мεετ мε σи τнε εqυiиσχ | ρяιvατε

[Orpheus Lake]

"Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone..."

мεετ мε σи τнε εqυiиσχ

This is a private roleplay between Orpheus Lake and Leihya_Tearfall

Though we e n c o u r a g e you to take a look if you w i s h please do r e s p e c t our privacy and d o n ' t p o s t.

"...I hold my breath and lose the feeling that I'm on my own."

[Leihya_Tearfall]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

Who knew that so much grief could be caused from one small silver package…

It had been nearly one year since I had first laid eyes upon them, all of them. It was there in the Forks High School cafeteria they sat, like some pagan tribute to the gods an ethereal beauty surrounding each and everyone one of them. I don’t know why they caught my attention, a fascination perhaps or even curiosity? Yet there they stood out among the rest – two females and two males, all of which belonged in the highest of fashion magazines. Only there was one who piqued my interest more so than the others, he shouldn’t have of course … but he stared at me with as much curiosity as I offered back toward him – or was it frustration? Of course being me I shied away from any prolonged eye contact made with the strange new being, embarrassed by my awkward gaze.

Though over those next few months something extraordinary would come of my self-proclaimed exile to Forks, Washington; and he would become my only reason to live. Edward Cullen.

I never believed in such myths as Vampires, nor would I have ever thought it humanly possible for something as amazing as Edward Cullen to be made for me. Of course Edward was not your everyday vampire. No in fact he was something more. As many would find hard to believe; the Cullen’s actually chose a lifestyle different than the average vampire. Rather than feeding on humans they found some solace in their creation by becoming what they like to call ‘vegetarians’. A joke among themselves per say. As well, the Cullen’s chose to interact and live what would seem to normal humans, everyday lives. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Edward attended school while Dr. Carlisle Cullen kept a career at the small hospital. Yet unlike the Cullen’s there were those who chose to live the life of a savage, by feeding on human blood and taking innocent lives.

I soon began to realize what a dangerous path of living I was choosing by falling irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen. It was during that year I was prepared to die in the place of someone I loved. It seemed better that way, in my mind at least and I had prepared myself to face the fact I would never see his face again. It was hard at first until I pushed the pain away, managing to store it in the back of my mind … locked away allowing me to face the danger ahead. A small coven had visited Forks; made by three Vampires known as James, Victoria and Laurent. Of course when James caught my scent his hunger rose forth, but the true reason the hunt began was due to Edward. James saw how Edward stood before me, how his body language suggested so much more… and in the eyes of a hunter, it would be perhaps the most exciting hunt ever presented before him. It was then much to Edwards distain that I was swept far from the clutches of James and taken back home to Phoenix by Alice, and Edward remained in Forks for my father’s sake. Of course no one had estimated that Victoria would gain access to my records in the school, leading James away from the trail that Edward, Carlise, Emmett, Rosalie and Esme worked so hard to build. No in fact he had come directly to me. In the end I had fled the ever watchful eye of Alice, setting my mind to do the right thing. To die in the place of another, in the place of my mother; only it was a ruse a mere charade that he led me to believe she had returned. Instead I would die for nothing for no one.

The rest happened so quickly, the pain though still vivid in my mind from the venom that began to surge through my veins. I knew I was in pain and I knew I had been bitten; only Edward was there and everything would be fine. As long as I could see his face and hear his voice I would be fine. The blood that flowed freely from my veins, from the open wounds I suffered, was enough to send my head swimming, and soon thereafter everything was submerged beneath the dark murky water that now overtook my very being.

I awoke, the blinding achromatic walls of the hospital were enough to make anyone close their eyes and think twice about opening them again. An annoying beeping seemed to be coming from somewhere nearby and I had decided that I was far from death, as death should not be this uncomfortable. I could feel something taped across my face, under my nose and with as much effort as I could muster I reached up in an attempt to rip it off. Only cool fingers caught my hand, a familiar voice resurfacing me bringing my reason for existence back clear into my mind. His voice, his familiar voice was such a comfort it brought a weak smile to my lips but a smile none the less, and it was then that everything began to crash down once more. A new pain began to flow through my body; not one related to broken bones or bruises, no it was one that threatened to crush me every second his features shifted. I could easily see that he contemplated removing himself from my life; but that was just it. Edward was my life, and by doing such … would perhaps be enough to kill me. Though through the conversation, I had done my best to make him promise never to leave me. Futile as it was he gave me a sufficient enough answer.
*************

The summer passed quickly and it was perhaps the best in my seventeen years to date. Of course every waking moment was spent with Edward when he was not ‘out of town’. The school year had come all to quickly and it seemed that Edward had pulled a few strings with the administration, of course being excessively good looking had its perks – especially when someone had a tendency to dazzle people. We had nearly every class together this year, also sharing a few with Alice. Rosalie and Emmett had graduated and gone off to college, though we all knew that they really hadn’t.

My birthday quickly encroached, and before too long it had come without hesitation. The feeling that swept over me was horrible. Knowing that I was now one year older, and Edward was forever seventeen. Of course I had told everyone that I wanted nothing for the austere day; and to my distain no one seemed to listen. Charlie had given me a camera while Renee had sent me a scrap book. They seemed to think it was a good idea, a well thought out gift allowing me to document what was supposed to be the best year and or years of my life. After all you only live once… I scoffed at the thought. Yet I threw on the best smile I could muster and thanked my father for the gifts, I also promised myself that I would shoot Renee a long needed email also thanking her for the gift. The day passed like any other, only as I should have guessed Alice would not let this ominous day pass unnoticed. Venomously I attempted to hush her as she elegantly twirled by my side, her beautiful silver voice ringing clear as she wished me a Happy Birthday. If anything I didn’t wish to attract any more attention than absolutely necessary.

*************


The day had passed just as quickly as any other, as I attempted to find reasons for why I could not attend the party that Alice dwelled upon. Edward pulled up the long drive that lead to the Cullen’s home it was clearly illuminated by bright light that shone through every window on the first two floors. As well, a long line of what looked to be Japanese lanterns hung from the porch eaves, reflecting a soft glow on the huge cedars that encased the house. There were big bowls of flowers, crystal bowls – filled with pink roses – lined all the way up the front stairs that led inside the home. Of course I moaned in protest, when it came to such things as gatherings, or dressing Bella for the prom; Alice held nothing back. It was shortly we entered the house, every flat surface was covered with pink candles and dozens of the same crystal bowls, each of which was filled with a portion of hundreds of roses. There was a table that was adorned with a pile of silver wrapped presents, a pink birthday cake and more roses.

This was a hundred times worse than I had imagined.

Much to my surprise everyone was there; including Rosalie and Emmett. I blushed as Emmett greeted me with a wide stretched grin before sauntering off to the front door. The first present was presented to me. I opened it cautiously. The box had many numbers on it, and I could easily tell it was something electrical, but when I opened the box for further insight it was empty. I thanked them, confusion riddled my voice as Rosalie actually cracked a smile, then proceeded to explain that it was a stereo for my truck, Emmett of course was already outside installing it so that I couldn’t return it at a later date. My smile was much more confident as I thanked them again. Quickly Alice took the empty box from me and replaced it with a small square silver package. It was from she and Edward. I rolled my eyes before sticking my finger under the paper jerking it quickly under the tape. ”Shoot.”

Who knew that so much grief could be caused from one small silver package…

A single drop of crimson oozed from a very tiny cut, and it was then it all happened so very quickly. Edward had thrown himself in front of me, flinging me backwards across the table that was laden with everything. It had fallen under the weight of my body – cake, presents, flowers and plates all scattering. I managed to land in the mass of shattered crystal as the sound of boulders in a rock slide could be heard. Of course I was all too dazed to really see who it was, though I assumed Edward was involved somehow. Yet beyond the daze as well as shock there was also pain, a searing stinging pain and I could feel the hot sticky liquid oozing from my wrist all the way to my elbow. It took everything I had at that moment not to pass out from the sheer smell as I looked up into the eyes of the suddenly five ravenous vampires.

When all was said and done Carlise, being the only one able to keep a look of calm on his face, had stitched me up. By that time all had departed, perhaps in an effort to avoid the smell of my sweet blood. Edward too had gone, though he returned shortly after to take me home. Something was different, something was horribly wrong.

His features, his body, everything about him seemed detached. I began to panic. Of course he blamed himself for what had happened, though it could have happened to anyone! Only, it didn’t. It had happened to me, in a house full of vampires. I hung my head low as the ride home was uncomfortable enough, I didn’t need to look at him and make it any more difficult. We had reached the house, and as a request I had asked Edward to stay with me. Of course it was nothing new, every night he seemed to be in my room waiting for me in the same spot on the edge of my bed. Only tonight conflict raged within him. Yet the rest of the night seemed to become more upbeat, and by the time I had passed into unconsciousness I had no inclination of what was to come.

Though that evening was perhaps the first that I shuddered into a darkness, it was as if I was already living the nightmare soon to come.

[I hope it is adequate enough for you to work with. I just pretty much role played my way to the point were at now >.> ]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

εδωαяδ αиτhσиγ мαςεи cυιιεи

It is impossible to believe that I was sitting on the sofa in Chief Swan’s house, holding Bella in my arms as we watched Romeo and Juliet together only a few nights ago. So much had changed. For the worse. And it was all my fault. My fault in so many ways. She never wanted a party. If I had reined Alice in, maybe I could hold her in my arms still. Maybe if I had convinced Alice that Bella’s birthday should be spent with me, and only me, then maybe everything would still be okay.

But who am I fooling?

I am a vampire. Bella is human. That fact has never been clearer to me than now. I was stupid to think that I could keep the truth of what I am from her. The bitter truth. How selfish I am, to bring her into a house of vampires, just because I’d like to entertain the notion that she loves me! If I truly loved her, I would have turned her away long ago. I would have convinced her that I hated her, and saved her life. If Jasper had been just a second quicker… If Emmett had not, spontaneously, decided to go hunting that very morning… If I had not been so focused on fighting my brother off that I had time to register how deliciously inviting her warm blood smelled as it dripped teasingly from her veins…

It was just one day. One set of circumstances that happened to culminate in a freak accident.

But it wasn’t just that day. Everyday I am with her, I am telling myself not to kill her. Every night I am in her room, and she rolls over onto my chest, I will myself the power to keep from breaking her neck. Everyday is a struggle. And she deserves so much more than that.

I love Bella with all of my heart. But she does not deserve this hell that I have condemned her to. She deserves so much better. She deserves someone who can see that she is bleeding, and tend to her with love and care, not someone who must immediately cease breathing and go rigid. She deserves a birthday that she doesn’t have to resent, because everyone around her will be in just the same condition she is in. She deserves a lover who can touch her in the heat of passion and not have to restrain himself for fear of killing her. She deserves someone she can have a family with, and grow old with. She deserves humanity. And that, I cannot give her.

Even though it puts me throw immeasurable pain to think about it…Mike Newton would be better for her than me.

I’m kidding myself. I’m only hurting her by staying with her. She got lucky on her birthday. Just a paper cut. I shuddered. Next time, she may not be so lucky. And if she died because of me or my family…I would not be able to live with myself.

It killed me on the inside to think about what I had to do. But I knew it was for the best. She needed a life. And so long as she was with me, she would not continue to live. However much I may hate what has been done to me, and the monster that resulted from it, There is only one reason for why I am glad of it. It brought me to Bella. But I cannot exist with Bella as I am. I don’t deserve her. She is so much better off, in every way. And the fact that, because I now lead the life I do, she was almost killed, makes me hate what I am even more. How I wish I could have been human the day that Bella Swan walked into my life.

But I was not.

And there is nothing I can do to change that fact.

And so this is what I must do. I must save her life. It is the only option.

Because, how ever much it may hurt me and hurt her, I can live without Bella. But I cannot live in a world where Bella does not exist.

And that is why I have to do this. It’s going to hurt her, but I have to live with that. I have to hurt her. I have to hurt her in order to save her.




I tried to be myself as I walked over to her truck. I tried not to think of my argument with Alice. I tried not to let her vision of the future affect my decision. Bella would get over me in time. I was no good for her. I was killing her. She would see that, in time. She was only human. Humans got over things easily. Their minds were no more than a sieve. She would soon forget all about me.

I walked over to her truck as she got out. I took her bag from her and threw it easily back into her truck. I could see her analyze this out of the ordinary movement, her brow pulling together. She knew something was off. She could see right through me. Damn those deep brown eyes. They saw everything. But then, that’s why I fell in love with her, wasn’t it? She never did anything I expected. She could look at me, and for once, it was like she was reading my thoughts, not the other way around. Quickly, before she could say anything, I closed the door to her truck and took her hand. “Come for a walk with me.” My voice sounded far away, even to me.

I could see it in her eyes. She was putting pieces together. I didn’t wait for her reply. I started taking her towards the woods behind her house. The same woods where I had watched her in the shadows less than a year ago. How quickly time passes. But I couldn’t think about such things. I had to keep reminding myself that what I was doing was for the best. For her future, because she deserved one more than any other person walking this planet. And there is no future as long as she remains tied to me.

I stopped walking and dropped her hand. It was time. It was now or never. I could put it off no longer. Every step I took further on would only give me more opportunity to go back on this decision. And I could not. I had to do this. I had to save her.

She addressed me coolly.

How could I possibly do this?

“Bella, we’re leaving.” Of course, my face showed none of my emotions. I had perfected the art of distance these past few days. I could do this. I had to do this.

To my surprise, she looked relieved. But I kept my exterior unemotional. One slip, and she would catch on to me. She would know. I could not have her realize what was going on here. And yet, a very deep, very secret, very selfish part of me wanted her to. It wanted her to figure it out. It wanted her to talk me out of doing this.

But I could not listen.

“Bella, it’s time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty-three now. We’d have to start over soon regardless.”

And then she was confused as she tried to figure the meaning to my words. And then I knew where the clarity was lacking. She thought I meant for her to come with us.

“I mean my family and myself.” Each word was separate and distinct. I hated myself.

She wanted to come with me.

“You can’t Bella. Where we’re going…it’s not the right place for you.”

Where I am was good for her. How I wish I could have agreed.

“I’m no good for you Bella.” This was truth. She deserved so much better than me.

The pain was starting to dawn on her face. I had to do it. I had to.

“My world is not for you.” Did I sound as grim as I felt?

She tried to distract me, first with Jasper, then with her soul. She tried to take me away from the real reason why this needed to happen. She was pleading. The sound of it tore away my heart. How could I do this to her? Why did I let this get so far?

But she was undoing me. I couldn’t have that. I had to end this now, before I lacked any resolve. I looked up into her face, my golden eyes fierce and hard. I tried my best to look angry. I tried my best to look…like a vampire.

“Bella, I don’t want you to come with me.”

“You…don’t…want me?”

“No.” I tried to imagine that we were an average high school couple. Guys broke up with their girlfriends all the time. I heard their thoughts as they did it; I tried to imitate it. I did everything in my power to pretend like I did not care about Bella Swan.

I looked off into the trees, unable to stand the pain in her eyes. “Of course, I’ll always love you…in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change. Because I’m…tired of pretending to be something I’m not, Bella. I am not human.” I looked back at her. It hurt, but I had to make sure she would understand me. “I’ve let this go on much too long, and I’m sorry for that.”

She asked me not to do it, and I wished, I desperately wished that I could listen. This pain was more than I could bear. I had to end this quickly; I could already feel my resolve weakening at the look on her face.

“You’re not good for me, Bella.” It was a weak argument. We’d spent too much time together. I’d said too many things to her that contradicted my words. She would know that. She would realize-

“If…that’s what you want.”

What? Of course that’s not what I want! Can’t she see what I’m trying to do? Can’t she see why this needs to happen? Can’t she see me lying to her face? Does she really think my feelings for her could ever change? I could see it on her face. She thought I was the truth. She believed that she wasn’t good for me. It was almost enough to make me forget I wanted to do any of this. It ripped at my heartstrings and made my long-dead stomach turn with acid. I wanted to shout at her, to make her realize that I wasn’t good enough for her. I never could be.

And that’s why I had to do this. But I had to wonder. If she really did think that she wasn’t good enough to be with me, what would my leaving do to her?

I ignored Alice’s warnings playing in the back of my head. “I would like to ask one favor though, if it’s not too much. Don’t do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I’m saying?” It was an order, and it did not come out as successfully distant as everything else I had said so far. Images of Bella ending her own life played before my eyes, and I felt completely desolate. If she were so idiotic, I resolved, then I would follow her shortly. Perhaps Carlisle was right. Perhaps Bella and I would meet again…in a place where she and I were equals. In a far away world where, somehow, I deserved her.

I realized that I had become to passionate with this last request. She couldn’t think I cared about her still. She couldn’t be thinking there was still a chance. Quickly, I made up something about her needing to stay alive for Charlie. She loved him too much. She wouldn’t be too rash without considering her father, who would be all alone with out her. She was grounded, rational, considerate. I loved her for it.

“And I’ll make you a promise in return. I promise that this will be the last time you will see me. I won’t come back. I won’t put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I’d never existed.” I smiled gently. “Don’t worry. You’re human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.” She would go on. She would forget about me. She would be the lucky one in this mess. I would never forget her. In fact, I was sure that there would not be one day that passed for the rest of my existence where I did not think about Bella Swan. Every detail of her being was etched into my memory, never to be forgotten for as long as my brain still functioned.

She asked of my memories, as if, out of the two of us, she were the mind-reader.

“Well,” I hesitated, wanting desperately to tell her the truth, and yet knowing that I couldn’t. “I won’t forget. But my kind…we’re very easily distracted.” I tried to smile, but in my mind it felt more like a grimace. I hated myself infinitely more with every word that came out of my mouth. I took a step away, needing to escape. “That’s everything, I suppose. We won’t bother you again.”

Then she made another realization – that Alice wasn’t coming back. She was gone. All the Cullens were gone.

“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.”

I watched her for a moment, taking in every painful detail. No matter how hurt she was, I had to remember this moment. It would be the last time I would see her face. She would live on forever in my mind as she was right now. Eighteen. Beautiful. Immortally mortal. That was the way it was supposed to be for her, before I came along and ruined everything.

“Goodbye, Bella.” My voice was quiet. It almost sounded peaceful – the exact opposite of how I felt. I would never recover from this. I would never take another mate. Bella would remain, forever, the only person I could, and would, ever love.

I grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her sides. If she put her arms around me, if she enveloped me in her scent, I would never be able to leave her. Gently, I pressed my lips to her warm forehead for one last time. “Take care of yourself.” I breathed.

And then I was gone.

I did not allow myself to stop. I ran straight for her house and let myself in. I ran up the stairs and opened her stereo. The CD I made her was sitting there. Taking it out, I got the box it came in, as well as the present from Carlisle and Esme, and looked around. I couldn’t take them from her. But she couldn’t have them at hand, to cling to. I wanted to leave them in a place where, maybe someday, when she was older and was remodeling the house for her children, she would find them. And maybe she would remember me. She would have moved on by then, and gotten over me. But maybe she would remember our precious few months together with tenderness. It was a selfish want, for her to remember me, but, after all, hadn’t I already proved myself to be prone to selfishness? Finally I decided. I pried up a floorboard and placed the gifts tenderly under the floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the scrapbook Renée had sent her. I opened it and saw the first pictures, which she had scrawled labels under. There was nothing I could do about those, but I took the pictures with me in them. They were tossed with the gifts, and then I replaced the floorboard. This took no more than a minute, but I still felt the need to be quick. Surely Bella would come walking out of the woods at any moment. I ran down the stairs and looked out of the windows, to the back yard. There was no sign of movement. Just in case, I got a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled a note to Charlie, telling him, in Bella’s handwriting, where she had gone.

Then, after one final look around the home that belonged to the love of my existence, I ran out. I got into my car and peeled out of the driveway, speeding down the street.

I didn’t know where I was going. It didn’t matter.

I was leaving the core of my existence behind me. Forever.

What reason did I have for anything any more?

There is no reconciliation to put me in my place,
and there's no time like the present to drink these draining seconds.
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you;
like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear.

And the day passed on like crushing weights,
for no man does it ever wait.
Like memories of dying days that deafen us like hurricanes;
bathed in flames we held the brand, uncurled the fingers in your hand
Pressed into the flesh like sand. Now do you understand?

[Leihya_Tearfall]

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle




Unfair.

The word did not even begin to cover it.

The excitement I felt during Bella’s birthday party seemed to have surfaced my emotions from the dark murky water I was trapped within for the time being. It felt as if I was in the dark once more. The party became a distraction from the pain that was whirling within me. Of course I knew she was irritated, if not irate at the ‘embellishments’ I had spent so much time upon – but that did not deter my mood in the least. It was always so much fun showering Bella with such pleasantries and clearly she was the type of human who did not want any form of eccentric attention brought upon her; silly Bella. Thus, it made it all the more fun. Edward of course had warned me of Bella’s wishes, and as always I didn’t listen. I could easily see that the evening would go along just smoothly. After a few presents, Bella would warm up to the idea and realize that it was fun after all. Only I didn’t foresee the sudden affliction that would turn that perfect evening upside down. Everything had happened entirely too fast, and by the time the realization of the severity had come washing through my mind like a plague it was all but too late.

The smell had hit me much like that of a wrecking ball. Of course I had remembered the sweet and sultry smell of Bella’s blood from when she was nothing more than a crumpled and broken mass upon the floor in Arizona, it took everything I had then not to break. Yet I had grown accustom to her scent and attached to Bella herself. With what restraint I could muster, immediately I quit breathing, as did everyone around me – everyone but Emmett that is. No one had known that such an incident would occur, that blood would be spilt and of course the proper precautions were not taken on some parts. Emmett had simply over looked hunting this morning, he too was just as eager to see Bella’s expression when she arrived. Thus, the mistake had been made and the sound of Emmett and Edward crashing against one another could be heard echoing from the house. I knew right away Emmett would regret his action, for he too felt attached to Bella as did the rest of us – even Rosalie held some form of emotion for the girl, whether she wished to admit it or not. Edward in his attempt to protect Bella had thrust her so hard backwards that she went crashing into the table covered with the gifts, the cake, plates and other objects – as well as the shattered crystal from the force of her impact – and there it was again. The smell had magnified nearly tenfold, though luckily I continued not to breathe; for as long as I did not waste what air I held within my lungs by trivial things such as speech, I would be ok. Only, that did not stop my eyes from lingering upon the crimson liquid that pulsed so freely from her serrated veins. In fact it looked absolutely delectable.

Edward managed to force Emmett outside, where he would soon regain his composure as the fresh air hit his senses – Rosalie followed in suit, her face strangely smug. I could see Esme shoot Bella an apologetic glance before turning to remove herself from the scene as well. It was only Carlisle and I remained behind. Quickly I bound over to the closet closest to the kitchen pulling out a fairly thick dish towel. ”Here, Carlisle.” It was evident I was holding my breath as I spoke, trying to contain as much air as possible though there was really no need for me to breathe. Carlisle began to ask Bella if she wanted him to tend to her at the hospital or in the privacy of the Cullen household. That of course should have been easily guessed, after all what was Bella going to say to Charlie if he had found out she was in the emergency room? Edward threw me into some crystal bowls, but don’t worry it was for my own protection … after all Emmett was trying to kill me. I merely shook my head at the thought. ”I’ll get your bag.”

It did not take Carlisle long to remove all the glass from the wound and stitch it closed, of course I too had to remove myself it was all becoming too much. After all, I had well enough self control over my thirst but I was in no comparison as strong as Edward was. It was then the first vision came to me. I didn’t know what to make of it at first, and quite frankly I was confused beyond belief - until it hit me.

I could see Edward standing on the edge of the river bank not too far from where I was, and that was when the second vision and then the third came into my sight. He was uncertain, ashamed, angered and beyond all distraught. Each vision shifted as he remained undecided on how to proceed, and I could not believe he of all people would consider such an option! Without thinking I made my way to his side, practically flitting from the side door, of course his body was rigid and he was emotionally detaching himself that much I could easily see. It was clear Edward had made up his mind, though he was still uncertain about how to do it. Gently I reached a hand toward his shoulder, yet he moved away before any contact could be made. ”Edward, you can’t do that to her! I began to plead, yet he listened not and merely left.

A sudden familiar pain began to wash over my entire being as Edward began to walk toward the house, and if tears were possible, they would have flowed freely from my ocher orbs.

In a sense it felt much like Déjà vu was occurring, only decades later – and for the first time in a long time I could feel a new affliction within an old wound. Edward, though he believed himself to be doing the wrong thing for all the right reasons (a selfless act as he called it in my vision); was in turn going to break Isabella Swan into nothing. He would leave her devoid of anything that she was once capable of, and sadly I understood that pain. It was when Jasper left – to satiate a lifestyle that I could not - that he took a part of me, perhaps the most vital part; and now Edward was going to rip another piece of my life apart. It was too much, it was unfair! Only at this time it was unfair to Bella. I knew that when Edward left, and he would, the act would crush her as easily as we could. She would be broken and alone.

I could hear Edward and Bella trudging to her truck, leaving me only to think please, not tonight. It was a selfish thought, a thought that perhaps should never have crossed my mind as the engine roared to life. After all Isabella Swan was Edward’s mate, not mine. Why would I ever feel so strongly for her? Because… she was family, and I loved her like such. It was a feeling that my world was slowly ripping to pieces as I made my way back into the house. Esme had already cleaned the blood from every surface, the stench of bleach burning my senses. I offered a meek smile toward the woman I considered to be my mother; concern immediately crossing her features. ”Alice, what’s wrong?” Esme rushed beside me as I let my petite form crumple toward the ground. As each minute passed Edward grew closer to his decision, and the vision became solid, focused. ”It’s Edward…” I began, yet those were the only words I could muster from my lungs before my head fell limply into my delicate fingertips. Esme seemed to understand, leaving me to my foresight. I could hear Rosalie, faintly, but still audible. "It will be better this way Esme. Edward hardly needs Bella dragging him down all the time."
There of course was no answer on Esme's part, but I assumed that if looks could kill Rosalie would surely be six feet under by now.

I don’t exactly know how long I remained there, the visions continued to flow through my mind as Edward had yet to return; each one making the picture more perfect until finally they stopped. It was final. Frantically I searched ahead, in hopes that something would change that Edward would change his mind. Yet to no avail the vision remained crystal clear, unmoving.

Edward returned that morning as he usually had every day prior to this one, yet the look on his face was enough to break anyone’s heart. It was clear this was not something he wanted to do, yet he felt it was the right thing to do. Edward felt that he was the one slowly killing her, and would soon remedy the problem - leaving her and allowing her to live the human life that she should. ”Edward!” I began rising up from the floor where I had fallen the night prior. ”You can’t do this to Bella, you don’t understand what it will do to her!” Yet his features became stern, anguish dissipating without a moment’s notice. ”Alice. I have to hurt her. I have to hurt her in order to save her.” It was then the anger began to wash over the every fiber of my being as I let my lips curl back over the venomous fangs within. A resonant growl began to rumble low in my chest, as golden orbs became nothing more than thin slits. ”Don’t be stupid Edward! Look at her, you’re everything in Bella’s life and without you she would be nothing. You can’t just waltz in and then expect her to forget about you! It’s impossible! You’re only going to destroy her. Honestly Edward do you really think Bella is just going to go on living without you in her life? Whether she kills herself physically or not, you’re going to be the one to kill her mentally!” There was a long silence before I finally relaxed my expression, speaking again … only not out loud. ”Please Edward… Please don’t do to Bella, what Jasper did to me…”

His expression faultered for only a moment before he reciprocated my anger, his words just as venomous as mine had been. ”Do you think I am going to enjoy this? NO! This should never have gotten as far as it did Alice, can’t you see that?” Edward turned his gaze away from me as he proceeded to push past. ”I would start packing today.” As Edward spoke the words it was clear that they were not only directed toward me, but to the rest of our family as well. So that was it, he was merely going to remove us and anything that would provide Bella with the realization that we did once exist in her life. Though as Edward may try, I knew better than to believe he could just erase us from her life. I stood there for a moment longer before calling out to Edward once more. ”Can…can I at least say goodbye?” Though I knew my question was irrelevant, and of course I already knew the answer…

A clean break, that would be better for Bella.

Perhaps Edward was right.

So a clean break it was. My family and I were gone by evening already on the next plane out, leaving Edward behind to sever all ties with Isabella Swan. There was nothing left in our home, it was as if we never existed in the small town of Forks Washington..




goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

ισgαи αρσιισ мcgσωαи

I opened my eyes. The clouds loomed, gray and angry overhead. But I had come to expect nothing less. This was Washington, after all. I was getting used to the weather here very quickly. It was much different than Mississippi. I exhaled deeply, the movement to my lungs being the first in hours. In one lithe motion, I sat up and stood, brushing dirt from my black jeans. I ran a hand through my unruly dark hair, all the while listening for movement on the ground above. My keen hearing allowed me to hear for miles off. With no sound other than that of deer and various other small creatures, I pushed off of the hard dirt and jumped, landing on the soft green grass six feet above. How terribly cliché it was for me to sleep in a pre-made grave. But, as it was that I had no money and no form of identification, it wasn’t as if I could simply waltz into a motel and demand a bedroom. As far as modern times were concerned, I didn’t exist. Logan Apollo McGowan, the one with my face and fingerprints, died long before countries decided to write down the names of their citizens. In fact, in the time that I’ve existed, I could have died at least five times over.

My parents defied all logic and rules. They fell in love, as immortal adults often do, and didn’t care much about such a foolish thing as species. My father, an honest working Irish land owner, was bitten by a vampire in 1422, and turned immortal at the age of twenty-two. After two centuries of wandering the earth, he met, and fell in love with a young woman of eighteen. But she was no ordinary woman. You see, Ireland is referred to as “the land of the wolves” for a reason. There were many packs of shape shifters in Ireland, who took the form of the wolf. My mother was one of these werewolves. (Though not technically a werewolf, I feel the term still applies because she is of the race of man, and is also a wolf.) These two met, my mother imprinted, and my father recognized his soul mate in another. They were inseparable. Both were cast out of their respective communities, for their union was forbidden. Vampires and werewolves were sworn enemies, even in those times. They stayed away from all types of society, for all they needed was each other.

And then, a remarkable thing happened.

Female vampires are infertile, because their granite bodies cannot grow to adapt for children, and their dead organs cannot nourish them. But male vampires still have the ability to create life. And that is what happened. My father impregnated my mother. Normally, the vampire genes and werewolf genes will destroy each other on contact. The animosity between the two races is not purely man-made. Down to their DNA, vampires and werewolves were not meant to co-exist. That is, until I was born.

My mother carried some strange genetic anomaly in her blood that was given to me upon conception. It allowed for the vampire DNA and the wolf DNA to fuse together perfectly, creating a hybrid of the two species. Half-vampire, half-wolf, and stronger than both.

Three days separated my conception and birth. Accelerated growth is common with hybrid children, or so I’ve read, and because I was made by two immortals, I was the fastest ever produced. I was fully grown at four years old. But, when I was still a child in size, the vampire government, the Volturi, a group that was still in its infancy, somehow noticed my arrival into the world. They took special interest in me, and waited until I had stopped aging before enforcing their law. My father and mother were both slaughtered before my eyes, and Aro passed his new law, saying vampires and werewolves were forbidden to mate.

It seems that this is a good point to note exactly what I am.

When someone looks upon me, they see something entirely inhuman. My skin is very pale, and, to a human, hard as granite rock. In the sunlight, it looks as if my flesh is made of thousands of tiny diamonds that shimmer and sparkle. While breathing is not necessary for me, it feels uncomfortable not to do so. That all comes from my father. But, when I chose to do so, I can morph. I can phase and change my form into that of a giant, toned wolf with a pelt as black as night. My natural body temperature runs around 39º Celsius (103º Fahrenheit). My heart beats, albeit slowly and quietly, and my organs work. These traits are credited to my mother. You may think that she got the short end of the stick in my creation, but you must also remember that she is the only reason why I exist in the first place.

And now, the part of me that is completely hybrid.

Because my organs, for the most part, function normally, I would initially be considered “fragile” in the world of immortals. But, thanks to my vampire shell, I am just as durable as the rest of my father’s kind. Also due to that fact, I can sustain myself on either blood or meat. But both must be fresh. I can’t stomach human food. My body rejects it, and I vomit. I try to stay away from the general public, because I alarm people. Stillness comes naturally to me. I remain completely still as second nature. It unnerves people, and then when I do move, it often comes across as offensive and aggressive for the sheer suddenness of it. I make people jump constantly, and for things as simple as stretching. It unsettles them, for my stillness is the stillness that their subconscious associates with a predator. Humans avoid me, because as they draw nearer the hairs on the back of their necks stand up and their subconscious shouts that they are in danger, though they fail to see a reason why. I must always wear sunglasses when I am out in public, for my eyes are completely black. There is no pigment difference between my pupils, my irises, and my sclera. They are completely and utterly black, like two jagged shards of onyx. This also unnerves people. I am completely silent on my feet. I am faster, stronger, and cleverer than any other vampire or wolf that I have ever come across. I can hear, see, and smell farther than either vampire or wolf. But I am at my best by far when I am half-phased. That is when I become the epitome of a vampire-werewolf hybrid. I am completely unidentifiable as one or the other. Not vampire. Not werewolf. Never once a man. I fit only into some unknown third category.

I was stronger than Aro, Caius, and Marcus put together. Certainly they felt threatened. So why did they not kill me?

They couldn’t get anywhere near me.

Because, as if I wasn’t strong enough already, I was born with something else. Something that could be attributed to neither vampire nor werewolf. I was born with a special ability. I could mimic the abilities of those around me, immortal or human, as long as they were within a certain distance from me.

And so, standing in the atrium in Volterra, with all of the Volturi’s guard around me, I was the most powerful bugger in the room mentally, let alone physically. They tried, all of them, attacking me at once with their powers as well as their force, but I had them all laid out on the floor writhing without even so much as a twitch of a finger.

And this is what kept Aro from pursuing my death. My power became something for him to lust after, but I refused to join his guard. Having already seen that he could not take me by force just yet, he let me leave Volterra to go about my business. But he issued one condition. I would have to return to him once every ten years to check-in, for as long as my allegiance was first to the vampires, I would not become a threat in his eyes.

I agreed, and walked away from Volterra. And I would keep walking for centuries.

I came to America only fifty years before the Great Potato Famine in Ireland. But, when you don’t age, fifty years requires a lot of moving around. I stayed mostly in the north east, where it was cloudy and I could walk around most days without having to worry about shimmering in the sunlight. Often I would encounter other vampires, but I never joined any covens. They all knew I was different. A freak. They could identify me by scent alone; they never even had to see my eyes, or the way I moved. I did not have the sweet scent of vampires, nor the musky scent of werewolves. My scent was somewhere in between. Like fresh flowers in the woods after a thunderstorm. Those vampires that weren’t immediately disgusted with me were unnerved by my presence, and would quickly move on after crossing my path.

I was quickly becoming used to being alone. I fought in the American Civil War several times, a passing amusement to save me from my boredom. But it wasn’t just a big show. It was the bloodiest, most gruesome war I had ever seen in all my days, and all the needless bloodshed turned my stomach. Seeking an escape from the massacre, I set myself up for jobs in hospitals, trying to help people rather than kill them. Of course, I could only stay for a certain amount of time in each hospital before I had to move on due to the lack of visible aging. This was how, at the turn of the twentieth century, I ended up at an asylum in Biloxi, Mississippi. I had a tendency for asylums. The people put there were outcasts, deemed “freaks” by mortal society, just as I was deemed a freak by immortal society.

It was in this asylum that my entire world changed.

If I had been put here for a reason, I had never known it until I saw her face. All it took was one look, and she had me. With one look, it was as if gravity no longer held me to the earth. Instead, it was her. She was indescribably beautiful. No other person walking this earth could hold a candle to her, not even a vampire. He looked at her, and she was all that mattered in his life. He lived and breathed for her, and only for her.

Her name was Mary Alice Brandon.

Her parents had committed her to the hospital. They claimed she was hallucinatory, that they didn’t have time to humor her any longer, and that now she was the asylum’s problem. But I knew better. When I was with her, my ability kicked in, and I would see what she would see. They weren’t hallucinations, they were premonitions. Mary was able to see the future, though very subjectively.

Asylum care back then was not what it is today. In fact, I’m not even sure they should be considered in the same category. Back in the early 1900’s, people would toss the infirm, senile, and mentally unstable together all in the same room. They would not be bathed, and would only be fed slop and milk once or twice away. There was no medication, now therapy or psychiatry. No one in the outside world gave a damn about these people; they simply wanted them off the streets. It killed me to imagine Mary living like that. I did everything I could to see that she was looked after. One thing no one cared about in those days was an orderly having favorites. I cleared out a room in the attic so Mary would not fall prey of the insane in the floors below. She didn’t belong with them. She was completely stable. She just had a gift that she did not understand. I tried to explain to her that there were things out there that were beyond human comprehension. She knew that I, like her, was different. But rather than avoid me out of fear or walk away in disgust, she was drawn closer to me, even before I started taking special care of her. I stayed awake around the clock some days, making sure she was safe and protected. When asked why Mary had to be kept away from the others, I said that she was especially unstable. But I didn’t really need to answer. I made my coworkers uncomfortable enough, that, no matter the rank, if I dictated an order, they would listen to me. I brought in food from the outside world and cooked it in the kitchens myself, making sure that Mary stayed healthy.

Over the short time we had together, we grew inseparable. She was the only one that did not shy away when I was myself. She knew I was not human, but she did not know specifically what I was. She didn’t care. All that mattered was the fact that I was hers, and she was mine.

And then one day, my entire world changed once more, for the worst.

I had taken Mary outside and around the grounds for a walk. It was the first time she had been outside in months. She sat between my legs, my arms enveloped around her to keep her warm in the cool fall breeze, when a vampire stumbled upon us.

His name was James. He was a tracker.

He saw how much love I had for Alice, a human, and it intrigued him. He couldn’t understand why I would have such a reaction to a human. He understood that, if he were so inclined as to kill her, my attempts to save her and keep her from him would make for the most interesting game he’d ever had.

One day when I had no choice but to leave, I came back and found Mary traumatized. James had been to see her, and she was left bleeding on the floor. I was sure he had bitten her, but the blood was from cuts she received from a shattered mirror. It was clear that I could not sit by and wait for him to come attack her again. It would have been so much easier if she were not so fragile. I could take her mortality away from her, and make her forever eighteen. Half-breed as I was, were I to bite anyone, they would turn into a vampire. There was the venom of a vampire in my eternal kiss. I was sure that if she were changed, James would lose his interest in her. And then, of course, if she were immortal, then I would never have to worry about being without my other half. But this reason, the selfish one, came second on the list. I thought first and foremost only for her welfare. Who would want to be ravaged by a monster at eighteen? I could not let her suffer that fate.

And so I came to her in the dead of night. I watched her in her peaceful slumber for a long time before I finally decided to act. And in that moment, when I reached out and touched her hand, we shared a vision. (I know because I could see her eyelids flicker as if enthralled in a dream.) In that moment, I saw her, painfully beautiful and immortal. But, instead of the crimson orbs I had assumed would take the place of her current blue ones, they were a peculiar golden color, like that of butterscotch and honey. And I saw her, arm in arm with a rigid, blonde vampire, and surrounded by others who I had never seen in all of my existence of roaming the planet. A vampire she was, and she looked happy, but why wasn’t I there with her?

The vision ended just as suddenly as it had come, and Mary turned slightly in her sleep, her body shifting to face the heat radiating from my skin. I didn’t have any more time to ponder, however, because at that moment I sensed James coming nearer at an alarming pace. Quickly, I stole one last glance at Mary as I knew her, sleeping peacefully, so entirely human, her heart beating steadily in her tiny frame. I took a deep breath, and then sank my teeth into her wrist.

With her warm, delicious blood just starting to pool into my mouth, I was suddenly wrenched backwards. It was James. He yelled out angrily as he realized what I had done. He was not about to let me get what I wanted, though, and he raised his fists to snap her neck. But I didn’t give him the chance. I tackled him away, just as Mary awoke, screaming as my venom pulsed through her veins. The sound broke my heart into pieces, knowing that she was in pain and I was the cause of it, but I didn’t even have the luxury to be at her side and help her through it. Quickly, I phased into my hybrid form. I attacked James, our granite skins colliding like two boulders, and ripped into him with my strong fangs. I kicked him so hard that he flew backwards out of the window. Then I turned, picked up Mary in my arms, and leapt out of the hole in the wall. An asylum was no place for a newborn vampire. But I could only get her a few miles away, into the woods, before James was on our trail again. I stashed Mary’s body inside a well hidden cave, lest the tracker vampire should get away from me for even an instant, and then turned and ran back to face my enemy.

When James realized what I was, and what I was capable of, he ran. But I was always within range to mimic his power, and I never lost him. I chased him all the way to the east coast before he turned to face me.

We fought. That much I know. But I cannot tell you how it ended, for it is a mystery even to me.

What I can tell you is that I awoke at the bottom of the ocean, vampire-form once more, with no more memory of the battle than I have now. I had fresh scars then; scars that have since healed over but still mar the smooth, statuesque planes of my torso, neck, and arms. Confused, I pushed off of the sand and resurfaced in the middle of the ocean in the dead of night. I watched the setting of the moon and then swam feverishly east. I pulled myself ashore on the coast of Virginia. It hadn’t occurred to me that much time had passed, until I noticed various new things. Cars were not how I remembered them, for one. The fashions were different. I was confused. I picked up a discarded newspaper, and the date hit me like a sledgehammer to the stomach. My knees actually gave out. When I had last read the paper, it was 1920. But the date on this paper said that it was October 13th, 1933.

I had never known a vampire to ever lose consciousness, let alone have no memory of an entire piece of time after they had been changed. It was beyond my comprehension. Immediately I took to the woods. I phased into my wolf form and ran for Mississippi. It took me a while, but finally I located the place where I had left Mary. Her scent was faint with the years that had passed; her body was not there, nor was it anywhere in those woods. I phased back into my vampire form and returned to the asylum. I told the orderly, who was new since my time there, that I was trying to locate a family member. He said that Mary Alice Brandon had broken out of her solitary room somehow, and had never been seen since. Some reports came back to them that her body was found, cold and lifeless, out in the surrounding woods, but when a search was conducted, the body was not where it was said to have been. Refusing to believe that Mary was indeed dead, I searched every cemetery in the area until finally I found it.

The stone itself was plain, the engraving simple. “Mary Alice Brandon.” Just her name. No words of love or an inscription from her parents or sister. The initial sight of it brought a feeling of desolation to me, but then I noticed the dates. “February 22nd, 1901 – October 30th, 1917.” Her death date was the day that she had been committed to the asylum. I was infuriated with her parents, who didn’t give a damn about her, but at the same time, I was instilled with a bit of hope. Her body, to my knowledge, has never been found. And believe me, I’ve checked. I searched the entire state of Mississippi before I had satisfied myself that if indeed Mary had perished, it was not in this state. If her body had never been found, then perhaps she had been changed after all. Perhaps she still lived on. Maybe, one day, I would be reunited with my other half.

That hope was small, however, and it was only enough to last me until the turn of the next century. By 2000, I had exhausted my efforts, and my emotions on the hope of finding Mary again. Sinking into a dark and desolate depression, I returned to Volterra. I begged Aro to end my life, that I had no wish to live anymore. He refused immediately, and wouldn’t even take time to talk it over with Marcus and Caius. He was still convinced that one day my will would cave and I would join his guard. He said that if I tried to force his hand, he still would not grant me death. My situation then even more hopeless, I wandered east across the earth. I walked straight across America until I finally stepped off some cliffs in California and fell into the waters below. I returned once more to the ocean, for it was the only place I had ever known blissful, ignorant peace. I let myself sink to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, and, with no lights, scents, or sounds to bother me, I fell into the deep, dead sleep that one such as myself can only ever experience when there is nothing to stimulate his senses.

I was content to wallow in my depression forever. After all, what was the point of going on? The center of my universe was gone. I was nothing more than a desolate, lifeless planet that turned slowly around some great emptiness where a sun used to be. Without Mary, my life had no meaning, no purpose. The core of my existence was gone.

What reason did I have for anything anymore?





It was not my choice to resurface. The wild currents of the Pacific Ocean caught me, and I awoke in on a beach. With every crash of the waves into shore, I was pushed further and further onto the sand, until eventually the surf no longer touched me. Could I not even choose to not exist? Was mother nature so cruel that she wouldn’t even allowed me that much liberty with my life?

Angry, I got to my feet. And that’s when it hit me.

Her scent. Something so beautiful and enticing that my knees gave out from under me. It was vampire, but it was hers. There was not a doubt in my mind. I took to the trees and discretely followed the source. It led me to a girl about Mary’s age the last time I saw her. The girl was human, clumsy, but unique in her own way. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was so drawing about her, but there was definitely something. She had maintained the old scent of a whole coven of vampires, and I briefly wondered if Mary was with the group that I had foreseen her with so long ago.

Her scent was dated, but only by mere months, not decades. The smell of it, my freshest hit in more than half a century, almost made me jump the human girl and demand Mary’s whereabouts. Indeed the only thing that stopped me was the girl’s present company. She was standing with a boy who had a vaguely familiar edge to his scent. It took me minutes to realize that the scent reminded me of my mother. And once I realized that fact, the boy’s species became all too clear to me. I was amazed that I hadn’t realized it sooner.

And, seeing as how I had just waltzed out of the ocean, I’m sure it was a good thing that I didn’t rush her. But I had to wonder, who was this human girl who so bravely walked with vampires and newly created werewolves, with not a scar to show from it? This thought kept me occupied as I collected myself. I acclimated myself to all the new technologies of the world. So much had changed in seven years. After watching what the kids these days wore, I acquired some simple clothing, bathed in some unsuspecting homes, and cut my long hair back down to the unruly mess it had been centuries earlier.

I waited patiently for a time when the girl was without her werewolf companion. While I waited, I searched the town of Forks, Washington. Mary’s scent was all over. I noticed a wide line between the Quileute reservation and the rest of Forks. The werewolf and vampire scent never crossed this line. Was this some sort of treaty? Since when did the two sides work with each other?

I followed Mary’s scent to a large white house on the outskirts of town. There was no furniture inside, but the walls and carpet still held strong to her scent. The human’s scent was in this house as well. It was so peculiar. I had never known vampires to linger in one set place for any significant period of time, yet this coven that Mary was with had to have lived in this house for at least two years before they left. It pained my heart to know that I had missed her only by months.

And so I resolved to ask this girl if she knew where I could find Mary. The human’s father was the chief of police for the tiny town, and he often worked late. The girl returned early from the Native American reservation, and walked into her house. I emerged from the trees and moved silently over the ground up to her doorstep. Would she recognize me for what I was, being that she seemed to spend so much time with immortals? But surely she never would have seen anything like me before. I took a pair of darkly tinted aviator sunglasses from the pocket of my dark jeans and put them on. No need to overwhelm her with my eyes just yet. Though I wore boots, they made no noise as I stepped onto the porch. My plain black t-shirt was fitted to my torso snugly, due to the rain. I had no jacket, for I didn’t need one.

With a deep breath, I knocked on the door. I heard her call that she was coming, and I shoved my hands into my pockets. I hadn’t had much human interaction this passed century. I hoped that I wasn’t too terribly formal.

The girl, who’s name I knew, from days spent watching her, to be Bella, opened the door, and her deep brown eyes widened with shock as she took in my appearance. Surely I didn’t look that strange for a teenage boy today? So perhaps she did recognize me, or at least, the vampire part of me.

I smiled gently at her. “Hello. My name is Logan. I was wondering if you could help me with something? You see, I’m trying to find someone. She’s a dear friend of mine. Her name is Mary. Mary Alice Brandon. I’ve been trying to track her down for…a long time, but I always seem to just miss her. I thought perhaps you might know her?”

Maybe this is forever.
Forever fades away;
Like a rocket ascending into space.
Could you not be sad?
Could you not break down?
After all, I won't let go
'Till you're safe and sound.
There's beauty in release.
There's no one left to please but you and me.

I don't blame you for quitting.
I know you really tried.
If only you could hang on through the night,
Cause I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to be scared.

Until you're safe and sound...

Feel like I was a stranger.
Feel like I was an angel.
Feel like I was a hero.
Feel like I was a zero.
Feel like I could've loved you.
Feel like I really loved you...
Feel like I could've saved you...

[Leihya_Tearfall]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

You can see it's a clean break. That's good. It will heal more easily, more quickly.

No. It would never heal and nothing would ever repair the damage that had been done. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that love, life, meaning... all of it was over.

I had to follow him. I had to escape from the nightmare, the hell that was slowly conforming around my existence. Why? Why would he leave me, not... want me anymore... I couldn't let it be the end. I didn’t understand. Maybe he realized that I was just Isabella Swan, nothing special, no one that was worth his time. No, I had to follow him. I needed him. Didn't Edward...didn't he understand that I needed him? Or was I truly not good enough for him?

Try as I might, I followed his trail. At least... I followed the trail I thought he had left. The leaves had stopped moving as soon as I noticed them and I forced myself... no I willed myself forward - my deadened legs screaming in protest. Only it was to no avail. Yet I kept running, I held onto that small strand of hope - the belief that he wouldn't just leave me, the belief that he did love me. Time eventually made no sense as I pushed through the thick undergrowth. It felt as if hours were passing even though it was mere seconds - perhaps it felt that way duly because the forest was the same no matter how far I traveled. Of course I soon began to fret that I was traveling in a mere circle, however small that circle may be, it was still a circle. No, I had to push that thought to the back of my mind... just like all the others. I stumbled a lot, and the darker it grew I fell just as often - eventually I tripped over something and it was too dark to tell exactly what that something was. This time I stayed down. The ground was cold and wet, uncomfortable to say the least, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. Eventually I had to roll onto my side so that I could allow myself to breathe, my arms wrapped tightly around my chest in an effort to hold the pain stationary that had yet to come. I was utterly numb...

As I lay there I had a feeling that more time was passing than I realized, and I was in the blackness that engulfed the forest around me for a long time before I heard someone was calling for me. They were shouting my name, though it was muffled - muted - by the surrounding wet overgrowth, yet it was definitely my name. Only, I didn't recognize the voice and I had thought about answering; but I was too dazed, too numb. It took me some time to come to the conclusion that I should answer; by that time the shouting had ceased.

Again, time escaped me. I awoke to the rain filtering through the canopy above. It was cold, and I don't think I was asleep - perhaps lost in my own subconscious - clutching tightly to the numbness with all the strength I could muster. It kept me from coming to the realization of what I didn't want to know, that this was... the end. That he was never coming back. It was then the calling came again, multiple voices calling out to me at once. I knew I should answer, but would they hear my voice? Would I be loud enough? As I began to ponder my response a strange noise came to me for the first time. It was alarmingly close and I wasn't sure exactly what the noise was, or even if I should really be afraid seeing as the numbness encased my very being, holding me together much like a weak adhesive. It sounded very much like snuffling, and in time it didn't matter the noise ceased. The rain continued long after the voices and the snuffling had come to an end. It began to pool around my face and slowly as I began to muster the strength to pull my sallow features from the water and turn my head the opposite way, a dim glow began to form. It was faint at first, casting from the bushes off in the distance; yet as it grew brighter I could easily decipher that was a propane lantern - the brightness caught me off guard, momentarily blinding me.

"Bella."

I didn't recognize the voice, it was very deep and unfamiliar - but he obviously knew who I was. His voice was full of recognition as he called my name. It wasn't a call of question; instead he was acknowledging that I was found.

"Have you been hurt?"

Those words, they meant something, yet I could only stare in utter bewilderment as he spoke them. Did he know? Did this stranger know the pain that now writhed inside, the pain that Edward left me with? Oh what did it matter at this point...

"Bella, my name is Sam Uley."

Sam? Sam Uley? There was no familiarity in his name. Nothing about him struck home.

"Charlie sent me to look for you."

Charlie? I knew that name. This time as Sam spoke I tried very hard to pay attention to what he was saying. Charlie mattered, that was if nothing else did. Sam offered out a hand to me, as I slowly appraised it unsure of what the meaning was for such a gesture. Yet before I knew up from down he had swept me into his arms. Quickly he carried me through the forest with ease, as if I was nothing more than a doll - not that I weighed much to begin with - and all I could do was merely lay there in his arms limply. There was a part of me that knew such an action should upset me, after all being carried away in the forest by a complete stranger was an excellent reason to be mad... only there was nothing left in me to upset. It didn't seem too terribly long before we broke through the thick foliage and there in the distance a small group of bickering men could be seen, Sam's voice booming above the rest. "I've got her!". The bickering had ceased for only a moment before it picked up with more intensity. I could hear the worry, the relief as well as the anger in some voices. Yet in all the chaos Sam's voice was the only one that made sense, it was my clarity in this dark time - maybe that was strictly due to my ear being snug against his chest.

"No, I don't think she's hurt," I could hear him begin to tell someone. "She just keeps saying, 'He's gone.'" Was I really saying that out loud? I hardly remembered, though it didn't matter. Not anymore. It was the truth after all. Edward was gone. "Bella, honey, are you all right?" I would recognize that voice anywhere. Charlie Yet I couldn't seem to find my voice, to make it loud enough. I felt so very weak, frail ... broken. Before I knew what was happening I could feel Charlie stagger under my weight as my senses were enveloped with the smell from his leather jacket. I wanted to tell him to put me down, to let me walk; but I just couldn't find my voice. So instead he carried my slowly to the house, Sam holding the door open for him as he crossed the thresh-hold with my limp body. Everything was a blur past this point. Physically there was nothing wrong with me; but emotionally, mentally everything was wrong. The sudden realization finally hit me as I fled to my room. Everything, anything that would remind me of him - it was all gone.

It will be as if I'd never existed.

Why? Why in the hell did he have to promise that?! I wanted him to exist! I wanted him in my life, holding me and telling me that he loved me! NOT that he didn't want me. I could feel the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands followed in suit, until finally the skin of my cheek came to a rest upon the cool surface. I really had hoped I was fainting, but I didn't. In fact I did not lose consciousness. No, it was the waves of pain that had been held back, that were merely licking at the surface of my subconscious until now. Now they reared high above my mind and quickly I was pulled under, never to resurface.


October … November … December … January


"THAT'S IT, Bella! I'm sending you home!
This is where it all began, where I slowly began to resurface, though the pain had encased my mind and engulfed me. It seemed impossible for time to pass, for wounds to heal. Yet, it did pass. It was uneven at first - but it passed nonetheless. The wound though, it never healed. No rather the numbness over took my body keeping me from feeling the serrated edges of the hole that Edward had left behind. He had taken a part of me, perhaps the most vital part when he left, and sadly I was no longer Isabella Swan. More or less I was a lifeless void of the woman I used to be. Charlie had, well he had enough of my zombie like state. I hardly realized how lifeless I had become over the past few months and Charlie was at a loss for what to do. So in his mind there was perhaps one person left to help me. Of course the idea was out of the question! I was not leaving, and there was no way he could make me. I could handle it – no I would handle it!

Growing tired of the conversation I quickly gathered my things, "I have to get to school.". I tossed my bowl into the sink not even bothering to wash it and flung my backpack over my shoulder. "I'll make plans with Jessica." I called over my shoulder, hardly wishing to stand anymore conversation with my father. "Maybe I won't be home for dinner. We'll go to Port Angeles and watch a movie." I gave Charlie no time to react as I stormed out the door and made my way to school. Of course it took more than what I would have expected to coax Jessica into attending the movie with me, which made me question exactly how mechanical I truly was over the last few months. Yet, reluctantly Jessica agreed to go with me to Port Angeles, and together we decided on the newest Zombie flick versus the romance that was number one in the box office.

The movie was over all too soon as we decided to grab a bite to eat. Without thinking we had begun to walk down a darkened strip of Port Angeles toward the bright beckoning golden arches of the McDonalds that Jessica was clearly heading for.

A strong sense of déjà vu washed over me as I looked over at four men standing outside what appeared to be a bar. I assumed such from the various neon signs that were advertisements for brands of beer. Only this night was so different. It was a different road, a different night, but the scene was so very familiar. Hell one of them was even short and dark. I couldn't help myself as I stopped and turned my body toward them, the one that stuck out among the rest had looked up in interest. I could hear Jess' worried response as I merely shook my head, not even sure of myself. "I... I think I know them." What was I doing? I should be running away, blocking the image, the memory from my already fragile mind - protecting myself with the numbness that I couldn't function without. Why was I stepping toward them? Again Jessica called after me, her voice cracking with panic. I ignored her proceeding to walk forward, though the conscious decision to move toward the men was never actually made on my part. It was perhaps the idea of the threat these men posed to me that drew me toward them. A senseless impulse ... but I hadn't felt any kind of impulse in such a long time, so I followed it.

"Bella, stop this right now!"

My muscles locked into place as I froze exactly where I stood. It wasn't Jessica's voice this time that caused me to second guess my idiotic decision to move forward. No. It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice - soft like velvet even though it was irate. It was his voice. Of course I was exceptionally careful not to think his name, for the fear it would knock me into nothing once again. I was utterly surprised the voice in its own did not take me under. Yet there was no pain. None at all. Peculiar.

In the instant that his voice rang through my mind, everything became clear. It was as if I was surfacing from some dark pool, a prison my mind had created. I was more aware of everything - sight, sound, smells. There was even cold air blowing against my sallow complexion that I had not even noticed before. "Go back to Jessica." Anger still riddled his tones, though the voice was so lovely, so... addicting. "You promised - nothing stupid." I was dazed, I didn't know what to do and slowly the voice began to fade. To disappear, as if the volume was being turned down on a radio dial. "Keep your promise. Was I hallucinating? Well surely if I was this was not something I would readily share with another person. So rather, my reaction even surprised me. I was relieved; relieved to know that the fabricated evidence of his beautiful velvet like voice cared - though I waited for the pain to return. I was no longer numb and my senses felt unusually intense after so many months of the haze I was suffocating under. Yet the pain held off, and only ache of disappointment remained as his voice began to slowly fade. Of course now would be the time to turn around, to run from the potentially dangerous situation - yet I wanted the danger, I wanted his voice - so in turn I was initially encouraging the hallucinations. I took another step forward. "Bella, turn around."

It was beautiful. I couldn't help but to sigh in relief as I came to the realization he was still with me, no matter the reality. Whatever it was that had happened, whether it was the adrenaline, the movie or the hallucination - I slowly began to resurface. I didn't know what to expect.


It was the next day that Mike suggested I take the day off. Reluctantly I agreed leaving the store behind me. Of course I took as many side roads and or back routes that I could, in an attempt to prolong my return home. I expected the pain to return, though I had hoped that the 'experience' with my hallucination would have kept it at bay longer than a day. I had to pull over, my breathing was near impossible as the hole was ripped wide open. I hoped, I prayed that one day I would be able to withstand the pain well enough to look back on those precious months he had given me - to be grateful for such a thing. I wanted to be able to experience the best months of my life again, rather than to crumple over broken and anguished. I would never forget Edward Cullen, and that pained me beyond recognition. What a stupid promise for him to make. As if I could forget him? As if he would never exist in my world! That was a promise that was broken from the beginning! It made me feel silly for even worrying about my promise. What logic was there to keep a promise when the other side was broken from the get go? Who cared if I was reckless and stupid? There was no reason for me not to be such. Reckless in Forks - there was an impossibility. Alas the dark humor distracted me. It allowed me to gather my broken pieces and breathe again for a short time. I cut the engine to my truck and stepped outside. The cold drizzle on my face was refreshing and it helped to slightly clear my mind, allowing me to take in my surroundings and take note of Markses house across the way.

FOR SALE, AS IS


Coincidence? I mused in my mind staring across the way to the two dilapidated motorcycles that were merely rusting away in their front yard. Apparently there were all kinds of ways to be reckless in Forks, and I had merely been overlooking the most obvious of them. Without hesitation I made my way to the front door, knocking. Much to my relief one of the Marks boys opened the door, the younger of them, the freshman. Of course he had no trouble remembering my name. There was mild conversation between us, before I left with the two motorcycles. Though when I had the idea in mind I was only planning on one. I had thought of taking them to Dowling's but the younger boy merely scoffed at that idea. Of course it was silly; he would have charged entirely too much, more than they were worth. Suddenly... it hit me. I knew someone, someone who could easily keep a secret - someone who would be willing to help me.Jacob Black.

I rushed home to call Charlie, more so for directions to the Black's residence before dashing from the house once more making my way to La Push. I could hear the excitement in Charlie's voice as I explained where I was going and there were no questions asked.

The Black's house was vaguely familiar as I pulled up. I was in such a hurry that I managed to partially fall from my truck before meeting Jacob halfway between his house and my truck. "Bella!" I was slightly shocked, Jacob had grown so much since I had last seen him at Prom, and yet he was so very beautiful in his own way. There was hardly a need for explanation as Jacob readily agreed to help me with my mission, and as payment I offered him the old Harley Sprint and we agreed to hold an 'after party' for our birthdays.

Over the next few month's Jacob and I worked religiously on the motorcycles - or rather he did and I merely bought the parts. It was all too soon before they were finished and we were out being reckless. Being myself I managed to go to the ER more times than I rode the bike, and soon as with everything else the hallucinations that I craved so very much began to fade. I was getting much better on the bike and I was slowly losing hope, though being with Jacob eased the pain far more than I would have ever expected. It wasn't long after I remembered the meadow, and in a hope to rekindle another hallucination or even a memory of the man I loved I suggested the idea to Jacob. He agreed readily and we began to spend most of our days hiking. Of course there was always a need for break from the current activity, and Mike had been harassing me for a 'date' so to speak - whether it was as friends or as a couple. I preferred the friends more, thus I suggested an array of people join. Sadly a majority of people backed out at the last minute. Though many were excited I was slowly returning to my normal self, the Bella they remembered a year ago - a flu virus seemed to be taking over. In the end it was Jacob, Mike and I that went to Port Angeles. We had to leave early, though the movie was excellent - Jacob and I spent most of it laughing - Mike seemed to be coming down with the virus as well. By the time we reached the house I had already taken Mike home in his Suburban, leaving Jacob and I alone in the Rabbit.

I sat in the car with Jacob for a few minutes as he began to explain that he was feeling 'strange'. Not necessarily that he was sick, but not right all in the same. I touched his forehead gently and his temperature was increasing as well as alarmingly hot. I couldn't believe he was still coherent. He took away my focus from himself as he assured me he would be fine before I made him promise to call me when he returned home. It was then I realized that I was becoming too deep with Jacob. Even more, I had never meant to love him. Yet I needed Jacob now, I needed him like a drug; duly because he had been my crutch to stand on for so very long. Without him I was afraid of what would happen to me, I was afraid of the pain creeping over me once more. He was after all my best friend, and I would always love him though it would never... ever be enough.

It was over the next few weeks I began to realize just how much I needed Jake. My whole world began to slowly fall apart and worry as well as pain began to take over my very being. I was afraid that something had happened to him; that I wasn't getting straight answers and worst of all – did Jacob realize that I was nothing more than damaged goods? The thought made me cringe. Jacob didn't call and against my father’s wishes, I had to do something - I had to go out. I had to distract myself from the pain. I took my truck and began to drive, there was no final destination but I needed to go. It was then I realized I still had the compass as well as map from our current project; there they lie next to me on the seat. Ah what the hell, I figured that I had the process down well enough to not get lost and who knew - maybe I could eliminate one or two lines for whenever Jacob did decide to grace me with his presence. I don't exactly know how long I had been hiking for, before I broke through the meadow and reached my objective. It wasn't nearly as stunning as it was with the sunlight, but it was still beautiful and serene none the less. It was the same place ... only it didn't hold what I was searching for.

I remained there alone in the clearing for quite some time before he showed up. At first recognition spread through my mind like wild waves as Laurent approached. He was living proof that I was not imagining Edward or anything that had happened in the past year. Fear would have made more sense in a situation such as this, especially being that Laurent was a part of James' coven at the time the hunt ensued. All I felt was an overwhelming satisfaction, that proof (however remote) of Edward in the same world where I lived, he did exist. Laurent looked perhaps more astonished than I felt. His face was the most beautiful that I had seen in what felt like an eternity, and I proceeded to study his features with a sense of greed; taking in each and every thing about him. I realized that he looked the same as I remembered him, too much the same. I suppose I had begun to envision him with ocher orbs, a golden liquid swirling about as he looked over my frail and unprotected self. The last that I had heard he had moved on to try and live a vegetarian life with the Denali clan - only his orbs had not changed. They still bore the same deep crimson of when I first met him. It was then panic hit me. I knew this was the end, and that I was going to die. Yet that did not stop me from following the beautiful velvet orders that whispered so serenely in my mind. At least... at least Edward was there with me. I winced at the thought of his name. It was still ever so painful.

I began to prepare myself for death, and according to Laurent it would be quick and painless; a complete opposite of what Victoria had planned for me. Victoria? I could hardly believe that Laurent was sent here for her and that she still hunted me - that even though Edward abandoned me to die in this horrible town alone, I was never safe. She had always and would always be looking for me. Never resting until I was dead. It didn't matter if he had left me here though! I still loved him with every fiber of my being as I cringed away preparing for the spring, preparing for death. Edward, I love you.

To my amazement he stopped; his head whipping to the left abruptly as if he could not believe his eyes. What could be making him hesitate? Was it Victoria? But much to my surprise it was not, rather I finally understood what all those hikers had been claiming to see; being it was far from their descriptions. In fact, there was a distinctly canine shape cast to it... like a wolf. Laurent was backing away toward the edge of the tree's and under the freezing terror, confusion swept through me. Why was Laurent retreating? His eyes were wide with horror like mine, and as if in answer to my question, suddenly the creature was not alone. Flanking it on either side were another two, before two more followed, finally followed by the last which was a rusty brown in coloring. The five wolves formed a v formation, as the last one was only feet from me. It looked at me, acknowledging my presence with intelligent dark eyes – familiar eyes. Before I knew it they were all gone, as was Laurent. I could hardly move, rooted in place in shock as well as fear. When I finally could move I hardly cared where my feet took me as long as it was far from where I was at this very point in time. I fell a lot, but to my amazement after what seemed like an eternity of terror I broke through the tree line just a quarter of a mile above my truck, and before I knew any better I was flinging myself through the front door of my house, proceeding to lock the doors as if it would keep a monstrous being like that from breaking down the door. Though I highly doubted they followed me.



I woke up the next morning, my nightmares were perhaps worse that evening than they had ever been. I finally decided it was time to go see Jacob whether he wanted me to or not.



It was on that day that I could see the change in the Jacob I knew. My Jacob was a loving carefree and compassionate person. This Jacob, the one that was seemingly now a part of Sam Uley's cult was nothing more than a hostile anger filled beast. The two were nothing alike and it frightened me. When all was said and done, I returned home more hurt than anything. Was this not what had happened with Edward? Was Jacob abandoning me as well? Perhaps so, but I believed it was not his choice. Somewhere deep down inside I knew Jacob Black still cared, that he was still my best friend... or was I wrong? I wasn't sure when I woke up in the dark that night; if I'd just begun crying, or if my tears had run while I slept and simply continued now. I closed my eyes once more and prayed for a dreamless sleep, when I heard the noises that must have awoken me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high pitched squeal, like fingernails against glass.

I wanted to scream at first assuming it was Victoria that had come to take my life, only I stopped myself from doing just that. I didn’t want Charlie to come in and investigate and I hoped that she would stop with me – that her hunger for revenge would be satiated. "Bella! Ouch! Damn it, open the window! OUCH!" Only to my surprise a familiar face was outside and quickly I opened the window. "What are you doing?" I managed to hiss as I watched Jacob precariously cling to the tree outside my window. His weight of course had bowed the tree toward the house and now he swung dangling twenty feet above the ground. "I'm trying to keep my promise!" Of course I was confused, I never remembered Jacob promising to fall from Charlie's tree before. Shortly Jacob was in my room, and I was utterly startled by the amount of grace the overgrown teenager seemed to have acquired since the last time I had actually been around him. From my memory he was if not just as clumsy as me... strange.

Jacob began to explain his reasoning behind the visit. At the time I didn't care, I was furious from the day prior as well as exhaustion was washing over me and I could hardly stay awake as he hinted toward something - something that would have been oh so simple if it wasn't for the fact of my exhaustion. Once Jacob felt he had given everything he could without giving anything away he was gone. It was all just one big riddle and I was entirely too frustrated to think straight. I had pressed that he use the door rather than jump out my window. His face protested slightly, but he did nevertheless. It was not long after that I fell into a deep slumber, and it was not a nightmare that visited me this evening, no rather it was a dream I had nearly a year ago. The dream brought about the reality of the situation and I understood everything. I understood the old Quilete legends, the story that Jacob had hardly believed himself. Jacob was a werewolf.



The rest of the week had played out smoothly, and the pain that had resurfaced began to subside once more. Of course I had spent most of my time at the reservation where I could easily be protected from Victoria’s grasp, but today I had come home early. It was the beginning of spring break once again, and I couldn't help but to dwell on the irony of it all. After all wasn't it just last spring break I was being hunted by a vampire, and again it was like déjà vu. I rolled my eyes slightly as I began to cook dinner, feeling rather bad for neglecting my household duties for the period of time I was a lifeless void. Only a visitor at the door caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting anyone, and Charlie was supposed to be working late. Moving across the small kitchen I made my way to the front door opening it.

My first initial reaction was to scream, slam the door and run. It was clearly evident that he was a vampire, his striking beauty a dead giveaway; and surely if I were to look closer I would easily distinguish the cold granite skin. I was not about to look that close. Only I was rooted, frozen, preparing for the attack; preparing for him to take my life - when instead he spoke. "Hello. My name is Logan. I was wondering if you could help me with something? You see, I’m trying to find someone. She’s a dear friend of mine. Her name is Mary. Mary Alice Brandon. I’ve been trying to track her down for…a long time, but I always seem to just miss her. I thought perhaps you might know her?” I was confused at first as a sensation that was long gone from my body began to filter through - hope. The males name at first did not ring a bell, yet Alice did. I tried hard to find my voice, and when I did it was weak and rather quiet - startling myself even as I spoke. "Alice?' I questioned, the name bringing forth the pain I had worked ever so hard to bury, the hole that was ever prominent began to burn with a vengeance. "I know an Alice, but they moved. I don’t know if it would be the person you are looking for though…" They moved, and they left me behind...

I couldn’t help but to gently wrap my arms around my ribs as I tried hard not to think about them. I clutched to what sanity I had left, begging for the pain not to sweep me under. Not now. Not today.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

ισgαи αρσιισ мcgσωαи

It seemed that my simple inquiry had evoked a much more emotional response than I had anticipated. Immediately Bella’s face fell, her eyes deadened, her body seemed to crumple before my eyes as she wrapped her arms around her ribs, as if in effort to physically keep herself together.

It made sense, suddenly. In my time watching her, it seemed that she was confiding in the werewolf. She only ever seemed happy around him. When she was on her own, or at school (another place that held faint scents of Mary and her coven), she seemed sullen, desperately seeking a distraction. With the door of her home now open, a male vampire scent, though dated, flooded out into my nostrils. I started to put it together. This human seemed to be very close with this coven, with one of the males in particular. But they had obviously left for some reason, and did not take this human with them. If she was not food, then the boy must have been in love with her. But then, why had he left her behind? And this girl seemed to recognize Mary, but she referred to her as Alice. Had she changed her name?

But this girl in front of me now did not look well, and I was momentarily distracted. Furrowing my brow, I took my hands out of my pockets and took a step forward. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I assure you I meant no harm. It’s just…I’ve been trying to find Mary for a long time. Perhaps this Alice is the same. She is very small and petite. She moves like a dancer.”

I would have gone on, if not for a familiar, and yet strange scent meeting my nose. I turned my head abruptly, my eyes searching for the werewolf. And then I saw him running towards his, shirtless, wearing only ripped shorts. His feet were bare. I backed away from Bella as the werewolf I’d come to know as Jacob approached us. His dark eyes were glued to me, his jaw set, his movements swift and yet wary, like he was here only for business. He stopped a few feet away from me, his fists balled. I turned halfway, so that I faced him and the girl at the same time.

“Get away from her, bloodsucker.”

“I’m not here for blood, Jacob. I’m simply asking her a question.”

“Are you a Cullen?” The human girl flinched at the last word.

“I’m sorry?”

“Are you part of the vampire coven that used to live here? The Cullens?” Again, Bella flinched. So she was not unaware of the secrets of the immortals around her. The young wolf seemed to notice this time, and I saw a flash of regret in his eyes before they returned, cold and angry, to me.

“I’m not. But I think I am looking for one.”

“They’re gone. They left months ago. And now you’re going to leave too, or else.”

Though I understand his need as part of a pack to protect his lands, I did not take kindly to being threatened. I took my sunglasses off and revealed by entirely obsidian eyes to the pup. His eyes widened with shock, his official aura lost as he stared. “Or else what, youngling?” Though my eyes were hard, my tone was polite.

My etiquette seemed only to frustrate him further. “Or else I’ll have my pack up here and we’ll take care of you ourselves.”

“I noticed the borders.”

It seemed the fact that I had done my homework only made him bristle further. “Our treaty only applies to the Cullens. Since they aren’t here, Forks is ours as well as the reservation. If my alpha knew you were here-”

I interrupted. “By all means, alert him of my arrival. Or I can do so myself, as soon as I phase.”

These seemed to stump him. “As soon…as you…what? But…you’re a vampire.”

I sighed. “While I cannot deny that, it is not the entire truth either. Another reason I request a meeting with your alpha. Feel my body heat. Look in my eyes. Watch me phase. You will know that I am more than what I seem.”

He seemed to consider this for a moment. Then he nodded. “Come with me. I’ll tell Sam you’re coming once we’re in the trees. I swear, if you try anything…”

“I’m not interested in violence, Jacob. As I said, I’m simply trying to find someone.” My voice was sincere.

Jacob seemed satisfied enough, though more wary now that I had twice used his name without him having introduced himself. He jerked his head towards the woods behind Bella’s house, as if not prepared to let me walk behind him, when suddenly the girl in question spoke up. Her voice was a bit far away, but, as I faced her fully, her eyes burned with some unknown curiosity.

“I’m coming too.” She looked only at me.

Jacob looked curious. “This is pack business, Bells.”

“He came to my house, Jake. I want to talk to him.”

The werewolf sighed. “We’d move much faster without you, Bella.”

She still did not look at him. Her eyes were glued to me. “Then I’ll drive my truck and meet you at La Push.”

“Bella…” He sighed.

“I will come back, Bella, if only just to talk to you. I promise you that.” I looked her dead in the eye as I spoke these words. I could see her thought process play out on her face: she had been made promises by a vampire before, and all of them had been broken. Why should she trust me? But something on my face must have convinced her, for she nodded and stepped back.

Again Jacob, looking more frustrated now, motioned for me to follow him. I nodded once to Bella and then turned and walked off her porch. I walked towards the trees, Jacob walking slightly behind me, his eyes wary. Once in the safety of the trees, I started to shed my unneeded clothes. I removed my boots, socks, and was just placing my sunglasses atop my neatly folded shirt when Jake spoke up again.

“What’s your name?”

“Logan. Logan Apollo McGowan.”

I was not surprised to see that he did not recognize my name. It had fallen out of fame centuries ago, and now only vampires as old as the Volturi remembered the incident of my birth. When he saw that I was ready, he pushed off the tree was leaning on, and watched me expectantly, as if he was half convinced I wouldn’t be able to make the change.

He was wrong. It had been many years, but my wolf form came to me just as naturally as it had when I was young. I felt my jeans rip and tear as my body grew and changed into a shape they could not accommodate. The form was so natural to me, that the transition no longer caused me any pain, not even the slightest discomfort. Jacob watched me with a controlled expression, and then phased as well. We ran together towards the reservation. His mind was silent to me, and mine was silent to his. I had expected this. It would only be his alpha that I could commune with. We loped quickly and silently through the trees, and soon enough the old scent of vampires was left behind us, replaced by that of wolves.

There were others there at the border, waiting for us. They fell into line around Jacob and I. There was one on either one of our sides, and then two behind us. Another fell into line next to Jacob and in front of me, and I realized that they were surrounding me, as if I needed a guard to stop me from attacking. Rolling my eyes, we moved on until we came into a clearing. There waiting for us was a black wolf, like myself, only I was perhaps a bit larger in size. The guard broke off as we approached him, and fell back.

It took me but a moment to realize why this conversation wasn’t happening in human form. Jacob must have warned him that I was not normal. Neither vampire nor wolf. Something in between. This alpha wanted to be prepared, with his entire pack around him in their strongest forms.

“Logan Apollo?”

I nodded.

“My name is Sam Uley.”

“Hello, Sam.”

“I would appreciate an explanation, if you don’t mind.”

“What would you like to know?”

“Everything. What you are. Why you’re here.”

And so I told him. I recounted my creation to him, told him of my nature, told him that, to my knowledge, I was the only one of my kind, told him that I did not hunt humans, and they had long ago lost their power over me. I told him how I had imprinted on Mary Alice Brandon, and how she was taken from me. I relived my endless decades of wandering, and then finding meaning, only to have it lost to me once more. I told him of how I sought to end my life, but that right was refused to me, and so I was content to lay down and pretend not to exist. And then I explained of how I had found Mary’s scent once more, and now I was indebted once more to searching her out. He listened to my story patiently and with interest. He never once interrupted, and stayed silent for a few minutes after I had finished. I did not take my eyes from him as he considered my words thoughtfully. If I hadn’t of known better, I would have thought he’d fallen asleep, but then he lifted his head and exhaled deeply.

“So you went to see Bella Swan today because you are looking for this vampire, who is possibly one of the Cullens?”

I nodded once.

“You must forgive our alarm. Ever since the Cullens left, there has been an unknown female vampire hunting Bella. When Jacob saw you at her door, he assumed that you were working with her and immediately started jumping to conclusions.”

“Understandable, of course.”

“How long do you intend to stay here, Logan?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. The only reason I came here in the first place was because I was following Mary’s scent. But she is here no longer. Perhaps I may just stay long enough to get my bearings, and get as much information about her as I possibly can. And then…I suppose I’ll go looking for her again.”

“Still you feel indebted to her, after all of these years?”

“What else do I have left? You will understand one day, Sam, when you have imprinted as well.”

He was silent for a moment, deeply silent, and I wondered if perhaps he had imprinted. Did he feel the pull towards someone? The gravitational force? Did he now merely exist for someone else? Did he grasp what it felt like?

“Very well. You can stay as long as you wish. But perhaps, in your time here, you could help me and my pack? Because of your…condition, perhaps you can aid us in the hunting of this vampire? Some of my pack are quite new, and they don’t really understand vampiric ways. If you’d like, we can even give you a bed on the reservation.”

I nodded. “That is kind of you, Sam, but consider me your round-the-clock insurance policy. I don’t sleep. If this vampire hunts Bella, I will surely do what I can to aid your fight against her.”

“I appreciate that. We are having a council meeting tomorrow night. I expect your attendance.”

“You will have it. Now, can I please go talk to Bella?”

“Just one more thing. Since you are not a Cullen, you don’t have a problem with our continued presence beyond the treaty lines?”

“I, personally, do not, no.” I wondered if I should have said the opposite. If Mary was here and had made a treaty with these wolves for a reason, was I doing the right thing by letting them disobey the rules?

Sam nodded his dismissal, and then turned to face his pack. I could not hear these words, as he was no longer talking to me, but it seemed to be an order of dismissal for them as well, and they all turned with him and followed him deeper into the forest.

I turned and ran back the way I had come, towards Bella’s house. Was she in any better a state now to help me? How much could she tell me about Mary? I phased back into my vampire form when I approached the edge of the woods behind the human’s house, and replaced my shirt, socks, and boots. My jeans were torn and ripped from the knee down. If I were going to be helping Sam and phasing often, I would have to invest in some shorts.

I rounded the front of the house, and Bella was there, sitting on the front porch. At my arrival, she jumped to her feet, but made no sound. I followed her silently into her house, and we had barely made it into the kitchen when she turned on me.

“Alright. You’re not a vampire, but you can’t be a werewolf. Who are you? Why are you looking for Alice?”

And so I explained my story for a second time. I saw no harm in confiding in this girl. She seemed well surrounded by the creatures she had probably always knew to be no more than myth. Like Sam, she listened patiently and did not interrupt. When I described Mary, her eyes flashed with recognition, and then again when I spoke of James. When I finished, I decided it was her turn for the spotlight.

“What about you, Bella? How do you know about this world? Have you met Mary? Did you know her? Where is she now?”

Maybe this is forever.
Forever fades away;
Like a rocket ascending into space.
Could you not be sad?
Could you not break down?
After all, I won't let go
'Till you're safe and sound.
There's beauty in release.
There's no one left to please but you and me.

I don't blame you for quitting.
I know you really tried.
If only you could hang on through the night,
Cause I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to be scared.

Until you're safe and sound...

Feel like I was a stranger.
Feel like I was an angel.
Feel like I was a hero.
Feel like I was a zero.
Feel like I could've loved you.
Feel like I really loved you...
Feel like I could've saved you...

[Leihya_Tearfall]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

The wait was utterly excruciating as I sat on the cold cement of my front porch. The weather was decent for a day in Forks, but it was still wet all the same. A gentle sprinkle was falling down around my petite form and I shuddered from the cool sensation the water presented on my skin. As of late I was noticing much more in the world around me. I suppose I had Jacob to thank for that. There were times where I contemplated going to La Push even against Jacob’s wishes and Logan’s promise to return with answers – but I waited against my own curiosity. Occasionally I would move from the porch and sit inside my ancient truck with both hands on the steering wheel. Was it safe to have such feelings? Feelings of relief, though they were laced with the anguish that seemed to make the hole ever more prominent. I had begun to believe I was handling the pain better, that I was learning to overcome it. Rather I was merely burying it deeper and causing the reaction to be all the more painful when they were mentioned. I suppose the relief came with the feeling of knowing that I had not imagined the world I had come to love, come to yearn for. Rather I knew that they did exist in the same world as I did and just maybe they too would realize that. Slowly I took in a labored breath, it was hard to breathe when you did not have lungs – and that was the feeling I had at the moment.

I had just moved from my truck back to the cold cement when he rounded the corner. It was hard to be afraid when I looked at him, though I had every reason to be. For all I knew he was someone that Victoria had sent; someone who had found a break in the pack’s efforts to keep me safe. Yet here I sat, welcoming him with an inquisitive gaze. There were so many questions that flowed through my mind, and yet there was hardly time to ask any of them – Charlie would be home soon enough as it was getting later in the day. I could of course always tell Charlie that I made a new friend, that Jacob introduced me to an old acquaintance or that some strange man merely showed up on the door asking questions. Either way I was positive that Charlie would too see the striking similarities between Logan and the Cullens. The man that now rounded the corner and stood before me had the same statuesque features, he carried with him the same graceful movements as the rest of them, he spoke with an eloquence unmatched by any in our time – he was entirely too beautiful, painfully so. I winced slightly as I looked over every minor detail, drinking in his presence. Logan seemed to be my one and only link to the Cullens now, not only for the sheer fact he looked so much like them; with exceptions of course, but also for the fact he too had a bond with Alice – at least I assumed it was Alice.

Before Jacob had arrived he began to describe her to me. The woman he sought after moved like a dancer, she was very small and petite. Those features of course matched up. I stood up quickly, nearly knocking myself off balance as I did so and proceeded to lead the man into my home. Again, I should be afraid as I could have just welcomed death through my threshold. Yet I wasn’t. I led Logan into the kitchen where I immediately turned around, if I were going to be the one to help him there were some questions that I had to have answered first – and perhaps he would help me…

”Alright. You’re not a vampire, but you can’t be a werewolf. Who are you? Why are you looking for Alice?”

I stood there in silence as Logan began to delve into his past. My once inquisitive eyes were now downcast as he touched upon the loss of Alice. It was amazing what love could do to a person, how easily it could break someone into nothing. I could very easily relate to the feeling of wanting to die, of wishing to no longer feel the pain. Only I could not bear to imagine suffering the loss of someone for so long – and eternity of never seeing their face again. Gently my brow furrowed as he continued on. It was a little hard at first to believe that such a cross between species could exist; but hadn’t I readily accepted Edward’s existence as well as Jacob’s? Surely this was no different and the idea came to me much easier than I ever would have expected. It was as if I now I knew that there was a cross between the best of both worlds - that the two very different people that I had come to love so much could co-exist. Whether they would or not was a completely different question as Jacob clearly expressed his dislike for ‘bloodsuckers’ every day and I highly doubted Edward would return at all if ever.

I had waited for Logan’s explanation to come to an end before he began to dish out a few questions of his own; it was after all only fair. Only the question was; how much could I reveal without the agony pulling me under once again? Was I ready to share the pain that I held captive for so long? Even when I spent my days with Jacob there was an unspoken understanding, I didn’t have to explain anything because he already knew. Taking a small breath my body turned away, as my arms clutched tightly around. I wasn’t exactly sure where to begin, but perhaps the beginning was the best. Slowly I began to explain to Logan about my coming to Forks, about when I first saw them. Unlike most humans I did not shy away, rather my curiosity peaked – as did Edwards. I explained to him how we were together, how he made me feel and what I was to him; or at least what I thought I was to him. I also began to explain to him of my encounter with James, and that Mary and Alice were the same. James had in turn shared with me on that fateful about the one other that managed to escape his clutches and that the Cullens had saved me though I was physically broken. I also showed Logan my scar, before leading him up to the point where Edward left me, where he abandoned me.

”I’m sorry. It’s painful to think about them, and even more to talk about them.” Slowly I turned back toward Logan, my eyes meeting his once more. ”I really can’t be much more help. Ed- I don’t know where they went. It’s like they never existed… My voice had broken as I began to speak his name and I had to make my way to the kitchen sink. Opening one of the cupboards above I retrieved a cup and filled it halfway with water before taking a long needed drink. Reluctantly I set the glass down on the counter and turned around, my hands gently gripping the rough granite as I let it become my support. I could feel my knee’s buckling and I hoped that it would go unnoticed, though I knew better. So rather I pushed the pain to the back of my mind and attempted to change the subject. ”I’m sorry about Jacob. He’s become very protective… outspoken too. He’s a lot different than before, but in the same regard he’s still the same. I guess everything that’s been happening is finally taking its toll on him.” I paused for a moment before directing a few more questions in his general direction – though I didn’t expect for him to answer them. ”Speaking of Jacob, did he take you to meet the rest of the pack?” I was slightly tentative of his response though in all reality I hoped to keep him here with me for as long as possible. I knew such a feat would be impossible, but the prolonged contact with him would only reassure my memory of Edward.

I pursed my lips before it finally hit me. Logan knew my name. How did he know my name though? Was this all a charade, a mere hoax to gain my trust? I found the idea hard to comprehend as his features were so warm and so very welcoming. None the less I side stepped from the counter putting a small amount of distance between us. ”How… how did you know my name? Have you been watching me?” I questioned, my voice was hesitant and slightly apalled; there was hardly any need for it to be such. I suppose the idea of being hunted put me on edge as did the idea of bringing my father closer to death each moment longer I stayed in Forks. Only, if this was a situation that would involve my impending doom; wouldn’t his voice ring ever so prominent in my mind? Wouldn't Edward be guiding me through? The sweet velvet voice that I yearned for each and every day? I shook my head lightly, my brunette hair cascading around my features as I did so.

I seemed to be losing my mind. Slowly but surely I was losing it.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

ισgαи αρσιισ мcgσωαи

I stood, still as a statue, and listened to her story with fevered interest. So Mary was now called Alice. And she lived on still, with this coven of vampires who were vegetarians. She didn’t drink the blood of humans. I had not turned her into a killer…at least…not entirely. My heart ached for her in such a way that I was sure that it were going to explode right there inside my chest. It had never felt such a terribly yearning for centuries. But, whoever this vampire family was, they had left. And, from Bella’s story, they had no intention of ever coming back. Though this was the closest I had ever come to finding Mary since she had been lost to me, in reality I was no closer to finding her than I had been a month ago. Compared to my other trails, this one was fresh, yes, but it led nowhere. I had checked. I had run in a spiral all around Forks, trying to pick up her scent. But it was no use. If there was one, the rain had washed it away. She lingered now only with things she had spent a lot of time around. I had no idea where to go from here. I didn’t know where the leader of this coven would take her.

Was I not better off in the bottom of the ocean, where my heart beat only with a dull pain, rather than this renewed throb that I knew would never be quenched?

She apologized for her shakiness in talking about the Cullens, and again my attention was drawn back to her. I watched her try to steady herself, bracing her body again the counter-top, as if she would fall away without it. Perhaps she would. How very strange it was that I had found the only other person in Forks who was as ruined by the departure of their vampire mate as I was. What a pair we made. “No apology necessary, Bella. Your state now was me decades ago. Were I human, I never would have made it a few months. I’m not sure how you’ve survived. You are very strong.”

She asked me then how my meeting with the wolf pack went. I was sure that Jacob would never tell her intimate details of their pack meetings, but I was not bound by the same law that the other werewolf was. Though I’d agreed to help Sam’s pack, I never agreed to join it, and so he was not my alpha to obey. But I wondered if I would be doing a disservice to my newly made alliance by telling Bella exactly what went on. But then, most of it concerned her anyway, so didn’t she have a right to know?

“He did. I met and talked with Sam. He’s a wise alpha. He told me about the female vampire that is after you. Now that I’ve heard your story, it makes more sense. I told him that I would stay for a while and collect my thoughts, and while I was here I would help them protect you from Victoria. My body doesn’t require sleep, so you can consider me your round-the-clock guardian.”

I gave her a small smile. The expression was a stranger to my face. I had not truly smiled in over half a century. Why couldn’t the currents have taken me sooner, or faster? Why couldn’t I have washed up on First Beach just a few months ago, when Alice was still here? Think of how different my life would be.

And yet, would it really be different? Because I washed up to First Beach when I did, I was able to catch Alice’s fading scent on Bella’s clothing. And Bella was only at First Beach that day because Edward had left her and she was trying to fill her time with Jacob. If it had been a few months ago, before the Cullens had left this place, Bella would not have been on the beach. Would I have caught a scent of Alice then? Probably not. And with no scent of Alice, I would have been depressed and annoyed that the water had carried me in, and I probably would have walked straight back into the ocean.

So perhaps I was lucky after all. Lucky that I had come across Bella Swan that day. Lucky that she was able to confirm for me that Alice was not dead. Well, at least not in the six-feet-under sort of way. She walked the earth still, with a loving coven of vampires, and maybe, just maybe, I still had a chance of finding her.

Bella pulled me out of my thoughts, and I noticed she looked quite alarmed. She had put some distance between us, and was staring at me carefully. She asked me how I had known her name, and if I had been following her. I took my sunglasses off so that she could see the sincerity in my eyes. I had just found this girl who held the key to everything I wanted to know about Alice. She was lost, broken, and hunted. I felt some unknown pull to take care of her. She couldn’t push me away now.

“If I were trying to deceive you, I could simply say that I heard Jacob use it. But I am not trying to deceive you. I have been following you for a little over a week, Bella. Please trust me when I say I have no intentions of harming you. What I said to Jacob was and is still true. I am not here for blood, and I am not here for violence. I followed you with no malicious or secretive intent. I did it because I had just risen from the depths of the ocean for the first time in almost a decade. So much has changed in such a short time; I wanted to get acclimated before walking around in public. Blending in has always been very difficult for me, Bella. I like to try and do my homework as thoroughly as possible. I was also going around the town, and seeing if I could put the pieces together myself. I didn’t want to approach you unless it was absolutely necessary. And then, I also needed to watch you interact with the werewolves, and hear you talk about the vampires, to see how much I would have to hide from you, and also how much useful information you would be able to give me. I’m sorry if I made you nervous.”

She considered this for a moment, and then seemed to accept my words for truth. She visibly relaxed, and I could see how so much distress recently had its effect on her features. She looked very tired, and very worn. I frowned, and we looked at each other for a long moment. I didn’t know what to do from here. Alice was gone. Was she ever going to come back? Would Edward lose his will and return for Bella?

Currently, I had no sympathy for this vampire. How could he just leave Bella alone like this? When vampires fell in love, it was not a simple thing. It took centuries to cope with losing the one they loved, and rarely did they ever get over it. How could Edward, who had found his soul mate, simply leave her of his own free will? If it were me and Alice, I would never be able to leave her alone. Not for a second. Who was this careless vampire?

As Bella and I looked at each other, something clicked in my mind. I knew why I felt this draw to her. We were kindred. Both seeking the love of our vampire soul mate, and both unable to find it. Perhaps that was why I was suddenly considering it so hard to leave this place.

As if reading my mind, she spoke. “Are you leaving?”

From the way her voice shook when she said it, I could tell that she was not asking of the short-term. She wanted to know how long she had with me before I would be gone too, just like the Cullens.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. At least not for a while. I promised Sam I would help with Victoria. Once she is taken care of, I think I will resume my search for Alice.” It seemed so unfair that I stood a chance of finding my missing Cullen while Bella staid behind, her soul rotting in Forks. But I certainly could not take Bella with me. She would slow down the progress tremendously, and I could miss Alice again, by mere days. But it was foolish to think of that now, with Bella’s safety in question. I could not very well let my kindred spirit fall prey of a sore losing vampire.

It seemed so strange. Here I had just met this girl, and already I was feeling protective of her.

I looked up into her peculiar eyes once more. They were peculiar, not because of the color, but because of the depth to them. Brown eyes always looked so flat for their darkness, but not Bella’s. “Should I be gone before your father returns?”

Maybe this is forever.
Forever fades away;
Like a rocket ascending into space.
Could you not be sad?
Could you not break down?
After all, I won't let go
'Till you're safe and sound.
There's beauty in release.
There's no one left to please but you and me.

I don't blame you for quitting.
I know you really tried.
If only you could hang on through the night,
Cause I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to be scared.

Until you're safe and sound...

Feel like I was a stranger.
Feel like I was an angel.
Feel like I was a hero.
Feel like I was a zero.
Feel like I could've loved you.
Feel like I really loved you...
Feel like I could've saved you...

[Leihya_Tearfall]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

I couldn’t help but to feel relief wash over my being as Logan explained his reasoning behind knowing my name. Of course it made sense to do recon; after all there was absolutely no reason for anyone to run blind into any situation. I suppose just the fact that he knew my name had thrown me off guard, but the fear had never hit. Not like it had in the meadow. There was never a reason for the fear to come and I could only guess that my subconscious knew that already.

I let a long sigh escape my lungs as I realized that I had been holding my breath. I was slightly embarrassed by the fact I felt so nervous, of course being human such emotions were bound to happen. That was: being a human that was falling apart piece by piece by being utterly and irrevocably in love with a vampire that did not return the same affections. I was also relieved that Logan would be staying, though I did not know for how long exactly. He reassured me that he would not leave until Victoria was taken care of; but that was not a definite date, it was not something for me to count down to. No in fact for all I knew they could have her by morning, would he depart then? Or would he fill his curiosity as I wished to fill mine. There were so many questions that I had for him, one of which I already knew the answer to. If and when he did leave, I wanted to go with him. I wanted to find Alice, as well as the other Cullens – but most of all I wanted to find him. I couldn’t help but to push those questions to the side as I looked back meeting his unique eyes. It was strange, the feeling of security that washed over me when he was near – something new, something different. Of course I felt nearly whole when I was around Jacob, and perhaps just as safe – but Logan was different somehow. It was as if we were corresponding pieces to a puzzle, like we fit together and we were destined to meet. I had to have more, I needed him.

”Charlie would probably have a heart attack if he walked through the door and saw you.” I began, my lips pursing slightly as my eyes trailed off. ”It would be better if I eased you into meeting him; he can be… delicate at times. Especially with how things ended. Though Charlie tried not to show his resentment toward the Cullens, it was clearly there. After all, he understood the pain as Renee had done nearly the same thing to him – only he handled the pain, whereas I could not. Without thinking I stepped across the kitchen and gently grabbed the fabric of Logan’s shirt before he could turn to leave. ”Will you come and see me tomorrow?” Pathetic. My behavior was utterly pathetic. I already was addicted to his presence and I did not want to lose that, my only link to the vampire world.


My next few weeks were spent mostly with Logan, as we began to grow closer. There seemed to be an unexplainable bond forming between us; yet nothing seemed to take my mind off the pain in my chest for long. Of course I too spent a majority of my time with Jacob and I could feel the waves of irritation that rolled from his form as I spent time with Logan. It was hard to place my finger on the bond we shared, though I knew that it was not one based on love. No in fact Edward still held that piece of me as he would forever; yet I was getting in deeper and deeper with Jacob without ever having consciously decided to do so. I began to feel that perhaps Logan and I related so well together due to the losses we both suffered, though I could not be sure. As it was I seemed to have an unnatural draw to all that was dangerous around me, maybe this was just another plain example of such. Though I spent most of my days with Logan we tended to remain on the reservation during those days, Charlie of course would come by in the evenings and visit with Billy; occasionally having dinner. He was startled by Logan at first, as he held a striking resemblance to the Cullens. Yet Charlie began to grow on the idea of our friendship – for just that reason, it was purely friendship. Between the combination of Logan and Jacob I seemed to be surfacing from the darkness even more than before.

I had tried to linger at Emily’s place on Wednesday afternoon, for a change. At first it was nice; Emily being a very cheerful person that never sat still. She was always up and about her house and or yard tending to the already immaculate surroundings. Occasionally she would complain about the increase in appetite from the pack; but I could easily tell it was of no bother to her – rather she enjoyed taking care of them. But after a few hours Sam had popped in, leaving me only to stay long enough to make sure that Jacob was ok before I had to escape. The love and contentment that they shared when no one else was around was… difficult to take – especially with no one to dilute it. I found myself wandering the beach, pacing up and down the length of the rocky shore. Alone time was never good for me, as it allowed me time to think. Now due to the new honesty that I shared with Jacob and Logan I had been talking and thinking about the Cullens entirely too much; it became too much and I could hardly walk anymore – my breathing had become far too complicated for the simple act.

I’m not exactly sure how long I stayed curled into a ball upon the rocks before Jacob found me, and I could tell from his expression that he understood. ”Sorry.” I looked up slightly bewildered at his statement before he had picked me up into his arms. I hadn’t realized that I was cold until then and the warmth that flowed from his body onto mine made me shudder slightly. On the brighter side of things at least I could breathe with him there. ”I’m ruining your spring break.” It was hard to listen to him blame himself for my pain, my boredom. Hardly was he ruining my break. ”No, you’re not. I didn’t have plans. Besides I don’t think I like spring breaks anyway…” I laughed half heartedly at his statement. ”I’ll take tomorrow morning off. The others can run without me. We’ll do something fun.” I couldn’t help but to furrow my brow as the word confused me, my lips reiterating the statement slowly. ”Fun?” It was odd, incomprehensible, something that had not been for so long. ”Fun is exactly what you need. Hmm…” He seemed to understand my confusion as his gaze lingered across the gray waves cascading across one another. He seemed to be deliberating about something, before his eyes flashed with inspiration. ”Got it! Another promise to keep.” I was perhaps even more confused at this point as I stepped away slightly looking over his massive form. ”Jake what are you talking about?” Rolling his eyes slightly Jacob had let go of me; I could feel the cold which was more prominent on my now warm flesh as he pointed out toward the southern edge of the beach. There the flat, rocky half-moon stopped against the sheer sea cliffs. At first I didn’t understand, but then he clarified. Of course the dark water did not look inviting in the least; but Jacob was sure the weather would be warmer tomorrow.

It had been days since I last heard Edward’s voice, and that was probably the majority of my problem. I was addicted to the sound of my sweet delusions, and my condition seemed to worsen the longer I went without them. Of course I had not shared my insanity with Jacob or Logan; and neither knew of my adrenaline affixation – jumping from the cliff would surely resolve my situation.

I had woken early the next morning and managed to sneak a change of clothes in my truck. I knew that Charlie would approve of the plans I had for today about as much as he would have approved of my motorcycle riding. I was almost excited at the thought of today’s date; both with Jacob and as well as with Edward. I couldn’t help but to laugh darkly to myself. When I arrived in La Push I half expected Jacob to meet me out front, though when he didn’t I had presumed he was still asleep. Quietly I had knocked on the door as to not wake him, and Billy answered. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a bowl of cold cereal in front of him; and much to my disappointment Jacob was not asleep. Rather Embry, Jared and Paul had crossed a fresh trail early this morning and Sam as well as Jacob had left to help. I assumed Logan would be on the trail as well. Sam believed that there would be a good chance to finish it, but all I could do was worry. I worried for their safety.

Soon enough I began to feel closed in, the panic sweeping over me as I decided to leave. ”I’ll be at the beach.” I told Billy before abruptly heading out the door. Leaving and being outside didn’t help as much as I had hoped, the clouds seemed to push down the invisible weight of feeling closed in while the forest was strangely empty. I heard no noise as I walked the beach and the silence was eerie. I was sure it was all just a product from the weather, as even my human senses could decipher something major. I did my best to not think of the work that Jacob and the others had taken upon themselves on my behalf – and I tried to believe that fate would not take the last few shreds of sanity that I clutched so dearly to. My vision moved out to the ocean where I could see the darkened waves battering with a ferocity unmatched. I could see the cliffs forming a distinguished line against the livid sky and I could not help but to think about that day when Jacob had enlightened me about Sam and his ‘gang’. I thought of the boys – the werewolves – throwing themselves into the empty air. The image of the falling, spiraling figures was still so very clear in my mind, and I could not help but to envision the freedom of the fall. Oh how Edwards perfect voice would sound in my mind – perfect, velvet and furious. The burning in my chest flared with a vengeance ; there had to be some way to quench it as it was growing more and more intolerable by the second. Why not quench it now? I glared menacingly toward the cliff side. Jacob had promised. Had he not? Just because he was unavailable did not mean I should give up my distraction – the addiction I needed oh so badly.

I hurried back to Jacobs house recovering my truck and making my way to the path that would lead to the cliff side. I knew my way well enough, though I searched for any turns that may lead me to the lower outcropping that Jacob had surely intended to take me from – the road merely wound all the way to the top with no other options. The storm was moving in much quicker now as I stepped out of my truck. The wind was hitting my face for the first time bringing the cold first drops of rain against my sallow complexion. I knew I had no time to find another way, besides I wanted to jump from the top. I had to. I knew this was the stupidest and most reckless thing I had yet to do, and the thought made me smile. The pain was already beginning to ease. It was as if my body knew that Edward’s voice was mere seconds away…

Blindly I felt for the outcropping as the wind now whipped the cold dagger like raindrops against my body. My deep brown hair flew wildly around my features, turning darker by the seconds as it became soaked with the storm. Yet I paused – waiting.
Bella
I smiled and exhaled, answering silently for fear that the sound of my voice would shatter my beautiful delusion. Yes?
Don’t do this The voice was pleading
You wanted me to be human, so watch me. I reminded him.
Please. For me.
But you won’t stay with me any other way. I rolled onto the balls of my feet.
No, Bella! The voice was filled with anger now, and the anger was utterly beautiful.

I smiled and let my arms reach out, as if I were going to dive I lifted my face into the rain. Leaning forward I crouched allowing myself to get more spring before I flung my body off the cliff. I could hear myself scream as I fell through the open air, it was not a scream of fear rather it was one of exhilaration. The sensation I felt as my body fought against the wind was remarkable; causing me to spiral through before cutting into the cold surface. It was icy; much colder than I had imagined which only added to the high – to the adrenaline. I marveled at the fact I felt no fear, really the fall was nothing. Where was the challenge? Only that was when the current caught me. I had been so preoccupied at the distance of the fall that I hadn’t worried about the silent danger beneath the dark waters. It felt as if the waves were fighting over me, pulling me back and forth with no mercy. I knew the right way to avoid a riptide: swim parallel to the beach. Yet I had no idea where the beach was. Hell I couldn’t even tell which way the surface was; all I could see was black. At least he was with me; as I lay dying in the blackened abyss.

”Keep swimming!” His voice begged urgently in my mind as I fought to keep my store of oxygen.
Where? There was nothing but darkness around me, there was no place to swim to.
”Stop that! Don’t you dare give up!”

The cold of the icy currents was numbing my arms and legs and I didn’t feel the pull as much as before. It was more of a dizziness now, a helpless spinning in the water. I knew it was no use to fight, a waste of oxygen. A waste of my precious time with Edward. Yet against my own judgment I listened to him. I forced my arms to fight, to swim anywhere but here. The current merely forced me into a new direction with every second I made my futile attempt. Oh what was the point?

”Fight!” Damn it, Bella, keep fighting!”
Why? I didn’t want to fight anymore. I was content with dying, I was content with Edward. I was almost happy that it was over, oddly this death would be peaceful – unlike the others I had faced. It was then I saw him. My memory had stored him away in perfect clarity as if saving him for this final moment. I could see his perfect face as if he were really thre; the exact shade of his icy skin, the shape of his lips, the line of his jaw and the golden liquid that melted into fury. He was angry, as he should be; I was giving up.

”No! Bella No!”

The current seemed to have taken me down farther as my body slammed abruptly into something hard. A rock invisible in the gloom. It hit me solidly across the chest, slamming into me like an iron bar and my breath escaped my lungs; escaped into a thick cloud of silver bubbles. At that point the darkness began to over take me, dragging me deeper and deeper. I could hear my last words as I whispered them silently in my mind. Goodbye, I love you.

Yet my head broke the surface. How disorienting, I was positive that the current was pulling me under. Only the current would not let up. It was painful as it continued to beat against the center of my back sharply and I could feel the water escaping my lungs. It gushed causing a cascade of water to pour from my nose and mouth. The salt water burned with ferocity, yet somehow I stayed in place.

”Breathe! Breathe, Bella! C’mon!”

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

ισgαи αρσιισ мcgσωαи

“Will you come and see me tomorrow?”

It was heartbreaking when she asked that question. Sometimes, when I watched her and Jacob together having fun, it was hard to tell that she was suffering from a heartache as powerful as mine. Not that she was recovered, but something about Jacob’s presence just made it easier to hide her pain. But that was one wall that never had to be put up when she was with me. Because with me, we were kindred. She didn’t hide her pain, and I didn’t hide mine. We both knew that we were drawn together because of our similarities and curiosities, both finding something in the other that reminded us of our lost love, and clinging desperately to it. She wanted to know as much about my life as I wanted to know about her life with the Cullens. Whenever she was talking, she had my attention with fevered interest. She knew that the only reason I left her side sometimes was because Charlie came home or because they were going over to the reservation. But she was never alone. Not since I came to Forks.

And that was how I could tell that Edward had so thoroughly messed her up. I knew Bella clung to me for a different reason than she clung to Jacob. He was her happiness. Her good feeling. I, on the other hand, was her last reminder of a world in which vampires exist. Edward had left her so unsure of everything, that, even though she knew I needed her as much as she needed me, she still couldn’t trust the fact that I would be there the next day.

It had been going on for weeks. We would spend hours and hours and hours together, talking about everything we could think of, and then, when it was time for me to fall back into the shadows and protect her from afar, she would always ask me if I was coming back tomorrow. And every time, it was in the same small, lost voice. It broke my heart. I hoped each day that something I had said or done in our time together would convince her that I was not leaving her any time soon, but each day she asked the same question.

Today was no different.

I looked her dead in the eye, my obsidian orbs burning with sincerity. “Yes, Bella. I promise you that I am one vampire that will never leave you. Even when we part, I am never really gone. You can trust me.”

I was leaving to perform my rounds. Because I didn’t need sleep, Sam had chosen me as Bella’s round-the-clock guardian, something which only further spited Jacob against me. He was getting jealous that I was spending so much time with Bella. I could see it in his eyes. He thought that, as long as I lingered, Bella could never move past Edward and onto him. He didn’t like that she needed me too, and for a different reason than she needed him. Because I could fill something in Bella’s need that he could not. Because I was a vampire.

Of course, I did not love Bella. I mean, I did, but not like the others. Not like Jacob did. Not like Edward. I loved Bella as I would love a younger sister. I felt protective of her for that reason. She was my sister, my kindred, and a threat on her life was a threat to my family, which I could not and would not stand for. I just wanted to make her feel safe again. I wanted her to know that she could be sure of something. Sure of me.

She looked convinced enough for the moment, until tomorrow came and she would again be wondering if I were real or simply a figment of her imagination. But this morning, I did not worry so much. She was going to see Jacob at the reservation, and while she was with him I would be able to once again explore Forks more thoroughly for her threat. Though Jake had some growing animosity towards me, I knew it was a distaste he reserved only for me. If Bella were going to be guarded by anyone but me, I would be the first to pick Jacob Black.

I smiled reassuringly at Bella, squeezed her shoulder gently, and then stepped out of her second story window. Landing gracefully on my feet, I turned around to wave and then loped for the woods behind her house. Once in the safety of the trees, I stripped off all but my cargo shorts and phased into my wolf form.

It was there that the news hit me.

“Logan, is that you?”

“I’m here, Sam. What do you need?”

“We picked up a fresh scent. It’s the bloodsucker, Logan. She’s back.”

I went tearing off in the direction that the others were already headed in, catching up with them in record time. We were so hot on the trail that soon we could even hear the rustling of the leaves and underbrush that her incredible speed was leaving behind. Sam encouraged the pack hard onward, and we were practically snapping at her heels before long. But Victoria seemed to have some strange knack for escape. It seemed like every time we were about to move into the kill, she would find some new angle and go darting off. We had chased her north, and then southwest. We had crossed over the border onto the reservation, and Victoria led us all the way to First Beach. She dove into the Pacific Ocean and swam rapidly out into the open ocean. I put on more speed to jump in after her, when I realized that the others had fallen back.

“What’s going on.”

“We can’t swim like this, Logan. The current would overtake us as wolves, and she would surely massacre us all as men. You can swim?”

I nodded.

“Then go! Chase her, turn her back towards the beach! Force her into an ambush. This could be it! We could have her!”

I nodded again and turned tail, heading towards the surf. “I have to go into my half form in order swim. I’ll phase back when she’s close!”

Before there could be any reply, I flew into the air and phased back into my hybrid state. The transformation was already complete before I was in the water. I pushed off the ground and propelled myself after Victoria. In my hesitation she had gained a lot of distance, but I covered half of it in mere moments. Sensing that she was now being followed by something other than vampire, she picked up her pace, and led me out into the ocean.

The chase lasted for hours in the choppy, angry waves of the Pacific Ocean. She was gaining her distance. There were no scents in the water, even to a nose as powerful as mine. She would dive under the water just as a wave moved in. Before I had time to follow her under, the wave threw me back fifty-feet. By the time I was under water to pursue her, she was above water a mile off, swimming away. And then, something very odd happened. She had just pulled her wave trick, and I had just resurfaced, and she was nowhere to be seen. I swam around. I looked under water. She was gone. I didn’t understand it. How could she have just disappeared? After looking around for a while, I gave up. I had no means to track her with. Unsettled, I turned around to head back home.

It was dark by the time I made it back to La Push. Only Sam sat on the beach, waiting for me in his human form. He inclined his head, looking at me expectantly. I phased back to my normal vampire form and shrugged. I told him of the disastrous chase, and how she had finally lost me somewhere up north. He took the news well, and did not blame me for losing her.

“If you could have had the pack with you, she would not still exist. I am only sorry that we could not follow you.”

I looked around. “Where is everyone else?”

“Jacob’s house. I dismissed them a while after you left, when we could not see you on the horizon anymore. Logan…there’s…there’s been a problem. Bella’s had an accident.”

He had only just finished recounting the story when I took off running towards the Black’s house. I let myself in and Billy looked up at me, surprised by my sudden entrance. He eyed me for a moment, seeming to debate with himself, and then pointed towards the living room. It seemed that I was not a favorite amongst the Black family. While Jake disliked me mostly because of my closeness with Bella, Billy simply did not trust me. He looked at me in my vampire form and saw an abomination, an enemy. But Sam trusted me, and so Billy kept his insecurities to himself.

I nodded to the old man and then moved into the living room, where some of the pack still sat, all in human form, around Jacob and Bella, who were sleeping off their exhaustion. I moved in closer to look her over. She seemed fine, just paler than normal. I smelled Sam enter the room behind me.

“She’s been asking for you in her sleep, Logan.”

And, as if cued by his words, Bella’s eyes fluttered open for a moment. She smiled, reaching up to touch my face. I placed my hand over hers. We stared at each other for a moment, before her eyes drooped.

“Get some sleep, Bella.”

She nodded, took her hand back, and rolled over. Sleep had her in its clutches within moments. I was able to relax now that I had seen her alive. We all stayed in the tiny living room for a bit longer, before Sam stood, looked around at all of us, and then walked out. Understanding our summoning, we all followed him. I gave Bella one last look before leaving the room. I would see her later.

Sam refused to believe that we’d seen the last of Victoria. I agreed. She wasn’t gone. Her knack for escape had simply aided her once more, but she hadn’t given up. Sam had us split up and patrol different areas of the borders. We were to make sure that no square inch of ground went un-inspected. It took hours. When I had finished, Sam found me and asked me, since I did not need sleep, if I could please run the borders tonight and into tomorrow until someone came to take over for me. There was a certain edge to his voice, one that I had never heard before. His eyes were hard when he looked at me. It seemed like he would very much have liked to give me an order, not ask me a favor, which was unusual for him. I wondered why it was so important for me to run the borders tonight, or, more importantly, why it was so urgent that I not remain with Bella. But I didn’t want trouble. I did as he asked, and spent the entire night running in large circles, patrolling all the lines, making sure I had not missed her. Morning came, and then afternoon, and no one came to relieve me. Perturbed, I changed course for La Push. When I arrived back to the pack council spot, I saw Jacob the wolf sitting with Sam the wolf. There was a sense of urgency to the mental conversation they were having. I loped over to them, and Sam gave me a sharp look.

“What’s going on?”

“Bella is gone. A Cullen came back for her. We’re discussing whether or not it will break the treaty if we continue to patrol their lands.”

“Edward came back?”

Again, those sharp eyes pierced me. “No.” And suddenly it came flooding into my head. Sam was choosing to share his recollections, that were actually Jake’s, with me. I was walking in Bella’s house, and there was a sickly sweet smell that hit my nostrils. I turned to look, and there stood a face that made my heart leap and my knees shake. Overwhelmed, I could not share Sam’s memory any longer. I phased back only halfway, and sank to my knees in my hybrid form.

“How long? How long had she been here?”

He must have phased as well, because his voice reached my ears, not my mind. “She arrived yesterday morning. She left with Bella for Italy just a little while ago. Apparently the leech saw Bella jumping from the cliffs and thought that she had tried to commit suicide. She came to see if she was correct. Somehow Edward got the news that Bella was dead, and he went off to Italy.”

He said it all so nonchalantly. But I knew. Edward was about to do the very same thing that I had tried so many times to do. There was only one reason why a vampire, who thought they had lost the core of their existence, would go to Italy. Edward was going to ask them to destroy him. But he was mistaken. Bella was not dead. Just as I had been mistaken with Alice.

I also knew why Sam had asked me to run the borders alone. Gathering myself, I stood and stared dead into Sam’s defiant eyes. “You know of my relationship with Alice. You know I’ve been searching for her. You knew she was here for two days and you didn’t tell me?” I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice.

He crossed his arms, still defiant. “She was not our concern at the time.”

“She’s my concern!”

“The pack needed you first. This is where your allegiance lies, is it not? No bloodsucker is more important than this pack! Anyway, there was no way we could have known they would leave so suddenly. I’m sorry you missed her.” But his voice was hard and unemotional. His eyes were cold. He was not sorry. Not in the least. Fuming, I phased all the way back into my vampire form. I looked at him hard in the eyes, my obsidian orbs cold and jagged as onyx stones. The intimidation tactic worked. Sam took an alarmed step back, and Jacob, also human, stood closer to him. “It was for the good of the pack that you promised to protect.”

“But it interfered with the woman I swore to love. And you know damn well that no one can interfere with my relationship to her. I’ve imprinted on her. That’s breaking ancient law.”

Sam tensed. He was speechless. Apparently he had forgotten that ancient wolf law protected Alice. His actions to keep me from her broke that law. He was so focused on trying to keep me in his pack that he had neglected to remember the whole reason why I was here in the first place.

Disgusted, I turned my back on him and started walking for Forks. “Consider the treaty lines re-established.”

“You aren’t a Cullen…” His voice sounded far away, like he was scrambling for a comeback.

“No, but I am a vegetarian vampire that is forever linked to one.” I stopped walking and whipped around. “Or would you prefer to attack me?”

Neither human moved. I eyed them both, and then sighed. “I thought you were different, Sam. I never thought you’d use me for my power. I’m through letting people take advantage of me. This is the end of my running with with Quileute wolves. You can consider me no better than a Cullen now.”

And with that I turned back once more and headed towards the Quileute Reservation-Forks Township border line. Without hesitation and without looking back, I stepped over the line, never to return again. I ran to Bella’s house. Charlie was gone, and I let myself in. Alice’s scent overwhelmed me. It was the freshest dose I’d had in decades. I drank it in, the smell of it engraving itself into my brain. I had been so close.

I didn’t want to leave this spot, but I knew Charlie would be home soon. And so I forced myself up and outside. But I didn’t go far. I planted myself just inside the cover of the trees. I knew she had to come back. She wouldn’t just leave Charlie like this forever. She was coming back, and she would tell me where I could find Alice. She wouldn’t forget about me. She couldn’t.

I was prepared to wait patiently for her. After all, now I truly had nothing else.

Maybe this is forever.
Forever fades away;
Like a rocket ascending into space.
Could you not be sad?
Could you not break down?
After all, I won't let go
'Till you're safe and sound.
There's beauty in release.
There's no one left to please but you and me.

I don't blame you for quitting.
I know you really tried.
If only you could hang on through the night,
Cause I don't want to be lonely.
I don't want to be scared.

Until you're safe and sound...

Feel like I was a stranger.
Feel like I was an angel.
Feel like I was a hero.
Feel like I was a zero.
Feel like I could've loved you.
Feel like I really loved you...
Feel like I could've saved you...

[Leihya_Tearfall]

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle





It was difficult - absolutely more difficult than it should have been to begin with.

I found in my attempt to live life; that my life was only falling apart farther. Of course I was irritated with Edward, however noble his reasoning was, for abandoning Bella. She was family… she was my family just as much as she was his. Had I no say in his decision to break her into millions of pieces? What about Carlisle and Esme? Should they not be allowed to voice their opinions as well? My vision at first seemed so crystalline, that she would one day become part of our family – one way or another. Yet over time it began to fade. Was that ultimately tied to Edward? Was he the one to make the final decision on the act? Unfair. Utterly and inconceivably unfair.

I was irritable most days now, and I had not the means to take that irritation out on Edward as he was no longer with us. He seemed content enough to damn himself to eternal suffering alone as he bid us goodbye; and in turn I chided him on his decision. Yet as Edward left physically; I knew that he was not truly gone. I was easily able to follow his general path of travel through my visions as my sight was more profound with him. Of course I was not sure why that was; I could only begin to believe it was because he and I were the same. Where on the other hand, Bella’s future was much more hazy. Edward though upon his departure distinctly instructed me to leave Bella be. Don’t be looking for her future either. We’ve done enough damage. I could not help but to scoff at the remark in my mind. Simpler said that done. Watching those around me was not something I could merely turn on and off. In fact, I was beginning to believe that the bonds I shared with my family as well as Bella were keeping that link there; and as much as I hated to admit to such I still held a link with Jasper. I could see the new life he led, and it saddened me beyond belief. Perhaps the sadness flowed from something more, something that I could not become. I wished so very hard that I could be the one that kept Jasper near, that strayed him from the lifestyle he now chose. Yet much to my distain, I was not strong enough and my love for him was not enough to keep him by my side.

Needless to say, Bella flickered in and out from time to time. I tried hard to let her live her life as a normal human would – as Edward wanted her to; though I could easily tell that was impossible. Nothing would ever replace the hole that Edward left behind, no matter how hard she tried to overcome the pain. There was not a single human experience that the young woman wanted or would trade for one touch from my brother. He was her life whether he would admit it or not. It was as if… they were meant to be. Of course I expected there to be times where I saw nothing at all, try as I may not to foresee. I suppose that was my explanation, that the holes in my vision were normal. I had no idea as to what she was doing or who she was hanging out with. She was after all a magnet for danger, a gravitational pull for all things deadly.

My vision was blind for weeks before I finally saw it. I had happened to be visiting Tanya’s family in Denali when it came to me, taking me by utter surprise. I spoke to no one about her decision. Rather, I managed to steal my way from their home with no questions asked taking the first flight out. I told Edward that it would happen, that Bella would not be able to survive without him. Yet he believed that she wouldn’t harm herself, after all she had promised. The vision was clear, very solid as she stood perched high above the wild waves below. Could she not see the near hurricane conditions that engulfed her delicate frame? Could she not see the wind whipping wildly about her body throwing her hair into disarray around her? Was Bella oblivious to the cold dagger-like rain drops that pelted her soft ivory skin leaving her clothing completely saturated? I sighed at first watching her as she remained precariously perched high above the fury below. I thought nothing of it - that was until she poised herself.

It was strange, a small smile played across Bella’s delicate lips as she rolled gently on the balls of her feet. It was almost as if she were… content with her decision. How stupid could one be?! Could she really believe that living a human life would be so difficult? Was she really willing to throw it all away? My muscles remained tense as I stared horrified at the picture that played out in my mind. Slowly she raised her arms out as if she were preparing for a dive, her face slightly turned upward; letting the rain fall freely across her features. She leaned forward as if preparing herself, allowing more spring, before flinging her frame outward. It took everything I had not to scream out, to yell for her to stop. Yet my face was horrified. Of course Tanya, Kate and Irina all noticed as I remained frozen; one hand slightly lifted toward nothing. They moved their lips as if to speak; only they stopped perhaps in fear of disrupting whatever it was that I was witnessing. To me the action seemed quiet deliberate. I of course had no knowledge of Bella’s prior adrenaline seeking needs as they were always fulfilled in the company of those that blinded my vision. So of course I had not expected her to complete such a feat; to willingly throw herself from a cliff side – to kill herself. I continued to watch as she broke the surface of the furious and raging black waters below, and to my distain she did not fight. No merely she confirmed my suspicions; my fears.

I moved much faster than I intended to and that was when the worry flowed into words from the Denali sisters. What did you see? What is wrong? What’s going on? I could only shake my head as I moved around the room gathering my things. I did not want to let onto what I had really seen, duly because they were sure to tell Carlisle or even Esme. I had to be the one to tell them, and I would call them on the plane. I merely bid them goodbye as I hurried out the door, throwing out something that related to Jasper; which left them with no questions as everyone was familiar with my pain. It was not long before I sat on the plane, pulling out the small silver device from my pocket quickly dialing Carlisle number. The phone only rang once before someone whom I did not expect answered it. ”Hello Alice.” I rolled my eyes slightly before I began to talk low and fast. No one nearby would understanding me, and if they were to look in my general direction they would only see my lips moving too fast to even pick up what I was saying - one of the many bright sides to being an immortal. ”Rosalie, I need to speak with Carlisle right away. Please put him on the phone.” There was a short silence before she responded. Only I was not really positive what I would tell Carlisle. I could only imagine the disappointment that would seethe through his voice as he realized what I was doing. I had to be sure that Bella really followed through. Only when I arrived, what would I say? Surely Charlie would be in agonizing pain as it were, and the cause would be from my brother. I sighed lightly at the thought. ”Carlisle is out at the moment. Tanya called… she sounded worried. Is there something going on Alice? Is it… Jasper?” I was not expecting Tanya to call after all. There was a prolonged silence on my end as I thought over my response. Should I tell Rose? ”Alice? Are you still there?” Taking in a deep breath I answered her slowly. ”Yes. Yes I’m still here. It’s Bella.”

I could hear Rosalie hiss through her now clenched teeth on the other end of the phone conversation, before she slowly began to regain her composure. ”What about Bella? We were distinctly told to butt out Alice…” My brow furrowed slightly at her short reply. ”I think she may have killed herself. I saw her jump, I’m not sure where but she deliberately flung herself from the cliff side; then everything went black. I can’t seem to see her. Will you have Carlisle call me right away, and I mean as soon as he gets back.” Rosalie was silent for a long time as she turned over the idea in her mind. Perhaps she was feeling remorse, though I highly doubted it. ”She really did that?... Yes, I will have Carlisle call you right away.” It was with that the line went dead. I rested my head back; though I kept my mind searching. I was reaching out for anything that would lead me to believe that Bella was still alive; and the odds were against me because she never did resurface.


I was in Forks by that evening; and quiet thirsty to boot. I had yet to go hunting before I left and it had been days before my last trip. Of course now there were other things that preoccupied my mind and I merely shoved that to the back – the constant flame in the back of my throat still remained though. I’m not exactly how long I waited before Bella’s truck pulled up outside. My ears of course perked in interest as I caught a familiar voice; faint yet familiar none the less. I would have ample opportunity to make my retreat as I now knew she was alive and well. Stupid, but alive. Only things would not work out that way. I could hear the silent argument from outside the doors as her engine caught with a roar and the tires squealed making their escape; much to my dismay the headlights must have flooded over Carlisle’s vehicle as the argument became more profound. Whoever was with her, knew I was inside and they felt an obvious threat. I could only assume the other part was another supernatural or someone with a profound knowledge due to the scent I could not place. It was not long before Bella was inside, and quiet literally she had begun to fall apart. I had never expected it to be as bad as it was, and what I did expect was in no comparison to how bad it really was.

”Alice, oh, Alice!” I would have laughed if it were any other day as she quiet literally ran head first into my form. Did she already forget just how durable we really were? Yet, I didn’t merely I looked at her with confusion as well as relief.
”Bella?” She soon began to break down as her arms wrapped quiet tightly around my form. I could hear her taking long deep breaths, perhaps it was a means of comfort.
”I’m…sorry. I’m just…so happy…to see you!” Carefully I rubbed her back, though I strained as far as I could from her without her realizing I was doing such. The flame that burned in the back of my throat was near unbearable… and she did smell very good - although it was not as good as normal. There was a strange... musk type smell lingering over her. Rather disgusting really.
”It’s okay, Bella. Everything’s okay. I had forgotten just how exuberant you are.” I by this time had pressed my lips together firmly as I attempted to hold in my store of oxygen. Perhaps my tone had come out hurtful, disappointing or even rude. It was though better than killing her.
”Oh. Sorry.”
I watched her carefully as she moved away from me; at least that granted me some control to think. ”It’s my own fault. It’s been too long since I hunted. I shouldn’t let myself get so thirsty. BUT I was in a hurry today.” My features slowly formed into a glare as I spoke; bringing up the next topic of discussion. ”Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you’re alive?” My eyes narrowed as Bella stopped sobbing. I knew immediately that she understood what I was speaking of.
”You saw me fall.”
”No, I saw you jump. Shaking my head slightly the look of frustration, even perhaps anger, slowly began to dissappate. ”I told him this would happen, but he didn’t believe me. ‘Bella promised. Don’t be looking for her future either. We’ve done enough damage.’ But just because I’m not looking, doesn’t mean I don’t see. I wasn’t keep tabs on you, I swear Bella. It’s just that I’m already attuned to you… when I saw you jumping, I didn’t think, I just got on a plane. I knew I would be too late, but I couldn’t do nothing. And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up!” I couldn’t help but to shake my head again, my voice becoming strained. I assumed this would be what it was like to cry; to actually shed tears. Only the tears would not come. ”I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come back up, but you didn’t. What happened? And how could you do that to Charlie?! Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have any idea what Edward—“
”Alice, I wasn’t committing suicide.” I couldn’t help but to look Bella over, hardly in belief.
”Are you saying that you didn’t jump off a cliff?”
”No but… It was for recreational purposes only. I’d seen some of Jacob’s friends cliff diving. It looked like… fun, and I was bored… I didn’t think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn’t think about the water much at all. So if you saw me go in, why didn’t you see Jacob?” Didn’t see? How could I not see someone pull Bella out? I was in disbelief, my train of thought slowly dissappating somewhere else as she continued on. ”It’s true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn’t jumped in after me. Well, okay, there’s no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn’t have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn’t see that?”

I could help but to frown, I would admit that I was perplexed. Was it possible that I could have an imperfect vision? ”Someone pulled you out?”
”Yes. Jacob saved me.” The perplexed look remained on my face as did many other emotions. Something else caught my attention now, a smell. The same faint smell that I had come across earlier throughout the Swan residence. Of course there was another too but this one was more prominent; and it was all over Bella. I leaned in carefully sniffing her deliberating. I could see that she froze, stopped moving. Though whether she was scared or not I didn’t care. I was attempting to dissect the horrible scent that riddled her clothing. Disgusting.
Don’t be ridiculous. I muttered as she asked me what I was doing. Though I ignored her and continued on. ”Who was out there with you just now? It sounded like you were arguing.”
”Jacob Black. He’s… sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was… what?”
I nodded slowly, though I was much more preoccupied in my attempt to sort things out. ”I don’t know. I’m not sure what it means.”
”Well, I’m not dead, at least.”
”He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I’ve never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy.” I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes as I made the statement, Bella of course had to add her part. ”I survived.”
”So if the currents were too strong for you, how did this Jacob manage?”
”Jacob is… strong.” There was reluctance in Bella’s voice as she spoke. Slowly my eyebrows rose as I bore my gaze into her. Was there something that she was holding back? Something that was pertinent to my vision, something I could not see?”See, well, he’s… sort of a werewolf. The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?” Werewolves?! Impossible! Truly Bella was a magnet for all things dangerous, and leave it to her to lure the wolves in. I could hardly believe what I was hearing as she explained everything; and of course I assumed that it was tied in to the smell. Yet then she had to put the topper on the cake. Not only was she hanging around werewolves; she was hanging around young werewolves. I was furious, not only at her for the poor decision making but at Edward for leaving her in such a situation! Only things could not get better. I would have assumed that Bella’s allurement to danger would have stopped there, but it didn’t. Edward had not seen the ties that Victoria held with James. Something that she did not let on as he began the hunt a year ago. Apparently she was much closer to him that any of us could have expected. A mate for a mate. It was with that I made Bella tell me everything; and I could easily see that our leaving had done nothing for the girl. Perhaps if she were a normal human she would have merely moved on with her life, and lived it. Yet, she seemed to be much more than that – she needed us. I spent the evening with Bella, though first I left for an hour to hunt and gather my belongings. Charlie was surprised to say the least; and I could easily tell that he did not hold me personally responsible for Edwards decision. If Edward came back I doubted Charlie would ever let him in again. Charlie had explained to me how Bella had been handling it, and exactly what it did to her. Again, it was much worse than I could have ever forseen.

I spent the morning talking with Charlie as he had made breakfast for me; and I humored him with it though it held no interested. Eventually Bella woke, and soon after that Jacob had arrived. Though I had been given enough time to catch her up on what the Cullens were doing as of late. She seemed to hang on my every word as I spoke; it was as if she would never see me again. Which of course was probably true. I also explained to her my findings on my past; yet again before the conversation could continue any father the werewolf was at the door. So I managed to steal my way from her house though I did not go far.

Again my vision hit me, unexpected and this time there was a far greater sense of urgency. Edward was going to the Volutri, to beg them for his death. As it were he was not going to live in a world without Isabella Swan. Something had to be done. I ran flat out for the house, caring not if the werewolf was still inside. I quickly pulled out the small silver phone from my bag before dialing the number. Within one partial ring Rosalie had answered. ”Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle now. Fine as soon as he’s back. No, I’ll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?” I paused as she spoke, appalled by the words that flew from her mouth. I couldn’t help but to be horrified. ”I actually spoke with him, it was only a while ago. He said he was fine, and I told him exactly what you had told me. I must admit it was harder to find him than I imagined.” She was slightly smug, perhaps she believed that he was fine. That he would return home with open arms now that Bella was no longer alive. But she was wrong. ”Well, you’re wrong on both counts, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don’t you think? Yes, that’s right. She’s absolutely fine – I was wrong… long story… But your wrong about that part too. That’s why I’m calling… Yes, that’s exactly what I saw.” There was a long pause as she attempted to shower me with apologies. ”It’s a bit late for that, Rose. Save your remorse for someone who believes it.”

Quickly I interrogated the dog before confirming my vision. He was already halfway to Volterra by now and all I could hope for was that if he saw Bella he would come to his senses. I rushed her through, praying that we would make it in time for him to just merely see that she was alive; and of course she was just as antsy as I was. In no time we were on the next flight out.




goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Leihya_Tearfall]

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

It was hard to believe I was busy gaining fulfillment from my delusions in a time such as this. I had no idea of Harry Clearwater’s heartattack, and to think I was the one going around jumping off of cliffs. Of course I deserved the scolding that I received from all parties; and in honesty it seemed to open my eyes to something new. Of course it was a possibility I had thought over many times in my mind; but I had never acted on it. Whether it be due to the fact I had yet to heal – that I would never heal – or the fact that Jacob deserved more than me; broken and unable to reciprocate love as I was once able to before. I sighed lightly as he set me down upon Billy’s sofa; the radiator was right next to it and it allowed warmth to wash over my body although I was still wet. My lungs ached in such a manner that using them only made me want to give in to the sensation of sleep all the more. Was it wrong to sleep? Yet it seemed alright as Jacob’s snored lulled me much like a lullaby; it was within moments I was asleep along side of him. It was the first time in a very long time that my dream was just… a dream. So many pictures flashed through my unconscious mind. Pictures of home, of Renee, of Phoenix, of my childhood, a wall of mirrors, a flame on the black water – of course I forgot each of them as the pictures changed so rapidly through my mind. I found them all so meaningless… but when I slowly struggled back to reality, to consciousness; I found Juliet was on my mind. Jacob was still asleep; he seemed to have slumped down to the floor though his breathing was deep and even. The house was blacker than before I had fallen asleep as night engulfed everything outside; and surprisingly I was almost dry – though my limbs were very sore and stiff and my throat still burned with a vengeance from the salt water of the ocean.

I really wanted to get up, to go get a drink, to try and ease the burning that engulfed my throat. Yet I was so stiff I really didn’t want to move. In the end my body won and I remained stationary on the couch; rather I turned the story of Romeo and Juliet over and over in my mind. What would she have done if Romeo had left her? Not duly because he was banished; merely because he lost interest. What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he’d changed his mind entirely? What if instead of marrying Juliet, he just… disappeared? I definitely thought I knew how Juliet would feel. She would not go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn’t ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been his face – Romeo’s face that she saw behind her lids. Maybe she would have accepted that, eventually. Would she have married Paris in the end, to please her parents, to keep the peace? No, probably not. But then, the story didn’t say much about Paris. He was just a stick figure, a placeholder, a threat, a deadline to force her hand. What if there was more to him? What if he were her very best friend? What if he were the only one she could confide in, the only one she could relay her feelings of agony to? What then? What if he was the only one that understood her; the only one to make her partially whole again? Why that would change the story entirely. Especially if Juliet realized she could not survive without him. Somewhere below me Jacob’s slow and steady breathing could be heard. It was so very comforting; again much like a lullaby. If Romeo was really gone, never coming back, would it have mattered whether or not Juliet had taken Paris up on his offer?

I closed my eyes and began to drift again, letting my mind wander away from the stupid play I didn’t want to think about anymore. I thought about reality instead – about how jumping from the cliff was and idiotic move. It did not stop at the cliff either; rather I moved to motorcycles – irresponsible. What would that do to Charlie? Harry’s heart attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me. It was a perspective that I did not want to see; because if I admitted to the truth, I would have to change my ways. Could I live like that? Maybe. It wouldn’t be easy in the least; in fact, it would be down-right miserable. But maybe I should do it, for Charlie’s sake – and maybe I could; if I had Jacob. It hurt too much to think about that; I just couldn’t make that decision right now. I had to think about something else. I tried to let my mind wander over different things; things that happened this afternoon, things I saw and felt. Yet all of it was soon interrupted by the squelching of tires in the mud outside. I could hear Billy’s voice, it was easy to identify; but he kept it uncharacteristically low. Strange… of course I would soon understand why. Harry Clearwater had passed away. My father remained at the hospital with Sue as arrangements were to be made. Jacob of course asked me how I was feeling, and of all questions to ask. I was fine! Harry… Harry was not. I lay listlessly on the couch as Jacob went to retrieve my truck. We both agreed that it would be better if I was home when Charlie returned. Billy was silent in the other room. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that was not mine. It didn’t take Jacob long as the roar of my truck broke the silence before I expected it too. He helped me from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around my shoulder the entire time; especially when the cold air outside made me shiver.

It was a quiet ride, the cold air had woken me easily. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast. What if? What was the right thing to do? I couldn’t imagine my life without Jacob now – I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he had become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were… was it cruel? I would have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair to both parties. I would have to explain it right, so that he’d know I wasn’t settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew that I was broken, that part wouldn’t surprise him, but he’d need to know the extent of it. I would even have to admit that I was crazy – explain about the voices I heard. He would have to know everything before he made a decision. But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn’t even pause to think it through. I would have to commit to this – commit to him – commit as much of me as there was left. Would it be so wrong to try and make Jacob happ? Even if the love I felt for him was nothing more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving for Edward; would it be so very wrong?

Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be attuned to my thoughts. Though one arm had been draped over me through the drive; he threw his opposing around me crushing me against his chest. Again, it felt nice – as if I were a whole person again. I figured he was thinking of Harry, but then he spoke; his tone was near apologetic. ”Sorry. I know you don’t feel exactly the way I do Bells. I swear I don’t mind. I’m just so glad you’re okay that I could sing – and that’s something no one wants to hear.” He laughed in my ear as my breathing kicked up a notch, causing the flame to burn once more through the back of my throat. Wouldn’t Edward, indifferent as he may be, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances presented? He wouldn’t begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn’t want to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn’t the same love at all. I could feel Jacob press his warm cheek to the top of my head; and if I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips to his bare shoulder… I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight. Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life? Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head. And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward’s velvet voice whispered in my ear. ”Be happy.” My body froze. Of course Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door. Wait. I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward’s voice still in my mind. Suddenly storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck as the breath whooshed from Jacob as if someone had punched him in the gut.

”OH! Holy crap!” He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition in the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I didn’t know how he managed it.
”What’s wrong?” He had revved the engine too fast that it sputtered and faltered.
”Vampire.” He managed to spit out. The blood then rushed from my head leaving me dizzy and disoriented.
”How do you know?”
”Because I can smell it! Dammit!” His eyes were wild as they took to the dark street. He hardly seemed aware of the tremors that rolled violently from his body. ”Phase or get her out of here?” He hissed, clearly confiding in himself before looking down to me for a mere moment taking in my horror-struck eyes and white face. Then he was scanning the street again. ”Right. Get you out.” It was in that moment the engine caught with a thunderous roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward our only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house.
”Stop!” It was a black car – a car I knew. I might be the furthest thing from an autophile, but I could tell you everything about that particular car. It was a Mercedes S55 AMG. It was Carlisle’s car. ”Stop!” I cried again, louder this time, because Jacob was gunning it down the street.
”What?”
”It’s not Victoria. Stop, stop! I want to go back.” He stomped on the brake so hard I had to catch myself on the dashboard to keep from flying out the window.
”What?” he asked again, his voice taken back and his face horror struck.
”It’s Carlisle’s car! It’s the Cullens. I know it.” As he watched the dawn break across my face a violent tremor rocked his frame. ”Hey, calm down Jake. It’s okay. No danger, see? Relax.”
”Yea, calm. There’s a vampire I your house, and you want to go back?”
”Of course.” I said, my voice was blank with surprise at his question. Of course I wanted to go back! His face hardened while I stared at him, congealing into the bitter mask that I thought was gone for good. Just before he had the mask in place I could see the betrayal flash within his dark eyes.
”You sure it’s not a trick?” He asked in a slow and heavy breath.
”It’s not a trick. It’s Carlisle. Take me back!”
A shudder then rippled through his wide shoulders, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. ”No.”
“Jake, it’s okay-“
”No. Take yourself back Bella.” It was as if he slapped me across the face. I sat there dumbfounded as he didn’t listen to anything I had to say. Merely he put the truck in neutral and jumped out the door leaving it running. He sprinted into the darkness shaking so hard that his shape seemed blurred; before disappearing. I hadn’t even the time to open my mouth and call him back. Remorse pinned me to the seat for a long moment as I sat there. Before long I had slid across the seat and place the truck into drive making my way back to my home. It was very dark when I turned off the headlights. Charlie was in such a hurry he had forgotten to leave the porch light on and I began to fill doubt flood my very being as I slowly got out and made my way to the door fumbling for my key. What if it was a trick? I took a step inside and fumbled for the light switch. It was so black – like black water… Where was the switch? Just like the black water, with the orange flame flickering impossibly above it. Flame that couldn’t be a fire, but what then…? My fingers traced the wall, still searching, still shaking – suddenly something Jacob had told me this afternoon echoed in my head, finally sinking in…. She took off into the water. The bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That’s why I raced home – I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. My hand froze in its searching, my whole body froze into place as I realized why I recognized the strange orange color on the water. Victoria. The light flicked on, though my frozen hand still not found the switch. I blinked into the sudden light, and saw that someone was there, waiting for me.

She was unnaturally still and white; her large black eyes were intent upon my face. My visitor waited perfectly motionless in the center of the hall, beautiful beyond imagining. My knees trembled for a second and I had nearly fallen right then and there; yet somehow I managed to hurtle myself toward her.

”Alice, oh, Alice!” I cried as I ran head first into her stone form. I had forgotten how hard she was, it was like running head long into a wall of cement.
”Bella?” There was a strange mingling of confusion as well as relief in her voice. Instinctively I locked my arms around her, taking in as much of the sweet scent as I could. It wasn’t like anything else – not floral or spice, citrus or musk. No perfume in the world could compare. My memory hadn’t done it justice. I didn’t really notice when the gasping turned into more. I only realized that I was sobbing when she drug me into the living room couch and pulled me into her lap. ”I’m…sorry. I’m just…so happy…to see you!”
”It’s okay, Bella. Everything’s okay. I had forgotten just how exuberant you are.” I continued to bawl as I realized that for once everything was ok. I looked up at her, her tone was disapproving. Alice’s neck was tight, straining away from me, her lips pressed together firmly. Her eyes were black as pitch. ”Oh. Sorry.” I managed to breathe as I realized the problem. She was thirsty. And I smelled appetizing. It had been a while since I had to think about that kind of thing.
”It’s my own fault. It’s been too long since I hunted. I shouldn’t let myself get so thirsty. BUT I was in a hurry today.” The look she then directed toward me was a glared. ”Speaking of which, would you like to explain to me how you’re alive?” That seemed to bring me up short and stopped the sobs. I realized what must have happened immediately, and why Alice was here.
”You saw me fall.”
”No, I saw you jump. I pursed my lips slightly as I began to try and think of an explanation that wouldn’t sound utterly crazy. ”I told him this would happen, but he didn’t believe me. ‘Bella promised. Don’t be looking for her future either. We’ve done enough damage.’ But just because I’m not looking, doesn’t mean I don’t see. I wasn’t keep tabs on you, I swear Bella. It’s just that I’m already attuned to you… when I saw you jumping, I didn’t think, I just got on a plane. I knew I would be too late, but I couldn’t do nothing. And then I get here, thinking maybe I could help Charlie somehow, and you drive up!” She shook her head, this time in confusion her voice straining as she spoke. ”I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come back up, but you didn’t. What happened? And how could you do that to Charlie?! Did you stop to think what this would do to him? And my brother? Do you have any idea what Edward—“
I cut her off then, as soon as she said his name. I’d let her go on, even after I realized the misunderstanding she was under, just to hear the perfect silver bell tones to her voice. But it was time to interrupt. ”Alice, I wasn’t committing suicide.” She eyed me dubiously.
”Are you saying that you didn’t jump off a cliff?”
”No but… It was for recreational purposes only. I’d seen some of Jacob’s friends cliff diving. It looked like… fun, and I was bored… I didn’t think about how the storm would affect the currents. Actually, I didn’t think about the water much at all. So if you saw me go in, why didn’t you see Jacob?” Alice didn’t buy it. I could see that she still thought I had been trying to kill myself. ”It’s true that I probably would have drowned if Jacob hadn’t jumped in after me. Well, okay, there’s no probably about it. But he did, and he pulled me out, and I guess he towed me back to shore, though I was kind of out for that part. It couldn’t have been more than a minute that I was under before he grabbed me. How come you didn’t see that?” She frowned, confusion riddling her perfect features.
”Someone pulled you out?”
”Yes. Jacob saved me.” I watched curiously as an enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face. Something was bothering her – her imperfect vision? But I wasn’t sure. Then she deliberately leaned in and sniffed my shoulder. I froze.
Don’t be ridiculous. She muttered sniffing at me some more. ”Who was out there with you just now? It sounded like you were arguing.”
”Jacob Black. He’s… sort of my best friend, I guess. At least, he was… what?” She ignored my question tacked on at the end and continued to sniff at me. Alice nodded seeming preoccupied.
”I don’t know. I’m not sure what it means.”
”Well, I’m not dead, at least.” She rolled her eyes.
”He was a fool to think you could survive alone. I’ve never seen anyone so prone to life-threatening idiocy.”
”I survived.”
”So if the currents were too strong for you, how did this Jacob manage?”
”Jacob is… strong.” I gnawed on my lip for a second. Was this a secret, or not? And if it was, then who was my greatest allegiance to? Jacob, or Alice? It was too hard to keep secrets, I decided. Jacob knew everything why not Alice too? ”See, well, he’s… sort of a werewolf. The Quileutes turn into wolves when there are vampires around. They know Carlisle from a long time ago. Were you with Carlisle back then?” The conversation did not really progress any farther through the evening. Charlie returned home, more surprised than angry. I supposed he was harboring all his anger for another Cullen. I had convinced Alice to stay that night though she retreated for an hour to take care of her thirst and gather some clothing for the sleep over.

The next morning I had awoken to Alice and Charlie in the kitchen discussing many things. The first was how I was coping. Of course I wasn’t coping. I would never cope with the abandonment I felt. He had left me, claimed that he did not want me. How was anyone suppose to cope with something like that? Especially when you had given them everything you possibly could. It was hard to listen to Charlie tell the tale of my catatonic state; rather it hurt – it hurt to know exactly how much pain I had caused him. The tone in Alice’s voice was clearly one of gloom as she took in this new information. What would she say? What could she say? It wasn’t her fault, no it was never her fault; they all believed that they were doing me a justice – saving me. I remained silent; never moving as the pair spoke. Eventually Charlie began to speak about Jacob; how I had been improving while Jacob was around. It was almost as if there was hope in his voice; laced with a sheen layer of belligerence. He continued on in a defensive tone now as he explained to Alice about Jacob; though I assumed it was directed toward her to carry on as a message. She seemed happy enough as he spoke, and Charlie seemed to fold at the lack of opposition. Perhaps he expected an argument to ensue. So rather he changed the subject once again. It was hard for him to explain what he really saw; that he doubted I could ever heal from something like this. Which he was right. Charlie felt not as if someone had left me, rather someone had died; and he was right someone did die – I died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves; the other piece to my very soul. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family – the whole life that I’d chosen...

The conversation shifted once more, only this time Charlie brought up Edward. He was curious if he would return to visit. Of course the concern was evident; as I was sure he harbored enough anger for the both of us… though I could never be angry at Edward. Alice informed him flatly that he would not be returning, rather he was in South America. My body went rigid at this new information; though would I pursue it? Could I find him? Surely if I tried I could; though my College fund was scarce perhaps I could purchase a ticket to South America. I listened closer; to see if perhaps she would give away anymore information pertaining to his whereabouts – maybe something more specific. Only she did not. Though Charlie could not help to finally express his distain for Edward and for the first time I could hear the cold steel in Alice’s voice as he did so. Thus, the conversation between the pair was over. Once I was certain that no more information would be shared, I turned over bouncing against the springs to make them squeak as I yawned loudly. Of course everything was quiet in the kitchen. Charlie had to leave as he was helping Sue Clearwater with the funeral arrangements. It would have been a very long day without Alice there, who knows what sort of trouble I would have run off to find. She never spoke about leaving; and in all honesty I was too afraid to ask her. I knew it was inevitable, but I tried hard to keep that from my mind. Instead we sat and talked about her family – all but one. Carlisle was working nights in Ithaca and teaching part time at Cornell. Esme was restoring a seventeenth century house, a historical monument, in the forest north of the city. Emmett and Rosalie had gone to Europe for a few months on another honeymoon, but they were back now.. And Alice had been doing some personal research, concerning the information I’d accidentally uncovered for her last spring. She had successfully tracked down the asylum where she had spent the remainder of her human life. The life she had no memory of. Her name was Mary Alice Brandon, and she had a little sister named Cynthia who’s daughter was still alive to this day in Biloxi. Though she had hardly found any information as to why she was sentenced there. The date on her admission was the same one that was placed upon her tombstone. In such a situation I did not know what to say; and thankfully she moved on to lighter topics. Charlie did not return until after dark; and he turned in early for the night as he would be heading back to the reservation first thing in the morning for Harry’s funeral. Alice stayed on the couch with me once again.

Charlie was almost a stranger when he came down the stairs, he was wearing an old suit I’d never seen him in before. He tip toed out the door in an attempt not to wake us up as the sun had not even risen yet. Alice and I pretended to be asleep, until he was out the door. Alice seemed happy enough today as she inquired to what we would be doing. I realized that with all the time I had been spending in La Push I had begun to neglect my essentials at home. I decided to catch up on my chores. I wanted to help Charlie, make life easier for him in some way – I decided that if he were to come home to a clean and organized house it would be at least a little bit better. So I started on the bathroom as it showed the most signs of neglect. While I worked, Alice leaned against the door jam and asked nonchalant questions about our high school friends and what they had been up to since she left. Her face remained casual, emotionless as I relished what little information I could. I was sure she was disappointed at my lack of interaction and luckily I was saved from the conversation as the doorbell rang. I was literally up to my elbows in Comet when I looked to Alice at once. Her expression was perplexed, almost worried; Alice was never taken by surprise. ”Hold on!” I shouted in the general direction of the door, getting up and hurrying to the sink to rinse my hands and arms off. Finally Alice understood, and the look upon her face was one of frustration as her tone was severely annoyed. She couldn’t see werewolves; and thus she lightly kissed me on the cheek and departed through Charlie’s door to the window.

I sprinted down the stairs and threw the door open. It was Jacob of course. Even blind Alice was not slow. He was standing about six feet back from the door and his nose was wrinkled in distaste; but his face was otherwise smooth – masklike. He didn’t fool me; I could see the faint trembling on his hands and I could feel the waves of hostility that rolled from his frame; reminding me of that awful afternoon when he had chosen Sam over me – I felt my chin jerk up defensively in response. ”Hey.” I finally said when he refused to break the silence himself. He pursed his lips still hanging back from the door as he scanned the front of my house with his eyes. I couldn’t help but to grind my teeth in response. ”She’s not here. Do you need something?” He hesitated before responding to me. ”Your alone?” I sighed. ”Yes.” Jacob still stood there, and the waves of hostility still rolled freely from his form. It made me sad, and annoyed that he was acting like this. The Cullens were not like other vampires. ”Can I talk to you for a minute?” Why did he even ask me that? Of course he could. ”Of course you can Jacob.” Jacob glanced over his shoulder at his friends in the car. I saw Embry shake his head just a tiny bit. For some reason this bothered me to no end. ”Chicken.” I muttered under my breath. His eyes flashed back to me as his thick black brows angled over furiously above his deep set eyes. His jaw was set and he marched; because there was really no other way to describe it, up the sidewalk and shrugged past me into my house. Jacob was in the hall behind me as he stared into the mess of blankets in the living room. Of course he inquired, and I replied with the same level of acid in my tone as he was using. I didn’t like Jacob when he acted this way. It hurt. He continued to ask me where Alice was; and quiet frankly I was tired of it. Bluntly I spoke. ”She had some errands to run. Look, Jacob, what do you want.” Something about the room seemed to make him edgier as tremors rolled from his arms. So he moved into the kitchen allowing his dark eyes to dart everywhere. I had to place myself in front of him to get the questions he was here for. He didn’t like to be here, as he plainly stated it; that stung. So he moved on with the questions, he wanted to know if one of the Cullens was staying with me. I nodded. Then Jacob inquired as to how long. I responded. Finally he asked if the others were returning as well. This time I didn’t speak.

When I at last replied it was in a grudging tone, and his expression did not change in the least. Merely he stated ‘Okay. That’s all.’ I couldn’t help but to glare at him as annoyance rekindled in every fiber of my being. It was with that he left. I didn’t hear the door open as he left. It was a complete disaster; how could I have alienated Jacob so completely in such a short amount of time? Would he forgive me when Alice was gone? What if he didn’t? Would I be alone again? I slumped against the counter and buried my face in my hands. ”Bella…” I pulled my face out of my hands only to realize he had not left when I thought he did. Rather he stood in the door way to my kitchen hesitant. I didn’t realize I was even crying until the crystalline tear drops fell against my delicate skin. How embarrassing. Jacob’s calm expression was gone as he quickly closed the distance between us, crouching in front of me he lowered his face level with mine. He explained his reactions, and that they shouldn’t have gotten to him as he knew that I still felt for the Cullens… all of them. Yet, he would still be my friend. Through it all Jacob was still my friend. Though I could not have them both at the same time; I could at least still have them. So when Alice left, Jacob would still be mine. Jacob embraced me in a warm hug, before cupping his massive hand beneath my chin and made me look at him. He was right. It was easier when we both were human. There were no complications and treaties to keep us apart. We stared at each other for a long moment. His hand smoldered against my skin the entire time. In my face I knew there was nothing but wistful sadness and I did not want to have to say goodbye now, no matter for how short of a time. At first his face reflected mine, but then as neither of us looked away; his expression changed. Releasing me, he lifted his other hand to brush his fingertips along my cheek, trailing them down to my jaw. I could feel them tremble; but not with anger as he trapped my face between his two massive hands. No! I hadn’t made this decision yet. I didn’t even know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if thinking rejecting him now would have absolutely no consequences. I stared back at him as he held me there. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face, so familiar and beloved; and in so many ways I did love him. He was my comfort my safe harbor – and right now I could choose for him to belong to me. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like betrayal. After all who would I be betraying? Only myself.

The shrill ring of the telephone made us both jump as he had begun to bend his face towards mine, but it did not break his focus. He took one hand from my face rather and picked up the receiver, but still he held onto me securely with his other. His dark eyes did not free mine. I was too muddled to react; still undecided. Though soon after he went rigid as he began to speak with the other person on the line. His hand dropped from my face and he straightened up. Obviously whoever was on the other line was wishing to speak with Charlie. The answers and questions were short, sharp and soon enough the conversation had ended entirely; only to leave me to find out afterwards that it was Carlisle Cullen who was calling – or so I thought. I was furious, enraged beyond recognition; though I was sure it didn’t show. I was ready to yell to scream at him; but he was in too big of a hurry to leave, and stupidly I chased after him. His large form knocked me over as our legs became entangled, though he quickly jerked them free one at a time. He was nearly to the back door as I began to stand up where he then froze in place. Alice was at the foot of the stairs. She was dazed and faraway as her skin was whiter than bone. Something was terribly wrong. I placed my hands on either side of her face as she her eyes focused wide and abrupt with pain. ”Edward.” Was all she whispered.


***


There were so many rules that I was breaking right now. I left home, without a word to Charlie and traveled across the world itself in attempt to save the last bit of sanity I held dearly. I could not live without Edward Cullen. I was able to handle the pain of being alone; but the pain that would come from his death would be too much to bear. I would break. Alice’s visions were so clear, and that clarity frightened me. She explained that some things that she sees are in a haze; which in turn means the one deciding is not completely sure of these actions. Where in Edward’s case he was sure; he was absolutely sure on ending his life. By the time we reached Volterra he had already made his decision clear of how and when he was going to reveal himself. It would be up to me to save him, to save my heart from immeasurable amounts of pain. Edward had already asked for his life to be taken by the hands of the Volturi themselves; and rightly they denied him. Aro would never dream of killing such a prize as Edward. So Edward has now chosen the more dramatic path that will lead to his demise. Alice was certain that he would reveal himself in the center of the city in mid daylight. He would allow those that did not know about the supernatural world to see him for what he really was, and in such an action the Volturi would have no other option but to kill him. It was my job to stop him, maybe, just maybe if he saw me it would be enough. I was the only one he did not expect to come.

We began the steep climb, and the road grew congested. As we wound higher the cars became too close for us to weave insanely through them any longer. By the time we reached the top we realized that the parking lot within the city was completely full as was the exterior one. The color red was everywhere as we encroached the guard at the gate, and the people moved in one mass towards the entrance. ”Bella.” Alice spoke in a fierce low voice. ”I can’t see what this guard here will decide now – if this doesn’t work, you’re going to have to go in alone. You’re going to have to run. Just keep asking for the Palazzio dei Priori, and running in the direction that they tell you. Don’t get lost. Edward will be under the clock tower, to the north of the square. There is a narrow alleyway on the right, and he’ll be in the shadow there. You have to get his attention before he can move into the sun.” I nodded furiously at her instructions; rigid on the seat as she came to a stop near the guard. I was ready to bolt at the moment the words no escaped his lips. She angled the car perfectly so that she was in the shade and I was in the sun, before reaching swiftly behind the seat grabbing something from her bag. The guard came around the car with an irritated expression on his face and tapped at her window angrily. The pedestrians on the other hand stared at the pushy flashy Porsche. Alice rolled the window down halfway, and I watched him do a double take when he saw the face behind the dark glass. With little effort she pulled his hand into the vehicle; at first I was stunned – that was until I realized she was wearing a tan elbow length glove. Shoving a thick roll of money in his hand she let go of him. Luckily he stepped away from the vehicle and waved us on. The street was very narrow, cobbled with the same color stones as the faded cinnamon brown buildings that darkened the street with their shade. It had the feel of an alleyway to say the least. Red flags decorated the walls, spaced only a few yards apart, flapping wildly in the wind that whistled through the narrow lane. It was crowded and the foot traffic slowed our progress. ”Just a little farther.” Alice encouraged me, and still I was gripping the door handle ready to hurtle myself from the vehicle at any given moment.

She drove in quick spurts and sudden stops, and people in the crowd shook their fists in anger. No was the time I was glad I could not understand the hateful foul words they were yelling at the vehicle. She turned onto a little path that could not be meant for cars ; shocked people had to squeeze into doorways as we scraped by, and there we found another street at the end. The buildings were taller here; they leaned together overhead so that no sunlight touched the pavement. Alice stopped the car and I had the door open before we had even reached a standstill. She pointed to where the street widened into a path of bright openness. ”There – were at the southern end of the square. Run straight across, to the right of the clock tower – I’ll find a way around—“ Her breath caught suddenly and when she spoke again her voice was nothing more than a hiss. ”They’re everywhere! I froze in place but she pushed me out of the car. ”Forget about them. You have two minutes. Go, Bella, go!” she shouted, climbing out of the car as she spoke. I didn’t pause to watch Alice melt in the shadows. I didn’t stop to close my door behind me. I shoved a heavy woman out of my way and ran flat out, head down, paying little attention to anything but the uneven stones beneath my feet.

The was no pathway as I was blinded by the brilliant sunlight that was in the plaza. People were not so eager to move for me either. I pushed against them furiously, fighting the hands that shoved back. I could hear the exclamations of irritation and even pain as I battled my way through, but none were in a language I understood. The faces were a blur of anger and the ever present red. The throng jostled me around, spinning me in the wrong direction, yet I was so very thankful the clock tower was visible or I would never keep my course straight. Both hands on the clock pointed up toward the pitiless sun; and though I shoved viciously against the crowd, I knew I was too late. I wasn’t halfway across; I wasn’t going to make it. I was stupid and slow and human, and we were all going to die because of it. I hoped Alice would escape; seeing me from some dark shadow and knowing that I escaped. I listened hard above the angry exclamations; trying to hear the sound of discovery: the gasp, maybe scream as Edward came into someone’s view. Yet, there was nothing; a break in the crowd – I could see a bubble of space ahead and readily I flung myself into it. I had not realized it until I bruised my shins against the bricks that there was a wide, square fountain set into the center of the plaza. I couldn’t help but to nearly cry in relief as I flung my body into the icy knee-deep water. It sprayed all around me as I trashed my way across the pool, even in the sun the wind was glacial, and the wet made the cold painful. But the fountain was very wide; it let me cross the center of the square and then some in mere seconds. I didn’t pause when I hit the far edge- rather I used the low wall as a springboard to launch myself into the cluster of warm bodies. They moved more readily for me now that I was covered in ice cold water.

I glanced up at the clock again. A deep, booming chime echoed through the square. It throbbed the stones under my feet and children covered their ears crying from the sound. I had to do something; anything: so I yelled. With all my might I yelled for him, though the effort was futile. ”Edward!” I continued screaming, knowing it was useless. The crowd was too loud, and my voice was breathless with exertion. But I couldn’t stop screaming. The clock tolled again and I ran flat out past a child in his mother’s arms. A circle of tall men all wearing red blazers called out warnings as I barreled through them. The clock tolled again. On the other side of the men in blazers, there was a break in the mass of bodies, a space between the sightseers. I found my way past a family of four nearly taking them all down with me as I pressed forward, trying to see past the stinging tears; and still I called out to him. ”Edward, no!” But my voice was lost in the sound of the chime overhead. I could see him now, and I could see that he did not see me. It was really him, no hallucinations; no figment of my imagination to satiate the pain the writhed within me. It was then I realized that my delusions were more flawed that I’d ever believed: they had never done him justice. The clock tolled and he took a long stride toward the sunlight. ”NO! Edward, LOOK at me!” He wasn’t listening though he smiled very slightly. He raised his foot to step out directly into the brilliant sunlight as I slammed my body against him with all my might. It would have been enough to knock me to the ground if his arms had not wrapped tightly around me.

Edwards dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again.

Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle

[Orpheus Lake]

εδωαяδ αиτhσиγ мαςεи cυιιεи

Agony. Regret. Depression. Yearning. Despair.

The words meant nothing, and yet the feelings that came with them were devastatingly powerful. I tried so hard to be numb. To not care. To move on. It was impossible. She had changed me, altered me irrevocably. There was no life without her. No point. Everything was desolation. Everything was meaningless.

She was gone forever. Dead. I couldn’t think about it. And yet, it was all I could think about. I loved her so much, it possessed me entirely. I stopped hunting. My thirst could not compare to my need for her. A need that would never be fulfilled. I had been stupid and careless, and now I would pay for my mistake. To remember that I would cringe and push her away when she came to close and her scent became too much, and know that now I would never smell her or touch her or hear her or be near her again… it made me wish I had never been born. That way I would not know a pain like this. It was worse than anything I’d ever felt before. Easily a hundred times worse than the burning change into vampirism. Easily a hundred times worse than leaving her. Because there was no point without her. I could live without her if I forced myself too. It was difficult. It pained me. But as long as she was alive, I could do it. As long as, somewhere, she existed and breathed and smiled and laughed and lived, then so could I.

But I could not go on living in a world where Bella Swan did not exist. To do so was pointless. She was the core of my existence. She was the sun, and I was her planet. I circled around her endlessly, blinded by her radiance and beauty. Her warmth. But now she was gone. My sun was gone and I was a dead, frozen, lifeless planet that circled around an empty void.

There was no point.

I would never be cured of this. Bella was the one. I saw that clearly now. She was mine. My soul mate. My other half. There was no replacing her. There was no forgetting her. She was it for me.

And now she was gone.

There was no point anymore.

The Volturi had denied my request to die. And so now I would give them no choice. Whether they agreed or not, I would be nothing but ash by sundown.

The clock started to toll. The sun was the highest it would be. Now I could die. I would be freed of this agony. And maybe…just maybe I would find myself somewhere where Bella and I could be together once more.

I began to step from the shadows, when something odd happened. I swore I could hear her voice. Like she was calling out to me from somewhere near by. But I knew this was false. Bella was dead. She would never call out to me again. I continued moving, and was just about step into the sunlight when, suddenly, something slammed into me. There wasn’t much force; I wasn’t pushed back, just stopped from moving forward. I opened my eyes, and looked down. As if my dreams had come true, there she was. Bella. She was in my arms, looking up at me. Something about her expression seemed off, but I was so happy to see her that I didn’t waste time figuring out what was wrong.

“Amazing. Carlisle was right.” I stared at her in wonder. I brushed my hand gently across her cheek. Her skin was still so warm. Her scent was still so irresistible and enticing. Her face still so beautiful. She felt so incredibly real under my fingertips. I had to be dead. It was incredible. “I can’t believe how quick it was. I didn’t feel a thing – they’re very good.” I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against her sweet smelling hair. Her scent burned down my throat, but instead of shying away, I welcomed the ache. To think that I used to be bothered by it! It seemed odd though, that even in death I should be bothered by her scent. “Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty. You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this is hell. I don’t care. I’ll take it.” Whatever it took to be able to spend my time with my love again.

But then she struggled in my arms, saying that she wasn’t dead, and neither was I, and that we had to move, because someone wasn’t far away. This confused me. I furrowed my brow, looking at her closely. This didn’t seem like something she would tell me if we were both in some sort of after life. “What was that?”

“We’re not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi –”

“Looks like we won’t have to kill him after all. What a shame.”

I didn’t let her finish. She didn’t need to. I dragged her away from where we stood, practically in the open. I sensed them, I could hear their thoughts. I knew she was telling me the truth. There could not possibly be a group like the Volturi in the after life. Which could only mean they hadn’t killed me yet, which meant Bella really was alive. But I had no time to feel relief, because the guard was everywhere. This display was not looked upon kindly, and there would be repercussions for threatening the safety of Volterra.

I forced Bella back against the wall of the dark and secluded alleyway, and I stood protectively in front of her, facing towards where I knew they would be coming. I could hear their footsteps, coming in fast, side-by-side. “Greetings, gentleman. I don’t think I’ll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters.”

Felix was the first to speak. “Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?”

I tried not to grimace, but I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice. “I don’t believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven’t broken any rules.”

Next was Demetri. “Felix merely meant to point out our proximity to the sun. Let us seek better cover.”

I did grimace this time. There was no way to avoid a meeting with Aro. But hopefully I would be permitted to go alone. “I’ll be right behind you. Bella, why don’t you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?”

Felix tensed. “No, bring the girl.”

I couldn’t pretend to be polite anymore. I’d finally gotten Bella back; I was not about to lose her again. I shifted forward only slightly, prepared to protect her. “I don’t think so.”

I heard her objection, and shushed her quietly. If she would remain quiet, I might be able to get her out of this.

Demetri had not lost his polite façade. “Felix,” he cautioned, “Not here.” He turned back to me. “Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all.”

Reasonable enough. “Certainly. But the girl goes free.”

Demetri sighed, his eyes showing false regret. “I’m afraid that’s not possible. We have rules to obey.”

“Then I’m afraid that I’ll be unable to accept Aro’s invitation, Demetri.”

Felix purred his excitement, but Demetri sighed. “Aro will be disappointed.”

“I’m sure he’ll survive the letdown.” I replied coldly.

I heard Alice’s thoughts before I heard her approach. I turned my head in the direction she was coming. Her thoughts were a jumble of nerves and anxiety, but she exuded such calmness and grace that my heart flew to see her. She was a soothing sight to my stressed eyes.

“Let’s behave ourselves, shall we? There are ladies present.” She danced gracefully to my side, in front of Bella. Though I didn’t relax physically, there was a large mental weight lifted off my shoulders. With a mind reader and a psychic present, there would be no way Felix and Demetri could take Bella by force. But I couldn’t let them know of their disadvantage.

At Alice’s reminder that we were still in a fairly public place, Demetri glanced to the square, where a family was watching us curiously. What a sight we must have made. Demetri shook his head, impatient now. “Please, Edward, let’s be reasonable.”

I scowled. “Let’s. We’ll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser.”

Impatience gave way to his true frustration. “At least let’s discuss this more privately.”

More people closed in on the alleyway, much to my dismay. They were endangering their lives, coming so close to a stand off between vampires. Felix and Demetri smiled, and I tensed even further. That was, until I heard a voice I recognized with dread.

“Enough.”

Fighting was not an option now, not with Jane here. She could have Alice and I laid out and writhing on the stones the moment the thought popped into her head. And Bella…I would not let her feel that pain. I dropped my arms and relaxed my stance, knowing we had been defeated. I would have no choice now. Bella would have to come with us.

“Follow me.”





I refused to let Bella go. Perhaps I was being a bit ridiculous. I noticed, vaguely, the looks she and I received on the plane, enthralled as we were with each other. I kept her in my arms, as close as she could be to me without sitting on my lap. That would have been just a bit too much for the people to handle. I breathed in her scent, and was relieved by the effect it had on me rather than anxious. If it was a choice between aching over her scent for the rest of eternity and not having her there at all, I would suffer the burning. I would take it gladly if it meant I would never be without her again. Her “death” had truly put things into perspective for me. I knew now that I had been a fool before I left her. But I also knew that, had I never lost her in the first place, I would not have the self-control that I had now. In this moment, I knew what it would be like fore me to lose Bella forever. I think, without that lesson permanently and painfully engraved in my memory, I would still be a ridiculous fool when it came to her. I knew now that I would do whatever it took to never lose her again. She would live a long, healthy life, and I would see to it. The world could not be rid of Bella Swan before her proper time.

I felt the heat of her skin. I traced the perfect planes of her fact. I inhaled the scent and was satisfied at the very real burn it caused in my throat. I wondered idly if my consistent touch was making her cold, and I hoped fiercely that it wasn’t, for I was not ready to let go of her. I never would be. If I could, I would keep her in my arms forever. It was where she belonged.

But, was I too late? Had she moved on? Did she belong to someone else now?

All of my family was there to greet us at the airport. Esme ran to hug Bella, whispering her thanks in my love’s ears. I did not let go of Bella as she hugged my mother. I couldn’t. I wasn’t ready.

Then Esme threw her arms around me. I knew from her thoughts that she wished to be furious with me, but her relief overshadowed every other emotion in her mind so intensely that it was hard to take her fury serious. “You will never but me through that again.” It was almost a growl.

I couldn’t help but grin. “Sorry, Mom.”

Bella mumbled a reply to Carlisle’s thanks, and Esme turned to me. “She’s dead on her feet.” She scolded. “Let’s get her home.”

We walked towards the car; I was easily supporting most, if not all, of Bella’s weight. How long had it been since she had slept? Since she first found out I was in Italy. Waves of regret hit me with the force of a hurricane. I would never forgive myself for putting her through this. All of this.

But that regret was swiftly pulled to the back of my mind when I saw who would be driving us. I tensed when I saw my sister, the cause of all of this mess. Esme noticed my reaction, and told me not to fight, that Rosalie already felt awful.

“She should.” I said through my teeth.

Bella, barely awake enough to talk, let alone walk, was the convincing factor. I would allow Rosalie to transport us, but I monitored her thoughts carefully. One insincere word, and I would kick her out and drive Bella home myself. Emmett would try to retaliate, but he couldn’t even catch me when running, let alone take me by surprise.

Bella seemed finally ready to sleep. She lay her head against my chest and closed her eyes, though her breathing told me that she was still fluttering on this side of consciousness.

“Edward,”

I scowled. “I know.” I knew her thoughts. I knew she thought she was sorry. Did she really forget that so quickly?

Luckily for her, she knew that I wasn’t the one she should have been apologizing to. She turned to Bella and apologized for all of this mess that she had created. Bella seemed taken aback, for she floated a little closer to consciousness. She forgave Rosalie, though her words were barely intelligible. Emmett chuckled from the driver’s seat.

“It doesn’t count until she’s conscious, Rose.”

“I’m conscious.” She protested more than feebly.

The sound softened my heart. “Let her sleep.” I insisted.

We pulled into Bella’s driveway. I heard Charlie’s thoughts come alive at the car lights. He was angry with Bella, and was prepping himself to confront her. I sighed, and took Bella into my arms, carrying her to the door. Charlie opened the door, fully prepared to unleash his anger, and then he saw me. That was when his anger turned to rage. Though it was less than I deserved, it irritated me slightly that he was so concerned with being angry at me that he didn’t notice Bella’s exhausted state. He could yell at me all he wanted. He could burn me at the stake if he wanted to. I deserved nothing less. But could he at least wait until Bella was asleep in her bed?

She reasoned with him, however, and he allowed me to take her up to her room. She was asleep before I got to the stairs, and I had to gently pry her hands off of my shirt. She moaned in her sleep, and I sighed. I knew Charlie was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs, preparing an onslaught of threats in his mind. I steeled myself in her beauty, and kissed her forehead. I went over to her window and opened it, and then turned around, walking out of Bella’s room and closing the door behind me. Charlie verbally abused me all the way out of the door. He wouldn’t listen to my apologies, and wouldn’t even give my false explanation a chance. In the end, he settled on screaming that if he ever saw me on his property again, he would make sure I would regret it. I was to never enter his doors again. I had to hide my scoff. There would never be anything I would regret more than what I’d done to Bella.

I made sure Charlie saw me get into the car with my family, and then I asked Emmett to pull over once we were out of sight. I ran back to Bella’s house and waited in the woods while Charlie checked on her while she slept. I stayed there, still as a statue and completely silent, waiting for the police chief to fall asleep. Once his thoughts faded away to dreams, I moved out of the trees and crossed the yard. In two bounds I flew through the air, and swiftly maneuvered myself through Bella’s open window on the second story.

She didn’t stir to my arrival. In fact, she hadn’t moved at all since I had placed her in her bed. A tender smile touched my lips, and I laid down on her bed next to her. I couldn’t help myself. I wrapped my arms around her. She sighed happily, and I pulled her closer to me, to make sure she was real. She felt real in my arms, and, as I leaned down to kiss her throat gently, her scent burned my throat in a way that assured me.

She slept for a long, long time. She woke up about fourteen hours after her head had first hit her pillows. When she was awake, I had to convince her that everything she remembered had actually happened, and that she was not dread, or dreaming. I knew we had a lot to talk about, but I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to relive my pain yet, or hers. Things were so perfect right now. If only we could just forget it all happened and pick up from where we left off.

But I knew we couldn’t. She asked me what I had been doing, and it all came out. “I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn’t realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I’ll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James’s thoughts. But I just didn’t see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

“Not that there’s any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had toyou’re your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself…” I shuddered, losing my focus for a second. “Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for –”

She cut me off, and then gathered herself. Her eyes were pained, but her words were strong as she told me that I shouldn’t take her accidents so harshly on myself. But it was wrong. The way she spoke, she made it sound not like I loved and cared about her, but that I merely felt responsible for her. I tried to explain to her that whether he death was my fault or not, I still would have gone to Italy.

But she didn’t get it. She didn’t understand how irrevocably tainted my life would be if she were dead. I was in shock. “Don’t you remember anything I told you before?”

She looked at me seriously. “I remember everything you told me before.”

“Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I explained this clearly before. Bella, I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”

She was confused. I would have to explain this from the beginning, from where things must have stopped making sense to her.

“When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye…You weren’t going to let go. I could see that. I didn’t want to do it. - but I knew that if I couldn’t convince you that I didn’t love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you though I’d moved on, so would you. I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I’m so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn’t protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn’t work. I’m sorry.

“But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn’t want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!”

She seemed stunned by my words. I shook her gently. “Bella, really, what were you thinking?”

She still thought she was dreaming. “You’re impossible. How can I put this so that you’ll believe me? You’re not asleep, and you’re not dead. I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.”

She still did not believe me after that, and it took me a while longer to make her see. I first had to convince her that I would not leave her ever again unless it was what she wanted, and in order to do so, I had to tell her my reason for leaving in the first place. It seemed stupid, when I laid it out in words now. If only I hadn’t been such a fool, none of this would have happened.

“Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of life and reason…. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And then there was no more reason for anything.”

I explained to her that I had been tracking Victoria, but I had followed a false trail down to Brazil whilst she came to Forks for Bella. Then we talked of the Volturi, which then led to a discussion about what we were going to do about that whole situation.

Even now, Bella simply did not understand what she was going to give up. She didn’t grasp all that she would leave behind. And she didn’t listen to me when I tried to explain it to her. I was about to launch into my argument again, when suddenly she was on her feet, demanding to go see my family. I set my jaw, looking at her sternly. She was wrong. Whether my family agreed with her or not, she was wrong. I knew it, but I did not argue. I took her on my back and ran her to my house.

Something happened to her on the way. I suppose she had an epiphany of sorts. Whatever it was, I believe it helped her realize that she was indeed awake, and everything that was happening now was real. And I also promised her that, in time, she would trust in me again. Trust that I would never leave her again. I had been stupid and foolish. I learned from my mistakes, and I never made the same one twice. She would see. It would just take some time.

Time which we had, apparently. My family voted in a democracy style, and Bella won her vote five to two. I brought her back to her house eager for anyway to save her. Or, if she were so eager to join me in eternal damnation, I asked that she do it right and marry me first. But there was no time to hear her answer, because Charlie awoke. Bella went to shower as I hid, feeling foolish and amused at the same time, in her closet. As I hid, the heavy scent of werewolf floated through her window, and then something else entirely hit my nostrils. In fact, if I had not been paying attention, I may have missed it due to the excess of werewolf stink. Though, with further investigation, I had to wonder if this scent was harder to pick up because it was wolf. Sort of. It smelled…strange. Like…flowers and smoke, and the forest after a thunderstorm. Earthy, but also sweet. I’d never known a creature to smell quite like it. Something about the smell alarmed and unsettled me, and yet, I wanted to know more about it. I wondered briefly if this is what humans felt like when they came into contact with vampires.

It wasn’t until Bella returned and gasped, closing her door rather abruptly, that I realized I had unintentionally stepped out of her closet and had moved closer to the window. When I turned to face her, she looked at me curiously, her face scrutinizing even further upon taking in my expression of alarm.

“What is that?”

She looked at me, confused. “What is what?”

Now that I was looking for it, I realized that this scent was all over the place. It blew in from outside, but it was also present in the house, and, most alarmingly of them all, in Bella’s room. I tensed, looking around to see if anything was out of place, answering her question at the same time. “That scent. It’s everywhere. I’ve never smelled it before…”

My eyes flicked back to her as she answered, a look of recognition suddenly on her face, mingling with the surprise. “Oh! I guess I forgot to tell you about Logan.” She paused, thinking. “He’s a lot like you. He’s a lot like Jacob too. But don’t worry, Edward, he knows Alice – well the human Alice, that is.”

This confused me. The creature with this peculiar scent, Logan, was like me and like Jacob Black? How did she mean that? He was an immortal with a mix of our personalities? He knew Alice? It seemed so coincidental. “What do you mean he’s like me and Jacob? He knew Alice when she was human?”

Bella pursed her lips, her expression thoughtful. She must have known this creature well if she were so familiar with his story. “Logan is... a mix between both worlds. Yours and Jacob's, and he's been around for quiet a while so please don't even begin with the new werewolf thing – I’m a magnet for danger, remember? Anyway, he came around looking for Alice; I guess he was the one who took care of her when she was human - when her parents exiled her to the asylum. He cares for her Edward; he's the one that changed her...”

I couldn’t believe she could tell me this so calmly. Did she not realize the danger this put all of us in? “You’re telling me…there is a hybrid here, in Forks, and he’s looking for Alice?”

She furrowed her brow pensively. “Yes. He's not going to hurt her Edward. He's lost without her...just like I was lost without you. I understand what he's feeling, the suffering and anguish that is caused from losing a loved one. But his loss was accidental, he was trying to protect her from James. He was trying to save her life. ”

My brow furrowed to match hers now. “James? From last summer?”

Hard as I may try, I remembered the tape James made last summer when he was set to kill Bella. On it, he mentioned Alice. So it seemed that this stranger did know Alice, if he could tell Bella so much information we knew now to be true.

“Yes, Alice was the one and only that ever escaped James' hunt... and that was because of Logan. If he had not turned her when he did, Alice wouldn't be here today. The only reason Logan didn't come back to her is because he lost the fight so to say... Really Edward what is so hard to understand?” She was impatient with me now. She sat down on the edge of her bed and looked at me with slight irritation.

But I couldn’t move. I couldn’t wave off her annoyance easily. She didn’t know. Hybrids were often thought of as lore in our world. Many vampires didn’t know such a creature could even exist. But thanks to Carlisle’s extensive research, I had heard the stories. The blood-type that allowed the bond was rare, but it did exist. And the monsters it created were uncontrollable. I remained standing, still as a statue, trying to process the danger. “Bella...hybrids are not like other immortals. They're not supposed to exist. They can be...volatile to the extreme, depending on the parents. Carlisle will find this fascinating but...half-breeds of his kind are very rare and not thought of highly among immortals. He's probably more powerful than me and my brothers put together...I don't like this, Bella.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, your opinion has been duly noted. Though I'm sure Alice will disagree with you; no one can turn away the level of affection he has to offer for her...” She paused for a moment in contemplation. “I just don’t see any danger. He was here protecting me, right alongside Jacob. I think your just over-reacting. We'll see what Alice has to say.”

I sighed. Bella didn’t know Alice’s past like I did. Not her human days, none of us knew those days well at all, no, I knew her in the years she’d spent with my family. I’d seen her at her best and at her absolute worst. Bella didn’t know that side of Alice. “He also is her creator, Bella. Alice didn't chose this life like you want to now. The fact that she awoke alone would give any vampire enough resentment for a lifetime, not to mention what she had to go through with Jasper. She may have some hostility for this ‘Logan.’ I don't know for sure though, she's always careful not to dwell on things that make her unhappy. ” I paused suddenly, my train of thought halted as I realized something Bella had said. I narrowed my eyes and looked intently upon her. “He's imprinted upon her?”

Bella appeared caught off guard by my question, her face falling to confusion for a moment. She obviously knew this story so much better than me, it didn’t make sense to her why I didn’t follow. Of course, my mind was dwelling on a thousand different things simultaneously. “Well of course he did! He is part werewolf, he imprinted on her while she was still human... It's not like Logan wanted your life to be hers either Edward. It was his only choice, what was he suppose to do? Let her die? Just give him a chance, that's all I'm asking...”

This is what halted my other noisy thoughts. When this creature had changed Alice, he had been in the same position I had been in last summer, and, ironically enough, he had faced the very same vampire. He had been stronger than me, though, and had made the decision I could not. He changed Alice in order to save her life. It occurred to me that if he had not made this decision, then I would know a life without my best friend, my fellow freak in the Cullen family. How would I have survived all of this without her? She may have been annoying at times, but I loved her like my sister. It was strange that I now had the chance to meet the creature responsible for Alice’s creation. I nodded my agreement. “Alright.” I turned to face the window and inhaled deeply. His scent was old, but not by much. In fact, had I noticed it right away, I probably would have caught it while it was still fresh. “He was out there for a while, at least two days, but then he left yesterday…probably around the same time I brought you home. I can follow the scent and take Alice to wherever he is.”

She uncrossed her arms and stood, moving toward me, excitement in her eyes. “I want to go too. I owe him an apology.”

At first I wanted to disagree for her safety, but I knew she’d only roll her eyes and continue insisting. I had to wonder what kind of relationship she’d formed with this mutt while I was gone. Had I been close to losing her to this creature? But no…wolves that imprinted would never be unfaithful to the object of their nature. Still, what did she do the required an apology? Then, once again, I had a delayed reaction to something she had said. “He helped protect you from Victoria?”

“Yes...” Looked like I had someone to show my gratitude to aside from Jacob Black. “Sam had requested his assistance in finding Victoria; but I guess she seems to have a knack for getting away. Edward, he was my comfort while you were gone. Jacob helped to ease the pain as well. But Logan; he was the only proof I had that you still existed... and I was the only proof he had for Alice's existence. He was going to stay, until Victoria was finished... and then he was going to leave to find Alice.”

I watched her with intense sorrow, feeling the pain he had caused her once again. It explained why she was so attached to him, though. He was probably the closest thing Forks had to a vampire after I had left with my family. But, rather than once again talk about how sorry I was, I sighed and rolled my eyes, an amused smile on my face. “As if young werewolves weren't bad enough, you also happen to mingle with one of the most dangerous predators alive on this earth. What am I going to do with you?”

Charlie was at work, but Bella and I still left from her back window. It was easier that way. There weren’t as many witnesses. With her on my back once again, I ran her back to my house. I didn’t slow until I was standing outside of Alice’s bedroom door. I set Bella down and knocked on the door.

“Is that Bella I smell? What’s up, Edward?” She asked as she opened her door. She narrowed her eyes at our windswept faces.

I sighed. “There’s someone Bella would like you to meet, but first I think we should tell you about him. Have you noticed that scent all around town?”

She grimaced. “You mean the wolves? Or the other one?”

“The other one.” Of course she would have noticed it. Logan had been everywhere. He’d even been around our house. He must have been very thorough in his investigation. “It’s a vampire-wolf shape-shifter hybrid. A tame one, apparently, and according to Bella he knows who you are. And who you were. He…he’s the one who changed you.”

I watched her face go slack and her eyes go blank. I explained everything I knew, and Bella chimed in some parts too. But the only place she’d be able to get the whole story would be from the source himself. “From what I can tell, he’s somewhere near the treaty lines.”

There is no reconciliation to put me in my place,
and there's no time like the present to drink these draining seconds.
But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you;
like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear.

And the day passed on like crushing weights,
for no man does it ever wait.
Like memories of dying days that deafen us like hurricanes;
bathed in flames we held the brand, uncurled the fingers in your hand
Pressed into the flesh like sand. Now do you understand?