Are mothers always right?

[Kartos]

Im a girl by the way, this is to protect my identity sweatdrop

Alright, I think this is going to be long so bear with me.

I have a boyfriend, we have been together for a year, I am crazy about him, but my mother keeps telling me to dump him, because he is no good for me and that he is going to drag me down. Now at first I wasn't bothered by this, but recently I have been thinking to myself, my mom has been right and helped me make the right desicions so far, is this one any different?

My boyfriend::
He doesn't work, he's applied for jobs but they all say no, he dropped out of school because he was very disrespectful to teachers and refuses to be told what to do. - This goes for me too, he wont do anything I tell him to.
He is planning to go to college next year, but he quits almost everything, so I'm not sure he will stick with it.
He lives with us, but of course with no job he doesn't earn, and my mother is getting angry having to look after 3 children instead of just me and my brother.
He has a best friend, he visits there nearly every other day, if not sooner, to hang around with him and play games and such, sometimes I think he wishes he swang that way so he could marry him.
He went into town to look for a job and didn't come back for hours, I got worried because we live in a bad area and tried to ring him, only to find out he was at his friends, of course I was steamed but carried on, I said that we were going to go eat that evening (i have mentioned it many times) and he replies "ring me when you want me back". So he has no intention of coming back to see me, but to eat.
These are only little problems to me, other then that he is caring, he buys me thing when he can, he makes me happy, he looks after me and protects me and I've grown very attatched to him, so I don't want to leave him.

Summed up: Hes a bum with no job, always visits his best friend, he is unreliable, he has no qualifications for a job. But he is kind and caring and looks after me and I don't want to loose him, I want to stick by him until he has a job and a car etc. It just... doesn't look like its happening any time soon. My mom is telling me to ditch him,because she thinks he wont be able to provide for me in the future and will only leech off me.

Fellow gaians, what do I do? Do I listen to my derranged mother? Or do I stay with who I love and help him go to college, get a job etc.? What would you do in this situation? I'm not a strong, confident person. I need help. Thanks.

Update on page 3

[Sensedog]

You might consider your mother to be "deranged", but she does have a point about your buyfriend. He needs to get his act together or else you need to find someone better.

[Inquiring Mindscrew]

Well, your mother may be right about this guy, but I don't think that I would be with someone who doesn't have any future...

[Miss Kupi]

You don't need to do what your mother says, but give her words some consideration. Your boyfriend needs to make his life something decent, especially if he wants you to be in his future. You shouldn't have to support you two.

At the same token, your mother just wants you to be careful. She just doesn't want something bad to happen to you, and tends to see the worse scenario. All mothers are like that, really.

Help your boyfriend get his GED, and help him find out what he wants to do for a living, and help him work for it. But if he seems like a moocher, cut him loose. You don't need that.

[Kartos]

*Looks at the posts* Alright thankyou guys, and Kupi-chan, that was very helpful.

[vyf]

Maybe he does swing both ways, that's why he's with his friend all the time.
JK, I think you should listen to your mother.

[Mhule]

ANYONE could easliy get a job at a factory or a place like mcdonalds, there's no real requirements for stuff like that. I would sit him down and talk to him, tell him to smarten up or you're leaving him and kicking him out of your house.

[Narvinye]

Stay with your boyfriend, but you must have him taking responsibility. Take a nice long talk with him, and if that doesn't clear up, put up an ultimatum.

[Dominic_Deegan]

Parents are not always 100% right. I'm not saying don't listen to your mom, but atleast consider what she has to say. Parents are constantly learning new things just like you are. Just becuase they are parents doesn't mean they know everything there is to know.

I don't think you need to involve you mother on this issue. This is all about you. I had a dead beat bf. I tried so hard to get him to stay in school and keep a job longer then one month. He would quit for stupid reasons. Ex: I don't like my boss/teacher. I feel like I'm being singled out. I feel like I'm being picked on. Instead of dealing with it and finding a way to do good for himself, he'd rather give up and play video games and have sex with either me or someone else (he cheated a lot). Now he has a baby girl with a 16 year old girl and he's 23.

Anywho! I know you love your bf and you have grown attached to him. PLease don't make my mistake. You can encourage him all you want. You can even fill out applications for him and do his homework. In the end, he is the only one who can suceed for himself. Everyone in the world can help him and give him advice, but if he does nothing for himself, then it will only keep him exactly where he is now: mooching off his gf. My ex never listened to me. I even got him a job where I was an assistant amanger. I gave him simple tasks and he'd never do them. He expected that just becuase I was his gf, that he didn't have to do anything.

I'm not saying your gf is like that, I don't know him or you personally, so I can;t say. But you really need to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. Get serious with him. Sit him down (just the two of you) and talk. Don;t yell or lecture him. Tell him how you feel about him not doing anything for himself. Tell him how you feel about him spending inappropriate time with his friends. He can still have his friends and spend time with them of course, but he still needs to keep him promises and take care of his personal responsibilities. NOT YOU!

It hurts a lot to do this and to even consider the possibility that you are better without him. I personally think that if he doesn;t straighten up for himself, then he won;t straighten up for you and will only drag you down. I know it hurts to also realize other's, especially your mom, are right. Please, think things through, talk to him, weigh your options.

[Kartos]

Dominic_Deegan:: thats a really sad story about you and your b/f but your right, I will weigh my options, I've tried talking to him but nagging just makes him want to rebel more.

[Dominic_Deegan]

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan:: thats a really sad story about you and your b/f but your right, I will weigh my options, I've tried talking to him but nagging just makes him want to rebel more.

*sighs* Yeah. We don't mean to nag, but they take it that way. Like I said, just put some serious thought into it for your own well being. it is hard to think of only yourself and your needs without thinking of your bf with feelings, but it does need to be done every now and then.

[Kartos]

Dominic_Deegan

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan:: thats a really sad story about you and your b/f but your right, I will weigh my options, I've tried talking to him but nagging just makes him want to rebel more.

*sighs* Yeah. We don't mean to nag, but they take it that way. Like I said, just put some serious thought into it for your own well being. it is hard to think of only yourself and your needs without thinking of your bf with feelings, but it does need to be done every now and then.

Yeah sweatdrop I've already got some ideas on how to get him to move his a**

[Dominic_Deegan]

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan:: thats a really sad story about you and your b/f but your right, I will weigh my options, I've tried talking to him but nagging just makes him want to rebel more.

*sighs* Yeah. We don't mean to nag, but they take it that way. Like I said, just put some serious thought into it for your own well being. it is hard to think of only yourself and your needs without thinking of your bf with feelings, but it does need to be done every now and then.

Yeah sweatdrop I've already got some ideas on how to get him to move his a**

lol, ok! Feel free to pm me if you want to about anything. Even if it is to b***h and rant on an issue.

[caladrius]

In most cases, i would say hi, but in this case, I think she is.


Your b/f needs to start beign more responsible. And no one can make him do it, it has to be somethign that he starts himself. I don't think he will learn to look after himself if he remains with you. He's leeching and he doesn't want that to change. Push him out until he DOES become more responsible, if he does. Otherwise he'll just be leaning on you for everything, and not doing what he needs to be doing. You have to take care of yourself first, not taking care of a baby your own age.

Make an ultimatium, say he must find a job and stay with it for say... 6 months at least. If he can't even do that, then he's out definately. And he must help out at home, and cook/take you all out for at least one meal a week or two weeks. If he starts to whine or make excuses, warn him that he's on his way out the door forever. You can't afford to get yourself weighed down by someone who doesn't respect y ou enough to do what he has to do to help provide for himself and for you.

[Kartos]

Dominic_Deegan

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan

Kartos

Dominic_Deegan:: thats a really sad story about you and your b/f but your right, I will weigh my options, I've tried talking to him but nagging just makes him want to rebel more.

*sighs* Yeah. We don't mean to nag, but they take it that way. Like I said, just put some serious thought into it for your own well being. it is hard to think of only yourself and your needs without thinking of your bf with feelings, but it does need to be done every now and then.

Yeah sweatdrop I've already got some ideas on how to get him to move his a**

lol, ok! Feel free to pm me if you want to about anything. Even if it is to b***h and rant on an issue.

Lol thankyou