Smoke 'em Out

[IlyaEalasaid]

Juliet glared at her brother, snatched the rabbit and hugged her tightly.

Ben walked back into the kitchen and helped himself to a beer before sitting down at the table. "Juliet's not talking to me. I tried."

[Ailor Vyracia]

Jack looked a little bit put out but collected his stuffed toys and settled down next to her, wanting some company and closeness.

"You're surprised?" Emily replied, having just made herself a cup of tea. She wasn't sat at the table, and chose to remain on the sofa beside the backdoor. "Just let her cool off this evening. She'll be fine."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"I'm not surprised," Ben said quietly. "I just don't know how to fix it. Em, please don't be like this with me. I'm sorry."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"You fix it by making more of an effort," Emily replied. "I know the hospital is hard work but they still need a father. We had this conversation before we had her. We both needed to take control of our work hours so we didn't neglect them. Juliet and Jack are both very young and they rarely see their father. Even if you don't have shortages at work."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"Do you want me to quit, Emily?" Ben asked. "You know what it's like over there; there's always shortages. I've got all those people under me and they're always calling me for help. I try, but there's not a lot I can do, short of going part time."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"I don't want you quit, Ben, but I do want to see an improvement. This isn't just a bad week, this has been going on for months, maybe even a year," Emily said, the tone in her voice making it clear she was just as tired of this conversation as Ben was. "I made it work, and my boss is a lot worse than yours."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"But Em," Ben said quietly, awkwardly. "I... I know what Markus is like, but my patients... they're just as difficult, in a different kind of way. I can't just walk out on them."
He shrugged, taking a long sip of beer. "I don't know, maybe I should think about going private. Get a bit of a desk job. It would work out better for the family."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"I'm not saying you walk out on them I'm just saying that aren't the interns and residents supposed to watch each others patients when they have time off," Emily replied. "Going private isn't you. No, you don't have to practically retire but you just need to be able to manage both fairly without one or the other suffering."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"I don't know how to switch off, Emily," Ben said quietly, pushing a hand through his hair. "When I'm at work, I'm thinking I need to get home. When I'm at home, I'm freaking out about the hospital falling apart. People die when I'm not there. I could stop that."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"I don't mean to sound selfish but there are other doctors - you're not the only good one," Emily replied. "I understand about death, I'm around it an awful lot myself but you need to put your family first while you're here. You can't be constantly on the damn phone while the kids are being read a bedtime story you had promised to read the night before."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"I know that," Ben said in frustration, looking up at her with desperate eyes. "You think I'm happy with how things are going? This isn't what I want. I don't like feeling like this all the time. I can't abandon my patients if they need me, and I shouldn't desert my family. Catch 22. What do you suggest, because I've run out of ideas."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"Ben, I can't tell you what to do because - without sounding terrible - I'll be wrong. And I'm not saying that in a 'I'm always wrong' way but in a 'I can't make those decisions for you' way." Emily said. "All I know is I'm not happy, I'm not ... this isn't working. This needs to work or we're going to continue to be unhappy and that is going to affect the kids."

[IlyaEalasaid]

"I'm trying," Ben said, dropping his head into his hands. "I'm really trying. But I don't know what else to do, Em. I'm trying to cut down my hours, but every time I go to leave before 5.30, something else pulls me back. You've seen the place. It never stops."

[Ailor Vyracia]

"Ben, there's not much else I can say. You need to take control ... I'm just ... I'm tired, so tired of this conversation," Emily replied, getting up and making a move to leave. "I know tomorrow you're at work again. I was going to go do some work myself, take the kids with me to the manor. Jack's been asking to see Archer so I think it'll be good for them. Especially if it's still snowing, they'll love the grounds."

[IlyaEalasaid]

Ben could think of nothing to say in response, so he simply nodded, finished his beer and stood up, kissing her cheek when he brushed past her.