Perhaps it is greatly out of place for me to speak on your behalf, considering I don't know your personality or sruggles on a personal level. However, I do question your sincerity in regards on coming to such a rushed and absolute conclusion that you are a transgendered individual. I perhaps wonder if in the long-run, your decision was rushed, and impulsive. I have experienced many moments in life where I had come to suddenly realize somthing that I didn't know/understand before. But I am of strong beleif that transgenderism is somthing that absolutely cannot, under any circumstances be realized in one, breif sitting. Being a transgender individual is somthing that you can feel deep inside your heart from birth, and will have always been a constant inner struggle all of your life, even at times where you did not understand. I don't believe there is a time where, expecially at your age (being a grown adult and having had the life skill/personal experience with your emotions) that it would be at all possible come to sudden realization that you yourself are transgender or that you "didn't understand" those feelings and emotions previously. I hope that you can understand the concept I present - I myself am also a transgendered individual and I speak from personal experience and from also being around others who happen to be transgender and hearing of their stories and struggles. It would be a sad thing indeed if you perhaps realized that your conclusion was indeed rushed and false, which will leave you feeling confused with damage that perhaps can not be undone. There happens to be alot more to being transgender MTF than just having a fetish for women's clothing, or otherwise - it is also a deep-rooted mindset. Do you feel female within your mind? Females take deep pride in their breasts and "va jay jay's", is having alterate sexual organs a strong desire for you? How do you think that would feel, both emotionally and physically? Transgender individuals will have a strong desire to posess alternate sexual organs, and experience the joy/satisfaction of taking pride in their gender. Most, let me stress most transgender MTF individuals will feel a strong hatred and disgust for being associated by their biological gender under any circumstance, including but not limited to being called by your birthname that represents your biological gender, using men's public restrooms, going in the men's area in the gym/public pool or other areas where you are grouped/associated with your biological gender, or even being seen topless, for that matter. Those things can usually bring about intense frustration, pain deep hurt inside. Some transgendered individuals even have a hard time being sexually active, or even thinking sexual thoughts - because they were born with the wrong organs according to their mindset, they tend not to understand the biological sexual organs they do have, which leads to sexual frustration and pent-up sexual energy. Women tend have a maternal instinct lying deep inside of their souls and an intense desire to care and nurture care for others, expecially children and even sometimes animals. Not all women for that matter, but it is somthing that is deep inside a woman's instict and mindframe. Do you find enjoyment in cooking, sewing, or perhaps any other mannerism which would be overall considered to be associated with feminie traits? It is not my intention to come off sexist or cliche', and nor do I believe that gender plays a signifigant role in a person's likes, dislikes or preferences, for that matter. What I am simply bringing to light here is the overall difference between the inner workings of a female's mindframe as opposed to a male's. Perhaps you can weigh into consideration the points I am trying to make. Being transgender is indeed a difficult hardship - expecially if you do not have the support and love of family and friends to fall back on. I was indeed blessed and fortunate in those regards. However, it was rather apparent ever since I was very small that I was indeed a transgendered individual. I was transgender all of my life, so it came as no shock for anyone, really. Always know that being transgender is a hard journey, and not at all easy. It is a personal struggle and battle within yourself. I hope with all of my heart that you have come to the right decision, though like I had stated before I do question your sincerity in regards on coming to such a sudden and rushed conclusion on such a complicated issue. Please do not rush your decision and experiment gradually with living as a female first, before coming to an absolute conclusion in regards to your sexuality/being transgender or otherwise. Not to say, but perhaps there may be deeper underlying personal issues that have triggered such throughts, or sudden reaction. Always take all aspects of your situation into deep consideration before you jump to such a conclusion about yourself. Open yourself to introspection. But know the journey that comes along with transgenderism is not an easy one at all. My best of luck to you, and sincere condolences to the hardships you face now.
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