Can some people control who they 'love'?

[muskau]

Just wondering about this, since I have known a girl that would fall in love with a guy with the following minimum requirements: car, job, her preference for looks.

They don't seem very happy in the relationship, but she says the whole time shes madly in love and going to stay together forever and get married, then a year later she breaks up, and suddenly shes taken an interest in another guy, but this time the requirements are slightly higher than before, but shes still madly in love again.

I keep thinking she is just going to try and climb higher from guy to guy, and somehow delude herself into thinking shes in love, when this guy hopping of hers seems more like shes climbing the social ladder.

[PinkFuzzyBunny]

Sounds to me like she just doesn't know what real love is.

[Teona]

muskau

Just wondering about this, since I have known a girl that would fall in love with a guy with the following minimum requirements: car, job, her preference for looks.

They don't seem very happy in the relationship, but she says the whole time shes madly in love and going to stay together forever and get married, then a year later she breaks up, and suddenly shes taken an interest in another guy, but this time the requirements are slightly higher than before, but shes still madly in love again.

I keep thinking she is just going to try and climb higher from guy to guy, and somehow delude herself into thinking shes in love, when this guy hopping of hers seems more like shes climbing the social ladder.

True love finds you, you have no choice but to go with it or suffer from it, imho and experience.

[Clement]

muskau

Just wondering about this, since I have known a girl that would fall in love with a guy with the following minimum requirements: car, job, her preference for looks.

They don't seem very happy in the relationship, but she says the whole time shes madly in love and going to stay together forever and get married, then a year later she breaks up, and suddenly shes taken an interest in another guy, but this time the requirements are slightly higher than before, but shes still madly in love again.

I keep thinking she is just going to try and climb higher from guy to guy, and somehow delude herself into thinking shes in love, when this guy hopping of hers seems more like shes climbing the social ladder.

Step 1- Pimp slap your friend for being a total idiot.

Step 2- Your friend is confusing "love" with attraction and having standards. Your friend also apparently is very shallow and has no or very little sense of self. If you see her jumping into another relationship, point out this pattern to her and MAKE her realize that she's being a shallow b***h.

And she is hopping the social ladder. You just should be more frank and point it out to her that she's being a total idiot. Thank you, and good 'morrow sir.

[Tally-San]

PinkFuzzyBunny

Sounds to me like she just doesn't know what real love is.

Too true.

In my teens, I thought I could make myself fall in love someone; a friend who was very dear to me claimed he wasin love with me, and I tried very hard. I almost believed it, but I was never quite as happy as I could be. Needless to say, it didn't work out.

If we could force ourselves to fal in love with people, life would be much simpler, but we'd also be missing out on a lot.

[SpiffyRiffy]

Clement

Step 1- Pimp slap your friend for being a total idiot.

You don't need to do that. She's "pimp slapping" herself, as you put it.

Let her learn her lesson (even though it might take awhile or be never). If you can't wait that long, and care enough to want to do something about it...well then, do something about it. Talk to her or introduce some reasonable alternatives. Let her make it her own choice in the end, though.

[[unknown]]

You can control who you fall in love with. Just avoid some people and you'll never fall in love with them, since you'll never know them. Other than that it's not really controllable. Teenagers, though, they'll "fall in love" with anyone you put them next to.

[Salcas Master]

no, love cannot be controled. we fall in love, and that's that. love can come from any where, at anytime. some times it's as soon as you meet that person, others, it take years for that person to realize they're true love is a friend who they've known a long time. It just, happends.

[Clement]

SpiffyRiffy

You don't need to do that. She's "pimp slapping" herself, as you put it.

Let her learn her lesson (even though it might take awhile or be never). If you can't wait that long, and care enough to want to do something about it...well then, do something about it. Talk to her or introduce some reasonable alternatives. Let her make it her own choice in the end, though.

It sounds to me like she's too young and really lacks the mental faculties to do anything CLOSE to rational/non-money grubbing behavior.

And to answer the title- you can. I have yet to feel anything resembling "love" or "attraction"; I really have no desire for it. You can control your emotions if you know how.

[Nerine]

I've been thinking a lot on this lately...

And I think I've come up with a sort of solution:

Some people are incredibly confused about what real love is because they were never shown real love when they were younger. Hear me out, because I know that sounded incredibly corny..

When you're younger, you learned behaviors from your parents and peers. When you saw your parents get angry or embarrassed about something, you understood that you should probably get angry or embarrassed also. When you saw someone get excited or happy about something, you learned what it meant and why they were that way...and eventually applied that to things that happened to you.

I believe it's very much the same for love. If you're shown kindness and tolerance when you're younger, you're most likely going to exhibit those behaviors when you get older. You're probably also going to enjoy other people who exhibit those characteristics also.

So, I'm not sure, but I think a lot of girls make mistakes for good reason: They're confused.

[Foetus In Fetu]

You can't make yourself fall in love with somebody because love requires an innate appreciation of who that person is. It isn't just an emotion, it's an action and the act of love is not something you are capable of performing on demand. If somebody claims they are in love with you, the best you can do is get to know them as well as you can and see what happens.

As for the original post: I think your friend hasn't really found out what love is yet. She may believe she is in love with each one of her partners, but if she won't fall in love with somebody who doesn't have a certain lifestyle or a particular look then she isn't falling in love at all.

[Kilshiara]

Maybe she's in lust with them. Or she loves the idea of them. I don't want to judge since I only have one side of the story...

[sacerdos]

look, i may only be young, but i do have experience, even though all you 16yr olds may not think so. You cannot force yourself to love someone. it's just one of those things that happens naturally. It comes and it goes, and you have no control over it. You cannot love someone because of what material things they have, though it is possible to trick yourself into thinking you love them, and that would cause problems. If you don't love someone, give it time and friendship and it could blossome - after all, love is just friendship set on fire, with one lil difference, being that you can choose who you befriend. please listen to my advice, and DONT say i'm too young to have my say in these matters.

[6Foot5 Shorty]

You cant control who u fall in love with but u can control what u do about it

[Mitsui~Nonka]

sounds like she is a gold digger in her won way. working her way up some sort of social ladder she created for herself. Doesn't sound like she really likes the guy but what he possess. I feel sorry for the guy.
She will not likely be ever happy in the end