. I do understand why he needs to move out there. But, my boyfriend is devastated! And I mean devastated... Ever since he found out last October, he has been depressed beyond consoling. (He was also not given any definate time, until recently, so he had a timeframe of between the beginning of the school year, to the end of the school year before they would move.) I have caught him crying on occasion, not keeping up with his personal up-keep, drinking more, and all of that stuff. He is just like a second dad to these children, and it is clearly eating him alive. And, well.. I just do not know what to do to help. sweatdrop

Well, we found out recently that all of a sudden this move is taking place at the end of this month. So, he has been frantically moving all of his stuff out of his buddy's place. While this is going on, I can see him slowly slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. These two guys have been joined at the hip for YEARS, and have been through thick and thin. This guy is more of a brother to him than his own twin brother! (Which isn't saying much, because he is a total useless p***k! ... Sorry.. I do not get along with his brother for reasons that do not need to be mentioned right now.)

I have been thinking of trying to save up money, so that he could maybe visit them sometime in the future, but with how badly my hours where cut, I do not see this happening anytime soon. (Just to travel to this are, and not even back, costs an average of $2,100!) I always hold him and tell him that I love him, and that I am always here for him. But I do not feel like it is enough. I try to take his mind off of it by taking him out for a date night, make him his fav dinner, play his fav movies and games, surpressing all of my problems, because I do not feel like I need to add to his stress... But it just doesn't seem like there is anything that I can do to help.

So, am I doing enough? Is there anything else that I could do to help him out? I feel horrible about this, but I just do not know what else to do. I know that he is going to be hurting for a VERY long time now, and it scares me that it might cause him to do something to himself. So please.. If you have any ideas/advice to give, please-please-please post.
Honestly, sweetheart, there's nothing you can do besides be there for him. Making him dinner, playing his games/movies, etc, are very nice things to do. He is going to have to muscle through this on his own though. His best friend, and his children, are moving away. That's always hard. Your boyfriend is going to have to learn to function without them. His friend needs this job. It will make everything for them easier. It's not like you guys can't go see home or anything every now and again, being across the country from him doesn't make anything completely out of reach. Road trips are pretty awesome, you know. Remind your boyfriend that it isn't goodbye, just "see you later".
Quizzicality
Honestly, sweetheart, there's nothing you can do besides be there for him. Making him dinner, playing his games/movies, etc, are very nice things to do. He is going to have to muscle through this on his own though. His best friend, and his children, are moving away. That's always hard. Your boyfriend is going to have to learn to function without them. His friend needs this job. It will make everything for them easier. It's not like you guys can't go see home or anything every now and again, being across the country from him doesn't make anything completely out of reach. Road trips are pretty awesome, you know. Remind your boyfriend that it isn't goodbye, just "see you later".

I am glad that you think I am doing everything that I can. I just don't feel like it is enough sometimes. sweatdrop But, you are right. He is going to have to get himself through some of it. The best that I can do is just be there for him when he needs me.

As far as visiting goes, it costs around $2,100 just to travel there at it's cheapest. sweatdrop So, it will be a while before he can go see them all. I know that it is not a forever thing, but he feels like it is. These two see eachother every single day, so it will be hard on the both of them, let alone the children.

Anyways, thank you for reading and replying. I appreciate your input. heart
There's nothing you can do about the circumstances surrounding your boyfriend's depression.

All you can do is to continue supporting him as his girlfriend. Let him know that you're there for him to talk to. Try helping him understand this is for the best. His friend was given a wonderful opportunity. Those kids are going to have a better life with this new job. He needs to accept that, painful as it is, this is the best for everyone.

I would also point out that drinking himself into oblivion is not a good idea. Although they are moving far away, he can occasionally visit them. However, it would not be good for those kids for someone who was like a second father to them to be an alcoholic. The one lost a mother to drugs. Those kids shouldn't lose a close family friend to alcohol.

If he needs to see a therapist, encourage him to do so. Many places offer free or sliding scale fees, so cost should not be an issue. There are also a lot of wonderful resources available online. Encourage him to look for HEALTHY ways of dealing with his feelings.
~oO(BaDlUcK)Oo~
Quizzicality
Honestly, sweetheart, there's nothing you can do besides be there for him. Making him dinner, playing his games/movies, etc, are very nice things to do. He is going to have to muscle through this on his own though. His best friend, and his children, are moving away. That's always hard. Your boyfriend is going to have to learn to function without them. His friend needs this job. It will make everything for them easier. It's not like you guys can't go see home or anything every now and again, being across the country from him doesn't make anything completely out of reach. Road trips are pretty awesome, you know. Remind your boyfriend that it isn't goodbye, just "see you later".

I am glad that you think I am doing everything that I can. I just don't feel like it is enough sometimes. sweatdrop But, you are right. He is going to have to get himself through some of it. The best that I can do is just be there for him when he needs me.

As far as visiting goes, it costs around $2,100 just to travel there at it's cheapest. sweatdrop So, it will be a while before he can go see them all. I know that it is not a forever thing, but he feels like it is. These two see eachother every single day, so it will be hard on the both of them, let alone the children.

Anyways, thank you for reading and replying. I appreciate your input. heart

Are you talking about 2100$ to fly? First of all, that fluxes year round. Secondly, it is MUCH cheaper to driver. Longer, yes, but cheaper. I've done cross-country road trips several times in my life; even with gas, it costs a fraction of the price you pay to fly.
Quizzicality

Are you talking about 2100$ to fly? First of all, that fluxes year round. Secondly, it is MUCH cheaper to driver. Longer, yes, but cheaper. I've done cross-country road trips several times in my life; even with gas, it costs a fraction of the price you pay to fly.

Flying is the cheapest option. And that is during the cheapest time of year as well. Also, a road trip would take weeks, and would cost even more than that. sweatdrop I have already planned all of this out when I found out the news. It is unfortunate, but it is the way it is. sad
Twin Suns Three
There's nothing you can do about the circumstances surrounding your boyfriend's depression.

All you can do is to continue supporting him as his girlfriend. Let him know that you're there for him to talk to. Try helping him understand this is for the best. His friend was given a wonderful opportunity. Those kids are going to have a better life with this new job. He needs to accept that, painful as it is, this is the best for everyone.

I would also point out that drinking himself into oblivion is not a good idea. Although they are moving far away, he can occasionally visit them. However, it would not be good for those kids for someone who was like a second father to them to be an alcoholic. The one lost a mother to drugs. Those kids shouldn't lose a close family friend to alcohol.

If he needs to see a therapist, encourage him to do so. Many places offer free or sliding scale fees, so cost should not be an issue. There are also a lot of wonderful resources available online. Encourage him to look for HEALTHY ways of dealing with his feelings.

Thank you for replying. heart

You are right. It is the best thing that he can do for all of those kids. I just cannot stand the amount of pain that he is in because of it. He is hurting so badly from it, and I wish that I could do more than just be there for him. I know that it will take him a VERY long time to get over this, if he ever does. sad

I know that the drinking is very bad.. (And, he also has been getting into another substance that I am not very fond of.) sweatdrop I have been trying to explain that they would not want that for him, and that he would just make himself worse in the long run. But, he just wants something to numb himself with at this moment without thinking of the long-term effects.

The sad thing is that no. He will not be able to pay the amount to get there, and back. It costs more than a week in Vegas, to be honest. sweatdrop So, I am unsure if he would ever be able to visit. But, I am going to try hard to make that happen.

You see, he should be seeing a therapist. He is also on disability for various things. (Anxiety, depression, anger, PTSD, etc) But he gets overly frustraited over the smallest things. So, he has a very hard time trying to find someone that can handle his needs. (Along with a decent doctor to do the same. He is off of his meds, so that maybe what is causing his extreame anxiety with trying to cope.) But I doubt he will go see someone willingly... Otherwise, I do not know anything else to do.
~oO(BaDlUcK)Oo~
Quizzicality

Are you talking about 2100$ to fly? First of all, that fluxes year round. Secondly, it is MUCH cheaper to driver. Longer, yes, but cheaper. I've done cross-country road trips several times in my life; even with gas, it costs a fraction of the price you pay to fly.

Flying is the cheapest option. And that is during the cheapest time of year as well. Also, a road trip would take weeks, and would cost even more than that. sweatdrop I have already planned all of this out when I found out the news. It is unfortunate, but it is the way it is. sad


Hmm. My dad and I did a cross country trip once. Even in his Ford F250 (the 2006 model, which is a rather massive truck), we tanked up probably 5-6 times maximum and made it from CO to upstate NY in two days. That might just be the fact that we drive like bats out of hell though. My grandpa and I made a trip from Nevada to NY in three days (bat-out-of-hell driving is an hereditary thing, apparently).
Quizzicality
~oO(BaDlUcK)Oo~
Quizzicality

Are you talking about 2100$ to fly? First of all, that fluxes year round. Secondly, it is MUCH cheaper to driver. Longer, yes, but cheaper. I've done cross-country road trips several times in my life; even with gas, it costs a fraction of the price you pay to fly.

Flying is the cheapest option. And that is during the cheapest time of year as well. Also, a road trip would take weeks, and would cost even more than that. sweatdrop I have already planned all of this out when I found out the news. It is unfortunate, but it is the way it is. sad


Hmm. My dad and I did a cross country trip once. Even in his Ford F250 (the 2006 model, which is a rather massive truck), we tanked up probably 5-6 times maximum and made it from CO to upstate NY in two days. That might just be the fact that we drive like bats out of hell though. My grandpa and I made a trip from Nevada to NY in three days (bat-out-of-hell driving is an hereditary thing, apparently).

Well, I would have to go from roughly Vancouver B.C. to Ottowa O.N. (Literally clear across the country.)

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