Boyfriend wants to elope

[Hanny_Franco]

Re-posting this because it got moved to The CB instead of here? (My bad)

Alright long story, he is 27 and an old soul. His grandparents ran away to West Virginia and eloped. He has always pictured his wedding being that way. No bells and whistles, just us. I can totally respect that. But I want, a wedding. In fact id go asfar as to say I deserve a wedding. I'm 24 have a good job and work hard for everything I have and at everything I do. I told him I'd elope only if I got my wedding a year to the date after we sign the papers. He doesn't want that. I don't even want a big wedding, I just want friends and family in a small church with an outdoor home cooked reception. We just have a different idea of the perfect wedding, and It seems like it's more about money to him rather than a celebration at this point. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn't see why I want a wedding, and why it's important to me.

So I guess I'm asking for opinions more than advice, both are good. (but yes advice) Your personal experience if you have any would be good too. I haven't been active on Gaia in years and just got on a few months ago to ask this question but kinda got distracted by shinny things...

[legnanellaf5]

Stick to your guns because 'old soul' or not, if he respect your wishes he would want to indulge you in this. Especially since his plan is to do basically nothing, it doesnt hurt him to have a commitment ceremony at least.

And if he wont budge at all, that is a sign that you should marry him in the first place because he is unwillign to compromise.

[Desi the fuzzy fluffhead]

Have you guys actually sat down and talked about why you want to have a weeding and how important it actually is for you, and why he is so opposed to the idea of it.

Talk to him about money, like are you guys really hurting for it? Is there something you can cut out for a year to help lessen the cost of it? Maybe budget it out together.
Maybe cut out the honeymoon, or do something that doesn't cost too much.

[Your Akina]

Hanny_Franco

Re-posting this because it got moved to The CB instead of here? (My bad)

Alright long story, he is 27 and an old soul. His grandparents ran away to West Virginia and eloped. He has always pictured his wedding being that way. No bells and whistles, just us. I can totally respect that. But I want, a wedding. In fact id go asfar as to say I deserve a wedding. I'm 24 have a good job and work hard for everything I have and at everything I do. I told him I'd elope only if I got my wedding a year to the date after we sign the papers. He doesn't want that. I don't even want a big wedding, I just want friends and family in a small church with an outdoor home cooked reception. We just have a different idea of the perfect wedding, and It seems like it's more about money to him rather than a celebration at this point. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn't see why I want a wedding, and why it's important to me.

So I guess I'm asking for opinions more than advice, both are good. (but yes advice) Your personal experience if you have any would be good too. I haven't been active on Gaia in years and just got on a few months ago to ask this question but kinda got distracted by shinny things...

What reasons have you outlined as to why you want a wedding?

[Cheesy McCheese]

I think it's important to sit down with your boyfriend to determine why he wishes to elope vs. having a larger wedding. Then you need to share your thoughts of why you prefer to have larger wedding vs. eloping. What are some compromises you could make? For example, if money is a factor for your boyfriend, maybe you both could discuss money saving techniques for the wedding you want. This is potentially a once in a lifetime experience, and you both need to be happy with it.

[TerraNovePhoenix]

So before I reply to your post (which I'd certainly like to), I think you should know a few facts about me. I'm an Atheist 20 year old female who lives in the South. (And although this in particular doesn't matter,) I think weddings are a bunch of 'hooey.' However, I DO Understand wanting to celebrate the love you have with your significant other along with all of your Other loved ones. Many women Do want marriage -whether the ceremony be large or small. I honestly do get that. It's one of the biggest (potential) parts of a woman's life (right after having a child/children). If I'm understanding your post correctly, and the only issue is your partner not agreeing to go through with a ceremony, then.. I think you deserve better. I mean Especially if you CAN afford it.? Why in the world would he deny you something that would bring you such happiness.? Why is it such an issue with him.? I'm not really understanding that part. I mean he DOES want to legally get married right.? I'm imagining a little trip to Las Vegas, just you two and the person who will be bringing you together.? So what -to him- is so wrong with showing anyone/everyone(friends/family) how much he loves you (and vice versa)??

[The Luminosity]

Hanny_Franco

Re-posting this because it got moved to The CB instead of here? (My bad)

Alright long story, he is 27 and an old soul. His grandparents ran away to West Virginia and eloped. He has always pictured his wedding being that way. No bells and whistles, just us. I can totally respect that. But I want, a wedding. In fact id go asfar as to say I deserve a wedding. I'm 24 have a good job and work hard for everything I have and at everything I do. I told him I'd elope only if I got my wedding a year to the date after we sign the papers. He doesn't want that. I don't even want a big wedding, I just want friends and family in a small church with an outdoor home cooked reception. We just have a different idea of the perfect wedding, and It seems like it's more about money to him rather than a celebration at this point. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn't see why I want a wedding, and why it's important to me.

So I guess I'm asking for opinions more than advice, both are good. (but yes advice) Your personal experience if you have any would be good too. I haven't been active on Gaia in years and just got on a few months ago to ask this question but kinda got distracted by shinny things...

Don't elope.

For someone your age, it's amazing that you compromised so beautifully and made it a win-win. As in, he gets to elope and feel that thrill, then a year after you two are use to being married and saving up money can have a celebration at the church with family and friends. That's perfectly reasonable, loving, and completely unselfish!

The fact that he's trying to blindly recreate his grandparents' relationship means he's too immature to make a serious decision on marriage. The thing is marriage should be thoroughly discussed, planned together, and both must be on the same page about everything. It's not his grandparents' relationship, it's yours and his; you two should make it your own. If he can't understand that, then he's not an "old soul" who is wise beyond his years, but a guy in his 20s still trying to figure things out.

[Hanny_Franco]

Your Akina

Hanny_Franco

Re-posting this because it got moved to The CB instead of here? (My bad)

Alright long story, he is 27 and an old soul. His grandparents ran away to West Virginia and eloped. He has always pictured his wedding being that way. No bells and whistles, just us. I can totally respect that. But I want, a wedding. In fact id go asfar as to say I deserve a wedding. I'm 24 have a good job and work hard for everything I have and at everything I do. I told him I'd elope only if I got my wedding a year to the date after we sign the papers. He doesn't want that. I don't even want a big wedding, I just want friends and family in a small church with an outdoor home cooked reception. We just have a different idea of the perfect wedding, and It seems like it's more about money to him rather than a celebration at this point. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn't see why I want a wedding, and why it's important to me.

So I guess I'm asking for opinions more than advice, both are good. (but yes advice) Your personal experience if you have any would be good too. I haven't been active on Gaia in years and just got on a few months ago to ask this question but kinda got distracted by shinny things...

What reasons have you outlined as to why you want a wedding?

It's somt I've always wanted, not just for me but for my family. You see family is my #1 priority in life and I want to celebrate my life becoming our life with the people I care most about. I also want to have the memory of our celebration to hold on to. I want to show the world how much I love him thru our celebration I want him to know, with out a double that I love him. I want everyone to see our love at its purest. (Ok that sounded so stupid) but most importantly I want to get married in a way that represents BOTH of us, and I'm not an elope kinda person. I kinda don't even know if they are good reasons but I also feel like everyone deserves to have a wedding with the person they love.

[lividdarkangel800]

i would sit down and talk with him about it. maybe there is a way you too could compromise. the wedding is usually more important to the woman than to the man, so maybe he just doesn't get it. i am lucky since my hubby and i usually agree on pretty much everything so everything was pretty easy to plan. either way i wish you luck!

[Gallifrey Crystal Gem]

It sounds like you two need to sit and talk about what you want to do.

[The Ubiquitous]

I agree you should stick to your guns, your compromise of a year later ceremony is really sweet. I get he sees his life going one way but in wanting to marry you he has got to make room for your ideals the way you have made room for his.

[Your Akina]

Hanny_Franco

It's somt I've always wanted, not just for me but for my family. You see family is my #1 priority in life and I want to celebrate my life becoming our life with the people I care most about. I also want to have the memory of our celebration to hold on to. I want to show the world how much I love him thru our celebration I want him to know, with out a double that I love him. I want everyone to see our love at its purest. (Ok that sounded so stupid) but most importantly I want to get married in a way that represents BOTH of us, and I'm not an elope kinda person. I kinda don't even know if they are good reasons but I also feel like everyone deserves to have a wedding with the person they love.

A really confusing perception seems to surround marriage for some people. They think that marriage is a bonding between person A and person B. For most people, it's not. It's a bonding between family A and family B. Tell him you will have the rest of your life for "just us" moments, but for this milestone, you will not budge on having your family celebrate with you.

I will tell you my dirty secret: I love my husband. I love that we're married. I love that we'll be together forever. But I compromised on our wedding and I regret every moment of the ceremony. Not the fact that it happened - don't get me wrong, the highlight of my life has been tying the knot with this man, but the ceremony and the way it was done is something I'll never look back fondly on. It actually makes me a little angry to think about it.

I'm not saying don't compromise, but be careful about the parts of the ceremony you hold important. Weigh them carefully. You want a family wedding? Fine, but do you need all 148 people there, or just mom and dad? Just food for thought. Good luck.

[Tsubahi]

If he INSISTS on it in spite of your suggestions as well as your respect for his wishes, better elope...BY YOURSELF! eek

[Stale Taste]

I said this in your other thread, but I will say it again. If you two cannot even compromise on this, you shouldn't be considering marriage and should be focusing on your communication, etc.

[GrandpaJones]

Hanny_Franco

Re-posting this because it got moved to The CB instead of here? (My bad)

Alright long story, he is 27 and an old soul. His grandparents ran away to West Virginia and eloped. He has always pictured his wedding being that way. No bells and whistles, just us. I can totally respect that. But I want, a wedding. In fact id go asfar as to say I deserve a wedding. I'm 24 have a good job and work hard for everything I have and at everything I do. I told him I'd elope only if I got my wedding a year to the date after we sign the papers. He doesn't want that. I don't even want a big wedding, I just want friends and family in a small church with an outdoor home cooked reception. We just have a different idea of the perfect wedding, and It seems like it's more about money to him rather than a celebration at this point. I guess my biggest issue is he doesn't see why I want a wedding, and why it's important to me.

So I guess I'm asking for opinions more than advice, both are good. (but yes advice) Your personal experience if you have any would be good too. I haven't been active on Gaia in years and just got on a few months ago to ask this question but kinda got distracted by shinny things...

look honey only you know....you have to think about it seriously. But only you can do this. If for any reason you don't want this then don't...thats the only advice I can give you

gramps