Welcome to Gaia! ::


Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
In order for anyone to really understand what I mean when I say this, I'm going to have to provide a bit of a back story.
A few years ago, I was assigned as this guy's lab partner. We started hanging out during classes, and because I was so notoriously shy, everyone around us thought we were cute together. After a while of this, he started acting funny around me. He started trying to ask me out, but couldn't quite say it, and due to my insecurities I felt he had to for me to say yes, otherwise I couldn't be sure I wasn't just misunderstanding him. He repeated a lot of stuff about "being a gutless coward," because he couldn't talk to girls. (Which is weird, because, while he isn't a player, he's had plenty of girlfriends and just about every girl in the school has fallen for him at one point or another.) But then, he started drifting away from me, and I admit, I became kind of jealous and treated him pretty badly. But he always forgave me, and he did eventually ask me out. I said yes, but the next day he said he just wanted to be friends. I WAS going through puberty at the time, so it kind of threw me off for a long time, but we stayed friends.
Now, fast forward several years, and we are seniors. I haven't felt jealous of any of his girlfriends since I (thought) I got over him, and I've opened up a lot more, particularly now that my long term depression has been treated and dealt with. Our class recently went to Ashland for the day to see a play at the Shakespeare Festival, (Which was GREAT by the way!) and I had to sit in the front of the bus due to motion sickness, with the teacher and principal. He hung out with me on the bus for the entire bus ride, to Ashland and from, although he hung out with the guys when we got there. We had a great time, talking and laughing, but then on the way back, I got really sick. Everything I'd drank or eaten that day came back up, very suddenly. Even the water I drank to wash away the taste of the vomit came back up. Both he and the teacher held my hair out of my face while I puked, and got the other kids to pass up napkins for me when I was finished. It was late by the time we got back to school, and dark, and my dad had called and said he couldn't pick me up. The teacher offered me a ride, but he said he'd do it and she didn't argue. It was a very short ride, but during that time, he said something that has, once again, thrown me off.
"I hate being a coward." All he said about the comment was that he couldn't get the nerve to ask out the girl he likes. He didn't say anything else, and I didn't want to push him for details, so I changed the subject and we talked and laughed for a few minutes until he dropped me off.
He doesn't usually talk to me about these things. We graduate in a few months, at which point I will be headed off for college in the summer. The "coward" thing has really gotten to me, since it was what he said the first time he asked me out. I know the only way to be sure how he feels is to ask him, but I would really appreciate your opinions. Is he interested in me, or was he just hoping for my advice on the matter?
It's worth noting that I have often felt like a "surrogate girlfriend" for this friend, because when he's single he spends a lot more time with me, and gets a lot more hands-on. He pokes me in the side because I squeak when startled, etc., and he smiles a lot more when we talk. I feel like the backup. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't upset me. I love to help my friends, and if pestering me keeps his spirits up when he's single that's fine. I like hanging out with him, even if it's just at school. I've never held anything against him for what happened in the past. He's a very nice guy, everybody knows him and no one has anything bad to say against him, not even his exes. I was suspicious when I first met him, but now I consider him one of my closest friends, and though he doesn't know it, without him I don't think I would have conquered my depression. I probably would have committed suicide.
I'm wondering if I'm imagining my old feelings for him coming back up because I want so badly to be loved, and with prom coming up I really don't want to be alone. I've never dated before, and don't count the fling with him because literally nothing happened. We didn't even hold hands. He seems like the perfect match, even my parents love him, so maybe I'm attracted to the idea of dating him? And maybe that feeling is mutual. I just don't know anymore. I'm afraid to hope, because I don't want to get hurt again, and even if he DOES like me he probably won't say it. Whether he knows it or not, he's a MASTER of mixed signals, and I'm very confused.
We did talk about our ideal lives on the bus, and we both agreed that we wanted to settle down and have families, and he mentioned that he really likes to slow dance.
Were these signals that he likes me? Is he pining for another girl and accidentally sending me the wrong signals? Or is he not sure how he feels about me, and just wants to keep me around in case he decides he does like me? Am I reading WAY too far into this? I want to ask him, but I can't get him alone at school and besides, I don't want to seem pushy. Neither of us have ever set up a time outside of school to hang out, and I don't have his email. I can send him messages on facebook, but he never reads them because he's rarely on.
I apologize for the scattered post, my mind is pretty scattered so it's hard to organize my thoughts right now. If nothing else, I would like someone to talk to to get my mind off of him. It's not healthy to dwell on things like this.
Mm. Needs more paragraph.
I would avoid this guy or maybe be a little distant because he sounds confusing.

And don't make prom a priority to find a date. It's just a social event. Most people I saw at prom spent more time with their dates, years later telling me they should've hung out with their friends more. Of course they broke up haha.

I would really ask him of why he always thought he was a coward, then tell him to somehow man up instead of having his fear control him

Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
Sanosyn
Mm. Needs more paragraph.

Well it's a long story that spans years, it's a little hard to condense. (For me, anyway.)

Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
StreetchIck123
I would avoid this guy or maybe be a little distant because he sounds confusing.

And don't make prom a priority to find a date. It's just a social event. Most people I saw at prom spent more time with their dates, years later telling me they should've hung out with their friends more. Of course they broke up haha.

I would really ask him of why he always thought he was a coward, then tell him to somehow man up instead of having his fear control him

He is confusing, he's a very complicated person, but I like talking to him so I can't really avoid him. I wasn't planning on going to prom with anyone just for the sake of a date, and I'm sure I'll find at least one single friend to hang out with while I'm there. My problem is more the fear that he's reawakened my feelings for him, intentional or not, and that's it's going to hurt me. I was neglected as a child, so I was forced to "grow up" and take care of myself at a young age, so when I liked him I was ready to commit to a serious, long term relationship despite being a freshman. Meanwhile, he wasn't sure what he wanted in a relationship, and just wanted to have fun like most teenagers. (Pretty sure he's still a virgin, though.) We just weren't on the same page, and sometimes I wonder if that will always be the case. I don't fall easily, but when I do I fall hard.
In conclusion, being young sucks.
And yes, I've tried to talk to him about his self-esteem issues, as well as his tendency to be a pushover. (He wants to make everybody happy, and he will literally give his lunch away if it's packed from home and enough people beg him for it.) He's improved a lot on standing up for himself, but he still doubts himself. It actually really frustrates me, because all my friends are beautiful and wonderful and perfect people and I want them to know it!
Because you have been friends for a few years, all of those things can just be friendly stuff. The hanging out with the female more when single is pretty normal, usually instigated by a girlfriend who is wary. We know he DID ask you out before and did like you, but for some reason didnt commit to the idea. I dont know if it is worth going after though, because if he was confusing before and is confusing now, I would be worried about if he will be on and off about it again if he does like you. There is also that you are graduating that is a factor, that tends to end a lot of highschool relationships on its own.

Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
legnanellaf5
Because you have been friends for a few years, all of those things can just be friendly stuff. The hanging out with the female more when single is pretty normal, usually instigated by a girlfriend who is wary. We know he DID ask you out before and did like you, but for some reason didnt commit to the idea. I dont know if it is worth going after though, because if he was confusing before and is confusing now, I would be worried about if he will be on and off about it again if he does like you. There is also that you are graduating that is a factor, that tends to end a lot of highschool relationships on its own.

That pretty much sums it up. He had a long distance relationship with a girl he really liked before, and it didn't work out, so I don't think he'd be willing to try that again. Any advice on getting my mind off of him and back to normal?
AnonymousInsaneInsomniac
legnanellaf5
Because you have been friends for a few years, all of those things can just be friendly stuff. The hanging out with the female more when single is pretty normal, usually instigated by a girlfriend who is wary. We know he DID ask you out before and did like you, but for some reason didnt commit to the idea. I dont know if it is worth going after though, because if he was confusing before and is confusing now, I would be worried about if he will be on and off about it again if he does like you. There is also that you are graduating that is a factor, that tends to end a lot of highschool relationships on its own.

That pretty much sums it up. He had a long distance relationship with a girl he really liked before, and it didn't work out, so I don't think he'd be willing to try that again. Any advice on getting my mind off of him and back to normal?


Try to shut down that he is perfect mindset. IN these posts alone you identified a lot that isnt good about him, and things that would make being with him very annoying. Likely you wouldnt actually want to date him if he is still very confusing for you to understand after being so close for a few years.

Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
legnanellaf5
AnonymousInsaneInsomniac
legnanellaf5
Because you have been friends for a few years, all of those things can just be friendly stuff. The hanging out with the female more when single is pretty normal, usually instigated by a girlfriend who is wary. We know he DID ask you out before and did like you, but for some reason didnt commit to the idea. I dont know if it is worth going after though, because if he was confusing before and is confusing now, I would be worried about if he will be on and off about it again if he does like you. There is also that you are graduating that is a factor, that tends to end a lot of highschool relationships on its own.

That pretty much sums it up. He had a long distance relationship with a girl he really liked before, and it didn't work out, so I don't think he'd be willing to try that again. Any advice on getting my mind off of him and back to normal?


Try to shut down that he is perfect mindset. IN these posts alone you identified a lot that isnt good about him, and things that would make being with him very annoying. Likely you wouldnt actually want to date him if he is still very confusing for you to understand after being so close for a few years.

Easier said than done, but thank you. I know he's not perfect, but it's so hard to ignore the attraction. sweatdrop

Shameless Ladykiller

Hi there! Here is my opinion for whatever it is worth.

If you are friends with him, you should be able to talk to each other without having some sort of secret code. If you are interested in being more than just friends then it sounds like you would have to make the first move since he keeps playing the 'I'm a coward' card.

Highschool is full of drama. Honestly 90% of it will fade after you graduate. Just from what it is sounding like, I wouldn't put all of my hopes into him though. If he is really ao cowardly he doeant seem like the type of person who is ready for a long term relationship.

What you decide to do is your choice, of course, but if I could go back on time I would focus more on graduating and enjoying yourself. Theae are some of the best and worst yeara of your life. If things are truly meant to be with this boy, the timing will feel right.

Sorry for any typos I'm teying to write this on my phone. Also, I've been awake for 48 hours so I'm not sure my thought process is the best currently but Ill add an edit once I get some sleep. I wish you the best of luck!

Fuzzy Friend

9,575 Points
  • Cool Cat 500
  • Flatterer 200
  • Forum Dabbler 200
blood_red_night
Hi there! Here is my opinion for whatever it is worth.

If you are friends with him, you should be able to talk to each other without having some sort of secret code. If you are interested in being more than just friends then it sounds like you would have to make the first move since he keeps playing the 'I'm a coward' card.

Highschool is full of drama. Honestly 90% of it will fade after you graduate. Just from what it is sounding like, I wouldn't put all of my hopes into him though. If he is really ao cowardly he doeant seem like the type of person who is ready for a long term relationship.

What you decide to do is your choice, of course, but if I could go back on time I would focus more on graduating and enjoying yourself. Theae are some of the best and worst yeara of your life. If things are truly meant to be with this boy, the timing will feel right.

Sorry for any typos I'm teying to write this on my phone. Also, I've been awake for 48 hours so I'm not sure my thought process is the best currently but Ill add an edit once I get some sleep. I wish you the best of luck!



i like wut he said ^^

Quotable Conventioneer

11,000 Points
  • Conventioneer 300
  • Mark Twain 100
  • Megathread 100
blood_red_night
Hi there! Here is my opinion for whatever it is worth.

If you are friends with him, you should be able to talk to each other without having some sort of secret code. If you are interested in being more than just friends then it sounds like you would have to make the first move since he keeps playing the 'I'm a coward' card.

Highschool is full of drama. Honestly 90% of it will fade after you graduate. Just from what it is sounding like, I wouldn't put all of my hopes into him though. If he is really ao cowardly he doeant seem like the type of person who is ready for a long term relationship.

What you decide to do is your choice, of course, but if I could go back on time I would focus more on graduating and enjoying yourself. Theae are some of the best and worst yeara of your life. If things are truly meant to be with this boy, the timing will feel right.

Sorry for any typos I'm teying to write this on my phone. Also, I've been awake for 48 hours so I'm not sure my thought process is the best currently but Ill add an edit once I get some sleep. I wish you the best of luck!

Yes, that's kind of what I meant by there not being anything I can do about it. If I can gather the nerve to talk to him about it I will, otherwise I'll just ignore it. I figure if it's that important he will ask eventually, and if not, then it isn't something I need to worry about. Don't worry about the typos, it's the thought that counts!

Quick Reply

Submit
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum