boyfriend and sex issues (mature)

break up?

yes	35.0%	[ 7 ]
no	20.0%	[ 4 ]
im in the same boat as you	10.0%	[ 2 ]
tough, idk	35.0%	[ 7 ]
Total Votes:			[ 20 ]

[~my butt is bubbly~]

*this is a mule by the way*
lately i've been telling my boyfriend i dont want to do anything sexual because i dont feel comfortable doing anything of that sort and i never really did. we've been going out for 1 year and 3 months and we've been sexually active since the beginning until about a month ago. ever since i told him i don't want to do anything, he's been grumpy and we've been getting into a fight almost every time we talk. i'm always crying and he's always mad. sometimes i feel like i love him to death and other times i just wish i never met him...any advice?

EDIT: also, i've told him to stop any sexual comments about me because it makes me feel like all he wants is sex. is this a bad thing to do?
i already tried talking to him about this so many times and he just says don't talk to me for the rest of this week...

[Starlurk]

I can see why he's a little upset, it's probably confusing that you seemed so into it before and that you aren't now. He might even take it as an insult.

Have you clearly expressed how uncomfortable you've been this entire time? Because I think at this point he deserves to know. If you have and he's still upset then that's a whole different issue. You deserve better if that's the case.

[Kamorynth]

You took something away from him that he might find as a big connecting point for you two. If you’ve been having sex from the very beginning, taking it away without a thorough explanation of how you feel will definitely upset him... And even if you explained yourself, a lot of people can’t handle abstinence when they’ve been dating some one for over a year, if ever. If this keeps up and neither of you will give into the other’s feelings, which there should be a compromise and not a where only one of you gets what you want, then it’s probably a sign to discuss whether or not things are really working out. If you have talked to him and he is still acting this way, it wouldn't seem like your feelings mean a lot to him.

[~my butt is bubbly~]

Jaded_Illusionz

You took something away from him that he might find as a big connecting point for you two. If you’ve been having sex from the very beginning, taking it away without a thorough explanation of how you feel will definitely upset him... And even if you explained yourself, a lot of people can’t handle abstinence when they’ve been dating some one for over a year, if ever. If this keeps up and neither of you will give into the other’s feelings, which there should be a compromise and not a where only one of you gets what you want, then it’s probably a sign to discuss whether or not things are really working out. If you have talked to him and he is still acting this way, it wouldn't seem like your feelings mean a lot to him.

we never really had sex...but just the touching and things like that...

[casper_montihugh]

I agree with the others, and it's said that fellows feel like they're cared for when in moments that intimate (Probably due to the instinct that they must reproduce)...
Maybe he feels like he has done something wrong, and have a poor way to express himself?

[Kamorynth]

~my butt is bubbly~

Jaded_Illusionz

You took something away from him that he might find as a big connecting point for you two. If you’ve been having sex from the very beginning, taking it away without a thorough explanation of how you feel will definitely upset him... And even if you explained yourself, a lot of people can’t handle abstinence when they’ve been dating some one for over a year, if ever. If this keeps up and neither of you will give into the other’s feelings, which there should be a compromise and not a where only one of you gets what you want, then it’s probably a sign to discuss whether or not things are really working out. If you have talked to him and he is still acting this way, it wouldn't seem like your feelings mean a lot to him.

we never really had sex...but just the touching and things like that...

Mmm well then he probably just feels like he should be getting sex. I have a 3 month rule, and I'm perfectly capable of abstinence, but if I'm with a person for a over a year I would probably want to be getting laid. If you're not comfortable with sex, it's probably one of those things that need to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. Of course, this isn't your fault, stuff happens and things come into perspective. You two just need to sit down on a good day, and just discuss your relationship. Communication is an essential to any relationship.

[~my butt is bubbly~]

Jaded_Illusionz

~my butt is bubbly~

Jaded_Illusionz

You took something away from him that he might find as a big connecting point for you two. If you’ve been having sex from the very beginning, taking it away without a thorough explanation of how you feel will definitely upset him... And even if you explained yourself, a lot of people can’t handle abstinence when they’ve been dating some one for over a year, if ever. If this keeps up and neither of you will give into the other’s feelings, which there should be a compromise and not a where only one of you gets what you want, then it’s probably a sign to discuss whether or not things are really working out. If you have talked to him and he is still acting this way, it wouldn't seem like your feelings mean a lot to him.

we never really had sex...but just the touching and things like that...

Mmm well then he probably just feels like he should be getting sex. I have a 3 month rule, and I'm perfectly capable of abstinence, but if I'm with a person for a over a year I would probably want to be getting laid. If you're not comfortable with sex, it's probably one of those things that need to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. Of course, this isn't your fault, stuff happens and things come into perspective. You two just need to sit down on a good day, and just discuss your relationship. Communication is an essential to any relationship.

we've considered that but we always end up in an argument...

[Kamorynth]

~my butt is bubbly~

Jaded_Illusionz

~my butt is bubbly~

Jaded_Illusionz

You took something away from him that he might find as a big connecting point for you two. If you’ve been having sex from the very beginning, taking it away without a thorough explanation of how you feel will definitely upset him... And even if you explained yourself, a lot of people can’t handle abstinence when they’ve been dating some one for over a year, if ever. If this keeps up and neither of you will give into the other’s feelings, which there should be a compromise and not a where only one of you gets what you want, then it’s probably a sign to discuss whether or not things are really working out. If you have talked to him and he is still acting this way, it wouldn't seem like your feelings mean a lot to him.

we never really had sex...but just the touching and things like that...

Mmm well then he probably just feels like he should be getting sex. I have a 3 month rule, and I'm perfectly capable of abstinence, but if I'm with a person for a over a year I would probably want to be getting laid. If you're not comfortable with sex, it's probably one of those things that need to be discussed at the beginning of a relationship. Of course, this isn't your fault, stuff happens and things come into perspective. You two just need to sit down on a good day, and just discuss your relationship. Communication is an essential to any relationship.

we've considered that but we always end up in an argument...

"Sometimes" arguments are the best form of communication. You temporarily don't care about their feelings and are completely honest. Afterwards, you calm down, you take everything in, and that's when you can rationally talk things over. Generally apologizing if you got carried away is a good idea though ^^

But to be honest, if you've tried communication and it's not working, I don't see a lot of hope in your future D: Just... If you don't want to give up, keep fighting for things to work. I like happy endings but I know better than you always assume everything will work out fine.

[Starlurk]

The truth is, if you're uncomfortable with sex, you shouldn't pursue it with anyone until you do. neutral If it's something you need time or therapy for then if he loves you he'll realize that right now, your need is bigger than his, no matter how much guys value sex.

[lee rei]

if a guy doesn't get release he is bound to get irritable,sex is like a drug and once you get a little you need more or else you go through withdrawals,
not mention he's probably confused as to why you seemed so into it and all of a sudden you don't want it,and remember no matter how logical your excuse is he is deprived he wont be able to understand/accept that you just don't want it,

so either your pissed as hell at him and wont tell him why,or you're cheating on him

[Kamorynth]

Starlurk

your need is bigger than his, no matter how much guys value sex.

>.> Women generally value sex just as much as men do.

[Starlurk]

Jaded_Illusionz

Starlurk

your need is bigger than his, no matter how much guys value sex.

>.> Women generally value sex just as much as men do.

I realize that, but I've also seen at least one person in this thread try to pull the "men need sex no matter what!" argument. Obviously, right now, this woman doesn't value sex and isn't comfortable with it, so the last thing she needs to hear is that her boyfriend needs it no matter how she feels.

[i will always be me]

~my butt is bubbly~

EDIT: also, i've told him to stop any sexual comments about me because it makes me feel like all he wants is sex. is this a bad thing to do?

he wouldn't comment about it if he's not after sex alone, right? |:

i htink it would be better if you break up with him `cause it's like you're being used.
you're not just his sexmate/buddy
he should respect and love you.

[Kamorynth]

Starlurk

Jaded_Illusionz

Starlurk

your need is bigger than his, no matter how much guys value sex.

>.> Women generally value sex just as much as men do.

I realize that, but I've also seen at least one person in this thread try to pull the "men need sex no matter what!" argument. Obviously, right now, this woman doesn't value sex and isn't comfortable with it, so the last thing she needs to hear is that her boyfriend needs it no matter how she feels.

Thanks for clarifying ^^

[Linii]

You can't have a sexual relationship (not referring to intercourse) with someone and then suddenly stop and expect them to be peachy with it. He's probably feeling really forsaken and confused.
If there was some sort of change to make you feel this way then you should talk to him about it so that you can get things back on track. If you always felt this way then you should have let him know right from the beginning, essentially you would be leading him on.

As everyone has pointed out, you need to talk to him about it. There's nothing anyone here can say or do to fix your problem. If you are not willing to go through with the arguing and disagreements that go along with working out problems, then you should break up.