star_strucken_132
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- Posted: Mon, 18 Apr 2005 17:12:45 +0000
Ever since I was little (like 6 or 7) my step-dad has been in my face about every little thing.....nothings ever good enough for him.
Last night I was really pissed off about something, and he asked me something stupid and I gave him 'attitude'.....
Basicly, I was pissed and he wouldnt shut up....
Then he starts saying "Do I diserve your attitude?! Im sick of you getting all mad over the stupidest things then acting like a b***h to me...." ( Oh and he made sure my mom didnt hear him call me a b***h, cuz she would have yelled at him)
I wanted to kill him. I still do.
After he was all finished giving his little speach, I went up stairs to my room so I wouldnt start yelling at him. So I was up there not 5 mins. before he comes up the stairs to yell at me some more. So I just started to give it back to him. The he comes not 2 inches away from my face and starts yelling at me, telling me that he was right....
I wasnt about to let him step all over me like he use to do when I was little.....so I screamed at him as loud as I could. I felt my heart beating....if felt like I was going to have a heartattack or something. (Oh, and again, he made sure my mom didnt know he was going up to my room to yell at me some more....otherwise, she would have stopped him.)
So I ran downstairs and into the kitchen....thought about grabing a knife and just giving it to him....Id love to do that....
NE WAYS....I told him I wanted him to leave me alone....my mom came in the kitchen when she hear me yelling. I damned him to hell and kept yelling....he said to my mom, "Who does she think she is?!" And I was thinking, jeez, I think Im someone who wants to kill you, be left alone, or get as far away from you as possible.
My mom stayed calm for the whole thing....shes on my side as always, cuz he does this to her too.
He thinks hes king of the house or something.... Hes not my father....I love my dad.....I want to kill my step-dad, if I can even call him any sort of dad. It was his fault that my dad didnt call me for 2 months....but thats another story...
So, still yelling at him, I said I hated him and damned him to hell once more before running outside. I stood out there, out of sight for a little while before my mom came out and took me to my grandma's house. (my grandparents are out of town right now.)
We talked a while....about her wanting to leave him....how we couldnt do that because my mom has 4 kids including myself......she said she thought about letting me stay with my grandparents, but then she started crying because she doesnt want to miss out on me growing up....(im her first child....)....I told her I wanted to kill him, but Id go insaine if I went to jail....which is very true...
Eventually we went home....I didnt speak to him and vise-versa.....
Then when I went to bed he came up and said he was sorry I hate him, but he loves me....I really dont give a damn about him....if he loved me he wouldnt step all over me, he wouldnt have called me a spoiled brat behind my moms back when I was little (I am far from spoiled....ask anyone that knows me....I have to work for s**t), and he wouldnt have called me a b***h and got in my face last night after I made him look bad...
So what I want to know is, how do I controll my anger when he does stuff like this?? And still not let him step all over me...
I cant go anywhere else because I dont want my mom to be sad....I cant ignore him because he'll ask me why Im ignoring him....I cant act happy around him anymore because he will just be anoying and ask me how my day has been, and when I say bad then he asks me why then he wont leave me alone untill I tell him why....
I know this whole thing is really confusing....but please try and help me...I dont think I can take 3 more years with him....and I cant leave my mom alone with him....
Last night I was really pissed off about something, and he asked me something stupid and I gave him 'attitude'.....
Basicly, I was pissed and he wouldnt shut up....
Then he starts saying "Do I diserve your attitude?! Im sick of you getting all mad over the stupidest things then acting like a b***h to me...." ( Oh and he made sure my mom didnt hear him call me a b***h, cuz she would have yelled at him)
I wanted to kill him. I still do.
After he was all finished giving his little speach, I went up stairs to my room so I wouldnt start yelling at him. So I was up there not 5 mins. before he comes up the stairs to yell at me some more. So I just started to give it back to him. The he comes not 2 inches away from my face and starts yelling at me, telling me that he was right....
I wasnt about to let him step all over me like he use to do when I was little.....so I screamed at him as loud as I could. I felt my heart beating....if felt like I was going to have a heartattack or something. (Oh, and again, he made sure my mom didnt know he was going up to my room to yell at me some more....otherwise, she would have stopped him.)
So I ran downstairs and into the kitchen....thought about grabing a knife and just giving it to him....Id love to do that....
NE WAYS....I told him I wanted him to leave me alone....my mom came in the kitchen when she hear me yelling. I damned him to hell and kept yelling....he said to my mom, "Who does she think she is?!" And I was thinking, jeez, I think Im someone who wants to kill you, be left alone, or get as far away from you as possible.
My mom stayed calm for the whole thing....shes on my side as always, cuz he does this to her too.
He thinks hes king of the house or something.... Hes not my father....I love my dad.....I want to kill my step-dad, if I can even call him any sort of dad. It was his fault that my dad didnt call me for 2 months....but thats another story...
So, still yelling at him, I said I hated him and damned him to hell once more before running outside. I stood out there, out of sight for a little while before my mom came out and took me to my grandma's house. (my grandparents are out of town right now.)
We talked a while....about her wanting to leave him....how we couldnt do that because my mom has 4 kids including myself......she said she thought about letting me stay with my grandparents, but then she started crying because she doesnt want to miss out on me growing up....(im her first child....)....I told her I wanted to kill him, but Id go insaine if I went to jail....which is very true...
Eventually we went home....I didnt speak to him and vise-versa.....
Then when I went to bed he came up and said he was sorry I hate him, but he loves me....I really dont give a damn about him....if he loved me he wouldnt step all over me, he wouldnt have called me a spoiled brat behind my moms back when I was little (I am far from spoiled....ask anyone that knows me....I have to work for s**t), and he wouldnt have called me a b***h and got in my face last night after I made him look bad...
So what I want to know is, how do I controll my anger when he does stuff like this?? And still not let him step all over me...
I cant go anywhere else because I dont want my mom to be sad....I cant ignore him because he'll ask me why Im ignoring him....I cant act happy around him anymore because he will just be anoying and ask me how my day has been, and when I say bad then he asks me why then he wont leave me alone untill I tell him why....
I know this whole thing is really confusing....but please try and help me...I dont think I can take 3 more years with him....and I cant leave my mom alone with him....
