[¤ Jin & Soyoung ¤]

[Box_a_plenty]

Familiarity broke into the fine, grail-like fragments that brushed beneath his skin. What it was had long since been identified as confusion, ailment, heartache, the symbolic representation by which tears were created, sadness, unwinding remorse, and how could he ever look pass the words, the phrases and the promises encircled by a meaning he couldn’t piece together when everything was so far out of reach. They were the infringements by which fairytales were mere scribbled illustrations of a hope slowly, but surely imprinting into him like an untraceable and untreatable wound that couldn’t patch itself together again. For all he knew, the unquenchable thirst wringing his throat as dry as a desert storm, the bruises that made parts of him diverge from the ideal exemplification of perfection, and the numbing, yet unfathomable recognition where sensations would be forgotten had, without a clue in the world, lingered on through each canal that made his heart beat wildly against his chest. It made everything come together into what was known as nothing but pain and utter misery.

He’d feel the rubble acting like glass against his skin, searing away and melting away - simply tearing away at the parts of him that couldn’t feel nor determine whether or not it was all a bad dream. The faintness of breath hitting thinly against his lips, the gritting of teeth recklessly struggling against the weaknesses that prohibited him to stand, and the blood that tainted, that swallowed him whole, and never let him go was like an anchor keeping him on the floor. Nails would dig harshly against the earth‘s surface, the very tips raw and barren like the heart that couldn’t muster up the willpower to get on his feet again. He tried, attempted and even went as far as to push himself to the limits, but when limits were merely choices only to what seem possible and reasonable, there was a tendency to disconnect with what he truly wanted, what he needed to do, and what he desired to prevail over. There was no other choice left for him but to bury his face in the mess he made and he thought maybe, for one reason or another, he’d accept that even when eyes pleaded for him to never give up and never surrender to those who were unworthy of his pain.

Jun stared at him from what seemed like a distance that went on for miles, his own fingers mauling into the dirt, straining to get a hold on reality when each strangled breath caught at his throat. He couldn’t get up, couldn’t convince Jin to do the same because Jin was so weak, so useless and so stupid for ever walking beyond the thresholds he didn’t belong in. The aches and insufferable torment that would be had was for him to endure in that lonesome corner of the world where his existence was only for the purpose of alleviating another’s pain. After all, what worth did he have if he couldn’t do all that he could to keep those he loved safe from harm’s way? Why keep him around when who he presented himself to be was only that of a child that couldn’t do as he was told, be who he was meant to be, and survive on his own terms without dragging another under the grounds where his faults laid? What was the point in living when he felt so dead inside? The numbing sensation traveling through ever nook and cranny in his body felt like maggots eating away at what might as well have been a carcass meant to be hallowed out from the day he was born. There was nothing left for him if he had kept hiding, if things were left the way it was because when he felt so lost and confused, it was like nothing else felt right.

Lying there, struggling to his hands and knees, glancing toward Jun’s haggard pale face, and catching a glimpse of the lethal figure that drew near: all of it didn’t seem right when it was as if he was stuck in his own nightmares. But it was alright, it seemed fine and he accepted being held captive in his dreams because so long as the villain honed his sights on him and no other, then he wouldn’t’ move, wouldn’t fight it in the slightest and wouldn’t chance that potent, undulated anger to direct onto another. He wouldn’t struggle against it because he was convinced whatever happened next was what was meant to be.

Though, as fate would have it, something would ring in his ear, vowing that the end would never draw near because it was just the beginning of a true nightmare waiting to happen when he heard his name. It wasn’t from Ayako, wasn’t from Jun, nor was it from Rae who he was sure would be the last person to call out to him in such a distress that twisted a knot in his chest. With what little strength he had within him, he lifted his head and it was like the adrenaline, the willpower and his reserves bolstered with an immeasurable strength, kicked in all at once as his eyes widened in both fear and disbelief at what he saw. He couldn’t believe what was happening because Soyoung wasn’t supposed to be there. He wasn’t supposed to get in the way, wasn’t supposed to try and avert Hunsoo’s attention from the one that deserved all that he had to wickedly offer because Jin didn’t want it that way.

A ragged cough rattled the cages of his heart, the blood that only indicated the unmanageable pain he felt when he pulled himself to his knees, sputtered out and joined the little pool of crimson that gathered onto the dirt floor. He was shaking so badly, his joints unable to function correctly when his face nearly found its way back into the ground. But he managed to catch himself, managed, with all his might, to look back at the scene that unfolded when Hunsoo shoved Soyoung out of the way. And for all it was worth, he was glade - so glade that Soyoung would be safe with not a single scratch on him. He should simply leave it alone and stop provoking Hunsoo to the point of no return. But Soyoung kept on pushing, kept on trying to stop the inevitable and all Jin could do was try to say his name. ‘Please Soyoung, stop.’ It couldn’t be heard, couldn’t be spoken out loud when he coughed with ever muscle that began to contract. ‘It’s okay. I can do this alone.’ It was what he deserved after all he had done. To experience the unbearable discomfort at his ribcage when he finally gathered himself to his knees, to feel as if he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, and how he couldn’t make sense of the world was like being withheld in a cage where his imprisonment took the form of his own body.

Because when he witnessed the lengths Soyoung would go through to prevent Hunsoo from landing another punch on his already tattered being, Jin felt responsible for a kiss that also brought about a confusion that lingered the longer it lasted. But he didn’t pay attention or at least he wouldn’t allow it to trail through his thoughts because he knew it wouldn’t end well if Jin just gawked at the scene as if a knife buried deep into his chest with its jagged edges dragging and brutally slicing down straight into his gut. He just had to move. There was nothing left but to move and yet, it was so hard and so difficult to force his body to do just that when he shook and trembled as his vulnerabilities sided with nature. Gravity was pulling him, grinding him down into the ground and leaving him in a heap of his own despair even as everything took a turn for the worst.

A fist sunk into Soyoung’s abdomen, the infliction itself seeming to transfer its pain onto the one who barely could keep himself on his feet. But he went up against gravity, plowed through the impossible and fought against the improbable, for he was never meant to stand, let alone take another step, yet Jin ran the short distance that barreled two bodies into a collision where Jin stood on defense, while Hunsoo tried his damn hardest to wring his hands around Soyoung’s neck. “You’re not hurting him ever again.” They stood at a crossroads where neither could land a single punch because their hands were tied in the collars of each other’s shirt, fingers either holding down an arm or grappling a wrist to prevent the advances that were never meant to be attained. There was laughter, or at least, what seemed like amusement behind the anger and the ferocity furrowing Hunsoo’s brows. “There won’t be an ‘again’ when the ******** dead.” What was said in a factual tone of voice had fueled his need to indict the cruelest and merciless punishment known to man. Jin had his own bout of determination within him, but as Hunsoo pushed onward, he found the tread of his shoes dragging back, its grip unable to withstand Hunsoo’s unrelenting strength. He was still far to weak, his head hazed by receptors going wild in response to many sensations that set off all at once. The dull aches, the throbbing in his head, the stings, pricks, and fiery embezzlement of his soul was stripped away from him the moment he lost his footing.

Hunsoo was able to break free of his grasp with knuckles condoning Jin another onslaught of pain snapping his head off to the side when the impact forced him on one knee. It kept on coming, the flashes of black and white nearly sending him to the state of unconsciousness when the second punch was had. What was supposed to subdue Jin permanently on the floor was only taken as a slap on the wrist, for Jin wouldn’t let him pass. He wouldn’t uncurl the fingers that tightly and desperately clung onto the other’s wrist because to do so would flood him and drown him with a regret he would never recover from if Soyoung were to get hurt any further. He’d die before that happened, accepted his demise before ever witnessing what wouldn’t have transpired if Jin hadn’t made yet another mistake. So he’d hold on as if his life depended on it, taking each mind-splitting strike to the face until Jun stepped in and hurled his body into the crook of the arm that was the driving force to Jin’s anguish. He got a few punches in, a kick to the pit of his stomach stumbling Hunsoo back a good distance away from them, but leave it to one of Hunsoo’s goons to surprise the blonde from behind as Seung turned him around and sent a solid hook to his jaw.

Everything went out of hand from there. Jun was putting Seung in his place, Ayako had already managed to subdue the other pathetic sap who laid on his back as a laced knee sunk into his chest. Smooth and lethal as it was, Ayako kept him from moving another inch with her knife threatening to slice his neck if he so much as breathed in a way that set her off. So it left only one for Jin to handle, the only one that mattered because, no matter what anyone did or said, Hunsoo wasn’t going to stop unless someone obstructed his path. And that’s what he did. Jin compiled the last bit of strength he had left in him and planted himself between Soyoung and his assailant who would never back down nor saw himself withdrawing from a fight Hunsoo dedicated himself to finish. From what he could tell, there wasn’t a single noticeable scratch on him compared to the nicks and bruises, the cuts and crude lacerations that placed a thin layer of blood over the exhausted features hidden under wet clumps of dark, thick strands of hair. Jin was slightly slumped over, partially lost in his own reality, yet the fraction of himself that could see Hunsoo coming and see the fury in his eyes was still able to brace himself for the worst. Knees that buckled for those significant seconds could only hold out for so long, and before the other could reach him, his entire system gave in to the rubble he had no choice but to kneel upon.

Downcast eyes were roughly lifted toward the ominous glow emblazoned by the smoldering flames set in Hunsoo’s glare. His hand fisted into Jin’s hair, another blow preparing to knock him out once and for all. But never did it really matter to him. Never would Jin blame anyone for his scars, for the pain he felt, or how weak he became because if he had a choice to do it all over again, things would never change between then and now; for the promises were still there and what he wanted, more than anything else, was to protect Soyoung just as Soyoung tried to protect him from his own self. He accepted whatever came his way, but within the nanoseconds it took for ‘judgment day’ to prepare its bludgeoning conviction, Jin saw a small opening that his body took without so much as a thought put into it.

Hunsoo’s fist came barreling down and with that, Jin lifted an arm to deflect the impact that would’ve put him down for the count. Jin took a hold of his wrist just then, pulling his adversary off balance, while he used that miniscule shift in gravity as a leverage to hoist himself to his feet as he pulled back and bent Hunsoo’s arm into an uncomfortable degree behind him, sending Hunsoo’s face first into the ground. It was a quick maneuver that required little to no strength on Jin’s behalf as his foot served as an anchor that now weighed Hunsoo down. Like the handle of a slot machine inverted for the purpose of breaking some joints in two, Jin continued on adding one degree after another to the arm that was on the verge of dislocating at his shoulder. He was just so upset, just so frustrated with everything that went on, that controlling himself was the last thing on his mind.

If he broke his arm, if he so much as injured him in any way, then maybe that would send enough of a message for Hunsoo to leave Soyoung alone. It was just as Rae said after all, “If he values his own life, he'll go play big dog somewhere else,” simply run away with his tail between his legs; Nothing more, nothing less. A very convincing thought it surely was the moment grunts and curses resounded in a kind of pain Jin had silently endured when punch after brutal knuckle-bruising punch struck against his cheek. He didn’t stop, Hunsoo never intended to cease the infliction that nearly broke his nose and it was only fair of Jin to do the same. Tendons would stretch, muscles would strain, facial expressions would contort in the pain and disturbed anguish Jun, Rae, nor Ayako fought to stop whenever Jin pulled at his arm, stretched his shoulder and sank his heel along his spine because they knew he deserved it, they knew that no matter what the resulting factor was, it’ll all end right there and then. “Why are you hesitating?” It wedged into his system, the inquiry echoing in a tinge of malice provoking the mounds upon mounds of anger that held Jin back. But he didn’t notice. He really didn’t process the restraint as the thought had completely vanished when blood streaked and stained the face that atone to the confusion that shouldn’t have scathed his eyes. “Break him.”

“Stop it Jun. This is over. JiJi let’s just go.”

Go? Go where? What was she saying?

Listening became a chore that was unable to be indulged in. Usually, he’d master and enjoy the art in which communication was done in silence, but right at that moment, the delusions and confusion rattled in his ear with an echo that seemed to have perched a devil and an angel upon either side of his shoulders. While the evils’ of his heart beckoned to hear Hunsoo’s anguished screams replay over and over again, the passivity of his soul scratched at the intended calling of a broken record being nothing more than a silent murmur that said nothing, sounded nothing and shrilled not a single horrendous note. Bones stayed in tact, tendons stretched but not to the point where damage would leave the other incapable of moving another finger, and for that, the unwillingness to finish what Hunsoo started staunched the flow of blood through his brain. What was he supposed to do? What was right and what designated his actions into the realms of everything that was simply so wrong? Why was it hard to make a decision when Jun said what was needed to be said to break and tatter what has already inflicted so much unwanted pain? It didn‘t make sense and he wished it did, but continuing on with what he wanted to do, what he needed to do and what should‘ve been done without resistance seemed so wrong. “If nothing’s done now and you walk away, all this s**t is going to come back and haunt you sooner or later.” And it was true, wasn’t it? “Just shut up Jun. You‘re making things worse.” Worse? How could it get any worse than what has already transpired? Why should he render himself silent when the blood and the battered image in front of him twisted at the blonde’s heart? “Break him apart, that way this ******** doesn’t have the chance to do the same to you. It‘s what payback is, it‘s what revenge is, it‘s what you wanted to do when you came here, wasn‘t it? So do it. Do it now!”

One twist of the arm was all it would take to hear the gut-wrenching screams everyone waited for, but it wouldn’t come. A cold gust of wind ran chills up and down his spine; a reminder to the uncertainties that were as bitter as the wintry isles of the Antarctic howling those empty gestures of the heart that froze in place and drew a stagnant air. It was like standing in the middle of nowhere as each and every direction led to the emptiness that resembled his thoughts, his mind, his heart, his everything that left him in place. When all directions led to darkness it was as if thinking wasn’t required and the best thing that was left to do was solidify himself into a solid statue.

But he could do it.

He could break Hunsoo apart but it wouldn’t help, now would it? There’s that part of him that would tell himself over and over again that everything would be alright, that everything and everyone would be safe and sound because nothing was going to get them into the raging fires that anger and spite let on. “Nothing’s going to change.” Should that piece of him stay or should it go? Should the madness stirring below the wretched carnage of his open-wounded heart cling on to the venom that continued to sink his heel into Hunsoo’s back? Should it all end here so that changes could come about the way he hoped it would?

Thinking is the greatest torture for most people, and Jin was no different to experience such torment unfurling a storm in his head. Jin could only stare down emptily at the bracelet that meant so much to him with its colors signifying a future full of possibilities. But it was stained in specks of blood, the purity of each thread seeming to dwindle in the darkened heap where his heart use to reside. And for some reason, it angered him to where a grunt and a hiss of discomfort sounded down below when Jin unconsciously added yet another degree to Hunsoo’s arm. Just one more yank, one more excruciating pull of the limb would change everything from there on out, and anyone could see it in his eyes, the contemplation stirring in his dilated pupils abused by an over-dose of adrenaline.

“The police are coming.” Because apparently Ayako put on a convincing act in calling the authorities when Jin lost himself in his own thoughts. “Ryo is just around the corner to pick us up, so please Jin, let’s forget about all this and leave.” But how!? How can he possibly forget when everything reminded him of what happened, of what Soyoung’s entire body had to endure, and of the blood that drove him insane. It was as if he couldn’t breathe, but he kept his stance going strong in hopes something in him would snap along with the arm he held onto.

He just needed another second to think, he needed that one miniscule second to encourage him that no matter what, punishment needed to be administered to the one who didn’t deserve to leave the scene unscathed.

[Nymphella]

X
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Physical pain.

It was something that when strong enough, it was merciful enough to fuzz your perception of it as well as what was happening around you. It was a solace Soyoung abused in many cases, waiting in anticipation for the moment his eyes would black and a nothingness would cool his fired senses. It was a defense mechanism, so to speak, when a situation was so far out of your control that you knew the only way to mentally protect yourself was to mentally disappear. Perhaps it was bad, considering that once you enter that unperceived darkness you have no control of what happens to you afterward, but it wasn't like Soyoung usually had a choice when his body's will was stronger than his mind's. But this case was very different. This situation wasn't just him in an alleyway with bullies surrounding him and only causing harm to no one but but him. Rae was there, Ayako was there, Jun was there, and Jinhwa was there.

He couldn't allow himself to pass out!

Vision warped and hazed the more the pain in his face and abdomen grew with the seconds, the way the searing sensation pounded at his skull. He didn't understand because he could speak only moments ago, however unsuccessful it was. But with each passing second, his body fought harder and harder to escape the terrifying reality around him as strength would leave his limbs every now and then in the severe bodily attempt to incapacitate. Voices were slightly registered, Jinhwa's own sounding nearby followed by the much harsher, raspier yells of Hunsoo's own. Hearing such a voice alone succeeded in sending that hated chill down Soyoung's spine, wanting nothing more than to be far, far away from it. But he couldn't. Jinhwa's breathing and grunts echoed in his mind as Soyoung tried to lift himself with eyes crossing, head lulling to and fro. Hunsoo truly knocked the hell out of the boy, those previous punches twisting Soyoung's head so far to the side that his neck was surging with a powerful ache all its own. Lifting his head alone was a specific chore that caused shooting pains every time he attempted, bringing him to his elbows on the ground once again with every try. And the pain only worsened his body's need to fall to the floor and not comprehend a single thing around him.

There was so much commotion around him that he couldn't see and could only barely hear as he fought to stay awake. The feeling of someone's arms encasing him did its job in helping him to lift but instead of being put on his feet, he was turned and rolled into Rae's hold as the male spoke things Soyoung didn't quite get. And the feeling of the arms only worsened his desire to sleep, to mentally disappear. Sooner than Soyoung knew or comprehended, things quietened with the occasional sound of Jun's voice, then Ayako's, then Jin's. How Soyoung tried to differentiate the words, only catching "break", "over", "do it", "change"....But his favorite was the last one that echoed in his mind. Even though it was spoken with a completely different meaning, insinuating a world of pessimism Soyoung wanted nothing to do with, his heart wanted the word for something different.

Change...

It sounded so pretty in his whirling head, eyes barely open by a centimeter. He wanted things to change, to not happen the way they've been happening. He wanted it so much that when Ayako's voice said something about them leaving, he was able to muster enough mental willpower to croak something.

"I...want...leave..."

But his mind took his own broken statement far too literally and he did leave, if only temporarily. Eyes shut all the way as his body went completely limp, his mind shut off from the excruciating pain pulsing through him.

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Nothing.
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Then something.

Warmth of some sort. Particularly on his cheek and expanding up to his forehead. The slow realizations made eyes move around in their sockets before lids separated to show lulling irises rocking slowly from side to side, a moan indicating his consciousness that would soon come to completion. "Soyoung?" He knew that voice. He knew it so well and it sent such a wave of comfort through him that he wanted to see where the voice came from. Eyes finally opened to see but not fully register Key's features hovering above him, eyes red and watered as a thumb softly padded across Soyoung's unharmed cheekbone. He could not yet gather what was going on, where he was, or why he felt a dull pain everywhere but he didn't try to think much when that hand made him feel so safe, so watched over, and so loved that he subconsciously leaned his face further into the hand that was there for him. "Oh Soyoung!" Key softly breathed in an anxious sigh of relief, a tear falling from the shake of his chest. Even though the call of his name sounded so sad and scared, Soyoung loved it. Selfishly he relished hearing his name being spoken in such a worriment, as if someone wanted him to be ok, to be alive. It only made him turn his face and bury his nose into Key's hand as if it was the only thing in the world he needed. "My god. I'm so glad you're awake," Key spoke ever so softly as Soyoung didn't bother to open his eyes again, nuzzling contentedly in Key's palm. "Just continue to rest. I'm going to get you an ice rag." And just in that moment, Soyoung's eyes shot open as Key's hand was removed from his side and the idol was standing and turned around walking away.

"Kibum!" he called in an airily panicked voice not much louder than a whisper. Key stopped in his tracks and turned. "What is it?" Key asked in worry. But near Key's image, Soyoung saw something else. Something that for some reason he didn't quite get just yet sent him a message saying stop right there. Yeongsu stood there with watchful eyes, whether they were watchful in concern or anger was beyond Soyoung's discerning because the group leader's image, to him, would always equal hatred for the boy who called his lover's name. Nothing else. In that moment, as Soyoung's big eyes twitched back and forth from Kibum to Yeongsu, he realized he couldn't beg Kibum not to go anywhere, to put his hand back on his cheek. He was dumbfounded in the moment, even though there was no logical reason to feel that way, and so all he could manage to say was: "W-Water..."

Key sighed in relief. "Way ahead of you, Soyo," he confirmed softly as he made his way back to the bed that was foreign to the boy, reaching to the side to open a water bottle he had long since place there and opening the paper sealing of a straw he provided as well. But as Soyoung watched it all take place, he could see another's image in a bed not far from him and suddenly the memories soared back to the forefront of his mind, explaining to him why he was there and why he was hurting all in a single second that served as another punch to his face. "Jinhwa!" he called out in another panic as he realized who was lying hurt in the bed across from him. Soyoung instantly flipped the covers off of him and practically jumped out of the bed, his feet landing perfectly on the ground as he began to walk toward Jin. But it was such a wrong move. All in that one maneuver, the pounding pain in his head resurfaced as his battered abdomen contracted in excruciation that nearly doubled the boy over. One hand grasping at his head and the other clutching at his stomach, Soyoung let out a notable rasp of a groan that set Key's instincts on auto. Soyoung swayed and was ready to fall to the floor before both Key and Rae grabbed at either side of the collapsing Soyoung whose jaw dropped due to the sudden blast of pain, eyes squeezed shut and brows pinning in a distorted expression.

Everyone who saw and felt worry voiced their concerns and demanded that Soyoung lay back down. "Jin's fine, okay? He is fine so just lay down and relax. Please." But before Soyoung could take their word for it and lay back down, there was a turn of his stomach that brought internally accumulated blood up through his esophagus and out his coughing mouth. Blood spluttered out and littered his chin and lower lip amidst a couple of hacks. But far louder than the coughs was Key's shrill intake of air. "Y-Yeong!! He's-" but before Key could further panic, the raven as calmly as he could explained that spitting up blood is normal and it's nothing to worry about since so much time has passed and that was the first occurrence of it. If the internal bleeding was bad, he wouldn't have been regurgitating it far sooner. But after all the time that had passed, it simply pooled within him and was disturbed by his abrupt standing. "You hear that, Soyoung?" Key asked coaxingly as he guided him back into the bed, but not succeeding in making Soyoung lay down. "Yeongsu knows what he's talking about and I trust him. You're just fine, okay?" But Soyoung wasn't too worried about it since it had happened before and he could only guess that the veins and vessels in his stomach were made out of a thin layer of film. But he hated the way blood tasted and he wanted to spit it out, giving Key a hard time in getting him to lay down.

"But I..." his mouth felt disgusting, as if something was wrong. The blood made him feel queasy and he was still fighting slight delirium as all these memories rushed back and tortured his throbbing face and skull. Flashes of Hunsoo's face in such close proximity, the slimy feeling of saliva gliding across his tongue as rough taste buds seemed like sandpaper upon his own...The memory resurfaced far too fast for Soyoung's own good and the boy clutched at lips with curving fingers as his chest rose and fell at the beginning of hyperventilation. "He...he...he!!" he began to pant as the detailed memory replayed in his mind, unable to speak quite right just yet. Key grasped at the boy's shoulders trying to calm and shush him, pleading that he lay back and relax. But none of it did any good, even with Rae's hand softly stroking his back, because Soyoung's eyes welled in hot tears. "Shhhh..." Key hushed with a soft grasp at the uninjured side of Soyoung's face. "H-He k-kissed me back!" he expressed in an airily shaken voice that exemplified terror and nothing else. "I-I didn't...I didn't think..." "Shhh!! I know, I know, Soyoung," Key proclaimed as he pulled the boy gently to his chest and stroked softly at his hair. Considering Rae gave him the best low-down of what happened, the frantic claims from Soyoung's lips didn't confuse Key in the way it would have had he not been informed of all that happened.

Even though Key's embrace felt so comforting and so addictive, he had something else on his mind: purification. He wanted to be cleansed, to feel like it never happened because his entire mouth felt so revolting that he didn't care how much it hurt to move. He tried to push away and ease out of Key's arms. "I have to...I need..." "Just calm down, Soyoung! Tell us what you need. We'll get it for you! Just lay back and relax. What do you need?" Soyoung's free hand's fingers clutched into Key's arm as the other continued to clasp at his mouth as if trying to hide that it even existed. "M-Mouthwash...acid, fire! Anything..." "Shhh...I'll get you some mouthwash. Breathe, okay? You're safe and there's no reason to panic anymore." And as Key pulled away, Rae put his arm around Soyoung's shoulder as he sat right beside him, the other arm wrapping around the boy's front and pulling him closer in. As Key retreated to obtain the item, Rae made sure to be there. "Ya know, man..." he said softly but seriously. "That mouthwash is gonna hurt like a ********. The insides of your mouth is all roughed up from the blows." "I don't care," Soyoung expressed with eyes that winced. "Particles of h-his saliva are still-" "Okay, okay, man. I just had to warn you, that's all. It's cool. Everything's cool." Soyoung continue to harshly breathe as his head leaned onto Rae's shoulder.

"I-I'm just...I'm just glad it worked..." Soyoung's eyes rolled up to look at Jin across from him, pleased to see that doing such a traumatizing thing with Hunsoo did indeed prevent Jin from getting too further injured. "It did, buddy." WHy did something that meant so little to other people mean so much to Soyoung? Regardless of its reasons, it was just a kiss. But to Soyoung, it was so heart rendingly scarring that every other moment he'd flashback to the feeling and clutch at Rae's knee. But it didn't take long for Key to return with the mouthwash and a bowl to spit in. "You're positive? It's gonna burn..." But Soyoung had already taken the bottle and doused his mouth in a helpful serving that sat dormant within puffed cheeks until the burning, searing, and seeming charring distorted his features once more into a grimace until he couldn't take the pain any more and spewed the substance out into the bowl before him. The lacerations in his mouth seemed like they could have been bubbling from a heat as lips hung open above the bowl, the blue mouthwash dripping drop by drop from his tortured lips and stinging the cut corner. Fingers clawed into Rae's knee as he let out another groan of pain, brows digging deeper down than ever before. "Uhm...Feel better?" To everyone's surprise, Soyoung's head nodded in a tight-eyed confirmation because every second of pain meant more germs and bacteria from Hunsoo's very own mouth were being killed. "Uhh...I'm gonna need my knee later, bro..." And with the mention, Soyoung released his hawk's talon-grip on the boy's aching knee and wiped his mouth with that hand.

"Now will you please lay back? The less you fret, the less you'll hurt." "But...Is he really okay?" "Yes, Soyoung. See for yourself," Key proclaimed as he topped the bottle of mouthwash and set it as well as the bowl to the side, a murky purplish hue wading within due to the mixture of blood and blue. Soyoung looked past Key's body to look at the sight for sore eyes that was Jinhwa. Face swollen and cut, just looking at him radiated the pain he must have been feeling onto Soyoung's own damaged face. Soyoung sported a black and blue left cheek, but he had been lucky to only have gotten that. Looking upon Jin's image sent the memory of his fallen body back to Soyoung's mind. He remembered Jinhwa couldn't get up, and he remembered the blood, but most of all he remembered why it all happened. He remembered the start of it all. It was Soyoung. It was all Soyoung.

But it wasn't only Jinhwa who had been there in harm's way. Jun was there, Ayako was there, and Rae was there. Any of them could have gotten severely hurt and it all would have fallen back on Soyoung's shoulders and the sudden realization created that crease between his brows as distress carved his features. He was always responsible for the harm of others and his mind keep going on and on in ways they could have gotten hurt, even if it didn't happen. They all must have hated him so much. And whether it was just his imagination or not, he could feel Yeongsu's scalding thoughts of how Soyoung does nothing but deter them all from the success they could have. Jun must have wanted him dead, Ayako must have wished Yeongsu had never chosen Soyoung as a dancer, and Rae must have been putting on an act of care because he had too good of a heart to show how he really felt. And Jinhwa? Well, he must have wished the pesky nuisance would have never imposed upon his life as if he had any right to. It was the way Soyoung's mind worked in such a state and it was like he could feel all this animosity weighing down on him and he couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything to regain comfort even as Rae's arm remained around him.

"I..."

He couldn't breathe.

"I-I..."

Where was the air that surrounded them all? Did it hate him so much too that it fled from his side? His chest bounced up and down as he desperately sucked in the air that didn't seem to be flowing in and he hicked and hicked as tears finally flooded his eyes the way he never allowed them to in a long, long time. It was bad. Crying was so bad for him because it only meant the emotion had become powerful enough to overtake his mental control and he scared himself when that happened. It was like he felt and heard his mind crack in an irreparable way and he was hearing it in that very moment. "I'm so sorry!" he managed as Key sat beside him on that bottom bunk, putting his arm around him to comfort him and tell him none of it was his fault. But Soyoung wouldn't listen and weakly balled fist tried to push both Key and Rae's arms off of him. "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!" The tears were pouring like acid rain and Key and Rae's arms were so relentless in regaining their holds on him that he had to give up as his head slumped to the side, agony mirrored in the way lips hung open in his sorrow. "Someone could have died," he groaned, not hearing Key's shushes. "Or gotten severely injured and I'm so sorry!" The more he spoke, the raspier his voice got in his sobs, his head lulling around in the sheer unadulterated depression. Shaking fingers pressed against Rae's chest in a pathetic attempt to push him away. "I should have just offed myself when I first thought about it but I didn't and I'm so sorry!" The words sputtered out of weeping lips but yet every syllable was heard crystal clear by everyone in the room. The distressed boy didn't even get the chance to acknowledge how many people were there or who they were and had he had his mind in the right place, he never in a million years would have said such a thing in front of anyone. But he wasn't himself. The tears he allowed loose had a power to make him say and do things he'd regret later, revealing those thoughts of suicide as if they were no big deal at all.

Suicide was never a situation to take lightly and before Soyoung could continue with his absurd apologies, Key roughly grabbed the boy's shoulders and jerked him to face the diva's frighteningly stern features. "Don't you ever say something like that! Don't you ever think something like that! Soyoung what happened today was not-your-fault!" "I don't care..." the boy whimpered. "Hunsoo's fault, Eunhae's fault, I really don't care!" The tears just fell, and fell, and fell... "It doesn't matter because it all boils down to the fact that I'm al-" "STOP IT!" Key yelled, grabbing Soyoung's chin and ignoring the wince of pain upon the bruise. He wouldn't allow Soyoung to say the word "alive", he wouldn't allow him to make comments of suicide, and he wouldn't allow him to think for a second that he was at fault whether directly or indirectly. Key pulled him harshly in against his chest and wrapped secure arms around the boy. "We all want you to be alive, so stop being stupid! Don't say things like that!" Soyoung's face was squooshed in and forced to turn to the side and his sickened eyes were able to look in Jinhwa's direction. How fake Key's words seemed then when the male in that bed would have been in perfect physical shape if Soyoung hadn't been breathing for the past two years. He was positive Hakkun didn't want him alive...And he knew of a few others he could list in his mind that would love if he was floating bloated in a river somewhere.

'What's been going on in your life since I haven't been there, Soyoung?' Key thought. He had no idea who Eunhae was or why Soyoung would randomly namedrop him, but he was beginning to realize that a lot in the boy's life had a occurred that Key was completely oblivious to. Soyoung had been hiding something.

◉

[Box_a_plenty]

Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices.

It was an ensnarement he couldn’t break away from, a cage forever bounded with not a hinge, not a bar, and especially not a wishful kind of hope investing solely upon the means of an escape that would never come. What he wanted to do, what he thought he needed to do, and what he really assumed was the actions that would relieve Soyoung of his pain, had only brought him closer to the guilt and torment slowly receding the small, dwindling speck of hope into nothing more but a wick without its flame. Darkness overcame, the battles were slowly lost, his fears were free to run rampant in a mental asylum he thought his mind hand demolished a long time ago, and yet, how could he ever kid himself that such an accurate representation of his own self could ever be destroyed. The demons lurking and clawing from within had the masks of his own reflection because how he felt, how he thought himself to be, how everything came together in a mess he couldn’t assemble again was who he was, how he was, and what he made himself become. An insurmountable darkness was what flooded every part of him that grew so empty and felt so hollow in an unimaginable loneliness that separated him from his own self. Whenever he thought about his options mingled with the intention to save Soyoung and the others who were so dear to him, Jin was convinced the resulting factor to Hunsoo’s faith was nothing more than what Jin saw crushed beneath his own feet. With its little pieces sprawled about the dirt floor, each tiny fragment of rubble and rock was the image that befitted the limb he wanted so much to twist in two. Because just like the once solid foundation he trained his eyes upon, Hunsoo would only be left to crumble against nature’s will, or suitable more along the lines of Jin’s mercy.

But he didn’t have it.

Because why would he show such mercy when it was a privilege Hunsoo didn’t deserve. He was monster after all, a demon beyond any satanic warlord in mythical existence, and a nightmare that harbored so much power over those who weren’t capable of physically defending themselves. What crossed Jin’s mind in enraged malice had all but deemed itself as what other’s would called his ‘just deserts’. Riddled with poison, sullied in acid, and drenched to the very core with lethal embellishments no one could ever recover from, was what decorated a kind of revenge Jin could, more than ever before, commence without feeling the guilt that restrained him. But it was so hard to fight, so hard to get Soyoung’s voice out his head when their previous encounter at the mall reiterated every warning and every plea he couldn’t escape from. While a part of him accepted what revenge horrendously brought about, there was still something - something he couldn’t place, something that was out of his hands, and something he was unable to control that prevented him from hearing what Jun had to say. It couldn’t be done. It was so wrong. His anger, the spite, the person that he didn’t want to become was finding its way back and Jin was absolutely sure that it was a side of him that was always meant to be forgotten. Everything was out of place. What boiled and churned at the pit of his stomach demanded he get it done and over with sooner rather than later or, just as Jun emphasized, everything will come back to haunt him again.

The chill of a blizzard, the rumbling signifying his impeding doom, a waking moment in time where nothing seemed right, the losses, his gains, the scalding tears, and the disruptive clash of thunder booming the consequences in his ear: they were misconstrued in a sense where thoughts agreed upon a weathering subject, yet managed to mesh in what seemed so confusing for Jin‘s mind to comprehend. If he destroyed him now then the damage would never be done. The tides, the raging tempest of absurd madness, and the whirlpool dedicated to nothing but confusion would either die down or mask itself like the calming of a storm. So either way, it was a lose-lose situation, added with it a mild case of success if Hunsoo was smart enough to stay away.

So would he?

Would Hunsoo stay away if Jin lost himself and shattered Soyoung’s nightmares like the rubble crushed beneath his feet? Would he take the hint? Or would he actually end up being Jin’s oppressive shadow who followed his every move until the day he found an opening to inflict the pain and inexorable shame Hunsoo inevitably embedded into his heaving chest.? The answer. What was the answer? What was he supposed to do? Jun was yelling one thing, Ayako was pleading another, and the possible scenarios rushing through his head couldn’t stop. It kept coming, it kept pestering, it kept crashing into him and he wish the ground could stop sounding the crunches of rubble that Hunsoo’s arm would soon resemble. So he should do it. He should keep Soyoung and the others safe! He should stop being the cause of the consequences that chewed him up and spit him out, for he never deserved it. Jin knew he was better than what he always turned out to be when anger controlled his every whim. But, he always wondered why did he seemed so lost when he tried to convince himself of that one true fact. For all he knew, what scrambled his insides had messed with his head. The figment of his imagination had now made noises so much more louder than they normally were because for one thing, hee thought the world was shaking. Jin really assumed the floor was rippling into shards of glass that shattered over and over, and over again. But just as Jin thought he was going insane, something in his peripheral vision stirred, a blur rising from the floor and causing the dirt to shift as the footfalls against the floor emanated the sounds of Jin’s delusions. "I...want...leave..." It was barely a whisper, hardly a note that anyone from a distance could decipher, but Jin could hear it loud and clear.

Just a second was all it took for him to forget about what he let go and what needed to be ‘chased’ after without a concern in the world. Because what he wanted was for Soyoung to be safe and to do just that could only be done if he was by his side. Or at least, that’s what his thoughts processed and what his body reacted to when he released Hunsoo from his grasp. Sure, Hunsoo would escape without a scratch. Of course, Jin would have his back to him and risk being knocked out cold by such negligence, but at least he made sure Soyoung was alright.

He didn’t know what kind of sign he was looking for when he knelt in front of the boy who was protected in Rae’s protective hold, but his solution to everything always relayed in his hands. Jin rested a battered palm upon the shallow rise and fall of Soyoung’s chest, eyes watching, fingers tracing the sensations indicating a life that wasn’t lost as a sigh of relief managed to escape his bloody lips. He was okay for the moment. Soyoung at least escaped the nightmares to a reality neither one of them felt safe in. Because, as shuffling quickly sounded from behind him, they all realized Hunsoo wasn’t going to ever walk away even at the brink of death. There wasn’t any time to react. With the seconds it took for Jin to look back, Hunsoo had already gathered himself to his feet and started toward Jin in a fury he’ll never be able to measure until knuckles shrouded his consciousness into darkness.

The oncoming rage would never stop.

There was nothing he could do but to expose the side of his body that could at least take whatever damage Hunsoo had readied himself to inflict. And just when his hair stood on end, everyone froze on command. Jun slowed his pursuit, the tension in Ayako’s face softened and, most noticeable of all, no ounce of pain was administered by the one who stopped in his tracks. “Go ahead baby. I dare you.” Murderous eyes, once burning in deranged fury, now looked down the barrel of a gun in pure trepidation. It’s owner stood behind Rae with an impish smirk that clearly and notably insinuated Ryo’s willingness to kill if given a reason to do so. “Oh look at the dilemma. Misunderstandings can get the best of people and it seems confounding anger is also to blame. Now where does that leave us? What should I do?” he playfully questioned with a chuckle that was unable to drown out the sound of the hammer he cocked back in preparation for the gun to fire whenever he saw fit to pull the trigger. “We’ve evaded the police many times before in the most uncompromising situation you could think of. A death of a thug won’t be anything difficult to recover from. So by all means, take a step forward and test the power of my sweet 45 caliber handgun.”

A big ego was a man’s true downfall, and by the clear reluctance Hunsoo display in taking that much needed step back and away from a fight already lost, it only came down to the conclusion that the idiot was going to fall where he stood. Ryo’s blood thirsty grin widened by a good fraction and when he was about ready to fire, two pairs of hands pulled him back from the biggest mistake of his life. “C’mon, it’s not worth it.” They were retreating back and the more they distanced themselves from the scene, the more the air thinned out for the minute it took for Junchin and Seung to practically drag Hunsoo out of the alleyway. From there, Jin could breathe again, but he just wished Soyoung could easily do the same without fearing for the worst.

He looked back at him with his hand still remaining on his chest as if it served as a reminder that Soyoung was okay and nothing more was going to happen to him or anyone else. “See Jun baby, I told you this water gun was well worth every penny.” Ryo demonstrated just how fake the gun was for precautionary measures because he didn’t want Rae thinking way beyond the context of a weapon that couldn’t even be considered anywhere near as lethal as the real thing. So water spurted out, but having to save face was the least of Jin’s concerns when his attention scoped in on the condition Soyoung was silently in. “He’s going to be alright. We just need to worry about getting out of here and getting both of you treated, okay.” Being receptive to those around him proven itself to be a difficulty thing to manage. He’d hear words, hear the way the tone of sincerity and sympathy fell from lips that were as remorseful as the expression that were but a blur to him. But, when it came to interpreting what was being said, he drowned it all out.

Instead of trying to figure their messages out, he thought it was best to simply take Soyoung into his arms despite the vocalized concerns that revolved around his deteriorating state. But Soyoung was light, he was easy to carry and not much of a strain on the muscles that were already numbed by the adrenaline still pumping fervently through his system. “I’m sorry.” The apologies went unnoticed with not a flicker of a lash acknowledging Jin’s existence. He could say everything he needed to say, but to no avail, Soyoung wouldn’t hear a word and maybe that was his punishment for putting this upon all those who warned him of the consequences that pained them so. Jin may have not meant for any of this to happen. He may have tried to stop it, but his good intentions couldn’t change the fact that Soyoung was unconscious, Jun’s arm had some nicks and bruises, Ayako was distraught more than every before, Rae was worried and…Jin was to blame. He silently look down at the face that naturally rid itself of the distress Soyoung had momentarily escaped from.

For some reason, it was strange to feel a sense of relief and comfort by just knowing Soyoung wouldn’t be bothered with everything that unfolded before them. If he was lucky, there would be no thought of Hunsoo, no thought of the pain, or not even a single thought as to how it all came about. It’d only be darkness or maybe even a nice reverie of the sort that would make Soyoung forget the realities of a life once overshadowed by his worst nightmare. He didn’t know if Hunsoo was coming back. He wasn’t entirely sure if this was just the beginnings of what was to come, but he was positive that, no matter where Soyoung was, Jin would always be there to protect him.


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Music was an escape.

He said it many times before, thought about it quite often, and referred to it as a remedy that prevailed over all. Although, he had to admit it was confusing how he could look back and always find himself escaping to whatever it so happened to be that caught his attention. It was confusing in a sense that it made him wonder how melodies and notes pulled him in without effort or strain.

For things weren’t always as it seems.

We’d reminisce about things unsettling and things incomprehensible, but, as life would have it, tunes and riffs were a treasured piece of a heart that couldn’t let him go. It was the reason why he could ward away the sounds and hectic rambling circling around him. It was the reason why his attention could turn in numerous directions, look through the eyes of those tending to his wounds and shake his head every now and then if a question arose. But truth be told, his realities might as well been the equivalent of Soyoung’s own because Jin wasn’t there. He was merely staring - staring off at the back seat of the van where Soyoung’s body limply laid without any sudden movement. If anything, the only thing that captured Jin’s attention, even only for a second, was his spider resting on his shoulder.

It was a great distraction to say the least - to have something avert his thoughts away from the negativity that punctured a knife right through his soul had been a blessing. Not that blessings came around too often because once his gaze reverted back to the results of his actions, he only wished to ever be alone. He couldn’t fight it, couldn’t really ask some mystical being to make him forgot about his mistakes because wasn’t that what consequences were? They made sure you could never recover, dipping you into the fires that beheld a fate Jin accepted the second he stepped into the alley where his future (that was now his present) succumbed to darkness. But why did it have to be like this? Why wasn’t Jin damaged any further than he already was so he could be in that state where the world wasn’t of existence, and nightmares stirred within his mind’s eye? Why did Soyoung, or anyone else, had to get involve?

Why did it turn out this way?

“Jin? Can you hear me?” Hear? Hear what? Hear the sirens trapped in the inner sanctum of his heart? Hear the screams begging for a forgiveness that would never come? Hear everyone blame him for something Jin wished he never done? What was he supposed to hear?

Before anyone could remotely guess what was on his mind, Jin unconsciously buried his woes and his sorrows into the chest that was provided. It must have been Yeongsu because no one’s arms wasn’t as familiar as the one’s that wrapped around him without hesitation. “I’m sorry.” The wounds stung, the small lacerations burned, his lips were swollen and his eye bruised, but even then, it didn’t stop him from smothering his pain into the cloth that soaked up all his tears. From what he could gather from the distortion of his surroundings before he hid away from the world was the image of their room. They were all back in their apartment with not a sound resonating from nature or the people around him.

He didn’t acknowledge anyone in particular, besides Yeongsu that is, but it didn’t take long for realization to hit him like a ton of bricks as he pulled back from the raven’s grasp to get a good look around. Nothing made sense at first. He’d see Ayako sitting at the desk from across the room, Kazuma along side her as he sat upon the tabletop her chair usually tucked under, and then the door that unexpectedly opened to reveal Jun holding something in his hands. But where was he? Where was Soyoung? “He’s sleeping.” Ayako said quietly, the shift of her artificial lenses motioning toward the man who laid asleep on Jun’s bed. “You don’t need to worry about him. Just focus on yourself for a while.” In the same manner Key and Rae was currently positioned, Jun came and sat at his bedside, offering him an ice pack and a plate of food he couldn’t really stomach at the moment. “ Here. I know you didn‘t eat.” Jin shook his head in refusal. “You have to eat.”

“It’s either that or I’ll have to start you on an IV.” They had plenty of those to go around. With the way their busy schedules worked, Yeongsu, Jun and, at times, Kazuma depended on Intravenous fluids on a number of occasions when eating or even drinking was the last thing on their minds. Jin didn’t like needles very much. He always worried it would snap in their bodies whenever Yeongsu administered the drip upon himself or others. It wasn‘t a matter of trusting him with the duties usually administered by a licensed professional, but the fact that needles were flimsy and fragile to the point where Jin felt uncomfortable whenever they were around. “I’m okay.” Or at least, at that moment administered with fear and worriment of another, he thought he was the least of anyone‘s concern. “But you have to help him Yeongsu. You have to - ” He stopped out of nowhere, trying as much as possible to shake the haze from his head and ridding himself of the senses that were as misconstrued as his thoughts. But the more he fought, the more his body began to feel weighted down.

At that point, Jin was depending on Yeongsu to stay upright, his head heavily leaned against the other’s shoulder as some form of leverage that kept himself mentally aware of his surroundings. “I need to infuse a liter of D5W, and bring in a colloid solution pack just in case.” He didn’t need it. He didn’t require the medical attention insisting on inserting a needle into his arm once Jun came back with all that Yeongsu asked for. If anything, it was Soyoung who was hurt, Soyoung who needed their care, and Soyoung who deserved all the attention Jun and Yeongsu placed upon the one far too undeserving to accept their kind gestures.

Although, regardless of what he thought, they’d still clean his blood-stained face with a rag, patch up the wound along the right temple at his hairline, made sure Jin gentle pressed the cold compressor over his left eye, and surveyed his body for any more cuts and bruises that needed to be treated. Aside from the palms of his hands that skidded harshly against the dirt floor, there was not much they had tended to when it came to limbs that were still in tact. But Yeongsu paid close attention to his recovering shoulder, moving it and guiding it in all direction as he observed the tension in Jin’s face whenever a new kind of pain twisted his brow. Not that Yeongsu noticed when Jin was so adamant on paying close attention to Soyoung’s breathing and how nothing else about his condition changed ever since they got out of the alleyway. “You have to look at me for a second.”

Maybe he was being a bit stubborn than usually or he simply didn’t hear him, but whatever the reason was, Yeongsu was forced to sternly direct Jin’s gaze away from the slumbering boy who wasn’t anywhere near the immediate danger Jin assumed he was in. “Soyoung’s fine. There’s only minor external and internal injuries. His vitals are normal and if his condition so happens to take a turn for the worst, I can assure you that I’m more than capable of handling the situation accordingly with the training I was fortunate enough to partake in.” Yeongsu was trying to make him feel better and reassure him that not a single thing would go wrong. “I told you my credentials, haven’t I?’ They were mere questions filled to the brim with a kind of reassurance reminding Jin that Soyoung was in good hands. He knew that, acknowledged that fact a long time ago, yet he still required those reminders time and time again. “You went to Harvard.” Yeongsu nodded his head. “It’s a good school, right?” He spoke - spoke of the things that would keep on reiterating a truth his dazed mind wanted to hold on to even as the impetuous doubts knotted relentlessly at his chest. “Yes, it’s a really good school. One of the top universities in America. They prepared me for any sort of predicament such as this, so there’s no need to worry. Everything will be alright.” He felt himself casually guided back into the comforting sheets behind him, his pillow feeling like a cloud after all he had been through.

There were tears when the shadows stirred and a short rendition of unconsciousness took over. It wasn’t his tears per say that muffled softly against his ear, wasn’t his to call his own when another’s warmth draped over his chest and fingers curled into the collar of his shirt. For what felt like an hour passed, was merely 10 minutes when he was pulled from the insignificance that were his dreams. Jun was curled up at his side, his face buried into his shoulder as he gave not an ounce of care as to who was present in the room when he tightened his grip upon him. “Are you alright? Do you need anything? Does anything hurt?” Everything and anything a part of him hurt. It was the reason why he stirred from what little rest he managed to collect. Now that the numbing agent to all his pain wore down, he now could feel the aftermath of each punch his muscles took in.

He sat up, a little grunt and low moan painfully rippling through the vocal cords that was unable to express what was going on. Every fiber that reacted in accordance to his desire to get up was searing the fragment of his soul that screamed for relief. “Some painkillers will help him.” But they didn’t have the necessary narcotics that would easily administer into his system with an IV. The only thing that was on hand was the usual over the counter medication Jun went searching for in the drawer located at the foot of their bunk beds. It was then that movements started to shift again, and just like the shuffling that rang in his head back in the alleyway, it was distinct, very prominent to the senses that reacted almost instantaneously when that blur, same in posture and shape, moved and captured everyone’s attention. Ayako and Kazuma straightened in their seats, Jun momentarily stopping what he was doing and, with the needle extracted from Jin’s arm for the time being, Yeongsu was standing off to the side watching the whole scene unfold as everyone else did when grappled by silence. It started out calmly at first, Soyoung’s reaction to the faint aftermath of their previous ordeal, tranquil like a river flowing through the creeks wrangled about by twist and turns. There were obstacles it seems - obstacles that Jin couldn’t read because emotions were always so dreary and so incomprehensible to the boy who was helplessly staring at the eyes that wondered, and the hectic pronunciation of his own name that sounded in the room.

Soyoung was worrying over nothing.

It didn’t matter what he witnessed because the cuts and bruises didn’t compare to the combined physical and mental state Soyoung was currently in. What Jin felt and experienced in those moments were as insignificant as ever. His body would burn, his muscles felt as if they were being grated to shreds, his face was the center point in which pain solidified into mounds of glass dragging against his skin, and yet, Jin wasn’t focused upon that at all. He didn’t care about himself because why do such a thing when blame tainted his image and stained the blood all over his hands. They were still there after all, the crimson liquid contaminating the bracelet he already thought he didn’t deserve. This was not what was supposed to happen and he wanted Soyoung to stop worrying and stop apologizing for something he didn’t do! Things were just escalating to the point of no return. It rose, the tension passed on from one person to the next until defenses broke down and everyone heard what was never meant to be said with tears flooding Soyoung’s eyes. Jin didn’t even notice how his own gaze slumped forward. The numbing agent just seemed to have came back again as Jin was unable to determine how he should take it or how much guilt should even slowly kill him from the inside out. Jin knew he was responsible for everything, and that Soyoung was merely lost in a delusion where he put the blame upon himself when, in reality, it was only for Jin’s to bare alone. Soyoung felt disgusted with himself because of him, felt like death was the only option because of what Jin did and what he wrongly thought was the right thing to do.

But he was so wrong.

From the very beginning to the ends of his times, he was wrong to think that anything could ever change. Loneliness and desertion had only ever been the right thing for him, but Jin was selfish. He wanted people near at the cost of their own sanity. Wasn’t that how it resulted to? Wasn’t that the results of a friendship he thought could bring nothing but happiness? To be trapped in another’s misfortunes, to be placed under the same dull cloud that hovered above him was like Jin had passed down his saddened faith onto those that were better off going their separate ways. Because if Jin wasn’t so afraid of being alone, none of this wouldn’t have happened. He would’ve basked in his own sorrows as others were saved from the torment that shed the mourning from their eyes. They were tears he couldn’t wipe away; for he was scared that if he got any closer to the one he cracked to pieces, there wouldn’t be anything left of Soyoung to put back together again. The fear overcame Jin, just as death wanted so much to overcome the one who wept across the room. But never did he lift his gaze to him when he felt far to withdrawn to do so. It was like distancing himself with the realization that his hands and the wretchedness of his presence only brought about the same pessimism that flooded the poisons through his veins. What was he supposed to say when he felt incapable of making others feel better? Wasn’t that what Yeongsu was for? He could say things that made so much sense, say so much genuine proclamations in regards to the importance of keeping one’s life no matter how hard the journey may be. But Yeongsu said nothing. He stood there with not a word forming on his lips because he was lost in his own thoughts. So what was there to do when Jin couldn’t depend on anyone else? What was there to say when nothing else couldn’t be said? What possibly could he do to make things better?

The answer: Nothing.

Jin couldn’t do or say anything when he thought he only made matters worse. But it wasn’t like everyone in the room had their tongues tied because Jun had already stood up with disgust written all over his face. “What utter bullshit. It’s not like you control everyone. It’s not like the world centers around you, and the circumstances that puts others in jeopardy unfurls just because of one person. It’s a stupid and arrogant thought, but of course, you can blame yourself all you want…go right ahead; but it’s pathetic that the only solution you can think of is the one that hurts others in the process. It’s selfish, it’s the easy way out, and it’s the most ******** up-”

“Why don’t you shut up. You don’t even know a goddamn thing.” Wasn’t that supposed to be Soyoung’s line? If worded differently, wasn’t the defensive tenor in Yeongsu’s voice best suited for the one that was being attacked for his personal beliefs? Yeongsu had a wit about him that was able to control what he said and what his facial features expressed when the situation called for the concealment of certain emotions. But his defense mechanism was all over the place, everyone who was well connected with capricious human emotions already able to understand a small fragment of a past Yeongsu had never spoke a word about. “If you went through enough s**t in your life, maybe you’ll understanding what its like when you’re at your wits end and nothing else serves as the solution you thought time could provide. Maybe if you weren‘t so caught up in your own ******** life then it‘s highly possible that even you can understand that some people aren‘t as mentally fit to handle what the world has to offer when life is at its worse.” And that was the trigger. That was when Jin looked up to see the spite in the eyes of the two he had always depended on to solve his own problems. But they were so lost in their own fury that a magnetic force, fueled by their need to defend their self, pulled them together in a head to head battle sparking an electrical current between their glowering eyes. “You don’t know jack s**t about my life. You don’t know the ******** half of what I’ve gone through.”

“And you don’t know s**t about his either, so why don’t you do everyone a favor and back the ********] off.” They were the flames sparked by hell, Jun’s eyes depicting a malicious counterpart of which murder glinted pass the shadows that cast over his glare. Jin could call out his name and snap Jun back to his sense, but Kazuma and Ayako had already stepped in by acting as a barrier between the two who were on the verge of butting heads. Kazuma coaxed Jun out of the room, the door slamming with the residual chimes of frustration echoing as the blond begrudgingly made his way out.

It was silent for a while, or at the very least, he wasn’t able to hear or react to anything else when Jin couldn’t help but noticing Yeongsu’s own barriers were cracking at the surface as vulnerabilities tore deep down to his core. What that core was made up of, Jin wasn’t sure, but when Yeongsu silently grabbed at his own wrist in search for something that use to be there, that was when late night confessions occurred. “I’m going out for some air.” The announcement was for Key more than anyone else and there was nothing left to do but to watch him turn toward the door and head out the room.

But he hesitated for a second, his hand laying heavily upon the knob, ready and willing to reveal his only means of an escape and yet, fingers held its stilled position there as he refused to make another move. “If your patient enough,“ he began quietly with his attention facing the wooden foundation before him. “its true that time does heal those few unbearable wounds that seem to make living so much harder to withstand. Because unlike most people,” the pause lingered in what can only be identified as a kind of pain that scratched at his throat without consent. He‘d continue, but not without everyone realizing how much the subject Soyoung brought up affected him so. “You’re fortunate enough to have friends by your side. They’re people who love you, those who always serve as a reminder of what exactly you’ll be leaving behind, and surely, they also must be the reason why you’re not already dead in the first place. You may not be strong enough as of right now, but at least you have people who are willing to pick you up when you’re down. You have Key, you have Rae, you have Jin, Ayako, Kazuma, and, if it amounts to anything…you have me.” And he left, Yeongsu closed the door behind him and left it all at that. “It’s okay Key, I’ll make sure he’s alright. Soyoung needs you right now.”

A weak smile, barely even what others would call an untraceable grin, crossed her features and disappeared once she left the room. Jin could see how much facades worked to people’s advantage. They were lies and he thought he brought that out of people when one of his actions turned out to be a bigger problem than anyone could ever handle.

He hadn’t the strength for anyone to depend on him because, when it came right down to it, no one could rely on him to solve the most simplest of problems. It would only go off into the other direction as dilemmas birthed an epidemic known as chaos and insanity. Things would never change. He said it before and he’d say it again, because the truth of the matter was, Jin was incapable of being a friend. He hated that fact, hated that he couldn’t get anywhere near the change he sought out for, hated the part of him that sided with the loneliness he feared for, but most of all, he just hated himself. The pricks and needles stabbing at his legs when he began to move, brought him back to the self-loathing etched beneath his skin. What, when, where, how, and why: they were the beginnings to a question that reminded him why he was in pain and why Soyoung and everyone else felt the same. Just as his feet touched the carpeted floor and he sat at the edge of his bed, Jin could finally see, with his own eyes, what he truly had done. There was not one thing he could do and yet, there was one thing on his mind he couldn’t help but to address. “I don’t want to break my promises.” But did he not do just that when he walked into that alleyway? “I still want to keep the ones that still matters the most.”

His eyes, touched with a speck of dew, had fiddled off to the side for a brief moment, his sadness still unable to cast away because when so much emotion clawed into open wounds, there was no way in deterring the hurt in his voice. “I still have to teach you the guitar, don’t I?” It took a lot for him to hold back his tears. He’d swallow hard, attempt to discretely breath as deeply as possible as if the air itself burrowed his sadness somewhere deep within, but even then, he could still feel the dampness gathering in his eyes. “And I just don’t understand how I’m supposed to do that if you’re not here.” He didn’t want to lose anyone anymore. Because even if he was meant to be alone, at least he knew Soyoung was still on the face of the earth to enjoy his life with others, rather than somewhere else unreachable. “You said you wouldn’t abandon me. You promised you’d be the one sticking around in the end. Because what if I decided that I wanted a home-cooked meal tomorrow or if I needed someone to talk to? Who would I call if you’re not going to be there to answer?”

Losing people was easy to come by. Getting people to stay was evidently that of the opposite. But what was more difficult than anything else in the world was keeping promises and making sure others fulfilled such vows when he called them his friend. He didn’t want to hate Soyoung for leaving and the confusion within itself began streaming the tears down his face before he even knew they ebbed at the corner of his eyes. “ I just don’t understand. you said you wouldn’t go anywhere, didn’t you? You said that the only reason why you’d break a promise is when its absolutely necessary. So is it really necessary to leave? Because if it is, then please tell me what this is suppose to mean if you’re not here?” The knotted strings were stained in a dull reddened hue, but despite that, the wonderful spectrum of colors still brightened through as the bracelet shakily revealed itself with a lift of Jin’s wrist.

Wasn’t the friendship Nozomi hoped for was what connected them together?

Wasn’t it the reason why they had a connection at all? Surely, there were other factors that kept their promises at bay, but to have a physical reminder of such only meant there was that solid fixture of a connection relayed in everything Soyoung had to offer. His smile, his comfort burrowed in his arms, and his words: they were also what bounded them together and if Soyoung decided to leave, what was he supposed to tell Nozomi if he ever had the chance to see her again. “I don’t understand. I just don‘t understand and I don‘t know what to do to make things right again. But I‘m sorry that I did this. I‘m sorry I broke my promises but I don‘t want you to break yours. He dropped his gaze upon the fists that curled tightly on his knees, his tears dripping and his head shaking as if the gesture alone would change Soyoung’s mind. “Please don’t break them. Please, please don’t break your promises because the last thing I want is to be alone. For he was selfish in the end and couldn’t bare the thought of creeping back into that cold, wretched corner of the world where no one was going to be by his side. “So don’t go anywhere. please stay. Please stay with me Soyoung.”

And in that point in time, he realized…. it was the first time that he ever said his name.

[Nymphella]

X
X

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Soyoung remembered well the day he discovered that crying was bad for him to do.

While other kids would whimper, wail, and kick their feet, it seemed that those kinds of things weren't enough for the child who rarely ever cried to begin with. Even on the day he was born, the child did not shed a tear or pierce a crackled calling of his tiny voice upon emerging into the world, making his parents and deliverers fear the reality of a stillborn, the reality of wasted money and effort on their very first child. But sure enough the babe was alive, the babe was breathing, and everything else was going normal. In rare cases, infants won't cry during birth and the little Gam Soyoung, for whatever reason, was one of the few. And as he grew up, it seemed that crying did not come quite as naturally to him as it did all the other children he attended school with. But all it took was something to mean enough to him, to cut deep enough, and the tears would fall. But the first time that happened, it was a bad decision on Soyoung's part to allow it because eventually he found himself lost, scared, and trying to sleep on the door mat in front of an unfamiliar store in the dead of that cold night.

It just wasn't good for Soyoung to allow himself to cry. Bad things always happened when he did.

This time was no different.

But it wasn't like he had yet made that discerning as he still stared in Jin's direction with eyes of remorse. His mind was far from comprehending his mistake when the reality of the situation around him swarmed and filled his head to the brim. But once he heard Jun's vicious voice and his harsh words, Soyoung's eyes bugged as his jaw dropped and fingers clinged and clawed up into Key's arms. He didn't even know Jun was in there, let alone as enraged by Soyoung's claim like he was. Every word was like a repeating stab into his ears, making the boy turn his face and hide into Key's arm, clawing even more into the sleeves as his chest began to heave again. Why was Jun yelling at him again? He didn't understand. What did he do? Why would what he said make Jun so angry? He supposed that for some reason unbeknowst to him that he deserved the words and muffled sobs were heard from the fabric of Key's shirt, Soyoung's shoulders hunched as if flinching from a whip Jun wielded against him.

The last voice he expected to hear was Yeongsu's, or at least when it came to ending the array of pain-inducing words coming from Jun's mouth. To Soyoung, it was like listening to the dramatic cd readings of manga because it seemed as if fictional characters were arguing with each other. Yeongsu would never speak out in Soyoung's defense and even more so never start a verbal fight in his defense. The utter shock made Soyoung's wide eyes peek out from Key's arm as if it would help him hear any better. He couldn't brave himself enough to turn and look at the two arguing and so he continued to stare off somewhere with lips hung open in the shock that still did not go away. He heard shuffling, as if people were leaving but he remained stiff in Key's protective hold until he heard Yeongsu speak again. It seemed wrong in so many ways he could not place, as if listening to a war-leader saying war was not the answer. Yeongsu's words, his tone, was...kind? Soyoung couldn't wrap his head around the reason why Yeongsu would bother with the effort of saying things that were supposed to encourage him in one way or another. Didn't Yeongsu hate him too? Didn't he want to strangle him for being in Kibum's hold right now? Regardless of the questions, his ears still heard and his mind still comprehended the things being said in that pain-stricken voice Yeongsu tried to keep stable. "You have Key, you have Rae, you have Jin, Ayako, Kazuma, and, if it amounts to anything…you have me." Even when sincerity was presented in a way that should have been heart-touching and mind-changing, Soyoung frankly didn't know what to think of the words that came from the male who he told himself never to trust ever again. Not when he remembered so vividly the way the tyrant marched up to him with a threat in his eyes and hate in his heart. And therefore the words lost their grip on Soyoung's optimism in regards to the five people Yeongsu mentioned before his own self. According to Yeongsu, Soyoung had Kibum, Rae, Jinhwa, Ayako, and Kazuma.

"...not for long..."

He said it barely at a whisper and when Key worriedly inquired of him what he had just said, Soyoung didn't repeat it. He didn't actually mean to say it aloud in the first place, just like he didn't mean to mention something that effected so many people in the room way more harshly than he would have ever thought. And even though Key demanded to know what Soyoung said, the boy remained tight-lipped. Because if he said it, they'd want an explanation. And if he explained that before long they'd all hate him too, he knew they'd all falsely promise that they never would. Not that he thought the worst of them, for he'd know every confirmation would be spoken from the essence of their kind souls, doing what they can to be there for the mentally unstable male. But he simply didn't want to hear the words that would eventually become unintentional lies because he'd been there and done that before and honestly did not want to experience it again.

But yet, he was still a selfish human that wanted the comforts he was receiving in Key's arms, which was why he stayed in the grasp that had long since loosened into one of a more caring nature. A form of masochism, so to speak, since he knew one day that embrace would be shunned from him forever. But the silence that ensued seemed somewhat alleviating, like ice on a burn before he heard the soft creaks of a bed that notioned Jinhwa's movement. And knowing Jinhwa, he was either going to leave the room or say something, and Soyoung wasn't sure if he was yet ready to hear anything the male had to say, whether vengeful like Jun's words, false like Yeongsu's, or regretful like what would be expected of Jinhwa. But instead of standing and leaving, he did speak...but it didn't start off the way Soyoung's heart grimaced in fear for. An avalanche of confusion tumbled down upon Soyoung who was still too afraid to look at Jinhwa with anything other than peripheral vision. Why was he speaking of promises he wanted to keep when he broke the most important one he ever made? But listen he did, brows twitching down in an addition confusion that piled onto the rest when guitar lessens were mentioned in the most unsuiting way that made no sense to the boy. But Jinhwa's next words were what made it all fall back into place in Soyoung's delusive mind.

Never once within all the days they've spent together did Soyoung know that his little silly offers and promises actually had a place in Jinhwa's memory. Most of them Soyoung assumed had been forgotten due to a lack of care or interest, only further hammering down the nail that was Soyoung's crushed hopes when it came to having some form of closeness with the male who kept such a strong wall built. But he actually recalled the offer of a hot meal to sooth him, or an ear to talk to if ever he needed. "So is it really necessary to leave? Because if it is, then please tell me what this is suppose to mean if you’re not here?" Frightened eyes peeked over to glance at the bracelet Jinhwa indicated and contrary to what Jinhwa must have assumed, Soyoung wasn't sure he liked the inquiry. It made him feel like if it weren't for Nozomi, maybe Jinhwa would have never given Soyoung a second glance. What if it meant Jinhwa never would have let down his defenses and tell him he didn't want Soyoung to go anywhere. Was that the way it was? Was that the reality of it all? Did it all start out as a favor to the sweet Nozomi? He didn't know why, but it hurt a bit. Even though Soyoung loved the little gem of a child, and wondered about her often, he still couldn't help but to not feel completely comforted by the focus brought onto the bracelets they shared.

But his tumbling thoughts were stopped by a continuation of words that brought him to another comprehension in another area of his mind. The anguish and strain in Jinhwa's voice pricked the walls of Soyoung's heart in a concern and guilt because he could hear how scared, how terrified Jin was by the words so carelessly spat out by a distraught Soyoung. The words finally expressed Jinhwa's own humanistic selfishness, begging Soyoung not to break his promises even though he broke some himself, and revealing the desperate need to always have someone there, even if it's measly Soyoung. And did this make Soyoung feel needed? Perhaps slightly in those quick moments before Jinhwa said something that seemed to create a frozen sensation in his chest. Frozen, as in not moving but nowhere near the required temperature. It was such a simple sentence, " Please stay with me Soyoung..." But regardless of its simplicity, it struck as far more complex in the mind of the male whose name was spoken aloud in a tenor of vibrations Soyoung had never heard it in before. Why did it make him want to cry again when tears finally stopped and his chest moved at a normal pace? Why did it make him turn his eyes away from the male who said it with his head dropped in despair?

Had Juliet Capulet asked Soyoung the famous question "What's in a name?" she would have received a detailed answer on instant. Because so many things were in a name whether in the cases of being given, acknowledged, thought of, or spoken. Why was it Soyoung couldn't bring himself to call Jongjin "J"? Or to shorten Jinhwa's name to Jin? Upon learning Rae's full name, it has been a world of difficulty not to begin calling his friend Raemun. It was an odd OCD of his that no one understood because no one knew as well as Soyoung did what it meant to have your name acknowledged, not to mention said. He didn't particularly notice before that Jinhwa never spoke the name of someone he himself called a friend, but now Soyoung heard it for himself, he knew. So why did it tear and rend at his emotions so much? But even still, there was a strange calming within him due to the different things that happened ever since Yeongsu spoke up for Soyoung's defense. He felt like he could breath better and Key's hold had become so lax that Soyoung felt comfortable in sitting all the way up, eyes drifting upon the floor.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Was that enough to lift Jinhwa's head and to end the tears he created, that he's been creating since he met him? "I..." He felt so ashamed and so embarrassed that he had said what he said so carelessly. "I just...get...weird when I cry. I-I'm sorry. I never would have said that if I had been in my...right mind..." Words were not coming easily at all. How was he supposed to explain himself at this rate? "I-I more or less meant...th-that if I'd have done that when I first thought of it a long time ago...th-that everyone would be so much happier, is all..." "No one wants that, Soyoung!" Key exclaimed in a slight temper. Soyoung's downcast eyes closed in a tight expression of his remorse. "But if I was never around to have been met, there would be nothing for anyone to not want..." "Soyoung!!" Key screeched in his abated shock, causing Soyoung's hands to fly up and clasp his own face in his shame. "If you weren't around, I wouldn't have such an awesome dance partner to learn routines with and make up s**t with. You think I want to do that with the ever unfunny and way too serious Hakkun? Hell no!" Soyoung continued to clutch at his face, wanting the comfort but hating it at the same time. Because how could he love it completely when he knew Rae eventually wouldn't feel this way anymore? "Soyoung, I-" "I want to be alive, okay?!" Soyoung snapped with his hands quickly dropping and eyes darting up to Key before he could go on with his own explanation as to why he's glad Soyoung's there. "So please both of you stop this. I only said I've thought of it before. But I don't want to...do that anymore. So please just...just stop."

His posture laxed and he exhaled a slow and quiet stream of air from weak lips. But Key looked at him with severe eyes. "Do you actually mean that? Or are you just trying to shut us up?" It took a moment, but Soyoung was able to nod. "Both...Because..." His eyes lulled around, as if tranquilly scoping out a beautiful painting upon the floor. "...the things I've experienced that make me happy...or excited...I'd like if...I could experience them some more..." Soyoung's lips curled in due to the awkwardness he felt to say such sappy things after speaking so loosely of disappearing forever. But his words were nothing short of the truth. "I hope you mean that. Because aside from being one of the ballsiest guys I know, using yourself as live bait to help someone else...and aside from the fact that you're so sweet and caring...you have a gift that you've been hiding for way too long. A gift you hid from me even and honestly, Soyo, I don't think I'll ever forgive you for that one." A joke, to say the least. And even though no smile spread Soyoung's lips, somewhere on the inside of him was the ghost of a giggle. "Your dancing brought smiles to many faces. So I hope you really mean what you said because I just keep thinking about all the smiles you can create with what you've worked so hard for. The good you can do with your hard work." Key was only reiterating the same thing Soyoung hoped for time and time again, lighting some kind of warm fire where it went out earlier. The boy couldn't help it as he leaned in to wrap his arms around Key, squeezing weakly but as strong as he could at the moment. "Soyoung?" Key began as he pulled the boy away from him and lifted a brow. "When's the last time you ate?" The sudden change in subject took him aback before he could gather his thoughts and answer. Key lifted a hand to grab one of Soyoung's own and brought it before his face. "Point your fingers out straight," he demanded. Soyoung did as he was told, showcasing fingers that shook far more than normal. "Soyoung, when did you last eat?" Soyoung's eyes shifted slowly from side to side as he tried to recall. "Uhm....I had breakfast...Yes...breakfast..." "You're still pulling that s**t, I see," "I didn't mean to I just-" "Forgot? Yeah I know. I remember"

Key stood while giving Rae the eye that told him to stay with Soyoung and make sure he's just fine, and thus he began walking out of the room. "Sit still and lay back. I'm bringing you food." And out he was, closing the door behind him. All who was left in the room was Jin, Rae, and Soyoung in a silence Rae wouldn't let live for long. But before he thought of something to speak, Soyoung took the moments of tranquility to let his somber eyes look up upon Jinhwa. So many questions stirred, wanting to know why he went against his word, what kind of thing happened to make him feel like it was the needed option..."Oh!" Rae lightly expressed as he remembered something. "I have something that'll cheer you up~" And he pulled out of his pocket Soyoung's own phone. "It was falling out of your pocket when you were out of it earlier, so I kept it for you. But while you were sleeping, Hangook texted you." At first, the name didn't click because everything that happened before the fight that day might as well have been 10 years ago. Brows screwed in slight confusion but released when a domino effect of various thoughts filled his mind with the image of a large-toothed, grinning boy whose gleefulness radiated like the pleasant heat of a burning fire. The boy who said he liked Soyoung...The boy he was supposed to go on a date with...

As if that was even going to happen now...

Instead of the general light elation most would feel upon receiving a text of that sort, Soyoung was having a hard time understanding why Rae thought it was something to cheer him up. Instead, he stared at the phone Rae put before him and saw that the text was not listed as "unread". But instead of griping at Rae for his lack of respect for privacy..."Oh...cool..." It was all he could muster. Not that he lost interest in the guy that made him feel special, that made him feel those butterflies that long since fled from Jinhwa...but simply that the entire idea of it all after everything that happened that day seemed useless to be excited about. "The hell? What kind of reaction is that? Just give it a couple days and your bruise will be gone, I'm sure. You'll be as good as new for the date." "There isn't gonna be a date." Soyoung's voice droned like a boring physiology professor, no particular emotion expressed in his words or facial features. But Rae gawked at the claim. "What? And why not?!" Soyoung took a moment to answer, slowly blinking as he thought of the right way to say it. "Because getting him involved in my life in any way is probably the meanest thing I could do to him...It's no way to repay him after he helped me so much today." "Wait huh? H-" "If Hunsoo still plans to mess with me at all, he'd mess with any person I come in close contact with. Jinhwa's hurt, you could have been hurt and-" "So you're just gonna break the guy's heart, eh?" "Don't be ridiculous. Plus, it's not like my chances of staying are likely." "Wuh...What are you talking about?" "My stomach has formed knots...and there's apparently some slight internal bleeding. Remember the last time this happened? It wasn't even as bad and the nurse told me to sit out for a week. And on top of that, breakdancing is my challenge. I'll try because I want this...but things aren't looking too good. So even though Hangook argued me on this subject, I just don't see the point of a date if I won't see him again and I'll only be getting him into trouble by letting him be around me in the first place..."

Rae looked back in shock, even turning his gaze at Jin for a moment to turn back and look at the one who spoke such pessimism...such...logical pessimism..."But...Yeongsu wouldn't be that mean. I mean...he'll give you an extension...Or a different, safer task." Even though Soyoung felt the urge to disagree, he just sighed and shook his head to the side. "It'd be great if he would...but I just don't see it happening." "Aww c'mon~ Yeong's a good guy. Remember what he said a few minutes ago? So don't ignore poor heartaching Hangooky because you're too pessimistic to see the truth~" Rae pouted and waved Soyoung's phone in his face but the dead-eyed boy didn't respond, much less look in the direction of the wiggling phone. Rae sighed loudly and brought the phone to his own viewing and opened Soyoung's text in annoyance. "You leave me no choice. Here's what it says:" And had Soyoung had the energy, he would have protested to a live reading of his message. " 'Hey, Soyoung! I'm sorry 'cus I know the general rule is to wait up to two days before calling or texting someone after making a date but I couldn't wait.' And he put one of those chibi-looking emotes here. 'lol that rhymed. Anyway, I just wanted to text to see what's going on.' And there's a smiley face here." But Soyoung's brow was raised. "There's a 'general rule' not to call someone for a certain amount of time?" Now it was Rae's turn to raise a brow. "Wow you really haven't dated much, have you!" But Soyoung remained quiet. It wasn't like he was enjoying the conversation, but he understood that Rae just wanted to bring up a happy-go-lucky subject to relieve tension that remained regardless. But even with the general look of disinterest upon Soyoung's face, Rae continued. "It's typically understood that when you get someone's number, you're not supposed to call them during the following two days or you might appear either too excited or clingy. It's not 'cool', so to speak." Soyoung's nose slightly scrunched at the weird standard. "That's a very unromantic rule." People actually want someone who worries about a thing like that? "Ya think so? And looky here, Hangook isn't one of those unromantic guys~ Sounds like a match made in Heaven. So go on~ Text him back!" Rae gestured the phone over to Soyoung who didn't take it and instead slowly laid back down on the bed to ignore his peskiness.

"Hmm..." Rae sounded in thought, looking at the laying male before him until a thought hit him. Rae climbed up the bunk ladder and upon reaching the top, unhooked said ladder and pulled it up next to him. The disappearance of it alerted Soyoung who sat up again, looking upward as if he could even see Rae who laid back on the pillow up there with one leg crossed over a bent knee. "What are you doing?" "I'm trying to figure out how you would word the text you're about to send..." Soyoung's eyes shot wide open as he once again jumped out of the bed and felt another twist of pain. "Ahhh! Rae, you made me hurt myself! Stop being a jerk!! Give me my phone!" And even though the top bunk wasn't exceedingly high up, it was enough that Soyoung couldn't reach the phone that Rae angled away from him. "But your texts are always so boring, man. Like your practicing for job interviews. Hmmm....How about...'I'm so glad you texted me, hyung! I was hoping you would, actually.' But then again, that makes you sound like a bubbly girl...Gahh...I'm not good at this..." "Why are you doing this?! I said I'm not going on a date with him and that's my business!" "Oh ok. Well then, how does this sound?: 'Ya know, hyung, I realized that you're not really my type. Maybe if you were a little taller?' " Soyoung let in a loud gasp. "Don't you dare send that! Rae you're making my head pound. Seriously, Raemun, it hurts. I want to lay back down!"

And suddenly the fun and games were over. Because the truth of the matter was that all that pain Soyoung spoke of could possibly have been prevented if maybe he would have sided with Ayako before the fight and did what he could to discourage it. Instead, he rooted Jin on like a rambunctious little kid would. "I'm sorry..." Rae said softly as the phone with no text written on it was handed over to Soyoung. "I just...feel so guilty. I want you to go on this date because...you deserve a nice thing like that, ya know?" Soyung gingerly took the phone within his grasp, looking warily up at Rae who turned to look back. "Forget about everything with Hunsoo. He's dumb but I think he got the message today. Please consider giving Hangook a text and seeing him for a date. You seemed really happy this morning when you talked about him..." The subject made Soyoung nervous and he didn't know what to say to the sincere words. "I just don't understand why you care so much about something silly like that." Rae rolled over and looked Soyoung square in the face, that feeling of regret leaking into his features. "Because I was an idiot earlier. I was cheering the whole situation on out of some weird mixture of immaturity and wanting to see Hunsoo get his a** handed to him. I had no idea Jin had no plans of actually fighting back."

Come again?

A silence was installed among them while Soyoung continued to look up at Rae in complete shock. "No plans of fighting back?" Rae nodded his grievous confirmation, Soyoung's chest stiffening in a realization he didn't even contemplate before. Soyoung's jaw slowly dropped as so did his eyes before tossing his phone on the bottom bunk before turning around to face the male being spoken of. It only took a couple steps and Soyoung was standing right in front of the male who sat on the edge of the bed in his remorse. "You...You really didn't even try to fight back? Before Jun and I came along?" His voice was full of stark disbelief, but he wasn't done. "But why?! Why Jinhwa? What made you think I'd ever want that? Huh?!" He managed to control himself, to not allow any more tears to fall. Because after all, he didn't train himself of controlling them for nothing. But his arms hung ridged at his side, shaking fingers balling into weak little fists due to the emotions pulsing through him. Because now he realized something far scarier than what he thought before: If he and Jun didn't arrive to stop the madness, Jin really would, without a doubt, be severely, possibly irrevocably hurt.

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[Box_a_plenty]

Never had he taken death so lightly nor, for the matter of speaking, had he ever considered life itself to be as feeble as the voice that shook with an unruly air to him that bolstered a conundrum. There was a difference between wanting or needing to be alone, and giving up all that life has to offer without an ounce of hope for a bigger, more brighter future. Such a difference conveyed in the smiles that were reserved for him, as well as the laughter that wouldn’t have been shared if Soyoung’s existence was but a lone memory quietly residing in the heart’s of those who truly and dearly loved him. The difference all came down to who sat at either side of him as their consoling words, their comforting caresses and the way they’d protect Soyoung from whatever may come his way, had always been the very essence of what life was capable of. A sliver of hope, a pinch of faith, a patch of assurance: they were everything that all focused on what Soyoung should’ve been determined to live for, which is why it never made sense. Jin had only ever seen Soyoung smile. He’d laugh from time to time, giggle like there wasn’t a day that would go by without experiencing what it was like when joy was only ever on his side. Jin knew this for a fact because he could easily recall hearing the echoes and shrills of his laughter that quickly subjected Soyoung into a category of happiness and ease Rae was responsible for conjuring up. From what he could gather, Soyoung was happy with a starlit aura to him in which the illumination of dreams, dedication and determination embodied his soul. Negativity was far out of reach since then, pessimism but a nightmare that would never ensnare his soul; for Jin was desperate to believe Soyoung was okay, that he was alright and his own personal choice to let him in his life would never change his smiles no matter what should come between them.

It would stay the same.

The happiness would still be there and Rae would always be the sole provider of all Soyoung’s laughter because Jin’s position, in what was considered a mutual ‘frienship,’ was nothing more than a situation where Jin selfishly took Soyoung’s comfort and never once offered the same thing in return. Of course, he’d try, but every time he was presented with an opportunity to make things right, his whole life and those strung by the fated tethers that connected them to his world would only result in failure to succumb to the loneliness he should’ve accepted the day he was born. It all started out that way, didn’t it? The disappointment, the mistakes, the inevitable betrayal caused by his own actions were, as many always say, a loathsome trait no one would maintain the patience or the time to cater to.

People had their own lives after all.

They had their own emotions to tend to and it only seems as if Jin was always getting in the way. Whether he intended to or not, the consequences of his actions never once spared those he only meant to protect with every bit of strength he had left. Since emotions and expression of self wasn’t an option to clear the path of all things considered an abomination to this world, Jin had to rely on his brute strength in order to keep a promise he would’ve never broken if Soyoung didn’t get in the way. When put into the many perspectives his mind laid out before him, surely it was difficult to differentiate between what was right and what was evidently wrong, when accepting an offer that wasn’t worth fighting for should’ve forever been implanted into his mind no matter what the situation entailed. But he was stubborn as he was determined to convince himself that every single detail that ran through his head was right, that what he did wouldn’t have been something he regretted if things went as planned, and that even though he broke one promise for being there, he at least kept another by ensuring Soyoung safety. It was all that mattered and for that, he only wished Soyoung hadn’t come for him. He only wished no one was there to feel the pain Jin intentionally welcomed with open arms.

He just only ever wished he could go back and change what has already been done.

There comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book. In moving on, there’s surplus of opportunities to choose from - an endless journey that could go on for miles, and even then the path ahead still harbors what many take for granted. What it was had only been described as a future where nothing seemed right and yet, for some reason that benefited far less people than he could come to understand, chances gave birth to the potential happiness everyone in the world risk their lives to hold on to. For Jin, he’d been doomed to loneliness the instant his memories left him as if the bulk of his life hung precariously by a thread that showed exactly how much worth (or the lack thereof) he was to the world that didn’t seem to care. He could be a superstar, he could act, play a life that wasn’t his and try as hard as he could to earn all the money he had lost those regretful years ago. But in the end of it all, such worth wasn’t worth anyone’s time and in Jin’s case, that wasn’t an act crying or beckoning for attention; oh no, it was more than that. Simply enough, what he thought was nothing but the truth withheld deep into the core of things where honesty rung the bells that sounded his fate. He’d be stuck in that corner of world, and for once in his life, Jin was happy to step back into the shadows where he wholeheartedly thought he belonged in. Because unlike Jin’s impeding demise, Soyoung had a chance to be happy. He had so much to live for without summoning up the effort to find it. If he just opened his eyes long enough and waited as patiently as ever, it would be just as Yeongsu predicted: everything will be alright in the end and the happiness Hunsoo and Jin stripped away from him would soon recover in due time. All Jin had to do was stop being the selfish person that he clearly was. It might’ve been hidden from the world, but his actions, his emotions, the way he acted without even thinking about what could come of his decisions were the foundation that selfishness relied on and Soyoung didn’t need that.

It was as clear as day, as dark as night, and as bright as the stars he always found Yeongsu staring at on those solemn nights where confusion remained. But what separated him from the raven was the fact that he understood. Jin understood so well why the world went in a circle and why nature itself ran in a redundancy no one usually paid attention to. It was because what lived within people reflected the system in which the world couldn’t fight against. In a sense, he couldn’t understand everything by knowing thatwhen the sun rises it will soon come again. As the darkness falls a new day follow suits and it goes over and over again as it never seems to stop. And that was what Jin embodied with all his heart. He took on the redundancy of life when his mistake ran in a circle and kept on taking that same unjustifiable course until there was not a trace of love, sadness, hope, or trust that kept people near.

To stop the world, to stop a life, to stop everything that went on in the bustling city of Japan would only come about if everyone was gone. So, when put into that perspective, if he pushed people away, that cycle would never come to pass again because it usually took two for the pain to begin and never go away. Sure, it wasn’t fair. He despised the fact that he could understand the concept of separating himself from others, but never tried to fully accept what his head screamed for him to do. ‘There’s nothing left for you.’ It wasn’t supposed to sound like that at all. ‘There’s no way you’ll fit into his life because look at where it’s got you.’ They were eyes of deception: his gaze was sullied with the misinterpretation of words that saw the pessimistic display of what he had done and what will always happen if he continued trying to be someone he couldn’t live up to.

Someone that was different, someone who would stop thinking so lowly of himself and latch on to the hope that allowed Soyoung into his life in the first place, had always been what he tried to mold himself to become. Jin wanted to change, but it was like the world was against him because the fact of the matter was, Jun will always be right. There was no other choice but to step back and allow nature to take its course. Because from there on out, the alternatives were of no use to him and the support…well…whether he needed it or not, Jin couldn’t bare to see Soyoung in a predicament that would only wound him further than he already was. In the end, Jin had to resolve his problem on his own term, take life one step at a time on his own two feet, and make sure he kept his promise even if it led Soyoung to break his own. How that worked? He wasn’t entirely sure and wasn’t anticipating an answer any time soon, but at least he knew what to do from there on out. As different as it may seem, Jin could finally focus on his bearings, neutralize his emotions and keep his objectives off of himself and onto another that he had nearly shattered to pieces.

Sure, a world of relief had hit Jin when Soyoung confirmed he would stay, but how did it change anything? How was Jin supposed to be convinced his claim stood true with himself when the laughter, the smiles, and a world of content that use to splay over his face were as distant as the voice that dully filtered the air. While staring at the outcome of his actions, Jin saw his responsibilities explode into a puff of smoke he couldn’t contain. Soyoung’s reactions were interpretable to say the least. Jin witnessed the calming notions that went along with a façade he himself had mastered for all these years when hiding his true feeling was of the utmost importance. So Soyoung wasn’t fooling anyone, or at least he wasn’t hiding anything from Jin when wounds ran far too deep to repair. They’d talk amongst each other, throw a volley of replies through the little gap that was allotted and from there, Jin could’ve sworn the atmosphere changed into a tide that silently exchanged whatever it was he was expected to process. It was a message of some sort where ’taking the hint’ would’ve made it all click and initiate a domino effect that would soon ripple through Soyoung’s life for the better. But, as dense as Jin was, he never received the underlying message of it all when answering Soyoung’s question had been the only thing that was on his mind.

The shift in movement snapped him back into a world he didn’t want to accept just yet. But to bring himself to speak required every conscious cell in his body and as such, attentiveness and abrupt concentration spark through every nerve fiber drawing his eyes upon a gaze he didn’t directly meet, yet could feel the somber intensity in the stare that never left him even as Jin focused to look right through him. His hands knotted together, fingers tangled amongst itself as if each squeeze of his own hands would blossom an answer that was his for the taking. However, as much as he attempted to draw out a reply, there was only silence. Perhaps in those moments he felt a sense of stage fright for the first time since he could remember. Or maybe he merely stayed rooted to the idea that whatever he did would only bring about Soyoung’s own demise. Whatever it may have been, the reason for his inability to draw out an answer to his question lingered on until the blur of Soyoung’s features came back into focus and he was able to outline the terrified rendition of concern written all over his face. Jin didn’t know what to say, but apparently his body knew what to do when he slowly stood and took Soyoung into his arms as he held onto him tightly in a way that ensured Soyoung couldn’t escape to an afterlife that wasn‘t his to ever experience until the time was truly right.

Jin just couldn’t stop fidgeting, couldn’t bring himself to control the demons playing its pessimistic games in his head and because of that, he thought his sanity was far from achievable. But once the contact came to be as physical as it always have been when arm brought him near, it was as if everything slowed down from there. His breathing, his beating heart, his thoughts: they all just halted its wicked intentions for words to take its place. “It wasn’t about what you wanted,” he started in a light, controlled breath of air that molded into a soft whisper hitting his ear. “It was about what I thought would make you safe, and what I thought would make you happy to think that you wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore.” He was a man of a few words. Drawing things out wasn’t of his expertise when Yeongsu dominated in the reassuring and comforting form of communication that got his point across far more clearer and meaningfully than Jin ever could come to express. How easy would life be if Jin could only speak the way Yeongsu could and act the way Jun did with every stride filled with a defined purpose fueled by his confidence alone. If only he had an intelligent and empathetic mind of another, then maybe he could handle the situation far better than he did when a brief apology separated them from an embrace that was as warm as a summer’s breeze. “I’m sorry I was wrong.”

There was so much more he could apologize for. He had a list of things strung hopelessly at his heart for his lips to explain. They were there, nagging at him and twisting at his chest as some kind of painful reminder that what he had done wasn’t going to escape him that easily. The guilt would still haunt him as it should when the blame settled its metal hooks into the skin of the one who was as useless as ever. Settling his arms back at either side of him was the hardest thing to do when the remnant of bliss relayed amongst those who always brushed his worries away. Embraces were the semblance of hope after all, as it depicted in the sensations that followed when comfort encircled his entire being. He felt safe for once. Whenever anyone truly held him dearly in their arms, it was like he had always been a part of a life that accepted him for who he was and what faults that came with him. There was nothing else to worry about, nothing more to concern himself with, and nothing for him to think about when his childhood, his past and his present remained within the people he trusted to take care of him. The thought alone was rather selfish to say the least, but he couldn’t help what felt so raw to the very core of things that made him feel alive. But now, he stood idly by with his head hung low as darkness settled like cobwebs across his eyes. Awareness was far out of reach with every conscious thought wrapped around what he should do, what he should say, and possibilities of what would come of the two who shared a vibrant piece of a life strung together by a bracelet that was made with the utmost care.

Their bracelets…

Each weave traced back to the beginnings of time where complications were had, but at least it ended in a way that wasn’t so unbearable to withstand. When he cried in Mei Lin and Lina’s room, when the beach became a setting for contempt, and when guilt crawled beneath his skin like a virus he had no way of escaping from: the moments drew on into the fine lines of content where the troubles never really mattered to him. Very contrasting it was to the current predicament he had to face without shedding a single tear. People needed him to be strong. Jin already felt the responsibility weighing heavily over him like a ton of bricks ready to bury him six feet under if he didn’t pull himself together quicker than time would allot. Not that he needed the time anymore when enveloping Soyoung in his arms again wasn’t an option he was at liberty to take. For the most part, he’d feel barren, his mind merely straying off into desolation where not a single touch of him would be granted because Soyoung needed another in his life that didn’t shroud himself in his own self-pity. It called for a solution of some sort that he couldn’t quite figure out just yet, but he knew the answer laid somewhere in the room he stood ever so silently in.

The small distance burrowing a hole within in chest was a clue in finding what he desperately sought out for. It wasn’t much to work on, wasn’t a whole lot to base his decisions solely upon, but it seemed to be enough to justify his actions when Jin stayed enclosed within his own silence and walked right passed the man in front of him. With a limited amount of space to venture through, it didn’t take long for the pieces of the puzzle to fit into place as he retrieved what he was looking for. “I won’t make the same mistake again. I won't put myself or anyone in danger. I'm sorry.” What was so special about a simple touch that made Jin’s attention transfixed upon nothing else but the hand he took within his grasp? Was it Soyoung’s warmth? Or perhaps it was the connection where the very tips of fingers meshed into what felt like a cloud of comfort baring into the very essence of what made life worth living?

As eyes would travel and his digits followed the trail leading up to Soyoung’s wrist, the answer to all his questions became so clear to him. It was as if the realization of what was gained would remain within the memories that intertwined with every aspect of his life that was as tangible as each thread his nails slowly dragged over. When thinking about it for a long while, he knew each touch of another’s hand was like they were running their fingers through his soul. For once, just once, it was as if they could feel what he felt, believe what he so strongly believed in, perceive as he perceived the world around him, look, experience, examine, and just once, by one touch alone, he believed they could understand every emotion that scathed his heart. Holding another’s hand, embracing the fingers that were as soft as ever, looking upon each individual line that differentiated him from another and merely losing himself in a belief that connection was as real as the hand he held, had always been the reason why his attention to detail always remained amongst the fingers he had to pull away from. Because pulling away meant replacing the solemnity and remorse with the happiness Soyoung deserved.

With his hand cupping beneath Soyoung’s own, Jin smiled softly because it was the only thing he could do when placing the dancer’s phone into the palm of his hand meant the solution to all his problems. “I want to see you happy and I want to make sure you’re happy.” That was what friend were for, wasn’t it? “Which is why he’s right, ‘you deserve a nice thing’ and I also think he can give it to you.” His gaze fell upon the phone with the light expression of a smile still traced along the very corners of upturned lips. There was a glimmer of hope somewhere in those luminous brown eyes graciously staring and genuinely gazing into the wide-set pairs of auburn hues that were far too worried for his own good. It was better when the look in Jin’s eyes reflected upon Soyoung’s own and nothing more would come of the stare that once emanated a kind of happiness that made forgetting his smile a really hard thing to do. He just wanted it all back and if it meant risking the possibility of losing his friendship as time passed them by, then so be it.

As long as Soyoung was happy, it was all that really mattered.

Jin uncovered the cell phone and, as slowly as ever, drew away from the touch that meant so much more to him than anyone could come to imagine. “You should text him back. I don’t think anything will happen if you text him back because Yeongsu, Jun, and everyone knows how to fix things. I trust them and I hope you can trust me when I say Hunsoo won't come back.” And it was a promise he could actually keep and say without an ounce of hesitation when his faith was placed in the hands of those he cherished with all his heart. He’d back to his bed and take that same position as he sat upon it, but never would the solemnity find its way back upon lips that gently smiled and eyes that did the same until Soyoung realized accepting Jin’s friendship was the biggest mistake he had ever made in his life.

[Nymphella]

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if the room seemed calm at all, it was only because Soyoung's body soaked up every last ounce of fear and panic that was available. The way he tensed and seemingly ceased to breath was the only way he could manage not to once again burst into a frantic flame of emotion. The reality Jinhwa didn't attempt to deny sent those jagged razors of realization soaring through Soyoung's veins and perhaps the only thing that truly did keep him from breaking down once more were the arms that surrounded him once Jinhwa stood from where he sat. But only barely. Because as those soft words were whispered past the wisps of Soyoung's hair and into the canal of his ear, it was as if flashcards were continuously being displayed with every syllable, presenting the horror that would have been if he in fact did not tell Jun of Jinhwa's danger and did not arrive on time. His mouth hung as open as his eyes were wide, brows screwed in the terror of the words shaking the walls of his ear. "...what I thought would make you safe...would make you happy...wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore..." So Jun was wrong, then. It was Soyoung's fault. All of it, every last drop of blame was Soyoung's to absorb and no one else's. But worse than who was to blame was what could have happened if Jin's plans followed through. The fact that he may not have even been physically capable to have his arms around the boy who was ready to do something, anything irrational by that point.

Soyoung felt like the moment Jinhwa pulled away was too soon because he selfishly needed that support for just a little while longer. The desperate boy willed his mind not to allow himself to cry again, to remain calm because he didn't need to let Jinhwa see that side of himself again. Soyoung wasn't the only one with guilt threading throughout his being at the moment and so he knew he had to remain calm. And perhaps it helped a bit when he felt those digits carefully moving along his wrist and fingers as a reminder that Jinhwa didn't hate him yet, and that there was time still to pass until Jinhwa would become like the others and find the name "Soyoung" as detestable as his trusted companion Jun already knew it was. The boy still had some time to try to enjoy, to use up, and to attempt to reserve before everything would dissipate regardless of his most diligent efforts. Because one day, those calloused guitarist fingers will go out of there way to ensure any kind of contact with the dancer is implausible. And so for now, he just wanted to pretend that would never happen.

Jinhwa's touches had their special way of keeping Soyoung's emotions on a tight leash when the touches themselves transferred a message he couldn't quite read but yet understood the gist of. For some reason, he could just tell that it wasn't only him that needed the connection and it wasn't only him that relied on such touches to keep him "okay". So when subjects changed, touches released, and attentions were brought on to the cell phone Jin placed in his palm, it took a couple blinks and a moment's time to register what Jinhwa had been referring to. This "he" guy that Jin spoke of didn't click in Soyoung's mind at first and so when he looked up at the man who spoke to see that rare-occasion smile, the mood softly transferred and succeeded in relaxing the boy's current state. The dark clouds that misted his mind moved east and west until the center was clear and he could look back down at Jin's hand that shielded the phone. But just like the clouds, the hand moved as well to reveal the device that still displayed Hangook's text in glowing letters beckoning for a reply.

Soyoung didn't know what to think of this particular turn of events when he had been so mindset on breaking things off before they started but yet two people he felt rather close to were encouraging him to give it a try. But it was so strange and didn't even seem to fit, especially when Jinhwa's assurances didn't make Soyoung feel assured at all. If "Yeongsu, Jun, and everyone" knew how to fix things, then why didn't they in the first place? It just only went to show how Jinhwa always did and always would put his trust in places he shouldn't, and why Soyoung was pretty positive that he shouldn't listen to him. How could Jin honestly believe Hunsoo wouldn't return? What had happened after he passed out? But yet Soyoung found himself not really wanting to know. Eyes flitted up to Jinhwa who was, shockingly enough, still smiling as if he felt all confidence in what he said. It brought him back to the last time he'd seen the male smile like that at him, when he had promised to transfer his knowledge and techniques of an instrument Soyoung was so fond of. It had been a moment so memorable and he'd never forget how vigorously those butterflies tickled his heart when that smile was lit his direction. And even though Soyoung loved to see it, and loved to hear Jin speaking in such a confidence, those butterflies didn't bother to stir. Instead, Soyoung could only feel the same kind of comfort he felt when Rae was there to encourage him and say what was needed to be said in moments of distress.

And that was a great thing.

In fact, the realization itself helped Soyoung to return a soft smile of optimism Jin's way and fingers curled around the rectangular object in his palm. It seemed so wrong to talk about something so trivial as dating in a situation like the one they were in, recovering from the injuries of fighting and dealing with the multitude of guilt all three persons in the room were experiencing. Maybe they all did it on purpose. Maybe they all wanted to think about anything other than what made the day darker than it started out. "You...really think so?" Words emitted softly as those inquiring eyes still connected with Jin's. But they'd falter as they once again looked back upon the thing in his hand. Maybe it really was for the better...for all of them. It was beyond obvious that Jinhwa felt such a strong need to protect the boy due to feeling so responsible for the bad outcome of the first run-in with Hunsoo. He blamed himself and was filled with such a regret. Then to add to that, there were the bracelets that seemed to connect them in a way that Soyoung questioned was even healthy for Jinhwa. His eyes discreetly traveled to the fibrous band around his own wrist and studied it for only a moment. The fact of the matter was that he had worn it every day for Nozomi, not for Jinhwa. He wore it because he found the girl so endearing, her intentions and her wishes something so enlightening that it brought about a calmness when he'd take a moment to look upon the gift from day to day. But he was realizing something, and this realization scared him. What if Jinhwa felt that the bracelet connected them more than it actually did? After all, how many times did Jinhwa's fingertips run over Soyoung's designated wristband? Did Jin feel such a dedication to the girl he wanted so much to make smile that he'd go out of his way to make her wishes come true, regardless of how much it hurt him?

It was sad to think that it would have done Jin so much better if someone else had accompanied him that day in the hospital so that the lovely child would have given the matching bracelet to someone else instead. Someone who wouldn't cause Jin so much pain and strife. Someone more worthy of sharing such an item with the kind-hearted male. Of course the idea of taking off the bracelet came to mind. Maybe he'd just keep it safe somewhere where it'd never get lost or damaged and he'd always have it in memory of the girl he hoped he'd see again someday. But now was not the time to remove it, not just yet, for Jinhwa would probably take the gesture in so many wrong ways completely off from the true reason. The action would have to happen later. Because even though Soyoung agreed it was probably over-dramatic to think so, he still couldn't help but to feel like he was a danger to Jinhwa. Which was why Hangook might have been a blessing in disguise. What if the distraction was what they both needed in between the guitar lessons that would keep their friendship thriving? For Soyoung did not for a single second hope for the ending of a friendship that barely had a chance to truly begin. Especially after the words only moments ago, begging Soyoung not to go anywhere. He wanted to be around Jinhwa, as long as Jinhwa wanted to be around him. And so until Jinhwa realized he didn't want him anymore, Soyoung would be there.

As far as Hunsoo not coming back, Soyoung wasn't so sure. One thing he'd learn in his life was if a person has a vendetta, they can't stop until they feel like it's been justified for their purpose. So he just didn't know. Was it really such a good idea to allow Hangook into his life? But why was it as he looked back down at the pixelated text written to him and only him that he wanted so badly to see that gigantic smile again? To feel those butterflies and to hear...someone say they liked him. It was always difficult for him to put his faith in people and to just rest assured that what they said and how they acted was genuine. But with Hangook, he wanted to at least try it out because what if by some minuscule chance he really was a nice guy with good intentions? "Maybe..." he spoke with hesitation, letting his thoughts mull over his words. "...you two are right?" A thumb lightly padded over the cellular screen as he thought more. "Do both of you actually think that...everything would be okay?" "Listen, man," Rae finally interjected as he rolled on his side. "Hunsoo got a pretty good scare that you didn't get to see on account of your being passed out and all. So just trust me when I say he's not going to waste his time with bothering you, Jinhwa, or anyone associated with you two." Soyoung met his eyes with the one who looked so confident in his claim and yet he still felt so apprehensive.

"...that must mean I'm your number one fan, right?"
xxx"...you blush so easy...It makes you even cuter."
xxxxxx"...a date because I like you kind of date."
xxxxxxxxx"I've never met a dancer as bomb as you to be so humble, so sweet, and so adorable..."
xxxxxxxxxxxx"Will you go on a date with me?"

The idea that those words were ever spoken to him seemed like only a dream his mind fabricated but yet he knew them to be true and the humanistic side of himself wanted so badly to be around the person who said such things to him. Was it wrong? Was it shallow? Was he a bad person for it? He didn't know and even though he remembered Rae's preaching of how he shouldn't feel that way about it, he still couldn't help but to feel wrong for it. But what else could he do when new experiences only made him yearn to experience them again? He sighed as he clutched as his phone even tighter than before and finally walked over to the nightstand and placed the device upon it. "I'll give him a text. Later, though. When...When I have the kind of mind to think of what to say..." Because it wasn't like he could just drop the situation at hand as if it didn't exist anymore. "Rae?" he said with upturned eyes. "Are you completely alright? You didn't get hurt, did you?" "Nahh, man," he said with strength. "I'm fit as a fiddle." Soyoung's lips curled into a genuine smile of relief to hear such good news before he turned the gaze upon Jinhwa.

After all the smiles the guitarist gave to Soyoung, the boy knew to not let his own falter. For didn't Jinhwa deserve a smile after all his despair that Soyoung himself caused? "Well obviously, you're really scruffed up..." he mentioned with that smile softening with the curving of brows that semi-winced in the imagining of how achy Jinhwa's face must have been. He stepped forward and carefully sat on the bed next to Jinhwa on the side where his injured shoulder resided, turning and sliding a horizontal knee upon the mattress to get comfortable. "But did your shoulder get hurt worse? Has its healing time been set back further than what it was before?" His hand slid gently up to the top of the shoulder, lightly touching to feel if all joints were where they were supposed to be. After all, he wasn't awake to see Yeongsu's inspection for himself.

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