Body Viewing

[drasmyrian]

So I will be going to view my boyfriends' body on Monday. I have attended only one other cremation before (that of my Uncle), but I have never viewed a body before.

Has anyone else?
What was it like?
Did it help with closure, or hinder?

[SPAstronaut]

I viewed my dad's but I was so young I don't even remember it. I wouldn't want to do it. I'd want the last time I see someone I care about, to be alive..

I'm sorry you have to go through this <3

[drasmyrian]

SPAstronaut

I viewed my dad's but I was so young I don't even remember it. I wouldn't want to do it. I'd want the last time I see someone I care about, to be alive..

I'm sorry you have to go through this <3

Yeah, the whole, last memory alive thing is why I didn't go to my Uncle's funeral. But I also feel that it might be a method of closure in a sense, as at the moment, I keep expecting a text or call from him.

[SPAstronaut]

drasmyrian

SPAstronaut

I viewed my dad's but I was so young I don't even remember it. I wouldn't want to do it. I'd want the last time I see someone I care about, to be alive..

I'm sorry you have to go through this <3

Yeah, the whole, last memory alive thing is why I didn't go to my Uncle's funeral. But I also feel that it might be a method of closure in a sense, as at the moment, I keep expecting a text or call from him.

If you feel as though it will help you get closure and heal, go for it. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. Hopefully you've got a lot of love and support helping you through this.

[Angeltear1716]

Sorry I'm a little confused, is this the funeral itself or a chance to see the body before the main funeral itself? Over here in the UK things like open caskets and viewing the body beforehand isn't really a big thing (only having been to two, I was frightened both times because of what I see in American media and had this idea in my head of what it'd be like...turns out it's not always the case!)

But if you can get out of actually seeing the body, I personally wouldn't. While I was told last year you -can- go to see the bodies in the funeral homes, I was advised never to take up the offer by my parents. That being said my grandmother died before christmas and with the holidays she wasn't buried within the next week... she was held for quite some time before we could get around to it. And of course bodies dont really keep well after a bit,
It's down to whether you feel you could see it without it really doing some damage to you and upsetting you further. Like others have said the image of them being alive, well and happy is probably the most precious thing, and if the whole funeral is something where it's open and there to see then maybe you could opt to do something privately instead. But if you feel you need to go right ahead and make your peace with things.

[Deathlover213]

My sympathies for your loss. In August my mother passed away and I went to the viewing with my dad and brothers. It didn't help much but it was a major slap of reality that the person in front of you is gone. At least funeral homes make them look good so they only appear to be sleeping. In the end it's up to those who knew them to view them. For some it may be closure and for others a painful reminder of losing a loved one. I hope you find some peace through the tragedy. Just try to remember them as they were, that's what has helped me more than the viewing.

[drasmyrian]

Angeltear1716

Sorry I'm a little confused, is this the funeral itself or a chance to see the body before the main funeral itself? Over here in the UK things like open caskets and viewing the body beforehand isn't really a big thing (only having been to two, I was frightened both times because of what I see in American media and had this idea in my head of what it'd be like...turns out it's not always the case!)

But if you can get out of actually seeing the body, I personally wouldn't. While I was told last year you -can- go to see the bodies in the funeral homes, I was advised never to take up the offer by my parents. That being said my grandmother died before christmas and with the holidays she wasn't buried within the next week... she was held for quite some time before we could get around to it. And of course bodies dont really keep well after a bit,
It's down to whether you feel you could see it without it really doing some damage to you and upsetting you further. Like others have said the image of them being alive, well and happy is probably the most precious thing, and if the whole funeral is something where it's open and there to see then maybe you could opt to do something privately instead. But if you feel you need to go right ahead and make your peace with things.

I am actually in the UK.

It's not so much an open casket, but a chance to see him before the coffin is closed for the cremation. So not technically an open casket, I guess.

[apiyo]

I'm sorry for your loss. I've been to plenty of funerals and viewings. I've been to more funerals than weddings actually. It's not a big deal or anything. I do think it helps accept the finality of a person's death because you can't deny it any longer if you see their body. Viewings have helped me with the closure of peoples' passing, even if I didn't know them that well. At the VERY worse they aren't made up very accurately or it's a child (I can't do kid bodies). The only thing I hate is when the funeral home does a bad job of preserving them so it is not pleasant if the person doesn't look like themselves. That's my objective opinion since I'm familiar with mortuary work.

[Teslapirate]

Honestly, it really depends on you. I had a friend pass away a couple years back and his family wanted a viewing...my close friend and I had mixed reactions. For me, it was just awkward. For her, it provided closure. I do feel the need to warn you, however - the body will NOT look like he did in real life. Due to autopsies and prep-work, they may have to contort the body to get it to fit inside the coffin. The body has heavy makeup applied to try to obscure the fact that...well, it's not alive any more.
I've also lost my father, who we had cremated and a burial at sea, but no viewing. Honestly, watching his ashes poured into the ocean was painful, but it was closure for me, while keeping my memories of him as he was alive - not a body in a casket.

Take some time to think for yourself and answer these two questions:
1. What do I want my final memories of him to be - how he was in the moments before he died, or how he was after death?
2. Will seeing the body give me closure, or seeing the ashes give me closure? What would I prefer in light of question #1? Would I rather do neither and just let time heal the wound?

This is something nobody can answer but you, and once you can answer these two things, you'll know what to do. I sympathize with your loss, it's never easy, and I hope you and all those he knew can support each other in this sad time.

[Cosmic Jirachi]

The thing about body viewings for me is, they make me feel really creeped out because I always think the body is breathing. I've heard it's a common illusion since you're used to seeing the person alive so your mind makes it seem like their chest is moving up and down or their limbs are moving, so I can see how that would kind of mess with your head and make you feel worse.

However, while it's ultimately your choice, I think you should go with it. It might give you some closure as opposed to not getting one last chance to say goodbye. It will be hard, but it might be worth it, otherwise you might regret not doing it later on.

Just remember that it's okay to feel sadness and it's okay to cry. No one will judge you for it, so if it comes down to it then let it all out while you're visiting him.

[Angeltear1716]

drasmyrian

I am actually in the UK.

It's not so much an open casket, but a chance to see him before the coffin is closed for the cremation. So not technically an open casket, I guess.

Wow, small world! More often than not I find myself speaking with Americans on here smile

Now I'm on the same page as you, it really is up to you and what you think you can handle and whether you think you can go on as you were if you did see him in his current state. If other people are you don't need to feel obligated as his other half, after all the main service is for saying your goodbyes. But if it's something you really want to do then you should go ahead and do it with no regrets, it's one of those choices where no one can tell you what to do but the kicker is that you have to live with the choice. If it helps any, what would he want? Would he want you to have that chance to say goodbye privately and see him or would he want you to retain the memory of him alive?