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Be the best you could be.
Keep your past behind you and forever look toward the future.
Never let anyone or anything get in the way of your destiny.
Rely on those who will never cease the adoration you truly deserve.
Take ridicule with a grain of salt, for it means nothing without moderation
And finally…

…assume the worst out of every situation you encounter because setting yourself up for a downfall will literally take your breath away.

His own personal manifesto protected him from the wicked tyrannies the world brought upon a soul that only ever quivered at the very brink of fear. To fend himself from ghouls and goblins alike, Jin kept the decree permanently engraved deep within. Mind, body, and soul: his whole entire being dedicated itself to those he loved and cared for under whatever cloud that came his way. May it be rain or shine, he’d make sure his actions accommodated the situation with as much resolve as he could conjure up. Take one step at a time, he’d tell himself on a daily basis. Never glance over your shoulder or ignore the situation right in front of you because if he ever did, the mistakes would only unfold without hesitation.

Maybe it was the reason why his nerves jittered out of control and the natural tendency to speak was way out of his league. When Soyoung gingerly led him a step away from Yeongsu and whispered into his ear, the agreements would follow in fear that the tremors would stumble his every world. If Soyoung hadn’t been there for him, Jin was certain that no one would and for that, he was so very thankful to the man who spoke and took his emotions, his deteriorating expectations, and his despicable situation into an illuminating light that showed how selfless Jin truly was. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone or disappoint those who held the highest expectations for someone who seemed to only dig himself into his own grave.

Jin stood at Soyoung’s side with his last proclamation in mind as he thought about the entire outcome under a gloomy and oppressive cloud thundering overhead. It practically caused a mild episode of immense anxiety to silently brew behind a mournful façade that would’ve displayed 100 times the amount of tears he had already shed, if he wasn’t so mildly composed by the fingers that left their mark upon his hand. The grooves at his knuckles flexed ever so slightly with each caress leading Soyoung’s fingers along the ridges that softened under his touch. On occasions, while Soyoung spoke and Yeongsu stared on with a stoic expression discerning the situation at hand, Jin would tune out everything and start focusing on the bracelet that dangled loosely on Soyoung’s wrist. It would brush softly, almost unidentifiably over his skin, and it was only then that he’d think back on the day where a little girl put on the biggest smile she had ever revealed in her life. ‘…just stay positive,’ Nozomi had said and when the advice rang in his ear, Jinhwa managed to lift his chin up high to take whatever Yeongsu threw at him. He was still so very scared, still so very conflicted with his own emotions, and still so very frightful of what Yeongsu had to say because by the look on Yeongsu’s face, he wasn’t pleased about what Soyoung revealed.

Because really, who wouldn’t be disappointed after hearing everything Jin had done.

Yeongsu passed his gaze off to the side for a moment, his arms folding over his chest loosely while a deep exhale sounded throughout the room. He was so good at concealing whatever went on in his head that interpreting his reaction was close to impossible. He’d stand there without a single word escaping him, his strict and imperceptible eyes revealing a darker shade than usual as he bit at his inner-lip. “First thing’s first,” he began as eye’s sternly leveled with the frightful auburn pair that stared back at him. “Your personal wellbeing takes the utmost priority over all the trivial matters that unwittingly unfolded without a single concern for time. If you had told me about this the moment you stepped into the studio, I would’ve canceled the performance and took you to the hospital myself.” Like slabs of concrete, his tone weighed heavily upon him and nearly dipped Jin’s head back into that withdrawn state that lowered his gaze to the floor. However, Yeongsu caught his chin at the nick of time as he kept his attention in place. “You know how I am about this. You know how sensitive the subject of your health becomes when it has the high probability of evolving into a severe case. I told you about Haneul, didn’t I? Have I not told you before about how much my life is based on everything and anything involving medicine, diseases and the protocols that go with it? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come to me when you knew I could help you to the fullest extent I‘m physically and mentally capable of? Why wait?!” When problems were out of the realm of pathology, Yeongsu could calmly do what he could to solve the dilemma with as much confidence as his ego provided. But when he knew how much resolving infections could take on a mind of its own and potentially be something that was out of his hands, that was when the panic set in. Books, articles, experiments, and medicinal knowledge in general could only go so far because when Yeongsu first-handedly experienced the hopelessness he felt regarding Haneul’s fluctuating condition, there was that sense of inadequacy about everything revolving around the health of those he cared for. He may have sounded as if he was impervious to Jin’s usual obliviousness to the world around him, but Yeongsu was just worried.

Jin understood that a tad bit.

He was aware of Yeongsu’s knack of looking toward the negatives just as he did, but the acknowledgement of such things still didn’t stop him from burying his face into the already damp hallow of Yeongsu’s neck. How he continued to unconsciously cling onto Soyoung’s hand while distressingly twining his unoccupied fingers into the stretchable fabric at Yeongsu’s back, was close to a miracle. Jin’s thoughts focused solely on Yeongsu and how much he desired his presence through and through, but, with reasons he wasn’t quite sure of, Jin couldn’t let Soyoung go. “I didn’t know until now. I’m sorry Yeongsu. I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t know and I was scared. I’m sorry.” It took a while for Yeongsu to return the embrace and realize how wrongly appointed his anger was at that point. The frustrations obliterated into thin air when the mumbles of heart-wrenching apologizes smeared like magma against his skin. As far as he knew, the pain-stricken cries took on a life of its own and molded into a lethal blade penetrating through soft tissues that bled for the male Yeongsu held in his arms. “Please don’t leave me.” Now it was time for Yeongsu to shake his head as a sigh fell from his lips once again.

“I would never. Please understand I’m not the type of person that would easily forget how important you are in my life. You’re there for me and I’ll be there for you. Nothing’s going to change that.” He took his time to emit the reassurance with arms that tightly circled around him. Yeongsu patted down his hair, smoothing out disheveled strands in a comforting manner before deciding to pull away once Jin had calmed down. “If it wasn’t against standard protocol for ER’s to administer a full STD test, I would’ve taken you there right now. But seeing that I can’t, you’ll go first thing in the morning. Understand me?” He watched as Yeongsu made his way to bed, Jin nodding his head once the raven sat at its edge and turned his way. “Now that’s out of the way, I want to talk about this whole setup.” A forefinger casually pointed between Jin and Soyoung as eyes pinned upon fingers that interlaced at either side of them. He didn’t understand what was going on or what the issue with such closeness was all of a sudden. so he thought about addressing it now that he had the chance to. “Before I get into my own personal concerns, I want to know if you intend on telling Jun what you just told me.” The inquiry struck Jin by surprise. He thought it was already implied that everything was going to stay a secret as forelocks swayed with a shake of his head. “No. I can’t.”

“Is that so?” Jin nodded slowly. “Well, I advise you to tell him everything by tomorrow or I’ll be forced to disclose such information to him the following day.” Eyes nearly popped out of its sockets upon hearing the underhanded announcement that took Jin right off his guard. He didn’t know what to think about the sudden revelation of such deeds that needed to be done before he had the chance to prepare himself. “But why? He’s mad at me already. He hates me and there’s-”

“He doesn’t hate you. Hate implies an eternal abhorrence to one’s existence and I’m positive the hatred you speak of isn’t anywhere near eternal. I’m merely doing this for your own good. You and Jin haven’t been on good terms lately, am I right?” There was no need for a nod at that point because it was clear that, after witnessing the verbal abuse shot at Jin for one thing or another, there was no denying how rocky their relationship had become. “I didn’t mean to make him so mad. I don’t even know why he’s angry all the time.” And that’s when Yeongsu shifted his gaze upon Soyoung as if he was the answer to Jin’s confusion. “Tell me Soyoung, what’s the misunderstanding here? Why is Jun so angry? Why do you think the frustration, insecurity and dishonesty emits from the relationship Jin and Jun both share?” They were questions that had no distinct answer. Sure, it wasn’t in Yeongsu’s place to ask or muddle through another’s life, but when it came to the dysfunctionality of his band, that was the only time Yeongsu stepped in. “ Why is Jun so threatened? Did you not notice the hostility he has with you, because it seemed pretty evident to me how disgusted he is with you. I’m sure you’re aware of it, and yet you play it off as if nothing’s happening. Why is that?” Yeongsu casually leaned back on outstretched arms that sank into mattress behind him. He raised a dark and scrutinizing brow, waiting and expecting an answer to come out of the lanky dancer Yeongsu grimly addressed.

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Everything seemed to be playing out the way he expected with Yeongsu's determination for Jinhwa's health and the existence of their brotherhood. Even as Jin cried into the male's neck, Yeongsu would always ever be the comforting figure Jin needed most and it only sent that brush of relief to his senses, temporarily finding Yeongsu to look admirable in the round eyes that looked up at the scene. So, considering the very imminent issue at hand, Soyoung didn't expect that once Yeongsu traveled over to sit upon his bed that the leader would take it upon himself to address something that could have waited for another time when Jinhwa's nerves and emotions weren't frying to a crisp. Soyoung was nothing short of flabbergasted by the insinuation that he'd have any earthly clue as to why Jun's anger was so bad. They claimed it was a recent thing when it came to Jin, but all Soyoung ever saw was Jun's anger, often aimed at the guitarist. And so none of it was new to him. Yeongsu's prodding questions that matched the format of an angry parent simply offended Soyoung to know that somehow, in some way, Yeongsu was putting blame on him.

He was used to it, and was even a victim of his own self with such an intensity in many situations that he might as well have slammed himself shut in an iron maiden. When he knew he did something wrong or caused someone's pain, atonement was something he had to force himself not to perform with too much passion. Jinhwa confirmed his very own self to have wanted Soyoung's friendship that the boy was so happily willing to give him. As for Jun's reasons for hating this, Soyoung had no idea to chew on. It baffled him as much as the lithium anomaly. Which was why he failed to feel responsible for Jun's threatened state when the male had every reason to know that Soyoung was nothing compared to him in Jin's eyes. Soyoung knew it, accepted it, and frankly had no yearning to take that spot when he knew there was no way that Jin was the one for him.

"Why is that?"

Perhaps it was the condescending nature amongst all of Yeongsu's spiel, or the impetuous rise of a brow, but Soyoung wasn't feeling like he was backed into a corner. Because this made no sense. In most situations he could stutter, he could shake, his eyes could flit around. But right now, Soyoung was a confused student who willfully chose to sit at the front of the class in order to learn to his fullest, only to find that his professor seemed daft. "What am I playing off?" he asked with unblinking eyes sheltered by brows that slightly pinched in the genuine nature of his question. "And what is it that I'm pretending isn't happening?" Yeongsu could interpret Soyoung as being smart aleck, or he could interpret Soyoung as purposefully playing dumb to save face. But what left his mouth was only of an ambiguous ignorance, tinged with annoyance. "The claim that Jun's anger with Jinhwa is only recent is news to me. Because ever since I've met him, he's been angry at everyone. I didn't know that his anger with Jinhwa was an odd thing..."

Soyoung knew that his being around Jin infuriated Jun, and he witnessed the curses and reprimandments being had at times Jin allowed Soyoung's company. They boy knew that much. But he could only assume that whether he was there or not, those curses and that volume of voice was something Jin dealt with whether Soyoung was there or not. "Of course I know that Jun assumed my intentions with Jinhwa were less than innocent." He spoke softly, well within his usual character when discussing a matter with someone. Because no matter how annoyed or frustrated he felt, he still couldn't quite find it in himself to be hostile. "And from the things you know and the connotation in your voice, I can only guess that you assume the same thing." He hated the subject at hand and even thought twice about speaking further. But before Yeongsu would no doubtedly shoot more overblown words in his direction, he felt compelled to speak further. The subject was embarrassing, but they crossed it before and made it out fine. Why not again. "We've..." His voice was beginning to sound fragile once more as his eyes softened and brows laxed more naturally, irises lingering to a lower plain. "We've already discussed that matter...Jinhwa and I. I-I've already admitted to him of the little...crush I had..." "Had" being ever so much the keyword at the moment. "But I made clear to him that I acknowledge my issue with differentiating between wanting to be friends and wanting to be more...Given the lack of friends I've had in my life, it's a difficult thing for me to discern..." His breathing was stiff beneath his chest but the boy still managed to get the words out in a calm manner, trying to treat Yeongsu as not an intimidating peer, but maybe that professor to which he's explaining his analysis of a hypothesis. "Being around Jinhwa has helped me to discern what I want and it really is friendship." Because Soyoung knew so well how incompatible Jinhwa was with him. "But I don't think Jun trusts that. I don't know why this bothers Jun, especially when he accepts Jinhwa's friendship with others. I just want Jinhwa's friendship and to be there for him." A downtrodden emotion left his face painfully blank as eyes waded upon the floor because realizations were being made even as he spoke in his defense. "I...didn't know I was such a large reason why Jun's angry with him all the time." Was it really his fault? Did Yeongsu have it wrong?

If only Key could be in the room to possibly calm what may have been in Yeongsu's thoughts. Because what to Soyoung was a genuine explanation might as well have been a great lie to the male who probably viewed Soyoung as the homewrecker that Rae had only joked of him to be. Wasn't it Soyoung who snatched Key up as soon as he was parted from Andrea? Though Key wasn't even in Soyoung's thoughts at the moment, what were the chances that anything he said only awoke the envious fury that Yeongsu would always keep pent up for Key's first boyfriend?

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“Ignorance is bliss.”

Yeongsu’s snide comment sent an inevitable, undulated sensation down the base of Jin’s spine. Whether it was fear or plain nerves that were the cause of such chills, he wasn’t entirely sure, but Jin went on in assuming it was a mixture of nervousness and discomfort pulling lids under the drapery of ebon forelocks. A shadow had cast disturbingly over the pinch of remorse wetting the corner of his eyes. He attempted to stop them from overflowing into an uncontrollable mess he couldn’t tame, feverously tried to cease the thought of Jun’s malicious demeanor from flashing before his eyes, and further struggled with achieving what Yeongsu expected of him by coming out with the truth. Telling Jun everything was a feat beyond what he was capable of accomplishing in the duration Yeongsu allotted.

One day.

He had only one day to gather up as much composure as he could and face Jun with his head held high. There was no second chances with him. A single, most crucial mistake would definitely send Jun off into a rampage if Jin didn’t handle the situation as best as he could, which was the reason why he needed more time. Although, seeing that the situation wasn’t getting any better than he initially expected, time wasn’t on his side anymore. Not for Yeongsu, Not for Jin, and especially not for Soyoung because once the arrogant comments whist passed their leader like a knife plowing through its prey, Yeongsu took it all the wrong ways.

The raven tilted his head off to the side, observing the slab of meat before him as if he was the most repulsive thing that stepped into the room. Tensions were high, his patience was drawing thin, and immense irritation arose the longer his eyes set upon the one who stuck out like a sore thumb. In Yeongsu prejudice perspective, Soyoung was the one that didn’t belong when it came to personal matters of the heart. “Assumptions concerning my thoughts and my presumed intent are frivolous statements that holds no truth toward the matter at hand.” As if Soyoung truly knew what went on in Yeongsu’s head was absolutely ridiculous. To even ’assume’ who the raven sided with was absolutely and utterly absurd because the truth of the matter was, Dae Yeongsu sided with no one but himself. “What I think about the friendship you and Jin share is none of my business and to be quite honest, it’s something I care less about. You’re blinded by what you want and what Jin require to even think of considering other people’s emotions that also comes into play. A negligent act you all share and yet both of you take most of the blame.” Yeongsu rose from his seat and started across the room toward the oak table sprawled with papers and documents he soon gathered in his hands.

He flipped through each opaque sheet, eyes staring at configurations and numbers he had jotted down prior to dipping his conscious into those everlastingly sweet reveries. “You think Jun doesn’t trust your intentions of a budding friendship?” An inquiring look peeked over the files he soon returned to once the message of exasperation transferred between them. “Well, here’s some food for thought. Why think when you’re embedded with actions that will allow a concrete acknowledgement depleting all assumptions?” Yeongsu dropped his arms loosely at his side with file after enmeshed file dangling precariously at the tips of his fingers. Deliberately, Yeongsu took his time walking from one place to another as he retrieved his phone from the nightstand and rounded the bed where he sat with papers neatly set at his side. “Like I said before, assuming and thinking about something you’re not in control of is idiotic, which is why, aside from reassurance, you came to me with your concerns, am I right?” A silent agreement was shared as Yeongsu wasted no time in waiting for a unnecessary reply. “You wanted a confirmation and you got it. Maybe you should learn from the positivism you displayed today and incorporate it into your daily lives, don’t you think?”

For the last time that night, Yeongsu glanced over at the numeric sheets that displayed all the figures concerning Al[tria]’s budget. After distributing and rearranging their expenses from custom wardrobes to their stage setup for their debut, Yeongsu was able to come up with a final consensus as eyes drifted back upon Soyoung and Jin. “Financially, we have more than enough to keep all the components of our debut as we first intended from the very beginning. However…” The pause that followed had the ability to place it’s victims on edge more than anyone could have thought possible. As intentional as it was, Yeongsu hesitated with the very slit of eyes looming on none other than Soyoung who he had personally loathed for so many reasons he couldn’t describe. “The competition between you and your fellow dancers is still in motion. Thought I clarify that before you assume you had the right to alleviate the tension this elimination has clearly brought about.”

“But you said we have enough money. I don’t understand.”

“It’s best for the group that this arrangement continues.” And that was that. Yeongsu refused to offer an elaborate explanation because why put in the effort when he was far too exhausted to do so. “So, if there isn’t anything else to discuss, you should let my boyfriend in before a case of separation anxiety breaks out.”

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Confusion was a mass within the boys that seemed to be growing and webbing within him to the point that he felt no fear in showing it blatantly on his face the way his brows curved to create little lines between one another. Either out of pride or truth, Yeongsu denied Soyoung's assumption but yet without ever explaining his nature of questioning him so in the first place. The boy was taken aback as his mind tried to wrap around the odd way Yeongsu danced around his own message and concluded with assuming Soyoung got the confirmation he wanted when the boy never remembered wanting confirmation from the likes of Yeongsu. The male was far beyond arrogant and as he spoke with such an air of crisp judgment and narcissism, Soyoung couldn't bare to imagine for one second what Key saw in him. What Key thought was more suited for him than what Soyoung gave him...It didn't make anu sense but yet such thoughts were supposed to never be asked in a world where Key was not his and nor should he want him to be.

Should.

The boy stood their in a stupor, feeling like his professor just relayed an oddly thrown-together argument for what they just discussed, leaving him with nothing to respond with because how do you respond to nonsense? Soyoung was a logical thinker, much like Yeongsu, but his downside was responding to things that made no sense. He took far too long thinking about the matter, delving, twisting, and turning to discuss with a sense of dignity. But his thoughts were disrupted by the lackadaisical mention of the group's financial standing and, in turn, the competition that would still ensue. Soyoung's heart made a reverse jolt that oddly felt as if it became smaller because the more time had passed, the more this slitted eyes before him seemed to fade into another slitted face that would glare at him in such a similar way. Soyoung didn't understand for a second. Wasn't there even a small part of Yeongsu that liked Soyoung in some way? Jinhwa said Yeongsu found potential in him and that was why the male chose him for the solo. And Key confirmed that Yeongsu would have only chosen someone who would represent Al[tria] the best way possible. So did he disappoint him? Why didn't Yeongsu just go ahead and fire him? For the male whose hand Soyoung held in that moment?

It took a moment for Soyoung to register Yeongsu suggesting letting Key in, wondering why in the world Yeongsu couldn't do the kind act for his own boyfriend instead until Soyoung ruled out that Yeongsu felt he was too good to open the door when he had someone like Soyoung to obey his every demand. But Soyoung wasn't done talking! Should he tell Yeongsu of how Jun refused to help him? Would such a thing brand him as a liar that both Jinhwa and Yeongsu would believe he is if he said such? Therefore he knew: he couldn't tell them. "But...I still have questions..." He said politely. "I never came to you in a concern for other than Jinhwa, and so I think some information was skewed somewhere because I'm left here still quite puzzled about everything you said." But how dare he claim that anything Yeongsu said wasn't clearly stated, right? But Soyoung's mind worked so concretely that no matter how well-put something was, if it made no sense with what he thought the conversation was about, he would never make use of the words given to him. "Do you more concretely know why Jun's mad because of me? If it's because he doesn't trust my intentions, why is that? I don't understand it. Do you know?" His questions were only of genuine need-to-know and that was why he looked upon Yeongsu with the eyes of a learning pupil, eager for the information that will help him ace his course.

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Full of complications and indecent behavior shrouded Soyoung’s stupefied demeanor to the point where his intelligence dated back to the prehistoric age. Like that of a caveman, Soyoung etched an expression of pure perplexity that might as well have been forever set in stone with how bothersome he started to become. And here Yeongsu thought he was two seconds away from seeing the beautiful, delectable and highly permissive face of his beloved Kibum. “I guess a clever hperintelligent pandimensional being such as myself has to stoop to the levels of simplicity.” Yeongsu tiredly flopped on his side, allowing his face to hit the pillow with a dramatic slosh of his hair forming like a halo about the comforts in which he laid. With an arm tucked under his head and his legs comfortably crossed at his ankles, the incensed raven practically glowered at the inquirer who failed to take the hint. Not that he intended to make his intentions so blandly obvious, but seeing that Soyoung would eternally hold the confusion upon his face, there was no use in garnishing his words when he had to deal with the mind of a toddler. “Trust your intensions?” Yeongsu huffed out a laugh. “Here’s a good question for you: Is Jun even aware of your intensions?”

Jesus Christ! Why did he have to deal with him?! Why did he have to see him outside of the studio!? Why in god’s name was Soyoung so damn clueless?!? Yeongsu refrained from screaming the curses right into his pillow with that odd, rather peculiar way of averting his attention elsewhere when enough was enough, and he was simply fed up with looking at Soyoung longer than he deemed necessary. “It would’ve been ideal, wouldn’t it?” Yeongsu was the type of person who despised leading people like Soyoung through a path that was literally paved with all the signs and symbols that led to all the answers to his questions. There was no need in spoon-feeding him what he wanted to know when it was right in front of his face. “For you to have anyone as your mentor, besides the person who would rather see you fail as oppose to the succession you foolishly assume, would‘ve been ideal, am I right?” And there it came once again. How the word of ‘assumption’ would stick itself in the middle of his sentence was quite amusing. He’d annunciate the word like a bitter aftertaste punctuating in a manner that implied how tiresome it was to speak of the obvious.

“Jin,” he unexpectedly addressed as he turned his attention toward the quiet male. “Why do you think I paired Soyoung and Jun together?” Was there a right answer to his question? Jin stood there with a distant stare lodged into each orbital plane that darted about for the reply Yeongsu was looking for. While meeting the other’s gaze, Jin finally thought it was better to be honest about his opinions as he shrugged his shoulders. “For him to improve because a group is as strong as its weakest link.” As a leader, Yeongsu had muttered those words over and over again on countless occasions. Jin believed him and the statement itself because what was there to contradict when the raven whole-heartedly dedicated in refining not only himself, but the people around him as well.

Yeongsu didn’t confirm nor deny Jin’s outspoken reply, but had instead roved his gaze over the disorderly look meshed wildly upon every inch of Soyoung’s face. “How about you Soyoung? Why do you think I paired you up with Jun? Try to be honest, you know how much Jin and I despise those who hide behind a swath of lies. What an ironic statement, considering Yeongsu was the epitome of deceit.

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The extent of most interactions between Soyoung and Yeongsu were critiques inside the studio and bully-and-bait in small doses outside of it. Therefore, Soyoung was merely learning what kind of argumentative soul Yeongsu was in every aspect, not just work and Kibum. Yeongsu set flame to the words he he spat, meant specifically to burn Soyoung alive in an insult to the boy's intelligence. Soyoung listened to the poison-steamed words and even though he felt that pang of offense, defense, and annoyance, he did his best to uphold a strong resolve. "This has to do why my question?" he asked plainly, eyes of a neutral state as lips hung parted in his remaining confusion. "Because I don't know why you paired us. I have my assumptions but you keep stomping on every assumption I put out there, when you clearly condemn the usage of assumptions in the first place. Why should I feel like giving you my assumptions will do me any good at the moment? And why would you ask for them? I remember you calling me idiotic for thinking things I'm in no control of." Eyes looked left and right upon Yeongsu's visage where eyes of condescension only seemed to fuel his questioning brain, the mind that sought out entertainment in the forms of puzzles, riddles, and brain teasers.

One couldn't blame the boy for being a bit mad. Soyoung had by then gotten used to Yeongsu's imposing presence and the thing that differentiated the male for others who would cause the boy's mouth to be sewn shut is that instead of screaming, cursing, or using his bronze as a threat, he was speaking. It was easier for Soyoung to respond in defense when it seemed that someone of a matching intelligence level to his was the one attacking. "But yet, you've stated a few of your own assumptions as well and I fail to see how you're better than me or how any of this proves that you're 'a clever hyperintelligent pandimensional being'." It was strange that his eyes never blinked as if Soyoung was a creepy porcelain doll. "But since I personally believe that thinking of things you have no control over is a smart decision in regards to self preparation for any event in one's life, I'll give you a few of my assumptions."

He was stiff with anger, finding Yeongsu to be that much more insufferable than he ever has been. But as always, he was able to speak with a level tone. "At first, I really wanted to assume that your choice in pairing me with Jun was one to push me further to become a better performer. To ensure that Al[tria] was equipped with dancers who could meet the standards set for them. But then that made you seem too admirable. And I thought what if you were disappointed in my performance yesterday and therefore gave me a feat you deemed impossible for me to overcome just to have a real reason to fire me? But then I thought...Wouldn't you just straight up fire me if that were the case? So like I said before: I don't know. But I hope you asking me this had a roundabout reason for answering my initial question. Because right now, I could care less about why you chose to pair me with him and assigned me a dance style that takes for more than a week to learn, because I have every intention of surpassing level one days in advance. What I care about at the moment is being there for someone I'm concerned for but I have a force trying to keep me from doing exactly that. And instead of telling me that you don't know why or explaining the answer, you belittle me and ask me questions instead of straight up telling me what you're trying to see if I can come to on my own."

He remembered the hand he still held and after a moment's breath, he turned to look at Jinhwa for a moment as his thumb smoothed over the male's hand once more. "Whether you test positive or negative, whether Jun accepts you or shuns you, I want to be there to either celebrate or support. You told me you don't want me to go anywhere. Which is why I hope to make things right between me and Jun. And I wonder if I'll need help with it." Because he wasn't quite sure if Yeongsu was willing to spare the information Soyoung nicel asked of him.

Key had been so long from his thoughts that he was slightly shocked at the sound of the door opening. "This is all taking way too long," Key said with a slight irritability as he closed the door behind him and walked over to the bed, sat at Yeongsu's side, and looked Soyoung right in the eyes. "If something's really that badly wrong to take a decade, then I want you to share it with me. All I've heard is your voice and Yeongsu's voice muffled through the door so that mean's something's up and it has to do with you. Tell me." But Soyoung was still annoyed at the sound of Yeongsu's name. But why did Soyoung smile just a tad bit in responding to Kibum? "Yeongsu thinks that assuming and thinking about things you're in no control of is idiotic. I just wanted to let you know since he's standing right there and you just said all that." Key's brow lifted farther than its natural pristine arch. "Does he now?" Key said, almost in a feline purr. He turned to look at his lover and placed folded arms upon Yeongsu's broad shoulders, resting his chin upon them as the warmth of his body enclosed upon that side of Yeongsu. "Did the King of Assumptions and Thinking Too Much really say that?" Key enjoyed playing with the man who assumed too often that Key was flirting when he chose to speak cordially with a male, or assumed Key was such an insufferable person when they first met, or assumed Key didn't consider his feelings in certain situations, or assumed so many things that always drove the diva mad. Soyoung smiled again at the display before him, though he'd always have to admit that seeing Key so clingy upon Yeongsu hurt him somewhere inside.

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Back off while you can or suffer the wrath of an irrational, insidiously psychopathic and untamed fiend, equipped with those lethal talons that could rip, thrash, and dislodge the chords that made talking accessible for those that went beyond the thresholds of stupidity.

There was a dangerous, almost murderous glint emblazing the fires in Yeongsu’s eyes for a fraction of a second that it took for Yeongsu to classify the emaciated, existential figure before him, as nothing more than a nuisance in his life. He had to commend him for taking care of Jin the way he did, but when it came straight down to the point where appreciation and irritation meshed into a abstruse mess of verbal conflict waiting to happen, there was that need to restrain himself. Muttering a thank you or even acknowledging his good deed would only result in a bruised ego after all that was said. It jus couldn’t be done anymore. Yeongsu had the right of mind to tune him out when a bulk of gibber-jabber and nonsensical rubbish poured out of him as if he had no idea who exactly he was speaking to. Turning Yeongsu words around, using them as some kind of defense against a question that would’ve worked to Soyoung’s advantage, and practically belittling him by correcting him and attempting to put them on the same level of intelligence, was like presenting yourself as grub for a hungry liger that was ready to slash through skin, break into bone and contort that sniveling look upon his wretched face.

Body language mechanized emotions into a tangible and foreseeable frame of disclosure that couldn’t hide behind the façade Yeongsu solemnly displayed. He’d make as if he didn’t care, brows remaining neutral, while eyes lazily dragged over Soyoung’s thin silhouette with not much thought put into a reply. But truth be told, he was upset and Jin could see it by the way Yeongsu’s fingers discreetly clawed into the sheets. He noticed the tension in his shoulder, the way muscles at his jaw flexed as if he was biting down on a retort that would’ve sent the boy fending for his life if Soyoung hadn’t quickly shifted onto another subject.

Observant eyes locked onto Soyoung’s delicate features that conveyed a message, or a sense of reassurance, that there was nothing to worry about. While the small volley or retorts were had between Soyoung and Yeongsu just seconds ago, Jin was lost in his own thoughts that revolved around the subject the dancer spoke of. A blanket of comfort followed the single stroke of Soyoung’s thumb at that moment, Jin’s concerns seeming insubstantial when Soyoung claimed he’d be there no matter what happened. He wasn’t alone and really, that was all that mattered to the man who continuously ran from the dark when abandonment took a hold of his heart. Hands and the fingers that came along with it meant the world to him. They were the only source that latched onto him when Jin felt as if his world was closing in, and escaping was futile in his pessimistic eyes. Jin wasn’t sure why Yeongsu, or anyone else would feel so hostile toward someone like Soyoung when all he did was care for people who was evidently in need.

Jin lowered his gaze upon the fingers that wrapped securely around his hand, but before he could register how united they seemed to be, the door sounded behind them and Key came waltzing in for an explanation. And he had to wonder, were they going to tell Key everything? Fortunately for him, Soyoung began to speak about the fallacies of Yeongsu’s claims and, much like a statue, Jin watched the stiff expression on the raven’s face soften when lips found their way upon Key’s cheek.

“il est gênant.” Slowly, the factual statement of ‘he’s bothersome’ rolled sensually off of the tongue that curled and lapped over the lobe of Key’s ear. Fingers trickled over his cheek as the soft, romantic textures of rose petals emblemized in the sensations that followed, as Yeongsu lovingly tucked stray strands of hair behind Key’s ear. “ ° He’s a pathetic, good-for-nothing imbecile who didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as my Kibum. ° “ A tone of perfection mimicked the tranquil harmonies an angel’s harp was only ever known for. It was as if he’d spoken sweet nothings into his ear when in truth, his blood boiled as the venoms plundered into the pit of his stomach. “There’s a misunderstanding Yeobo~.” Yeongsu childishly whined, his whole demeanor smoothly transitioning from a pompous beast to a harmless, victimized cub. “It seems he doesn’t know the difference between facts and assumptions.” Yeongsu gave a little smile as if the act itself would melt away the intended insult hurled Soyoung’s way. “He hopes things will resolve in due time, but hoping isn’t as efficient as putting words into action.” Being as careful as possible as to not upset his diva, was close to an impossible task Yeongsu was determined to accomplish.

He had to get his thoughts across because god only knew if he didn’t bash Soyoung’s claims that carelessly spouted out prior to Key’s arrival, he’d only be on edge the whole night. “Why give false hope when one doesn’t know the future and you doubt yourself along the way? It’s like setting yourself up for a downfall, and that is where the idiocy of assumptions come from. It’s best to just keep your mouth shut, go about your day, and initiate what you hope will happen rather than making it an idea for others to mull over.” Unlike Soyoung, Yeongsu was able to change things if he wanted to. He had the power, the wit, the strength and especially the determination to do so. If he wanted to make the ‘ideal’ pair Soyoung deemed as an assumption, he would’ve done so. Sure, Yeongsu had thought about saving Jun and Soyoung the squabbles that would obviously brew between them by letting Kazuma, or anyone else for that matter, be the nuisance’s mentor. But he refused to do just that because he had his reasons and good intensions behind those reasons as well, which is why it pissed Yeongsu off that Soyoung would try and weed out the answers from someone else rather than dealing with the source of his problems himself. Did he really expect Yeongsu to give Soyoung the tools to fight his battles?

Ridiculous.

“Have any more questions Soyoung? Because if you don’t, I bid you a goodnight.” He didn’t care if Key was there. If Soyoung had the audacity to speak out the way he did minutes ago, then Yeongsu would most definitely reply without any hesitation or restraint.

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It became ever so evident that Yeongsu's kryptonite came in the form of a certain quarter-shaved diva who instinctively discerned (by the fact that Soyoung would say what he said in the first place) that Yeongsu was being nothing short of a bully in some way, some fashion. Key knew both quarreling males to know they're far more alike than Yeongsu would ever acknowledge or admit and therefore they were likely having a discursive war that twisted and turned around their own personal perspective on subjective matters, most likely treating them as fact. But as Soyoung looked on and saw how Yeongsu really was the fake Soyoung believed him to be to put on his good-boy hat in front of Key, that pang returned when the kisses crawling from the diva's cheek to his ear were his to witness. Eyes faltered to the floor so that he wouldn't be able to see the way Key's shoulder curved upward in faux-bashfulness, eyes squinting in accompaniment to the million-dollar smile that showed teeth ever so slightly biting his bottom lip. But Soyoung could hear the light giggles as Yeongsu needlessly and pretentiously spoke in French but what he didn't expect was to hear Key playfully "Stop iiiit~" before harmlessly slapping Yeongsu on his shoulder.

He felt it was safe to look up again and Yeongsu had indeed stopped his indecent display, but not without saying his words of defense in the form of explanation toward the one person who would defend Soyoung if Yeongsu so chose to deliver the words to Soyoung in the angrier tone that he truly preferred to use. The boy rolled his eyes emphatically at what he deemed to be stupid claims, his mind jotting every single thing he heard down. And so when Yeongsu turned his attention to Soyoung once again, the boy just couldn't help himself. "Yeah...A couple questions." And as always, he kept his tone level, his face neutral. "Do you propose that asking questions is not an action? And therefore you're implying that I'm only hoping, instead of considering that the answers to my questions, if given, could bring me about to perform more actions in order to resolve things? Have you never asked questions like mine before?"

"It’s best to just keep your mouth shut, go about your day, and initiate what you hope will happen rather than making it an idea for others to mull over."

"But I have another question too...If I kept my mouth shut and went about my day only to initiate what I hope will happen...Wouldn't that mean that I acted upon an assumption that I didn't investigate and therefore things could backfire? Wouldn't that be the same thing as 'setting yourself up for a downfall and that is where the idiocy of assumptions come from'?" Key's eyes remained alert as he stared at Soyoung for a moment, remembering times when he saw the boy like this. And if things kept on going, Soyoung and Yeongsu would go in circles all night, through the morning, and as they made their way to the studio the next day. "Hoh~ No, no, no! You two are not going to debate all damn night, I can tell you that right now. So you know what? I'll solve this! Some people have different methods of going about different issues and any of those methods could work depending on the particular situation. You see? BAM! You're both right! Now me and Yeongsu need to sleep because we have a tower date tomorrow night...or tonight...whichever you consider it." He flounced the hair about his face in a quick motion with a "whatever" roll of his eyes. And for some reason, Soyoung softly smiled at Key's flustered state because he knew that the diva knew him too well, sometimes. And he glanced over bashfully at Jinhwa with the same smile, almost as if saying he was sorry that he can't turn away from a debate, sometimes.

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Bite his tongue.
Bite his tongue.
Bite his tongue
Bite his goddamn [********] tongue.

Deny his claims, restrain his desires to verbally rip him apart, refrain from burying his scrawny figure six-feet under, and insist Soyoung will forever be that pompous a** that needed to know his place: the objectives scattered into a million inconsistent pieces that were no more cohesive than they were possible to physically execute without someone pulling him back. Now he understood why Soyoung got himself into trouble, while bringing others down with him in the process. Now he understood why it was necessary to do what he did when implementing the suffrage Soyoung would have to endure with none other than the devil himself.

Jun would bestow Soyoung with the agony, the distress and the neglect he deserved, and honestly, Yeongsu didn’t care. Keep thinking his logic was any more superior than Yeongsu’s own was like a death-sentence waiting to happen, and he’d be damned to allow Key to let his ex-boyfriend have the last say on the matter. “Tch, as if I’d stoop so low as to be on the same page as him.” Oh no, it wasn’t funny anymore. Not that their spackle exuded any ounce of humor to begin with, but it seemed that Soyoung took this whole conversation across the condemnable plains where Yeongsu’s own words were continuously used against him. “Talk is cheap, nullifying my assertions is a bold way of getting yourself into more trouble than you’re already in, and it seems you take it to the next level by attempting to cheaply correct me as you further use my statements against me.” And with that said, did Key really thought Yeongsu would bite his tongue and leave it at that?

Hell no!!!

“Considering the answers to your questions can possible bring up more actions in order to resolve things?" How ridiculous did that sound... "Why perform more unnecessary actions when only one is required to be made?” When his blood simmered under hot coils fueled by repulsion and the contingency to verbally drive a knife through his heart, Yeongsu couldn’t sit still. He retreated from Key’s warmth, his comfort, and the essence that made him so desirable as he planted his feet on the floor. While he sat there at the edge of the bed yet again, Yeongsu brought himself to smirk benevolently at his prey. “Oh, I should stop myself right there because isn’t that an assumption? Was the question I just asked provided means of illustrating such inquiries as another assumption at play?” Yeongsu clicked his tongue in disgust, giving Soyoung that same exact look of repugnance with eyes that humorously saw right past him. “Well, here’s the thing, assumptions feeds off of doubt, fear and hopelessness only you could ever flawlessly portray. You hesitate in getting things done, you wait until they blow out of proportion and that’s where the faults, inquiries and the idiotic assumptions begin. Of course, I’ve asked questions,” at least he could admit that much. “But they never deliberately sought out answers to a problem I could have easily resolved myself. Although, you have the tendency to idiotically turn my words around so you think I assume that your problems are simple and that way of thinking is an assumption within itself. But when confidence comes into play, it becomes a fact and the fact of the matter is, if you can’t handle a situation correctly or wittily turn it around to your advantage than that’s your problem. You can dub or assume the way I’d go about the problem is an action that sets you up for your own downfall…I don’t care, but think in that context or ignore it entirely and you’ll most likely find yourself going home faster than you thought possible.”

It was when Yeongsu stood and slowly strode their way did Jin take that one step forward to meet the enraged raven half way. The dangerous shimmer in Yeongsu’s eyes resembled that same murderous look he had when dancer’s spoke ill of his position as Al[tria]’s leader and his relationship with Key. Back in the hallway, he had physically assaulted the dancer that carelessly spouted out such hateful allegations and seeing how everything was unfolding, Jin was scared Yeongsu would implement that same pain on Soyoung. “Yeongsu…” The face-to-face encounter shriveled into a distant stance that place Jin in between the tyrant and his victim with the purpose of protection in mind. But Yeongsu merely chuckled at such a response and placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder. “There’s no need to worry Jin. Even though I’m more than capable of doing so, I’d never hit someone that wasn’t worth my time. I’m just here to imply that his presence isn’t necessary,” he announced as he directed his gaze back upon the nuisance idly standing mere millimeters from where he spoke. “So leave, or I’ll personally see to it myself that the door doesn’t hit you on your way out.”

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At first, considering that he hadn't heard the first majority of the argument, Key was able to think blithely and smile when he saw the tiniest little grin upon Soyoung's face. Maybe the argument really wasn't that bad? But everything took a turn for the chaotically worse when Key heard a tone in Yeongsu's voice that only reverted the diva's mind to a hateful, closeminded male he met a month and a half ago. He'd sit there and listen, nerves curdling and tensing as he listened just as intensely as Soyoung no doubt had been, with his his that stared on like an angry ghost child, skin pale around dark eyes that barely even hung below black bangs. And as Key looked at the boy, he could see something that must have been invented after he left the boy those years ago. Soyoung was questioning how he could have ever wrapped his arms around a person such as Yeongsu. To entrust his physical being so completely to the likes of someone who know doubt wanted nothing less than to rip his ribcage out. And the boy made a mental vow never to touch Yeongsu again.

Key's looked on with tightened lips and a stiff breathing mechanism as all he could see was his own self standing where Soyoung stood as Yeongsu did everything he could to belittle and dumb him down. That tone of voice, the way he turned everything around to fit his needs for the moment, all of it. And so when the male stood, Key instinctively jolted into an upright sitting position, his heart racing. But what Soyoung saw as he nearly snarled up at Yeongsu was an embodiment of everything he had to fight in secrecy. Yeongsu's eyes seemed sharper than usual, his mouth far more angular, and his chin pointing like a biological knife. And how strange that even his hair seemed to lighten in color as his height shrunk by half a foot.

"Eunhae..."

But that wasn't the name Jinhwa spoke in concern, was it? Soyoungs eyes flitted to the side as he realized that at some point his hand was released and Jin was no longer beside him, but separating him and Yeongsu.

"...you can always feel safe with me...'

And he did. His heart was able to beat again as a bit of the blood pumped to renew what was lost in his cheeks. No matter how Yeongsu spoke the word "hit", it only informed Soyoung that he was thinking of it. Whether he was right or wrong, Soyoung only knew what he was taught. And when a man approaches you with that very look in his eyes, they only want to physically bruise, maim, or break you. It was the second time he remembered Yeongsu walking toward him like that, however slower this second time may have been.

Key's pulse was beating faster than usual as he couldn't believe the audacity Yeongsu had to act that way toward someone who had every right to say their defenses to the king of manipulation. Every single thing Yeongsu said to Soyoung might as well have been said straight to Key's face because he couldn't help but to feel the personal pang of offense when Yeongsu addressed Soyoung, even when he was basically kicking the boy out of their room. "Hold up!" Key exclaimed as he hopped from the bed and tromped over to Yeongsu's side. "You can demand what you want in your studio whenever you please but whose room is this? Mine! I'm paying for it, my name is signed to it, and therefore you have no right to kick someone out of it." Yeongsu didn't know the kind of buried demons within Key that he dug up in those last moments. Because there was no way Yeongsu could know how his past actions still haunted Key to that very day in a way that left him questioning his lover's current behaviors and intentions. So it was only natural that Key's eyes would grow fierce with fury to defend someone he knew he'd hurt so badly years ago. Ever since he was reunited with Soyoung, he only ever wanted to ensure he'd find the happiness he deserved. But what killed Key the most was the fact that if it wasn't for his very own self, Yeongsu may not have had any reason in the world to hate the boy.

"You know what I see right now?!" Key inquired sharply. A pristine finger pointed in Soyoung's direction. "Me! A month and a half ago." Then he turned that finger over into Yeongsu's chest. "And you a month and a half ago." And the knowledge of such a thing hurt Key so badly to admit. "And I want to side with you because you're the man I love. But you said he turned your words against you. Don't you remember when you literally turned my words against me?" The memory of a certain recorded clip brought a pinch in Key's throat that caused his distressed voice to crack. "If I know Soyoung, he just wanted some answers. And if I know you, you completely refused to give them." The amount of questions Key has asked Yeongsu to that day that have not been answered seemed uncountable. And they all started from day one when all Key wanted to know was why he hated him. Something Key was still bitter about, considering that Yeongsu still never gave him the time of day to explain to him. And the swelling memories brought stinging tears to his eyes that lingered upon his lower lids in a mist. "You're so manipulative. So I don't know who to side with, though it should be you."

Key brought his fingers to his eyes in a delicate wipe as he took a breath to collect himself, turning to Soyoung with an expression that acted as if he wasn't near crying at all. But how flimsy a facade when Soyoung had seen, for the second night in a row, Key shed tears because of Yeongsu. "Soyoung...Yeongsu has a habit of trying to eliminate a person's opportunity of a last word. And so, since this is my room, I'm asking you is there one last thing you'd like to say? And then we all really should go to bed." Soyoung stared up at the lips that tense in his attempt to seem responsible and neutral, when he knew it only hurt him to be so. Soyoung stood in silence for a moment, eyes staring, unblinking, until he finally drew in a little breath. "A few moments ago, I had a ton of things I wanted to say. But now..." Those eyes flitted from Key, to Yeongsu, and back to the tearful diva. "Now all I want to say to Yeongsu is..." And his eyes looked over to the male he loathed one last time. Which of the many thoughts should he chose? Tell Yeongsu to fix whatever reason Key had tears in his eyes? Tell Yeongsu his narcissism blinds his perception of things? Tell him he has issues with clearly stating things in a way that presents his argument well?"...Nothing." And the eye contact remained unbroken. "He brought up a subject he wanted a response to, I asked him for help, and he refused it. We'll just have to agree to disagree on his reasoning for his decision."

He turned away and paused for a moment. "You can come with me if you want, Jinhwa-hyung. But I understand if you need to speak further with Yeongsu..." And he left. He got the hell out of there. But walking down that hall was so lonely that his heart seemed to crack as his skull ached and hands slid up his face to grasp at the roots of his hair, brows knitted so tightly. Why was it that a hall filled with no one but himself felt so unsafe?

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When was there never a time, in the years that he lived and remembered thus far, when impeccability imploded into a morbid typhoon that carried the debris of imperfection with insults, threats, disagreements and quarrels Jin could only ever despise. Where ever he was, whoever it was, and whatever the situation seemed to be, the once peaceful, understanding and sympathetic setting would always find itself morphing and unfathomably transforming into a quarry as bombs, missiles and nuclear-powered disputes set off to commence a destruction Jin never intended to happen. He wanted to understand, wanted to receive the forgiveness his brittle heart yearned for; wanted so much to have everything run smoothly the moment Yeongsu relinquished the worries and concerns his soul hopelessly fell victim to, but he wasn’t sure what was happening or how it even begun.

Jin was so lost in his thoughts concerning Jun and the encounter to come the following day, that the argument between Soyoung and Yeongsu was almost nonexistent to the point where confusion broke out when threats accentuated the anger in Yeongsu’s eyes. They blackened, shaded, dimmed and completely obscured his features into a monstrous façade that might as well have been his second-skin, because what Jin saw seemed to have transfixed into a natural imbalance where malice rooted into Yeongsu’s heart far more than love ever did. It inhabited his soul, scathed and sullied the eyes that were always known to be so gentle in the face of danger, remorse and the pressures that came with being Al[tria]’s leader. What Jin saw wasn’t the Dae Yeongsu he clung to and yet it wasn’t as if he was to blame for it all. Yeongsu was acting upon instinct and Jin understood that, but that didn’t give him the excuse to make Key cry or Soyoung dash out of the room with an aura of distress trailing close behind.

Jin looked backed at the door left ajar, knowing all too well what he should do, but hesitating in his approach because the situation left him concerned for both parties that pointed the blame across the battle field where their enemies laid. They hated each other and as much as Yeongsu had evidently displayed his displeasure whenever Soyoung was in the area, it was still breaking news to the oblivious man who never came to terms with the obvious. It never pieced together. The reasons were scattered all over the place and he couldn’t help but to question everything that unfolded before him. Why was it that everyone he cared for shunned Soyoung out of the circle Jin was trying so hard to make him a part of? Why was the level of hatred exceeding the realms of pure enmity that was only ever fit for the underworld? How can he make things right? What did he have to do to fix what he thought to have created?

Because if he wasn’t so insistent on meeting Yeongsu so early in the morning, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Maybe he would’ve saved Key from the depression of a memory that met with tears. Perhaps, he’d also save Yeongsu from the guilt that caused them as well. And possibly, he would’ve even had the power to prevent the emotions that clawed into Soyoung’s heart when he quickly fled the room.

What was done was already done and he understood that, but wishful thinking made his own guilt ever present within a soul that was as thin as ice. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I’m sorry.” He bowed down at a 90 degree angle not to only show how apologetic he really was, but to hide from the faces that displayed the pain he didn’t have the heart to witness. “It’s not your fault. Diverse personalities clash, old demons arise, my own rendition of stupidity gets the best of me…and in the end of it all, I’m always at fault.” The knot in Yeongsu’s throat filled with the same sadness he displayed every night when tears were on the verge of rimming his eyes. Jin willed himself upright in concern for the raven who hide behind a smile that was as frail as ever.

“That’s not true.” Such a true statement was recycled many times over because what more could he say when all Yeongsu spoke of were nothing but lies. Yeongsu would laugh so softly in order to conceal what he truly felt, but Jin knew what bothered him; and after reflecting upon what had occurred, he now realized why the confrontation between Soyoung and Yeongsu hit so close to home for the lone raven that had so much on his mind. “I can listen.” But a part of him wanted to see if Soyoung was okay. In the back of his mind, a great portion of his concerns centered upon Soyoung and the look of indifference he had before he left the room. It was as if he was covering up what he felt, just as Yeongsu did when he refused Jin’s offer. “It’s fine. Key’s with me and that’s all I really need right now. Just make sure you get everything done tomorrow morning and call me if you need anything.” That was his cue to leave and he took it with another apologetic bow before heading out the door.

Planted in the middle of an empty hall, he looked down at either side of him, wondering if the path he wanted to venture through was the right one to choose. Though, he began to walk nonetheless, but did anyone really need him? Wasn’t he the source of all their problems? It couldn’t be true, he never wanted it to divulge into a truth he couldn’t and wouldn’t accept because if that was the case, Jin was better off alone and the last thing he wanted was to look at his surrounding and find no one there to led out a helping hand.

Suffocating as it was, he sought to strip himself free of the worries, free of the heartache, free of everything that made him so guilty because he needed to take Yeongsu’s advice. Even when he seemed to have tuned their argument out when it occurred, Jin managed to gather bits and pieces of what was said. He couldn’t let assumptions eat him alive anymore because the results of such a cowardice way out would only cause him to turn on his heels and run away from a problem that needed to be brought to Jun’s attention sooner rather than later. If he didn’t, Soyoung would suffer the consequences in the form of an angry tirade he didn’t deserve. Protection of all shapes and sizes was what Soyoung needed and it was Jin who personally promised no one was going to hurt him.

So where was he?

Jin picked up his pace, his head turning off at every hall he ran by and when Soyoung’s small and sluggish figure was finally seen off at a distance, that was the path he chose to take as he stopped Soyoung in place. “I’m sorry that everything happened.” He took a big clump of loose fabric at Soyoung’s back as a means to keep him in place because he wasn’t sure how else to stop him from walking away. The possibility of Soyoung being upset with him had crossed Jin’s mind and for that, he tried to keep his distance while forever plastering that physical connection between them at all times. “You and Yeongsu wouldn’t have fought if I didn’t ask to see him. Please don’t be mad at me for making that mistake and making you feel so upset. I didn’t mean to.” For all he knew, Soyoung blamed him for the confrontation that occurred because what other reason would Soyoung have for leaving without him. He gave Jin the chance to have some time with Yeongsu and speak of what had already been discussed, but the speed in which he left was like pushing him away when giving Jin the chance to follow went right out the door the moment Soyoung left him behind. A misunderstanding it really was, and yet the fear lingered when he tried to keep them as far as away from him as possible. “But I hope you’re okay. I hope you can forgive me because I don’t want to be alone and I don’t want you to push me away. I want to stay and I'll sleep on the floor if I need to. I just want you to forgive me.” Whenever he felt like the world was against him his face would direct toward the ground in the shame that took a hold of him all at once. He did experience the guilt as always, and it showed by the way his hand clenched onto the back of Soyoung’s shirt as if he was afraid that one slip of the finger would cause him to slip away.

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There were multiple matters jarring through his brain to cause him to walk on auto, legs bringing him where he needed to go without him telling them to. He finally released the roots of his hair as his eyes watched nothing in particular as the moving of the walls beside him seemed a blur in his peripheral vision because all his mind could process was a strange titanic mush polluting his thoughts. He wished he could just sit Yeongsu down and tell him everything he wanted to, but wouldn't that just bring the male to that threatening standing position once more? Maybe he would prove himself to not be the admirable person everyone believed he was when his knuckles would collide with Soyoung's cheekbones. It was the same with Eunhae, was it not? Not a soul in the world, except for the ones the male kept on a tight leash, would ever fathom the idea that Eunhae was less than decent. It'd be just the same because they are all the same and Soyoung knew that all it takes is his big mouth to catalyze the thing that would bring him to discover something about that person that they kept so well hidden. It was what happened with Eunhae years ago, it was what happened with Hunsoo weeks ago, and who knew if it would happen with Yeongsu. Soyoung no longer felt safe around Yeongsu. After all, Yeongsu only verbally fought with Hunsoo because he was another alpha male poaching on his territory, messing with what Yeongsu considered to be his. It wasn't for Soyoung. It was for Key, Jinhwa, and the rest of the group. Soyoung was excluded.

So after all Soyoung couldn't hold back from saying, what were the chances he'd remain after these new eliminations? It was all so filthily false. The contracts he signed months ago that promised him a job proved to be s**t now because they were no good in the first place when part of the deal was that you can't quit when you want but you can definitely be fired when someone saw fit. He didn't have a home in South Korea anymore...He had to give up his room at the apartments because he couldn't afford to pay for a place he wasn't actually living in. What if someone took his place? Would another be open? Would Ms. Gonwae even let him go back?

'I'll be homeless.'

The realization paused him in his tracks as bug eyes stared down at the biege carpet. Seoul was a big place filled with people fighting for a place to stay. Newlyweds, college students, evictees, entrepreneurs, immigrants....kids that were kicked out of their own family household... Maybe Soyoung's case was stranger than most, but he was only purely lucky that Ms. Gonwae's apartments had a couple move out out of the blue when Soyoung needed a place the most. The kindhearted lady was sweet enough to let a 16 year old in need take an apartment, but would she actually let him back when he could barely ever pay his monthly bill?

Soyoung's weight canted to the side, his shoulder impacting against the wall as he used it as a means not the fall completely over, sliding down to the floor. 'Would she get mad if I slept in the lobby until I found somewhere to live?' His heart was beginning to pound as his fingers clawed slightly into that oddly cold carpet. The thought of sleeping somewhere so unsafe, so open, so unpromising. It would be better than the streets, right? It'd be better than a park bench. But he realized he was doing it again: being pessimistic. He had to think optimistically. He had to believe his words earlier were something he'd accomplish: He'd be past level 1 days in advance. Until he remembered his unlikeliness to pass when two of the judges hated him so very potently. It was far too difficult to be optimistic when it almost seemed like being optimistic rendered him to have the level of stupidity that Yeongsu, Hunsoo, and Eunhae claimed him to have.

Regardless, he had to fight it. He owed that much to the girl whose smile he hadn't seen in so long. Whose smile he believed he personally ruined. Maybe he could bring it back if he stood, rested, and started the next day with an early rise to venture to the studio and begin his learning process on his own. However creakily, however slowly, he did stand and he did begin walking forward again. He didn't know for sure how long he had been walking for before a hand reached and grabbed at the back collar of his oversized shirt. The unexpected action brought out a frightened gasp but he laxed when he heard none other than Jinhwa's apologetic voice. He didn't know why Jin didn't want to look at him and held onto his clothing like he was a puppy trying to escape, but he listened to the wrongly accused words and figured he couldn't have expected Jin to think any differently than he did. How the plea for forgiveness scorched at Soyoung's chest, singeing the wings of the butterflies that live there. "Forgive you?" he asked, not yet turning around to face the male. "But I'm the one who should be asking for your forgiveness. Jinhwa..."

He turned around, causing Jin to release his hold, and showed the taller male a look of distress. "I-I didn't know I was the reason you and Jun are fighting. I promise I didn't know. I-I just thought he was always like that with you because he's like that with everyone. I had no idea that everything was perfect before I stepped in." But that's how it always is, so how could he have thought any different? His throat knotted but like always, he refused any tear to appear. "Jinhwa...Yeongsu and I fought because Yeongsu hates me. It had nothing to do with you and I'm so glad we did go to him right when we did because now you'll be taken care of sooner than later and that's important to me." But he remembered the words spoken only moments ago: 'I don’t want you to push me away...' For some reason, Jinhwa wasn't angry that Soyoung caused him his recent torment and Soyoung couldn't begin to understand. If everyone hated him for the problems he caused them, then why would Jinhwa, like Rae, be one to still want his company?

But he was so glad. So glad because who knew how much longer he had Jinhwa's protection around him. Who knows how long he'd have that hand reaching out for his. "I'd never make you sleep on the floor," he said with a renewed breath, voice calmer. "Plus it's bad for your shoulder, I'm sure of it. Come on...Lets go get some sleep." And with a directional flick of his hand and little smile on his lips, he lead the way to their staying room.


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                                    The artic is a cold and desolate place, teeming with an otherworldly silence Jin partaken in for what seemed like an eternity. Kissing lightly at his cheek, its bone-chilling winds plucked the hairs from beneath his skin as it stood on end, waiting for a storm to bury him under the unrepentant qualms that life brought with it. For all it was worth, he’d make the effort to understand what was going on around him and put in his everything to prevent whatever consequences that drew near. But in the end of it all, it was like he wasn’t even there. He knew far to well what was going on whenever the air thickened and anger rallied Jun’s nerves into a dormant fit ready and willing to explode without warning. Because, whether he liked it or not, it’ll just happen and Jin would stand in the middle of it all as his mind focused solely upon the most insignificant thoughts that didn’t really matter, didn’t really pertain to the situation at had nor was it ever helpful in any way shape or form. He didn’t want to hear them, didn’t want his heart anchoring down with a heavy burden his entire being couldn’t withstand. Jin wasn’t strong enough, not mentally capable enough to confront the only person that claimed an everlasting unity where hands entwined and Jun promised he‘d never let him go. So he’d ignore the verbal confrontation because so long as he couldn’t hear the screams, the profanity or the curses that ran passed him, the chances of standing before his past would cease to exist when he’d find himself in the remote realms of the artic where isolation remained instead.

                                    He hated and absolutely despised being alone.

                                    The possibility of it occurring scared him and only ever placed Jin under the spotlight when tears stung his eyes. As clear as a cloudless day, his auburn hues literally became the looking glass to his soul. Everyone knew how he felt, was completely aware what abandonment really meant to him, while they could only ascertain the outcomes to be nothing short of a flourishing display of pity donning the eyes of those that he cared less about. People would keep their distance, stay as far away from the sanctioned vibes surmised with what others claimed to have been an intentionally act that sought for the loneliness he brought upon himself. So led to only one question: why cater to a man who couldn’t, wouldn’t and possible didn’t want to cure the self-loathing that tainted his mind with pessimistic thoughts?

                                    He was straddling the lines between wanting to be alone and desperately desiring someone there beside him because, from what he learned, communication was essential, communication was inevitable, communication made the world go round and his words needed to be heard. However, the distraught and violent atmosphere Jun created nowadays were driving him closer and closer to the edge where choosing a desolated path threw him down the most quiet, discontented abyss he could find. What he wanted and what he yearned for were all strewed about in a vacuum with nowhere else to go. They’d remain in a cycle, spinning and twirling in a continuous circle that mangled in complete and utter obscurity.

                                    There was no one to blame but himself. How many times did the have to repeat such a fact until Soyoung and everyone else around him finally realized Jin was as troublesome as a storm, as bothersome as a fly, and as irksome as any fowl beast with dishonorable intensions. As he watched Soyoung take that first step toward his room, the decisions began paving the roads between a destination consumed in isolation, and a winding path filled with uncertainty. Because to take Soyoung’s hand meant accepting another into his life and doing all he could to keep him there, so long as the dancer willingly allowed him the comforts of his smile, his touch, and his words that were filled with a kindness he only ever experienced with Yeongsu and Kazuma. But unlike the two he entrusted his soul to, Soyoung was always the one who looked out for him, chased after him and brushed away the anger and frustrations people harbored whenever his brute actions strayed off course. So with the thought in mind, he asked himself: why let go of a good thing?

                                    Or at least what seemed like a good thing.

                                    A final decision embodied within a soft, comforting caress that initiated with fingers that wove and tangled at the palm of their hands. He followed each stride Soyoung took, his head bent down as usual, his mind wondering like always; but as soon as they laid beside each other and the atmosphere cooled in abrupt tranquility, Jin couldn’t help but to watch with rapt attention how Soyoung’s eyes would stare into his for a brief moment. They were dwindling minutes, fleeting seconds, and meaningful, nearly definable interpretations of what their friendship was bound to lead to in the near future. It was comforting to think about someone being there for him when his body shuddered in fear of desolation, isolation and a remote destination that deemed him incapable of smiling and laughing as the world freely portrayed. If friendship was anything like tonight, he’d want to see it through to the very end, hoping that no matter what came their way, forever was all that remained.

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                                    Whether the world quickened or deliberately dawdled on by was of no concern to him.

                                    When his heart raced and his mind slowly invested in the doubts and trivial assumptions that fed off of his soul, there was no room for observing the obvious or all that moved around him. He could only think about Jun, twiddle his thumb and psych himself out over what the other might be up to, who he was with, what he was doing, why he wasn’t calling him back and if he’d ever talk to him again.

                                    He felt alone near the counter where nurses and staff scurried from one place to another, voices carrying lightly over the busy atmosphere as fingers sifted and sorted through documents that allowed his anxiety to simmer. That morning, he had asked Soyoung to accompany him to the clinic where the dancer now waited off at a good distance, while the receptionist checked him in. “Jinhwa-san, I’ll need you to sign these documents for me. Once that’s all done your test will be administered shortly.” He gave a confirming nod and a small smile that went along with it, his nerves clearly set in brows that quivered ever so slightly. “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.” She smiled sweetly as any women of her age and optimism would. A young and vibrant individual she was, and yet she knew nothing about the mishap Jin put himself in for her to tell him everything would be alright. Bitterly enough, he doubted her words, but allowed another understandable nod to surface before turning to retreat back to where comforting gestures of reassurance resided. Soyoung sat somewhere in the large and spacious waiting room heavy in a sickly atmosphere conjured up from one person to the next. Coughs were heard, ailing groans softly muffled behind tissues and the nasal complications of those around him made his joint stiffen in discomfort.

                                    His gaze carried over to the many faces hidden behind white masks suppressing and quieting the coughs that made him flinch in the slightest. At first, Jin was so caught up with the conditions of those around him, he had unexpectedly bumped shoulders with a stranger whose features were also concealed but in a decorative manner. The understanding to let each other past was an unconscious thought that was expected to happen in mere seconds, rather than the minutes that followed when the man refused to let him through. Jin wasn’t so much taken aback as he was confused when eyes smiled and arms took him into a quick embrace garnished with a few pats on the back. “What’r the odds, eh?” The over enthusiastic greeting sent Jin’s eyes widening by a significant fraction.

                                    A shared look of surprise was had, but the meaning behind such a reaction differentiated between two strangers that weren’t supposed to see each other ever again. How to react or what he was supposed to do when the removal of his mask revealed none other than J, the man partially responsible for his hospital visit, was far from his mind. In short, Jin was absolutely, positively and completely struck with insecurity. “So what brings you here? If I knew I'd be seeing you I would’ve brought the congratulatory present I got you. Y’know,” he urged a incomprehensible understanding with a small pause. “For that lil debut at the mall. It was good.” How J could smile after knowing what he had done, dulled Jin’s insides and left him on the verge of strangling the collar of his shirt. But he felt empty, confused, practically veered off track because a part of him still wanted to trust J, while the other side inflicted with those incurable wounds reversed his steps a good feet away from the man that sent his mind reeling back to a past he tried so hard to understand.

                                    His vacant stare set off to the side, the clipboard in his hands a reminder of the reason why he was here. “Would you hurt me?” The smile that strongly tugged at the corner of J’s lips faded in a confusion that seemed so true by nature and yet, Jin always had his doubts. People were great impersonators when they wanted to be, as emotions were bound to manage themselves with a number of masks that were as convincing as ever. “Of course not.”

                                    “How would I know that?” he questioned flatly, eyes never leaving the other‘s gaze. “You could be lying.”

                                    J sighed, his hands perched upon his waist as he lazily tilted his head back as if to clear his thoughts. “C’mon Jin. s**t happened in the past but I still consider you as a friend. You know how rare that is…me…really accepting anyone as a ‘friend’. Besides,” he let out a small chuckle. “I know how much you hate being lied to. I learned my lesson years ago and I’d be stupid to make the same mistake again.” What was he talking about? It didn’t make sense how he could be so easygoing in regards to a past Jin new absolutely nothing about. Curiosity was taunting him from the inside out, lacerating against soft tissues that clenched at the thought of entrusting another with the confusion that left him sulking into oblivion.

                                    At that second, his health became the least of his concerns when the answers to all his questions was right there in front of him. Although, he had to wonder if it was right. After all, it was only just a few hours ago when tears came and a mixture of misconstrued emotions scrambled his heart into a unruly mess, taking a toll on those that trusted him to make the right decision from there on out. Because what if he made another mistake once again? What if he decided on the selfish way out and disregarded the consequences that brought him through the door of the clinic he currently stood in?

                                    What if his decisions would mean losing a relationship along the way, just as he thought he lost Jun?

                                    Soyoung came into his peripheral view and once the inquires invaded his entire being, the long, indefinable stare latched onto the frail being J had turned to glance upon. “A friend of yours?” Why answer him when the reply wasn’t of his concern? Jin’s enclosed, elliptical eyes shot back at the inquirer who casually met his gaze, as J’s smile still was left along the glowing plains of his face in an effort to alleviate whatever tension brewed between them. “You still have questions.” It was a statement that successfully peaked Jin’s interest and debilitated his sense of awareness all at the same time.

                                    J took that chance to snatch the clip board right out of his hands, his smile broadening as he did so while glancing over the questionnaire that was standard protocol for an STD test. “Wow. Now, I’m offended. You thought I would do that to you?” Any person deemed ‘normal’ in the circumstances they were in would’ve wiped the grin right off of his face, but of course, J did that of the opposite, as the back of his hand playfully smacked into Jin’s broad chest. He laughed it up, taking the form as a joke more than anything else.

                                    “You don’t need this. I’m going to save you some time now and tell you you’re clean.” Precariously enough, the clipboard dangled loosely in his grasp, its content swinging about at eyelevel. “Which means I’m clean right?” Was he supposed to answer that question? “Y’know, it’s been a long time since I saw you so I wasn’t entirely sure how you worked. Not that I cared, but hey, I might as well know if I caught something, right? This is like a routine for me….a religious custom if you will.” J roamed his eyes over the undisclosed expression that only ever showed a sternness he wasn’t quite use to just yet.

                                    He was so familiar with a smiling and flippant Jinhwa that it was almost unnatural to see him in the serious state that averted J’s eyes and dragged his attention to the backpack that slung over his shoulder. “Anyways, you want to know more ‘bout your past right? So I got something for you,” he announced once he discarded the unnecessary papers on an empty seat and began rummaging through his bag. “But before I give it to you, it would be great if I could steal an hour of your time.” And that’s when the searched stopped midway with his focus honing in upon the man that hesitated to reply. “It’s really boring as s**t here. My favorite bars are closed, the people here have sticks shoved right up their asses and I’m pretty lazy to search for a good time. So I thought, hey, since I bumped into a familiar face, I might as well take advantage of it, right? So whatta’ you say?”

                                    What did he say?

                                    Jin couldn’t say anything, let alone give him an answer to the invitation because somehow, he knew it reeked of nothing but trouble. After all that happened, it was the natural mindset everyone implanted within him as hesitation came by the truck loads. It wasn’t right because while Yeongsu, Jun, Kazuma and Ryo busied themselves in salvaging new songs for their album early in the morning, Jin only ever found himself walking into the deepest realms of regret ever known to mankind. He couldn’t do it, but at the same time he saw no harm in using the hour he would’ve spent on tests to retrieve a piece of his past.

                                    Because after all, J confidently said he was clean and seeing that he only ever wanted to take the easier way out, Jin believed him.


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The nightmares stayed away and somewhat of a peaceful sleep was had for the boy who needed as much rest as possible for the day to come, although waking was not so much fun. But when asked if he'd accompany Jinhwa to the hospital, the thought of declining didn't even so much as enter Soyoung's mind as an option before spouting, "Yes of course." He knew Jinhwa must have been feeling the weight of the world on the way there, wishing he could hop out of the cab and escape what he was afraid of, which was why Soyoung attempted at keeping light conversation going, though he did most of the talking as awkward as it may have been. He couldn't let his own worries and concerns get in the way when Jinhwa was facing his own fears with more to come going by the name of Jun.

Upon arriving, Soyoung sat down amongst the waiting patients as Jinhwa went to take care of business and with the prodding worry of possibly going home in a week, Soyoung knew he should contact Hiromasa-San as soon as possible to get his interview in before he was sent back to Korea. Who knew if he could set him up with a line of jobs in Seoul to get things started. If he had jobs to present to Gonwae-Ahjumma, then maybe she'd try to give him a place to stay if a single apartment was available. Maybe she could set him up with someone who needed a roommate? He kept hopefully creating options for himself in his head as he pulled out Hiromasa's business card and dialed the number printed upon it. The conversation was quick and to the point, Hiromasa expressing to Soyoung that he's pleased to get a callback from him and so soon. But what Soyoung didn't expect at all was that the agent would hope to have Soyoung meet with him that day. Of course the sooner the better and so he accepted, hoping that his meeting would not inconvenience Jinhwa in any way if he needed him.

He hung up with a feeling of nervousness, considering that he's never attended such a businesslike interview and wondered if maybe he could ask Jinhwa for advice on how to present himself and what to say. He looked up to see that it seemed as if Jin was on his way back over until he was stopped by a dark haired male whose profile Soyoung couldn't recognize. But by the look on Jin's face, it was someone he didn't want to see. It wasn't until he saw the bottom of a dark tattoo reaching out frmo under the male's sleeve that he figured out who it was: the smoker guy. Of all people in the world, why would Jin run into him now and here? The way Jin looked at Soyoung for a moment only worsened the apprehension in the pit of Soyoung's stomach and he couldn't help but to wonder if Jin needed his help in some way. The smoker guy was digging for something in his bag and Soyoung didn't know what was going on in the least but he couldn't ignore the growing feeling that maybe Jin needed him to accompany him for a moment.

Soyoung stuffed the card back into his wallet that disappeared into his pocket as he stood to uncomfortably walk over, reaching out for the clipboard the smoker guy so rudely placed to the side, and holding it in his own grasp as he stood next to Jin. He could understand why the smoker guy would be offended, but in a situation like that Soyoung frankly didn't care. He looked up at the two with a neutral expression, hiding his irritation rather well as he let his eyes stay upon the male whose hand lingered in his backpack. "I hope you understand it's nothing personal. Just precaution," he claimed in a conversational tone of voice before slipping the clipboard back into Jin's hands. It was a situation where he wasn't concerned if the male's feelings were hurt because Soyoung had seen for his own self the way the smoker's actions hurt Jinhwa and filled him with a regret he was having a difficult time coping with. If the smoker was selfish enough to use his knowledge of Jin in a way to get what he wanted, then Soyoung felt no apprehension about what he said in all politeness. When someone he cared about was in need, he was braver than usual.

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Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all. Gripping at the skin, latching onto the thrumming beats of the heart and swarming through his body as it made its mark, hope consumed him, controlled him, and swayed him into such unthinkable things; for it was the most tangible sensation winding each thread of fate through limbs that stalled, fingers that shook, arms that hesitated and a mind that couldn’t discover a solution to all his problems. Conjoined by faith and twisted by fate, Jin’s willingness to listen and stay standing before the man who claimed to have not hurt him so was, what he liked to call, a difficulty he couldn’t come to withstand. The jolts of fear and distorted trepidation crashed and reseeded into a contingent stroke of bad luck waiting for the chance to darkened the light hope had wrapped its fragile limbs around. A protective consumption of the soul it really was as such a bright illumination cradled him into the gestures that allowed J to look over features that made no effort to lighten in the slightest.

Right there and then, Jin thought his heart was on the verge of plunging down to the great abyss in which he belonged to, that was until Soyoung made his presence known as he placed the clipboard back into Jin’s hand, causing a wind of relief breezed passed him. But the exchange didn’t stop there when Jin caught his gaze and took Soyoung’s hand in an attempt to capture his fears at the tip of fingers that brushed onto Soyoung’s own.

So very strange it was…

J could have interpreted the scene in one of many ways, but decided to refrain from doing so because not only would that be a waste of time, but he knew it would also be a snore-fest ready to happen. So what was there to do when a stern expression came his way? Smile like there was no tomorrow of course. “Nah, it’s cool. I’ll take it as a compliment instead.” Because how else was he supposed to take it when the little dude implied he was getting a lot of action, when in truth, recent activities were becoming a buzz-kill to his one true joy: sex. “But I have to say, you’re wasting your time.” He tried to sound quite affable about it, presenting that little charm with a grin and eyes that seem to curve in a mirrored reflection of his smile. “I mean, I know where you’re coming from. Why trust a good-looking guy like me, right?” As if his looks had anything to do with it. But he could admit, J was really having his fun with this one despite the lack of an introduction between them. “J, by the way. You can call me J since we’ll be kickin’ it around town for a while. Right, Jin.”

The spotlight heated his skin. He really didn’t want to say anything or agree to something Soyoung might be completely against and because of that, he squeezed the younger’s hand and tossed his gaze off to the side yet again. “Trust issues, trust issues, trust issues.” They came out light, almost as if he tutted each word purposely to buy him some time to think. “Okay, I’ll easily solve this,” he confidently said as he looked toward the nurses station where one had caught his eye. “Nobuko-Chan, can you tell them when my last test was.” The young, blushing blond fumbled with her key strokes, but soon found herself tapping away as if to ignore J’s request, only finding it hard to do so when he kept calling out her name. “I’m sorry JongJin-san but I can’t-”

“Oh sure you can,” he said from across the room. “You’re such a master at giving info with that pretty voice of yours. So please, can you tell them Nobuko-chan.” The woman sighed, biting her bottom lip as her attentive gaze plastered upon the screen in front of her. “Now, what test would that be.” J smiled. “The HIV one, the STD one, the one for AIDs. All those test I take every week or so.” Just to get thing done and over with, the woman restrained from commenting upon his openness to a rather uncomfortable subject and began searching through files. “Come here so I can privately disclose the inform-”

“It’s all good. You can tell me so they can hear.” Nobuko sighed heavily. “3 days ago, you tested negative. Is that all?”

“Yes, it’s all. Thank you so much Nobuko-chan.” Smiles all around. He didn’t care what other’s thought about him because what was the use in worrying about it when opinions meant s**t to him. So with that all out of the way, J looked toward the two in front of him and snagged the clipboard right out of Jin’s hand. “I swear, I sadly didn’t get any action after that so it’s like a done deal.” He tossed the insignificant papers aside for what he hope was the last time that morning, as his sharp, yet welcoming eyes loomed over the male who was insistent on the test. Nothing was said for a short while, and J took that chance to scoop out his breakfast from his bag, chomping down on an apple he most likely wasn‘t going to offer to anyone. “So, Jin wants to hang out. Y’know, catch up and stuff. You can come if you want. Doesn’t really matter to me.”

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The male's reaction to Soyoung's attempt at a polite exchange of words was relieving, to say the least, considering that he had far too much of Yeongsu and Jun's kind to deal with on a daily basis. But an onslaught of conceit slapped the boy in the face, causing his brow to raise as he stifled the attempt to speak aloud his thought: 'Are you serious?' Who in the world actually says "a good-looking guy like me"? Because he only heard such things said by comical romantic antagonists in shows and movies. But he had to let his mind push the comment to the side because in all actuality, the male's conceit was not of any importance. Not when Jin's fingers lightly squeezed at Soyoung's own in a worry he wouldn't verbally express to clear things up for the partly confused lad who was oddly stuck in the middle of all of it. But there the conceit went again on full blast, causing a girl to blush worse than Soyoung would in a situation like that as he finally worked his word-magic and got out of her what they all apparently needed to hear. Soyoung found no reason to believe a hospital worker would lie, and so he heard a strange imaginary noise in his head...

Bik...bik...bik...

It was none other than the curious little clickings of the figmental "like" meter in his brain. The meter that set Yeongsu and Jun so low to the bottom of it and people like Rae, Kibum, and Jin high at the top. The fact that J did not put Jin at risk and cared enough about his health to get regularly tested was enough to make Soyoung not find him quite as despicable and before. But it still stood that J took advantage of Jin in the most abhorred way and so J's tab still hovered quite low on the meter. The male spoke again and Soyoung could only gather that he spoke in fabrication of the truth as far as Jin wanting to "hang out" when Soyoung considered the uncomfortable aura Jin had about him. So he turned to look at the dour guitarist. "Is that true? You wanted to hang out with him to catch up?" And by 'catch up', Soyoung could only assume that Jin was hoping to get more information from the only person who seemed willing to share what he knew about Jin's past. As reluctant as it was, Jin did indeed nod. "...And did you want me to come along?" Jin nodded once again, giving Soyoung a sickened feeling in his stomach. Because frankly, the boy didn't feel like hanging around too people who he knew slept together a couple nights ago and for the grotesque reason when J could have been so kind to help Jin out from the kindness of his heart. But it was as evident as ever that J was promiscuous and even though Soyoung could tell he was probably so sex-driven that the ordeal wasn't supposed to be so hurtful to Jin, Soyoung still couldn't stand the sight of the male who (in Soyoung's opinion) thought he was better looking than he actually was.

Soyoung sighed in his failed attempt at hiding his reluctance because how could he when he was going to have to spend time around someone who didn't seem to feel the tiniest amount of remorse, guilt, or even a second thought for what he did. But he turned to look at Jin with once again a neutral expression because he didn't feel like being a fake and smiling. "Alright. But I have a meeting with Hiromasa-San in a couple of hours." He was only being outright and honest. "I'm Soyoung, by the way."

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There was a sigh that escaped from lips that formed a thin, imperceptible line when confirmations stiffened his neck and he was more than reluctant to push himself off a cliff Jun, or anyone else for that matter, wasn’t prepared to save him from. He had his doubts - had his many inquiries because really, who was to say J’s intentions weren’t stooping down to the ranges of netherworld Jin might as well have willingly threw himself into the moment his curiosity controlled his every whim. But, by the looks of it, it seemed as if Soyoung didn’t see J as much of a threat than he initially thought by the way names were given and an agreement was shared. That sight alone was all it took for Jin to ease up just a tad bit because he trusted Soyoung to make the right decisions, just as he entrusted his career and his life to Jungbae.

“Soyoung.” J tested out each syllable at the tip of his tongue, slurring it a bit as he shifted his wondering gaze toward the ceiling in thought. It was really not much to go by, not much to fully interpret his character no matter how many times he tried to utter his name, because as the saying goes: what’s in a name when meanings were suppressed in doubt and familiarity hung in the air. “Hiromasa?” He finally said in mild interest, changing the topic a bit. “ Ah, so you’ll be the new face of CT Inc…interesting.”

“CT Inc.?” When something sounded as if it lingered like a phantom that waited to hit him with a reminder he wasn’t interested in, nor had the heart to remember, questions tend to blurt out without his consent. J began leading the way out of the facility, his boots trudging heavily along the asphalt that led to a destination he wasn’t entirely sure of. Not that it mattered because what he heard next groped at all the worries and concerns packed into one nervous breakdown of assumption he couldn’t sort out. “Modeling agency.” He bluntly informed as he paused to take another bite out of his apple. “Y’know, the whole deal with taking pictures, modeling clothes, doing small commercials and s**t like that. It’s really a pain in the a**.” Because he should know better than anyone else how much a ‘pain in the a**’ those demanding companies could really be, seeing that he was in the biz for a long while now.

A man had to make his money somewhere right?

“It’s good pay, but like I said, it‘s a pain in the a** ‘cuz it takes a whole chunk of your time. Waking up early, going from one location to the next, staying awake when cordi-noonas starts applying your makeup.” He chuckled a bit at the thought. “Don’t get me wrong tho‘. It’s fun as hell when you’re with the right people. So, I hope you can loosen up a bit Soyoung.” A small grin tossed casually over his shoulder, his attention taking no time to revert back to the streets in front of him. “Who knows, maybe we’ll get a gig together in Korea.” Models were limited after all in the district of Seoul, so it was highly likely they’ll see each other again. Or at least, that’s what he thought. “So when are you going back home?”

Going back home? Soyoung was going back? Did the company require him to go back to South Korea? “You’re leaving?” His hand slipped out of Soyoung’s grasp just then, the boy stopping in place as it forced J to do the same.

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Soyoung didn't understand why if a conversation had to ensue that it had to have anything at all to do with him. But J went on and on about the job Soyoung was more than reluctant to take and more than unconfident to perform in, he only went on to describe it in a way that made Soyoung that much less optimistic in going to see that agent that day. So why would he care that "it’s fun as hell when you’re with the right people?" But even more annoyingly, why would J have a single reason in the world to hope they have a gig together? Soyoung knew it: J was just trying to butter him up. To make him another one of the many people who must likely clung to his coattails with a wide smile, ready to any whim he needed them to be used for. But all thoughts of annoyance were plunged to the back of his mind when Jinhwa stopped all of their steps and asked a question that shocked Soyoung far more than anything J had yet said.

Bugged eyes looked back as he tried to gather his thoughts. "W-wuh?" was the best he could come up with at first. "Hyung...you know that in a week, I could very well be sent back to Seoul. I-It's not that I want to go and I'm going to fight as hard as I can to keep my position here with you all as one of Al[tria]'s dancers...S-So I'm really hoping to stay. In fact, after my meeting with Hiromasa-San, I plan on getting straight to learning my challenge." He couldn't believe the feeling of panic within him. Why did Jin ask that so abruptly and why did Soyoung feel the devout need to spout out his answer as quickly as possible? "I think what Jongjin-sunbae, if he doesn't mind me calling him such," he mentioned with a quick glance at J before returning it to Jinhwa, ", was talking about was how...ya know...Don't models get odd jobs around different places? I think he was just asking if I planned on flying over there for one any time soon." And so he turned to look at J, hoping that if he answered his question, J would simply change subjects. "So far, I have no planned 'gigs'. Hiromasa-san said he wanted me to meet with him so we could discuss contracts and then to create a starter portfolio for him to use when he sends off to pending gigs looking for my 'body type and image', as he put it. So no...If I'm not eliminated from Al[tria], I have no plans of going back to Korea unless given one of those 'odd jobs' that wouldn't interfere with my priority as a dancer for the group." Was that enough? Would Jongjin leave the subject alone? Jinhwa was seemingly in an odd mood that Soyoung didn't know how to interpret nor how to handle, since he didn't know the reason for his concern if Soyoung was "leaving".

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A craterous mountain laid ahead of him with every stringent terrine calling, wailing, and most likely expecting to bring about his impeding doom. The obstacle portrayed a menacing mass that provided a reminder of all the possibilities Jin had no control over, despite how much he tried to think otherwise. There was no use in hoping anymore, no use in dialing toward the optimism he welcomed into his heart when the inevitable boldly made itself known. Jin found no comfort in Soyoung’s words, doubted there was ever a chance to keep things the way they already were because the truth of the matter was, Jun was still upset, he refused to teach Soyoung all he needed to know, and when it came down to the question of who was to blame, the accusing fingers pointed upon Jin and Jin alone.

J scratched at the back of his head as one corner of his lip pulled up in slight discomfort, but never failing to let out yet another series of chuckles that worked in breaking the awkward silence. “Jin you worry to much.” What was up with his morning anyways? J was banking on having some fun with the old Jin as the old times rolled on by the way they were supposed to be. However, it took a turn for the worse and J seemed to have no choice but to take it upon himself to stroll along Soyoung’s side and fix this mishap once and for all. “It’s funny because it’s like long ago when you use to comment on every little thing that seemed wrong.” With not much thought put into it, J wrapped a friendly arm over Soyoung’s shoulder as he kept his perky smile perched upon his lips all the while. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about, but I’m sure Yoh, if he doesn’t mind me calling him such,” he said with eyes appointed upon the subject at hand, humorously taking the words right out of the other’s mouth. “Will succeed if it involves dancing. Because if it’s anything like the small solo he did at your performance, then you don’t have anything to worry about. Right?” After a few attempts, J was able to salvage a small nod from the morose figure who kept his eyes situated elsewhere.

It was more than anyone could ask for, since Jin was apparently so much more different than he had thought. “Anyways, I need to loosen you guys up a bit because to tell you the truth, you’re really bringing me down. I have a few days in Japan and I want to make the most of it with an old friend. So the bars around the corner.” As far as he knew, Jin was able to get into the place without a hitch, but as for the little dude his arm slung loosely on, there was no way in telling how old he really was.

Looks are always deceiving after all, especially for an Asian.

“You’re of age, right?” Wait, why the hell was he asking that question? “Well, it doesn’t matter. we can go around the back. A friend of mine should let us in with no questions ask.”

“But you said you were going to give me something.” The less time with J the better. If he could bypass the nonessentials then maybe he wouldn’t feel so guilty for practically forcing Soyoung along, when he could be preparing for the challenge he spoke of. “Yeah. It’s at the bar. I use to live there, up in one of the rooms they had a long time ago. So, we can get some drinks and we can talk.” It was as easy as that. J gave Soyoung a little shake of his shoulders as if trying to bring forth the optimism he knew the boy was well equipped with. But for some reason, he was still as stiff as ever.

It’s was just J’s luck to experience the most coldest company he had ever invited along with him since he could remember.

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Jongjin had little to no knowledge of what made Jin react that way, though he smiled and carried on as his personality made it evident he would. But what Soyoung did not think was evident was the fact that Jongjin was so comfortable with putting his arm around Soyoung's shoulders. It was like Soyoung became a cat as it arched its back into a perfect semi-circle and all the hairs stood on end. Only for Soyoung, it was an image of shoulders tensing as they rose a good inch, sternomastoids flexing like ropes being lifted under a net, nose scrunching ever so slightly. He didn't like it at all and he had to wonder if such a sensation was the same he put Yeongsu through the night before when he so boldly hugged him. Well, karma sure was getting him back because the weight of Jongjin's long arm upon him made him want to do nothing more than to shimmy out of it. But to refrain from being rude, he stayed put in his cat-like, statue-like pose with brows drastically knitting at the sound of a nickname that seemed so out of place, so nonsensical, and so unbefitting of him that he couldn't fathom what would bring Jongjin to call him such. He already had nicknames he had a difficult time dealing with like Soyo or Soh but he only allowed them to be used because he liked and trusted the people that referred to him as such. Althought he had to admit that "SoSwag" was not something he'd ever accept, even if it was Kibum calling him such.

Of course someone like Jongjin would want to go to a bar! Soyoung should have guessed it!

Puk...puk...

The sound of Jongjing's tab on his "like" meter lowering upon the notches echoed within his ear. The brash, taller male was lucky his didn't shake his tab further down with the way he tried to friendishly sway Soyoung from side to side. The movement brought a waft of the smell of putrid cigarettes to Soyoung's aggravatedly flared nostrils and he let out a teeny, tiny cough. "I'm of age," he stiffly assured. "But I hope you don't deem me rude not to drink. I think it'd be wise not to partake in alcohol, no matter how little, before a business meeting." He had to make it clear since in the Korean culture it was considered of the utmost rude manners to decline a drink offered to you, so he hoped to save Jongjin the offense. "And why in the world would you call me Yoh? It makes no sense with my name. Jongjin is your actual name. Yoh is a syllable in the middle of my name..." He wiggled out from under Jongjin's arm to stand next to Jinhwa as if ready to head to this bar he was going to be dragged to. "Soyoung is fine to refer to me as."

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Damn the hysterics were really firing his funny bone the very second Yoh ‘freaked the ******** out’.

It was like the explanation came out of nowhere because neither J nor Jin expected the reaction that relinquished the ’budding’ gesture that dropped J’s arm back in place. The rejected limb hung at his side and surely, he felt hurt, devastated and completely tormented by the fact that Yoh refused the name he gave him.

Well…not quite.

“Really? You’re going to get uptight like that over a name? Seriously?” From the ever so friendly smile, came a wickedly stern look of displeasure that dropped the corners of his lips faster than deemed humanely possible. J stood in strict formation, his broad shoulders squared and his back properly aligned in an unfriendly manner that clearly, and most evidently, showed how disturbed he really was. “Why are you friends with him Jin?” And with that it took him mere seconds to switch gears and a fraction of a moment to quickly demolish the solemn façade along with it as J laughed it up out of nowhere. There was a fine line between joking around and getting serious, but to the ever so playful J, those lines blurred when the morning brought about the energy he needed to enjoy life.

Because apparently, playing with other people’s heads just seemed so entertaining to him.

From there, J’s smile recovered and much to Jin’s relief, his pleasant persona buried the solemnity six feet under when he lightly patted Soyoung on the shoulder. “You’re friends with him cuz he has a sense of humor, right?” Laughing was a habit of his because without it, life seemed so dull. He knew when to control it, knew too well when it got on people’s nerves, but in this situation where Soyoung ’funnily’ had a stick up his a**, his objectives really was just to be easygoing to flick at his last strand of patience…if there was any. “And here I thought I was going to get bored out of my mind. Yoh, anyone tell you’re the life of the party.” His little trills of laughter began to lead the way with one stride after another, expecting the two to follow when twist and turns were made through the back alley he spoke of seconds ago. His said friend was standing there as expected, and after a few minutes or so of chatting it up, they were permitted to go in, free of charge. “Jin, you drinkin‘? You know I can’t drink alone.”

Bold statement when Jin knew nothing about the man who led them down a corridor and into a private room where an assortment of drinks and snacks were already set up for them. J was the first to fall back on the long leather couch, his feet propped on the table as if he owned the place. “Maya! Hey, Maya, sweetie. I know you can hear me.” A waitress, well-endowed from head to toe, showed up within the second it took J to pop a cap from the bottle of his favorite beer. “What do you want? Are you freeloading again? I hope you’re going to pay for that.” J laughed, putting on a show of a wounded puppy puffing out his lower-lip with his eyes rounding in sorrow. “That hurts. You know I pay for my stuff.”

“Says the unpaid 7,674 yen bill you left last time you were here.” J twiddled his fingers unnervingly at the back of his head, sheepishly grinning from ear to ear. “I was drunk. Can you blame me for forgetting. I’m sorry Maya-chan,” he apologized with his infamous pout. “I’ll pay it once I leave, I promise.”

“Really?”

No…

Of course I will. Anything you wish, but can you please help me out and bring me that book I left here.” Longingly he smiled, his toothy grin slowly chiseling the stones of anger that soon crumbled away as she went about retrieving his things. “So make yourselves at home and Jin,” they shared a look Jin was incapable of interpreting, even when the pause lingered on. “Ask me anything. I’m here to help you while I can.”

Jin took no time in taking the offer, his mind instantly sifting through the many questions that pained him so, and yet the only thing he mention was a concern he had throughout his sleepless night. “Jun’s angry at me. He won’t answer my calls and I think he doesn’t want to be around me anymore.”

“And why is that?” Jin shrugged, drowning in the woes the darkened cloud of his worries above brought with it. J took a swig out of his beer, shifting his eyes between the two before coming to his own conclusion. “Is Jun being a puss again and blaming you Yoh?” He immediately paused. “Oh, my bad, I meant Soyoung. So what’s the deal. You seem pretty chilled out to me. I mean, I know how Jun is. Jin’s like Jun’s child and all, but something must have happened.” J wasn’t quick in getting to the bottom of things. He’d ask questions, try his best to provide whatever answers they needed, but if he didn’t get the full 411 there wasn’t really anything he could do.

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Soyoung had thoroughly believe for a moment there that he had accomplished in forcing a man to show his true colors, like he had such a knack for doing. It almost seemed to cliche to believe as the goosebumps pricked at his back to see Jongjin get so serious only to relieve some of the tension with his smiles and laughter. But it seemed Soyoung didn't have a sense of humor, or at least not Jongjin's. He didn't want the male to touch him again but yet he did and Soyoung had to clench his jaw as fingers stiffened. He just stayed as quiet as he could as they walked and made their way into the bar, Soyoung's eyes sifting around to inspect the place as his female-uninterested mind took no notice of the bodacious woman in their midst. Plus, he was far too disgusted to find out that Jongjin was the stereotypical freeloader who used his looks and charm to get free things. It just seemed so unfair when people like Soyoung had to struggle simply to survive sometimes.

Soyoung sat at the far end of the couch that Jongjin sat upon, seeing as there weren't many chairs in the room accept for on the opposite side. He just sat back with legs crossed, trying to be as comfortable as possible and attempting to not "bring Jongjin down" as the male claimed they were doing. If Jongjin could respect him, he'd try to respect Jongjin and that was the mindset he gave himself as he sat with hands folded in his lap, relaxing as he leaned upon the vertical couch back. But just like the night before, when Jinhwa asked about Jun's anger, the attention was brought upon Soyoung. He's large and unsure eyes looked at Jongjin for a moment before answering in his shame. "I...I don't know...I only found out early this morning that Jun being angry at Jinhwa is a strange thing. I thought he was always angry only to find out I was the cause. I don't know what happened...I don't know if I said a particular thing to set him off but he's been against me being around Jinhwa ever since after he had me walk Jinhwa home on a day he was sick..." He paused for a moment as eyes faltered. "He was apparently fine with me being in Jinhwa's company then. I don't know what changed that..."

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He sat through enough impromptu therapy sessions to determine when humor wasn’t of a necessities and the lone emotion of solemnity was greatly required. However, J wasn’t that type of person to get soaked up into other people’s problem, let alone experience the varied emotions that whisked through Soyoung's head. Instead of falling into depression, he stayed upon leveled ground, coping with the heavy atmosphere for the moment (since he was literally the cause of it) and took in Soyoung’s concerns with each sip of his drink. “That’s Jungbae for ya’. Always insecure. He doesn’t show it, but if I know him as well as I did back then, he’s more insecure than you both combined.” People had their faults and such faults were easily identifiable with emotions plagued in self-doubt. Insecurities fed upon them, had their little way of consuming its host without warning, and no matter how much he tried to conceal it, people like Jungbae couldn’t hide their fears from people as observant as J.

Jin couldn’t believe what he was hearing and literally shunned the thought of Jun ever falling prey to what he felt every waking day of his life. He was scared for good reasons, afraid due to the actions that had the tendency of turning into horrible mistakes, and the pain that nearly ate him alive all honed in upon the fact that Jun could freely leave him if he so chose to do just that. What Soyoung claimed sent a pang of guilt straight into the core of things that made regret all the more present in his eyes that hid behind the awning of dark forelock. “You’re not the cause of it.” He was a believer of things optimistic when it came to those who placed the roof of blame right over their heads. To Jin, it wasn’t Soyoung’s place to occupy a space filled with mixed and incoherent emotions. “I promised I wouldn’t let other people into my life and I broke it.” so, in a sense, it was his own fault, wasn't it? “I’m not a liar. I didn’t meant to, but …”

But he wasn’t sure what happened.

“Was it the wrong thing to do? Was it really a lie?” Lifting his head was difficult when questions weighed heavily over his features. Looking at J and Soyoung for an answer was even more of a challenge when he was aware the answers only resided within himself. But he intentionally brushed them aside, forgot about them, and buried it all at the back of his mind because realizing the truth was a complication he made no effort to comfort. J didn’t provide him with an answer. He merely drank at his bottle, before snapping another open, shrugging his shoulders in silence; not because he was reluctant in giving the reply Jin wanted to hear, but because he knew it wasn’t in his place to say a word.

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Insecure?

There that word went again in regards to Jun and Soyoung couldn't begin to understand why he'd be the cause of any insecurities the male would feel. But Jinhwa chimed and and what was said was something of a level so shocking that he didn't know how to respond immediately. A promise to let no one new in your life? He understand before that Jun was apprehensive about Jin having new people in his life, Soyoung knew that much. But never did he ascertain that Jun simply never wanted a single new person to get close to Jinhwa. So he never wanted Jinhwa to have his own life? To ever fall in love and maybe have a family if it was what he wanted? Because as far as Soyoung was informed, the relationship Jun and Jinhwa had between the sheets was purely physical and Jinhwa wasn't in love. Was it possible that Jun was in love with Jin, only to never receive the love in return? So many assumptions that Yeongsu would bruise him black and blue for coming up with.

"He made you promise that?" Soyoung finally spoke in his confusion, staring off to the floor past his knees. "Why? Why would he wish that upon you?" The question was growing stronger and stronger in his mind to the point that he couldn't hold it back any longer. "Jinhwa...Please forgive me for being rude but I have a question. Are you absolutely positive that Jun is not in love with you? I just...I can't understand why someone would platonically hope someone never gets close to another person." And since he knew Jinhwa would probably claim that Jun isn't in love with him, he turned to Jongjin for a moment. "What do you think, Jongjin-sunbae? You apparently know Jun pretty well. Is he in love with Jinhwa-hyung?" Because there was something involved in Jun and Jin's life that Soyoung had no idea of that could produce a love with the same strength and territoriality of a romantic love, without the romantic feelings for one another.

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What was love?

If Jin or J had an opportunity to define the trivial emotions that came with love and adoration, they’d be stuck in a stupor with no possible answer to describe it. To feel, to experience, to really indulge themselves in love was like setting themselves up for a trip to outer space. All you see is emptiness, all you felt was darkness, and all that clung within your chest was a mysterious sensation that lingered without a trace of an answer as to what it really was. Jin felt it once before, hadn’t he? He was certain that love was as real as the clouds above or the ocean crashing onto the shore, but of course, J had a whole different perspective on love. To put it simply: it didn’t exist.

Was he supposed to take the question seriously?

By the look on the younger’s face, it seemed so and he pushed himself off of the backrest, hunching forward in his seat as elbows rested upon his knees. His fingers interlaced beneath his chin, the tightened grasp acting as a form of support, while a cloud of ambiguity prevented him from determining whether or not he had the answer to a question that was much to vague for a reply. Luckily enough, Maya entered the room with her sexy self setting the books he asked for on the table before him, the woman leaving thereafter. “Here.” J picked up a photo album from the pile, gently tossing it over at Jin and Soyoung’s side of the table. “It should be on the first page. The top pic on the left.” What laid there was a group picture of smiling faces lined in a fluctuating row of people slinging their arms over each other’s shoulders. Jin was in the middle sporting a huge cheshire grin, holding up a peace sign with Yoon and J standing at either side of him. The line continued from there at either side of them as it involved Ryoma, Taejun, Kazuma, and Jun happily lip-locking a woman Jin had seen in his dreams on various occasions. “I guess that’s love and what Jin and Jungbae has now is something along the middle.”

“Like brothers.” Jin softly muttered, running his hands over the photo as if doing so would bring his memories back. “Yeah, like brotherly love. You just have to understand that he’s very protective…well, we all are, but Jun takes it over the top.” J let out a soft chuckle, reclining back in his seat. “It’s not a bad trait when you’re the one being protected, but if you’re on the opposite end, it‘s really a hellish thing to go through.” Jin was so fixed upon the album in front of him, he didn’t even notice how the room filtered in silence, save for the clatter of bottles that started slowly, but surely piling up. “So what do you get out of this Soyoung? Jun can be a real b***h so why take it? Do you love Jin?” It was only natural for J to throw the question back at him. Surprisingly enough, he was just curious. “You are that way, right?” Because who really knew. Homosexuality took many forms, so the assumption was understandable enough…in his perspective at least.

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When a photo album was given to them to look at and Soyoung saw the photograph that depicted a scene Soyoung was positive he'd never see anywhere other than in pictures of a past he had nothing to do with, he could only stared in slight wonder. Jinhwa was smiling...appearing perfectly happy as if nothing could touch the cloud he sat upon. Same for Jun who must have felt high on all things good to kiss the lips of what Jongjin insinuated to be the girl he loved. It was one of those picture perfect moments that was frozen in an eternity Soyoung knew he couldn't touch because something had happened to rip those people apart. The brotherly love comment nearly made Soyoung flinch a brow, considering that brothers typically didn't do what Jinhwa and Jun did on what Soyoung assumed a regular basis. But he realized that considering the family he came from, he didn't have much room to think on it since Jinhwa and Jun weren't even blood related.

Soyoung disagreed with Jongjin's statement on protection like Jun's being a good thing for the one being protected. Because how could it be a good thing if he forbid Jinhwa to become close to anyone else? But give it a moment's time and of course the question would be turned on Soyoung again in an awkwardness that sent that rouge to his cheeks.

"You're that way right?"

What an uneloquent way to put it.

Soyoung's eyes squeezed shut as he let out a sigh. "I'm so sorry this subject keeps getting brought up, Jinhwa-hyung. It must be so uncomfortable for you." In moments like that, did Jinhwa want to flee from Soyoung? In moments like that, was it even possible that maybe Jinhwa felt disgusted by Soyoung? But he directed his general gaze over toward Jongjin, though awkward eyes never met his. "Jinhwa already asked me that and the answer is no. It started out as a crush, yes, but I realize all I've really wanted was his company and his friendship." Because they were so wrong for each other. Soyoung didn't believe in fate and therefore he didn't believe that some higher power had a plan to match everyone up with the one they were meant to be with. Because as far as Soyoung was concerned, no one was "meant" to be with anyone. Some people just get lucky to find a person they are right for. Some people never get that lucky and spend their life divorce after divorce, some even dying alone. It was a reality he acknowledged and begrudgingly accepted. So why in the world would he chase after someone like Jinhwa, who was so wrong for him? He wouldn't.

But he needed that friendship. He needed what Jinhwa promised him and he needed someone who could understand his own emotions and fears. Why he needed it, or felt like he needed it was something unbeknownst to his own self. But it was something he desired so very much. But yet, he also desired to one day find someone he was right for...

"So..." he continued, trying to rid the room of the awkwardness that he was probably the only one feeling. "I just don't understand Jun's insecurity. I could understand, maybe, if I looked like Maya-san and he was afraid I'd just zap away all of Jinhwa's time from him. But I mean..." he smiled softly in his own insecurities. "It's just a friendship. Why does Jun hate that so much?" Soyoung's eyes veered off onto the photo once more. "Is it because of that? Is he afraid any friendship that isn't his and Jinhwa's will end up the way this ended up?"

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But what was this exactly?

Pictures said a thousand words, interpreted a thousand meanings and portrayed a thousand memories that went along the lines of bad and good, happy and sad, promising and mournful, and everything that went along the conveyor belt of opposites clouding his head.

Jin strayed his mind, his eyes, his thoughts, his views upon the matter and his emotions away from the blissful life he had never lived; for the memory was lost and the inquires were lost with it. Because as Soyoung continued on with the questions, an empty hole within his chest began turning into a large void that was more than difficult to suppress. He watched as J smiled, watched as eyes went half-lidded in a memory that flashed through his mind for a mere second before he snapped back into reality, kicking his legs up upon the couch and lying flat on his back with a half-bottle of liquor pouring like a waterfall down his throat. “Kinda. Sorta. Not really.” Now that didn’t answer the question in the slightest. His reply contradicted each other in the negatives hitting the point of incomprehensibility that was partially due to the alcohol, and partially because the mood was so down in the dumps. He had saw it coming, but still, preparing for remorse was like dodging a fist without warning. In a blink of an eye, in a fraction of a second, in the split moments that followed, he couldn’t’ react because there was nothing left but the hard hitting blow that couldn’t be dodged, couldn’t possibly be avoided because no one really talked about the issue. The past was in the past. Like he said before, s**t happened and it was an example of mind over matter:

If you didn’t talk about it, the memories didn’t exist.

But Jin wanted the answers, wanted so much to find the person within himself that he lost and J was the only one who could provide him with whatever he sought out for. It was the least he could do after what they’ve done. “Well, now that I think about it, I guess you’re right. He doesn’t want to make the same mistake again by letting other people into his lives. Jungbae kinda feels responsible for what happened between all of us. He puts the blame upon himself, learns from it and does what he has to do to protect the people around him.” What he spoke of was far from the understanding Jin asked for.

If he knew about his past and why everyone was so upset with each other, he wouldn’t blame Jun for what occurred. He wouldn’t blame anyone for anything because: “Things happen for a reason.” At that point, the ceiling was of no interest to the dark haired individual who turned his head in Jin’s direction with a light, nostalgic grin. “Shin use to always say that. So you remember?” Jin shook his head. “You shouldn’t try remembering. It’s better to forget. s**t, I’d choose to forget if I had a choice.” It wasn’t a laughing matter, but those pesky chuckles came out despite how thick the atmosphere currently was. Like a child unable to stand the compression of life’s pessimistic ways, J sat up, fidgeting with his bottle before deciding to toss Jin a shot glass. “Heads up.”

The warning triggered his reflexes as he caught the object in midair, looking at it questioningly, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with an empty glass. “It dulls the pain.” He offered as some form of a coaxing mechanism that drew J closely at Jin’s side, the hard liquor pouring at the brim of the glass Jin had no choice but to keep in his possession. “I can’t drink alone and since Soyoung has a meeting, we should down some glasses, eh?”

Does it really dull the pain? Will his inhibition of his dark reality really blur around him the moment it touched his lips? Jin stared at its golden hue reflecting ominously from his eyes, the ’elixir’ of the sort tempting him to simply forget what he just heard. “What is love? Did I love someone before? Can I love someone?” It seemed random considering they were off the subject of love a long time ago. J had an expression of bewilderment written all over his face, his immense perplexity unable to decipher why the question come up all of a sudden. But as soon as J followed Jin’s gaze, they both caught themselves concentrating on another woman who sat beautifully on Jin’s lap, arms loosely wrung around his shoulders as forelocks mended and longing stares were everlastingly shared between them. “She’s no one important. Just some random chick.” But it didn’t seem so random. They’re smiles and the contact they emitted upon one another wasn’t random at all.

It all didn’t make sense

The frustration caused Jin to rack a hand into his hair, nails scrapping at his scalp in utter distress. “I can’t be loved because why would anyone…”

“Jin. C’mon, you have to calm down. Just drink, alright. You’ll feel better.” It wasn’t about the companionship of a drinking buddy anymore. In the seconds that followed, J really was convinced, after all he had gone through himself, liquor made people forget most things that stabbed a knife right into his heart.

For christ sakes, he didn’t have a heart…neither of them did…when it came to love that is.

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Jongjing's answer proved itself to be not so helpful, considering that it was made off of guesses that he thought made sense. So in the end, Jongjin wasn't a help. And Soyoung had to wonder if there really was any point at all to Jin spending any time with him since he wastes time with fluff-talk instead of just giving Jinhwa a low-down on his past. The boy resisted the urge to outwardly cringe when Jinhwa stated the ever optimistic phrase that "everything happens for a reason" because Soyoung couldn't disagree more. It took every part of him not to respond with 'Everything does not happen for a reason except for the reasons of the people who initiate the things that happen. And even then, their reasons are far more screwed up than the reasons a hopeful person thinks fate comes up with. Things don't happen for a reason. They just happen. Sometimes they screw us over in ways unimaginable and in the end, it's up to us to do something about it. We can't rely on the comfort of this imaginary fate everyone talks about.' But to speak his mind, to actually say aloud what he's said in his head many, many times before in his life...it would be far too dreary a thing to say when Jinhwa was obviously searching for comfort.

And how did Jongjin try to give him comfort? Alcohol!

Puk-puk-puk-puk-puk-puk!!

Even when Jin spoke in question of a girl he didn't remember who he smiled greatly at, Jongjin couldn't even alleviate any information on who she was. It was obvious that she wasn't "some random chick" and his lack of communication was upsetting Jinhwa.

"I can’t be loved because why would anyone…"

And it happened. A guilt that seemed to manifest from something Soyoung didn't know existed flung like black matter in Soyoung's stomach, reaching up and curling around his ribs as it slithered up to surround his heart. Why, why did seeing Jinhwa's expression and the way nervous fingers racked through his hair as he said such a statement make Soyoung feel like a terrorist? He was so guilty. He knew what Jinhwa was going to say was why would anyone love him? Soyoung was the exact example of the people who would turn their face from Jinhwa in such a scenario because of the choices the male made. So what if Jinhwa wasn't worried about the fact that Soyoung decided he'd never love him? Soyoung knew that much. But it still stood: he was being just like Jinhwa was currently fearing in people. And it made Soyoung feel abhorred.

Fingers curled as eyes sauntered down as the depression filtered through his system. He was such a bad person. Soyoung felt like such a bad person. But it wasn't his fault! Was it? Jinhwa basically begged him not to fall in love with him. So Soyoung was only doing what Jinhwa asked him to do, right? Because it still stood! They weren't right for each other. So even though the guilty feeling laid active in his chest, he had to address the matter at had.

"You'll feel better for a moment..." Soyoung said with a dead voice as his fingers fiddled with one another. "But then you sober up and vomit and suffer from a headache. And all the while the things that made you sad enough to drink in the first place are just waiting for your sober mind to catch up to them. And then you'll want to drink all over again to forget for a while once more. But then the cycle begins...True that your body will build a better tolerance and you'll get less physically sick and headaches won't be so bad...But getting drunk will become more difficult for your body because your tolerance level rises...Then you develop a habit that could very well ruin your body and your career. And worst of all, it can ruin your relationships." He swallowed with taut lips. "I know because I watched it happened to someone who was supposed to care for me." Usually he wouldn't disclose such information to someone, especially when a stranger was listening.

He took a healthy breath. "Of course," he continued with a renewed tone of voice that harbored more life withing it, "everyone's different. Some people are lucky and such habits don't become an addiction, but a recreational choice from time to time. But I don't see the point in chancing it. Plus..." His eyes turned to look up at Jinhwa. "Remember what Yeongsu said? If you don't do what he said to, he will without you. So if I were you, I'd remain sober so that things can go smoothly today." Surely Jinhwa remembered the threat Yeongsu spoke to him that demanded that Jinhwa was honest with Jun about what transpired between Jinhwa and Jongjin two nights ago.

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The devil drinks with a glass filled with lies, it’s rim, silver and sweet, accentuating the thorns where pain reside, and forever, no matter where he was, who he was with or what the day provides, the poisons seep into his skin, taking him captive until darkness arise. It may not be within his heart, or treacherously breathed through his lung, but it was there, overtaking a soul that sullied away in the horrific lane where memories laid. J had an eye for things - an eye that saw through the bad, sought out the good and maintained the joy through a path riddled with glass. It’s sharp edges resembled the spoken truth brushed on lips that stalled the meaning of life itself through the eyes of a drunkard that already was aware of what Soyoung spoke of, and yet he’d dunk and drunk and continued to drink until his body went numb and the day’s endeavors were lost for a fraction of a moment that did not matter.

Jin must have felt it to.

Jin must have seen right through a façade that painted a smile over J’s face whenever discomfort took the form of a serious conversation he didn’t want to face. But who could blame him. Who could really blame J for wanting to forget something he couldn’t let go of.

With an arm carefully draped over Jin’s shoulders, the male - who didn’t care for anyone, didn’t really see the benefits in comforting anyone, and tried to ignore the nonsensical acts that didn’t involve the eroticism of what he thought was love- brought Jin into his chest as his free hand took the glass away from him and set it on the table.

It was like an anesthetic, or perhaps a dose of morphine burying the restless emotions under somewhere where his body couldn’t touch it nor feel the effects of the aches and pains that was ready to eat him whole. Jin wanted to cry, wanted to just tell the world he refused to atone to a happiness he didn’t deserve because once that fact was known, everyone would just leave him alone. Jin could have made it all go away for only a moment, but after hearing the confession that twisted a knot at the back of Soyoung’s throat, he thought wishing it all away was useless, absurd and a thought that belonged in the realms of science fiction where nothing was as it seems. Because as of that moment, no matter how much he wanted someone to hold him, J’s arms felt like he was out of place, out of focus and out of the thresholds of reality, and what he desired most was to get away.

And that’s what he did.

Jin pushed J away; not so roughly, not in a way to make him feel remotely offended by the act, but just enough to reel back and wrap his arms around Soyoung instead. Hiding in the darkness Soyoung’s neck provided steered him away from the pictures and the memories laid on the table. He couldn’t see them right now, couldn’t really make the images sink in because what etched upon paper seemed so much like a lie he wish was true, but a blank slate of memories served it as a past way out of reach. Tears failed to touch his eyes, but his body did tense when movement was felt and J took a moment to reach for another book bounded in a warn leather that revealed its age. “You had a journal that you told me to hold for you.” He had to let out an airy laugh at that revelation because out of all people, he always wondered why Jin chose him to keep it safe out of all the reliable candidates that were around him. “The whole thing is written in English, which I can’t understand, but there’s a few lines on the first page in French that I can translate for you, if you want.” But he didn’t let Soyoung go, didn’t even take a second to look at the book in his hand and so, with not much of a choice, J made himself comfortable once again and decided on opening the book as he flipped to the short entry he was able to understand.

‘Jin, if you have this, you have to find it within yourself to forgive me.
What I did was wrong but…
I have reasons and with reasons there’s an understanding that will be shared between us once you give me a chance to explain.
It’s all here
…you…me….us…
Please forgive me and always remember,
I love you.’


Ever since he received the journal, J had those lines implanted in his head for what seemed like an eternity. Even back when life was simple, Jin confessed to have never opened the book and would never lay his eyes on it unless it was necessary for him to do so. And by how everything transpired, he thought maybe, this was necessary in a time where questions needed to be answered. But seeing that Jin wasn’t going to let Soyoung go at that moment, J lent out the book for Soyoung to take and rose from his seat, stretching with an exaggerated sigh hitting his lips. “Aishhhh~ I wish we could have some fun the next time I come around. Y’know, not this depressing scene.” The chuckle had a sad accent added to it, but nonetheless, he managed to smile with an unopened beer plucked off of the table. “Since you’re not talking to me Jin, I’ll take it as my time to leave. You be safe and Yoh, good luck with the interview, maybe, if I’m bored enough, I’ll stop by the place and see how you’re doing.” Like that will ever happen. “And Jin, take the photo albums so that you’ll have a reason to get Jungbae to talk to you about what you want to know about your childhood, and your mother.” J left it at that, not receiving a response as he stared at the two who made his morning quite a drab in the history of ‘drab mornings’ that he ever experience in his life. “I’ll see ya.” And with that, Jin ignored the words of departure as J closed the door behind him, leaving to god knows where.

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                                                He was only trying to keep Jin from making another mistake he'd regret. And the more he was around the boy, the more he felt like a babysitter. But when he'd see the look of turmoil upon Jinhwa's features, he wouldn't even dare think about leaving him on his own. After all, empathy would be had when Soyoung himself doesn't know what it's like to not recall the majority of your past. He thought remembering his own was bad enough, but at least he expected what demons could return. At least he could ready himself for them. Jinhwa? He had no clue. Just like the night when the three showed up at the studio to raise hell, it was something Jinhwa didn't know how to handle because he didn't know what was going on.

                                                Jinhwa sat with that vacant stare that Soyoung stayed attentive to as Jongjin attempted some form of comfort in the act of bringing Jinhwa to his chest, only to be soon rejected. Soyoung didn't expect the act in the least but arms instinctively slid up Jin's back to return the embrace that the male apparently needed from him. Soyoung couldn't begin to fathom the kind of turmoil cycling through the confused male's mind from seeing old pictures of himself with people he no longer knew, wondering what all went wrong. He was afraid of having to face Jun and afraid of so many other things at the same time that Soyoung just closed his eyes held the male tightly. He wondered if Jongjin's decision to bring up a mysterious journal and to read it was a good idea at the moment but the drunkard read on and it seemed none of it brought any form of recollection to Jin's mind. Soyoung hoped so desperately that Jongjin would not show his face at CT Inc. while he was there and when the male was gone, Soyoung felt as if a great weight had been lifted. Maybe Jinhwa as well?

                                                They sat in silence for a long moment as Soyoung's fingers curved into Jinhwa's hair in a repetitive combing fashion while the other hand simply held onto the journal Jongjin had handed him. "There's no hurry, you know," Soyoung spoke softly. "To find out about your past, that is. I know, I know: It's easier said than done for me because I'm not experiencing what you are because I remember all of my past like a vivid picture book...But...I think it'd be healthier for you if you continued to learn in increments. And...And first you should worry about patching things up with Jun...When things are okay again, you should then worry about other things. One issue at a time, okay Jinhwa?" He could see what the conglomerating pressure was doing to him and he wondered how much longer it would be before Jin collapsed beneath it.

                                                "Jinhwa..." he didn't want to leave Jin alone for the next little while, but yet he knew Hiromasa was expecting his presence soon and encouraged for him to show up early if possible. "Will you ride with me to the agency?" But what if Jin didn't want to? What if his mind was thinking of a brash action once again. "B-Because...Hunsoo could be in town somewhere...and I know he won't mess with me if you're with me..." It was utter bullshit. Soyoung would have happily gone all by his self if Jinhwa seemed okay. But he needed to say something that would give Jinhwa motivation to follow him. "Then...you could go about your business after I'm dropped off. I'm sorry I know it's a selfish request but...Please come with me." When Jinhwa nodded, Soyoung slowly pulled from him with a smile. "Thank you," he spoke softly before grabbing the photo album to stack atop the journal.

                                                They left the building and caught a cab, Soyoung showing the driver the address Soyoung found on Hiromasa's business card. With Japanese traffic, they knew they'd have a long enough waiting period and so Soyoung used the time to attempt taking Jinhwa's mind off of the things bothering him for a bit. Why drink alcohol when he can just talk to Soyoung, right? "Hyung...I uhh...I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this but....I uhh...I have no idea how to act or what to say when I sit with Hiromasa-san. I-I've never been to a meeting like this...Can you give me some advice, hyung? When you enter a room for something like this, how do you first greet them?" He listened to Jinhwa's response and took note of every single thing said. But seeing as they still had so much time to go, he continued. "Kamsahamnida. So then...Should I expect trick questions from them? If so, what kind?" And he listened more. "Do they prefer smiley people, or serious looking people?" The game of questions and answers continued on for the remainder of the cab ride and soon enough, they were parked in front of the agency. The nervousness pricked from his toes to the tips of his fingers. "Phew...Wish me luck..." He smiled, paid the driver, and grabbed at the door handle, letting on foot out the door before turning his torso and smiling again. "Thanks so much for riding with me. And thanks for the advice. Umm...Jinhwa..." His smile faded by only a fraction in the seriousness of his next statement. "Be careful with those," he said with a gesture toward the album and journal that sat in Jin's lap. He smiled once more. "Remember: there's no hurry. You should put them in a safe place to look at later when you're ready. Things will be fine with Jun if you're honest with him. Let him know everything you let me know, okay? You didn't mean to hurt anyone but you realize that your action is one you shall not replicate. If he refuses to forgive you and things seem hopeless, know that I'm here." But Soyoung smiled wider. "But I think he'll forgive you. He loves you, right? Like brothers. If he wants to protect you so bad, there's no way better than to be there for you when you need him like you do now. I honestly think everything will be okay, Jinhwa. I've seen you be brave for my sake. Now go be brave for yours." He turned and stepped out of the vehicle but didn't shut the door before bending over, waving at Jinhwa with another smile, and bidding him goodbye. "I'll see you later and we can tell each other how everything went for our respective days, alright?" And with that, he shut the door for the cab to drive off with Jinhwa in it.

                                                He looked on in a double fear. 1)fearing Jun would take everything the complete opposite of what he thought the male would and 2) he had to turn around and step into a world he knew nothing about. He didn't even know brand names and was only aware of the existence of a select few celebrity models and even then didn't know much about them. He kept everything Jin said in mind as he found the room and greeted Hiromasa who was surprisingly warm to start with. They discussed contracts, scheduling, and general understandings for what Soyoung thought seemed a millennium but after thoroughly looking through the papers, he signed his name and voila! He was a model...kind of. "Alright, then. Thank you, Soyoung. Ready to make your first portfolio?" And for some reason, Soyoung thought this would be the most excruciating part of the entire ordeal.

                                                He followed Hiromasa to the styling section of the building where a small team of three people seemed to be preparing some things. "I understand that you have priorities with the upcoming group Al[tria], as Hiromasa-san made clear to us," a glammed and polished stylist no younger than 40 said to him. "Is there an issue with hair color? Are you supposed to keep it black." Soyoung blinked. Why was she asking him about hair color? "Well...umm...the one in control of styling never forbid us to change out hair color as long as it's not distracting like a vibrant unnatural color, or platinum blonde." Because Jun would never chance one of the dancers being a visual distraction. "Great. We're thinking auburn," the woman said as her acrylic nails passed through the strands of hair upon his scalp, lifting her fingers and eyes examined the look of his hair while fingers noted the exact texture. "...Auburn?" Soyoung couldn't deny it: he was uneasy. He'd never had a hair color other than his natural black his whole life and it was strange enough to have a woman touching all in his hair, but another came by to join her. "Oh it's going to be to die for with your skin tone." But why did Soyoung have such a bad feeling about this. "Exactly what I was thinking, hon. But not too light for the portfolio. Even though I've never been wrong, lets not go too drastic for his first shoot. We can go lighter later."

                                                "Okay, girls, stop hogging him," a wiry and flamboyant man with shoulder-length black hair in his thirties demanded with a quick stride Soyoung's way. "I need his measurements before you two get too excited or else I'll never get out of here." It was then that Soyoung noticed the man wore a yellow tape measure draping over his blazer from behind his neck. "Fine, Taiju~ Take him, take him." Taiju hooked a bony arm with Soyoung's. "Come with me, hon," he briskly said with that quick stride being something of a challenge to keep up with when the effeminate man had legs that went for miles. And Soyoung couldn't help what was up with these people and calling everyone "hon". Did no one refer to people by their actual names anymore? "We need to weigh you first," he said as he directed Soyoung over to a professional scale, making sure he took off his shoes and jacket first. "Okay. 130 lbs. Hon, you need to gain a good 5 or 10 pounds." And he jotted down Soyoung's current weight upon his clipboard. Even though the Taiju scrutinized Soyoung's weight despite his own skinny nature, Soyoung's face lit up. "I've gained five pounds!" he said in excitement. And he knew he only had Jinhwa to thank for providing him with healthy meals. He couldn't wait to tell him! "You mean you used to be skinnier? Oh hon! Keep gaining!" Taiju directed him off the scale and that was when he began wrapping the tape measure around different parts of Soyoung's body as he'd jot down everything in between. "So you're saying...The industry wants me to not be so skinny? I thought..." "The cold, hard truth about this industry is that it wants the girls to be sticks, not the guys. You were selected, no doubt, because of your body structure and facial features. The industry is always looking for male models of your body type to sell clothes to other males of your body type. But we don't promote anorexia. Look at your bicep measurements, hon." A pencil-like finger pointed at a number upon the clipboard that Taiju directed close to Soyoung's face. After letting his eyes focus, he saw a measurement he had to admit he was kind of ashamed of. "...Ouch..." he expressed with a cringe. "Yessir! See? Now Hiromasa would kill me if I got you to gain a lot of muscle mass or something but what I would suggest to you is lifting some medium-size weights to just fill your arms out a bit more. And this?" Taiju lifted Soyoung's shirt to the point that his bottom three ribs were showing and jabbed them with a cold finger. "I don't need to be able to play washboard percussion on your ribs."

                                                "Holy s**t, Taiju," the older woman exclaimed as she sorted through her dyes. "You always do this to the new ones. Chill, baby." And for some reason, Soyoung couldn't suppress a laugh. "Don't worry, noona," he said accidentally going back into old habits. "He's being sweet compared to the criticism I'm used to. I'm just too excited that I gained five pounds. I agree with him! I need to gain a bit more." Because while Taiju might have been the stereotypical, brash diva an agency like CT needed, at least he didn't us the f-word every two seconds like Jun. And when Taiju talked, he sounded like he was preaching. When Jun talked, he was degrading you. But before Soyoung could say a single thing more, there was an alarming squeal coming from the too dresser noonas. "Oh my god I love when these little Korean boys call me noona. It's so darling~" "I know, Okimi! It just kills me every time~ It's my turn next, Soyoung-chan~" The one who still remained unamed to his mind, who seemed to be in her thirties as well, gave him a smile and a wink that he didn't know how to respond to other than to laugh and blush.

                                                "Oh goodness...Speak of the devil," Okimi expressed and a jokingly exasperated tone as a new person was walking into the room, closing the door behind him. "Huh, wuh?" he asked with circular cookie eyes and a charmingly plump bottom lip hanging open in mock confusion. "Were you noonas talking about me again?" Okimi just leaned her head back slightly as she let out a guttural close-mouthed chuckle. "Oh we were just talking about how rude you Korean boys are," the younger woman proclaimed with a smirk. The boy let out a sound of offense. "Yume! When have I ever been anything but sweet to any of you!" And he walked on over to the women who both reached out in unison, took him by the back of the head, and planted a smooch on either side of his hair. "Ugh! You women are ridiculous," Taiju claimed with a roll of his eyes. "What was that, Taiju?" the male asked with sky-risen brows. "Are you feeling left out?" And the boy walked over there and leaned his head in toward Taiju, pointing a finger up at his own scalp. "You can give me a kiss, too, if you like." "Ugh!" Taiju sounded with a curl of his lip as a hand grasped the boy by the head and lightly shoved him away, causing a reel of chuckles to escape the plaid-donned male. "That's quite alright. I'll just wait to kiss my man at home when I'm done measuring this beanpole." "Beanpole? Look at YOU!" And Taiju tossed the tape measure back over his shoulder, put a finger to his own lips, and softly shushed the younger with a friendly wink and a smile before tucking the clipboard under his arm and walking off. "See you darlings tomorrow," he called out with a sway in his fabulous hips as he headed for the door. But before leaving, he stood in the doorway and turned to face them once more. "And Soyoung dear. Those eyebrows of yours are positively gorgeous." And he turned to leave, closing the door behind him.

                                                The fellow Korean boy turned to look at Soyoung and sighed with a beguiling grin that showed off lovely, long white teeth. "That's Taiju for ya. He tears you down but always leaves with giving you a compliment. I can only assume he was ripping you a new one before I walked in because he does that to everyone. With me, it was my teeth. He wouldn't shut up about me needing braces." And then male smiled widely, turning his face to the side as he pointed at side teeth that were slightly crammed in. "...But your teeth are nice..." "You see, noonas?!" he exclaimed, quickly turning his head to look their way. "People are always telling me there's nothing wrong with my teeth and I should ignore Taiju's nagging." Even when an image issue like his teeth came into play, the boy still kept a delightful smile upon his face. "Good, hon! Then don't touch 'em!" "Keep 'em the way they are, babe. You know how Taiju is. He has to have something to complain about someone's image. And if you fix it, he'll find something else to tell you to change." The women just giggled at the truth of the statement about the man that they loved so much despite his far too judgmental tastes. Because just like the hushing moment after the "beanpole" comment, they all knew that Taiju was aware of and accepted his own physical "flaws" and simply nagged for the fun of it, sometimes.

                                                Soyoung felt so out of place, in a world where everyone knew each other and seemed so sociable. And he still didn't even know the name of the male in front of him. "Oh! he sounded, turning back to Soyoung. "I'm Hangook," he proclaimed with and offering of his hand for a shake. Soyoung returned it. "I'm S-" "Soyoung. I know." The dancer boy's eyes widened in shock. "H-How..." Hangook dropped the boy's hand and put his own in his back pants pockets. "Because I saw your performance. And so when I found out that 'the dancer from the Al[tria] debut performance' was coming to work here, I wanted to meet you." Soyoung stared back with dazed eyes. "To...meet me?" Hangook's half smile dropped open to show those long teeth again in an airy singular chuckle. "What? You're not used to having fans yet?" Soyoung's eye's tossed from side to side. "...Fans?" "Whaaaat? You mean no one has confessed to you that they're your fan yet? Woah that must mean I'm your number one fan, right?" "Oh just listen to him flirt! You've barely even met the boy yet, Hanni~" Soyoung turned beat red, his heart pounding as Hangook's smile widened and he turned to Yume and flapped his arm vigorously as a signal to stop as he loudly went, "Shhhhhh!!"

                                                Soyoung didn't know what to think of the situation that sent the fiery heat to his cheeks. Were they all making fun of him? "So anyway," Hangook continued as he turned to look at Soyoung again, but expression alternating to that of great concern with his brows shot up to high heavens. "Woah, are you okay?" He just wasn't used to someone blushing quite that bright but instantly the noonas did in fact begin to squeal at the sight before them of a blushing uke, as if pulled right out of a yaoi manga. "I wish my daughter was here to see this. She would just die. Come on over here, Soyoung baby. I'm going to start working on your hair."

                                                -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                Yume was off picking out Soyoung's two outfits as Okimi had begun the process of trimming his grown out hair, making sure to keep its length, and then beginning the lightening process as Hangook had pulled up a spinny chair beside them, swaying from side to side. "Okay. It's time to let this sit for a while. I'm gonna go get a soda so don't fool with your hair, okay? Don't touch it!" Soyoung became fully alert at the fact that Okimi was about to leave him completely alone with Hangook for who knows how long and his heart began to race and he was tempted to spout out that he'd call her noona for the duration of the bleaching if she wouldn't go anywhere. But how ridiculous would that be thus he kept his mouth shut, allowing the woman to walk out the door. Words could not describe his fear of socializing one-on-one with someone he didn't yet know who had possibly been making fun of him earlier. He was scared, no doubt about it, social anxiety choking up his throat in a way that kept him silent. It was strange how Soyoung would force his presence upon Jinhwa those days they didn't yet know each other but it was how Soyoung worked. When his heart wanted something, a bravery to match that of a front-lined soldier came over him. But there in that room, he felt trapped. Like Hangook would say the easiest thing to respond to and all Soyoung would be able to get out was stammered nonsense.

                                                "So anyway..." 'Oh god here we go...' "About that dance. I must have watched that video a million times just to get to that part. You're so good. I wish I could dance. How long have you been dancing for?" Soyoung swallowed. "Umm...well...I'm not sure...On and off learning for a couple years? A-And then I've been receiving training from Sm for the past 4 or so months. Wh-What about you? How long have you modeled for?" He was making conversational progress. "Two years now," he responded as he slowly turned from side to side upon the chair. "It's fun. I really like it. But I've been here in Japan for a couple months now, so I know pretty much everyone. I can help introduce you to some people after your shoot." "O-Oh thank you that's kind. But I have to go back to the studio right after I'm done." "Oh I understand. So you? Any modeling experience at all?" Soyoung slowly shook his head. "Not one single bit?" Soyoung breathed in deep. "They'll probably fire me on the spot when they find out I can't take photos to save my life." "Whaaaaaat? Oh come on. It's easy." "What? No it's not! I don't know how to pose or-" "Uhp!" Hangook sounded loudly, putting a "stop" hand in Soyoung's face. "There's you problem right there!" he proclaimed as he dropped his hand and leaned back into his chair. "You think you have to pose. It what gets every new model."

                                                Soyoung stared at him for a moment, a brow raising. "Posing?...Isn't that what models...do?" "You can think of it that way. You can over think it and over think it 'till you're blue in the face. But my advice to you? Don't pose." Soyoung continued to stare at him. 'This guy is trying to sabotage any chance I have at success,' he instantly assumed. "Don't...pose?" he repeated in all skepticism. Hangook nodded with a confident smirk. "Don't pose. Here! Lemme show you what I mean." "Wuh?" Hangook reached for Soyoung's hands and pulled him up from his seat, the plastic sheath still around him. "Take this off," he said as he unsnapped the plastic from around Soyoung's neck and tossed it to the side. "Don't worry the stuff won't drip. Now watch me. When you think modeling, you think posing right? If you were a photographer and I were your model, something you might assume I'd do is this, right?" Hangook sat upon the makeup counter with his arms on either side of him as a leg lifted landing a foot on the top of a chair's back, then tilting his head at a modelesque angle as he looked at Soyoung. "Y-Yeah...I guess I would. That's posing isn't it?" "Exactly! Don't pose! Not unless you're a natural. Are you a natural? Show me."

                                                Hangook grinned from ear to ear and Soyoung blushed again and waved his arms around in refusal. "N-No, no, no! I'm not a natural." Hangook giggled at Soyoung's expense. "I don't get it. If I'm supposed to model, how can I do that without posing? What are you trying to say?" Hangook's cheeks rose endearingly as the corners up his lips pushed them up in a smile. "When you're waiting in a substation and there's a long line, and you look like this...." He paused to exemplify the image a person waiting in a boring line might give off: hands lax in his back pants pocket, a leg slightly ahead of the other, as his eyes looked off to the side. Remaining in that position, he looked at Soyoung. "...would you consider yourself to be posing?" Soyoung blinked. "...No..." "Okay so what if you're going to prom and you're waiting for your date to appear downstairs because you're picking them up. You'd be a little self conscious about your clothing as you look up to see if they are making their way down the staircase yet, right?" And Hangook stood there with a straight posture as his eyes looked softly up at nothing in particular but his hands were raised meeting in front of his chest as he fiddled with imaginary cufflinks. "Am I posing?"

                                                Soyoung's lips spread in the realization. "Oh! I see what you're saying! You're posing but...you're not posing." Hangook smiled. "You can think of it that way." "Well, I mean...In your mind you're not posing. I get it." Hangook's smile spread into a twinkle in his eyes. "Exactly. It's just I've seen it time and time again...Advanced, experienced models can get creative and do all these weird poses and still look cool. But it's too often I see amateurs get in front of a camera and look just dumb. And they'll forget that their job is to sell the clothes and they'll pose in ways extremely unflattering to what they're wearing. So today I want to see you get in front of that camera and do things you do all the time. Alright? Now lets practice." "W-Wuh? No, no, no! I-" "So you'd rather freeze up in front of the real camera? Come on. You're waiting in the subway bored as hell." He formed his fingers into an imaginary camera before his face that aimed at the smiling but blushing Soyoung. "No! I look stupid! I have all this gunk in my hair." Hangook let out a reel of attemptedly stifled giggles. "So? It's just me and you. Come on. You're in a boring line. Show me what you look like in a boring line."

                                                Soyoung sighed heavily as he realized there was no way out of it. But Rae had trained him in the art of trolling. So he put one hand in his back pocket, looked off meaningfully to the side, and shoved a finger up his nose from his free hand. Hangook immediately dropped his imaginary camera to bend over and let out another bout of enthralling laughter. "Gross! You're a booger picker. I'll make sure to have someone stand between us if we're ever waiting in the same line." Soyoung dropped the act and with a light smile, still not loosened enough to truly laugh at his own joke. "Alright, now. Do that again just no nose picking this time," he demanded in a sunshine voice.

                                                A good ten minutes passed of Hangook giving Soyoung "not posing" tips and hints about what kind of angles to use with his face before Okimi returned to rinse his hair and but the auburn bye in it. Throughout the process, Hangook question Soyoung on interests to find out that they had a lot of the same, like reading manga and manhwa as well as playing video games. Eventually, the entire process was over and Okimi blow-dried the now-auburn head of hair that Soyoung stared mesmerized at. "I look so...different." "You look cute." The comment forced Soyoung's eyes to flit over to the commenter before shooting away again as a blush returned to to his face. "I mean you were totally cute before but now you're just cute in a different way. The auburn haired-way." The blood would never fail to rush to his cheeks as his heart beat faster and he avoided eye contact. "Wow...you blush so easy..." he said softly, as if in wonder. He leaned forward to Look Soyoung more directly in the face. "It makes you even cuter." Soyoung's throat seemed to be swelling up because he couldn't force a thank you or any kind of vocalization that expressed appreciation. He couldn't look into the handsome face that felt no fear in looking at him, so he had no choice but to turn his entire head away. "Wow~ What a blush," Okimi commented as she swiped a group of Soyoung's hair through a flat iron.

                                                The pulses throughout his body seemed to be pounding three times harder than normal and he even felt sick to his stomach, especially considering that he'd never been hit on quite like that before by someone he wasn't already dating. Hangook seemed different than Jongjin's type. He knew he was good looking but he didn't verbally brag about it and his flirtation seemed...gentlemanly? Soyoung couldn't deny, for he was indeed human, that somewhere in him he liked the attention.

                                                -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                Thanks to Hangook's help, Soyoung had a successful photoshoot for he kept that male's advice echoing through his brain the whole time. So he managed to create a portfolio that didn't look positively ridiculous. However, he didn't want to look at the finished set that the CT photographer chose for Soyoung's portfolio. The idea at looking at picture of his own self frightened him to no end and he tried to escape to a dressing room but Hangook grabbed him by the upper arms and forced him to look as the photographer panned through the chosen set. "It's a start~" Hangook claimed, his hands still glued to Soyoung's upper arms. Soyoung stared in wonder. "I can't believe it...I don't look stupid..." He turned to look at Hangook who had already been looking at him and the blush set in again, causing Soyoung to wriggle out of the male's grasp. "Thanks, hyung. Or, err...dongsang?" Hangook showed his teeth again in an endearing smile. "I'm 19." "Oh! Then...hyung. Thank you hyung for helping me. I-I really needed it a-and I appreciate it greatly." Hangook raised a brow as that toothy grin remained upon his face. "Why are you being so formal?" Soyoung just blinked and shrugged quickly before briskly turning and walking off toward the dressing rooms.

                                                Hangook made him nervous. He made those butterflies go crazy and it wasn't right because Soyoung had no reason in the world to like him. He didn't know him and therefore he just needed to get back into his clothes and rush to the studio to learn his challenge. And most of all, he needed to text Jinhwa to make sure he's okay. "Hey Soyoung wait!" the male called after him, causing Soyoung's heart to skip a beat as if a monster jumped out at him. "Why are you in a hurry?" he asked as he trotted behind him, finally catching up to the boy who paused out of politeness. "Because I have to get back to the studio. As soon as possible." "Aww~ So this really is all that I get to see you today?" Soyoung smiled momentarily, fiddling with his fingers. "Y-Yeah I guess so." "Oh...Well then I guess I have no choice but to ask you on a date for later this week."

                                                And suddenly the world went quiet. Nothing was moving and everything around them seemed white because Soyoung was feeling the strangest sensation of numbed deafness he'd ever experienced. But surely it wasn't how he first perceived it. "You mean like a...business date?" Hangook's eye's raise up at and angle as his jaw jutted in blissful disbelief. He looked back down at Soyoung. "God you're cute. I meant..." and he reached out toward Soyoung's palm, fingers wrapping around. "...like a date because I like you kind of date." Did he slip on someone else's shoes that day? Was Hangook under some kind of hallucinagin to think that Soyoung was someone else? Because never in Soyoung's life had he been asked on a date without him having to pull teeth to get the person to notice him. "I...I..." He wasn't used to this. His heart was pounding in his ears and he could tell his hands were getting clammy and he didn't know what to do...until it hit him. "I don't know how long I'll be in Japan." "...What do you mean?" "We're...We're having more eliminations for the dancers...In a week...I might be sent back to Seoul." Hangook showed an expression of disbelief. "Wow...I would have thought you'd be exempt from that, after that kickass performance yesterday." "I'm...sorry" Hangook thought for a moment. "Well...What the hell. Lets go on a date anyway. We can go play games at an arcade. And I'll treat you to some food." "You...You'd want to go in public?" He smiled. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" Well, maybe because Soyoung's last boyfriend demanded they be kept a secret and he didn't expect Hangook to not be the same.

                                                Soyoung shrugged. "Soyoung. Please. I'm from Seoul too. If you're sent back there, I'll be going back and forth between there and here all the time. We can see each other regardless." "What are you saying?" Hangook gave Soyoung a genuine look of confusion. "You seem to be pretty new to the dating scene. Soyoung, I'm saying that if we hit it off, who knows. I really like you. I've never met a dancer as bomb as you to be so humble, so sweet, and so adorable walk into CT Inc. Im so sick of all these people walking in with this attitude like they'll put all the other models out of business. On top of all that, we have a lot in common. Come on. Don't pass up a chance like this. Will you go on a date with me? If you get sent back but we still like each other, we'll work out ways to see one another. Oh wait..." He released Soyoung's hand to cover his own face and drag the hand down in embarrassment. "I sound pretty conceited right now, don't I? Just assuming you like me back...I guess I just really hope you do." He chuckled as his hand fell to his side. "Will you? Will you go on a date with me?" Soyoung's unblinking, dry eyes stared up in what seemed like horror. "S-Sure..."

                                                -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                The was an exchanging of numbers and an awkward (for Soyoung) hug goodbye before Hangook left the boy shaking and feeling like he could vomit. After all...he just realized he hadn't eaten in a while. Before he left the building, he retrieved the jump drive given to him of a copy of his portfolio and he he left the building feeling like he didn't understand the world anymore. His hair was lighter now and he was actually asked on a date. Why him? Does that guy know tons of other models? Maybe he's dated them all already and he wanted to try out the new one? Was Hangook like that? The mere thought of the boy wrenched at Soyoung's insides in a weird case of nerves because the fact of the matter was yes Hangook was very nice to him, he shared a lot of the same interests, made him laugh, even enjoyed Soyoung's weird sense of humor, and...well...he was cute. Soyoung didn't know what to think. Was it wrong? Was he setting himself up for something bad?

                                                He didn't know. But what he did know was that it was time to focus! He had to learn to breakdance. A few texts established that Rae was at the studio with his laptop, trying to learn the C-walk on his own since Jin was busy that day. And so as Soyoung rode in a cab, he texted Jinhwa asking "Are you okay? Do you need me?" And he left it at that. He didn't want to call in case he was in the middle of talking to Jun right that moment. He was concerned and even though his mind was shot over the entire CT experience, he couldn't help but to go in circles in his mind of what state Jin might be in in those moments.

                                                "Woah! Look at you! Mr. Model-Man!" Rae teased at the sight of the new hair color as Soyoung entered the practice room Rae was sitting in, taking a breather.



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                                    Like the wind crying endlessly through the boundless universe of the open sea, time carries away the names, the deeds, the smiles and the laughter he once called his own. They’d crash onto one another, colliding amongst slabs of rock and rigged terrines acting as an obstacle that trailed and strayed him away from all that he was, all that had remained, and all that seemed to define him in the remnant of a past relayed through pages he dared not the look at; for the consequences were ever present in the interminable fear rattling the cages of his heart. It wasn’t about love anymore, wasn’t about himself, wasn’t about trying to make things right, because what mattered to him the most was Jungbae - the person who picked him up when he was done, the person who broke all facades and smiled when he needed it the most, the person who dug him out of the dark, even though he partially blamed himself for inflicting him with the pain that trailed along profanities and the anger Jin hid away from. He was the person that was there through the wretched storms of his past and the forgotten thoughts forever implemented as a dream in his dreary reveries. Jungbae was the person who would understand the situation etching the scars from the inside out, just as Soyoung proclaimed. He’d forgive him and Jin believed it would eternally be the sanguine fate to come for the reasons that revolved around trusting Soyoung with his entire being, as he hung on his every word. Because surely, if that wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t have moved away from such a desolate place that only ever seem to resemble the inner-workings of his intoxicated mind.

                                    Sloshed with worries, buzzed with the complications life brought with it, and continually laced with the condemnable clouds hovering overhead, he assumed the worse, undermine the so called miracles of a friendship that was boasted about in various shapes and forms he couldn’t place. As they slowly made their way out of the bar, everything began falling out of place once he thought about the warming feeling of adoration and the reply to his question regarding love that had been mangled, crushed and denied with an inevitable no Soyoung so blatantly muttered out. He had a crush, but what did that really mean? What kind of emotions were associated with a crush and how did it differentiate with the friendship they claimed to have? When Jin allowed another into his life he quickly assumed there was something more to such a relationship than wanting another’s presence near.

                                    From what he observed, friendship was indefinable. It rooted out to various meanings that were vague and unjustifiable for those who wanted something distinct and meaningful, just as Jin always desired in the connection he shared with people who were limited in numbers. In other’s perspective, there were friends that cared for one another, friends that were there to pick you up when you were down; friends who chatted amongst each other and occasionally tangled the unwinding strings of fate together in a unified manner that welcomed each other’s smiles, their words, their laughter, and everything that made them so complete. However, to Jin there was love, there was family, there was that unbreakable bond that allowed him to express his demons without an ounce of hesitation. Because to disclose yourself to the people around him meant keeping that connection bounded for life as the knot between them grew undisturbed for the amount of time he had left on this earth. If he didn’t know what true love really was, then he defined it as the friendship he had with Yeongsu, Jungbae, Ayako, Ryoma, Kazuma, and he wanted so much to add Soyoung into the mix but it was like something prevented him from doing so.

                                    It wasn’t because of Jun’s disapproval or the fact he was reluctant and doubtful of what they shared, but it was mainly for the reasons that laid in the dark, the reasons that made Soyoung only admire him like his fan’s would, only have a crush on him like anyone who screamed his name would, and only made Soyoung resemble that Yuki character he talked about in his favorite manga where a feeble string of connections existed between what Soyoung's interpretation of friendship was, and what Jin thought the beginning of a breakable bond would end. But he wanted him there, wanted him to always talk to him like nothing was wrong and be the one he could hold when no one else remained. He wanted Soyoung to drag him to his meeting, wanted Soyoung to ask him if he could come along so he could protect him through and through. What Jin wanted was someone who wanted him as much as he wanted Yeongsu, wanted Jun, wanted Soyoung and everyone else who he considered those significant people that was most precious in his life. But he couldn’t get what he desired most because he was afraid to speak up and worried he’d be nothing but a nuisance in their lives. They had their own lives to live after all, and who was he to stop them from going on without him. Who was he to tell Soyoung he was scared of the distance that paved on as the cab continued to a destination that made him so frightful when he felt so alone. Why did he have to make everything so complicated for himself? Why was it so hard to accept that relationships weren’t as endearing and everlasting as he always dreamed them to be?

                                    Jin opened up the album filled with a life that wasn’t his own. He saw his smile, saw how eyes glistened in that unfamiliar happiness he couldn’t remember ever feeling, let alone allowing himself to experience ever again as he came to a conclusion that this man with his face, his eyes and his hair wasn't him. What he saw was some type of clone, living what he believed was his life, only to find out it was a shadow of a past his mind deceptively conjured up for the pleasures of thinking he once had the connections that made life worth living. With each page turned and each breath held deep within his chest to suppress his cries, Jinhwa felt all the insecurities, Soyoung worked so hard in brushing away, hit him with full force. When he had the time to think, the time to really reflect on all that was about to come, it was easy to grasp the feelings that made tears stung his eyes. Soyoung told him to take one step at a time, move forward as slowly as possible and keep his head up high, but if he hesitated in the slightest, he knew nothing would be resolved like he wanted them to. For some reason, he was certain knowing his past would reveal the reasons why Jun despised Soyoung so much, and why he protected him the way he did as Jun belittled all that stood in their way. The answers sealed themselves through the pages his fingers trembled upon, his eyes watering and blurring the images he’d give anything to see again. Looking upon a reflection of his own smile would mean the world to him, and seeing Jun doing the same would most definitely put his heart asunder in all the directions where happiness laid. Jin felt a mixture of hope and hopelessness spreading through his body, warming the insides of heart, his mind and the soul he thought never existed until Soyoung’s advice nipped at his ear.

                                    ’ Things will be fine with Jun if you're honest with him.’

                                    Is that all that was required of him? Was that really the answer to everything that made his mind twirl and whirl into a swirling vortex of entropy? Like always, he was unlikely to submit to optimism, but at the same time, it wasn’t as if he had any other choice but to close the album, step out of the cab, and face his problems head on despite having no one by his side to do so.

                                    ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬ ▫ ▪ ▬


                                    Time is free, but it's priceless.
                                    You can't own it, but you can use it.
                                    You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
                                    But once you've lost it, you can never get it back.


                                    Time was always of the essence when everything involving Jungbae required a precision that was neat, tidy, exact, and estimated in a perfection that was nothing short of the follies that punctured new existing wounds into every part of him that shook, trembled and anticipated the moment he’d enter the room Jun currently resided. Ayako had taken the photo albums and the journal in complete understanding when he presented it to her, allowing him at least one less thing to worry about…for the moment that is. Because right now, the doorknob his trembling fingers reach and retracted from every few seconds or so had felt like hot coal burning any chance of him stepping through its sturdy foundation. Jin stared and stared at the wooden structure, picturing the anger, imagining the words that would venomously pour out of him in a lethal infraction of all things Jin thought he was able to achieve. But what he thought he could obtain slipped from his fingers when he reversed his steps and hit his back to the wall, slowly sinking, miserably falling to the floor in his own distress. “I can’t do this.” His confessions echoed into a misconstrued reasoning there was no point in atoning to. Jin didn’t want to feel responsible for his own failures and yet, he knew it was his fault for backing away, his own fault for hesitating when he clearly had a chance to make things right.

                                    Just as before, he huddled his knees close to his chest, while fingers buried and hid behind the shadows his dark tresses provided. Things will never be the same. His life was simply going downhill from there because all the wrong he’d done would never, ever be forgiven. Jin sat there for a long while, people walking by without a clue of what to do because when they saw people in distress, it was a sign to clear away before that same sorrowful cloud hovered over their seemingly perfect day. It wasn’t like he cared; not like he ever asked for anyone’s help because he knew how the world worked. Once you’re leveled with the emotions you desired the most, everyone tried to keep it that way, ignoring all other trivial matters that came there way. It was the reason why rich and commoner folks alike almost, always ignored the poor who rattled their empty cans in the streets. It was the reason why children starved when powerhouses like the United States had all the resources in the world to provide for those who was less fortunate. Being happy was the reason why no one came to his aid because everyone looked after their own lives, their own feelings and their own emotions as oppose to those who didn’t matter. And really, he couldn’t blame them for continuing onwards. He could never blame them for wanting the happiness Jin himself had searched high and low to achieve.

                                    He just couldn’t blame them.

                                    “Jin, baby, what are you doing there?” Was someone actually calling his name? Was someone really crouching in front of him and streaming their fingers gently through his hair? “Awww~ what’s wrong now Jin? Is Jun-baby mad at you again?” Maybe the concern in his eyes was all he needed to keep his head up high. Maybe, having Ryo caressing his cheek and wiping his tears away was all he needed to look toward the objective he placed before him. Maybe, just maybe, losing himself in the sweet solace of a voice he entrusted so much of his soul to could calm him enough to reach for that door and tell Jun everything he needed to hear. “I did something wrong.” Fingers ran passed his cheeks, padded along his jaw, outlined the prominent slope at his neck and barely etched his nails along lips that were unaware of Ryo’s intentions when Jin was too focused on the sympathetic smile the other softly revealed. “Is that so?” It hung in the air, his question evidently sensual, ominously indulging over the fine, impeccable features he could never get enough of. “I just want to make things right. I want Jun and everyone else to care about me again.” The smile widened ever so slightly, it’s daunting feat in harboring the understanding Jin clearly noted, remaining upon lips that unnoticeably drew near. “I’ll always care about you Jin. You know that, don’t you?” He cocked his head off to the side in question, upturned lips accentuating the façade of sincerity in his eyes; however, before he could get any closer, the hinges of the door behind them went undone and before anyone knew it, Ryo was brutally kicked off balance, falling over at his side with Jun menacingly towering over him. “Do I have to kill you to?” Unnerving laughter broke out, his words sputtering in the same fashion when the rough treads of Jun’s boot sank into his gut. The supercilious blond wasn’t in the mood for bullshit right now, hadn’t the patience to deal with Ryo’s s**t, and it clearly portrayed in the last strand of sanity that nearly snapped as his foot sank deep into the other’s flesh. This ’rough play’, as Ryo called it, was nothing surprising, but to Jin, considering all that happened between them, he took Jun’s intentions of threatening another quite differently. “Jun…”

                                    The sound of his name paused the blonde’s pursuit in crushing every bone in Ryo’s body, his eyes hidden under stylized fringes staring blankly at the wall, not entirely sure if he should acknowledge Jin’s presence or ignore it. As obvious as ever he was right there, waiting for a response, searching for a way to draw in his attention, but Jun instead retreated back into the room from whence he came, unexpectedly leaving the door open as he said not another word. “There’s your chance to make things right.” Ryo coughed out, his vocals a bit rasped by the pressure Jun might as well have applied on his throat. “Don’t worry. Jun-baby cares. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t threaten to bruise my poor sensitive body.” A smile, it was all Ryo managed as he said no more, the boy standing up and waltzing down the hall for some kind of meeting for the advertising strategies he was fully in charge of. And so, as the dust settled, the silence heightened as his mind buzzed with question after question his mind tried to prioritized. But in the end of it all, it was as if he had no choice but to stand on his own two feet and break the ice…so to speak.

                                    Upon entering the room, the first thing he noticed was mounds and mounds of clothing material sprawled throughout the floor as pins, needles, scissors, a sewing machine and the like joined in on the cottony mesh of black, white and blue that rolled out onto the floor. The sheen of diverse fabrics caught his eyes, as it was intended for the custom stage wardrobes Jun took upon himself to make. He had an art for these kinds of things, constructed and put together an outfit that was not only cost efficient, but really presented the unique and diverse styles Al[tria] had not only in their music, but in their attire as well. “Pass me the pattern for the left sleeve labeled with an ‘A’.” Jin snapped back to reality, completely caught off guard when orders were said and he hesitated to move for a bit as if he thought he imagined Jun talking to him. But it was nothing close to a delusion because as Jun impatiently stared up at him with a pin propped carefully between his lips, it was clear that their eyes had met, which ultimately meant that small connection and acknowledgement was being made. The hope flourished out of nowhere, his nerves completely diminished, because as he did what he was told, Jun silently motioned for Jin to sit next to him once the paper was laid out onto the fabric of choice.

                                    Outlining began and the silence followed suit, Jin never taking for granted exactly how much Jun’s calming aura really made him feel. The unity itself, the interwoven relationship resembling that of the clouds and the sky above had laid his doubts to rest even as the silence lingered on. It wasn’t until patterns were cut and hand-sewing presumed that Jun finally brought his attention back to the vacillating stare that couldn’t quite look him in the eye. “Open your legs.” Jun always made sure their minutes, their hours and their days were spent just as it use to be. Serenity would take over, demands were completed and Jun would sit himself comfortably between his legs, leaning back as a head full of blond hair rested upon his chest. He went about his sewing thereafter, Jin catering to Jun’s needs as arms instinctively slipped around his waist, while locks of dark hair intermeddled with tresses of gold. “I missed you.” A day was all it took for the loneliness to stir within every nook and cranny his body provided. They were sickening caverns, pitiless hallows of the heart he never once took notice of, yet, it wasn’t as if Jun had any say on the matter when feeling alone without Jin by his side conquered every inch of his entire being. “It was ******** stupid. It was a bunch of bullshit piling on at once that I didn’t know how to take it. I just missed you so much.”

                                    By then, Jun had dropped what he was doing, his composure plummeting to the floor along with it because as soon as Jun gathered himself to his knees, arms tightly and tremulously surrounded him in an embrace that sent tears fogging the mirror Jin leaned his back upon. “I hurt you didn’t I? I ******** hurt you so badly and I was stupid for not apologizing sooner. I was too ******** stupid to go back into that room and tell you I was sorry. I wanted to say it, but by the time I went back, you were gone and I got so damn frustrated with myself. It was like I was pushing you away when it’s the last thing I wanted to do. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. But I hate this so much. I’m pissed about everything because I don’t want you going away. I don’t want you running away from me again. I don’t want to wake up the next day to find out you’re gone and never coming back.” One day. How that one lonely day changed Jun’s prospects of his once stable reality that took on the fears of a past that was long since forgotten. Yet it was still there, flooding his thoughts, haunting his dreams and keeping him up at night as that one single day without Jin felt like a nightmare ready and willing to pull Jun down into the underworld.

                                    The way Jun tightly held him in his arms was the same way Jin’s encompassing embrace implemented upon the small figure he buried his face right into. He could hear his contrite breathing, the strong yet shallow rise and fall of his chest paining Jin more than Jun could ever imagine. “But it’s my fault Jun. I don’t blame you because it’s my-”

                                    “Just shut up alright. It’s not your ******** fault when I was the one who yelled at you, the one who told you things that were never true and the one who did things I wouldn’t have never done if I just calmed the ******** down instead of hurting you like I did.” But he never once categorized Jun’s woes as something so bad that tears was even necessary at a time where Jin considered himself so much more guilty than he currently let on.

                                    The utter regret and full-blown remorse streamed down Jun’s face, and he tried to wipe them away when he pulled back to get a good look at the grave physiognomy he could never live a day without. But to no avail, they spilled and dripped in the form of the insecurities that rained in the pitiless heaven’s above. “********] he blubbered out, the palms of his hands violently ridding himself of the damnable display that ripped and tattered his image into smithereens. “Only wimps and pussies cry… except you, of course.” A little smile breached the premises where solemnity had once wondered, Jin’s eyes, full of what love resembled, shimmered in that definitive shine representing both relief and the joy he couldn’t contain. While Jun fervently swiped the tears that ebbed annoyingly at the corner of his eyes, Jin dove in for another hug, his face smothering, cheeks brushing and a wide smile burying into his chest. When he thought Jun would refute the sudden encirclement of arms holding him into a suffocating embrace like he always did out of slight embarrassment, Jin was only met with a mirrored image taking him into Jun’s warmth as his smile pressed gently atop his head. “Jun?”

                                    “Yeah,” he softly answered, as if every ounce of him was lost in the lush comforts of Jin’s hair. “Will you love me no matter what happens? Will you always be there to hold me?” The question sunken into a desperate tone crying for attention. Like the bereavement of a cold breeze chilled by the artic snow, Jin’s inquiries ate away at him as if the doubt itself slowly took over his body with the lethality pins and needles had the tendency to inflict upon every fiber that tensed, every muscle that knotted and every cell that combusted into thin air. Jun leveled his gaze with Jin’s own, never guessing to ever be met with a puerile tear that dimmed the guitarist’s auburn hues. “You’re such an idiot.” His smile refrained from causing the pain to tint Jin’s eyes as his fingers smoothed away the hair that obstructed his view. “I’d kill myself before ever letting you go. I’ll be trialed as a murderer before ever letting anyone hurt you again. You’re the center of my world because you’re the only one that can make me happy. You’re the only one that makes me feel like I don’t have to worry about the most stupidest things. You’re the only one that can make me forget how ******** up life was without you.” Promises and devoted proclamations sealed with a kiss, Jun pulling, yanking and anxiously drawing him into an ensnarement relieving them both of the doubts they placed upon one another for the hopeless and meaningless hours they grew apart.

                                    But between the enchantment of lips that allowed them the closeness they desired, something felt funny about the kiss sending dull giggles between them.

                                    “Stop hiding your goddamn smile away from me damn it.” The blond, so tense and rambunctious in his own little way, bit his bottom lip in an attempt to suppress the smile that tugged ruthlessly, and ever so determinately at the very corners of his mouth urging him to chuckle at the awkward way their lips mended whenever Jin tried to stop himself from smiling. “I’m not.” It wasn’t lying if he was in denial, now was it? “My a**. I can tell when you are,” Jun confidently claimed with a pinch of Jin’s cheeks. “ What the ********. You better smile right now or I’ll force it out of you.” Jin sucked in his lips within seconds, pushing them far along his inner-gum line as much as possible in order to defy the blond who was concealing his own bout of laughter. “Ahrm Nort Harding it.”

                                    “You are hiding it. You little b*****d.” After all these years, one would’ve assumed Jin knew the punishment for lying and for that, would’ve took heed of the consequences ahead of him. But instead, he continued on, keeping lips hidden away from the little fire breathing dragon in front of him. “ You know what I’m going to do right?” An impish smirk so daring and ever so threateningly moved in closer, Jin laying his face in stone with an unyielding stare that fought and repented the miniscule grin from resurfacing.

                                    Jun would pin down his broad shoulders then, back him up against the mirror thereafter and pursued the act that would make Jin squirm, and yet, much to his resistance, the brave guitarist didn’t dare to flinch, didn’t dare to set himself free from his capture because when Jun took charge of the situation, he really (and I mean really) took charge as lips brushed against his ear. It wasn’t a kiss, wasn’t a peck nor was it even a n**, but instead, it was a light wisp of air that blew against the lobe of his ear, tickling the hyper-sensitive spot there as the torturous sensation instinctively bent Jin’s head off to the side in a failed attempt to evade his advances. As strange and as childish as it all was, Jun had never forgotten how the warmth of another’s breath intentionally and playfully pressing against his ear made Jin squirm and fight back the laughs that pitted at the very hallow of his chest. What was once so empty filled with some form of glee that wasn’t actually genuine happiness, but it might as well have been when Jun continued on, and the once saddened male doubled-over at his side, falling, grinning and chuckling like he must have done all those joyful years ago. “There it is.”

                                    The smile and the way eyes crinkled at the corners in pure, undulated joy was what Jun rooted and waited for. It was there, with Jin’s hair fanned out like a halo upon the mahogany floor and the way Jun had a personal bird’s eye view as he straddled Jin’s waist was like a little piece of perfection Jun wanted nothing more but to seal up and capture for a life time. “You want me to do it again?” It was more like another threat than an inquiry, and to that, Jin, with his little smile in place, shook his head silently, still trying his hardest to bite away at that grin for one reason or another that was as insignificant as the effort to do so. “Then keep smiling…or at least try to. If not for you, then you better ******** do it for me.” As stingy as it was, Jin could tell when Jun was joking with the added curse finding its way into the request that sought nothing more than his happiness. It was what they needed, what they ever really tried so hard to obtain, and maybe that was the reason why Jin forgot about telling Jun the truth as they stayed in that blissful moment for as long as it could last.

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                                    Eventually, Jun trailed back between Jin’s legs and began sewing again, keeping a steady hand and a careful eye out for the littlest details as stitch after stitch was applied. Jin had also kept his attention on Jun’s work, watching as the very point of the needle punctured through one spot after another. “We should go the aquarium together…just you and me. Not Yeongsu, not Kazuma, and especially not that dumbass Ryo.” Jun was careful to keep the subject of a certain someone out of Jin’s head. He’d continue with talking about various fishes and sharks to do so, moving the conversation along to the many different kinds of foods to choose from (because apparently that was one of Jin’s favorite topics), before finally going over some open dates that didn’t conflict with Al[tria]’s busy schedule. “It should be fun. I mean s**t, it better be for the admission fee they charge, but that’s not a big deal.” Jin thought about it for a second, because it only ever took a mere second for Jin to agree with an approving nod of his head. “Is there polar bears?” Jun chuckled a bit, tilting his head back in order to meet Jin’s gaze. “Out of all the fishes and all the other s**t you can see at an aquarium, you want to see a polar bear?”

                                    “They’re really…” he paused in thought. “They’re nice.”

                                    “You mean cool.” Jun offered, directing his attention back on his work. “You like polar bears to?”

                                    “No, I was giving you another way to describe them. Saying stuff like ‘they’re nice’ is like something Yeongsu would say.” But Jin didn’t understand. “So it’s a good thing?”

                                    “Sounding like Yeongsu isn’t a good thing. He’s a ******** nerd who’s annoyingly proper and s**t. You don’t want to stoop to his level. If you do that, you’ll find someone like Key and really, I don’t think you want that.” Because who would ever want a nasally sounding, attention-seeking, no-good diva whose closet filled with all the clothes and brands Jun wanted to steal from right under his nose.

                                    It was a matter of ignoring the self-centered, weeding out the overtly demanding, and discarding the arrogant, the pretentious and pompous, as well as everyone and anyone who deemed themselves worthy of Jin’s presence. “You know what you need.” Jin hadn’t a clue of what Jun was getting at with the sudden switch in topics. Jun would look up at him, staring intently for what seemed to be the unnecessary minutes it took for him to observe, to analyze and to come up with a consensus that was absurd, but fairly close to perfection that would make them both happy. “I don’t give a damn if it’s a guy or a girl, but I want someone who’d be willing to drop everything for you like I did. I want someone for you who won’t make you cry anymore, who’ll just ******** love you unconditionally and all that s**t. You know what I mean right?”

                                    “But it’s hard to tell the difference.” Jun expressed his confusion with a raised brow. “Tell the difference of what? You don’t need to tell the difference. When the right person comes along for you, I’ll know and I’ll point it out. It won’t be so ******** hard, trust me.”

                                    “But we made a promise that-”

                                    “Promises are still there. It’s just that, when I give the approval, that’s when you don’t need to worry anymore. That’s when you can be with someone that won’t make me so ******** crazy. It’s when you can be happy with people other than myself and maybe Yeongsu. It’s practically when I let you go. Why did that phrase spread the miasmic clouds of fear throughout the cavities of a heart that made it so much more harder to breathe? Jin didn’t want to let Jun go nor did he want Jun to find a reason to walk away from him. The thought made that pang of fear jolt from one place to another, eating away at his confidence with arms that tightened around his waist and a face filled with sorrow sinking into the golden strands of Jun’s hair. “But I don’t want you to go anywhere. Please don’t go Jun. I thought you don‘t need anyone but me.” The blonde chuckled and turned into the features he leaned closely into, the touch of their foreheads keeping his distance from lips that spoke sweet nothings into the very heart of a soul that meant so much to him. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” They had a lovely feel to them. Like the caresses applied with fingers at either side of his face, the profanities oddly attained a sense of security and adoration that only could ever be conveyed when Jun said them so softly and calmly as he did. “Didn’t I say you’re the center of my world like ******** minutes ago? Jeez,” Jun rolled his eyes, smiling even as he did so in order to keep the tears from falling. “Just understand that I won’t have anyone but you. But it doesn’t mean it’s the same when it comes to eye sores that try to get into your life without my permission.”

                                    AKA: Soyoung.

                                    Jun was still pissed about that certain eye sore who refused to acknowledge his place in a world where only Jun and Jin ever existed in. There was no one else, no one who remotely deserved a place that was rightfully Jun’s to claim as his and his alone. So he played into guilt-tripping with a realization that, no matter what he said or did, Soyoung would never belong. “When people come into your life, where do I fit in? It only means I have to let you go, doesn’t it? It’s what you want, right?” Jin shook is head from one side to the next, denying everything Jun said, trying as hard as he could to get it out of his head because it wasn’t true, it wasn’t what he wanted, and it never was a thought that ever came to mind. It really and truly wasn‘t what he desired! “All I want is for everything to be right. I want you to smile, I want you to laugh again, I want the anger to stop and I want you to stay here with me. All I want is to be loved, to feel loved, and for you to forgive me no matter what I do, what I say, whatever that makes me so bad because I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone or make you so upset because I love you Jun and I don’t want you to ignore me anymore. I don’t want you to feel insecure anymore. I want everything to go back to the way things were when I remembered everything. Where did this all come from? All the talk of insecurities and wanting him to be happy left Jun with untamable mounds of grief, a truck load of heartache and a impermissible void of regret that invaded his system when a cold stream formed by isolation, and influenced by remorse dragged wetly at the crook of his neck. It was like the world was crashing down into a million irretrievable pieces, each fragile strip cracking and snapping, breaking and splitting piece by piece around them, and all Jun could do to fix it, all he could say to stop the clouds from raining overhead was absolutely nothing. Because what he heard and what truth laid behind Jin’s every word ensnared each breath, and each beat of the heart into a dull, numbing habit that mechanized; for mind, body and soul couldn’t correlate nor bring himself to care about life itself when the center of his world poured the entity of his grief over his shoulder.

                                    In times like this where there was nothing else to say, Jun could only hold him and wish to whatever being that watch over them would take his life just so Jin could stop crying.

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                                    “I want to make you happy Jin.”

                                    “You do make me happy. You’re here.”

                                    “Something more than that Jin. You’ll always have me here, but whatever else I can do to make you happy, just tell me. Tell me everything and anything, and I’ll try my damn hardest to do it.” Before he could even begin to think of anything he desired other than Jun’s comfort, the blond suddenly pulled back from their embrace and tried to brighten up with a smile, his eyes sparked with an energy as if he just realized something. “Just wait here alright. I need to get something,” he said, already starting towards the door. “I swear, if you ******** move an inch, I’ll blow in your goddamn ear again.” The warning glued Jin in place and Jun left as silence overcame him in an atmosphere filled with time to think about what exactly would make him happy. He already had friends who loved him, a family who protected him, and those selected few who watched over him despite his reluctance to accept them...which then bloomed into something more real, more tangible to the touch and more suitable than he ever thought possible. It was then that he knew of one other thing that would make him happy.

                                    Jun arrived with an object hidden behind his back, it’s bulky figure revealing itself at its corners due to Jun’s slender physique. “Don’t get your hopes up and think I’m spoiling you or anything. It’s not a gift.” And here he thought he was getting an early birthday present even though in all truth, a gift really was the last thing he expected because truth be told, he wasn’t the type who favored presents. He personally thought it was an inconvenience for the gift-giver who went through a long process of thinking about what he wanted, going out and buying what he wanted and then wrapping it to only find its pieces torn up for its unveillance. Jin, just like Yeongsu, didn’t see the sense in receiving gifts, but it didn’t stop Jun and the others from shopping a month before his birthday to retrieve them. Just when Jin was about to be let down by a box wrapped up in a bow, he was instead surprised and slightly enthused by the sight of his little spider crawling around in its cage. “Lil Jun.”

                                    The utterance of such a name caused the original possessor to grimace in full displeasure. “What the hell. You are not ******** calling him that. I told you, I’m going to stomp on the lil b*****d if you call him that.” Jin’s somber expression sunken into a saddening display that lowered his gaze to the floor. He kept himself quiet, twiddling and twirling a finger around a loose thread at the hem of his pant leg as he did so. “Be sad all you want. Cry if you need to. You’re not calling it that.” But when the fake trails of tears came, Jun had easily succumbed in seconds time. “Does this place look like a drama set to you? Do you have a ******** script in your hand that says ‘cry your eyes out ‘cuz you didn’t get what you want’?” Jun sighed, rubbing at his temple to relieve his stress. “Whatever. Call him whatever you want. Just take him out of its box. Ayako didn’t want to touch it so I think it needs to stretch.” And Jin instantly provided the means for it to do just that. With legs stretching out and gripping instinctively at Jin’s hand, Lil Jun eagerly made its way up his arm, across his shoulders, and explored along the smooth plain of his face until finally settling himself atop his head. Lil Jun and Jungbae shared that of the same traits because while his spider perched itself between locks of hair as if marking his territory, Jun did that of the same thing, the boy crawling to Jin’s lap and positioning his head back upon his thigh.

                                    As Jun made sure the little demon upon the other’s head wasn’t going to move in the slightest, Jin looked down at the caution portrayed in his eyes, while fingers served as a coaxing device to calm him down, hands streaming, combing and racking through Jun’s hair. “I want you to be a great teacher.” The request uprooted a scrutinizing and contradicting gaze that clearly showed his displeasure of the direction their conversation was going at. “Can you teach him how to breakdance?”

                                    “No.” It was direct and to the point. There was no use in trying to change his mind because discussing the matter would go nowhere. “But Jun -”

                                    “But nothing. I’m not going to deal with him. He’s capable of doing it himself. He didn’t ask me for help and so why should I offer it.” But it wasn’t like Jun gave Soyoung a chance to receive the help he direly required. It was only the first day of the ‘competition’ after all. “You asked me what else would make me happy. I want you to be a good teacher. It’ll make me happy.” Jun clicked his tongue in disapproval. “I want to make you happy, not him. Seriously, what the ******** will you gain by me mentoring that fool?” Jin shrugged. He knew he’d be gaining and maintaining a friendship without love, but was that really enough to convince Jun to be the kind and generous person Jin thought him out to be. “You’re a good person Jun. Other people don’t think so,” because he remembered the hurtful claims Rae said back in the hall, and who really knew what else he thought about Jun and the rest of Al[tria] who treated Soyoung in a manner that was displeasing to the other’s eyes. “But I know you’re a good person, you’re kind and that you’re caring. I want other people to see that because you deserve that.” Jun couldn’t quite look him in the eye. He was use to Jin talking in that manner, always telling him how considerate Jun was regarding other people’s feelings and all that other bullshit that made him regret any action that proved otherwise. But it wasn’t like he cared. It didn’t matter what the world thought of him because what truly mattered was everything that ran through Jin’s head. “I deserve nothing.”

                                    He highly doubted that because claiming such a thing was absolutely absurd when he experienced every little gesture that made Jun the person Jin believed him to be. Now that he thought about it, the statement couldn’t be a belief because Jin knew, good and well, Jungbae was filled with a kindness people never took the time to see. First impressions tend to plaster him with an image that was unlike anything Jun really was, and as such, it was hard to diminish such lasting impressions when everyone was convinced Jun was a b***h, a b*****d, an a** and whatever other people said to his face or behind his back. They just didn’t understand him like Jin did. “It would make you happy…truly and entirely happy…if I was a good mentor?” he asked after a moment of long, drawled out silence.

                                    Jin nodded his head in response and the blonde hated so much how that little smile of his could turn him into a puss who abided to his every command. It was a damn weakness he couldn’t prevail over, a weakness that tamed the wild beast within and a weakness he was oddly proud of. But as soon as Jin’s phone beckoned for his attention, Jun was on high alert, watching the stoic expression and following each turn of Jin’s eyes roving over the characters before him, until impatient finger pried the device out of his hands. “Disgusting. Why do you have this b***h’s number?” Why did it seem such a surprise to him when he was aware they apparently exchanged contacts by the other text he saw back at the beach. It should’ve been worded different. Maybe it should’ve been spoken with a claim of: ‘Why do you still have this b***h’s number?’. But what was the sense in wasting his breath? Why speak when he could text an offensive ◣ 조용히하라 ◥. Or perhaps he should have added more curses before he sent it? Well…it didn’t really matter since there was no way in going back and he was pretty sure a blunt ‘shut up’ would already suffice.

                                    Malevolency overcame him so fast, there was no way in reverting Jun’s malicious ways and the smirk accentuating every single repugnant thought that crossed his mind. Jun began another text, but before it traveled through cyber space, Jin, as respectably as ever, placed it back into the darkened void of his pocket and, much to Jun’s surprise, began pulling him off of the floor. His spider shuffled a bit from side to side, adjusting to the movements that began when Jin led the refuting blond out the door and through one corridor after the next. “Where the ******** are you taking me?! YAH!! Answer me!” He could’ve pulled out of his grasp, could’ve stopped Jin in place and give him a piece of his mind, but Jun decided against it because by doing so would hurt his feelings and the last thing he wanted was for Jin to break down in tears. So he kept his head above water for once as he tried his best to monitor his actions, his words and especially his use in derogatory slurs. But as soon as Jin managed to find the destination he was looking for, after covering what seemed like the entire perimeter of the building, Jun wanted to literally explode when he saw the p***k who cut and styled his hair.

                                    What the ******** was going on!!!!!?!

                                    Having been the last one to enter the room, Jun had the opportunity in slamming the door with the objective of catching everyone’s attention. But of course, he made sure he did it with a ‘calming’ smile when Jin turned his way. “I’m not upset,” he assured with a relatively awkward lilt in his voice. “I mean, s**t, even though he’s practically spitting in my face with that cut, I’m not mad at all.” Floating on cloud nine: that was how he felt under the mask painted and etched into a grin he only ever displayed for his fans.

                                    After releasing Jin’s hand and collecting himself long enough to keep the act going throughout his walk toward Soyoung, Jun dropped his smile once his face was out of view. “He must have forgotten that I was in charge of every aspect of Al[tria]’s image when it comes to stage presence, hair and wardrobe of not only the band, but its dancers as well.” They were under a contract, under Jun’s reign when it came to their appearance and it was their job to let him know how short was too short or if what Jun had prepared for them, way before hand, involved layers or any kind of fringing that suited the perfectionist’s taste.

                                    Jun was all about the littlest, most insignificant details and having Soyoung carelessly, and arrogantly altering what he was in charge of was like defying the devil himself. Sure, he could re-color it; and yes he could add extensions if he needed to. But what if he didn’t want to? What if that was too much work? What if reconstructing him took too much of his precious time that could be best spent somewhere else? “It must have slipped his mind, right Jin.” Jun threw a smile over his shoulder, making sure in wiping it clean once he reverted his eyes back to the little ******** who still insisted on crossing boundaries when he was already in deep to his neck with s**t.

                                    Before coming up with another series of ‘understanding’ things to say, Jun began walking and observing the haircut like a shark circling its prey. “How amateurish; side-swept bangs with added layers in a few places that doesn’t suit the style in the slightest. What a joke.” He shook his head with a roll of his eyes. “I guess you’re already preparing to leave? Is that it? Is that why you didn’t have the balls to call me for a confirmation? Because I’m sure that the itinerary you received the first day you signed your contract had everyone’s phone numbers listed if you so happen to have any questions. I don’t think it’s that hard, is it? Hakkun wanted to cut his hair short, he called me. Lina wanted bangs weeks ago, she came to me herself, preached about s**t she wanted to do, and I ended up cutting them for her, as ******** annoying as that was, but still, she informed me. So I‘m not sure what‘s so hard about ******** telling me if you‘re going to interfere with what I‘m in charge of. Is it really that difficult?” He swiftly raised a hand to silence any excuse or reply that would’ve only irritated far more than he already was. “Never mind. Don’t even answer that. Because maybe you just consider yourself a special case.” Once again his eyes rolled in irritation as he sauntered back to Jin’s side. “He’ll be doing a whole different choreography while we’re on stage before you know it.” He was about ready to head out the door before an arm extended out and obstructed his only way out of the hell hole he put himself in.

                                    There was no words said, nothing that would verbally prevent him from walking right out of that door, but that drab color that tinted Jin’s eyes, and the frown disappointingly dropping further and further down into the depths of misery stopped him from going on any further. Jun let out an aggravated sigh with a forceful turn of his heels, the infuriated blond leaning back into Jin’s chest because it was the little thing he needed to remind him why he would stoop so low as to ask a question he didn’t want to ask. “I guess mistakes happen. And I’m fine with that,” he practically said through gritting teeth. “While I’m here, I might as well ask if you need help with anything?” Oh god! Where was the acid to wash his mouth out when he needed it?! Jun nearly wanted to shoot himself, nearly wanted to tie up a noose and hang himself right there and then, but after looking up at Jin’s faint grin, he thought all that Jin put him through was worth the agony.

                                    Because maybe Soyoung would deny his offer?

                                      Maybe he’ll see through the façade and take the hint?


                                        Maybe, if he was lucky, the outcome won’t turn out so bad.


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                                                "I can't believe Jun actually let you change your hair, dude," Rae expressed with risen brows. But Soyoung just sat down next to him, crossing his legs Indian style, and looked at him in mild concern. "Well...He doesn't know yet." Rae remainded silent for a moment as staring eyes blinked in Soyoung's direction. "Dude you know we're supposed to get permission for those kinds of things...I mean come on. Even clueless I know that..." And Soyoung could only stare back with the same blinking rhythm. "I thought it was okay if it wasn't a drastic change. It was only a trim with a bit more layering...and it's slightly lighter...I can dye it back if he wants me to." Rae laughed with that hint of incredulity in its pitches. "I think with Jun, it'll be the principle of the thing. Bro, you're gonna be in so much s**t." And he couldn't help but to laugh as Soyoung sighed noisily. "Maybe he'll understand if it was for CT..." "Pfffft~ Doubt it."

                                                Soyoung puffed out his cheeks as a tank of air leaked from his lips in nervous exasperation before his head fell upon Rae's shoulder. "I suck at life," he frankly mentioned. But Rae just chuckled once more with a swig of hit water bottle, letting out a hiss of air after a satisfying gulp. "Well lets put the hair ordeal aside. How was the whole modeling experience?" "Weird." It took no time at all for him to provide a simple answer that accurately summed the entire thing up. "Really, really, really weird." Why not add that last bit for emphasis? Soyoung remained with his forehead upon the edge of Rae's shoulder, auburn strands only slightly hiding his distraught features on the side. "How so?" But did Soyoung want to talk about it? Did he want to chance Rae laughing at him again? He just remained silent long enough that Rae became serious as the realization washed through him that maybe everything went really bad. "Soh? Is everything okay? Did something bad happen?" "Wuh?" he responded in alarm as his head shot up and he sat upright. "No, no. I-It was a nice experience a-and my portfolio turned out alright, actually." He had made Rae worry enough about him and so he had to make it clear that things were going fine.

                                                But Rae just stared back with brows screwed in a way that wrinkled his lower forehead the way it usually did when he found that he didn't understand something. "Then why are you stuttering and acting all weird? Are you telling me the truth right now?" Soyoung's lips hung open in a moment to think. Maybe it'd be a good thing to tell Rae about everything. Maybe his more dominant male nature could give him insight on what he should do. "Y-Yes I'm telling you the truth. It's just that...something...happened today that had never happened to me before..." And Soyoung's nostrils flared as lips squooshed in his nervousness of the subject that Rae was still being clueless about. "Well...yeah. It's your first day as a model, isn't it?" Soyoung sighed once more. "No that's not what I mean, I...I mean something way different..." And a silence filtered through as Rae stared with a dumb expression, expecting Soyoung to just be out with it. "...Okayy... Well are you going to tell me what that is?"

                                                Soyoung's eyes darted up to meet his as brows steepled in worriment as the mere thought of mentioning it all made him feel so terribly nervous. "I...I got...I got asked out on a date..." And those same terrified eyes kept staring at Rae as the spiky-haired boy competed with a staredown that lasted for a few seconds before nasal, stifled, noises of holding back laughter sounded from his nose before letting out a reel of true laughter. "You acted like you were going to tell me you were bailed out of jail for something. What the hell, man?" Rae shook his head to laugh for longer as Soyoung once again flared his nostrils, but this time in aggravation. He knew Rae would laugh at him But once the giggles subsided, Rae was able to huff out some smiley words. "But seriously, dude. That's great. But how is that the first time? You've dated before." "But...not like that! I've only had two boyfriends in my life! With Kibum, we were friends beforehand and would just go hang out as friends and we just became official...boyfriends after a while of that...And then my second boyfriend Dokeun wanted us to be kept secret. I've...I've never had someone just...ask me out on a date out of the blue before. And after only having met him for the first time, at that..." "Ahhh, I get it." Rae nodded in an understanding.

                                                "H-How do I know..." he began nervously, "...that he's genuinely interested in me. How do I know he's not one of those guys that just tries to date everyone he can?" Rae shrugged. "I dunno...Are you saying this guy just randomly walked up to you and asked you on a date? Did you two really talk at all?" "N-No...It wasn't like that...We did talk." A few minutes went on of Soyoung explaining to the best of his abilities the whole thing that occurred between him and the exuberant young man with a million dollar smile. "Err...Well...So far he's not sounding too bad. I mean you two apparently talked for a few hours...Found out yall had things in common...He helped you make a successful shoot...Then asks you on a date...he might just genuinely be interested because you're cute and you have things in common with him." Such a way of speaking was a way Rae often spoke with female friends of his when they went to him for boy advice, which he often was the one targeted for such talk. But Soyoung was still taken aback by the comment but let it slide as Rae continued. "But at the same time...hmmm....you did say that you told him you might not be in Japan for much longer...and he still wanted to go on a date. Now it's either he's a one-in-a-million gentlemanly guy who really just wants to go on a date with you...Or he's hoping to get some a** at the end of the date and never see you again after you leave the country."

                                                The blunt brashness of the comment widened Soyoung's eyes in a way Rae definitely noticed. "I'm just being honest. Too many guys are just like that. He might be one of those guys that wants to sleep with someone with rising popularity. So that if you become big some day, he can tell people 'I slept with that guy'." Of course Soyoung was slightly aware of the possibility of such a thing, though the thought didn't process prominently in his mind simply due to his whirling thoughts and general anxiety of the whole situation. "B-But I would never do that! N-Not on a first date, that is!" Rae wrinkled his nose and let out another nasal chortle. "Good to know. Well then think of it this way: Go on the date with him and if he tries anything, just say no and whether he calls again will be proof of whether his intentions were to be with you or to just sleep with you." Soyoung's expression turned to one of alert. "But if he tries anything, wouldn't that be proof in itself that he's not interested in me? Just wanted...that. Would it mean he's a bad guy?" But it was Rae's turn to appear sheepish as it seemed his heart was sawed open by rusty butterknife. But Rae was good at at least trying to cover up any offense that he felt by the twisted smile that curled his lips but did not take away from the wince Soyoung saw in the guy's eyes. "Oh come on, man," Rae said in an attempt of recovery. "Just 'cus he might want sex doesn't mean he's not actually into you or that he's a 'bad guy'. I-I mean...Come on give us guys a break, ya know? Do you think I'm a 'bad guy' because I've gone all the way on first dates before?..." A few times, actually.... And he remembered times that Soyoung had called him a perv or frowned upon his needless attempts at meeting new girls. More than Soyoung was aware, it stung the poor boy. But Soyoung listened as a feeling of conscience brought his features to a serious state. "I mean dude I've never two-timed...I've always been responsible and used protection...and I never pressured a girl if she said she didn't want to....Except for one time when I was drunk but it wasn't so much me pressuring her as it was me hanging all over her and making a fool of myself as I kept saying 'please' like an idiot...I don't remember the experience but one of my buddies was filming it cus they were laughing up a storm watching me beg just to get rejected over and over again..."

                                                The moment of nostalgia caused him to ramble for a moment but once he realized, pursed lips squished to the side in shame. "But anyway, that's beside the point. All I'm saying is that if this Hangook character tries to score with you on a first date and respects that you decline and yet still wants to see you after that...Well, then damn that's a sign that he's different from the others...Or at least I would think so." And Rae couldn't quite hold back the look of slightly pinned brows that mirrored how offended he felt, wondering how much respect Soyoung just lost for him. But Soyoung stared and stared for a long moment as Rae took a sip of his water bottle with (attemptedly hidden) frustration, guzzling down the last bit, placing the empty bottle on the floor next to him, and putting the white plastic cap in between teeth and lips to chew in those awkward moments of silence. But Soyoung saw what he did. He saw a similar look in Rae's face as the one he gave the boy the day before when he snapped at him. Soyoung thought he could hear Rae's timer ticking that would count down to maybe another snap. Was Rae angry? "That..." he began without really knowing what he was going to say. And once again, his head lowered to lean upon Rae's shoulder. "That's not what I meant. I swear." How badly did he mess up this time? "I was more or less just asking, I guess. Just wanting to know your opinion. I promise, Rae. I don't think you're a bad guy. I think you're a great guy. A really great, great guy." Rae's jaw muscles churned as he chewed upon the plastic cap between his teeth and let Soyoung's words sink in for a moment before a cracked a light smile and nudged Soyoung off of his shoulder. "Alright, alright, it's cool. I was just saying that most guys don't have your weird libido." Not once did Rae find that the history on his laptop had been mysteriously erased nor has he seen any drop-down search oddities that would clue him in that Soyoung would be doing the very normal thing of searching for porn on the internet. Not once did Soyoung ever spend far too long in the bathroom. It was just weird It was not the normal behavior of a guy to seem to have the smallest libido in the world. "So you just need to be a little more understanding. Wanting sex does not equal 'bad guy'."

                                                Soyoung looked admonished. "I know, I know...I was just asking...To see what you'd say. I...I feel better about the whole thing. Plus! This is a silly discussion anyway because there's no real reason yet to think that Hangook wants that at all!" "Okay, okay whatever. But I notice something: This whole time you just talk about him like you're more frightened than anything. Do you even like the guy? Are you just going on a date to be nice? 'Cus I'll tell you right now: pity dates are the hugest bruise on a man's ego. We'd rather just be shot down than to actually be pathetic enough to go on a pity date." "No, no. It's not like that. I mean I...It's weird to say I like him when I haven't even known him for 24 hours yet...But...From the amount of time I spent with him today...I really enjoyed his company....He...makes me all nervous and stuff...His smile kind of just...glows...And he's funny..." Soyoung began twisting and pulling at his own nervous fingers as his eyes stared off somewhere unimportant. As Rae watched and listened, he could only feel relieved that Soyoung was finally this way about someone else. Someone who is not Jin. "He's nice...helpful...H-He said he's my number one fan and called me cute..." And there was that blush that finally appeared to heat up Soyoung's pale cheeks. "...a little older...not too tall...charismatic teeth...nice shoulders..." Rae just raised a brow. "Yeah you like 'im." Soyoung's face darted to look shocked at Rae. "You don't have to be so specific on time-spans when it comes to liking a person. If you like someone, you like someone. Especially if you notice weird things like teeth and shoulders..." "But I don't have a reason to like him!" Rae leaned back with an expression of pure disbelief. "Dear god you're harsh, man! You just listed a ton of reasons to like him!" "Those aren't real reasons to like a person. I feel so shallow..." Soyoung bent his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and planted his face upon his arms in sheer shame. But as always, Rae couldn't help it: he had to laugh. "You're so damn weird, man. But maybe it's a good thing. Maybe if my judgments on liking a person were like yours I wouldn't sizzle and fizzle so fast with the girls I try to go out with." But Soyoung remained silent in his despair. "Listen, man," Rae said in a tone of all seriousness, placing his hand upon Soyoung's shoulder. "You're not shallow for it. You're normal for it. Many of the reasons you like him are honorable. You said you both read manga and manhwa, many of which that are the same series, and that you both play video games. Same sense of humor. Stop freaking out. You two are going to go out on the basis that you two have so much in common. Hell! You said you two are going to an arcade, for ******** sake, man. Sounds like you two are gonna have a fun time! There's nothing shallow about feeling a spark for somebody and just seeing where it can go. Come on, man. Stop sulking."

                                                Rae's fingers curved into the shoulder they rested upon and shook Soyoung out of his eggshell. "Alright, fine, fine!" Soyoung expressed as he sent out a hand to the floor so as to not topple over. But he was smiling, that blush remaining ever so light upon his cheeks. "I don't feel so bad anymore...I guess....maybe...I dunno...But I'll go on the date with an open mind. See if this is all the start of something good or not." "There ya go. And if things go well and you go on a second date, you can tell him to invite one of his hot female model friends and all four of us can go on a double date~" Rae wiggled his eyebrows suggestively just to get a look of scrutiny from Soyoung. "Whatever happened to your interest in Kumiko, eh? You're gonna flirt like you did with her just to drop her?" Rae pouted. "I can barely communicate with herrrr~" he said in the whiniest voice Soyoung had ever heard escape Rae's mouth. And the boy just rolled his eyes.

                                                But before he could respond, Jun and Jin entered the room with a slam of the door behind them, popping Rae and Soyoung's attention straight there. What happened from that moment was difficult for Soyoung to comprehend because as Jun went on and on about the boy's hair, Soyoung's mind was trying to determine how things must have gone between Jun and Jin when Jin no doubt confessed. Was he really angry? Was that why he was attacking Soyoung? He watched those facial expressions only given to him and for Rae to see as well, Soyoung's eyes the typical round shape as they peered up at Jun. But at the same time, given that it was only he, Rae, Jinhwa, and Jun in the room, he was shocked at how toned down Jun was being. Perhaps things went rather well, and got the confirmation of such when the male walked back and leaned into Jinhwa's chest. But what really blew Soyoung's whirring mind away was the admittance of mistakes happening...and he was fine with that...

                                                Soyoung could only interpret it as one way: it had a double meaning. Jun truly was on cloud nine because the only thing that could explain his toned down behavior was that Jin confess, explained how remorseful he was, Jun saw that and forgave him with the mentality that "mistakes happen"... Much to Rae's complete surprise, Soyoung was smiling. But how could he not smile when Jun basically just offered to give him help?! Was this the start of a change? Was Jun beginning to accept his relationship with Jinhwa? Sure Jun was making such threatening faces before, but one could not simply expect him to make a complete 360, right? It seemed like a day for starting over. Maybe even a day to celebrate. Jinhwa was healthy, Soyoung's new career had birthed, he had a new person to think about, Jun and Jin were happy, and Jun would teach Soyoung some break dance! Soyoung tried to tame his smile as best as he could, which ended up creating a tight-lipped smile that brought the twinkle to his eyes.

                                                "Y-Yes, actually..." he responded. "I haven't had the chance to start yet so...Anything at all that you can teach me would be appreciated, sunbae." He paused for a moment before finding the bravery to speak again. "I'm honestly sorry about my hair. I didn't know you'd be mad. I-I just thought you didn't want as doing anything drastic. Okimi-noona only trimmed and added a few layers so I didn't think you'd mind. But I'll call you from now on. If you dislike it, I can wear sock hats or hoodies when we perform..." He was just trying to make things better because Jin was actually smiling, however subtle the smile might have been. "Ohh~ But tell them about the good news~" Rae teased, wanting Jin to hear it. He just simply wanted Jin to know that Soyoung would not forever be his little fanboy he could use as he pleased. Even though Rae thought it was pretty honorable of Jin to protect Hunsoo and Rae had a world of respect for him, he just thought this little tidbit needed to be known. Especially if they were going to so rudely stand in that position in front of Soyoung! (As far as Rae was concerned)

                                                Soyoung glanced at Rae with a raised brow. "Good news?" he questioned before sucking in a breath of realization. "Oh!" His face swiftly turned to look at Jinhwa. "They weighed me today. I have gained 5 pounds!" he said in elation. "And it's all thanks to you buying me all that food. I've been eating well every day and now I'm healthier because of it! Kamsahamnida!" and he bent as far as he could in a bow to the man responsible for his healthier state. Rae rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me? That's totally not what I was talking about." Soyoung straightened and met eyes with Rae to realize in that moment of suggestion, Rae was indeed talking about the date. But it wasn't any of anyone's business! "I..." he began looking back in Jin and Jun's direction. "...had a successful shoot today. And now I have a completed starter portfolio until I can build up a new one from various gigs." "Oh god, Soh. You're so weird." Rae rolled his eyes once more and looked at Jin and Jun. "Soyoung's got a ♫daaaaate~♫" he announced in a sing-songy voice, much to Soyoung's humiliation. "Why don't you tell them about it, eh Soyoung?"

                                                But Soyoung was so annoyed at Rae's loud mouth that had no value for a person business they trustingly disclosed to them that he wasn't so ready to comply so easily. "Okay." So with pinned brows, Soyoung turned and looked at the two before them. "Rae, here, finally confessed his undying love for me and now I'm going on a pity date with him." "EEWWwwWWwwWWww!!" Rae crooned screechily as a hand flew to harmlessly shove Soyoung over, who was hysterically laughing, his serious facade completely annihilated by the smile that showed all his teeth as shoulders shook in in his laughter. But hands caught him before he completely hit the floor and he straightened up into an upright sitting position once more, still laughing as Rae whined, "Gross, man! Gross!" Soyoung snapped his face toward Rae, hair sploshing about from the action. "That's what you get for blurting out my business to other people! You embarrass me, I embarrass you!" Rae mimicked a face of defiance, mouthing every word Soyoung said in a caricature of silliness. "Oh! Well I'm sorry," Rae responded in all sarcasm, though also in on the joke his self. "I mean I just thought you'd like to brag that some big shot model dude asked you out on a date but nooooo~ you have to be all mean about it."

                                                But Rae didn't realize how badly he was embarrassing Soyoung whose jaw dropped open in offense. "He's not a big shot model dude! W-Well I mean...I don't know cus I have never kept up with that stuff. But you make me sound so shallow when you say something like that!!" And his hand flew to land a painless slap across Rae's shoulder as the male laughed at his payback. Soyoung turn in Jinhwa's general direction but eyes remained embarrassed on the floor. "It's not a big deal. Just a nice guy I met today that wants to hang out. It's nothing for me to waste time bragging about. I don't even know him really, yet." "Hang out? But you said HE said he likes you and wants a date with y-" Soyoung's palm flew forward to completely cover Rae's mouth and silenced him with such a force that the boy fell back, Soyoung following as another hand covered the other to ensure that Rae couldn't speak. And so there Rae laid upon the floor, eye bugged, grabbing at Soyoung's wrist as the auburn haired boy hovered over him from the side and stayed that way as he looked up at Jun. "I'm sorry to have wasted your time like this. Any time you'd like to begin with the lessons is perfect for me." And no one lifted a finger to help the boy beneath Soyoung's hands who was kicking his feet as nonsensical vocalizations could be heard through his nose.



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                                    How many years had it been since he last trusted someone with not only his heart and the tearful confessions synchronized with it, but also with the embraces that emblemized his vulnerabilities to the fullest extent? How long had it been since he felt safe and comforted by another other than Yeongsu, Jun and the rest of Altria who were always by his side?

                                    Four, maybe five years perhaps?

                                    Did the time matter? Was delving back into his past really worth the effort? It didn‘t seem plausible at first to force himself to think about the queries twisting a knot against his chest. Why bother when thoughts were seemingly going nowhere from there, the wheels in his head cranking in a mechanic, almost unconscious manner as if he was stuck between a fork in the road where deciding between two factors had proven completely useless. Because why think about a mirage of happiness, when tossing aside his defenses and insecurities meant the tendency of it ricocheting back to its rightful place? Thinking that promises wouldn’t be broken and looking past the faults of mankind in hopes for a better tomorrow seemed hopeless, literally meaningless in a sense that he couldn’t believe he set himself up for his own downfall. Jun tried to warn him; shed tears and pleaded for an understanding Jin was quick to refuse because he wanted Soyoung to be different, he wanted everything to be different and wanted so much for his world to change. Trusting another, putting his entire self into a battlefield where disappointment always seemed to plunge a knife right into his back, was a terrifying step forward he conquered for the purpose of wanting a relationship unlike one he had personally created all of his own freewill. A friendship as others called it. Sure, it may have been devoid of love that he experienced with Jun and the others, but it was a relationship nonetheless.

                                    A knot in which such connections are tied by the very fibers he never parted from. With each colorful thread, he was always reminded how Soyoung seemed to be bounded to him as they shared the same exact bracelet tied securely around their wrist. Like the little trinket they both shared, he thought there was always a meaning behind Soyoung’s smile, a defined purpose for each touch that wrapped the boy’s arms around him as if he cared, and as if his words or actions would never hurt him like they did when his fears made themselves known.

                                    Banishing the boastful claims that happily came out of Rae and Soyoung was an objective his mind couldn’t complete because he heard it, processed it, interpreted it as a promise broken in two because leave it to Jun to fully ensure Jin understood the underlying message of it all. He seemed really numb then, the hot breath at his lobe unable to faze him in the slightest when the blond bent Jin down low enough to whisper in his ear. “There’s nothing left for you. There’s no way you’ll fit into his life because look at where it’s got you. You get injured, he gets your time to shine, which then gets him another job and a boyfriend to boot…by just looking at it… that’s some ******** up relationship if you ask me.”

                                    Jin tried to deny it.

                                    He wholeheartedly attempted to ignore what little truth Jun menacingly muttered into his ear, but to no avail, his own bout of uncertainty seemed to fastened at the very root of things so unbearable to conceal. “He’s using you Jin. Can’t you see that?” No! He couldn’t see nor realize anything because it wasn’t true! “ The food, the modeling contract, making you convince me to train his sorry a** when he knows I’d rather see him fail. He made you think he was different when he’s nothing but a liar who will leave you before you even know it. There’s no relationship, no friendship, no other connection because once someone better comes along, he’ll forget you, he’ll toss you aside, and then you’re left battered and defeated by someone who doesn‘t deserve your tears.” Letting it all sink in was a slow and arduous process that started at the lungs and ended at the very core of his heart. It was like he stopped breathing for a second, the lack of oxygen hazing his thoughts in a misted conjoiner of pain and anguish he couldn’t describe, because it had been too long since he felt abandoned and wasted away just like Jun claimed.

                                    Soyoung had never invited him into the building because he didn’t want him there. He didn’t ask Jin to accompany him because what was the use in having him stick around when he was a bother, a nuisance ,and possibly a portrayal of dead weight hanging irritably on Soyoung’s shoulders. Maybe clinging on to him was a mistake. Maybe Jun was right because what could possibly be the reason for someone like Soyoung to stick around when Jin rarely said anything or initiated a conversation that was remotely interesting? What would be the reason for anyone to be around him when he cried 75% of the time, while the rest of his days consisted of putting on an indecipherable mask that held no smiles, no laughter or no other ounce of emotion that didn’t subject to solemnity? There was no good reason for Soyoung to keep his promises when there were others who were more suitable for him, others who would make him smile, others who would make him laugh and enjoy life, unlike Jin who had no clue of what life was really all about.

                                    Aside from physically protecting others, he had not one single attribute that would appeal to those that barely even knew him. So he didn’t understand. He just didn’t understand why Soyoung would go through all that trouble to hurt him - why he would climb through mountains to claw his talons into a heart that was already warned by a past he couldn’t remember, tattered by the lost of a self he couldn’t connect to, and tormented by a betrayal pooling tears in his eyes. The shakes and tremors intensified solely for the purposes of desiring Jun’s comfort, because when his sorrows spilled and his body called for the blonde’s attention, Jin would receive a pleasant tinge of warmth flattening Jun’s palm on the sullen plain of his cheek. He’d lean into the warmth of him, Jun’s face burrowing at the very hallow of his neck. “I’m still here Jin. Like I’ve said many times before, I’ll always be here no matter what… fighting your battles so you don’t have to feel the pain anymore.” The spoken promises were the remnants of a lull softly and tenderly whispered into his ear. It was like such a hopeful pledge sung in the harmonies of a song that played over and over in his head for the purpose of wanting his vows to continue to cycle within him as it never let him go.

                                    But there was still a problem that had the potential to break them apart.

                                    Because he was still so afraid that despite how truthful his proclamations seem to be, Jun would still have a reason to let him go if Yeongsu dared to tell him the truth Jin hadn‘t an ounce of confidence to reveal. There was still secrets to unveil, a number of regrets he couldn’t speak of, for the support he once had was distancing himself from him and without that one solid fixture of encouragement, Jin really was between a rock and a hard place. With no one else to turn to, aside from Yeongsu, who he assumed was far to busy to deal with the problem at hand, there was only darkness that consumed him and the wretched winds of loneliness that paled his features. Stroke after stroke, the fingers that ran through his hair did little to ease his riled thoughts. The tears were as wet as ever, glossed with a misconceived perception of a situation that drove daggers at its respected target, plunging over and over again as his chest gushed out the fine liquid that streaked darkly down his face. Anger was the first thing that wanted so much to take a hold of him, retribution the next in weaving through his ribcage in a swath of betrayal thereafter and yet, Jin felt neither inclined or convinced to accept them.

                                    It was never in his nature to openly welcome such feelings when he knew how much damage they were able to inflict with one single glare. So he’d repress them, direct his gaze in the other direction, his words drowned in the thoughts that subdued him in silence, while concentrating upon the fingers that padded soothingly along the bags of his eyes. “It’s crazy and probably stupid to think people will stick around.” If Rae and Soyoung hadn’t stop their ridiculous banters just yet, then the sound of Jun’s dull and drabbed tone of voice heavily weighing in the air would’ve surely done the trick, as he kept his back toward them and tended to the sorrow that stained Jin’s once brightened features. “Because if they don’t know you, if they don’t want to know you and if they think you’re in the way and refuse to understand you, they’ll most likely turn out to be the little ******** that they are and dump you with a smile.”

                                    It was just like the old days when Jun was a wee little child awkwardly, but liberally protecting the man who was bigger in stature and nearly 3 years older than him. He was small, had little to no knowledge about the tactics in self-defense, but nevertheless, Jun was a fighter with his words and impulsive actions that were always a driving force to be reckoned with. Those traits were the only thing he was proud of, aside from keeping Jin by his side through the twist and turns of life. “In time, you’ll see who they truly are. They’ll change, they’ll go on with their stupid little lives as they leave me to pick up the pieces all over again.” With the last evidence of remorse wiped clean from Jin’s face, Jun, reluctantly enough, turned toward the two who would most likely end up being their own mentors for the many days ahead of them. With eyes arrogantly lidded by a fraction, Jun angled his face slightly to the ceiling, lifting his chin no more than half of a degree that clearly showed the condescending nature of his devious smirk. “As long as everything is oh so ******** perfect with their lives, yours will never matter.” Because it was just like Jin thought, once other’s are happy and their lives become the semblance of perfection, they’ll try to ignore those who’ll most likely dampen their mood. “Because now, Soyoung has everything he wants.” And that’s when Jun’s malevolent features dipped into the ambiance of intense revulsion. “ He has a cushion to fall on, a safety net to depend on and another job, another life, and another person to rely on.” Why didn’t he stop? Why didn’t Jun just stop there and conceal the truth with utter silence? He got the gist of things, understood what was going on so why couldn’t he just move, run, simply turn the other way and forget it all ever happened - forget how unfamiliar fingers twined against his own, forget how confessions covered him in a warmth he had never expected when embraces were shared and he felt as if no matter what he did or said, someone would be there. Why was it easier for him to believe Soyoung was leaving with just a small revelation of a blossoming love that went nowhere for the time being? It was just a date, and really, he didn’t care about the date or the person involved because the resulting factor only ever mattered when it led him silently tearing, silently wishing the thought of him leaving didn’t hurt so much.

                                    Perhaps it was a mixture of the many variables that played out all at once. Overcome with a handful of uncontainable emotions, it was only a matter of time until he hit the zenith point of murderous intentions as his assumptions sought out to slowly kill himself and vaporize all that made him feel so connected with the world. He was scared of losing Jun, scared of losing Soyoung, terrified that his past was really coming back to haunt him with not an ounce of support by his side, and above all that, he was scared of being alone with the lingering aches that stiffened every join in his body. No wonder he couldn’t wrench himself away from where he stood. Yet, he wasn’t sure if it was distinctly because of the pain, or because of the little part of himself that wanted to believe Jun was wrong. Desiring for a confirmation of the sort lingered in his dowered stare, but the air seemed so suffocating, so thick with ashen despair that he couldn’t mutter out a word or lift his gaze from the hand that trailed slowly along the side of his face. Jun twisted his attention back upon Jin and really, it was the only person the guitarist could focus on at that moment. “Let’s go and -”

                                    “You promised.” So lifeless were the words that seemed to escape him like a tumbleweed rolling emptily across the desert sand, lips dried out by the constant air wanly passing through. Despite what went on around him, Jin would always be that kind-hearted being who made sure everyone’s life sit upon a cloud of ease, while he hit rock bottom along the way. As much as he cringed at the thought of staying, Jun had no other choice but to give in. He had to set an example for the fool who had seemed to not only broken whatever promise they made to pieces, but also destroyed his heart in the process as well. “Find Kazuma and I’ll take care of everything from here, kay?” But he wouldn’t have it. Jin tangled his fingers at the hem of Jun’s shirt, clearly indicating he wasn’t going anywhere, which was fine with him because Jun doubted after all that was said, Soyoung would have the right mind to dismiss his offer. Unless he was that stupid. “Maybe I was mistaken, but did you really want me to train you?” And as life seemed to still for a moment, Jin thought of the many reasons why he truly stayed in place.

                                    He stayed for the reasons that everything could possibly be a lie.

                                    I noticed people get tired of other people really fast. They think they care about them for one minute, and the next second its an entirely different story, which ‘caring’ made me alone and more broken than I ever was before.

                                    The truth was what hurt him the most and realizing it will never change was something he couldn’t withstand.

                                    ‘So then you're saying that you want me to be overbearing?’

                                    Wasn’t it obvious?

                                    ‘To not give you any space? Because I can do that. Easily.’

                                    Wasn’t that practically a promise Soyoung was supposed to fulfill?

                                    ‘Sooner or later you’ll go away and I’ll hate you. I won’t ever forgive you like I never forgave the others. It’s the truth, and I was trying to save myself from feeling that way again.’

                                    But he stayed to experience ever twinge and twist of the heart because if he left right there and then, he knew nothing would be resolve, he’d only know he was right from the very beginning and for all it was worth, he’d attend Lina’s masses every chance he could to make it all some false pretense that’ll never come true. He hoped it was just some misunderstanding, that Soyoung would always be there because that’s what he promised and that was all Jin prayed for.

                                    ‘I'll be by your side the whole time.’

                                    Why did it seem hard to believe? Why would Soyoung waste his time with someone like him? Why was everything so difficult to bare?

                                    ‘You see all the bad when...we see so much good...Makes us want...to be...around...you…’

                                    Even as those words shrilled soothingly in his ear, he wasn’t sure of the reason why everything was so out of control, but maybe it was because he insisted on staying in that room. Maybe it was how he seemed to be like silly putty in the hands of those he trusted so much that the pain was unrelenting. Maybe when things seem too hard to believe, there will always remain that lingering belief that something bad will happen and perhaps this was what waited for him at the end of the tunnel.

                                    But it never made sense, none of it ever did because why would someone like Soyoung hurt another when they had their own scars to bare?

                                    It just couldn’t be possible when Soyoung did everything he could to make Jin smile.


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                                                It was just an awkward subject to be blurted out so carelessly. It wasn't like Soyoung planned on keeping it a secret from Jinhwa in the first place, because why in the world would he feel so inclined to hide something like that from someone who was supposed to be his friend? But how he was hoping to give the weird but oddly exciting news was one on one with Jinhwa after Soyoung asked him how everything went. After he told him how happy he was that everything was okay between he and Jun. After he told Jin he was so glad he was healthy. After he told Jin he gained five pounds with a big smile. After he told him his advice for talking to Hiromasa-san worked wonders and he was ever so appreciative. After, after, after! It would be the least important thing on his list because Jin was far closer to Soyoung than this fellow he only met that day. The way Soyoung had envisioned it was that after all the congratulations and thank yous were expressed, he'd drop in the news that he had a date and was weirdly excited about it. In Soyoung's mind, he had imagined Jin smiling in that soft way he managed when he was in a good mood and things were going right, and he'd tell Soyoung he was happy for him and add something like a "good luck" along with it.

                                                Basically...

                                                Rae ruined that.

                                                But Soyoung noticed something when he looked up and saw the look on Jin's face as the male looked anywhere but at him. Maybe he never would have gotten that happy reaction anyway? He didn't understand and he looked up with lost eyes as he watched Jun whisper to the male, Jin's features growing more and more downtrodden. And Soyoung found that he understood less and less in the world every second that passed. He wasn't paying attention to his grip upon Rae any longer and so the boy held captive was able to break free with a red handprint over his mouth, spreading over to his cheeks however small due to the short, skinny fingers that were so determined not to let another word out of the loudmouth. Rae sat up, saw the same thing Soyoung witnessed himself but instead of growing confused and shocked like his buddy, he grew to be pretty pissed. Because apparently Jun was too good to mention a congratulations to Soyoung and Jin had some other weird issue Rae could only begin to assume about. "Look at them," Rae said softly with a scowl. "So ******** weird. And I don't mean weird in the good way. I mean the bad way....Oh my god are you serious? He's actually ******** crying right now? Did he just realize his blanky's missing?"

                                                "Jinhwa?" Soyoung softly called out with eyes wide as the horizon sun only to remain unheeded due to the tears that seemed to be blurring the male's vision. There was some kind of clot or blockage keeping any context clues or hints from reaching Soyoung's mind to figure out why Jin was crying or what Jun was saying to the male because anyone looking at the auburn haired boy would only find bewilderment in stricken features. But the only person to see such features seemed to be Rae, who let out a sharp "Tch," at the sight. Not because he thought anything wrong of Soyoung to be so afflicted by what he saw, but because he was utterly infuriated that the man who sought some form of comfort in Soyoung's bed only the night before was the weakling to cause Soyoung that affliction.

                                                It didn't take long before Jun began to speak for them to hear, the spite ever so obvious in the manner of words and tone. The claims and judgments only bumped Soyoung's head to the side as he looked up at the belittling blonde with a tilted face that tried so hard to understand everything he said. Still, the context clues made no sense in regards to anything that had ever happened between he and Jin. He felt like he was reliving 3 AM that morning with Yeongsu because once again he was lost in a sandstorm of something that went far past his recently lightened head. Jun had tried to leave and the only light in the dark was how Jinhwa actually mentioned some kind of promise that kept Jun's feet planted where they were. Regardless of Jin's pain, regardless of how Soyoung unknowingly struck him with grief, the guitarist still wanted Soyoung to get the training he needed. It only caused Soyoung to stared up at the male in his lost state, almost ignoring Jun's last question.

                                                But eyes had to lullingly travel to the side to look upon the scrutinizing Jun, his question in mind but his previous claims overpowering Soyoung's thoughts. "I don't have everything I want..." he said softly. "If I don't make it to remain hired as your dancer, I'll be wrenched away from Rae and Jin. If I get to keep my job, I'll be one step closer to having everything I want but I'll still be a long way away from that..." It was only the truth and he expressed it as calmly as he could. "I-I'm trying to figure out how anything I just said should have expressed that Jin doesn't matter to me...I-I mean...Rae thought all of my news was great to hear so I'm really confused right now..." Rae shrugged his shoulders as he chewed on the bottle cap that had been hidden in his cheeks. "Yeah I don't really get it either, he claimed in a nonchalant voice. "I mean I know you don't like him, Jun, but isn't Jin supposed to be his friend or something? What the hell, Jin-man? Why do you cry when Soyoung tells you good things happened to him? What? You want him to be sad all the time or something? Me and Soh, here, are really in the dark right now, man." Soyoung lightly hit Rae on the shoulder. "That wouldn't be it, Rae. Just..."

                                                The corners of Soyoung's lips twitched as he let out a soft sigh, feeling so defeated, and realized that nothing would be learned if he didn't just ask Jin about what was bothering him. So he sighed and stood to walk over to the side where Jin stood, not caring that Jun was right in front of him and basically lethal. "I'm not going to understand what's wrong if you don't talk to me," Soyoung informed softly as eyes looked up into those that were shrouded in a salty wetness. "I don't have the ability to instantly understand like Jun does because I haven't known you for as long. I hope to get to that point someday but I'm not there yet, unfortunately...Jinhwa?" His head leaned in just a tad eyes brows knitted in his concern. "What's wrong?" Silence. "Please let me know." Silence.

                                                "I know what's wrong," Rae announced in a tired exhale of air as he pushed himself up from the floor and walked over to his things and began gathering them together. "What's wrong is that we have a limited amount of time to learn our skills and come up with a routine before the eliminations and here we all are hanging around like a bunch of mopey saps." He put his laptop in its case and pulled a silver cd out of its sleeve. "So you know what? We should really get down to business. They wanna hang around us just as much as a cat in a dog house so lets get to work, eh?" He waltzed on over to Soyoung's side and slipped the cd into his hand. "I burned a copy of those three Yuya songs for you so just use the boombox in the corner. Jin and I have a date c-surfing with Epik High." Rae was just willingly being a jackass. He knew good and well that his task was talking "c-walking" but the annoyance of the situation was too much to not slip in an unappreciated joke. Soyoung slowly looked down at the cd before looking back up into Jin's eyes with the pain of rejection in his gaze. Why wouldn't Jin just answer him? "Well, come on Jin-man. You don't want Soyoung to be sent back to Seoul, do ya? Let him get some training in." And he wrapped a fakely "buddy" arm around Jin's shoulders as he gave him hefty man-pats upon his back and guided Jin toward the door. Of course he didn't expect Jin appreciated the gesture, which was why he let his arm back down to the side as they both walked. "See ya later, Soh. Beef shabu shabu tonight, okay? I'll help make. I got a few bucks left over from what my dad sent me so I'll grab the missing ingredients on the way to the hotel." And he sent a flick of his fingers from his head as a quick farewell in Soyoung's way and the boy just watched in utter terror as they got closer to the door. Was it a good idea to let Rae be alone with Jinhwa right now? "Oh...Okay...Thanks for the cd...Jinhwa? I'll talk to you later."

                                                And they were out.

                                                Soyoung was a mouse left with a lion and yet his eyes remained glued upon the door as he clutched the sleeved cd near his chest like it was a goodbye token. He just wanted to understand how things could have gone so wrong when Soyoung was there for Jinhwa last night, so adamant as to share his bed with him, and didn't take a moment's time to agree to accompanying him to the hospital. How could Jin actually believe Jun's words that Jin didn't matter to Soyoung when the boy did nothing but prove otherwise then night before and that morning. It did not compute, wires were frying, and sparks were popping in his brain because he was always, every day, working so hard to see the always glum Jinhwa smile. But he always failed. No matter who it was, he always managed to annihilate any smile a person who knows him may have. Even Rae. And no one could understand how deeply it marred the boy who wished so desperately that he could be the reason for someone's happiness.

                                                Jun's presence was as thick as molasses, which could probably explain the rareness of oxygen entering Soyoung's lungs. But he didn't want to ask Jun for an explanation because frankly he only saw what happened with Yeongsu at 3 AM that morning repeating itself. He saw a refusal to truly answer, a whirlwind of belittlement, a thrash of anger, and a worsened situation. It was like Rae said: they needed to train. Which was why Soyoung pretended like none of that happened, why Soyoung didn't ask Jun what he had been saying to Jinhwa, and why he walked over closer to the wall mirror and tossed the cd on the ground to be used later. "I did some research last night before bed," he mentioned as he got on the floor and began stretching his legs out, reaching for the toes. "I've read up on moves like the 3-step and 6-step and while I know they will take some practice to perfect, I can tell they're easy enough for me to learn on my own. And so that I don't waste your time, I'd appreciate if you taught me a few of the more challenging moves during our time together so that it can be well spent." He was speaking cordially and as neutrally as possible to the male who wanted anything but to train Soyoung in a way that could keep him within his sight longer than a week. But Soyoung ready for business. Sure he wanted to chase Jin down and overbearingly get all the information out of him that he could, but what good would that be if he was eliminated in days to come? He needed to take this opportunity to learn.

                                                -----------------------------------------------------------------

                                                Awkward couldn't begin to explain the feeling between Rae and Jin as they walked over to another empty practice room. Once in, Rae spat out the bottle cap into a trash can in the corner, set his things down, and decided to just let it all out.. "Okay, man, listen," he began in a neutral tone of voice as he leisurely turned to look at Jin with his hands in his jacket pockets. "There's a couple things I need to clear up. I think you're a pretty cool guy. Naw, naw, I mean it. If you're willing to go up against ******** Hunsoo like that for Soh, then you're pretty alright in my book." He couldn't quite keep still as he would look around from place to place, adjust footing, and tilt his head here and there due to the panging feeling of being so nice to Jin. But regardless, it wouldn't stay too nice for long. He shrugged. "So yeah. You see, it's totally cool if Soh has a dependable friend like that. Not that I wouldn't, seeing as I was the one to stop Hunsoo and his shits in the first place that day but now that you beat the hell out of the guy, you have the ability to keep him at bay, ya know? Good job. Good thing! But!"

                                                He was a wiry ball of energy as hands retreated from his pockets and were being used as expression in his talk, pointing them however needed with each point. "There's a problem, you see? Yeah, yeah, Soyoung told me all about how you're all 'omg don't fall in love with me but i don't want you to go anywhere blah blahhh' and he's all 'I don't like him like that anymore blah blahhh I really want to be his friend blah blahhh' and that's cool and all BUT. The issue is that when Soyoung does exactly what you say, stops liking you like that, and decides to go on a date with someone who actually wants him to like him like that, you get all pissy boo-hoo." And thus Rae begins... "Now I don't know what all that was last night. You crawling in his bed unannounced and then yall disappear for a while and I wake up to see you two in the bed together again and I know it was innocent and all. I really do. Well, on Soyoung's part, anyway. He told me about how holding hands doesn't mean the same thing to you as it does to other people. Okay whatever, I can shrug that off. Big deal. Maybe you have a mommy complex with Soh. Maybe you wanna sleep next to mommy and it bothers you to see mommy date someone because you're afraid he'll stop tucking you in at night. I don't ******** know but here's why it pisses me off so much that after all Soyoung mentioned about his day, your face changes when I tell you about a guy asking him out:"

                                                The cookie was about to crumble. Jinhwa was about to realize why something like this had the ability to rile Rae up so very much. "It's a good thing if Soyoung's not walking around all day single. It'd be awesome if things work out with Hangooky and him so that Soyoung can call himself 'taken'. You know why? Because when someone's taken, people will regard them as 'off the market'. As in don't even think about it because they've got a boyfriend." Rae brows lifted in his eager need to make sure Jin understood what he was getting at. "Okay look at me, Jin-man, real good," he said as he flicked two fingers from his eyes to Jin's back and forth for emphasis. "Whether you get all weepy about Soyoung dating because you're jealous or because you don't want mommy to date, or because you don't want your little groupie to stop paying attention to you, it doesn't matter. You need to cut that s**t out because I know Soyoung's really damn concerned about why you were crying and if he makes the determination that you're upset that he's dating, what if it makes him call things off with Han-guacamole and thus he's single for longer?"

                                                But Rae could tell Jin wasn't getting it. He could tell that Jin was probably swimming in a sea of dark. Or maybe he understood crystal clear? Either way, Rae didn't want to take any chances. He let out a gutteral groan of frustration as his head flopped back in agony before straightening once more and looking Jin seriously in the eyes once more. "Don't you get it? It's not good for me if Soyoung's single, you see? It's actually really bad for me if he's single. Not that you care but here me out, alright. I'm straight, okay? I'm straight. I wanna have kids some day and so I can't go around dating dudes, not that I want to anyway. But when there's one dude who I consider one of my best friends shaking that up a little, I can't have him prancing around all day with the word 'single' stamped to his forehead. You catch my drift? Do you hear what I'm saying without me actually saying it? It's a really good thing if Soyoung and Hangoober work out. So I really can't have you doing anything to mess that up. Capiche?"

                                                Rae refused to actually say, word-for-word, the issue at hand and so he really hoped that Jin wasn't so dense that he didn't understand. Rae hoped that he could keep his pride as he explained to Jin why he needed to suck those tears up and stop being such a pissant. "You two can be friends all you want. But this crying crap? It needs to stop. Bro-to-bro? Will ya be so kind as to do that for me?" And so the wired dancer boy was done, over, and out with his whole spiel, not wanting for it to be brought up again and hoped that he said all he needed to say for Jin to not speak a word of it (like he seemed like he would anyway?) and just let things continue on their way. Rae walked over to the middle of the room and looked down at his feet. "Alright so show me how to do this c-thingy."





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                                    Watch your thoughts, for they become words.


                                    It concealed within him, each inaudible memoir of emotions befuddled in

                                    Darkness
                                    Darknesa
                                    Darknesd
                                    Darknesn
                                    Darknese
                                    Darkness
                                    Darknesseper….ation

                                    Darknesseper….atioe

                                    Darknesseper….atiog

                                    Darknesseper….atiol

                                    Darknesseper….atioe

                                    Darknesseper….atioc

                                    Darknesseper….atiot

                                    A
                                    N
                                    ……D
                                    ……ə
                                    ……s
                                    ……d
                                    ……ɐ
                                    ……ı
                                    ……ɹ

                                    Watch your words, for they become actions.


                                    Like being stuck in a whirling tide pool defaced by the tyrannies of the underworld, each breath he took stripped him of his soul. He’d reach, reach so far out as the tips of his fingers dragged pitifully along the surface inscribed with the meaning of life, and what laid behind the cruelty in a warning consisting of phrases he didn’t want to understand.

                                    ‘mommy complex’
                                    ‘mommy comrlex’
                                    ‘mommy comilex’
                                    ‘mommy comslex’
                                    ‘mommy comslex’
                                    ‘mommy comylex’
                                    ‘mommy complex’
                                    ‘mommy comblex’
                                    ‘mommy comolex’
                                    ‘mommy comolex’
                                    ‘mommy com-lex’
                                    ‘mommy comhlex’
                                    ‘mommy comolex’
                                    ‘mommy comolex’

                                    Rae might as well have slapped him in the face.

                                    Watch your actions, for they become habits.


                                    ‘They’re always attacking.’

                                        He didn’t want to make himself out to be the victim.


                                    ‘I’m trying, aren‘t I? But I can’t fix things like I want to.’

                                        It wasn‘t his fault that the variables life threw at him had only left him as a retrogressing slab of meat, waiting to be gnawed and mangled by his lies, mistakes and his regrets.


                                    “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

                                        But he kept apologizing…

                                          Kept on making the same mistakes over and over again.

                                            So Maybe, he deserved it all.


                                      Watch your habits, for they become character.


                                      Should he be more self-aware? Should he be what others expect him to be? Should he change himself because of what others tell him? Should he stop crying, stop expressing himself, stop feeling the emotions that pumped his heart a million miles per minute because societal standards deemed it weird, a bother, a mother‘s complex and a stupid thing to be so weepy ? Was Rae expecting him to flip a switch as if he was some mechanized being?

                                      Because if so, then direct Jin to the off button; for he’d give anything to stop the images, the nightmares, the paranoia, and everything else that dealt with the blood and the darkness stirring at the forefront of his mind. He’d give absolutely everything and anything to shut himself down!

                                      Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.


                                      Anyone would be upset or offended, or maybe a mixture of both, but Jin knew who he was as far as morality goes, so never would he ever condone to the fury digging his nails into the palm of his hands. He had listened enough to register everything Rae had said, right down to the brazen request suggesting Jin should keep his mouth shut and accept the harsh criticism dipping his face in darkness. So what now? What was he supposed to do now that his silence was proposed to ensue with the change in subject? How could he, or anyone else for that matter, expect to utter a single syllable when it felt as if he was immerse under water with his mind forming the words and yet, the pressure of it all prevented him from speaking up? Jin stood there, thinking about the concern in Soyoung’s eyes when he asked him what was wrong before Rae had the audacity to drag him out the door.

                                      What was wrong?

                                      It was a question he asked himself from the beginnings of time since he could last remember when life appeared before his eyes. Subjects sprawled before him. They took on images, phrase, inquires and so many other topics he had yet to address. For his mind wondered through the meaning of what being ‘different’ really meant. He thought it through for a moment, went on in assuming everything couldn’t be changed because it wasn’t Soyoung who was different…it was Jin…Jin and no other. He was far to different from the world, acting as such, and expressing the oddities in a way that allowed Rae to point them out with one discriminating comment after another.

                                      ‘You catch my drift? Do you hear what I'm saying without me actually saying it?’

                                      The better question was: Why should he care? Why did he have to take heed of an inquiry that held no meaning? Rae was someone left in the dark. He didn’t care for him, didn’t really bother keeping him in mind because Rae, like everyone else in the world, was the kind of person who took advantage of his silence and went on in belittling him as if he was the dumbest creature on the face of the earth. He could’ve went about the situation differently, should’ve just save himself the trouble and tell Jin that his presence wasn’t worth Soyoung’s time because Jin’s negativity was, as others would say, ‘cramping his style’. So maybe, despite how confused he perceived himself to be, Jin did fully understand what Rae was getting at because if he didn’t, the sternness, let alone the rare projection of his voice and opinions, wouldn’t have been heard. “You don’t even know me.” And why should he expect him to? If what Jun said was true, and Soyoung was using him with a mask of kindness, then why should he invite anyone like Rae to know him?

                                      Considering the situation, every line etched upon impeccable, yet austere features permeated an air of gravity solidified in the eyes that held Rae’s gaze. He didn‘t make any sudden movements as he just stood in place, keeping his head up high. “What I’ve gone through, what I’ve seen, What I think about, what happened to make me this way: It’s everything you don’t know. So what gives you the right to judge me? Is it because I’m quiet? Is it because I don’t speak or because you think I won’t say anything and just let it go?” Emotionally, he was on the verge of stability, taking one word at a time, mentally easing himself out of intense hostility because the truth of the matter was, other’s opinions didn’t matter, they never concerned him to begin with when it was Jin’s replies that needed to be heard when he was certain Rae was in the wrong.

                                      But that’s when the uncertainty came in.

                                      That’s when his obscured thoughts caused him to second guess himself as he kept to his oath of silence once again. Jin wasn’t sure of what to say after that, but he assumed Rae was going to make some snide comment with a few added insults stuck in between. However, before anything was said, before anyone could react to either the thickness of the air that formed between them or the words that were said, the room sounded with a series of distinct taps from the sharp heels of stilettos hitting against the lacquered floor. Jin didn’t bother to look up. He thought it was a figment of his imagination until the tips of manicured fingers lifted his downcast eyes. “Hun, remember what Jun said. Keep your head up high, that way no one will have the chance to look down on you.” A warm, heartfelt grin broke through the barriers that had constructed around him. A pleasant aura she was, her presence befitting the ambiance of luxury coated in the decorated lashes that fluttered, the glossed lips that stripped away his discomfort and the specks of glitter sprawled over a face that nurtured, protected and ensured no physical or mental harm would come of the man who meant so much to her.

                                      So it was just Rae’s luck she had caught the conversation with her specialized skills of eavesdropping that permitted a full insight upon the character she had that was cool, kind-hearted, caring, and fairly non-judgmental about the little things that were far too insignificant in her eyes. She had a decorated bag in hand, its material crinkling due to the contents that shifted when Ayako swiftly turned on those heels that called for their attention. Strangely enough, she wasn’t particularly mad as she would’ve been in such a situation, but instead her glimmering smile simply dropped with doe shaped eyes emanating a world of disappointment over the male she had once admired. “Please don’t say anything. Just listen to me.” A sense of understanding washed over her. She was never one to judge or take anything out of proportion when she considered Rae as a friend of the sort. She had saw him on several occasions after all, chatted him up at the clubs, laughed at his little jokes because they were strangely, genuinely funny, and it was especially enjoyable seeing the faces of superficial bitches when they finally realized how much of ‘catch’ Rae really was when Ayako fawned over him, complemented him and made sure no other girl rejected him for the remainder of the night. He was enjoyable to be around and naturally acquired the traits of a protector, because who cannot forget how he stood up to assholes for the sake of a friend. Admiration is one thing she held for him, which is why she toned down by a significant amount when she wanted nothing more but to tell him off. “I don’t know the whole story or why you would speak to Jin the way you did. But regardless of what he’d done, there is no way in hell anyone deserves to be spoken to in that way because you don’t have any right to judge him or at least degrade him the way you did. Mommy? Mother complex? Groupie?” She chuckled out an air of disbelief. “Babe, you really need a reality check. We’re not his groupie. We’re his family and as a family we get super defensive when other people back him up into a corner.” It was a form of a joke, an expression of the sort when the description of ’groupie’ hung in the air, but nevertheless, it didn’t relinquish the offense she personal felt at that moment. “ He cries a lot. So what. He doesn’t react very well to certain things. So what. He makes mistakes. What other person doesn’t?” Hair elaborately ringleted had tussled gentle with a shake of her head, her feet tapping, infuriatingly colliding harshly with the floor in pure annoyance of the situation she wasn‘t entirely sure how to address.

                                      “Here’s the thing, JiJi may not get your drift but I do. You want Soyoung to be happy, that’s spazztastic and all, but why point out how much of a really bad thing it is to hang with someone that’s single and gay? You’re worried ‘bout what stupid judgmental people will think of you?” Honestly enough, she wasn’t sure what Rae was getting at with the entire spiel. She didn’t understand, but she was determine to get to the bottom of a dilemma Jin couldn’t question for himself. “ So if you’re around a ‘single’ gay guy, you automatically have to be all like ‘I’m straight, I’m straight, I’m straight’; you have to keep reminding yourself of the obvious? Do you always have to be so full of yourself and think, just because Soyoung‘s single there‘s this friken magic spell that turns his friends gay?” Ayako rolled her eyes with a disapproving scowl. “Ohhh~ cuz you know, being gay is a disease and if you’re not taken, you’ll be snatched with a case of Gay-dism just like that.” She snapped her fingers with great emphasis, the sarcasm leeching out a trail of spite hanging on her every word. “I really like you Rae. You’re full of spunk and you can really bejewel a gal’s night, but you’re really insensitive to. Maybe if you went through half the things Jin’s gone through then, who knows, you might understand.” Because god only knew of the hell Jin experienced throughout a life that was engulfed with flames. “But, I guess the world don‘t work that way. We see a casing, but we never try to consider what‘s inside. We don‘t notice the scars or the hurt, or the trouble, or…or the…” She had to cut herself off for a moment, had to recuperate herself and compose the emotions that instinctively sent her hand hysterically fanning the tears that stung her eyes. “Oh god!” She wailed, sniffling and jumping in place in her little failed attempt to stop such pesky tears from falling. “It took me hours to beautify myself. I can‘t ruin my makeup.”

                                      It was a real predicament, a problematic occurrence all within itself that beckoned for the chance to ruin her day out. But she wouldn’t have it in the least and as such, Ayako twirled with her dress beautifully unfurling in a circle as mourn-glazed eyes searched for something, practically anything that would help those shimmering dew drops from smearing her work of art. “JiJi, sleeve. Sleeve. Sleeve” Upon command, Jin provided the fabric that hung loosely at his arm, Ayako leaning over and dabbing carefully beneath generous layers of mascara. Soon enough, she calmed down relatively quickly after finding her ‘center of gravity’ with the aid of a few deep breathes as she slowly detached herself from Jin‘s sleeve. “I’m calm. I’m calm. I’m calm.” she muttered as a sense of reassurance that neither mounted the calmness she proclaimed nor sent that same palliative sensation through the man who provided his sleeve.

                                      Jin hadn’t said a word the whole time, yet the means to defend himself lurched into his throat and settled in a burst of energy waiting to combust. However, nothing came, nothing sounded in the subtle air condoned to the sniffles that muffled softly against threads that were dampened in her salty residue. He just stood in place, watching her gently wipe away any excess display of sadness that threatened the darkened kohl of her eyes.

                                      She was about to say something, maybe mutter out another round of explanations, but she was strayed to silence once Jin’s phone rang for what seemed like the 20th time that day. It was always the same caller sprawled across his screen, flashing its restricted number in an irate manner that soon went to voice mail and followed with a text filled with what spite was all about. But this time, it was different; the messages were more stern, much more lethal than before and as a concern gaze roamed about the address that held a sense of familiarity to its streets and numbers, Jin slightly, in that discreet sort of way, widened his eyes. Leave it to Hunsoo to be so persistent that he’d drag himself back to where it all began. Right in the alleyway wedged between slabs of brick wall was where he now waited, distancing himself a good ways from the crowd as if daring Jin to come out of hiding for the sake of a friend. With such close proximity between their current location and where Hunsoo resided, there remained a tinge of discomfort that waited for his decision. But there were promises that needed to be made, promises he had to keep because he once vowed to teach Soyoung the guitar and stay out of trouble because, as they mentioned time and time again, fighting with Hunsoo wasn’t worth the consequences that would come about. And for that, he should’ve returned the device back into the depths of his pocket and ignored such a calling just as he did many times before. But instead, he sent a confirmation and left Ayako and Rae standing there as he ventured off through the winding corridors that led to the nearest exit.

                                      “Jin, where are you going?!” Ayako followed like the worrisome individual that she was, taking off her heels and running barefoot across the carpet in order to keep up with the taller male who held a dangerous glint in his eyes. “Hey! I’m talking to you. When I ask you a question, you better answer it?” But he said nothing and merely continued on because when promises were shattered into the dismal pit of despair that left him feeling so alone, there was no other reason to hold himself back any longer.

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                                      Improvement takes time and effort, a sense of sincerity to bring forth that improvement requiring that of the same traits Jun had never acquired nor attained for those who made it their life’s duty to ******** his day over. Not only did the eye sore of a lifetime made himself out to be the reason for Jin and Jun’s unnecessary separation the day before, but he was also the factor in which misery and contempt had willingly bowed down to. Soyoung twisted his emotions in the most rabid of ways Jun had long since experience in the past and now, he was digging up old wounds by putting himself in the middle of a relationship Soyoung had no right in prying into. He hated him, despised him, and wanted nothing more but for his existence to be somewhere off in the middle of Seoul where he and even Jin for that matter, would never see him again.

                                      So how funny was it to witness him actually buying into the act Jun had no intention in following through with. How ridiculous and naïve it was to even go so far as to think he’d actually give Soyoung a fighting chance in a competition that anticipated his failure. With a click of his tongue and a roll of his eyes to finish the masterpiece of disbelief painted over his bemused features, Jun walked across the opposite side of the room and began preparing himself for a nap. He folded his hands in the back of his head, and gently fell onto the floor as he closed his eyes with a smirk mischievously etched upon his lips. “Save it. I want you gone. I don’t see the ******** point in having you here, so I’m not wasting my time playing an act when there’s no worthy audience to see it.” And that was that. Soyoung could walk off and do as he pleased, but as far as he was concerned, Soyoung denied his help and frustratingly stormed out of the room minutes into their practice session.

                                      Or at least, that was what Jun would convincingly tell Jin with the most saddened and defeated expression he could muster up.

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                                                As understandable as it was, the fact that Jin retorted at all was a shock to the loud-mouthed male who was so used to Jin keeping his own shut. But no moments of recovery from that shock were even needed since Rae had had his share of arguments throughout his life to always keep his wits about him. It was why he instantly smile and rolled his eyes at what he deemed to be an overused comeback. So his eyes as well as his head lazily rolled to look Jin's way with that effortless smile still lingering on his face. But yet Jin's words only made that smile perfectly mask the fury behind it upon hearing every audacious comment of self-entitlement. If he didn't hear those quick heels tapping, he would have asked him if he thinks Soyoung doesn't have issues that made him the way he is, proceeding to ask him if he still thought it was right of him to cry like a selfish baby in front of the boy that is in obvious need of a happiness that Jin seems to want to keep him from obtaining. Such words never reached his lips when Ayako made her presence known and went off like a sky rocket. Her words were never angry and therefore he tried to obey her request to just listen and not talk back. But she seemed to not understand what Rae had not been talking about, which was why he was still able to smile a bit with one brow slightly raised. Ayako was his friend, his buddy and so he didn't mind humoring her protective personality since it was a trait they both shared.

                                                She babied him and babied him, which was something Rae never understood since he came from a family that loved him but but told him to suck it up when times got tough. So it was irksome to see Ayako treat the Jin like he was an infant, barely weened from breastfeeding. But it wasn't until Ayako brought up the subject of what he said in regards to Soyoung that his smile began to dwindle. "...but why point out how much of a really bad thing it is to hang with someone that’s single and gay? You’re worried ‘bout what stupid judgmental people will think of you?" "Wait wuh?" he asked with the flick of eyes to the side and back as it became clear that Ayako's eavesdropping did nothing but cause her assumptions to veer off far away from the point the proud Rae was trying to make without owning up to. She kept going on off the assumption she had made and the amount of screwed-up that it was brought back an even bigger smile as he put a hand over his eyes and shook his head. "Aya-babe. No. It's not-" But she just kept going and he could hear her voice changing from coach-like to emotional and so his hand slid from his eyes to see the large eyes dewing up in her emotions. That was when he realized: everything he had so inaccurately explained brought Ayako to assume something that genuinely, deeply hurt her on a personal level. That was when everything was finally serious to Rae and that smile was wiped clean from his face.

                                                His feet moved without the command of neurotransmitters and brought him over to Ayako's side where he put a hand on her shoulder as coming defeated expression look straight at her in all sincerity. "Woah, woah, Aya! Totally off! Totally, totally off! I swear. I-I didn't even consider what you were talking about. I swear that's not what I meant. I-" But Jin's phone sounded and it caused a moment of distraction, since Rae and Ayako couldn't fathom what would be so much more important than a crying woman. Rae was a being of a curious nature and so when that very curiosity bit at his nose, he'd dig that nose right into someone else's business. It was exactly what he proved when that nose was directed over Jin's shoulder to see the text of a number Jin did not save in his contacts and a message that only stated some address. Rae's eyes widened as he saw Jin type a response that assured he'd be there and soon enough Jin began marching off at a fast pace out of there. So what were a guy and a gal to do but to follow?

                                                Ayako demanded answers that were not given as they eventually made their way out of the building but Rae had all the answers she needed. His face held a gleaming smile as he followed behind the silent male. "Woah, Jin-man, are you really gonna do it?" he asked in sheer entertainment. "You're gonna kick his a**, aren't you!" Rae wanted to see it happen! Ever since the day he met Hunsoo, before he even knew he was a violent ring-leader, he wanted to see someone really put him in his place. Even if he thought it was by someone who Rae also thought needed to be put in his place, he didn't care! To see it happen to Hunsoo would be as sweet and tangy as key-lime pie! "Well you can forget any mean thing I said to you a few minutes ago because you're totally cool in my book now. A-Ok!" "Excuse me?!" Ayako chimed. "No one's kicking anyone's a**! JiJi what are you thinking?! Stop right now! Listen to me when I tell you something!" But Rae was laughing and blissful as all get-out. "Oh come on, Aya-babe! You know Jin-man can pulverize Hunsoo's arrogant azzzz~ Just let him. Just to get it over with and Soh won't be bothered by that dipshit anymore." Ayako let out a noise of exasperation as it seemed she reached the limit of how far back her eyes could roll. "Men are so unbelievable! Do either of you really think that Hunsoo would just roll over and play dead? Even if JiJi breaks both his legs, as soon as Hunsoo's healed up, he'll be wanting revenge. How could either of you actually believe that Hunsoo is a man of his word? Soyo will always be a target of his if he always has a chip on his shoulder!" "This may be true, Aya, but you also have to consider that while Hunsoo's dumber than a box of rocks, he's at least smart enough to realize that if he's beat twice, he'll most likely not win the third time. If he values his own life, he'll go play big dog somewhere else." "You of all people, Rae! I thought you'd want to protect Soyoung the most! Your rambling is putting Jin in danger as well as Soyoung!" But before Rae could even respond, his phone rang with the tone that meant none other than Soyoung himself was calling. So with a sigh and a finger in Ayako's face, he lifted the device to his ear. "Yo."

                                                ---------------------------------------------------------------

                                                Fingers curled in a relaxed state near his calves as he heard the words, hunched over from being in mid-stretch. It was a realization as painful as ever to know that once again when he needed help, no one would give it to him. Soyoung just stared at the floor for a moment as everything that just occurred saturated in his mind. He was a hated person. He knew that much and should have been used to it by then but it seemed like that was one fact of life he'd always have a difficult time coming to terms with. Kibum didn't hate him, that much was true, but Soyoung believed that it was only a matter of time before Yeongsu gave Kibum every reason to hate the boy. Because wasn't he the cause of so many of their fights? When will it be that Key realizes that Soyoung is the cause of so much of his sadness? How much longer did Soyoung have left with him as a friend? And Rae? How much longer before all of his baggage weighed too heavily on the male and he was dragged into something dangerous? What if Hunsoo got to him and it was all Soyoung's fault? And at this rate, Jun still hated Soyoung with such a passion that the boy knew that Jun would continue to feed Jin the lies that were meant to make him hate the boy. Soyoung didn't know if he could trust in Jin to stay sturdy enough in his persistence to be there for Soyoung when the person he loved and trusted the most was giving him every reason to abandon the boy that shared his bracelet.

                                                And when no one was there for him anymore, why would he bring Hangook into his life just so he could end up hurting him too?

                                                He could feel the emotions enlarging in his chest, swelling and bloating to the point that he knew if he sat there much longer, he might have an episode in front of Jun, one of the last people he wanted to show that side of himself to. He was sick of feeling the tangible sensation of hate swarming around him and so he slowly got up, grabbed his cd, and calmly walked out of the room without so much as a word to Jun. He didn't know where he was going but he didn't trust himself to be around Jin and Rae just yet, which was why he went into the first bathroom he came across. Upon seeing that no feet resided in any of the stalls as he bent down to look, he simply collapsed in a corner. He remembered Jin's tears so vividly, his refusal to talk to him, and he amazed himself at his immaculate ability to hurt someone without realizing what he did to do it. Just like with Rae yesterday when he unknowingly flipped a switch that caused the male to abandon him in the streets. Would Soyoung always be able to count on Rae turning around to find him again? Soyoung's fingers were shaking and due to his lack of recent eating, his stomach was churning in a sick feeling.

                                                'I hurt everyone.'

                                                It was a simple statement in his mind that caused his entire world to topple over as his head dropped and banged onto his up-bent knees, air hissing in through his teeth as nails clawed at the tiled floor. It was an unbearable sensation to have so much pain but no one to express it to, no one to listen. And even if there was someone who walked in to see the crying boy, what good would it do? If kind Kazuma walked in and his bleeding heart caused him to reach out and to listen, it would do no good! Same with Ryo or Mei Lin. It would do no good because when Soyoung really thought of it, there was only one person in the world whose voice he wanted to hear at the moment and he knew he couldn't. He knew there were forces keeping him from hearing her voice and even if he someone got in contact with her, why in the world would she want to talk to him? But yet her image was plastered to the back of his eyelids and all he could see was the girl whose comfort he wished he could feel, whose voice he wished would coo, and whose arms he wished would hold him. She was the only person on Earth who could truly make him feel at peace again but yet she had no reason in the world to even so much as give him a second's glance. Because just like he did everyone else, he hurt her too...

                                                ...far worse than he had hurt anyone to that day...

                                                And even still, she was the one whose forgiveness he desired the most but knew he'd never get, knew he didn't deserve. And it only made his current state a thousand times worse. Bugged eyes lifted to stare at the phone he held in his hands as he fought and fought those tears back, successfully keeping them at bay. What if he called her? Was there a chance in the world that time had healed her and maybe she'd actually want to hear his voice again? "I want to talk to you..." his shaking voice managed, nostrils flaring and twitching in the extreme urge to cry. Brows mimicked such movements as the twitched in near unison, mirroring the twinging pain he felt within him. "More than anyone in this world, I want to talk to you but I can't." His voice exemplified the pain and desperation with each hitch and every lack of pitch as he spoke like a breaking down robot. "I love you so much. I-I just want to tell you that...I'm so sorry for what I did. I-I want you to love me again too." But what good did staring at a phone and talking to it do when no one was on the line to hear it? It just felt better for a few seconds to act as if he was talking to her, as he often did in moments like that...But seconds would pass to bring him to the knowledge that he spoke to no one at all and he was, as always, alone. He could try his optimistic thinking, to feed himself the bullshit he fed to Jin in an attempt to be optimistic when he claimed that you're never alone if someone in the world cares about you. It was difficult to believe his own words when he did feel alone and he knew it was only a matter of time before the people who claimed to care for him saw him as the burden he truly was.

                                                "I..." But he needed to talk to someone...even if she wasn't there. "I'm going to make it up to you. It's why I'm here. I-It's why I won't let them send me home. I'm going to fight as hard as I can, okay? And when I'm able, I'm going to get you out of there. A-And if you need it...I'm going to provide help for you. I don't care how much it costs...I love you..." And his face fell hard back onto his knobby knees as his hand fell with him, the other still clawing at the disgusting bathroom floor. He needed to keep his promise to her. And even though she never once heard the promise with her own ears, he felt like he owed it to her to never break it. Which was why he needed to get off the floor and find a practice room, wasn't it? And so he did, looking into the mirror to make sure he at least looked semi-sane, fixing his hair flat and trying to relax his expression so his eyes didn't look so sunken in. He'd deal with the stomach ache later because eating wasn't important to him at the moment.

                                                As calmly as he could fake himself to be, he walked down the hall to look into empty practice rooms to hopefully find Rae and Jinhwa because Rae had the laptop that had access to the internet he needed in order to learn his task. But he stopped when he looked through a door window to see an empty practice room that had Rae's laptop case and his duffel bag, unwatched and unsafe. Confused, he entered the room to look and make sure only to be confirmed that yes that was Rae's stuff. So if Rae's things were there unattended to, where were Rae and Jin? Did they rush out in some form of emergency? Soyoung's nerves were shot and his mind as paranoid as ever, which was why he couldn't simply think to himself "maybe they just walked down the hall to get something out of the vending machine." Especially when Jin had been crying and Rae was being unsympathetic. So he dug into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and speed-dialed Rae. "Yo."

                                                "Where are you?! Why did you leave your stuff lying around to get stolen?" Rae's eyes bugged in the realization. "Oh my god I did do that, didn't I! Wow I really am airheaded sometimes. Will you watch my stuff for me, bud? Until I get back?" "Well...of course but where are you? Why'd you leave in a hurry? I hear cars in the background. Is Jinhwa with you?" "Holy crap, dude. Too many questions. Umm yeah Jin-man's here and we'll be back soon. I don't understand why you sound so worried. We didn't get abducted by aliens. If we did, I promise I'd sound more panicked right now." "Well, okay but...You're evading one of my questions." Soyoung felt relentless. For some reason, Rae's happy-go-lucky sound did not seem to make sense with the idea that Jin was with him, going somewhere all willy-nilly as if he wasn't crying moments ago. Rae was never good at coming up with lies very quickly, so he tried to stall time by repeating the claim. "I'm evading one of your questions? Which one? You only spewed out a million questions at a time. How am I supposed to remember them all when I can't even remember that I brought my laptop to the studio. I left that sucker, remember! You have the evidence right by you!" "Okay, Rae, that's fine. Just tell me where you two are and I'll bring your stuff to you." "Bring my stuff to me? Naw, man, I don't want to have to carry that stuff around. Just watch it for me for a little while, bro." "Why won't you just tell me where you are?!" "Because if I do you'll bring me a ton of crap to carry that I don't want to carry!" "But you wouldn't tell me before I even mentioned anything about bringing your crap!" "Because you mixed the question in with a ton of other questions and I couldn't comprehend them all!!"

                                                They were both doing what they could to obtain their goals. Soyoung's goal to find out where the other two were, and Rae's goal to make sure Soyoung stays put. He needed Soyoung to stay far away from Hunsoo because he was determined that Jin could take care of everything and Soyoung would only be in danger if he found out and tried to stop it all. But Ayako had been yapping the whole time to Jin and amongst Soyoung and Rae's bickering and once Soyoung took a moment of aggravation to think and be silent, he heard her call out. "Jin! Stop right now and listen to me! This is a mistake!" It was all he needed to hear. "Ayako's with you?" "What? Who? No!" But the connection was ended and Rae was greeted with a silence on the speaker of his phone. "s**t." And only a second later, Ayako's phone began to ring. "Soyoung sweetie, is that you?" "Yes! I heard you tell Jinhwa to stop, uhmm listen to you and that he was making a mistake? Wh-What's going on?! Where is he going?!" Soyoung wasn't an idiot. It was only yesterday since Hunsoo's proposal was presented and it took a long time for Soyoung to get Jinhwa to promise not to accept it. But if Jinhwa couldn't hold true to the trust Jun had with him, why in the world would he hold true to the trust Soyoung had with him, the boy who kept making him cry? "Please tell me if he's meeting with Hunsoo! Where are yall?!"

                                                "Wait, hold on, hon. You're breaking up. The reception is atrocious!" She reached out for Jin's hand to make sure she was caught up with him. "Repeat what you said because I didn't hear any of it." And she thrust the phone up to Jin's ear to ensure he'd hear the panic in Soyoung's voice. "Huh? I-I said I'm really afraid that Jinhwa might be meeting up with Hunsoo. Y-You didn't see it but he was really really upset earlier and it's all my fault! He said he wouldn't fight him but I don't know, Ayako! I'm really worried. Why are you all rushing out and ignoring me?! If someone doesn't tell me what's going on right now, I'm going to rush out into the streets and find out for myself!" He couldn't stand the thought of someone getting hurt again because of him. Just because Jinhwa succeeded in winning the first fight he had with Hunsoo didn't mean he'd win every fight. And even if he did, he could still get severely injured in the process. Panic was pounding his heart and worsening the churn in his weak stomach as he clenched his fist and shook. When Ayako heard the moment of silence, not understanding a single thing Soyoung said but only hearing the humming noise of his fear-stricken voice, she brought the phone back to her ear. 'Hon, the connection is so bad that I didn't hear a lick of that. Try saying-" And she hung up on him with the faked dropped-call, having no idea that Soyoung was about to run out into the streets and find them if he could. "Now I don't know what all he said," Ayako stated toward Jinhwa, "but he sounds pretty freaked out to me. Don't do this, Jinhwa." She had to ignore Soyoung's questions. Because she couldn't risk him coming to them and being around Hunsoo as well. If things were to go well, Soyoung needed to stay as far away from Hunsoo as possible.

                                                And all the while, Soyoung was back at the studio with a phone that had no one on the other line and a limited amount of time before the worst could happened, though he hoped desperately that he was wrong. "Why is everyone ignoring me?" So he did the first thing that came to mind and sprinted out of the room, down the hallway, and bursted into the room Jun still resided in. "I think Jinhwa is meeting up with Hunsoo right now." And as fast as he was in the room, he was out. Now that he was running to the building exit, he tried calling Jin's cell to get no answer. And so he ran with no destination, hoping luck would bring him to where he needed to be.



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                                    What is there to gain when everyone around you dissappears?

                                    Abandonment was always the issue, wasn’t it?

                                    To realize he had no one waiting for him once the day drew to an end was the impediment in which dreams and happiness became far out of reach. Not that dreams were as significant as the happiness he sought out for because, in Jin’s impaired, yet discerning point of view, emotions so blissful and so self-fulfilling were the reasons why dreams even existed in the first place. So what was his dream? What was in a dream? What was the defining objective to his happiness? What exactly made him happy? And beyond all the inquires that flowed wildly in his head, there was only one question that thrived above the rest: What was there to gain after all was done and he was left standing without nowhere else to go? Arms that had once held him ever so tightly would merely find itself withdrawing and enclosing themselves in a disturbed embrace hugging closely at their chest, eyes stern, the very corner smeared in coal; for it was the smoldering pigment alone that would shade their disapproving stares 10 times over as if darkness itself overcame them. Sooner or later, Jun was going to find out why Jin had lied and why he kept experiencing one emotional wave after another whenever problematic predicaments arose.

                                    If life could result in turmoil as quickly as he experienced the adrenaline running through his veins, then only one solution to all his dreadful problems remained: Why not shatter the promises he made and think nothing more of it from there on out? It was foolish of him to even count on a promise pronounced so wholesomely form another when they were filled with a false sense of security the moment he made them, because once everything was said and done, the fragility of such promises would make itself known as its foundation cracked with a flick of a finger. Shards spilled onto the floor, sprawled and formed the emptiness that riddled in each confounded piece he could never put back together again, because once promises were broken, there was nothing in the world that could build it back together again.

                                    It took time to and everyone knew how precious a single individual’s time could really be.

                                    Life and our entire existence was all about timing after all, as the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... Attainable; And that in itself brought about the reasoning where those who were able to meet the ‘unexpected’ relayed in the delight of happiness they discovered, presented as an opportunity that must be taken without a hint of hesitation. No one should get in the way of the inevitable, nor should anyone have the right to veer another off of a path that was as inescapable as a the prey of a ravaged beast. Well, the metaphor was far from what his thoughts were trying to convey, considering Soyoung’s future wasn’t as bleak or as lifeless as a dead carcass.

                                    Actually, it was that of the opposite.

                                    With a possible companion that will probably last for a lifetime, a new career, new friends, and a completely new outlook on life, Soyoung’s future was nowhere near an animal’s demise because what laid ahead was nothing more or less than a promising future for someone he still considered as his friend. Soyoung may have not felt the same way, may not really have cared to tend to someone as complicated as Jin and as such, might have already abandoned him for all he knew, but despite the pain such a harsh realization brought with it, Jin couldn’t help but to feel a tinge of happiness that at least someone was getting something out of their relationship. Whether the connection between them was built upon ulterior motives or not, at least Jin knew Soyoung will be safe after everything was complete. At least there was nothing more for Soyoung to worry about as Jin, once and for all, settled all scores with his demons right there and then. At least Soyoung will finally be able to live his life without a monster like Hunsoo and nuisance like Jinhwa trailing in his shadow ever again.

                                    “Jiji, you’ll really make me cry if you take one more step forward.” Surprisingly, Jin stopped in his tracks mere inches away from the mouth of the alleyway in which Hunsoo lurked, waiting for his victim to make his daring appearance. Did the sudden cessation that moment where preparations for a fight began or was it purely a chance for his escape? It couldn’t be the latter, for the hard stricken look in his eyes said otherwise as he made no effort to turn the other way around. “Let’s go back, ne? We can fix all your problems if we just go back.” Before Rae could stupidly put his two-cents forward, Ayako jerked her elbow back and jabbed him right into the chest, cutting off a good supply of oxygen that made his words obsolete. She tried to sooth Jin out of the horrific idea revolving around that of a blood bathe Jin never belonged to. He was a gentle soul far too caring to inflict any kind of pain upon anyone, and with the thought in mind, she didn‘t want to believe Jin would go so far as to step into what just seemed like a trap. But who was she to be so naïve when, just like Jun and everyone else who watched over him, Jin was the type who never backed down from a challenge, especially when the people he loved was forced in the crossfire. She understood because her own disputes spanned over the years began solely for the same purposes that kept Jin’s mind clouded in obscenity.

                                    Hopelessly enough, she watched as Jin slowly pried away from the caress smoothing gently against his cheek. He walked on over to Rae and, as carefully as ever, placed his precious spider in his stiffened grasp as some form of keepsake that would ensure his pet’s safety, which included Ayako’s as well. “Please don’t get in the way. Just go back.” Did he just waste his breath on a plea that had no intention on registering through their heads?

                                    It seems so because once Jin stepped through the bowels of his doom, Rae and Ayako followed at a relatively good distance away from him until Ayako decided that enough was enough, and there was no way in hell she’d allow Jin to walk into the biggest mistake of his life. “Whatta’ you know, the coward actually showed up?” But it was too late. They were already in too deep and from the looks of it, there was no way in turning back when shadows loomed behind them and blocked the entrance from whence they came. “Been calling you…something wrong with your phone yesterday? I was actually worried f**-boy got into your head.” The gravel sounded with a distinct crunch emitting a kind of grotesque force and abrasiveness strung in his every stride. They were slow as if trying to radiate an aura filled with an intimidation Jin didn’t and wouldn’t buy into. He simply kept the lethality of his gaze upon the purging intentions trailing across a stare that filled with amusement.

                                    However, Hunsoo stopped a good 4 feet away from him, the distance calling for a reevaluation of his opponent as he kept a close eye on Jin’s expression, but never bothered to go beyond the indirect contact that thickened the air. “ Oh look, you let a whore tag along,” he said with a small hiss of laughter, directing his repulsive smirk in Ayako’s direction. “And here I thought I wasn’t going to have time for a strip show. Baby, why don’t you get your sweet little a** here and give daddy what he wants.” He was provoking Jin to make the first move, depending solely upon the trigger that would set the stoic male in a rampage Hunsoo was more than capable of controlling. There was fun to be had after all, but that was only for a limited amount of time, considering he was on a tight schedule. He had places to go, people to see, chicks to ******** and a victory that was practically in the palm of his hands.

                                    So the sooner it was done, the better.

                                    Though, he had to admit, Hunsoo, which included Rae and Jin, never expected for the seductive tips of Ayako’s fingers to swipe suggestively along the hem of her short dress, her lashes going aflutter as a smirk formed amongst glossed lips. “Boy, I’ll sure give you a show that you’ll never forget.” Sluggishly her nails dragged up her thigh, the fabric lifting and bundling at her side with every second that passed by. But what started off as a slow and derisive process, suddenly heightened the tension with such dramatic speed that revealed a small, compacted holster equipped with a butterfly knife she intricately unraveled from its sheath. With a flick of her wrist the blade shimmer in all its lethal glory, her lips pulled into an abstentious smirk inviting the b*****d who held that despicable smile to come her way, because god only new how much she wanted to slice that repugnant look right off of his face. The wider his mouth became, the more irritation filled every fiber of her body, but she composed herself as best as she could because there was no chance in hell she’d ever fall victim to his sick amusement. But his eyes kept its hold on her, the smile widening with each fraction of a second that ticked and ticked, and continuously ticked their lives away. For a moment, she felt a chill run down her spine because at that very second she knew what was going to happen before the sneak attack sent long, strong arms around her in Junchin’s pitiful attempt to retrieve her knife.

                                    And how pitiful that attempt was when Ayako shot her head back with enough force inflicting a world of pain that relinquished his grasp upon her, as her elbow swung round and struck right into his face, causing her assailant to stagger back. “Oh, how cute, he thought I was helpless.” She cooed out in mock laughter, rolling her eyes, while she kept her attention on the two who were now fully aware who exactly they were dealing with. They never intended on butting in, but with a weapon in their opponents hands, there was that need to get rid of an accident waiting to happen. Although, little did anyone know that Ayako was fully capable in controlling herself, seeing that she had yet to slice through unmarred skin. It wasn’t her intention to jump into a fight and it showed in the way she composed herself as she simply stood there facing Hunsoo‘s goons, twirling and precariously waving the blade about at the very tips of her fingers. Jin, on the other hand, had already moved in the opposite direction of the demon he now paid no mind to because Ayako’s safety became an issue he couldn’t overlook.

                                    Before he could get 2 strides into the threshold that drew between him and the two who made no sudden movements, Ayako stretched out an arm and stopped him in his tracks, fingers curling into the thick fabric of his shirt to apply an even more affirming hold. “Ji, we can leave right now. Forget about fighting…and just leave.” It sounded like a plan he would’ve easily succumbed to if the consequences of walking away didn’t result in Soyoung experiencing Jin‘s pain. He couldn’t do it because how could anyone expect him to forget how concern eyes would become when Jin was at his worst, falling below the realms of insanity he couldn’t claw his way out of. How could he start something and expect Soyoung to live in a nightmare Jin had the strength and the heart to defeat. Turning his back on a fight was never going to happen, and Ayako saw it in his eyes and felt it in the hand that took her own. “I want to stop you Jin, but I can’t do anything if you’re not willing to help me. Forget this b*****d, and let’s -”

                                    “I want this to be over. I don‘t want him to be afraid anymore.” Soyoung may have used him, he may have showed him nothing but a façade to get the things he had achieved, and he may leave in the end of it all, but when it comes straight down to the little things that struck through his heart, he’d never forget how Soyoung at least took the time to tolerate him long enough to make Jin feel as if he accomplished something by stepping out of his comfort zone. At least he tried making a friend and surely, the effort counted for something, didn’t it? Well, whatever ran through his head at that moment didn’t matter now because his focuse relied upon what he had to do next. While Ayako stood guard in between the ‘battlefield’ and Hunsoo’s sorry excuse for a backup team, Jin strolled back in his place with a different air to him that brought an arrogant grin upon his lips. “So are you going to stand there and keep talking, or do I have to quickly finish what you started?”

                                    “Gettin’ brave, are we?” Another step was achieved and the distance between them was closing in, the two getting closer and closer until Hunsoo stopped once again and stood before him in a taunting manner never seemed to wipe the grin off of his face. “I’m going to send you on the same stretcher you cowardly put me in, and maybe that f*****t will learn his place when I‘m finally through with you.” But he was still waiting for Jin to make the first move, to which the guitarist didn’t oblige to because he still had a few tricks up his sleeve. Well, not necessarily tricks per se, but when memory serves as a weapon that had the potential to get under the other’s skin, that’s when turning the tables worked to his advantage. “Is it true?” Hunsoo raised a brow. “It’s true isn’t it? You do all this because you’re the one having wet dreams about what you call a f*****t, isn‘t that right? You shouldn‘t hide what you are.” It wasn‘t what Yeongsu would call, “original”, seeing that he took the words right out of Key’s mouth, but it was enough to trigger a series of events that made the pain he emotionally felt, all the more tangible when Hunsoo hooked a solid punch right into his cheek. The world literally split in two for a moment, each shade of black and white flashing before his eyes with all Hunsoo’s furry burning hotly at the site that began to swell. The taste of metal flooded his mouth, Jin never realizing what it really was until the back of his hand stained in the crimson liquid he wiped from the corner of his lips.

                                    Before he could even blink, another hit was had…and another, and another, and another before Jin’s legs couldn’t fight against the elements that finally drove him to his knees. But he laughed with teeth sporting the blood that dripped from his chin because he knew it wasn‘t fair that he was restrained by a promise he couldn‘t break. To fight back meant possibly damaging his fingers, and to damage the only means of playing the guitar would shatter any chance of teaching Soyoung the instrument he dedicated his heart to. But why think of that now when hands fisted violently at the front of Jin’s shirt and he was forced back on his feet again. “Jin!” Ayako’s heart-wrenching cries were barely heard over the blood that rushed like torrents through his ears. What she said, what she cried out and what she pleaded rang the incomprehensible murmurs of the heart that tried so hard to pull him out of the dark. “Fight back! Please Jin! Just fight back!” He had all the strength in the world to send his fist barreling down Hunsoo’s throat, but it was more important for the other to win because he figured if he got his revenge, he’d leave Soyoung alone. He hoped that was the case, even prayed the sacrifices he was making would turn back time and make things normal as it should’ve been where no one paid attention to Jin, as their way of living drew further back to the point in time where Soyoung didn’t have to worry about roaming the streets of Tokyo alone ever again.

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                                    “Will you love me no matter what happens? Will you always be there to hold me?”

                                    “I’d kill myself before ever letting you go. I’ll be trialed as a murderer before ever letting anyone hurt you again. You’re the center of my world because you’re the only one that can make me happy.”

                                    “I want to make you happy Jin.”

                                    “You do make me happy. You’re here.”

                                    And he’ll always be there through the thickest of storms, the strongest of winds, and forever pervading the lands they called their own. Jun would never stop being there for him, nor would he let anyone stand in their way because what they’ve gone through could never be measured up to anyone’s kindness or generosity because Jun gave up his life, his soul, and his identity to make sure Jin was out of harms way. Which is why he ran to him, and never stopped running when Soyoung delivered the heart-rendering news that literally knocked the wind right out of him. But even that didn’t slow him down. He caught up to Soyoung in seconds time, but the longer he followed the oblivious idiot who seemed to be leading them off to the wrong direction, the faster he brought himself to a halt in order to make a call.

                                    “Track Jin’s phone. Now!!” Ryo didn’t question the anger that practically sent his fingers across his keyboard with inhuman speed, the technologist working as fast as he could as if life itself was in the balance. Once Ryo delivered the information he direly needed, Jun sprinted across the busy streets blaring their horns at the maniac who nearly got himself killed. But his own safety was the least of his worries, because what bombarded every nerve fiber in his body was the possibilities that may have put Jin in danger. He needed to be there and relay the torment onto himself as promises would eternally be kept between two who vowed to keep each other‘s lives safely in their hands.

                                    His heart pounded in his ears, his lungs struggling to keep his breathing in tact as he pushed himself to the limit, running down one alleyway and hurdling himself over a wooden fence like a cat landing with grace. But he stumbled a bit once he started toward the location that burned and forever engraved into his mind, not taking too long for him to recover in the speed that brought him to his desired destination.

                                    Though, what separated him from the scene that undoubtedly unfolded long since he arrived, was yet another fence that would lead him directly into the alleyway Jin resided. He spent no time in thinking about what laid beyond the barrier his body lunged for, because once fingers gripped at its edge and he pulled himself up and over its sturdy foundation, Jin witnessed the scene placing Ayako, Rae and two others at the far end of the narrow strip of land wedged between two brick walls. But he didn’t stop, didn’t take his time to observe his surroundings because time itself was of the essence and Jin was at the mercy of a b*****d who began pulling him up by the collar of his shirt. Blood pooled from Jin’s lips and the very sight of it made seconds turn into the milliseconds Jun needed to tackle Hunsoo from behind where the momentum sent them falling and skidding on the graveled floor.

                                    Jun instinctively rolled away to keep a good distance between him and the ******** who was going to pay for what he’d done. Although, when limbs tried to move, complete and utter exhaustion bounded him on the floor, the blonde gasping for air as the pain of exertion and witnessing the aftermath of Jin’s mistake ebbed the tears at the corner of his eyes. Wanting to move so badly and never receiving the strength to do so was the fuel to his anger that only left an arm draping pathetically over his face. He was so overcome by the influx of adrenaline that poured out of his veins, he couldn’t quite detect where Jin was or what he was doing until a figure shifted slightly in his peripheral vision. Jin was clawing into the floor with his face battered in a mix of dirt and blood Jun wasn’t able to see because Jin was drained, far too weak and unable to connect with the world to get himself up. He laid on his stomach, struggling with trembling limbs that failed to comply to his demands, but after receiving blow after blow sinking Hunsoo’s face right into his gut seconds before Jun had arrived, it was a feat to recover in the little time that was allotted.

                                    Because Hunsoo was starting to get up faster than Jin and Jun could even react.

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                                                Such a horrendous feeling to know that you need to be somewhere but there was no inkling within sight or mind to clue in where that particular place is. The panic pounded at his heart while flashes of memories reminded him of the intense pain and disorientation that Jinhwa might be experiencing that very moment if things were not going right. It only made him run faster, eyes and head darting about for any clue as to where they might be, until his phone rang. His shaking hands nearly dropped the device in his frenzied action of shooting it up to his ear. "Yes?!" "Dude, I was really wrong! I was really, really wrong and you need to get your a** over here. Where are you?" And it only took a few moments of explanation before Soyoung was able to determine what direction he needed to go and once sprinting that direction, he saw Jun dangerously crossing the street toward the same place Rae had specified. All cars had stopped due to the brave blonde's action and Soyoung was able to dart across the road and follow Jun's every step and mimicked his every move over fences and whatever obstacles came their way. Soyoung didn't even notice the sting in his bleeding knee from the tear and cut a fence caused when his maneuvering was not as smooth as he tried. And the stomach ache that felt so intense before had dulled into nonexistence due to the adrenaline that kept his mind anywhere but his own wellbeing. Because when they finally toppled over the last fence, he saw a sight far worse than he anticipated and far more life-threatening than a fight that was only meant to settle scores was supposed to be.

                                                He landed harshly on the ground, knees collapsing as dirt rubbed into the wound he still didn't notice was there because his eyes shot up to witness Jun pummeling Hunsoo to the ground. The two skidded a ways away, Jun rolling in another direction once momentum had stopped, and Soyoung had a clear view of the defeated male whose face was painted in blood and dirt from what Soyoung could see of his battered profile. The boy's chest expanded and contracted at a deeply, accelerated rate as his jaw dropped and tears stained his eyes as he let out a gutteral noise of unremitted regret and fear. "Jinhwa!" he called out due to instinct, not like calling his name would do any good for the male who was probably feeling the same kind of disorientation Soyoung was far too used to. Eyes darted up once more to see Hunsoo rising with eyes that looked far to furious and far too confident to give Jin a chivalrous chance to stand before he reached him. It didn't take a single moment's contemplation for Soyoung to jump up, body exhausted but immaculately determined, and run straight into Hunsoo, little fingers gripping into the 6'1 male's shirt as eyes look 7 inches upward to meet the assailant's.

                                                "J-Just take it out on me. Please don't touch him anymore. I'm the reason you're mad, aren't I? H-H-Hit me instead!" Hunsoo looked down into the fear-stricken orbs that begged him for mercy upon Jinhwa's being but the emotion had no success in reaching the heart that might as well have not existed in Hunsoo's chest. Instead, he grabbed fiercely at the fabric upon Soyoung's shoulders and drew him near as his face threatened with a look of sheer, unadulterated hatred, unaffected by the way Soyoung shook and twitched. "What makes you think I give a s**t about you, f**? Get the [********] out of my way." The bully shoved Soyoung into stumbling back and his attention was brought back upon the only man he cared to pulverize for the humiliation he had caused him. But as soon as Hunsoo took one more step, Soyoung was back in front of him and clinging to his shirt. "But this is all because of me, r-right? Take it out on me!" Hunsoo once again gripped at the boy's shirt to pull him in a mere inch away from his face as the magma of his fury seemed to emanate from his voice. "A f*****t like you apparently doesn't understand the way a man's fight works. Learn your place, D***s***er!" And twice as harshly, Soyoung was sent stumbling back as Hunsoo's step was alarmingly fast going Jin's way with a fury far worse than before.

                                                Soyoung stared as the world seemed to move in slow motion, his own hair swished about his face at 24 frames per second. If Jin was going to get beaten badly enough in the first place, it was going to be three times worse now and why was that? Because Soyoung interfered and caused that very anger that fueled the fight in the first place to bubble over in a steaming hot mass that would engulf the weakened Jinhwa all in the name of Soyoung's stupidity. It was like the boy could hear Hunsoo's feet grind at the gravel in a prolonged echo in his head as a mockery used to make sure Soyoung could hear the countdown to when Hunsoo would let all out on the male who Soyoung wanted more than anything to protect. He had to make Hunsoo specifically mad at him. Soyoung had to do something that would make Hunsoo forget why he was wanting revenge with Jinhwa in the first place. And when his short-circuiting mind was scrounging about for an action that could do just that, he remembered something: his sexual orientation was what caused this all in the first place, was it not? It was what disgusted Hunsoo the most to the point that the very sight of Soyoung sent a vengeful chill down his spine, right?

                                                Time seemed to return to fast-speed and Soyoung didn't even think for a single second before he darted up to Hunsoo once more, grabbed his shirt for hopefully the last time, pulled himself up, and pressed semi-opened lips against Hunsoo's own mouth that had been parted due to the adrenaline that forced him to clench his jaw. Within that milisecond of mindless actions, Soyoung closed his lips upon Hunsoo's in an attempt at sensuality he had never mastered nor knew how to perform. But before he could even so much as comprehend what he had done, he was sent flying far harder than either of the times before, his body impacted against the dirt and rocks as he laid an even distance between where Hunsoo stood and where Jinhwa laid. Soyoung's breathing was audibly shaky but not nearly as loud as the hissing noise coming from the male 6 feet in front of him, bowing his muscles as crazed eyes looked down at Soyoung with the accompaniment of bared and gritted teeth. Of course Soyoung was scared out of his wits and the thought of going anywhere near Hunsoo after that moment seemed as if it was a guarantee of a week in the hospital. But he could see his screwed-up, mili-second thought-of plan had worked. Hunsoo's eyes never once returned to where Jin was recovering because they were too busy staring down Soyoung with eyes unlike the boy had ever witnessed before. It was like Hunsoo was a famished werewolf sizing up his next slaughter victim but for some reason the male was stiff as a statue, as if trying to pace himself so as to not be convicted of murder.

                                                Horror shot through Soyoung's body like a thousand little darts in his veins because his large eyes couldn't detach from the murderous glint in Hunsoo's own. But when he could hear Jin's breathing behind him, it was all the courage he needed to press his fingers into the dirt beneath him so he could get up and walk the green mile to where Hunsoo stood. "Soyoung!!" Rae called out, just to be ignored by the boy who was determined to keep Hunsoo's fury off on Jin and on his own self. There was nothing anyone could do but to watch as Soyoung slid his hands up and around the statue's neck, fingers of one hand tangling into the shortly cropped hair, and pulling up into the lips that felt so disgusting to him that it was a wonder he didn't vomit straight into Hunsoo's shockingly opened mouth. He was so close, he just knew it, to getting Hunsoo's fury to unleash upon him and no other. So even though his heart pounded deafeningly in his ears and his knees were on the verge of collapsing in his fear and apprehension, he kept going. Anything to save Jinhwa, whose image was like a large painting hung in his mind, the way he bled and suffered all due to Soyoung's cursed existence. He tightened his clinging embrace as his tongue bravely ventured into the sweltering hollow of Hunsoo's mouth. He had expected to instantly be thrashed backward, followed by a series of rib-crushing punches as Jun would be able to bring Jinhwa to safety. But instead, Hunsoo still hesitated in a moment of chasmic confusion for both of them. But nothing could compare to the bewildered, repulsed, and terrified emotion Soyoung experienced when he felt a tongue reaching back into his own mouth, popping his eyes wide open as it took every ounce of strength he had left not to pull away and scream. If his heart was pounding before, it was in overdrive now and he didn't know what to do, how to react to such a situation. And in seconds that followed where Hunsoo's tongue moved about like an oversized larva, he found that he was all out of ideas.

                                                But it only took those few seconds for Hunsoo to realize what was happening, what he was doing, and who was watching and a switch flipped in the blink of an eye to send his fist driving straight into Soyoung's lower abdomen. A raspy, deep noise escaped him as the air did and he collapsed to the ground once more, Hunsoo following with that same crazed look in his eyes as he straddled the boy and grasped at Soyoung's shirt to pull him closer and scream in his face. "YOU'RE A ******** DEMON SENT FROM HELL!!" he proclaimed at a volume so alarming it should have shook the ground. But all Soyoung heard was a muffled rendition as it seemed the pain in his stomach had the magical ability to dull all of his senses, including perception. But there was one thing he comprehended very well: his plan was working and the proof was felt in the collison of Hunsoo's fist to his face. "I'LL KILL YOU TO SEND YOU BACK, f*****t ********] And he reeled back once more only to be interrupted by Rae's shoe to his face, flying Hunsoo back as Junchin and Seung grabbed at Rae to pull him away. But when Seung realized that the shoulder he was so near holstered a huge orange spider, he jumped back on instinct.

                                                The excruciation Soyoung's mind was overwhelmed with kept his eyes rolling back as he fought and fought his best to not pass out, coughing repetitiously due to the blow to his stomach that caused his throat to clench. But he clawed at the ground, rolled, and attempted to push himself up. "Everyone g-" but he just let out another reel of uncontrollable coughs before he could finish telling everyone to go, get out of here, get to safety.



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