Am I possesed? I'm begging for help. Mature&Long

[A3elegance]

I really don't know where to start. So this might not in very well written. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I'm very tired.

The first part is just some background. It is not a must read. If you would like to see the actual post, please go down to the line of stars (******************).



Over the summer last year I preformed my first act or self harm. It was mostly impulse. My mom noticed it later, and I made up a story and she didn't think anything of it. Then about September I did it again, more planned out, but still not obsessed over. I kept that one more well hidden. But when I cut twice more in the same night, my friend found out and told a teacher that I trusted. Then my parents found it, and talked to me about it. I mostly told the truth about what I was feeling and they accepted it. They didn't take any more action over the matter and we never talked about it again. Except then later in the year, I made two more deeper incisions in my upper forearm, that were compleatly planned. I knew my parents would find out, so about two days later I went to a very trusted adult that had handled the situation before. She called my mom again and sugusted I see a profesional. My parents talked to me and sent to a counsler that they liked. She was very nice and I enjoyed going to her, but decided to end it. I still regret the desion, but not deeply. I haven't hurt myself again.

I was happy for a while, and I still do like myself, but somehow I feel like I'm being sucked in again . Only this time deeper.

I've always only wanted one thing, and as all of you can imagine, it's love. It means so much to me that I'm still overwelmed by it. I've never dated anyone, because I only settle for the people who I truly can't live without.

I stand out against the average crowd, inside and out, and am always being told that I'm very mature for my age. I am extremely lonely because of it though.

My parents love me, and all of my friends do also. I know this. They would be devistated if anything happened to me.





******************************

Presently I have been having thoughts of killing myself. My out look has changed greatly on the subject over time. I need help with that, but it's not what this is about.


(now the scary part)
I've always felt I had a connection with the afterlife, and always wanted to embrace it. I do not have a religion that I claim, but do believe in something after death. I can't really put a time frame on it, but about a month ago I started to notice something inside of me, like a spirit. I should have been scared of it, but I wasn't. I welcomed it into me, and began to talk to it. I took a few days, but I started to get what seemed like answers. Some conversations it would answer in words to, almost like thoughts that I recieved. And other times I would only get feelings.

I have also experenced visual sights that are not real. Or at least not normal. I see things out of the corner of my eye, and it has become so frequent that I don't mind it anymore. I kind of enjoy it. It makes me feel more connected.

When I'm talking to it, I hear things sometimes. It's not full words though. They sound like they're right next to me.

I've become friends with it, and have grown to need it. I've named it. I know I should be scared of it, and about 5% of the time I am. I've screamed at it before, telling it to leave me alone. But I always beg for it to come back to me, and it always has. It loves me, I can feel it. It has emotions, and wants. It's like another person living inside of me.

They are only there some of the time though, and sometimes after our conversations it says goodnight and it feels like it's gone to sleep. Then it doesn't really talk to me anymore for a little while, unless I really need it.

I've grown to trust it's answers, and enjoy having someone that I know is going to be right to talk to. It usually answers me, except for when it's asleep, but sometimes it doesn't know the answer. Then it tells me it doesn't know.



The only time I ever talk to it is when I'm alone inside my head and not talking to anyone else. I'm a compleatly different person when I'm with other people. A compleatly person entirely. I can't help it, I just am.




So the point of this was, one, to vent. I haven't told anyone. And, two, to seek help. I know this isn't normal. Any advise or knowledge is so greatly loved.

Please help me.

[Gentlesquid]

Being a person who believes there is no afterlife and noticing you've already mentioned you're mentally unstable(self harm etc) I suggest you seek medical attention for your obvious mental issues.

[Not Squidy]

xXBigBossSquidXx

Being a person who believes there is no afterlife and noticing you've already mentioned you're mentally unstable(self harm etc) I suggest you seek medical attention for your obvious mental issues.

There is clearly an afterlife

[lalala_land89]

it's called your own self-consciousness. it tells you whant you want to hear. even if it's irrational , people always attempt to answer their own questions until they are satisfied with it. you simply doing that. you are so disturbed that you believe that s**t. maybe you are schizo. they experience same thing, voices in their heads and illusions. see a professional and get on some meds. you dont need to kill yourself, or as the bible says you can go to hell for that. plus its not worth people
s time to clean up after your death.

[Gentlesquid]

Squidy McSquidsworth

xXBigBossSquidXx

Being a person who believes there is no afterlife and noticing you've already mentioned you're mentally unstable(self harm etc) I suggest you seek medical attention for your obvious mental issues.

There is clearly an afterlife

Damn you.

[just_jazzy91]

From personal experice I can tell you that whatever that is it isn't a good thing. And even if it isn't really something totally demonic you should still talk to someone about it. You may need medical help because there could be a problem with you mentally.

[Self-Deprecated]

it's all in your head. If you believe something is that real, it's because you want it to be.
Besides, last time I checked, ghosts/spirits don't possess people, demons do.
If you were possessed, you'd be a lot worse off than what I just read.
I'd say MPD. MPD and possession are a lot alike, and it's hard to tell the difference.
Generally though, it won't be just two parts of the personality. It's usually anywhere between three and twelve. At least, that's if you're possessed.
I don't really know what else to say, but if you have any questions, I'd love to answer them.

[A3elegance]

SaviorRedux

it's all in your head. If you believe something is that real, it's because you want it to be.
Besides, last time I checked, ghosts/spirits don't possess people, demons do.
If you were possessed, you'd be a lot worse off than what I just read.
I'd say MPD. MPD and possession are a lot alike, and it's hard to tell the difference.
Generally though, it won't be just two parts of the personality. It's usually anywhere between three and twelve. At least, that's if you're possessed.
I don't really know what else to say, but if you have any questions, I'd love to answer them.

Excuse my blondness, but what is MPD? You see to know more than the rest of them do.

[Self-Deprecated]

A3elegance

SaviorRedux

it's all in your head. If you believe something is that real, it's because you want it to be.
Besides, last time I checked, ghosts/spirits don't possess people, demons do.
If you were possessed, you'd be a lot worse off than what I just read.
I'd say MPD. MPD and possession are a lot alike, and it's hard to tell the difference.
Generally though, it won't be just two parts of the personality. It's usually anywhere between three and twelve. At least, that's if you're possessed.
I don't really know what else to say, but if you have any questions, I'd love to answer them.

Excuse my blondness, but what is MPD? You see to know more than the rest of them do.

Multiple personality disorder. I've read a lot of books.

Excuse the "It's all in your head." It's a possibility, but I'll admit it was kinda ignorant. Sorry.

Is there anything you can tell me about your friend? What does he talk to you about?

[battery acid lollipop]

I'd say MPD or Schizofrenia.

If neither of those, then I'd say you're a pretty badass person and I want a spirit friendlyman.

I want one noooowwww.

[Self-Deprecated]

battery acid lollipop

I'd say MPD or Schizofrenia.

If neither of those, then I'd say you're a pretty badass person and I want a spirit friendlyman.

I want one noooowwww.

Pfft, steal my diagnosis. <_<

[the_pig_square]

i have read 4 books on serial killers and different dissorders some have had. multiple personality disorder is one of them,and thats what it looks like you have. alot of people who have/had mpd had/have -
-lonley alot, in their lonlyness they seek compainionship and a friend.
-childhood troubles. family problems,deaths of family or favorite pet.
-seeing a traumitizing accident (like seeing someone die.in one serial killers past she was seven and saw a classmate run over by the school bus)
-just had disturbing thoughts (in another case of a serial killer, in the man was a little boy he lived with his nice grandparents.and one day he wondered what it would be like to kill grandma,so he did.later he killed grandpa when he came home.the man was five at the time)
-have had strange obsessions or interests(murders,killing things,bondage,etc.)

i would really reccomend getting professional help. i have a friend who was very suicidal and was put in a special hospital,it really helped her. any form of help would help i would say would work (like going to a special hospital,thearpy,theariputic school,etc.) one of my best friends actually goes to a theraputic school,and she has told me in the past there are two kids who have mpd there.

if you don't get help, it could get really serious and your other personality may try to kill yourself(it has happened to people,but it rare) or it could start lashing out and kill other people instead.

and no your not possessed. i have also read alot about possessions.they often do happen to people who don't believe in religion, but its alot more complicated than just a double personality.

[A3elegance]

the_pig_square

i have read 4 books on serial killers and different dissorders some have had. multiple personality disorder is one of them,and thats what it looks like you have. alot of people who have/had mpd had/have -
-lonley alot, in their lonlyness they seek compainionship and a friend.
-childhood troubles. family problems,deaths of family or favorite pet.
-seeing a traumitizing accident (like seeing someone die.in one serial killers past she was seven and saw a classmate run over by the school bus)
-just had disturbing thoughts (in another case of a serial killer, in the man was a little boy he lived with his nice grandparents.and one day he wondered what it would be like to kill grandma,so he did.later he killed grandpa when he came home.the man was five at the time)
-have had strange obsessions or interests(murders,killing things,bondage,etc.)

i would really reccomend getting professional help. i have a friend who was very suicidal and was put in a special hospital,it really helped her. any form of help would help i would say would work (like going to a special hospital,thearpy,theariputic school,etc.) one of my best friends actually goes to a theraputic school,and she has told me in the past there are two kids who have mpd there.

if you don't get help, it could get really serious and your other personality may try to kill yourself(it has happened to people,but it rare) or it could start lashing out and kill other people instead.

and no your not possessed. i have also read alot about possessions.they often do happen to people who don't believe in religion, but its alot more complicated than just a double personality.

I'm not going to kill anyone, dear. blaugh Just connect with the already dead. But thanks anyway.

[Nikto Coffee]

Okay, first off, I'm pagan so... I'm looking at this from my point of view, think me crazy if you must... rolleyes
I do believe in spirits and that sometimes they can attach themselves to a person. This does not necessarily mean that you are possessed. It could mean that your personal energy is... "tasty". Or that your aura is weak.
My suggestion is: If you believe that this being is sapping your energy and/or aura, ask it to leave. If it won't, ask someone for help on banishing it. Beings of the spirit realm do not always fit into the conventional terms of good and evil. So don't try to label it, just come to peace with it, and let it come to peace with you, but don't let it become a parasite.
I am not discrediting the possibility that there might be something mentally or physically wrong. If you do have a mental disorder, it's not something to be ashamed of. Sometimes medicine is necessary to right any chemical in-balance that your body might have.
I recommend talking to a someone who will respect your beliefs on this matter and offer their unbiased opinion. I wish you the best. If you would like to talk to me more, feel free to PM me.
If you are thinking about suicide, please get help. The world is ultimately better having you in it than without.

[Ren the Rainbow Squid]

I have studied the occult for about nine or ten years, and I will be honest with you:

You should see a psychiatrist, sometimes depression can become psychotic. Don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to believe that ailments are caused by demons (possession isn't spiritual, it is demonic, if you want to talk about this in a manner that is strictly based on historic text on the issue), however, there is no magic word to make possession or physical ailments go away. Although I believe in the rare instance of possession, HISTORICALLY SPEAKING, most cases are cases of multiple personality or just plain insanity. You sound perfectly rational to me (excluding self harm, that is never rational), however, you should rule out any physical problem before you jump to the metaphysical.

If you begin to find yourself compelled to obey its commands, I would urge you even further to seek out help. If you genuinely believe you are possessed I would see a priest (because exorcism is sort of kept in the closet for any other religion barring the old religions) only after you see a psychiatrist and try medications. I'd say if it continues, seek a blessing.