The Kitten Meow
- Posted: Mon, 04 Feb 2013 20:56:55 +0000
(っ◕‿◕)っ ♥ ----------
Okay, so yesterday I had my fortnightly session of counselling with my psychologist who I've been seeing for over a year now (if it helps I'm being put through therapy for PTSD, anxiety and depression).
Our session yesterday focused mainly on my boyfriend and my relationship and the fact that over the past week, I had spiraled into a deep hole of depression all over again. We dicussed my fight against self-harm during the past week, what triggered me etc.
What I noticed was, is that my anxiety levels and depression increase when he and I fight (not over the big stuff though). For instance, the other night, he got irrationally angry at me because he wants me to go to uni and I don't want to go to uni.
I'm usually the kind of girl who gets hung up over the small stuff and I get quite knarky about it. For instance, he'll forget to tell his parents something about our plans and I'll get really mad over it. In my session with my psychologist and after a long chat with my mother, I finally decided that I needed to learn to let things go and not sweat the small stuff because it was only causing me problems.
I got home and we (my boyfriend and I) talked on skype. I had missed the last period of my school day to go to see my psychologist, so I asked if we'd gotten any homework. He said he didn't write it down and had forgotten. So I sent back, "That's okay, no problem. smile I'll just ask S" (S is a friend in our class). Instantly, he jumps on me saying: Something's not right....I feel you should be mad. To which I reply: There really is not point in being mad. I can just get the homework off S. Thanks anyway babe.
So we continued talking and he brings up his parents. Now, for a bit of background information, things between his parents and I have been a little rocky, so I'm not all that fond of them and they're not fond of me either. He tells me: I'm going to do homework with them, which means I'll be spending most of the night with them. I was like: Oh, okay. No problem. You might learn something. smile
He then called me on skype and started saying that it was all wrong and that I should jump on his back and yell at him and stuff and that I felt "alien". I calmly tried to explain that I wasn't different at all, I simply changed my attitude, but he felt "abandoned" and like "I didn't care about his decisions anymore". After a long-winded explanation and him crying, he went to do homework with his parents. Usually, I would have sat waiting at my computer the entire time, eager for him to get back and when he didn't come back when he said, I'd cry and get really depressed. This time, I didn't. I read and basically spent time with myself and was generally happy. I know that this is a step in the right direction for me, but he doesn't seem able to accept that.
I guess in a way, I'm wondering whether it was a smart thing to do? I don't want to hurt him. He feels like he's dating a different person, when the fact is, I'm still me, I'm just not going to react negatively anymore.