Welcome to Gaia! ::


Dapper Dabbler

6,950 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Friendly 100
My fiance & I haven't even been together for a year & we got engaged really early. So, after living together for awhile, we both became stressed. So of course, we started fighting a bit. I was always told by his friends & family that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. But I don't feel that way, so I asked him to be completely honest with me. He said he really does love me, but he felt the proposal was very rushed. He said he had only proposed to me, because he felt it's what I wanted & was trying to appease my parents. We're both very young, him 19 & I'm 22. I guess there are a lot of things we need to work on to better ourselves before discussing marriage ever again. I was just so caught up in being happy, that all the times I was hurting, I just pushed it to the back of my mind. So, I gave him back the ring & said how I felt. I really do love him & I don't doubt he doesn't love me. I just don't feel he loves me as much as I do him. I'm afraid he never will & he even admitted to that. I don't know what to do in this situation. I have always been told that if the engagement is broken off, then it should be over. But I don't want that. I don't want to give up loving him. I know I can meet someone else, but no one like him. I told him this too, I said "Leaving you will be the biggest regret of my life. Even though it's what I probably should be doing. I will still think of you every day & miss you." For those of you who are going to ask if he is my first love, no he isn't. That's why I know I could meet someone else & fall in love again. I just know I'll probably never love someone like I do with this guy. That's why I want it to work out with all my heart & soul. I just really need advice about how to become okay with being just the girlfriend again & someone to tell me that it'll be okay.

II Earl Grey II's Darling

Well... Im glad your still trying. You were really young, and if it wasnt the right time thats fine.

Maybe you should look at the idea of marriage as more of a legal step then something that determine love.
Its not going to be easy to switch back, but im sure if you take your time and keep in mind that the decision really doesnt change how you feel about each other. As long as your happy. 3nodding

Good luck!!!!
And i think in this case, the broken engagement should not mean you need to stop seeing him. ><
Part of it is that you are ARE young and got so serious so fast that yes you will think it will never be better than him. Reality is though is that you can find better, and while you may think you will never love someone more than this guy, however you both barely have lived. I dont think that breaking off the engagement on its own means it is over, however you guys dont seem to be mentally prepared for what you wanted to do, and were playing house. You havent been together long enough to have an anniversary, yet you are living together, were engaged up until now, and there is something there that is making you feel like it isnt right.

Can you bounce back from this? Honestly I think it is unlikely. Going back from step before marriage to just dating is rough on its own, but your whole situation seems like a big mess. You dont explain why exactly you gave back the ring, but it must be more than levels of love if you have a lot of times where you are hurting.

Liberal Sex Symbol

When engagements break they're usually because of irreconcilable differences or a catastrophic event. In this case, it seems like you two rushed too fast so it's pretty salvageable. And that kind of depends on you in a way.

What happens now is that you just go day by day, still being bf/gf and there really isn't that big of a difference between the two except that now you (or specifically he) doesn't have the looming pressure of "marriage" weighing on your necks.

But the whole rushed relationship, the whole spiel that you love him more than you think he could love you --all of that reeks of lack of self-esteem on your part and you need to work on that because that can singlehandely destroy your relationship by making you try to force this flower to bloom before it's ready and you'll wind up just shredding the whole thing apart.

Not everyone feels things the same way or at he same time, love is patient and an investment and by pushing and pushing you are forcing him to question whether the relationship is worth it instead of allowing it to grow on it's own because you're so desperate to feel "secure" by locking him down.

No reason for it to get weird cause it's not that different, but take each day at a time. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, then what's some more time to do it? You already are spending your life with him right now. The ring only means so much.

Dapper Dabbler

6,950 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Friendly 100
legnanellaf5
Part of it is that you are ARE 19 and got so serious so fast that yes you will think it will never be better than him. Reality is though is that you can find better, and while you may think you will never love someone more than this guy, you only are 19 and barely have lived. I dont think that breaking off the engagement on its own means it is over, however you guys dont seem to be mentally prepared for what you wanted to do, and were playing house. You havent been together long enough to have an anniversary, yet you are living together, were engaged up until now, and there is something there that is making you feel like it isnt right.

Can you bounce back from this? Honestly I think it is unlikely. Going back from step before marriage to just dating is rough on its own, but your whole situation seems like a big mess. You dont explain why exactly you gave back the ring, but it must be more than levels of love if you have a lot of times where you are hurting.


One small correction: He is 19 & I am 22. I know that doesn't make a difference, but I feel I've had enough experience from my relationship before him. I was with my ex for 6 years & even felt he would be the one I'd marry, but I didn't. Soon afterward I fell in love again with the person I'm with now. I guess I was so ready to marry my ex or thought I was that I rushed into things with the next guy who proposed. Our 1 year anniversary is actually next month & now it feels awkward to even celebrate that. I would really like advice on how to feel comfortable with girlfriend status again & not advice on how to get over him. I'll ask for that when we actually break up, trust me.
Kibbity_Kabbit2
legnanellaf5
Part of it is that you are ARE 19 and got so serious so fast that yes you will think it will never be better than him. Reality is though is that you can find better, and while you may think you will never love someone more than this guy, you only are 19 and barely have lived. I dont think that breaking off the engagement on its own means it is over, however you guys dont seem to be mentally prepared for what you wanted to do, and were playing house. You havent been together long enough to have an anniversary, yet you are living together, were engaged up until now, and there is something there that is making you feel like it isnt right.

Can you bounce back from this? Honestly I think it is unlikely. Going back from step before marriage to just dating is rough on its own, but your whole situation seems like a big mess. You dont explain why exactly you gave back the ring, but it must be more than levels of love if you have a lot of times where you are hurting.


One small correction: He is 19 & I am 22. I know that doesn't make a difference, but I feel I've had enough experience from my relationship before him. I was with my ex for 6 years & even felt he would be the one I'd marry, but I didn't. Soon afterward I fell in love again with the person I'm with now. I guess I was so ready to marry my ex or thought I was that I rushed into things with the next guy who proposed. Our 1 year anniversary is actually next month & now it feels awkward to even celebrate that. I would really like advice on how to feel comfortable with girlfriend status again & not advice on how to get over him. I'll ask for that when we actually break up, trust me.


Yeah I edited it after when I realized it was the other way around. However still, you are young and looking at your other posts, you are in a situation where you are dependent on him but he is dependent on his family. You live with him, not in a place you own but something his mother owns, and you arent able to be on your own right now anyways. Him being 19 explains his omg I felt that I needed to propose reasoning, but at the end of the day you were all playing house and acting like you would get married in 2 years when you dont even have the means to be on your own truly. You guys need to collectively step back and be a bit more realistic about your situation here.

I dont think you will be comfortable with the girlfriend status. The jump to proposal so early itself is a sign of issues in the realtionship, and the end of it so soon it also. These both need to be addressed, and it isnt about 'love' here that caused both actions to happen. There is something that happened in fights that affects you. There is a deeper reason why you dont think he actually loves you, there is a reason why he thought he had to rush it all, this isnt something you push back.

Dapper Dabbler

6,950 Points
  • Conversationalist 100
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Friendly 100
Inscriven
When engagements break they're usually because of irreconcilable differences or a catastrophic event. In this case, it seems like you two rushed too fast so it's pretty salvageable. And that kind of depends on you in a way.

What happens now is that you just go day by day, still being bf/gf and there really isn't that big of a difference between the two except that now you (or specifically he) doesn't have the looming pressure of "marriage" weighing on your necks.

But the whole rushed relationship, the whole spiel that you love him more than you think he could love you --all of that reeks of lack of self-esteem on your part and you need to work on that because that can singlehandely destroy your relationship by making you try to force this flower to bloom before it's ready and you'll wind up just shredding the whole thing apart.

Not everyone feels things the same way or at he same time, love is patient and an investment and by pushing and pushing you are forcing him to question whether the relationship is worth it instead of allowing it to grow on it's own because you're so desperate to feel "secure" by locking him down.

No reason for it to get weird cause it's not that different, but take each day at a time. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, then what's some more time to do it? You already are spending your life with him right now. The ring only means so much.


Well, the catastrophic event would have probably been when I was kicked out by his mother & he didn't stand up for me. His mom owned the building we lived in & I even signed contracts on how to be a good housewife. I didn't reach her standards & was asked to leave. He said if he had stood up for me, he would have been kicked out as well & have nowhere to go. I had to move back in with my parents, because of the same thing. I was not this insecure in the beginning of this relationship. I think it started after we began fighting a lot & we didn't become a couple on a good foundation. The way we became a thing was the fact that I left my ex for him & he completely condoned that. So I'm so insecure that some other girl is going to do exactly to him what I did to my ex. Because I did that, I feel any other girl can do the same. & I'm just preparing for it to happen. He said he would never cheat on me & if he became unsatisfied, he'd tell me. Because we have hit this low, I'm just now preparing myself to hear him say it. Which I know is no way to love someone in a healthy way. But I want to work on being better & I have faith we can push through this. I don't care if I never marry him or wear the ring again. I just want to keep being with him & I want us to be okay again.
Kibbity_Kabbit2
Inscriven
When engagements break they're usually because of irreconcilable differences or a catastrophic event. In this case, it seems like you two rushed too fast so it's pretty salvageable. And that kind of depends on you in a way.

What happens now is that you just go day by day, still being bf/gf and there really isn't that big of a difference between the two except that now you (or specifically he) doesn't have the looming pressure of "marriage" weighing on your necks.

But the whole rushed relationship, the whole spiel that you love him more than you think he could love you --all of that reeks of lack of self-esteem on your part and you need to work on that because that can singlehandely destroy your relationship by making you try to force this flower to bloom before it's ready and you'll wind up just shredding the whole thing apart.

Not everyone feels things the same way or at he same time, love is patient and an investment and by pushing and pushing you are forcing him to question whether the relationship is worth it instead of allowing it to grow on it's own because you're so desperate to feel "secure" by locking him down.

No reason for it to get weird cause it's not that different, but take each day at a time. If you plan on spending the rest of your life with him, then what's some more time to do it? You already are spending your life with him right now. The ring only means so much.


Well, the catastrophic event would have probably been when I was kicked out by his mother & he didn't stand up for me. His mom owned the building we lived in & I even signed contracts on how to be a good housewife. I didn't reach her standards & was asked to leave. He said if he had stood up for me, he would have been kicked out as well & have nowhere to go. I had to move back in with my parents, because of the same thing. I was not this insecure in the beginning of this relationship. I think it started after we began fighting a lot & we didn't become a couple on a good foundation. The way we became a thing was the fact that I left my ex for him & he completely condoned that. So I'm so insecure that some other girl is going to do exactly to him what I did to my ex. Because I did that, I feel any other girl can do the same. & I'm just preparing for it to happen. He said he would never cheat on me & if he became unsatisfied, he'd tell me. Because we have hit this low, I'm just now preparing myself to hear him say it. Which I know is no way to love someone in a healthy way. But I want to work on being better & I have faith we can push through this. I don't care if I never marry him or wear the ring again. I just want to keep being with him & I want us to be okay again.


Outside of this boy, what do you have going on in your life? Hobbies, friends, school, job? Any big goals for your life you want to work on?

If things do work out, it will be because you give it time and patience. It's a LOT easier to be patient and give things time if your brain has other things on chew on. So keep dating him, but make sure you're spending time with friends. And time doing your hobbies. And working on bettering yourself. See if you can go down to 1-2 dates a week with the boyfriend, and keep yourself super busy the rest of the time.

Tipsy Kitten

8,800 Points
  • Cat Fancier 100
  • Money Never Sleeps 200
  • Peoplewatcher 100
User Image

I went through the exact same thing. My fiance and I were together for less than a year and because of some s**t we went through together, we got engaged really quickly. It was about a year after that we started having problems so we decided to just break off the engagement for a while, we were young and we were stupid and it was all very rushed. He wasn't sure if he really loved me and all that.

I told him that we needed to take some time to take things slowly, something we never did, but I needed to know by the end of the summer whether he loved me and wanted to be with me so that I knew whether to stay with him, or let him go and get on with my life since the situation wasn't fair to either of us.

We got engaged again a year ago.

It's hard getting used to just being the girlfriend again, but sometimes you need to step back and re-evaluate the situation and focus more on each other and NOT the status of your relationship, the status of the relationship means nothing if you can't get along. Take this time to really bond with each other and look after yourself. Take it one day at a time and learn to appreciate each other again. Pushing him and pushing him to make yourself feel secure only damages the relationship further.

Keep dating him, but do things that are good for YOU, but don't push or try to force him to make decisions he may not be ready to make and if it happens that he doesn't really love you, you're young enough that you still have plenty of time to find another boy that makes you just as happy -if not moreso.

User Image

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum