OrangeSugarCookies
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- Posted: Fri, 06 Nov 2009 12:23:30 +0000
EDIT:
Okay, since everyone is screaming for me to edit my first post, I shall.
Long and short of it: I want kids; can't have kids yet. What are good ways to take my mind off it to make the wait less....annoying.
Backstory:
21 years old. Stable job, with a possibility of a promotion in the next week. [Granted, not a pay raise, but a promotion nonetheless.] A buck or so over minimum wage in my state. Less than $20,000 a year, but well above $25,000 if you count my soon-to-be-spouse, age 26. His job is stable as well, but on a lower pay scale than mine. [Maintenance/Janitor work, while full-time, is still paid a lower hourly wage where I work. Regardless of the fact he brings home several hundred more than me a month, I have a higher wage.]
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Now the Wall of Text:
I became engaged to my fiance in May, and we are due to be married in December. I realized I wanted to marry this man last October, long before I proposed [who says the girl can't do it?!] and by December of LAST YEAR I knew I wanted to have a child/children with him.
Over the past year, both desires grew stronger, leading to my proposal and his acceptance in late May.
However...that other one.
While I know we are to be married soon, my female hormones of course must go crazy for wanting a child NAO. I know we aren't in the best position for this at the moment, using my rational mind this is an easy conclusion.
But my heart is less rational. I see him, at home or at work, and the thought will always cross my mind in the next ten minutes or so. I work currently as a checker at a retail store, and ring up things like diapers, baby food, formula, etc, on a hourly basis. People bring their small children through the line, and that's no help to this desire.
Women years younger than myself bringing their THREE children though my line, paying with WIC [a government-run welfare program for mums and kids, if you don't know] and Food Stamps...and I think, "Why do I HAVE TO WAIT, when they can just have the government pay?!" I have too much self-respect to get myself into a situation where I'd have to be on welfare, especially if it was a conscious choice. I firmly believe if you can't afford children, you shouldn't have them.
The thing is, we COULD afford to have a child. My fiance, however, is not nearly ready to make that jump just yet. He wants kids, yes, plural even, but he doesn't want them YET, he says.
My fiance spends like a 16 year old girl in a shoe store. He buys video games, fast food, and other unnecessary things on a frequent basis. He doesn't seem to believe in buying food to cook at home on a normal person scale. He grew up in a...strange household, and his family didn't do much of the traditional home stuff. He's never lived in something bigger than an apartment, and most of his life has been lived living in a trailer or other such motor-home vehicle.
We currently live in a two bedroom apartment with my sister and her fiance as roommates, though we all are looking for new apartments/houses on account of the fact that our landlady is batshit crazy.
Our bills are minimal as most of our utilities are included in our rent, and aside from my rarely-used credit card and cable/internet, we have nothing else we pay each month.
We could afford to have a child, but he is rather insistent that he'd like to consider continuing his willy-nilly spending. He likes having nice things for himself.
While I'm at work, crying in the break-room because yet ANOTHER of my younger coworkers has accidentally become pregnant while I have to continue waiting. And waiting. And getting older.
I feel like I have this deadline I must meet, and I don't mean the big 4-0 when the eggs start to go bad. I feel like I have less time than that.
We use the Pill as our only BC, and yet after over a year of sexual activity, and me forgetting on occasion to take them on time, [NEVER INTENTIONAL. I have accidentally left them at a relative's house on two occasions, for example, and we had to drive back and get them, making me a day late taking them.] we've not yet had an 'accident.' This is UNHEARD OF in my family. I apparently have the BEST LUCK EVAR with the Pill in my family.
So naturally, my worry is OMG INFERTILE.
I know it's normal for women my age/situation to have the baby fever, but this is going to a bad place with me. I cry over it. Almost daily. I find projects to distract myself [I sew and such] but once they're done, I'm right back to it. It's awful. I want it to stop.
A coworker told me that 'once you get over the baby blues, you'll get pregnant' [Though, lol-worthy, she got pregnant soon after because she's an IDIOT and had a one-night fling, and is now five months to single-mom-hood. Serves her right.]
I have nothing in my life that can take me out of said 'baby blues' for long enough to make a difference.
My record has been three days before my depression over it came back. [Halloween. Dressing up as Pikachu, going to work, and making all the people my age lol was a blast.]
I don't know what to do at this point. I can't force it upon my fiance/husband, and I can't simply STOP wanting it! I dream about it, I think about it, I want to CRY when I ring up other people's pregnancy tests.
At this point, LI, I'm even asking you. If I'm going to LI at 4:30AM, I must be desperate.
Okay, since everyone is screaming for me to edit my first post, I shall.
Long and short of it: I want kids; can't have kids yet. What are good ways to take my mind off it to make the wait less....annoying.
Backstory:
21 years old. Stable job, with a possibility of a promotion in the next week. [Granted, not a pay raise, but a promotion nonetheless.] A buck or so over minimum wage in my state. Less than $20,000 a year, but well above $25,000 if you count my soon-to-be-spouse, age 26. His job is stable as well, but on a lower pay scale than mine. [Maintenance/Janitor work, while full-time, is still paid a lower hourly wage where I work. Regardless of the fact he brings home several hundred more than me a month, I have a higher wage.]
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now the Wall of Text:
I became engaged to my fiance in May, and we are due to be married in December. I realized I wanted to marry this man last October, long before I proposed [who says the girl can't do it?!] and by December of LAST YEAR I knew I wanted to have a child/children with him.
Over the past year, both desires grew stronger, leading to my proposal and his acceptance in late May.
However...that other one.
While I know we are to be married soon, my female hormones of course must go crazy for wanting a child NAO. I know we aren't in the best position for this at the moment, using my rational mind this is an easy conclusion.
But my heart is less rational. I see him, at home or at work, and the thought will always cross my mind in the next ten minutes or so. I work currently as a checker at a retail store, and ring up things like diapers, baby food, formula, etc, on a hourly basis. People bring their small children through the line, and that's no help to this desire.
Women years younger than myself bringing their THREE children though my line, paying with WIC [a government-run welfare program for mums and kids, if you don't know] and Food Stamps...and I think, "Why do I HAVE TO WAIT, when they can just have the government pay?!" I have too much self-respect to get myself into a situation where I'd have to be on welfare, especially if it was a conscious choice. I firmly believe if you can't afford children, you shouldn't have them.
The thing is, we COULD afford to have a child. My fiance, however, is not nearly ready to make that jump just yet. He wants kids, yes, plural even, but he doesn't want them YET, he says.
My fiance spends like a 16 year old girl in a shoe store. He buys video games, fast food, and other unnecessary things on a frequent basis. He doesn't seem to believe in buying food to cook at home on a normal person scale. He grew up in a...strange household, and his family didn't do much of the traditional home stuff. He's never lived in something bigger than an apartment, and most of his life has been lived living in a trailer or other such motor-home vehicle.
We currently live in a two bedroom apartment with my sister and her fiance as roommates, though we all are looking for new apartments/houses on account of the fact that our landlady is batshit crazy.
Our bills are minimal as most of our utilities are included in our rent, and aside from my rarely-used credit card and cable/internet, we have nothing else we pay each month.
We could afford to have a child, but he is rather insistent that he'd like to consider continuing his willy-nilly spending. He likes having nice things for himself.
While I'm at work, crying in the break-room because yet ANOTHER of my younger coworkers has accidentally become pregnant while I have to continue waiting. And waiting. And getting older.
I feel like I have this deadline I must meet, and I don't mean the big 4-0 when the eggs start to go bad. I feel like I have less time than that.
We use the Pill as our only BC, and yet after over a year of sexual activity, and me forgetting on occasion to take them on time, [NEVER INTENTIONAL. I have accidentally left them at a relative's house on two occasions, for example, and we had to drive back and get them, making me a day late taking them.] we've not yet had an 'accident.' This is UNHEARD OF in my family. I apparently have the BEST LUCK EVAR with the Pill in my family.
So naturally, my worry is OMG INFERTILE.
I know it's normal for women my age/situation to have the baby fever, but this is going to a bad place with me. I cry over it. Almost daily. I find projects to distract myself [I sew and such] but once they're done, I'm right back to it. It's awful. I want it to stop.
A coworker told me that 'once you get over the baby blues, you'll get pregnant' [Though, lol-worthy, she got pregnant soon after because she's an IDIOT and had a one-night fling, and is now five months to single-mom-hood. Serves her right.]
I have nothing in my life that can take me out of said 'baby blues' for long enough to make a difference.
My record has been three days before my depression over it came back. [Halloween. Dressing up as Pikachu, going to work, and making all the people my age lol was a blast.]
I don't know what to do at this point. I can't force it upon my fiance/husband, and I can't simply STOP wanting it! I dream about it, I think about it, I want to CRY when I ring up other people's pregnancy tests.
At this point, LI, I'm even asking you. If I'm going to LI at 4:30AM, I must be desperate.
