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Call me Rainleaf's avatar

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My ex-boyfriend is an FtM transgender (for those who don't know, biologically a female but wants to be a boy.) He doesn't like to indetify as trans anymore, only male.
Alright, we met roughly three years ago. A year and a half after we met we started dating. We kind of broke up on mutual terms five months after, but I was pretty upset. The friendship crumbled for a few months after, and then we kind of jumped into dating the second time, which I admit was very stupid of us to do as we had a lot of unresolved drama over the summer. Our communication was very lacking, I was depressed, and it just ended as a mess. We broke up in November of last year, and we fought all the time until March or so of this year. We would have our occasional spats, though.
Not until summer started did we start talking- actually talking talking. He got a girlfriend (ex now) and I was just fed up with everything so I told him I couldn't deal with it anymore and I thought it would be best if we ended our friendship. We had a sit-down when he told me he was sorry for being an a** all the time and that he really did appreciate me. He said he was going to start trying harder to rebuild our friendship and thought it would be good if we both tried for better communication. Which yes, I could be a total sullen brat sometimes because I was still butthurt over our breakup. Anyway, I started working, I got a lot happier, and our friendship is great right now. However, I told him that I missed him (dating him) and he agreed to give our relationship another go, but he wanted to wait until our friendship and communication is better until we start dating again, which makes sense to me. No use in fighting all the time.
Recently he was upset because he's a little depressed because of his gender identity, and school in general brings him down, and his brother (who's kind of a total d**k) upset him. We were watching TV, and he angrily slammed his school books down, and I jumped so high because it scared the crap out of me. He looked over at me, completely sheepish and ashamed, and mumbled, "Sorry". I scooched over and leaned my head on his shoulder to calm him down, and surprisingly, he pulled me into his lap and wrapped his arms around me. We layed there like that for an hour or so until I encouraged him to finish his homework.
The weird thing? He's acting like it didn't happen now. Maybe he's confused or freaked out, and I don't really know how to broach the subject.
angel_259236102's avatar

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You both made the mistake of being in that iffy stage of ONLY being friends but saying yu wanted to date. So you did somethign that crossed the line of friends, you cuddled and stuff, and now you are at the poitn where what do you do? He is ignoring it because he said friendship now. ANd there is no reason in talking about it, you know why he isnt makign a move.
Call me Rainleaf's avatar

Beloved Seeker

angel_259236102
You both made the mistake of being in that iffy stage of ONLY being friends but saying yu wanted to date. So you did somethign that crossed the line of friends, you cuddled and stuff, and now you are at the poitn where what do you do? He is ignoring it because he said friendship now. ANd there is no reason in talking about it, you know why he isnt makign a move.

I'm sorry, and this is going to sound so rude, but I never to listen to your advice. We even got in a huge fight because you came into one of my threads in the past and just attacked me openly. I have no intention of respecting what you have to say anymore. I'm sorry.
Inscriven's avatar

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You two have placed yourselves in a awkward situation because of the lack of communication going on. If he needs to have more time friendzoning you in order to rebuild a friendship then he needs to stop crossing the line of friendship because it is only making things more confusing for the both of you since I imagine you're feeling slightly sore that he's not acknowledging that tender moment.

Boundaries need to be set. He needs to watch what he does, and you need to be guarded and be willing to pull away if he's not respecting the friendship boundary. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.


Also, if you are not a fan of a particular person's advice, you can very easily just not respond to it. Calling someone out because you don't like them creates completely unnecessary drama that is not only toxic to everyone involved, but threadjacks your asking for advice.
Call me Rainleaf's avatar

Beloved Seeker

Inscriven
You two have placed yourselves in a awkward situation because of the lack of communication going on. If he needs to have more time friendzoning you in order to rebuild a friendship then he needs to stop crossing the line of friendship because it is only making things more confusing for the both of you since I imagine you're feeling slightly sore that he's not acknowledging that tender moment.

Boundaries need to be set. He needs to watch what he does, and you need to be guarded and be willing to pull away if he's not respecting the friendship boundary. You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat.


Also, if you are not a fan of a particular person's advice, you can very easily just not respond to it. Calling someone out because you don't like them creates completely unnecessary drama that is not only toxic to everyone involved, but threadjacks your asking for advice.

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