Break ups. Help.

[Yatagarasuu]

Recently my girlfriend of three years that I've met on Gaia broke up with me because she wasn't "feeling" us. I'm 22, she's 19. She works a lot of hours while I have college and a part-time job.

She lives in Indiana and I live in Texas. We've seen each other about 4 times during the years we were together. I went to her prom, she came here during the summer and vice versa. I recently visited her early August and spent a week with her however before then our relationship was somewhat bland.

Now rewind a couple of months back. During the summer, she was pretty much wrapped up in her gaming outside of work and really didn't spend much time with me. I know communication is a must in a long distance relationship which is why I try to talk on skype with her the majority of the time. During this period, we would be on skype however it would mostly me just listen to her play while I do my own things. I'm a pretty emotional guy so I kinda get upset when she doesn't pay attention to me. Occasionally we'll watch anime or a movie, but that's just once in a while. After a while, a met someone else who started showing some affection towards me and because of that, I got confused. "Do I have feelings for this other girl? Am I cheating on my girlfriend because of how I feel about the other girl?" I just didn't know what to do and became really depressed. Deep down I knew I wanted to be with my girlfriend so I told her about how she wasn't giving me the time of day and how upset I was about it. She sympathized with me and became more affection. Things got better between me and her however, I still have this desire to talk to this other girl.

As August neared in, I basically told this other girl how I felt about her, how I felt about my girlfriend and that ended our little fling. We didn't do anything besides play a few games together and talked but that's about it. Soon afterwards, I bought my plane tickets to Indiana to visit my girlfriend to patch things up.

When we got there, we both had fun. We went out, did activities, went to the fair, got frisky, etc. I thought things were getting better and I was overall, happy again.

Just about two/three weeks ago, my girlfriend got another game and once again, a majority of her time went into that. Things were getting worse. Again. The next week we took a break from our relationship, which I thought was a bad idea because for some reason, it didn't sit well with me. The only reason I agreed to it was because last year, the same thing happened where we just kinda got on each other nerves and took a break and things worked extremely well when we got back.

So for about 4 days of the break I ask her how she felt about the break and she said things still haven't gotten better. She told me she felt obliged to talk to me, even though she wasn't in the mood to talk and it felt like we were breathing down each others neck. She also mentioned to me that things weren't getting better even when I visited her, that things were just kinda the same. I thought that maybe if we really wanted to be together things would get better, so I kept trying to do more activities with her. I went out and bought the game she played to hopefully spark something up with a common interest however, she said she felt like I was pushing it and didn't things were going to work. It made me really upset knowing that our feelings weren't mutual so we decided to break up.

She told me she still loves me and that there possibly, we might get back together but she doesn't want that chance to hold me back from doing so and I understand that. Someone told me that was just some post-lover affection and that it shouldn't be taken seriously? Idk. We've been talking every day on Skype still but just as friends. She said she likes things this way however on the other hand, I still want to be with her. Others suggest because we're still talking to each other we have good communication and maybe something might happen? That's honestly what I'm hoping for.

I've been trying really hard to be nice to her and such and showing that I care for her without telling her I love her so it won't feel like I'm pushing it. We still play the same game, which is pretty fun. Sometimes I would accidentally call her "sweetie" or something but that's just out of habit. However when I'm not talking to her, things just really suck and I get depressed. Keeping myself busy only works for so long but I would constantly check my phone to see if she texted me, or check skype/PSN to see if she's online. And if she is, I just wonder why she wouldn't call me because that's what we've been doing.

I want to keep trying because I still love her but it's taking a toll for me. I don't want to give up what we had ):

If anyone can give any advice, insight, opinions about this, I would be grateful. Feel free to be completely honest with me, I don't really take things offensively.

Thank you! (:

[legnanellaf5]

Accept reality. You cant make this relationship work if she isnt into it. You have had this issue before, you are looking at other women, and you are distanced from her. It is over. She attempted to work it out, and oyu did too, but it didnt work out. It wasnt for lack of trying but you cant save this.

Because she is so not into you romantically and you are so are, I dont think being friends is a good thing for you. You wil still want more and she will stil be okay with just being friends in the end. She is over you. Follow suit.

[Yatagarasuu]

legnanellaf5

Accept reality. You cant make this relationship work if she isnt into it. You have had this issue before, you are looking at other women, and you are distanced from her. It is over. She attempted to work it out, and oyu did too, but it didnt work out. It wasnt for lack of trying but you cant save this.

Because she is so not into you romantically and you are so are, I dont think being friends is a good thing for you. You wil still want more and she will stil be okay with just being friends in the end. She is over you. Follow suit.

Do you think that if we both wanted to work, we could have done it? Because I feel like she was just following her feelings rather than trying to make it really work. And feelings are so wishy washy.

Also, do you think that because she said something might happen in the future, is it even possible?

[Your Akina]

Yatagarasuu

Do you think that if we both wanted to work, we could have done it? Because I feel like she was just following her feelings rather than trying to make it really work. And feelings are so wishy washy.

Also, do you think that because she said something might happen in the future, is it even possible?

Of course if you both want it to work, it could have happened. But let's be real, long distance relationships can be an extraordinary amount of work- more than the average person is willing to put in. She was not meeting your needs and she is not likely to meet them in the future without undergoing some personal growth. Don't wait for that. Slowly disengage and let that chapter of your life close so you can heal and start seeking other relationships.

[legnanellaf5]

Yatagarasuu

legnanellaf5

Accept reality. You cant make this relationship work if she isnt into it. You have had this issue before, you are looking at other women, and you are distanced from her. It is over. She attempted to work it out, and oyu did too, but it didnt work out. It wasnt for lack of trying but you cant save this.

Because she is so not into you romantically and you are so are, I dont think being friends is a good thing for you. You wil still want more and she will stil be okay with just being friends in the end. She is over you. Follow suit.

Do you think that if we both wanted to work, we could have done it? Because I feel like she was just following her feelings rather than trying to make it really work. And feelings are so wishy washy.

Also, do you think that because she said something might happen in the future, is it even possible?

Possibly, but the thing is, yes she was following her feelings. Because that was the issue, she didnt feel it working out anymore. Her going to see you, trying to be more affectionate, that was her trying to make it work,. The isue here was that her feelings were wishy washy, and it didnt change even though you saw her in person.

I honestly say no it wont happen. That sounds like something you say to soften the blow. It also gives you false hope, which i dont think she meant, but it is very unlikely that she is going to suddenly change her mind when all that has happened is that she made you les of a pirority in her life since she doesnt want to put effort into this.

[Yakashiku]

Yatagarasuu

legnanellaf5

Accept reality. You cant make this relationship work if she isnt into it. You have had this issue before, you are looking at other women, and you are distanced from her. It is over. She attempted to work it out, and oyu did too, but it didnt work out. It wasnt for lack of trying but you cant save this.

Because she is so not into you romantically and you are so are, I dont think being friends is a good thing for you. You wil still want more and she will stil be okay with just being friends in the end. She is over you. Follow suit.

Do you think that if we both wanted to work, we could have done it? Because I feel like she was just following her feelings rather than trying to make it really work. And feelings are so wishy washy.

Also, do you think that because she said something might happen in the future, is it even possible?

Okay I have been in a similar position like this. Do u think she really wanted it to work? If she did u guys would probably still be together considering u seem like u've been trying really hard. My ex said the same thing that "something MIGHT happen in the future", this is a lie and gives u false hope. It leads u to stay ur course and keep trying to make things work which will probably get on her nerves because that's not wat she wants. Honestly, wat she said to u after the break up was meant to make u feel less sad about it and help u move on even tho it feels like there's hope there. I would have loved it if me and my ex got back together but just myself putting in the effort was only hurting me. I suggest u try to move on and do u. Do things to do that will make u happy as a single person now. Yes, its hard to give up wat u once had but would u rather be in a OK relationship just getting by or move on, feel some pain and hopefully find another girl that will make u feel special. I feel like s**t right now because I cut off my ex even tho she wanted to be "friends" but i couldnt deal with just being that. She already moved on and started dating another guy and still had the audacity to say she still loved and cared for me. Well, i'm not going to put myself in that position of emotional instability. Look forward, chin up and hope for the best. Life puts people in ur life for a reason and removes them when they have served their purpose and are no longer good for u.

[Tenshichan~dream]

First it sounds like long distant relationships shouldn't really be your thing. The amount of affection and attention that you want, is very hard to maintain with long distant communication. Also relationships, they get even more strained when one person wants to be with the other more than the other wants to be with them.


But most importantly. You have been with your gf for a good chunk of time. It sounds like you havent been broken up for maybe even a month. And it is normal to want to be back together with an ex. However, it is going to take a lot longer to get over her if you stay friends, one of the fastest ways to get over a break up is to try and stop thinking of that person. Id suggest to take a break from being friends with her.