An Adult Acting Like a Child

[Eisefin]

Leytacle

Eisefin

Anyway, back on topic, you don't seem to understand anything I am saying or what the OP is saying. You don't seem to grasp that the father is loose with money, our government won't give away free money so he can make this decision, and continue to think that he should be blindly praised and obeyed. I don't know about your country, but here we don't blindly abide by what the father/husband/man figure says. If it seems wrong, feels wrong, and could lead you to trouble then you try to reason any other way. You work with the family to make a conscious and sound decision.

What you don't seem to understand is that all that has been given in this thread is opinions and guesses, not facts.

The OP has not listed numbers. She has not given us a list of money that would be coming in, and a list of money that would be going out. She has not given us details of how much home care, or a care home would cost.

She thinks there won't be enough money. However, she does not know exactly how much the household bills are, or how much the groceries etc cost. She says the father has taken out loans and played with the savings, yet I doubt that even she knows how much the father would actually be getting in his pension, or how much he actually has in savings. For all I know, the loans he took out could have already been paid back.

She says the father is useless with money. She says he has paranoia. How do I (or you) know that she doesn't just hate the father and is stating biased, emotional judgements. For all I know, maybe the father is actually completely loopy insane and so paranoid that he thinks aliens will steal his money if he puts it in a bank, so he must get rid of it all the time and never save it. Or maybe he had a paranoid episode after trying weed 20 years ago, took medication to help him recover, hasn't touched weed since, and therefore is sane and doesn't need medication anymore. Maybe he's paranoid about carers because his son was raped by one when he was a kid, and he has kept that information private from the OP. Maybe when he was being treated for paranoia, the father went into a care facility where he was mistreated, and therefore never wants his son to go through the same thing. I don't know, you don't know, and possibly even the OP doesn't know what the true facts are.

From my point of view, what the OP has written is full of inconsistencies, and what looks to me, to be full blown manipulative lies in places. Although OP, if you are reading this, and I have just completely misjudged you, then I apologise. I don't know you, and just have words to go on.

Without hard facts, no-one, not you, not me, not the OP and not the father, can make a proper informed judgement about whether he could survive or not on his early retirement idea. I don't know, you don't know, and the OP may not know if the father has already looked at the actual facts and figures, and made an informed decision based on them.

You've made assumptions, and come to a conclusion based on those assumptions. You're now policing this thread like you know all the facts, when you don't. You tell me it's impossible to survive on welfare, but how do I know whether you just think that because you're used to living a rich life, or smoke 100 cigarettes and drink alcohol everyday, and therefore think eating basic, cheap brand foods or surviving without treats etc. = negligence or lack of survival, and you can't understand how welfare can cover cigarette and booze costs.

I have an opinion, based on personal experience, that the early retirement plan might be possible. If the OP or the father were to give me actual facts and figures to prove that it isn't possible, then I would change my mind. You, with your assumptions and opinions, is not going to change my mind. Your assumptions and opinions really aren't any better or worse than mine, since they're both just assumptions and opinions. Neither of them are facts or based on facts.

Please just stop posting. Now you are being ridiculous and an extremest in your own farfetched examples. You have no idea how America works, our systems (welfare can't buy cigarettes and alcohol), how middle class can survive fine, or anything.

You were asked by the OP to quit posting as well, so just please stop. Nothing you have said has been helpful.

[Ilithia]

Bonjour Belle

My father is impervious to logic.

Bonjour Belle

I don't know all the expenses.

You mean like the logic of claiming your father can't afford the choices he is making without knowing any of the specifics? If your father is less logical than you, maybe you should ship him off to a care home too. 3nodding

Bonjour Belle

My dad is a single parent and only makes about 50k a year

Your dad has only been earning four times the poverty line? Oh woe! Sarcasm aside, there's currently 50 million people living of 1/4 of what your dad is currently earning. You're talking crap.

Bonjour Belle

We also have many other expenses, such as loan payments, regular bills, and the day-to-day expenses.

Bonjour Belle

The money I make doesn't go towards any bills, but it does go towards anything I may need at school: groceries, supplies, going out, etc. I may not be helping with bills

We? You shouldn't be contributing anything towards expenses unless you are paying rent for when you live in the house. You've made the choice to sponge off of your father in 5 month stints to make your education easier. Your brother shouldn't have to goto a home, because of your sponging.

And seriously? You need to go out? But when you live with your dad you don't need electricity? Running water? food? A roof over your head? I can totally see how "going out" trumps all of that.

Bonjour Belle

I tried explaining to my dad that retiring so soon is in the worst interest of the family

By "The Family", it's obvious that you mean "me!"

Bonjour Belle

My dad also suffers from paranoia and hasn't taken medication for it in over twenty years.

Yes, your dad is so hindered by his paranoia, that he's managed to work his entire life up until retirement.

Bonjour Belle

will soon be able to overpower my father

Bonjour Belle

"He's my son, he would never do that."

Bonjour Belle

My dad lives in his own fantasy land and really should be on medication.

So, from your own comments it's clear that you're brother has never attacked your father before. Yet he's definately 100% going to attack your father? Your father is crazy for basing his beliefs on past experiences. And you're not delusional for basing your belief off of nothing? Plus, I'm sure your 21 year old brother has lots of growing left to do! Your father should be scared.

Bonjour Belle

Of course I have looked into other alternatives, like caretakers, as I've mentioned

You could try paying your dad, 5 months worth of utility bills and 5 months worth of food. Oh! But that might interfere with your education?!? And you might have to work at a fast food restaurant during the summer, how embarassing! You're not going to school for that? Right?

Bonjour Belle

but how are you say I not know everything about my family and my brother?

You're either incredibly naive or incredibly idiotic if you think you know everything about your family members.

And the bit where you jumbled up your word order? And skipped the contraction? Those are "textbook" signs that you're being dishonest. Next time you decide to lie, or feign anger, you should at least attempt to make it less obvious you're doing so.

Bonjour Belle

We are a small family of three who suffered a huge loss when my mother died, we are very close (minus this situation) and I have been taking care of my brother since I could talk

I suppose your "closeness" explains that glee in your writing when talking about you putting your brother into care against your dads wishes, and also why you want your dad sedated to the level that he'll no longer care about or enjoy life anymore?

Bonjour Belle

And to say that I manipulate and lie? What gain would I get out of this?

It's obvious from your comments that you hate your brother, you have a low opinion of your father and you're greedy. I imagine you'd get some sort of sick pleasure out of getting your dad to put your brother into care. Revenge for all those years of attention your brother soaked up, attention that should have been aimed at you! But what's this? Oh, that's morally wrong isn't it? But if a bunch of random people on the internet, agree with it, it's okay isn't it?

Bonjour Belle

Please, get off my thread. Do no respond to this. Simply get off my thread. Please.

When you make multiple sickening posts, based off zero facts, against people who can't defend themselves, you deserve people pointing it out. If you can't deal with that, then you should stop posting...

[Ilithia]

Eisefin

Now you are being ridiculous and an extremest in your own farfetched examples.

Are you blind or stupid? The idea they're conveying to you, is that you don't know what's going on and the original poster doesn't either by her own admission!. Sure, ignore what they're saying and pull apart the semantics of their post. But everytime you ignore what they actually say you're the one who isn't helping.

Eisefin

You have no idea how America works, our systems (welfare can't buy cigarettes and alcohol), how middle class can survive fine, or anything.

If you think a family that's been earning 4 times more than the poverty line doesn't have enough money to support two people, then you clearly have no idea how america works either.

Eisefin

Nothing you have said has been helpful.

Parroting what the original poster thinks, ignoring all the glaring inconsistencies in her posts, ignoring the hateful undertones of her posts isn't helping either.

[Blue Hex]

Ilithia

You mean like the logic of claiming your father can't afford the choices he is making without knowing any of the specifics? If your father is less logical than you, maybe you should ship him off to a care home too. 3nodding

Not knowing all the crunch numbers does not mean that she has no logic. One can roughly know how much is spent in a month, and not know exactly where it goes to, or understand that the family struggles with finances and how having no money come in automatically makes it to where specifics really won't matter.

Quote:

Your dad has only been earning four times the poverty line? Oh woe! Sarcasm aside, there's currently 50 million people living of 1/4 of what your dad is currently earning. You're talking crap

.

No offense meant here, but that's rather rude. Yes only 50k. The poverty line is rather foolish to base the idea of wealth on unfortunately, especially when the cost of living varies from state to state. What someone might be able to get by on that easily in one place, another would struggle with else where. For example, 50k in the state that I live would leave even a couple with no children, let alone one with a mental disability struggling. For god's sake, a gallon of milk costs $5. I can drive two states up and get it for $3. The average one bed room apartment here goes for nearly $800 a month without expenses and utilities. I lived in a one bedroom apartment that was like a shoebox, with only the bare basic utilities and that cost $1000 a month, and it was normal. Given where the OP said she is from, its the same there. Things are stupid expensive and what someone in say...North Carolina can't get by on easily, someone more north bound cannot. The poverty line is nationwide, so it doesn't effect all states in the way.

Quote:

We? You shouldn't be contributing anything towards expenses unless you are paying rent for when you live in the house. You've made the choice to sponge off of your father in 5 month stints to make your education easier. Your brother shouldn't have to goto a home, because of your sponging.

I'm sorry but are you serious here? She said she has jobs while going to college so that he doesn't have to pay for her and so that doesn't sponge off of him. I'm sorry, but no child should be responsible for paying their parents bills. It's not sponging, its a parent's responsibility. When two people decide to have kids, they need to face this fact. Financial responsibility is part of being a parent.

Quote:

And seriously? You need to go out? But when you live with your dad you don't need electricity? Running water? food? A roof over your head? I can totally see how "going out" trumps all of that.

Again, it is not the child's responbility to pay for their parent's bills. If the man can't pay for his bills now, he certainly won't be able to when he stops working. She should not have to forgo a normal life because her father refuses to accept what he needs to do to carry his own responibilty.

Quote:

By "The Family", it's obvious that you mean "me!"

No, she means her brother who is likely going to be the one to suffer in this case. He needs constant medical care, and apparently the best way to see to that, in her father's eyes, is to quit working, stop bringing in the paycheck and try to depend on the meager funding of the government. Not going to work out...

Quote:

Yes, your dad is so hindered by his paranoia, that he's managed to work his entire life up until retirement.

Just because he had worked doesn't mean that it isn't hindering things. It is. It is keeping him from allowing his son to actually get the full care that he needs.

Quote:

So, from your own comments it's clear that you're brother has never attacked your father before. Yet he's definately 100% going to attack your father? Your father is crazy for basing his beliefs on past experiences. And you're not delusional for basing your belief off of nothing? Plus, I'm sure your 21 year old brother has lots of growing left to do! Your father should be scared.

You need to understand the disorder that her brother has. With Autism it doesn't matter about past experiences and no one should ever think that "because it hasn't happened yet, it won't!". People with Autism need special care for a reason. My father's ex girlfriend had a son that had a bad case of Autism and much like the OP's father, she didn't believe that he would hurt her cause he hadn't and she didn't feel the need to seek the state offered care. She lived in that delusion for years until he got older, got stronger. When he was 22 he had a fit and attacked her, started beating on her and ending up forcing her backwards until she fell out the second story window and broke 3 vertebra. The son was pulled from the home and made a ward of the state and put into a home. She's lucky to be able to walk now, but you know...past experiences said that it could never happen right?

The OP is not basing her belief off of nothing. She is basing it off the facts of the illness. It happens, a LOT with people that have Autism and isn't not like its a thing that runs like clockwork. They can go for years and years without incident and then one day, bad happens. She is right to be concerned for her father's safety in this case.

Quote:

You could try paying your dad, 5 months worth of utility bills and 5 months worth of food. Oh! But that might interfere with your education?!? And you might have to work at a fast food restaurant during the summer, how embarassing! You're not going to school for that? Right?

Do you hear yourself? When did she ever say anything of the sort? Why should she give up her education so that her father can quit working and have other people pay his bills? She is not responsible for his bills. In fact, she's doing more then most college students do by getting/having a job to pay for her own expenses. Honestly, what would happen if she took all the money she made and rather then spending it in on her own expenses, like food and such, spent it to pay his bills instead? He'd end up paying for her expenses and then you'd be sitting her yelling at her for making him pay for that!

Quote:

You're either incredibly naive or incredibly idiotic if you think you know everything about your family members.

And you're being incredibly offensive for someone who's thought pattern in this is not simply on herself, but on the well being and care of her Autistic brother and the help and such that he needs to live. Hell, at least someone in her family is thinking about next week rather then right now.

Quote:

And the bit where you jumbled up your word order? And skipped the contraction? Those are "textbook" signs that you're being dishonest. Next time you decide to lie, or feign anger, you should at least attempt to make it less obvious you're doing so.

Uh no..."textbooks" signs of dishonesty are constant changes in stories, gross embellishments, having too many perfect details to the point it sounds like a script. Jumbled words and skipped contractions are signs of someone that's typing to fast, tired, or frustrated with ignorance and rudeness.

Quote:

I suppose your "closeness" explains that glee in your writing when talking about you putting your brother into care against your dads wishes, and also why you want your dad sedated to the level that he'll no longer care about or enjoy life anymore?

You should be ashamed that you even wrote this. Sometimes despite our wishes, its not what is best in a situation. Believe it or not, putting someone that needs all day care and watching into a home is actually a very good option for them. Its not like putting a dog in a pound and hoping it catches a good string of luck. Many homes are very, very nice and set up to deal with what the person needs in good times and bad. The family is always welcomed there and the person in need of care gets it to the best degrees.

Quote:

It's obvious from your comments that you hate your brother, you have a low opinion of your father and you're greedy. I imagine you'd get some sort of sick pleasure out of getting your dad to put your brother into care. Revenge for all those years of attention your brother soaked up, attention that should have been aimed at you! But what's this? Oh, that's morally wrong isn't it? But if a bunch of random people on the internet, agree with it, it's okay isn't it?

Again...refer to above about the whole shame thing. It seems that she is the only one that is actually looking out for her brother. Honestly, what is making people think that a server case of Autism is like anxiety or some other controllable illness. It is not. You really need to research cases of sever Autism before you start hurling narrow minded, unsighted accusations around and understand what you are talking about. Understand that a home for this sort of thing is NOT an evil thing. When my father's ex's son got put into the home by the state, you know what happen, it got better. He was able to be on the right medication, have full attention at all times, be cared for properly without fear of funding or anything of the sort. Those care homes don't exist for people to dump children off in them and vanish. In fact, its the opposite. Most of the homes do not allow people to simply drop off a child and vanish. The family must keep contact, must check in, must stop by to go over care charts in and such. And in some cases, if the illness isn't too bad, the parents work with the family to find a medication and life style routine that keeps the child in check, cared for, and not a danger to himself or others, and if that is achieved and the family can financially continue the care and medication, they are sent home and assigned a full time care nurse. Honestly, the only one here seeming to get any sick pleasure out of anything is you insulting a sister worried about her brother and her father.

Quote:

When you make multiple sickening posts, based off zero facts, against people who can't defend themselves, you deserve people pointing it out. If you can't deal with that, then you should stop posting...

You need to inform yourself on the disorder before you start making accusations. By everything you've said here it is painfully obvious that you haven't the slightest clue on the actual depth of sever cases of Autism. Its not like having a puppy that's hard to house break. Its another thing entirely. The only sickening thing that I have seen on this thread so far is your rudeness and wild accusations based off your own ignorance of the situation and the truths behind the disease.

~ In nomine Patris, Et Filii, Et Spiritus Sancti ~

[Eisefin]

Ilithia

Eisefin

Now you are being ridiculous and an extremest in your own farfetched examples.

Are you blind or stupid? The idea they're conveying to you, is that you don't know what's going on and the original poster doesn't either by her own admission!. Sure, ignore what they're saying and pull apart the semantics of their post. But everytime you ignore what they actually say you're the one who isn't helping.

Eisefin

You have no idea how America works, our systems (welfare can't buy cigarettes and alcohol), how middle class can survive fine, or anything.

If you think a family that's been earning 4 times more than the poverty line doesn't have enough money to support two people, then you clearly have no idea how america works either.

Eisefin

Nothing you have said has been helpful.

Parroting what the original poster thinks, ignoring all the glaring inconsistencies in her posts, ignoring the hateful undertones of her posts isn't helping either.

Someone else already pointed out your own stupidity in arguing both the OP and myself. And since I don't feel like typing out paragraphs on my phone, I'll just bid you adieu.

[Muleo is Romeo]

Jesus ******** christ!

All I see are posts with a bunch ******** bickering and supposedly knowing about the OP's life.

I sincerely do apologize that you have to go through this. I too have an autistic brother and it's hard to watch him 24/7 at times.

But I really don't agree either with your father's unrealistic goals.I really agree with somebody's post to crunch the numbers down and show him that keeping his job will instead help the family?

I'm curious, is your father also on any social security benefits or so? Because every little bit of money helps. My brother has the opportunity to get SSI but he refuses because he doesn't find anything "wrong" with himself.

I heard you got a job and go to school, is there a possibility that they may be of assistance? Explain your situation or so?

I know some people in the financial aid office can b assholes, but a friend of mine explained her situation (i's different) but they were able to help her out.

[Bonjour Belle]

Muleo is Romeo

Jesus ******** christ!

All I see are posts with a bunch ******** bickering and supposedly knowing about the OP's life.

I sincerely do apologize that you have to go through this. I too have an autistic brother and it's hard to watch him 24/7 at times.

But I really don't agree either with your father's unrealistic goals.I really agree with somebody's post to crunch the numbers down and show him that keeping his job will instead help the family?

I'm curious, is your father also on any social security benefits or so? Because every little bit of money helps. My brother has the opportunity to get SSI but he refuses because he doesn't find anything "wrong" with himself.

I heard you got a job and go to school, is there a possibility that they may be of assistance? Explain your situation or so?

I know some people in the financial aid office can b assholes, but a friend of mine explained her situation (i's different) but they were able to help her out.

I'm ignoring any and all posts that are unhelpful, patronizing, or just plain rude.

First of all, thank you.

I'm definitely planning on trying to get some concrete numbers (or good estimates, at least) to break down with him. My aunt, who agrees with me, has been trying to speak to my dad since he brought up the retirement thing about a year and a half ago. She works for the city and might be able to even get some financial experts to speak to him.

As for school, I'm actually appealing for more financial aid either next Fall, or next Spring, depending on how much FAFSA decides to give us this school year. Up until this point, I haven't mentioned my brother to my school, as I've been taking out the loans myself and making the interest payments relatively easily. But it's getting harder, and tuition is going up, so we'll see what happens.

Again, I just want to thank you for your actual help and advice.

[Bonjour Belle]

Ilithia

Bonjour Belle

My father is impervious to logic.

Bonjour Belle

I don't know all the expenses.

You mean like the logic of claiming your father can't afford the choices he is making without knowing any of the specifics? If your father is less logical than you, maybe you should ship him off to a care home too. 3nodding

Bonjour Belle

My dad is a single parent and only makes about 50k a year

Your dad has only been earning four times the poverty line? Oh woe! Sarcasm aside, there's currently 50 million people living of 1/4 of what your dad is currently earning. You're talking crap.

Bonjour Belle

We also have many other expenses, such as loan payments, regular bills, and the day-to-day expenses.

Bonjour Belle

The money I make doesn't go towards any bills, but it does go towards anything I may need at school: groceries, supplies, going out, etc. I may not be helping with bills

We? You shouldn't be contributing anything towards expenses unless you are paying rent for when you live in the house. You've made the choice to sponge off of your father in 5 month stints to make your education easier. Your brother shouldn't have to goto a home, because of your sponging.

And seriously? You need to go out? But when you live with your dad you don't need electricity? Running water? food? A roof over your head? I can totally see how "going out" trumps all of that.

Bonjour Belle

I tried explaining to my dad that retiring so soon is in the worst interest of the family

By "The Family", it's obvious that you mean "me!"

Bonjour Belle

My dad also suffers from paranoia and hasn't taken medication for it in over twenty years.

Yes, your dad is so hindered by his paranoia, that he's managed to work his entire life up until retirement.

Bonjour Belle

will soon be able to overpower my father

Bonjour Belle

"He's my son, he would never do that."

Bonjour Belle

My dad lives in his own fantasy land and really should be on medication.

So, from your own comments it's clear that you're brother has never attacked your father before. Yet he's definately 100% going to attack your father? Your father is crazy for basing his beliefs on past experiences. And you're not delusional for basing your belief off of nothing? Plus, I'm sure your 21 year old brother has lots of growing left to do! Your father should be scared.

Bonjour Belle

Of course I have looked into other alternatives, like caretakers, as I've mentioned

You could try paying your dad, 5 months worth of utility bills and 5 months worth of food. Oh! But that might interfere with your education?!? And you might have to work at a fast food restaurant during the summer, how embarassing! You're not going to school for that? Right?

Bonjour Belle

but how are you say I not know everything about my family and my brother?

You're either incredibly naive or incredibly idiotic if you think you know everything about your family members.

And the bit where you jumbled up your word order? And skipped the contraction? Those are "textbook" signs that you're being dishonest. Next time you decide to lie, or feign anger, you should at least attempt to make it less obvious you're doing so.

Bonjour Belle

We are a small family of three who suffered a huge loss when my mother died, we are very close (minus this situation) and I have been taking care of my brother since I could talk

I suppose your "closeness" explains that glee in your writing when talking about you putting your brother into care against your dads wishes, and also why you want your dad sedated to the level that he'll no longer care about or enjoy life anymore?

Bonjour Belle

And to say that I manipulate and lie? What gain would I get out of this?

It's obvious from your comments that you hate your brother, you have a low opinion of your father and you're greedy. I imagine you'd get some sort of sick pleasure out of getting your dad to put your brother into care. Revenge for all those years of attention your brother soaked up, attention that should have been aimed at you! But what's this? Oh, that's morally wrong isn't it? But if a bunch of random people on the internet, agree with it, it's okay isn't it?

Bonjour Belle

Please, get off my thread. Do no respond to this. Simply get off my thread. Please.

When you make multiple sickening posts, based off zero facts, against people who can't defend themselves, you deserve people pointing it out. If you can't deal with that, then you should stop posting...

I'm going to only reply to two very specific things here.

1. My brother attacked his teacher two months ago because she took him off of the class computer. He had to be written up, and the teacher, although faced with these challenges every day, could have pressed charges. Needless to say, she didn't, but my brother has become violent, and he may or may not continue to. We don't know, but I didn't think taking the risk was the best idea.

2. It shows how closely you read, as I said my brother is not yet twenty one. You've missed this huge detail, and yet you can correct me on my grammar. Interesting.

[Bonjour Belle]

Oh, also, I'm not sure if my dad gets SSI benefits yet. I'll let you know when I find out.

We were getting monthly checks for my brother and I because of my mom, but now that we're both legal adults, we don't get them anymore.

[Muleo is Romeo]

Bonjour Belle

Muleo is Romeo

Jesus ******** christ!

All I see are posts with a bunch ******** bickering and supposedly knowing about the OP's life.

I sincerely do apologize that you have to go through this. I too have an autistic brother and it's hard to watch him 24/7 at times.

But I really don't agree either with your father's unrealistic goals.I really agree with somebody's post to crunch the numbers down and show him that keeping his job will instead help the family?

I'm curious, is your father also on any social security benefits or so? Because every little bit of money helps. My brother has the opportunity to get SSI but he refuses because he doesn't find anything "wrong" with himself.

I heard you got a job and go to school, is there a possibility that they may be of assistance? Explain your situation or so?

I know some people in the financial aid office can b assholes, but a friend of mine explained her situation (i's different) but they were able to help her out.

I'm ignoring any and all posts that are unhelpful, patronizing, or just plain rude.

First of all, thank you.

I'm definitely planning on trying to get some concrete numbers (or good estimates, at least) to break down with him. My aunt, who agrees with me, has been trying to speak to my dad since he brought up the retirement thing about a year and a half ago. She works for the city and might be able to even get some financial experts to speak to him.

As for school, I'm actually appealing for more financial aid either next Fall, or next Spring, depending on how much FAFSA decides to give us this school year. Up until this point, I haven't mentioned my brother to my school, as I've been taking out the loans myself and making the interest payments relatively easily. But it's getting harder, and tuition is going up, so we'll see what happens.

Again, I just want to thank you for your actual help and advice.

That's a perfect idea for your aunt to talk some financial professionals.

I had to go through the same thing. Have you tried perhaps like state grants? Because I live in california and I get this cal-grant thing. It's separate from financial aid because the state gives you money. Perhaps that could be of some help?

[Bonjour Belle]

Muleo is Romeo

Bonjour Belle

Muleo is Romeo

Jesus ******** christ!

All I see are posts with a bunch ******** bickering and supposedly knowing about the OP's life.

I sincerely do apologize that you have to go through this. I too have an autistic brother and it's hard to watch him 24/7 at times.

But I really don't agree either with your father's unrealistic goals.I really agree with somebody's post to crunch the numbers down and show him that keeping his job will instead help the family?

I'm curious, is your father also on any social security benefits or so? Because every little bit of money helps. My brother has the opportunity to get SSI but he refuses because he doesn't find anything "wrong" with himself.

I heard you got a job and go to school, is there a possibility that they may be of assistance? Explain your situation or so?

I know some people in the financial aid office can b assholes, but a friend of mine explained her situation (i's different) but they were able to help her out.

I'm ignoring any and all posts that are unhelpful, patronizing, or just plain rude.

First of all, thank you.

I'm definitely planning on trying to get some concrete numbers (or good estimates, at least) to break down with him. My aunt, who agrees with me, has been trying to speak to my dad since he brought up the retirement thing about a year and a half ago. She works for the city and might be able to even get some financial experts to speak to him.

As for school, I'm actually appealing for more financial aid either next Fall, or next Spring, depending on how much FAFSA decides to give us this school year. Up until this point, I haven't mentioned my brother to my school, as I've been taking out the loans myself and making the interest payments relatively easily. But it's getting harder, and tuition is going up, so we'll see what happens.

Again, I just want to thank you for your actual help and advice.

That's a perfect idea for your aunt to talk some financial professionals.

I had to go through the same thing. Have you tried perhaps like state grants? Because I live in california and I get this cal-grant thing. It's separate from financial aid because the state gives you money. Perhaps that could be of some help?

I do get state grants for school, but as I said, the new governor is cutting basically any program that helps lower/middle class families. /: I mean, of course it still helps, but the cuts definitely knocked me on my a** a little. My friend suggested that I tell them that I'm transferring, because my school gives up to 5k if you say you're transferring and you're a good student. I have a 3.8 GPA, so I'm assuming they'd want to keep me, but I mean. I'm not transferring. Lol So I'd feel dishonest about getting money that way.

[Ilithia]

Chikara_Kai

Not knowing all the crunch numbers does not mean that she has no logic.

Of course it has no logic. She's claiming her father can't make the numbers work, while he's claiming he can. One of them has the numbers, one of them doesn't.

Chikara_Kai

No offense meant here, but that's rather rude. Yes only 50k.

It's funny that you've quoted the singular non-rude statement in my post and highlighted it as being rude! You must be really desperate to point out flaws in my post. In New Jersey, a living wage for the family being talked about would work out at around 34k a year, so I stand by my original comment. See how I'm talking numbers here?

Chikara_Kai

For god's sake, a gallon of milk costs $5.

If you honestly think a budgeting family needs to buy milk, then I don't think you truly appreciate what "budgeting" is.

Chikara_Kai

She said she has jobs while going to college so that he doesn't have to pay for her and so that doesn't sponge off of him.

Nice misdirection there! How about you try replying to what I've actually said? She's an adult, so she should pay rent when she lives at home in non-term time. If she were a single parent living at home with dad, she'd more than likely be barraged by insults for her "sponging"... But hey? When you're getting an education it's okay to take advantage of your parents, because single parents are morally evil, and smart people are awesome!

Chikara_Kai

It's not sponging, its a parent's responsibility. When two people decide to have kids, they need to face this fact. Financial responsibility is part of being a parent.

A parent's responsibility involves seeing their children to adulthood. She is already an adult undergoing education. Everytime she goes back to the family home and fails to pay her way she is sponging off of him. The irony here is that, her brother doesn't have the choice to grow up. She does, and she's refusing to.

Chikara_Kai

Again, it is not the child's responbility to pay for their parent's bills. If the man can't pay for his bills now, he certainly won't be able to when he stops working. She should not have to forgo a normal life because her father refuses to accept what he needs to do to carry his own responibilty.

I get the intention you deliberately misinterpreting what I said? You may as well just resort to insults, if you're going to feign ignorance. My point is, she should pay for her bills, she's an adult. Not only that, but her brother shouldn't have his quality of life reduced because she can't be bothered to pay her way.

Chikara_Kai

No, she means her brother who is likely going to be the one to suffer in this case. He needs constant medical care, and apparently the best way to see to that, in her father's eyes, is to quit working, stop bringing in the paycheck and try to depend on the meager funding of the government. Not going to work out...

And how do you know this? You've already made incorrect statements about and proven you know little about how much money someone needs to get by. She doesn't have any figures either! Her dad has the figures and he thinks he can cope. Not only that, but the information she's given actually suggests that her dad may have enough money to do just that.

Chikara_Kai

Just because he had worked doesn't mean that it isn't hindering things. It is. It is keeping him from allowing his son to actually get the full care that he needs.

You're not responding to what I've wrote... My original statement is attesting to the fact that her father is sound of mind. Nothing she has wrote has suggested her father isn't functioning. He's clearly functioning well enough, without the pathetic and exaggerated labels suggesting he can't take care of himself.

Chikara_Kai

You need to understand the disorder that her brother has. With Autism it doesn't matter about past experiences and no one should ever think that "because it hasn't happened yet, it won't!". People with Autism need special care for a reason.

What makes you more qualified to talk about Autism than me? Your anecdotal stories about some long-lost distant relative that you've met in passing once? Compared to me? Someone who is actually Autistic? I bow down before you, and your glorious omnipotence. Actually, to be blunt with you, what you've just wrote is disgusting and discriminatory. Because someone has Autism, they're liable to physically assault people? What disgusting cess-pool of a right-wing state did you crawl out from? Statistics show that Autistic individuals are less likely to attack people than non-autistics. You might attack someone someday, how about I put you in a home?

Chikara_Kai

Do you hear yourself? When did she ever say anything of the sort? Why should she give up her education so that her father can quit working and have other people pay his bills? She is not responsible for his bills. In fact, she's doing more then most college students do by getting/having a job to pay for her own expenses. Honestly, what would happen if she took all the money she made and rather then spending it in on her own expenses, like food and such, spent it to pay his bills instead? He'd end up paying for her expenses and then you'd be sitting her yelling at her for making him pay for that!

She's an adult that is getting free lodging. Adults are expected to pay there way and it's amazingly hypocritical for her to fault her dad while sponging off of him. Come on? stop deflecting and reply to what I've actually said. Why shouldn't she pay rent? And why should he pay for her education?

Chikara_Kai

And you're being incredibly offensive for someone who's thought pattern in this is not simply on herself, but on the well being and care of her Autistic brother and the help and such that he needs to live. Hell, at least someone in her family is thinking about next week rather then right now.

Then you've clearly not read what she's actually wrote, or you're too small-minded to bother trying.

Chikara_Kai

Uh no..."textbooks" signs of dishonesty are constant changes in stories, gross embellishments, having too many perfect details to the point it sounds like a script. Jumbled words and skipped contractions are signs of someone that's typing to fast, tired, or frustrated with ignorance and rudeness.

My statements can be verified with a simple google search of science journals. But then, it's not like you're dealing with facts is it?

Chikara_Kai

Many homes are very, very nice and set up to deal with what the person needs in good times and bad. The family is always welcomed there and the person in need of care gets it to the best degrees.

Funny that? Isn't it? Everyone whose been to a care-home talks about how they were abused and how their quality of life was crap; whereas naive individuals like yourself, with absolutely no experience spout rubbish about how they're wonderful glorious places, where the grass is always green and the sun always shines. Hold on a second while I go and grab a bucket to puke into.

Chikara_Kai

You really need to research cases of sever Autism before you start hurling narrow minded, unsighted accusations around and understand what you are talking about.

What were you doing when you were 8 years old? Oddly enough, I couldn't speak, I had to be walked with a leash and when I managed to escape from my mother on the few occasions we went shopping, I'd end up defecating or urinating on tins of Baked beans. I'm clearly in awe of your awe-inspiring knowledge concerning Autism. I should clearly ignore all my many years of personal experiences and my own diagnosis of Autism, because it clearly meant nothing before the almighty fountain of knowledge, that is you!

Chikara_Kai

You need to inform yourself on the disorder before you start making accusations. By everything you've said here it is painfully obvious that you haven't the slightest clue on the actual depth of sever cases of Autism. Its not like having a puppy that's hard to house break. Its another thing entirely. The only sickening thing that I have seen on this thread so far is your rudeness and wild accusations based off your own ignorance of the situation and the truths behind the disease.

Funny, because I don't seem to be the idiot suggesting that anyone with a disorder should be thrown into care homes because they might hurt someone. I can't even begin to explain how uneducated, small-minded and pathetic that viewpoint of yours is.

[Bonjour Belle]

Ilithia, I'm sorry that happened to you, and that you're clearly angry about it (as I would expect you to be), but please don't take it out on someone who is just trying to seek help.

Also, the NJ statistic you included was that of a rural area. I live ten minutes from New York City in the second most expensive county in the state. One person living here could live on 34k comfortably.

[Ilithia]

Bonjour Belle

1. My brother attacked his teacher two months ago because she took him off of the class computer. He had to be written up, and the teacher, although faced with these challenges every day, could have pressed charges. Needless to say, she didn't, but my brother has become violent, and he may or may not continue to. We don't know, but I didn't think taking the risk was the best idea.

Were you there? Did you see it happen?

Bonjour Belle

2. It shows how closely you read, as I said my brother is not yet twenty one.

And how does that slight semantic detail change the meaning that either of us have said?

Bonjour Belle

You've missed this huge detail, and yet you can correct me on my grammar. Interesting

Exactly how is this a huge detail? His schooling is coming to an end, he could be a 10 year old body builder and what's been wrote is equally applicable.

And now for the Irony, I never corrected your grammar, I pointed out how your grammar is suggestive of someone who doesn't believe what they're saying. I don't care if your grammar is incorrect, since it's not indicative of anything.

[Bonjour Belle]

Ilithia

Bonjour Belle

1. My brother attacked his teacher two months ago because she took him off of the class computer. He had to be written up, and the teacher, although faced with these challenges every day, could have pressed charges. Needless to say, she didn't, but my brother has become violent, and he may or may not continue to. We don't know, but I didn't think taking the risk was the best idea.

Were you there? Did you see it happen?

Bonjour Belle

2. It shows how closely you read, as I said my brother is not yet twenty one.

And how does that slight semantic detail change the meaning that either of us have said?

Bonjour Belle

You've missed this huge detail, and yet you can correct me on my grammar. Interesting

Exactly how is this a huge detail? His schooling is coming to an end, he could be a 10 year old body builder and what's been wrote is equally applicable.

And now for the Irony, I never corrected your grammar, I pointed out how your grammar is suggestive of someone who doesn't believe what they're saying. I don't care if your grammar is incorrect, since it's not indicative of anything.

No, I wasn't, but I know how my brother is with the computer, and I wouldn't put it passed him to have done that. He's screamed at me before when trying to get him off the computer to come eat dinner.