Desperate for a job

[Big Bad Desu]

I'm 25 and I still haven't found the line of work I want to pursue. I have working experience and some education in four or five different fields, none of which correlate with my hobbies or strengths. What's more, a couple of years ago I became depressed like I've never been before and have been struggling with it ever since. My mental problems make me avoid going outside and doing stuff, which causes my consitution to slowly deteriorate, to the point where I probably couldn't do completely physical jobs anymore. (I just realized that I couldn't be a waiter because it requires so much standing. If I stand too much, even in good shoes, my feet start to hurt until they feel like bloody stumps.)

I've received plenty of psychiatric, medical, social and financial help but so far it hasn't done me any good. Being a liability to the country and those close to me is an abomination in my mind. I am actually considering suicide because I can't bear the thought of living on government handouts. I know my issues are causing me to react more strongly, but I've clearly been better whenever I've been briefly employed. The problem is that I feel like I have nothing that tethers me to this world. I have my family, but I have no significant other, no children or pets. If I can't take care of myself, I have few reasons to keep living. It's not like I'm an only child, so I wouldn't even rob my parents of the privilege of having passed down their genes.

I'm scared to do what needs to be done. I still have a desire to live, but my life is becoming intolerable. That is why I'm asking for your advice.

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

Wearwoof

I'm 25 and I still haven't found the line of work I want to pursue. I have working experience and some education in four or five different fields, none of which correlate correlate with my hobbies or strengths. What's more, a couple of years ago I became depressed like I've never been before and have been struggling with it ever since. My mental problems make me avoid going outside and doing stuff, which causes my consitution to slowly deteriorate, to the point where I probably couldn't do completely physical jobs anymore. (I just realized that I couldn't be a waiter because it requires so much standing. If I stand too much, even in good shoes, my feet start to hurt until they feel like bloody stumps.)

I've received plenty of psychiatric, medical, social and financial help but so far it hasn't done me any good. Being a liability to the country and those close to me is an abomination in my mind. I am actually considering suicide because I can't bear the thought of living on government handouts. I know my issues are causing me to react more strongly, but I've clearly been better whenever I've been briefly employed. The problem is that I feel like I have nothing that tethers me to this world. I have my family, but I have no significant other, no children or pets. If I can't take care of myself, I have few reasons to keep living. It's not like I'm an only child, so I wouldn't even rob my parents of the privilege of having passed down their genes.

I'm scared to do what needs to be done. I still have a desire to live, but my life is becoming intolerable. That is why I'm asking for your advice.

You said you got psychiatric help but did you got therapy? From my knowledge psychiatry is a psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in preventing, diagnosing, and treating mental illness. So they can prescribe and try to diagnose you. While a therapist has a doctoral degree in psychology, which is the study of the mind and behaviors. So they evaluate your behavior and offer methods to treat yourself to behave better.

You sound very smart and articulate your words. You're able to say them with simple clarity.

How come you do not have a pet?

Why do you feel disgusted being on welfare? Do you look down on being helped by welfare? There's nothing wrong with getting some help sometimes and you don't have to be on welfare forever. You either don't be welfare at all and feel alright with it, or be on welfare and be okay. Sometimes difficult experiences will give you lessons of humility.

What are your hobbies and strengths?

I'm 25 and I JUST got the job this year that I could work to apply my hobbies and strengths, so if it takes longer, like a friend of mine found her calling at 32, you'll be okay. Yes I know you want it to be faster and have a clear answer, but you'll never get a full closure. That doesn't exists for anyone. At most people who seem to have closure is because they don't care for one. So keep focusing on yourself that it is NOT a long term detriment for you to be on welfare, not getting the right help now, and not having the right job.

It may take several siphoning of different jobs to find the job you love or even consider to compromise to work at for a long term employment.

My job is a field that I would've never thought of being an option as my career nor that I could work for (architecture). I've been trying to be an animator for years but worked as a cashier, supervisor, hiring assistant, office assistant, maid(?), game producer, etc.

It's impractical to know what you want to grow up as when you're young and even a career at age 15 due to not having any apprentice experience of the work force. There is so much knowledge to learn to make such a big decision and even understand why you made that choice.

So despite feeling like all your efforts and promises are coming out empty, I assure you it's not 100%.

Here's a video that might help you:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

[Big Bad Desu]

Trainer Aurora Rain

Oh. Sorry if that was a little vague. I have an assigned city psychologist who I talk with maybe once a week, but I find it hard to collect my thoughts. He has suggested I get a paid therapist who's specialized in my issues, but I have trouble finding one.

I don't have a pet because my landlord doesn't allow them. That, and I live in a very small apartment, and my daily rhythm changes a lot depending on whether I'm working or unemployed, so any animal that requires a lot of attention might end up suffering in my care. That's the last thing I want.

Don't get me wrong, I think welfare is an amazing invention and I'm really grateful for it. I also feel like those who receive it should try to return the favor, contribute to the society in some way, and strive for independence. Right now I feel like I'm never going to be able to do that, and excuse me if I sound overdramatic, but it would be honorless to continue in this way.

I barely have any interest in my hobbies anymore. I like drawing, writing, and playing videogames. At school my best grades were for Art, English and Prose. (Graded 4 - 10, four being failure. Those three things were 9 or 10. Everything else was 6 or 7.)

But... I dropped out of college after just two months because of my depression and I'm terrified of going back to a college level education program. Also all three of my strengths are in fields that have a lot of unemployment and plenty of people more talented and diligent than I.

Thank you for the video.

[Trainer Aurora Rain]

Wearwoof

There are free services or therapy provided through welfare. People who are practicing counseling are very helpful and cheapest if there are no free therapy provided to you (I found one at a homeless center for $10 each visit). Therapists usually offer a sliding scale, which means they're willing to work out a payment with you base on your income.

You can use blahtherapy.com for accessible live chat when you have those tough nights and need a quicker response in between your therapy sessions.

You did provide for yourself, though. Whenever you work, the taxes you pay is partially to pay for welfare. It's calculated if you were to ever need to be on welfare, the government takes it out of your paycheck as an investment. You can always donate later to places that helps other people. I donate to the homeless center I went to whenever I can so they can help others. I'm in a much better place now after finding the right help for me.

There's always people who are more talented and diligent, but it doesn't mean you don't deserve a spot, too. I learned in my art class, where my first day was to trace the same picture that was given to everyone in the class. He then have us hang up our pictures and said that this exercise was to show that even though we traced the same picture, they all still looked different. This was to teach us that someone might choose us for just us.

I've seen many talented people who didn't use their potential still. I'm sort of one of them... So, though, there were many options in the beginning, as time goes on, the numbers dwindle base on someone's persistence. If you believe and want something so bad, you will be chosen or be the one who chooses to be a part of your life. Every goal and opportunity will have a brick wall, but it's not meant to stop you from getting the reward, it's to stop those who aren't willing to try hard enough to break through the wall to get what they want.

I hope the video helped.

P.S. Would having a virtual animal suffice in the meantime? There are many animals who require low maintenance or even prefer that they die in your care than be killed or kept alive at a shelter.

[Big Bad Desu]

Trainer Aurora Rain

I just wanted to let you know I watched the video and I read everything you just posted.
I just can't reply properly right now.

[legnanellaf5]

I think you are too hard on yourself and people who are unable to function properly. The fact is, we dont exist for any purpose. So your worth isnt based on your job or your ability to work or not. Its pretty shitty of you to look down on those who cannot be independent, and that includes yourself here. There is nothing wrong with being on welfare. There is lots wrong with abusing the system, but not being on it alone.

You also have this misconception about people your age and jobs. Not everyone gets a job they really want or is in their field. There are many people with degrees who dont get jobs in the field they studied. And with the way things are now, it isnt uncommon to be having these job issues at 25, people are moving out later and later for it. But if you physically cannot keep a job down, then dont worry about it atm? It shouldnt be something you feel you need to do to have worth. You are not your job.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

I have a Psychology degree, but I just got a new job at the MVD Express. It's not something I want to do, per say, but I have to do what I have to do to get by. My husband was fortunate enough to get a job in a field he loves, and even then, it's only a temporary 8-month gig. Most people have a job that doesn't fit what they want to do.

[Into the never]

A lot of people never work in the field they went to college for and I had a friend go through it for like web design I'm pretty sure and he works in shipping at home depot. Some people are lucky, while the rest of us trudge in the mud.