A concerned girlfriend...please help

[Pinkari]

My boyfriend gets very depressed and so do i. He is very self concious and has had eating disorders for years. He doesnt want to let me in, or help me understand what causes this pain...but i have problems as well that i don't tell him about. We both have lots of past demons but i want him to know that i will be here for him.... but i think that because he is not talking to me (or anyone) things will just decline until we both end up stuck in a rut...how can i show him i love him and will always be here for him????

[EnRohbi]

Start by telling him yuo'll always be there for him... And then respect his decision if he still decides not to... if it gets really serious then you should try a little harder though

That's the best advice I can think of

[Pinkari]

Well he knows that i will be there....he is 19 and doesnt have a job, he gets too down to leave the house, he just stays in his room...i walk straight from the train from college everyday to his house, spend all my weekends there... i love him so much, but i fear that i can't do anything to help him be happy...he is happy sometimes but he gets bothered if i do the slightest thing wrong, or act the tiniest bit differently...

[The Invisible Angel]

EnRohbi

Start by telling him yuo'll always be there for him... And then respect his decision if he still decides not to... if it gets really serious then you should try a little harder though

That's the best advice I can think of

i agree 3nodding

[Elric The Defiant]

Pinkari

My boyfriend gets very depressed and so do i. He is very self concious and has had eating disorders for years. He doesnt want to let me in, or help me understand what causes this pain...but i have problems as well that i don't tell him about. We both have lots of past demons but i want him to know that i will be here for him.... but i think that because he is not talking to me (or anyone) things will just decline until we both end up stuck in a rut...how can i show him i love him and will always be here for him????

Wow............kind of reminds me of myself when i got this huge depression.........expect, I had to deal with it myself, no girlfriend. I wanted to be left alone. If your problems can relate to his a little bit, tell him that you have problems too. I don't know what else to say..........I am also pretty self-consious and man, does it rule me with a iron fist.

[Pinkari]

see, he wants to be left alone as well...but he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me....we make each other so happy...but he refuses to believe i could ever understand what he is going through...

i don't want to undermine him...i just want him to know how much i love him and care about him...

[EnRohbi]

Ask him to try, tell him to tell you what he thinks you won't understand, and if you don't understand it then you'll promise never to bring it up again... I've done that many times and it's always worked 3nodding

[Pinkari]

EnRohbi

Ask him to try, tell him to tell you what he thinks you won't understand, and if you don't understand it then you'll promise never to bring it up again... I've done that many times and it's always worked 3nodding

this is the thing...he doesnt THINK i won't understand...he KNOWS i wont understand...

he doesnt want to talk to me because he thinks its all for my benefit and won't do anything for him.

[Infinity Hermes]

I think that both of you could benefit from counseling, if there are that many demons with you. As for how it will affect your relationship, well, just be there for him when he needs you and give him your love and support.

I wish you nothing but luck. heart

[lymelady]

I was in the same situation. Except I kept begging him to go get help and finally one day I was so upset at how depressed he was that I broke down crying in his arms. I didn't mean to. He did, after that, he got professional help and that helped a little at first. But he wouldn't tell me until I told him what was wrong with me. After he heard....all....of it, he told me. Hard thing to do, though, open up. Maybe you should let him know your own demons if you want him to open up to you.

[Elric The Defiant]

Pinkari

see, he wants to be left alone as well...but he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me....we make each other so happy...but he refuses to believe i could ever understand what he is going through...

i don't want to undermine him...i just want him to know how much i love him and care about him...

eek I am starting to scare myself, this guy sounds like me all over again, doesn't care about himself, just wants to make a person that cares happy.

Another eek . I refuse to get help myself. I feel I need to overcome it to be a real person.........man, why do I get so personal on Gaia, of all places?

[Elric The Defiant]

Pinkari

EnRohbi

Ask him to try, tell him to tell you what he thinks you won't understand, and if you don't understand it then you'll promise never to bring it up again... I've done that many times and it's always worked 3nodding

this is the thing...he doesnt THINK i won't understand...he KNOWS i wont understand...

he doesnt want to talk to me because he thinks its all for my benefit and won't do anything for him.

eek eek eek I need to go to another thread, this is starting to freak me out. This guy thinks too much like me.

[EnRohbi]

Pinkari

EnRohbi

Ask him to try, tell him to tell you what he thinks you won't understand, and if you don't understand it then you'll promise never to bring it up again... I've done that many times and it's always worked 3nodding

this is the thing...he doesnt THINK i won't understand...he KNOWS i wont understand...

he doesnt want to talk to me because he thinks its all for my benefit and won't do anything for him.

Tell him that anyway!
I've done it to peopel many times as I said
Just say "Tell me what's wrong and... I promise if I don't understand I'll never bring it up again" Something like that

[Nev25]

i think you should kind of lay low until he feels like telling you. If he's depressed and your bugging him on stuff then hes probaly going to get mad even though he nows your trying to help i think you should stay off the subject for a little bit

[Pinkari]

Elric The Alone

Pinkari

see, he wants to be left alone as well...but he loves me and doesnt want to hurt me....we make each other so happy...but he refuses to believe i could ever understand what he is going through...

i don't want to undermine him...i just want him to know how much i love him and care about him...

eek I am starting to scare myself, this guy sounds like me all over again, doesn't care about himself, just wants to make a person that cares happy.

Another eek . I refuse to get help myself. I feel I need to overcome it to be a real person.........man, why do I get so personal on Gaia, of all places?

i get so worried that i might upset him man...he makes me so happy, its just that when he gets down, the whole world gets down around him...