Another boy talking about girl problems thread

[HiroShinMozas]

Alright. Short and sweet, here we go.

I've had one girl friend all of my life, one that was serious, committed, all that jazz. Late last year, lasted a month and a half, we broke up, that was that. It was mutual, sad, but we remained friends, which was important to me.

Ever since (and even a few times before then), every single girl I've met that I have discovered have endearing qualities that I find I could possibly see myself in a relationship, I do some very cautious and normal flirting (because honestly, as girls love to say, they dont like making the first move), and all seems to go well.

Here's the issue:

Every single time, and I wont even say ALMOST every single time, every single time, they either are taken and for SOME REASON wont let me know that when it's very obvious I am showing romantic interest, or they lead me on knowing full well they are taken just so they can use me to cheat. Yeah, it's happened before. Someone chose ME to cheat one someone with, without my knowledge. Its bad enough to know you've been used, but add in knowing you ruined a relationship, and it just gets worse. I tend to almost always blame myself, because something among the lines of not knowing a girl was taken affected me just today, and all I did was blow up on myself. I was mad, angered, sad, and disappointed and completely blamed myself for thinking a girl was perfect for me while not realizing that, ******** HEY, there are probably a handful of guys who have thought the same thing and probably done something about it long before I did.

Really, what I want to know is why I can attract the perfect friends, but not the perfect friends that I could possibly date.

I would like to quickly state these following facts before I open up this floor to discussion on my topic if those choose to answer:

I am fully aware there is someone out there for everyone.
I am fully aware that someday in the future I will more than likely have someone.
I am fully aware that a girl is not obligated at all to give out her relationship status just so I dont 'lust' over them, or 'hit' on them.
I am fully aware that things like this happen.
I am FULLY AWARE that being 18, I still have a whole life ahead of me.
I am fully aware that you don't need a relationship to live.

Lets see if we can help seek me out an answer, or calm me the hell down and make me comfortable with continuing to be open to possible relationships in the future...because hell knows these events occurring over and over are ruining it for me.

[DrNadi91]

Easy there buddy. It's easy enough to get that information about a girl from the first meet itself. You just simply ask ahead. It's a part of knowing the other person. Don't ask it too quickly early in the conversation and don't ask too late either. If she is taken, work your way to the end of the conversation and take leave with a polite note. Honestly, it's very hard to tell you exactly what to say, because it depends from person to person and from situation to situation.

Another thing is, never fall head over heels over any girl when you meet her.....don't go like 'she's perfect for me!' Keep ur expectations low at the start, at least until you both actually start dating.

Thirdly, ask the girl out if she's not taken. If she says no, oh well, she isn't in to you. Again, keep ur expectations low. Helps you handle the rejection better.

Hope this helps

[MagicSnap]

Cheater gonna cheat.


Go into every relation expecting to fail. Even if you never have seen them before. Eventually one not suck as bad and you just kinda stick with it.

Meh

[Atomic Bride]

DrNadi91

Another thing is, never fall head over heels over any girl when you meet her.....don't go like 'she's perfect for me!' Keep ur expectations low at the start, at least until you both actually start dating.

This is pretty true. If you're getting your hopes up when you first meet a girl, then of course you're going to be disappointed and upset when she turns out to have a boyfriend.

There's nothing wrong with asking a girl if she's single right off the bat. Girls can definitely intentionally and unintentionally flirt with guys when they're taken, so it's up to you to either a) not put so much thought into it, or b) see if they're taken right away. Maybe you should just start approaching girls with a different mind set. Don't go out hoping to find a single girl to start talking to, or else you are going to get let down when you don't find one. Be a little more laid back about the whole thing and you might learn to not care so much when a girl with good qualities if taken. If you meet a nice girl who ends up being taken, then oh well try next time, don't view it as something horrible and unfair. That way it doesn't become such a frustration for you and affecting your outlook on relationships in general.

[HiroShinMozas]

Atomic Bride

DrNadi91

Another thing is, never fall head over heels over any girl when you meet her.....don't go like 'she's perfect for me!' Keep ur expectations low at the start, at least until you both actually start dating.

This is pretty true. If you're getting your hopes up when you first meet a girl, then of course you're going to be disappointed and upset when she turns out to have a boyfriend.

There's nothing wrong with asking a girl if she's single right off the bat. Girls can definitely intentionally and unintentionally flirt with guys when they're taken, so it's up to you to either a) not put so much thought into it, or b) see if they're taken right away. Maybe you should just start approaching girls with a different mind set. Don't go out hoping to find a single girl to start talking to, or else you are going to get let down when you don't find one. Be a little more laid back about the whole thing and you might learn to not care so much when a girl with good qualities if taken. If you meet a nice girl who ends up being taken, then oh well try next time, don't view it as something horrible and unfair. That way it doesn't become such a frustration for you and affecting your outlook on relationships in general.

I've admitted to myself on multiple occasions now that everytime I meet a girl I think will be perfect, I need to stop saying that to myself. Because more often then not, a few others boys have probably thought the same thing and brought it to her first. I dont like talking like that because it makes girls sound like a prize to be obtained, but I dont know a better place to put it. I view it as upsetting, but it's mainly just me being upset with myself that I had to learn they were taken either the hard way, or without even giving it thought.

[Atomic Bride]

Cphiro

Atomic Bride

DrNadi91

Another thing is, never fall head over heels over any girl when you meet her.....don't go like 'she's perfect for me!' Keep ur expectations low at the start, at least until you both actually start dating.

This is pretty true. If you're getting your hopes up when you first meet a girl, then of course you're going to be disappointed and upset when she turns out to have a boyfriend.

There's nothing wrong with asking a girl if she's single right off the bat. Girls can definitely intentionally and unintentionally flirt with guys when they're taken, so it's up to you to either a) not put so much thought into it, or b) see if they're taken right away. Maybe you should just start approaching girls with a different mind set. Don't go out hoping to find a single girl to start talking to, or else you are going to get let down when you don't find one. Be a little more laid back about the whole thing and you might learn to not care so much when a girl with good qualities if taken. If you meet a nice girl who ends up being taken, then oh well try next time, don't view it as something horrible and unfair. That way it doesn't become such a frustration for you and affecting your outlook on relationships in general.

I've admitted to myself on multiple occasions now that everytime I meet a girl I think will be perfect, I need to stop saying that to myself. Because more often then not, a few others boys have probably thought the same thing and brought it to her first. I dont like talking like that because it makes girls sound like a prize to be obtained, but I dont know a better place to put it. I view it as upsetting, but it's mainly just me being upset with myself that I had to learn they were taken either the hard way, or without even giving it thought.

Getting turned down is definitely upsetting, but its up to you to not let it affect you so strongly. Don't beat yourself up so much over it. Try looking at each girl you approach as "practice". If she's taken, then you got some practice on talking to girls and know what to do better/watch out for next time. That way if she ends up not being perfect it's no big deal, just practice. Not to mention you'll be able to learn from each encounter and know what works and what doesn't work when talking to girls.

It also doesn't hurt to take into account how the taken girls act too. Do they approach you first? Do they start flirting first? If you start to notice some similarities in how the taken girls act, maybe you'll be able to tell if she's taken before things get too far. Maybe approaching things from a more logical step-by-step process might not get you so upset in the long run.

[the gothic beauty 2]

I know how you feel, well kind of. I have a similar issue with men. Though for me it seems the guys I attract are older then I am and they treat me as a child expecting me to fawn over them because they make more money then I do and everything.

But I have decided to give up on dating and I'm 25. The guys I've met while some are great, it ends up in heartbreak.

I hope that things go better for you then they have for me.

[originalarock]

Some people are just cheaters. It is not fun to be cheated on or the one cheated with without your knowledge. Maybe you are meeting these girls in the wrong places and that's why you are getting the same result? Or maybe you have a certain type and you need to expand your horizons?

[xChibi Cannibalx]

Some people just suck. My best friend is in her early/mid 20s and people do the exact same to her. More guys led her on their girls in her situation though

[The Luminosity]

Cphiro

Alright. Short and sweet, here we go.

I've had one girl friend all of my life, one that was serious, committed, all that jazz. Late last year, lasted a month and a half, we broke up, that was that. It was mutual, sad, but we remained friends, which was important to me.

Ever since (and even a few times before then), every single girl I've met that I have discovered have endearing qualities that I find I could possibly see myself in a relationship, I do some very cautious and normal flirting (because honestly, as girls love to say, they dont like making the first move), and all seems to go well.

Here's the issue:

Every single time, and I wont even say ALMOST every single time, every single time, they either are taken and for SOME REASON wont let me know that when it's very obvious I am showing romantic interest, or they lead me on knowing full well they are taken just so they can use me to cheat. Yeah, it's happened before. Someone chose ME to cheat one someone with, without my knowledge. Its bad enough to know you've been used, but add in knowing you ruined a relationship, and it just gets worse. I tend to almost always blame myself, because something among the lines of not knowing a girl was taken affected me just today, and all I did was blow up on myself. I was mad, angered, sad, and disappointed and completely blamed myself for thinking a girl was perfect for me while not realizing that, ******** HEY, there are probably a handful of guys who have thought the same thing and probably done something about it long before I did.

Really, what I want to know is why I can attract the perfect friends, but not the perfect friends that I could possibly date.

I would like to quickly state these following facts before I open up this floor to discussion on my topic if those choose to answer:

I am fully aware there is someone out there for everyone.
I am fully aware that someday in the future I will more than likely have someone.
I am fully aware that a girl is not obligated at all to give out her relationship status just so I dont 'lust' over them, or 'hit' on them.
I am fully aware that things like this happen.
I am FULLY AWARE that being 18, I still have a whole life ahead of me.
I am fully aware that you don't need a relationship to live.

Lets see if we can help seek me out an answer, or calm me the hell down and make me comfortable with continuing to be open to possible relationships in the future...because hell knows these events occurring over and over are ruining it for me.

Just be openly honest, and straight forward. The moment you find yourself having feelings for a girl, just tell her. No more romantic hinting, or chivalrous behavior to a woman whose feelings are unknown to you. If she isn't interested, or she gives you that, "I don't know...," then you find someone else to like (e.g. "Hey, I currently like you as more than a friend. I don't expect you to feel the same way, but I would like to know how you feel so I can either ask you out or move on and not let my feelings bother our friendship." < You know how amazing anyone would be if he/she could just say this, and actually mean it!! Even better if people can appreciate honesty like this.)

Next, don't put yourself in a position to be used. You can be yourself, just don't be gullible and timid. I know it's easy to get caught up in that infatuation phase where the intense feelings cloud your judgement, but try to stay alert.

Helpful Links:
Danger Signs in Women
Red Flags to watch out for

Lastly, don't blame yourself anymore. Even though you didn't say you thought this, I'm going to say it anyway; you're not defective, or unlovable. Just be wise about who you accept into your life, because not everyone is as nice as they appear to be.

[DrNadi91]

The Luminosity

Cphiro

Alright. Short and sweet, here we go.

I've had one girl friend all of my life, one that was serious, committed, all that jazz. Late last year, lasted a month and a half, we broke up, that was that. It was mutual, sad, but we remained friends, which was important to me.

Ever since (and even a few times before then), every single girl I've met that I have discovered have endearing qualities that I find I could possibly see myself in a relationship, I do some very cautious and normal flirting (because honestly, as girls love to say, they dont like making the first move), and all seems to go well.

Here's the issue:

Every single time, and I wont even say ALMOST every single time, every single time, they either are taken and for SOME REASON wont let me know that when it's very obvious I am showing romantic interest, or they lead me on knowing full well they are taken just so they can use me to cheat. Yeah, it's happened before. Someone chose ME to cheat one someone with, without my knowledge. Its bad enough to know you've been used, but add in knowing you ruined a relationship, and it just gets worse. I tend to almost always blame myself, because something among the lines of not knowing a girl was taken affected me just today, and all I did was blow up on myself. I was mad, angered, sad, and disappointed and completely blamed myself for thinking a girl was perfect for me while not realizing that, ******** HEY, there are probably a handful of guys who have thought the same thing and probably done something about it long before I did.

Really, what I want to know is why I can attract the perfect friends, but not the perfect friends that I could possibly date.

I would like to quickly state these following facts before I open up this floor to discussion on my topic if those choose to answer:

I am fully aware there is someone out there for everyone.
I am fully aware that someday in the future I will more than likely have someone.
I am fully aware that a girl is not obligated at all to give out her relationship status just so I dont 'lust' over them, or 'hit' on them.
I am fully aware that things like this happen.
I am FULLY AWARE that being 18, I still have a whole life ahead of me.
I am fully aware that you don't need a relationship to live.

Lets see if we can help seek me out an answer, or calm me the hell down and make me comfortable with continuing to be open to possible relationships in the future...because hell knows these events occurring over and over are ruining it for me.

Just be openly honest, and straight forward. The moment you find yourself having feelings for a girl, just tell her. No more romantic hinting, or chivalrous behavior to a woman whose feelings are unknown to you. If she isn't interested, or she gives you that, "I don't know...," then you find someone else to like (e.g. "Hey, I currently like you as more than a friend. I don't expect you to feel the same way, but I would like to know how you feel so I can either ask you out or move on and not let my feelings bother our friendship." < You know how amazing anyone would be if he/she could just say this, and actually mean it!! Even better if people can appreciate honesty like this.)

Next, don't put yourself in a position to be used. You can be yourself, just don't be gullible and timid. I know it's easy to get caught up in that infatuation phase where the intense feelings cloud your judgement, but try to stay alert.

Helpful Links:
Danger Signs in Women
Red Flags to watch out for

Lastly, don't blame yourself anymore. Even though you didn't say you thought this, I'm going to say it anyway; you're not defective, or unlovable. Just be wise about who you accept into your life, because not everyone is as nice as they appear to be.

That's an interesting point there, especially when you let a girl know that you like her and all and tell her that you just want to put the fact out there and not make any confusing signals. Just watch the magic take over as she starts thinking about you as more than just someone. Inception at its finest! biggrin ....Doesn't always work but it's golden when it does wink ....but again you still gotta know if she's taken or not.

[Lord of the Vine]

Cphiro

Alright. Short and sweet, here we go.

Hey buuuuuuuuddy.

Quote:

I've had one girl friend all of my life, one that was serious, committed, all that jazz. Late last year, lasted a month and a half, we broke up, that was that. It was mutual, sad, but we remained friends, which was important to me.

Ever since (and even a few times before then), every single girl I've met that I have discovered have endearing qualities that I find I could possibly see myself in a relationship, I do some very cautious and normal flirting (because honestly, as girls love to say, they dont like making the first move), and all seems to go well.

Here's the issue:

Every single time, and I wont even say ALMOST every single time, every single time, they either are taken and for SOME REASON wont let me know that when it's very obvious I am showing romantic interest, or they lead me on knowing full well they are taken just so they can use me to cheat. Yeah, it's happened before. Someone chose ME to cheat one someone with, without my knowledge. Its bad enough to know you've been used, but add in knowing you ruined a relationship, and it just gets worse. I tend to almost always blame myself, because something among the lines of not knowing a girl was taken affected me just today, and all I did was blow up on myself. I was mad, angered, sad, and disappointed and completely blamed myself for thinking a girl was perfect for me while not realizing that, ******** HEY, there are probably a handful of guys who have thought the same thing and probably done something about it long before I did.

Really, what I want to know is why I can attract the perfect friends, but not the perfect friends that I could possibly date.

Well with friends, you can keep as much attachment as you'd like. When it comes to relationships, given what I've read (and also given that I know you), you tend to go all-in right away. Dating is like poker; you don't give away your hand right away, you keep your eye on how other players react to moves you make, and when you see an opportunity, you go for it. Now obviously, I'm not implying that dating is a game; however, it does require additional thought to plan out how you want to proceed with a man/woman (since it applies to both sides).

[The Luminosity]

DrNadi91

That's an interesting point there, especially when you let a girl know that you like her and all and tell her that you just want to put the fact out there and not make any confusing signals. Just watch the magic take over as she starts thinking about you as more than just someone. Inception at its finest! biggrin ....Doesn't always work but it's golden when it does wink ....but again you still gotta know if she's taken or not.

Hopefully, whatever girl he tells his feelings to is honest about her relationship status.
------------------
What I'm about to say has nothing to do with Cphiro (the original poster), this is just my little rant. There were so many men and women who would approach me like I was cellphone looking for a signal. Instead of asking me if I'm interested, they would transform into detectives trying to figure out my feelings and preferences, or become magicians to play mind games, and bankers who just invest items, money, or time into me, all in hopes to get what they want. Never have I met anyone who would just tell me their feelings openly, then ask me how I felt out of courtesy, without expecting me to date them. I was so sick of the nonsense, that I promised myself that when I find a guy I develop feelings for, I would tell him directly, and respectfully how I felt without pressuring/expecting him to date me in return

... and one day I did. emotion_bigheart

[Adversative]

You're 18. These girls are probably in their late teens too, right?

Which means that you all suck at communicating -- both directly "hey, we're kinda flirty, are you interested in me?" and the more subtle casually-referencing-her-boyfriend in conversation type stuff that would let you know early on that that was a thing.

And there's probably a high percentage who just plain suck at relationships -- evidenced by all the girls who are trying to use you to cheat on their boyfriends. They don't know what they want or how to ask for what they want, so they make crappy choices.

The good news is that things get better and people do a lot less of this as you get older and start dating older people.

If you don't feel comfortable asking a girl directly what her relationship status is / whether she's interested in you, I'd tell one of those "I met this girl I really liked and then found out she was planning to cheat on her boyfriend with me, isn't that horrifying" stories as a little subtle litmus test/warning. If she's taken, she may back off on the flirty behavior after hearing about that.

[Jojotherealiest]

That sucks .. honestly.. neutral