Creativity issues, Depression, stuck, jobless, etc

[BC_Dragoon7]

I want to apologize ahead of time, since I know this is going to be long and not sure if anyone would answer or even read this at all since I know part of it might be a rant and it's really, really long >_>;

Well anyways I never really went to a therapist or a psychologist because I felt like I didn't really need it, but recently I've been reconsidering. Because I felt like I should get a professional's opinion on tons of things. I feel like I definitely have depression and probably other problems too >_>; So I guess I should summarize some small things about myself so that you guys understand me better.

So I am an artist ( animator/illustrator to be exact ) and I haven't been creating anything....it's weird because nothing pops into my head anymore and everything I make just looks like s**t too. I felt like when I was younger I look at a blank piece of paper and I see all the wonderful things I could draw and now I just see a blank piece of paper.....It's like I lost my spark or inspiration. Every year I feel like I'm becoming more apathetic to things and show less empathy....Like I don't know if I'm just being depressed or just being extroverted anymore. Like I was never a social butterfly and hated being the center of attention. And always had issues making friends let alone maintaining one. For my profession I realized that I need to be able to network ( just like any job ) but I'm terrible at that. Second that I need to have work experience especially with my age....which I don't have much of since I can't get any job without work experience and can't get work experience without a job.....So yea I feel like I don't really have friends now and having problems planing out my future and getting a job. The reason to this is because of my family which I'll explain.

I have a father that wasn't in my life for the most part, but recently over the years he has been calling me more, pushing me more, and being extremely blunt about things. The thing he pushed for most recently was for me to get married because he wants to retire and the reason he wants to retire early is because all of his friends are retired and sort of bragging about their wonderful life. Like I find it retard that every time I'm with him he acts like everything is fine around his friends....like there is a reason why your friend retired early because he was there to help his son unlike you who basically ditch us =-=;; Like of course I should already get married since I'm getting closer and closer to 30 ( sidenote: wow Gaia changed a lot since I was last on it XD;;; ) But I don't have a job reason being is because I've been taking care of my mentally ill mother for a few years now and it was almost a 24/7 type of deal. I took on the role of oldest and took the responsibility of taking care of her, but recently I've been feeling that I missed out on a lot of things that could of only been obtained in my younger years....like opportunities. Like I could of traveled to Japan/Korea/Italy (through my school's program for free) or done something more if I wasn't stuck here all the time. Only recently she got better which is great, and her side of the family recently started helping out even though they sort excommunicated us for a really long time because they blamed my father for everything. And obviously it pisses me off since they're acting all nice as if everything was the same as before. Like I put a lot of blame to my family for the missed opportunities and childhood that I could of had. I should of took the internship that was offered to me for my major instead of listening to my dad to go work at his shop for "experience" , every single time he tells me it's for experience and it's always just some stupid minimal work that requires no experience. Also no I don't gain any sort of experience if it's something I already know/common sense =-=; He also acts as if he knows me when he wasn't even here with me for half of my life. The worst part of it all is that he always flip flops around to what he says. He tells me that my personality is wrong or bad and that I should change it and than later said that I won't be able to change because I'll always be the same way as when I was little =-=;; ....like dude seriously?! I'm a grown a** man and you still think I have the same mentality as a 5-10 still? ( times he was there before he left also side note he is still married to my mom but just never comes home I only see him every few month or maybe once a year ) or saying that I never ask him questions and when I do he acts like I should already know this or learn this in school =-=;;;;; or say that my questions are so stupid that there is no reason for him to answer and that I should look it up online =-=;;;; I'm sorry I'm not a freaking accountant =-=;; Or better yet how he makes me do really stupid things like painting a fence because he thought I didn't know how to <---(remember is an art major which he still forgets and yet remembers clearly what my sister's major is) and wanted me to show him that I know how to do it and then when I do he complains it's not the way he does it or the way he likes it =__________=;;;; Like seriously WTF! Worst part of it all is that he still wants me to take care of my mother and live with her after I'm married too.....like for me I feel like I need to move on and grow up since she got much better and that I can finally remove these shackles and start doing something with my life and hopefully not too late for...

Well anyways beside my family problems, which is basically me trying to forgive, forget, and move on. Like my main issue is that I don't know how to deal with people now/make long lasting friendships, and if I'm really depressed or not, how am I suppose to get the job I want without work experience if I can't even get a job in the first place, how am I suppose to get out of this rut and move forward, and also how to become motivated and inspired/tap back into my inner child, because seriously it's really hard to do that knowing that life/world is really messed up and how much it sucks.

[legnanellaf5]

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

[mangachan]

Dude…Shut up and draw.


From having been in an artistic rut I can tell you that you need to be making work…and that work shouldn't depend on how "inspired" you are. You're not going to make work unless you make work. Develop a routine for everything but especially your art. If you don't know what to do, work on a few figure studies, perspective studies, self portrait, or something just really basic. Even if you can't make super detailed, awesomely powerful work you will have at least done something at all. Most importantly, you do NOT have to be absolutely perfect for people to like your work. You just have to make the work and put it out there. Somebody, somewhere will like it. I illustrate as well and I got out of my rut by brushing up on the basics and just drawing crap I like instead of what I think people want to see. That brings me to my next point.

Get a job even if it's not exactly what you want to do. It will get you out of the house, get you some money in your pocket, and you'll meet people. You never know who you'll meet at your Joe job and your co-workers can turn out to be your first clients. As for networking, it's really about being yourself and letting people know that you do whatever it is you do and showing interest in them. It's nothing magical and you can do it.

ETA:
Oh yeah, do what you can to distance yourself from your dad. You don't have to be mean about it but he's not helping. Set up clear boundaries with him. When he offers crappy advice or says something you don't like, be direct with this man. He seems to be the type who wants things the way he wants it, or that his word automatically holds weight. Communicate to him that you are a grown man and you don't want to hear what he says on X matters. If you don't' do it, it won't stop even after you reach what he considers a form of success. He's already insinuated that he's going to inject himself into your future marriage. Don't let that happen lol.

[Kionuh]

Getting a job was the best thing I could do when I hit that point of depression/Art block. It sucks, but hey, you need to get out some time, no matter how anti-social you are. Seeing different people, hearing their stories and whatnot. It motivates you a lot more too.

Get out more, that's all i can really say.

[ainoxtenshi]

I will give you the best advice I can give (and not as a friend).

Your father brought much of your depression and may have influenced your life choices--particularly for your art career. But you are able to break through that barrier. Your mom, un-well or not, if she needs 24/7 care she needs at least a 24/7 nurse to care for her. You don't have time to babysit your mother because catering to her needs limits your career. You would have to stay at home all the time which would be inconvenient if you have to leave to work in a studio. Luckily she is better but you need to start thinking for yourself. Your mom shouldn't be your own responsilbilty. She isn't just a mother. She is a sister, daughter, and wife. Others should pitch in to care for her. If no one can (if she ever falls ill again) then I highly suggest a nurse who can cater to her needs.

Even if your dad doesn't understands, voice your feelings and make it known to him that you are going to follow your path. You have wasted too much time for him. Take the initative and make plans to move out. While you are working to save, work on your porfolio. Take every opportunity you can to find a job. Push until you can get through.

Artist's Rut. It is hard to get through. You have to eliminate all your stress and do something that releases your creativity. You can go look at art museums or go on trips to other countries.Or even a simple walk into nature can bring inspiration to draw. You can also draw random squiggles and fling paint on a paper. Sometimes your rut could be caused by overwhelming stress that ends up shutting off your passion to draw. You aren't drawing because you aren't enjoying your life. For me, I need to be relaxed in order to draw freely. When I'm stressed out, I'm in no mood to draw. Understand yourself and learn what helps you best.

Make plans. I decided I will create a website for my manga (one day) and put myself out. Creator of Naruto didn't get his big break until much later into working on his mangas. Everyone don't start off with great fortune. You have to be dedicated. You have to persevere and planned for any blockades in your path. I knew my manga won't be popular right away so I have a career that I can fall on.

Maybe you dislike your job that your dad forces you to do; try applying into jobs you can tolerate or are close to your dream career. It is hard without the needed experience, but don't let it stop you. Impress them. Work on your portfolio (of course get out of the artist's rut first) and take classes if you needed to.

Going for this field is hard work and you don't always savor the fruit of your labor. But don't let that stop you and don't allow your father or family issues to ruin your future. Become an adult and do what you wanted. Your father might be angry; your family might spite you, but those who truly knows you will understand that you need to spread your wings and break out of your cage.

From relieving that stress, you can make friends. You become more confident and more happy once you are independent from your family. It might take time, but once you're in the right perspective and better aura, friends can be made gradually. Don't hesitate to reconnect with old friends. True friends are always there for you. And with communication and understanding, your friendships can be revived.

[Etrouse]

I know what your father did took a big toll on you as a person. But you can't blame him as much as you are. You have choices to make. You're a free person. You're almost 30. You've gotta let that go a bit and if you really need help, go talk to somebody.

As for being an artist, my husband is an artist. And he has ruts too. But having a rut, as I've learned from him, doesn't mean stop drawing all together. It means you sit, and you make that s**t happen anyways. You're letting yourself fail by just pushing it to the side.

Like you said, you know you've got to network. Which means you've really just gotta suck that s**t up. I'm a musician and I'm not very good with people myself. But I know that not much is gonna happen if I don't force myself to handle people. It's basically the same for you. You need it to get places and you seem like you just want it as well. You're really at the age where it's really all on you now, regardless of what happened in the past.

[BC_Dragoon7]

legnanellaf5

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

I didn't get to make any of the choices when I'm 16 =-= and how was I suppose to know getting into the art field was difficult when I had zero guidance when I was young and did everything on my own. Obviously I know now since I'm almost 30 and have actually attempted to enter it. Also it wasn't like I didn't try networking, I did but maintain them isn't my forte. And sorry if I'm being super childish for deciding to quit my job so my mom doesn't burn down the house =____= And plus it wasn't asked by my dad to helping him out, it was a command =-= Even if I say no he will just say stop being lazy and do what you're told to do =___= Well when my mom got better I did have a job but I had to quit my part time job because my dad told me that I have to. Apparently his friend has a better job waiting for me that I should take. He kept badgering me if I quit yet too. Also he said that the job I use to have wasn't like it was going to get me anywhere. And guess what? Did exactly what he said since I have no choice and that job offer wasn't a for sure thing like how he made it out to be...he made it seem like the friend was the boss but he wasn't and was just some coworker under the boss. And yes I blame him because as a teenager obviously you would normally listen to your parent's advice and suggestion. And yes I regret my action because it wasn't my own actions.

[BC_Dragoon7]

mangachan

Dude…Shut up and draw.


From having been in an artistic rut I can tell you that you need to be making work…and that work shouldn't depend on how "inspired" you are. You're not going to make work unless you make work. Develop a routine for everything but especially your art. If you don't know what to do, work on a few figure studies, perspective studies, self portrait, or something just really basic. Even if you can't make super detailed, awesomely powerful work you will have at least done something at all. Most importantly, you do NOT have to be absolutely perfect for people to like your work. You just have to make the work and put it out there. Somebody, somewhere will like it. I illustrate as well and I got out of my rut by brushing up on the basics and just drawing crap I like instead of what I think people want to see. That brings me to my next point.

Get a job even if it's not exactly what you want to do. It will get you out of the house, get you some money in your pocket, and you'll meet people. You never know who you'll meet at your Joe job and your co-workers can turn out to be your first clients. As for networking, it's really about being yourself and letting people know that you do whatever it is you do and showing interest in them. It's nothing magical and you can do it.

ETA:
Oh yeah, do what you can to distance yourself from your dad. You don't have to be mean about it but he's not helping. Set up clear boundaries with him. When he offers crappy advice or says something you don't like, be direct with this man. He seems to be the type who wants things the way he wants it, or that his word automatically holds weight. Communicate to him that you are a grown man and you don't want to hear what he says on X matters. If you don't' do it, it won't stop even after you reach what he considers a form of success. He's already insinuated that he's going to inject himself into your future marriage. Don't let that happen lol.

Thanks, yea I know....I've been trying hard to make a new habit of drawing every day since my current habit is terrible....but it's hard sometimes....I'm a perfectionist and it infuriates me more than usual that my work looks like s**t or looks like a 2nd grader did it. Yea I know that I should just draw whatever I like, but I don't really know myself that well. Like the main problem is I like almost everything and I can't just draw everything. Normally people can just draw something that they have a strong affinity to but I'm partial on everything. And yes I always do go back to basics most of the time to try to get the motors running. Also hear that a lot of the time that if your work is good enough people will just come to you, but I have a very good eye on these type of things and yea nobody is going to come to me with this level of work. Networking I suck at because I'm unable to maintain relationships that I make. I'm extremely inept and socially awkward even though I understand most social queues. Also I have been direct with him once and it just backlashed at me instead so lately I just agree with whatever he said with a simple uh huh, ok , yea I know. But anyways thanks will try to draw more often as much as I can. Based on everything I know persistence is the only thing that will lead to success.

[BC_Dragoon7]

Savagekin

Getting a job was the best thing I could do when I hit that point of depression/Art block. It sucks, but hey, you need to get out some time, no matter how anti-social you are. Seeing different people, hearing their stories and whatnot. It motivates you a lot more too.

Get out more, that's all i can really say.

Thanks. Yea I feel you might be right. I rarely go out and probably just once a week or every 2 weeks for grocery for the house. From the articles and studies that I've read, me being in the house every single day probably lowered my energy level, which probably lead to slight depression which in turn stunted my creativity. Especially with my development of a slight sleeping disorder and issue with the ability to focus. But anyways been trying to go out more now so that I'm not in the house all day.

[legnanellaf5]

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

I didn't get to make any of the choices when I'm 16 =-= and how was I suppose to know getting into the art field was difficult when I had zero guidance when I was young and did everything on my own. Obviously I know now since I'm almost 30 and have actually attempted to enter it. Also it wasn't like I didn't try networking, I did but maintain them isn't my forte. And sorry if I'm being super childish for deciding to quit my job so my mom doesn't burn down the house =____= And plus it wasn't asked by my dad to helping him out, it was a command =-= Even if I say no he will just say stop being lazy and do what you're told to do =___= Well when my mom got better I did have a job but I had to quit my part time job because my dad told me that I have to. Apparently his friend has a better job waiting for me that I should take. He kept badgering me if I quit yet too. Also he said that the job I use to have wasn't like it was going to get me anywhere. And guess what? Did exactly what he said since I have no choice and that job offer wasn't a for sure thing like how he made it out to be...he made it seem like the friend was the boss but he wasn't and was just some coworker under the boss. And yes I blame him because as a teenager obviously you would normally listen to your parent's advice and suggestion. And yes I regret my action because it wasn't my own actions.

I am not saying you are childish for quitting your job because s**t happened, Im saying you are childish because you act like you are 16 now. Yes you didnt know much at 16, but you havent been that age in a LONG time, and you have no excuses to your actions. Your father isnt your issue, he is actually trying to help you out. You are your own issue. How coudlnt you not know that art is a hard field to get into? Did you even think? If you did any sort of research into the field you would know how hard it is. This is something people have been talking about for decades if not hundred of years. If you looked up pretty much most now famous artists you get the stories about how they suffered all their life. People like van gogh died poor. Then if you cant network why the ******** did you continue getting into the art scene? Your excuse of knowing nothing at 16 doesnt work when you are at the same spot now like a decade later. Especially in jobs that are all about word of mouth, like artsy jobs, networking is the MOST important thing. If that isnt your forte, why the ******** are you doing?

There is no reason to blame your father here because his one advice and one point doesnt really mean he is responsible for your life now. You are. You should regret your actions not because you listened to him at 16, but because you have no ability to do anythign BUT since that is the only thing you have done. You are whining about something that happened as a child because you havent actually done anything since then. So that isnt his fault, it is yours, since you arent that 16 year old child anymore. You are an adult who is avoiding the truth, which is that you ******** up. Stop blaming him, blame yourself.

You need to grow the ******** up, let go of things that happened years ago and start being an adult for once. Since you seem to be stuck in that 16 year old mindset when you are far from it in reality.

[BC_Dragoon7]

Etrouse

I know what your father did took a big toll on you as a person. But you can't blame him as much as you are. You have choices to make. You're a free person. You're almost 30. You've gotta let that go a bit and if you really need help, go talk to somebody.

As for being an artist, my husband is an artist. And he has ruts too. But having a rut, as I've learned from him, doesn't mean stop drawing all together. It means you sit, and you make that s**t happen anyways. You're letting yourself fail by just pushing it to the side.

Like you said, you know you've got to network. Which means you've really just gotta suck that s**t up. I'm a musician and I'm not very good with people myself. But I know that not much is gonna happen if I don't force myself to handle people. It's basically the same for you. You need it to get places and you seem like you just want it as well. You're really at the age where it's really all on you now, regardless of what happened in the past.

Yea I know that I'm a free person which is why I confronted him about it. That I'm basically almost 30 and don't want to be taking care of her or be with he in the house for the rest of my life. But he said so what you don't want to take care of me when I get older? I confronted him when I was in my 20s about this too and he told me that I don't have to worry about anything and that he'll take care of things and that I should do what I have to do, but he was a no show and was all talk. That is why I've been feeling that I should just ditch everything and start a new life. But she is still my mom...and all and all if I did do that, no one will be willing to take care of her. Because at the moment it is still my responsibility. Also, it's hard to let go especially when he complains about how I'm not doing anything with my life and compares me to my sister who is obviously achieving more than me ( getting her phd ) because she isn't tied down by anything. Also side-note: it's an American culture to be talking back to a parent and expressing yourself....in an Asian culture, parents have the last say basically and if you talk back it's disrespectful.....but I still did it anyways but it got me no where. Also in Asian culture the oldest child have to take care of the parents. I don't know it's difficult because it's hard mixing cultures and doing what I want to do compared to what I have to do....But I don't know guess I'm just sick and tired of it and want my own time and space. Also you're right that it's all on me now which is why I posted onto here to try to get input and opinions from a variety of people since I don't really have anybody else to talk to about this to.

[BC_Dragoon7]

legnanellaf5

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

I didn't get to make any of the choices when I'm 16 =-= and how was I suppose to know getting into the art field was difficult when I had zero guidance when I was young and did everything on my own. Obviously I know now since I'm almost 30 and have actually attempted to enter it. Also it wasn't like I didn't try networking, I did but maintain them isn't my forte. And sorry if I'm being super childish for deciding to quit my job so my mom doesn't burn down the house =____= And plus it wasn't asked by my dad to helping him out, it was a command =-= Even if I say no he will just say stop being lazy and do what you're told to do =___= Well when my mom got better I did have a job but I had to quit my part time job because my dad told me that I have to. Apparently his friend has a better job waiting for me that I should take. He kept badgering me if I quit yet too. Also he said that the job I use to have wasn't like it was going to get me anywhere. And guess what? Did exactly what he said since I have no choice and that job offer wasn't a for sure thing like how he made it out to be...he made it seem like the friend was the boss but he wasn't and was just some coworker under the boss. And yes I blame him because as a teenager obviously you would normally listen to your parent's advice and suggestion. And yes I regret my action because it wasn't my own actions.

I am not saying you are childish for quitting your job because s**t happened, Im saying you are childish because you act like you are 16 now. Yes you didnt know much at 16, but you havent been that age in a LONG time, and you have no excuses to your actions. Your father isnt your issue, he is actually trying to help you out. You are your own issue. How coudlnt you not know that art is a hard field to get into? Did you even think? If you did any sort of research into the field you would know how hard it is. This is something people have been talking about for decades if not hundred of years. If you looked up pretty much most now famous artists you get the stories about how they suffered all their life. People like van gogh died poor. Then if you cant network why the ******** did you continue getting into the art scene? Your excuse of knowing nothing at 16 doesnt work when you are at the same spot now like a decade later. Especially in jobs that are all about word of mouth, like artsy jobs, networking is the MOST important thing. If that isnt your forte, why the ******** are you doing?

There is no reason to blame your father here because his one advice and one point doesnt really mean he is responsible for your life now. You are. You should regret your actions not because you listened to him at 16, but because you have no ability to do anythign BUT since that is the only thing you have done. You are whining about something that happened as a child because you havent actually done anything since then. So that isnt his fault, it is yours, since you arent that 16 year old child anymore. You are an adult who is avoiding the truth, which is that you ******** up. Stop blaming him, blame yourself.

You need to grow the ******** up, let go of things that happened years ago and start being an adult for once. Since you seem to be stuck in that 16 year old mindset when you are far from it in reality.

Sorry if my mindset is stuck at 16, since everybody especially my father just treats me like a child all the time and stuck by myself in this house all the time with someone who is psychologically impaired. Yes because I'm such a 16 year old that I have to do all the chores in the house cleaning, repairs, cooking, and shopping while all my friends gets to live a normal life where their parents actually take care of them and raise them. If you're almost 30 and still treated like a child obviously you would be infuriate and rant a bit to let out some steam too. Also I don't need his help, everything was fine until he started butting into my life. And reason for it is because his friends have sons which they talk a lot about and yet he doesn't know jack about me. Sure I was happy that he wanted to be part of my life more and started helping / giving me advices but none of them were good and made things worse. Also it wasn't one point or one advice, it's many on every minuscule thing which didn't do s**t. If I ask him where is the main water valve, he'll be telling me how to turn off the hose by turning it to the left and to turn to the right for on. So tell me how does waking up at 5 am to force me to drive him to Pennsylvania for his business adventure just because he wants to see if I can really drive / didn't want to drive himself early in the morning? Which was actually what he told me bluntly when I asked. And yea I seriously did not know, I didn't get a laptop with internet until I was actually 19. And no I didn't do any research considering that I grew up learning that I should do what I'm passionate about or I'll regret. And if you do what you enjoy, you'll never have to work a day in your life. Since happiness and success goes hand to hand with passion which will drive you to move forward. You make assumptions and pretenses based on yourself as the archetype. I said in the beginning it's just to give a brief summary / rant to give a better idea of the situation I'm in. And I said at the end that it's basically forgive and forget and that is a problem I have to deal with myself. Like sure I know that I blame too much on him and hard it's hard to move on, but I wasn't really asking about how to deal with the situation since I've dealt with it for almost over a decade. But that is something I have to deal with myself and work on. Actual question is about how to make lasting friendship, networking, creativity, etc. Just like how everybody else sort of answered and showed empathy and understand my situation too. Sure maybe my perception of things maybe skewed in your point of view, but hey you're entitled to say how you view things and so am I. So don't purposely pick a fight. And I'm still doing art only because that is that only thing I'm actually good at and enjoy it which is why I asked about creativity to see if anybody has advices on it. Plus you're mainly talking about American culture and how everything is on me and my own decision, I have no say in my culture. Whatever the parents say is the final word. And yea since I am a mix culture I do, do both and yea obviously it gets conflicting at times. Also I can't do anything especially if it's forced upon you and becomes your responsibility =-= So stop saying I'm blaming too much and it's my own fault because that's not really giving any advice and just being confrontation. It's just how I see things and it's just something I'll obviously get over, over time.

[legnanellaf5]

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

I didn't get to make any of the choices when I'm 16 =-= and how was I suppose to know getting into the art field was difficult when I had zero guidance when I was young and did everything on my own. Obviously I know now since I'm almost 30 and have actually attempted to enter it. Also it wasn't like I didn't try networking, I did but maintain them isn't my forte. And sorry if I'm being super childish for deciding to quit my job so my mom doesn't burn down the house =____= And plus it wasn't asked by my dad to helping him out, it was a command =-= Even if I say no he will just say stop being lazy and do what you're told to do =___= Well when my mom got better I did have a job but I had to quit my part time job because my dad told me that I have to. Apparently his friend has a better job waiting for me that I should take. He kept badgering me if I quit yet too. Also he said that the job I use to have wasn't like it was going to get me anywhere. And guess what? Did exactly what he said since I have no choice and that job offer wasn't a for sure thing like how he made it out to be...he made it seem like the friend was the boss but he wasn't and was just some coworker under the boss. And yes I blame him because as a teenager obviously you would normally listen to your parent's advice and suggestion. And yes I regret my action because it wasn't my own actions.

I am not saying you are childish for quitting your job because s**t happened, Im saying you are childish because you act like you are 16 now. Yes you didnt know much at 16, but you havent been that age in a LONG time, and you have no excuses to your actions. Your father isnt your issue, he is actually trying to help you out. You are your own issue. How coudlnt you not know that art is a hard field to get into? Did you even think? If you did any sort of research into the field you would know how hard it is. This is something people have been talking about for decades if not hundred of years. If you looked up pretty much most now famous artists you get the stories about how they suffered all their life. People like van gogh died poor. Then if you cant network why the ******** did you continue getting into the art scene? Your excuse of knowing nothing at 16 doesnt work when you are at the same spot now like a decade later. Especially in jobs that are all about word of mouth, like artsy jobs, networking is the MOST important thing. If that isnt your forte, why the ******** are you doing?

There is no reason to blame your father here because his one advice and one point doesnt really mean he is responsible for your life now. You are. You should regret your actions not because you listened to him at 16, but because you have no ability to do anythign BUT since that is the only thing you have done. You are whining about something that happened as a child because you havent actually done anything since then. So that isnt his fault, it is yours, since you arent that 16 year old child anymore. You are an adult who is avoiding the truth, which is that you ******** up. Stop blaming him, blame yourself.

You need to grow the ******** up, let go of things that happened years ago and start being an adult for once. Since you seem to be stuck in that 16 year old mindset when you are far from it in reality.

Sorry if my mindset is stuck at 16, since everybody especially my father just treats me like a child all the time and stuck by myself in this house all the time with someone who is psychologically impaired. Yes because I'm such a 16 year old that I have to do all the chores in the house cleaning, repairs, cooking, and shopping while all my friends gets to live a normal life where their parents actually take care of them and raise them. If you're almost 30 and still treated like a child obviously you would be infuriate and rant a bit to let out some steam too. Also I don't need his help, everything was fine until he started butting into my life. And reason for it is because his friends have sons which they talk a lot about and yet he doesn't know jack about me. Sure I was happy that he wanted to be part of my life more and started helping / giving me advices but none of them were good and made things worse. Also it wasn't one point or one advice, it's many on every minuscule thing which didn't do s**t. If I ask him where is the main water valve, he'll be telling me how to turn off the hose by turning it to the left and to turn to the right for on. So tell me how does waking up at 5 am to force me to drive him to Pennsylvania for his business adventure just because he wants to see if I can really drive / didn't want to drive himself early in the morning? Which was actually what he told me bluntly when I asked. And yea I seriously did not know, I didn't get a laptop with internet until I was actually 19. And no I didn't do any research considering that I grew up learning that I should do what I'm passionate about or I'll regret. And if you do what you enjoy, you'll never have to work a day in your life. Since happiness and success goes hand to hand with passion which will drive you to move forward. You make assumptions and pretenses based on yourself as the archetype. I said in the beginning it's just to give a brief summary / rant to give a better idea of the situation I'm in. And I said at the end that it's basically forgive and forget and that is a problem I have to deal with myself. Like sure I know that I blame too much on him and hard it's hard to move on, but I wasn't really asking about how to deal with the situation since I've dealt with it for almost over a decade. But that is something I have to deal with myself and work on. Actual question is about how to make lasting friendship, networking, creativity, etc. Just like how everybody else sort of answered and showed empathy and understand my situation too. Sure maybe my perception of things maybe skewed in your point of view, but hey you're entitled to say how you view things and so am I. So don't purposely pick a fight. And I'm still doing art only because that is that only thing I'm actually good at and enjoy it which is why I asked about creativity to see if anybody has advices on it. Plus you're mainly talking about American culture and how everything is on me and my own decision, I have no say in my culture. Whatever the parents say is the final word. And yea since I am a mix culture I do, do both and yea obviously it gets conflicting at times. Also I can't do anything especially if it's forced upon you and becomes your responsibility =-= So stop saying I'm blaming too much and it's my own fault because that's not really giving any advice and just being confrontation. It's just how I see things and it's just something I'll obviously get over, over time.

Again, you blame your father for your own actions. Your father isnt your problem, he isnt making you a child, you are by avoiding resposnbility for your actions. It has noting to do with him. Flat out it doesnt matter when you got a laptop or if you do chores, you are a child because you actually like it. I know you are going to scoff at that, but people who really want to be adults and be on their own go out and do that. There are tons of people who are independent and do work to be on their own. Even if their parents are skeptical about their choices. But you seem to enjoy this child like lifestyled because it is easier. It is far easier to say your father is a shitty father and this is why your life sucks than to actually admit that you ******** up and that he doesnt have as much control as you are claiming.

I am being confrontational because you NEED that. The biggest help you are ever going to get is someone who can smack you in the face and tell you to stop with this bullshit. Until you are willing to actually introspect, to think about things in the big picture and not just whine about trivial stuff lke how he makes you drive him, you will never get out of this. It would be one thing if you were just turning legal and were not used to being an adult, as then it is okay to not be sure of your place. But you are too old for this and you need to get over this now. Not 'over time', you cant actually think that it is okay to continue being like a teenager as you approach 30. How can you ever think of getting a job and doing something if you cant even accept normal things like chores? How can you ever have friends when everyone your age is pretty much settling down and getting married but you cant even get a job? Bullshit on your culture excuse too. I am not american, I am mixed, and I know that there is no culture in the world that stops dudes from being a 'man' when needed. You just want to cling to any excuse to avoid responsiblity, because again, that is your issue. You may say you want help in networking, but the only way to do that is to look at the root of the issue, which is why you fail. Why do you suck so much? It is because you arent willing to be an adult.

I personally think you should give up this dream of an artist. You have no clue about the field, you have no real drive to be self employed and you are basically just being lazy about everything. You cant make it in the art field if you arent self driven. Go get a job, any job that will get you experience and go from there. Draw for fun.

[Kana Kyoto]

Pardon me for intruding legnanellaf5. I understand your point and yes blaming his dad is childish but he isn't using this as an excuse why he can't find a job or not even trying- he wants to work. But he desires to work in the field of art and having trouble to pursue it with lack of creativity and networking along with motivation. If you have any advice for creativity and networking- it is all he is asking for. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[BC_Dragoon7]

legnanellaf5

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

BC_Dragoon7

legnanellaf5

You blame your father too much for your own actions. You are a grown a** man and you are almost in your 30s, yet you still blame your father for things that YOU did. Your father isnt the reason you have no job, you are. You chose to get into the art field knowing that it is hard yet you didnt network. You could have looked for a job you could do at home if you have to take care of your mother. You could have said no to helping your dad out. But you chose to do things, and the missed opportunites are all on you. I can see why your dad is like this, because you are being super childish about it. He did suck at parenting and yes that is his fault, but it isnt his fault that you dont have a job. It isnt his fault you dont hae friends. It isnt his fault that you regret your own actions.

At this point you should be looking for A job, and job, not just an art related one.

I didn't get to make any of the choices when I'm 16 =-= and how was I suppose to know getting into the art field was difficult when I had zero guidance when I was young and did everything on my own. Obviously I know now since I'm almost 30 and have actually attempted to enter it. Also it wasn't like I didn't try networking, I did but maintain them isn't my forte. And sorry if I'm being super childish for deciding to quit my job so my mom doesn't burn down the house =____= And plus it wasn't asked by my dad to helping him out, it was a command =-= Even if I say no he will just say stop being lazy and do what you're told to do =___= Well when my mom got better I did have a job but I had to quit my part time job because my dad told me that I have to. Apparently his friend has a better job waiting for me that I should take. He kept badgering me if I quit yet too. Also he said that the job I use to have wasn't like it was going to get me anywhere. And guess what? Did exactly what he said since I have no choice and that job offer wasn't a for sure thing like how he made it out to be...he made it seem like the friend was the boss but he wasn't and was just some coworker under the boss. And yes I blame him because as a teenager obviously you would normally listen to your parent's advice and suggestion. And yes I regret my action because it wasn't my own actions.

I am not saying you are childish for quitting your job because s**t happened, Im saying you are childish because you act like you are 16 now. Yes you didnt know much at 16, but you havent been that age in a LONG time, and you have no excuses to your actions. Your father isnt your issue, he is actually trying to help you out. You are your own issue. How coudlnt you not know that art is a hard field to get into? Did you even think? If you did any sort of research into the field you would know how hard it is. This is something people have been talking about for decades if not hundred of years. If you looked up pretty much most now famous artists you get the stories about how they suffered all their life. People like van gogh died poor. Then if you cant network why the ******** did you continue getting into the art scene? Your excuse of knowing nothing at 16 doesnt work when you are at the same spot now like a decade later. Especially in jobs that are all about word of mouth, like artsy jobs, networking is the MOST important thing. If that isnt your forte, why the ******** are you doing?

There is no reason to blame your father here because his one advice and one point doesnt really mean he is responsible for your life now. You are. You should regret your actions not because you listened to him at 16, but because you have no ability to do anythign BUT since that is the only thing you have done. You are whining about something that happened as a child because you havent actually done anything since then. So that isnt his fault, it is yours, since you arent that 16 year old child anymore. You are an adult who is avoiding the truth, which is that you ******** up. Stop blaming him, blame yourself.

You need to grow the ******** up, let go of things that happened years ago and start being an adult for once. Since you seem to be stuck in that 16 year old mindset when you are far from it in reality.

Sorry if my mindset is stuck at 16, since everybody especially my father just treats me like a child all the time and stuck by myself in this house all the time with someone who is psychologically impaired. Yes because I'm such a 16 year old that I have to do all the chores in the house cleaning, repairs, cooking, and shopping while all my friends gets to live a normal life where their parents actually take care of them and raise them. If you're almost 30 and still treated like a child obviously you would be infuriate and rant a bit to let out some steam too. Also I don't need his help, everything was fine until he started butting into my life. And reason for it is because his friends have sons which they talk a lot about and yet he doesn't know jack about me. Sure I was happy that he wanted to be part of my life more and started helping / giving me advices but none of them were good and made things worse. Also it wasn't one point or one advice, it's many on every minuscule thing which didn't do s**t. If I ask him where is the main water valve, he'll be telling me how to turn off the hose by turning it to the left and to turn to the right for on. So tell me how does waking up at 5 am to force me to drive him to Pennsylvania for his business adventure just because he wants to see if I can really drive / didn't want to drive himself early in the morning? Which was actually what he told me bluntly when I asked. And yea I seriously did not know, I didn't get a laptop with internet until I was actually 19. And no I didn't do any research considering that I grew up learning that I should do what I'm passionate about or I'll regret. And if you do what you enjoy, you'll never have to work a day in your life. Since happiness and success goes hand to hand with passion which will drive you to move forward. You make assumptions and pretenses based on yourself as the archetype. I said in the beginning it's just to give a brief summary / rant to give a better idea of the situation I'm in. And I said at the end that it's basically forgive and forget and that is a problem I have to deal with myself. Like sure I know that I blame too much on him and hard it's hard to move on, but I wasn't really asking about how to deal with the situation since I've dealt with it for almost over a decade. But that is something I have to deal with myself and work on. Actual question is about how to make lasting friendship, networking, creativity, etc. Just like how everybody else sort of answered and showed empathy and understand my situation too. Sure maybe my perception of things maybe skewed in your point of view, but hey you're entitled to say how you view things and so am I. So don't purposely pick a fight. And I'm still doing art only because that is that only thing I'm actually good at and enjoy it which is why I asked about creativity to see if anybody has advices on it. Plus you're mainly talking about American culture and how everything is on me and my own decision, I have no say in my culture. Whatever the parents say is the final word. And yea since I am a mix culture I do, do both and yea obviously it gets conflicting at times. Also I can't do anything especially if it's forced upon you and becomes your responsibility =-= So stop saying I'm blaming too much and it's my own fault because that's not really giving any advice and just being confrontation. It's just how I see things and it's just something I'll obviously get over, over time.

Again, you blame your father for your own actions. Your father isnt your problem, he isnt making you a child, you are by avoiding resposnbility for your actions. It has noting to do with him. Flat out it doesnt matter when you got a laptop or if you do chores, you are a child because you actually like it. I know you are going to scoff at that, but people who really want to be adults and be on their own go out and do that. There are tons of people who are independent and do work to be on their own. Even if their parents are skeptical about their choices. But you seem to enjoy this child like lifestyled because it is easier. It is far easier to say your father is a shitty father and this is why your life sucks than to actually admit that you ******** up and that he doesnt have as much control as you are claiming.

I am being confrontational because you NEED that. The biggest help you are ever going to get is someone who can smack you in the face and tell you to stop with this bullshit. Until you are willing to actually introspect, to think about things in the big picture and not just whine about trivial stuff lke how he makes you drive him, you will never get out of this. It would be one thing if you were just turning legal and were not used to being an adult, as then it is okay to not be sure of your place. But you are too old for this and you need to get over this now. Not 'over time', you cant actually think that it is okay to continue being like a teenager as you approach 30. How can you ever think of getting a job and doing something if you cant even accept normal things like chores? How can you ever have friends when everyone your age is pretty much settling down and getting married but you cant even get a job? Bullshit on your culture excuse too. I am not american, I am mixed, and I know that there is no culture in the world that stops dudes from being a 'man' when needed. You just want to cling to any excuse to avoid responsiblity, because again, that is your issue. You may say you want help in networking, but the only way to do that is to look at the root of the issue, which is why you fail. Why do you suck so much? It is because you arent willing to be an adult.

I personally think you should give up this dream of an artist. You have no clue about the field, you have no real drive to be self employed and you are basically just being lazy about everything. You cant make it in the art field if you arent self driven. Go get a job, any job that will get you experience and go from there. Draw for fun.

Ok I do agree with you that I do blame him for a lot of s**t but again it's my own issue. And I can't randomly forgive someone who ditched the family for another person and dropped his own responsibility because he was tired of it and pushing it all onto me. And I'm not avoid my actions, if I was do you think I would be asking for help here? Again it's just me ranting letting off some steam because it's just how I felt and to better understand my situation and thinking process. I still do what needs to be done obviously. My family problem was just to give a better understanding of my situation, but you're making it as if everything that has happened so far was dictated by my family. The way you're making it sound like is that I'm suppose to ditch my mother who raised me without care. Plus yes sure maybe I do have an easy lifestyle in your point of view, but if it was so easy why do you think I'm asking for advices while letting off some steam? I'm not claiming he has control it's fact. It's obviously a culture difference that you can't understand. Not complaining about chores if I'm doing it everyday, I was using it as example since you're saying I have no responsibilities and acting like a child. Obviously I realize that some of my friends are settling down with a stable job this is why I took an "ACTION" for advice and ranting because of all the stress that is built up over the years. When an advice is stop blaming/pointing fingers at everybody else, you're at fault do something about it, that isn't really helpful or constructive. Also never said it was ok to be a teenager at this late of the game. Again this is why I asked for advice. Still you're making assumptions that I'm just a whiny adult complaining and not taking actions. And you're comment about being a man, I'm taking the responsibility and weight of the family since I'm the oldest I have to. Side note you being mixed doesn't mean you know and comprehend every culture.