I'm In Trouble, I'm An Addict.

People who are reading along:

+1	100.0%	[ 17 ]
Total Votes:			[ 17 ]

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Charlie gave the female an apologetic smile when she spoke of therapy being a blast. Sadly his smile would not help her any. Their sessions would not be fun – Charlie had spent enough time in therapy before being thrown into this place to understand the ins and outs of it. Even if they were given a seemingly nice therapist the outcome would always be the same: it would all be based on the judgements of one person which could result in numerous people treating you a specific way (and in places like this it was always negative treatment). Inside of this building the therapists would be the equivalent of Gods: informing all the doctors and nurses of how they were to treat the patients. It would not be fun at all. Moreover, it would be dragged out – which wouldn’t please the female any at all. It didn’t please Charlie, yet he was used to it. Well, he was as used to it as a person could get. He was better equipped to dealing with it than the female was which meant he had the upper hand on that front. In all fairness it was probably the only thing he had the upper hand in – when it came to being social, open about what was running through her mind and willing to speaking to other people the female won the race every time.

“I could just imagine you as a therapist,” Charlie mused, eyeing the female. “You would most certainly be different. In fact, I’m sure you’d make a much better therapist than most of those I’ve been sent to.” And it was true. Charlie wasn’t saying those words just to please the female, as he genuinely did believe that the female would be much more interesting than those he had been lumbered with. For starters the tattoos would be a massive difference. He was fairly certain that the therapists that he had seen had lacked pierced ears, let alone anything more adventurous. Moreover, whilst listening to therapists would probably leave her with a favourite approach (even though she seemed to disagree with everything Charlie had mentioned the therapist might say) she was much more open-minded than he could imagine any therapist to be. Charlie could imagine that they were all rather drab whilst growing up. Of course, such a generalisation had no backing yet he was willing to make the jump until someone had evidence to prove him otherwise.

The next thing to leave the female’s mouth left the male shrugging his shoulders. Chances were they had been (and still were) walking upon the same line of thought: the two of them shouldn’t be kept locked up inside of a room for an extensive period of time yet it was likely to happen. Charlie had a feeling they would only be let out for their meetings with the doctors and their therapy sessions (be them group or single). He was on the fence as to whether food would be brought to the rooms or whether everyone was to head to one main cafeteria at certain times in the day to eat. As for going outside for fresh air… well, Charlie had a feeling that prisoners got a better deal on that front than those inside of the building would get. With the type of people who were inside of the building he imagined fresh air was at the bottom of the priority list – most were more likely to try and run away than they were to sit around enjoying the small amount of time in the sun they were being given. Despite all of this Charlie took a deep breath and tried to offer up a convincing answer: “I’m sure they’ll let us out soon enough. We’re being given this time to settle in and whatever have you may – they are just keeping us here until it is time to go to a session. They’re liable to waltz in any second and take us our separate ways where we will find out more about what our rights are in here. Or something akin to that…”

Charlie’s eyes drifted towards the door as though he expected someone to barge in and prove his point to the female. Alas, such was not the case. Nothing happened: the door did not open and Charlie was left staring at a motionless spot. Charlie couldn’t quite decide if he was disappointed or not. On the one hand he had hoped someone would walk in, as if to prove they were listening in and knew that the duo wished to leave the room, yet on the other hand he had known nothing would happen. Even if someone had been listening in they wouldn’t pick that moment to enter the room – it would be far too obvious as to what was going on. Although, at the same time, if it happened due to a massive coincidence it would have been highly amusing (not that Charlie and Audrina would have been aware either way). Luckily, before his thoughts could progress any further into complete uselessness, the female was speaking up again. Upon hearing her voice Charlie turned his attention back to the female’s bed and shook his head.

“Nobody but my mother,” Charlie told her with a small laugh. “I’m sure the only reason she is waiting is so that she can see whether he money worked to fix me or not.” Charlie gave a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders as if to say he did not care either way. Whilst it would have been nice to have someone other than his mother waiting around – or for his mother to be waiting around for a more positive reason – he knew such was not the case and brooding over it would change nothing. “What about you; who is waiting for you? I mean, I know there is someone there – the conjugal visits suggest as much – but do you care to talk about them? If I am crossing the boundaries in asking that then I’m sorry – I just thought you might like to speak about them seems as though the topic was brought up.”

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

The thought of her as a therapist was one that Audrina was sure anyone would laugh at. It was enough to make her want to burst into laughter. There were some people that were just made to 'help' others, and she never thought she was one of those people. She was more the type of person who was just trying to enjoy life. Helping people wasn't on her list of things to do, but she did enjoy bringing a smile to someone's face. That was always an added bonus to her day. Thus far she was already enjoying the bit of joy she had brought to Charlie.

Audrina sure did hope that he was right. Though she was beginning to wonder if getting up would only make her woozy. At the moment, just opening her eyes was enough to make her head throb, she could only imagine the effect standing would have. The thought was a little upsetting. She didn't want to think about her ill effects, or what was to come within the next few hours and days thanks to her lack of substances. It was probably one of the major reasons she started talking again.

For the moment she actually decided to go ahead and open her eyes to look at him after he brought up that only his mother was waiting for him. Laughing as he flipped the question on her. He seemed so apologetic over asking, and that only made her want to laugh even harder. ”It's... Well... It's hard to explain... We're nothing serious. Just friends... with benefits. It's been that way for quite some time. We tried the couple thing, but it just never worked out right. We were no good at staying faithful to each other, and it always ended up in a fight. We realized that we were better as friends, and for the occasional release. If you know what I mean.” Her head was aching even more, but she tried to keep the pain off her face as she smiled at him. ”Other then Dallas though, it's just my brother. I guess it's sweet that he cares, but I just wish he wouldn't care so much. You know what I mean? He rives me a little crazy sometimes.”

That was it. She couldn't keep her eyes open anymore, or hold back the grimace that pulled to her features as the ache overtook her. Squeezing her eyes shut, she brought her hand up to her head and applied pressure to the area that ached the most, just hoping it would relieve a little of the pain. Laying there like that for a moment, she finally managed to get out a weak, ”Sorry. My head's killing me.” Brushing her hair out of her face, she opened her eyes again to look at him and gave a somewhat forced smile to him. ”No big deal.” She didn't want him worrying about her. She hated when people fussed over her, though that was likely because deep down she didn't feel she deserved it.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Charlie nodded his head at her explanation of Dallas. He wasn’t quite sure what the correct response happened to be. He felt as though no matter what words left his mouth he would end up saying something awkward, something embarrassing – basically, something that was well and truly the wrong thing to say in such a situation. That wasn’t to say he had anything against someone in a friends with benefits relationship, it just wasn’t for him. In fact, it seemed as though no relationship was for him. Of course, that was a line of though he wasn’t going to be strolling upon. He knew that some people were dependent upon others to get them through the day whereas there were some people who could spend countless years as a hermit without noticing the difference (or maybe even feeling better in their isolation). Charlie pretty much fell into the second category. He was far too awkward to head out in search of any kind of relationship (be it a romantic relationship or not). And that was fine by him, he’d accepted that. It just left him unsure of what the correct words were for the explanation he had just been given.

He did, however, know what to say in relation to the brother comment. Her brother was the equivalent of his mother. “They care in all of the wrong ways,” Charlie muttered, giving her a weak smile to show he understood what she meant. Yes, it was nice to know that someone did care about you; however, you wished that they would care in a different way. They do not know what it is like to be doing the things you do – in Charlie’s case self-harming and in Audrina’s case drugs – therefore the assumptions they come to are often wrong. They cannot grasp why you are doing such a thing even when you try to explain it to them. They just see the worst in the situation – they see it as being wrong, as there being something wrong with you. At that point you stop wishing that they cared, you end up wishing that they went back to their world of oblivion. If they couldn’t return to such a world then you start to wish that they were like the large majority of people you know: you wish that they didn’t care at all, that they would just leave you be.

At this point, the female seemed to grimace which left Charlie questioning whether he had somehow managed to say the wrong thing. Luckily for him it quickly became apparent that the expression upon the female’s face was not due to his words. Unluckily for the female the expression was caused by pain. It didn’t take Charlie long to work out what was wrong, although it did shock him slightly. He hadn’t expected the withdrawal symptoms to kick in so soon. Perhaps she’d gone quite a while without a fix before entering the building. Whereas Charlie had sat slicing his skin before departing the female clearly hadn’t been given a chance to use her choice of poison before being shipped off to this place. Even though Charlie knew what was wrong he didn’t know how to fix it. He could, in theory, call for help but he wasn’t sure what good that would do. It looked as though this place was sadistic enough to leave the female to go cold turkey, despite all the dangers it involved. Considering how this place was supposed to help people, it seemed as though they wanted to do nothing other than watch the pain of those locked away inside.

“Don’t be sorry,” Charlie muttered. He wasn’t sure whether he was to look over at Audrina or not. On the one hand he wanted to make sure she was okay, yet on the other hand he didn’t want her to feel as though he was staring at her. He didn’t want her to feel as though her pain was some cheap entertainment for him. “There is no reason for you to apologise. You’re in pain, it’s understandable. I’m fairly certain that you could set out a lawsuit against this place for leaving you to go cold turkey. Not that my words will be helping you feel better… sorry.” Not only was Charlie clueless as to what he was supposed to do, but he was also clueless as to what he was supposed to say. Although, he couldn’t imagine that any words at all would help the female. The only thing speaking would do is intensify the headache. When in pain people preferred the silence over the constant ramble of someone like Charlie who ended up running in circles around a topic. Yet, at the same time, Charlie didn’t want to do nothing. He felt as though he had to help the female in some way.

“It may not be a big deal to you, but I think you need some kind of help.” Charlie was chewing down on his bottom lip as he spoke, eyes scanning the room. If they really were being watched people would know that the female was in pain. That annoyed him more than it should have. They were simply standing by, watching the female in pain. They were supposed to be doctors and nurses, not some useless individual walking the corridors in case someone tried to escape. This wasn’t a prison this was a hospital – albeit a hospital for addictions, but still a hospital. Slowly, eyes flickering towards Audrina and then away again, Charlie got to his feet and made his way over to the door. He wasn’t sure if it would be locked or not, so he simply stood there and called out. “Hello, is anyone out there? Is it possible to get a little bit of help in here?” It seemed like a longshot, he doubted anyone was outside, but it was worth a try. It was possible that his words – if picked up by whatever device they were using to listen in – would bring someone running.

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

”I'll say. Its great that they care, but they just twist things up in their minds. Just because something's wrong for them doesn't mean it's wrong for you or me.” She, just like Charlie liked what she did, and didn't want to change that. It felt right to her, so who was to say it was wrong. If in the end it killed her, she would just be glad to know she left feeling good, assuming she didn't die from a bad batch. Either way, she knew she felt at her best when she was high, and she couldn't see how that was wrong. Now if only she could get her brother and the therapist here to see that. Yeah right. She knew that wouldn't happen. It was wrong to them and there was no skewing their minds on that. ”Sometimes I wish he didn't care at all.” She let out a heavy sigh.

After she'd apologized over her little bout of pain, she focused on his words, and couldn't help but chuckle. ”Yeah, and the courts would turn down my suit because I'm just a druggie.” The pain was beginning to subside for the moment, though she was sure it would be back. ”I should try it though. I might be able to get this place closed down.” Now that would be awesome. Shaking her head, she turned and glanced over at him, ”You say I shouldn't be sorry. You seem to be sorry about everything. You really need to stop apologizing over everything.”

Letting out a sigh, she rolled her eyes and shook her head, though he seemed to be looking for something, or rather, trying to figure something out. Seeing him walk towards the door, she looked at him in question. When he called out for help she couldn't help but smirk. ”Don't worry Chuck. Besides, I'm sure they're not gonna do anything. I'm only in the early stages of detox. Nothing major. Right now they're likely thinking, 'just some minor pain for the time being, not like she'll go into convulsions or anything.'” She mocked the doctor as she slowly pushed herself to a sitting position. ”Besides, the pain's starting to die down.” Her head still hurt, but it was more of a tingle then the pain she'd felt before. The light did still feel too bright, but she could ignore that.

A few minutes had passed since Charlie called for help, and she shrugged with a false smirk, ”I told you they wouldn't come. They may care once things start getting worse.” At least she was hoping. The idea of suffering from withdrawals still scared her more than anything, but she was going to do her best to hide that fact from everyone, especially the therapist. He'd more then likely see it as some deep rooted fear of being hurt or something stupid like that. ”I'm alright thought. The pain's almost completely gone.” It was an incredibly dull pain now. One she could ignore well enough. One thing was sure, she was positive it would come back with a vengeance. ”Sorry if I worried you.” She gave him a more sincere smile as she turned to hang her feet off the side of her bed.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


She had the right of it: the people who cared about them did care in the wrong way. Charlie’s mother, for example, had twisted it up in her mind to make it seem as though Charlie was attempting suicide on a regular basis. That was not the case. Charlie’s actions were not done as a suicide attempt, no; they were attempts to feel better. It usually worked. He could never explain it to his mother – or a therapist, or anyone else who had never been in his position – but somehow doing what he did made him feel better. As his roommate had just said, it may have been wrong for other people but it wasn’t wrong for him. It worked. It was his escape. Everyone had their vices and this was his. Chances were his mother had her own addiction that needed dealing with, one that he would categorise as being as potentially dangerous as his self-harming, yet he wasn’t there making a fuss out of it. He understood that everyone had their needs. If someone is going to stop with their vices they will do so of their own accord in time, forcing them isn’t going to help.

The next word he heard, however, left a frown tugging at his features. She did have a point: she wouldn’t be considered a reliable witness due to her addiction. Charlie had seen enough crime dramas to know how well that would go. Even if there were a large number of people all making the same point he couldn’t imagine the police taking them seriously. Even if he went along as well he would probably get pushed aside as well. He could only imagine the notes upon his medical records, all things that would leave the police questioning whether he could be trusted. Being thrown into this place would surely work against him if he ever wished to stand beside others in working to shut down the hell he was currently inside of. “Maybe it will at least be enough to spark an investigation,” Charlie offered up. If the police at least listened to their words then a more reliable person, some kind of expert, could be sent in to get an inside look. “And I’m sorry about being sorry all the time,” Charlie went on. Although, apologising for his apologising was only creating a further cycle.

The talk of her only being in the early stages of detox did little to help how he was feeling. If this was only the early stages he was glad that his addiction would be all psychological dependence and no physiological side effects. Unless you counted the nicotine addiction, but that wasn’t really what he was in for – and even then, weaning yourself off cigarettes was much easier than weaning yourself off illegal substances. It still wouldn’t be fun, but he wasn’t going to find himself in as much of a mess as his roommate – luckily. Sadly, he would have to watch. That was torture enough. He would be stuck watching her, aware that there was little that he could do to help her. It was almost as though they were using her as an example of ‘look, don’t do drugs otherwise you end up in this state’. Of course, there was a message for her as well through him, a ‘look, don’t self-harm otherwise you’ll end up like him’.

When a few minutes passed without anyone arriving Charlie let out a small sigh, shaking his head. What a great help they were. What if something serious had been happening? How bad did things need to be before someone arrived to help? “You keep saying the pain is almost gone,” Charlie told her, “almost as though you’re trying to convince yourself and not me.” With another sigh, Charlie returned to his bed, sitting on the edge of it to look over at his roommate. She didn’t look like she was about to black out or anything. But Charlie was no medical expert and his knowledge of this kind of thing was rather limited. Chances were he wouldn’t know something was wrong until things were too late. “Don’t be sorry,” Charlie told her, a small smile tugging at his lips. “This apologising thing is becoming a habit for us both already.”

Charlie let that hang in the air for a few seconds before he spoke up again, his voice soft. “Tell me honestly this time, how do you actually feel?”

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

The apology for apologizing made Audrina chuckle. It was a silly thing to do. But what made it even more comical was the fact he seemed sincere about it, he wasn't trying to make a joke of it. It made her want to.... squish his face or something. He was so socially awkward that he just didn't seem to know not to apologize for something. It was like he truly didn't want to offend. It was sweet, but as she'd said before, it took a whole lot to offend her.

Looking over at him, she shrugged to his words. In a way, she was trying to convince herself that the pain was almost gone. It helped her to know the pain was temporary and not that bad. Though she was sure once things got worse, she wasn't going to be able to tell herself it was almost over. Almost wouldn't come fast enough at that time and she already knew it. Another soft chuckle escaped her lips as he brought up the apologies. ”It does seem that way doesn't it. Okay. No more apologizing to each other. For anything. Deal?” She was sure it would be easier for her to stop saying sorry than it would be for him.

As she sat on the edge of her bed, she lifted her eyes to look at him when he questioned her. With a smile she responded, ”I'm alright. Just a little headache. It's like.... Like the end of a hangover headache. You know when you're just getting over it, and it's more of an annoyance than an actual pain. That's what it feels like right now.” Even the lighting didn't seem like too much of a problem any more.

Deciding to go back to their getting to know each other she asked, ”So Chuck, what'd you do for work before you got thrown in here?” Really, she just didn't want him to be worrying about her anymore, and she figured if they went on to talking about random things, he wouldn't.



{{It's pretty short. Sorry about that.}}

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Charlie was still ill at ease about how the members of staff were so willing to ignore people when they were clearly going through a difficult time dealing with their detox. What kind of a hell had he been shipped off to? Once again it rung in his mind that he was lucky not to have a physical dependence upon his main addiction. Quitting the cigarettes wouldn’t be the most comfortable of habits to break and yet it was still much easier than going through what his roommate was dealing with. The again, watching the female deal with such a thing would be hard on him. It would almost be a form of psychological torture: forcing him to watch another deal with pain as he sat around unable to offer up any aid besides comforting words. Surely though, they wouldn’t leave her to go through cold turkey by herself. In the end they would have to intervene. They had to intervene. Such a thing had to go against the ethical practices in place in these kinds of places.

Luckily, Audrina chuckled at his words which brought his thoughts to an end. He was glad that his awkwardness was able to bring about a laugh from the female. Even though it was at his expense it was nice to hear such a sound from her considering what she was going through. With a small smile on his face Charlie nodded when Audrina brought up ending their reign of apologising. “No more apologising no matter what,” Charlie agreed. Of course, it was easier said than done. Apologising was something that came naturally to him. It had been ingrained in his personality to apologise for things. It was just the way he was. Breaking the habit of saying sorry would be much harder to do than giving up the things he’d been thrown into this hell for. After all, he had broken his self-harming habit once before. Nevertheless, he would try his hardest to stop with his apologising so that he didn’t leave Audrina banging her head off a wall in annoyance.

The smile she offered him was almost convincing of her being fine yet her eyes seemed to betray her somewhat. Clearly she didn’t wish to speak too much about what she was going through therefore Charlie didn’t push her any. Instead of pushing the matter he simply nodded his head at her explanation. Worse was to come – they both knew that – and if they couldn’t deal with this… well, it wasn’t worth thinking about what was to come. With a little bit of luck – or a lot of luck with the way things were looking – someone would come and help if things got too difficult for the duo. Until that point, Charlie wouldn’t push the matter beyond it seeming like a hangover headache. Anyway, Audrina was moving onwards and upwards with her questioning. She was back to the getting to know each other, pulling the attention away from the little mishap.

“What did I do for work?” Charlie muttered, his eyes drifting away from hers for a moment as he scanned the room. He wasn’t really looking for anything in particular, as he was just mulling over how best to answer her words. After a few moments of silence he met her eyes once again and gave a light shrug of his shoulders. “If you want the truth I’m the King of the Unemployed,” Charlie answered. His tone made it obvious that he was joking about his status as one of the unemployed yet at the same time there was a note of sadness below the joke. He really had tried to change his life, to do something other than wallowing around in self-pity, yet getting a job was much harder than he ever would have thought. “The economy has gone to hell and I’m not really the employable type.” Again, he gave a shrug.

“What about you? How was your status as an integrated member of society?”

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

In her mind, Audrina was toying with the thought of how long he'd last without apologizing. Part of her was sure he'd apologize within the next hour, but then she sort of thought he might be able to make it the rest of the day without saying the word 'sorry'. Either way it would be interesting to see.

After she questioned work, she saw him looking around, and she wondered just what he was looking for. It seemed he was in search of the right way to answer. Though the joke was beyond obvious, she could also hear the gloom behind his words. It wasn't easy to find work. She knew that too. ”What? You not employable?” she asked like she truly didn't understand. ”But you're so outgoing and talkative,” she couldn't help but tease. ”At least you are once the shell's cracked open a little,” she spoke a little more seriously as she smiled at him. He was awkward, but she found that fun, and once he did start opening up, he was quite friendly.

”Trust me I know what you mean about it being hard to find work. Though I will admit I didn't look nearly as hard as I could have. I was a part time bartender. Mainly I just mooched off of Dallas.” Working at a bar was good, and bad all at the same time. Being who she was, she managed to coax a lot of people to buy her drinks, but she also had a hard time focusing for too long if she wasn't high as a kite. It made taking orders harder to do, which was the reason she was only allowed to work part time. ”The only reason I got the job though was thanks to Dallas. One of the managers is a friend of his and he talked the guy into hiring me.” Dallas said he needed at least a little help, even just an extra hundred bucks a week was better then nothing.

Looking to him, Audrina wondered, ”What do you think you're gonna do when you get out of here?” She wondered even what she would do. One thing she was pretty sure about is that she'd likely go right back to her way of living. She had never seen anything wrong, so why wouldn't she want to go back to it? Of course there was the slight possibility that Dallas wouldn't take her back in after all this. That was a kind of scary thought. What would she do with herself? The thought started to take over her mind for a little bit, but she shook it off, pulled a smile back to her lips, and looked to Charlie to see what he thought would happen to his life after this.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Charlie stared blankly at Audrina as she made a joke about him being unemployable, of how he was outgoing and talkative. He knew that it was intended to bring a smile to his face and yet he couldn’t help but question how his life would have turned out had he been that way. Obviously he wouldn’t be in his current predicament. If he had been more outgoing when growing up, had he been more talkative, he may well have found himself with friends who would have stopped him slipping off the deep end. He never would have found himself sitting around with a blade in his hand, pressing it against his skin. Alas, there was nothing that he could do about it now. What’s done is done: there was no changing the past. The only thing he could do was try and change the way he was so that he didn’t walk the same path in the future. Just as was the case with the apologising issue it was much easier said than done: you cannot wake up one morning and suddenly become a whole new person. Obviously you can wake up with the intention to try and step out of your comfort zone and yet doing such a thing isn’t as straight forwards as books and movies make it seem.

When Audrina went on to add that he was only such a way when his shell had been cracked open a little he gave he a small smile, aware of what she was doing, aware that he needed to give some kind of response. He would beg to differ – he didn’t see himself in the light that she apparently saw him in – but he was willing to play along with her words. Charlie would never have a personality that mirrored Audrina’s – even she had to be aware of that. Of course, such was the least of his issues in the moment. He was inside of this place to overcome his addiction, not to undergo a personality change. It was possible that the two were interconnected and in fixing one he would change the other, but he would not hold onto that hope. Changing his personality – at least attempting to make some positive changes on that front – would come once he was outside of this little hellhole he’d been locked away in. After all, it wasn’t as though he would be getting much practice in for real life whilst inside of this building.

All such thoughts were brushed aside as Audrina spoke up about her life prior to being locked away. Charlie wasn’t at all surprised to hear she worked in a bar, an image quickly appearing in his mind. He could imagine some kind of biker’s bar, with the pounding music and bearded men laughing loudly as Audrina offered them her signature smile and their usual drinks. It was a more than fitting image for the female. In fact, Charlie couldn’t imagine anything more perfect for her. It seemed to fit with her personality better than anything else that Charlie could imagine – certainly more than the usual jobs such as working in a supermarket and whatever had you may. Even without the aid of Dallas, Charlie was sure that the female would have been able to get such a job.

Her next question had Charlie continuing on his silence for a while, although this time it wasn’t through listening to her words as he was once again searching for an answer. After a few moments of contemplating his options Charlie gave a small sigh, followed by a shake of his head. “I honestly do not know,” Charlie admitted. “Part of me doesn’t even want to think that far ahead. I’ll just get excited at the prospect of getting out of here only to find out that I won’t be leaving for a few more months if they let me out on good behaviour. Plus, I’ve never been all that great at imagining my future. It always comes up blank. There are things I’d like to do but I can never imagine doing them. I really do lack an answer to that question.” It was on the tip of his tongue to add the word ‘sorry’ onto the end of his explanation, and yet somehow he managed to bite it back just before it left his lips.

“Any particular plans for when you get out?”

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

The admission that he had no idea what he would do after this actually made Audrina feel a little better. It made her feel a little less lost to know that she wasn't the only one unsure of what she would do after she got out of here. He was right about knowing he'd be stuck here for a few more months. She herself was positive she'd be here for quite some time, and the thought upset her more then she wanted to admit. Her entire life was put on hold, just because her brother thought she needed help.

When he finished talking, she could almost see the apology in his eyes, and Audrina smiled when no 'sorry' followed his words. She was about to commend him for it, but she figured it was best to just let her smile tell it. Sometimes words fell short, and in this instance, she felt that was the case.

As the question was flipped on her, she tried to think of the right way to go about answering it. ”I guess my main goal when I get out of here is going to be to try and get my life back in order.” Of course, she wasn't talking about making things 'right'. No, she meant more like getting her old job back, moving back in with Dallas, getting her drug stash back. That sort of thing. She didn't want to say that out loud though, because she had the feeling they were definitely being listened to now. ”I might try to see if I can get more then just a part time job though. It would be nice to pull in more then just a couple hundred a week. I know for a fact that when I'm out of here I plan to get another tattoo though, just to mark that I survived.” She chuckled a little, as she wondered what she would get to remind her that she made it out of here. ”Maybe a straight jacket.”

After a moment there was a knock on their door, and one of the nurses walked in, ”It's time for your sessions.” It was all that was said as the man moved to step just outside of the door in wait for them to come out.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Charlie was able to see the recognition in her eyes when he held back his apology, the small smile in her eyes bringing a smile to his lips. Despite the negative mood that his lack of knowledge of his life seemed to have inflicted upon him, Charlie somehow found himself unable to hold back the tiny smile that the female left threatening his lips. Once again it was reiterated that she was one of those people who he would get along with exceptionally easily, no matter what events transpired in this little slice of hell they now called their homes. This ordeal would be no walk in the park but at the very least he wasn’t walking the path alone. Already Charlie felt as though he’d found a friend… or at least as close to a friend as he would ever make in a place like this… or in his life at all, considering how he’d never been exceptionally close to anyone.

When Audrina spoke up of her plans Charlie gave a nod of his head. When she spoke of getting her ‘life back in order’ he had to question whether she intended to stay upon the straight and narrow path of being sober or whether she intended to return back to the drugs. Of course, Charlie knew better than to ask such a question out loud. Both seemed viable options when it came to Audrina, yet Charlie found himself hoping that she would go with the former – that she would decide to stay clean once she was out. Whilst it was her life meaning she could make whatever choices she wished, Charlie already felt as though she was one of those people who deserved the good things in life. He would like to see her get the best out of everything. If she was to go through the hell of detoxing only to create a circle whereby she once again ended up in another building which condemned her lifestyle choices… well, it really wasn’t something he would like to hear about at any point.

At the notion of getting a tattoo Charlie gave the female a large smile. “I must admit, I do like the sound of getting a tattoo by way of marking survival. I may very well have to spend more time debating ink for my own skin,” Charlie told her. “Furthermore, I like the idea of you adding a straitjacket to your already wonderful collection.” It wasn’t something that Charlie would do for his first tattoo however it made perfect sense to mark it as another landmark upon the female’s body. Perhaps he would manage to find a quote or something that he could use as a marker for his survival. That being said, he didn’t need to make the choice instantly. Charlie had plenty of time ahead, plenty of time locked inside of this little slice of hell, in which he could mull over his possible tattoo choices. The tattoo wouldn’t be happening for quite some time thus he would be able to come up with something perfect for the occasion.

As if to emphasis the point that Charlie had plenty of time ahead of him the door opened up and a nurse appeared, informing them that their sessions were about to start. Instantly a frown appeared upon Charlie’s face, his mind racing with how mere minutes earlier they’d asked for help and had been ignored. It was probably some clause in the nurse’s work agreement which left him unable to help and yet Charlie felt some kind of distain to the male in particular, despite knowing better. Nevertheless, he stood up and headed out of the door in silence, his eyes scanning the bland surroundings once more.

“Charlie you’re to follow me. Audrina you are to follow my colleague,” the nurse informed them. As soon as the words left the male’s mouth each nurse started to walk off, each heading in opposite directions. With a small sigh, Charlie offered Audrina one last smile before dropping his eyes to the floor and following the nurse along the corridor as though he was some misbehaving teenager being directed to the principal’s office after being caught red-handed.

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

Audrina nodded in agreement when he spoke of some ink for his own skin. ”You should. I'm telling you, you're made for ink.” Some people just looked like they were supposed to have tattoos and to her Charlie was definitely in that category. For a moment, she looked down at herself, trying to figure out where she would get the straight jacket. Though there was plenty of time to decide that. More time than she wanted.

After the nurse told them it was time to go, Audrina looked to Charlie and frown just as he had. Neither of them were all too happy about what they were about to do. She, herself was more disliking the idea that someone was going to try and make sense of her 'messed up' life. The thought that the nurses hadn't come when called moments before didn't even seem to be though in her head. In fact, she'd almost completely forgotten about the incident. It would likely come back once the headaches and withdrawals kicked in again.

Hearing they would be separated so soon, Audrina pouted a little, but then looked to Charlie with a smile, ”See ya soon, Chuck.” Turning, she followed the other nurse down the hall. She, unlike Charlie didn't go quietly.

”So what's a job like this pay? Is it any good? I mean it's gotta for you to run around with the title of a nurse.” She was nervous, and in order to hide it, she talked. A lot. It was habit. ”You know, I really haven't seen many murses. Seems like you guys got 'em all here. Is this where you all go when you graduate from nursing school?” Okay, so it was more than just talking. She was being a bit patronizing, but that had a lot to do with the situation she was in. She didn't like it, so she wasn't planning on going down easily.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


As Charlie followed the nurse away from their room to whatever new therapy session was in store for him inside of this little hell, he could hear Audrina chatting away to the nurse who was leading her in the opposite direction. Looking over his shoulder as they turned a corner, Charlie gave a smile at the sight – and the words. Of course she would have a conversation that would leave people smiling… well, normal people, people who weren’t being paid to hurl around addicts. Even then, Charlie was sure the nurses would have a little chat about her comment in private, possibly laughing at the assumption that all the male nurses in the country ended up here due to the pay. Charlie was positive that he would find the need to share such a joke with his work colleagues when they were out of earshot.

Alas, Charlie wouldn’t be around to hear what other amusing comment Audrina had to make. No sooner had they turned the corner than the nurse came to a stop, knocking on a door. There was a brief moment of silence pass through the corridor before a voice beyond the door told them to enter. The door was opened, the nurse stepped out of the way and Charlie was ushered inside. He was barely over the threshold when the door shut behind him, leaving him alone with his new therapist. Shuffling his feet slight, Charlie glanced around the room, taking in his new environment. It was much the same as the room he’d had sessions in prior to being locked inside of a building. The only difference was the therapist. “I’m Doctor Newman,” the female said, offering him a well-practiced smile. Charlie could easily imagine her sitting in front of a mirror rehearsing the cheesy grin, perfecting it. “Please, take a seat.” After a heartbeat, Charlie did what was asked. “How are you getting along with your roommate?”

That was different. Of course, Charlie had never been to a session before in which they could ask him such a question. It caught him of guard, so much so that he nodded his head. It wasn’t until the female cocked an eyebrow in questioning that Charlie let out a sight and gave a verbal response. “She’s fine… cheery. I’m sure we’ll continue to get on fine,” Charlie assured the doctor. The female gave a pleased nod of her head before opening her mouth to speak again. From there on it went exactly as he’d expected: it went just little every other session he’d been to in his life.

The only change was that he didn’t get to leave alone when his hour was up. When Doctor Newman was done talking – and it was mostly her talking as Charlie kept his lips sealed tightly shut for the majority of the session – she opened up the door to reveal the same nurse standing outside. Had he been listening in or was he just well-timed to have arrived there exactly as she opened the door?

“I’ll be seeing you again in a couple of days, Charlie,” Doctor Newman told the male as he stepped out of the room. “You’ll have some group sessions before you see me again. Perhaps you’ll find it easier to speak in a group?”

Charlie merely gave a nod of his head, fully aware that such would not be the case. As he followed the nurse down the corridor, he realised they were not heading back towards his room. A frown tugged at his features at this, yet he kept his questions to himself. Sometimes it was better not to know what kind of hell was awaiting you just around the corner. Except, luckily, there was no trouble waiting around the corner. Instead of walking towards some kind of rehabilitation technique, Charlie was taken to the cafeteria. Inside of the room, the nurse drifted over to speak to some other individuals dressed in the authoritative costume.

Letting out a small sigh, Charlie scanned the many faces for a glimpse of Audrina but couldn’t find her. Was she still in her session or was she somewhere else? It was impossible for Charlie to get an answer to that question therefore he simply joined the queue for food. When he was at the front he was greeted with exactly what he’d expected: the kind of food you’d imagine in prison, the kind of gloop that didn’t look appetising in any way. Despite the unappealing look of the food, Charlie’s stomach rumbled and he headed into a corner to eat. Finding a lone table, the male sat down, keeping his eyes upon the door as he waited for the female to arrive.

Oddly enough, this was the first time in a very long time that he’d been excited for someone to appear and break his lonely habits.

[Luvly1]

xxxx◦ The deeper you stick it in your vein
xTHE DEEPER THE THOUGHTS,
xxxxxxxthere's no more pain » I'M IN HEAVEN,
xxxxxxxxxxxxx╳ :I'm a god, I'm everywhere,
I feel so hot,
xxxxxxxIt's not a habit, it's cool, » I feel alive

The entire time they walked, Audrina went on with her smart remarks. At first it started to hide her nerves, then to fill the silence, but it ended up with her trying to get some kind of reaction out of the nurse walking her.

Stopping at a door, she waited for him to open it. Before walking in, she turned to him and smiled, ”I'll miss ya while your gone. Until we meet again.” The guy simply rolled his eyes at her as he closed the door behind her. She took it as one step closer to breaking the guy. She coaxed some kind of reaction out of him. That had to be more than any other patient had ever done. It was definitely a win to her.

”Please. Sit.” Turning, she saw a man with an overly friendly smile on his face. It had to be a therapists way of trying to break you into spilling everything.

'Nice try.' Sitting down, she crossed her legs under her, and rested her hands on her ankles as she looked to the man. ”So is it only men that work here? I think I only saw one woman when I first got here.” Of course she was the first to break the silence. It was what she did.

The man let out a fake chuckle, and brushed off her question. ”I'm Dr. Hensley. It's nice to finally meet you Audrina.” The man was acting as though he had heard about her for quite some time, but she knew that wasn't the case. There was noway.

Their time droned on, mainly because Audrina refused to speak other than to give her wisecracks. By the end of their session, she could tell she was beginning to get under the good doctor's skin. The thought was amusing, especially since she figured they were supposed to be able to withstand anything. Apparently she was just too much to handle.

The doctor seemed beyond relieved when their time was up and the nurse came to escort her to the cafeteria. With a smile on her lips, she popped up off the chair and followed the male nurse away from the room. Once again, she talked the entire time. This time speaking mostly of how they needed to hire a new decorator.

The second she was left alone, she made her way to get what this place had the nerve to call food. She looked around the room to see who she'd join, and when she did, she caught sight of Charlie sitting alone in a corner. With a smile, she shook her head, and made her way over. ”I think I might end up with an eating disorder thanks to this food.” After she said it, she realized she could offend someone that did have an eating disorder. Looking around at everyone, she loudly said, ”No offense to anyone.” Then she took a seat next to Charlie, and she could feel eyes on her, not that it didn't bother her any. ”So how'd it go Chuck? Any breakthroughs,” she joked as she set her food down and poked at it.

[HIGH on cough sweets]

xxxxxxxxxxxso now i cut these loveless wrists
xxx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■ xx■ ■ ■
xxmy head sure hurts today i'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away
_______________________________________________________________

xxxxOH WHAT A WASTE OF A PERFECTLY GOOD, CLEAN WRIST


Keeping his eyes locked on the doorway, Charlie started to prod at his food. Whether it was due to the grumbling in his stomach or whether he had simply misjudged the food (the usual, never judge a book by its cover saying coming to play), Charlie found that the found wasn’t as abysmal as he’d originally expected it to be. Admittedly it wasn’t the kind of food you would find in a top notch restaurant yet at the same time it could have been much worse. On the scale of how bad it was the hospital landed marginally better than his terrible cooking attempts. When you were a bad cook you soon found out that your stomach was much stronger than expected and that a lot of food really wasn’t all that terrible.

Charlie had emptied half of his plate when he noticed Audrina enter the room, his eyes following her as she made her way towards her food. Once she had collected her food the female’s eyes seemed to land upon Charlie instantly. Even from the short distance across the room he noticed the ghost of a smile on her lips and the slight shake of her head before he made her way over to him. He could already imagine the thoughts that were running through her head – something in regards to how he was sitting alone in the corner. He really was conforming to what most were probably expecting of him, acting as though he was the most antisocial person you were liable to find upon the face of the planet. And to think his new therapist had the nerve to suggest group therapy would get him talking! Of course, that had probably been her attempt at humour – humour which was lost upon Charlie due to the setting he was in.

Upon hearing Audrina speak up, Charlie allowed a smile to cover his face. It wasn’t until she raised her voice that he forced the smile from his features, returning to a more natural look. He hadn’t really thought of those with eating disorders until the female mentioned it. Of course there would be people like that inside of the place. The building seemed to cater to people of all ailments – why shouldn’t they invite people with eating disorders? It all made perfect sense. After all, Charlie was fairly certain there were more people with eating disorders than there were people who self-harmed. Well, he guess there was if you simply used the overarching label of ‘eating disorder’ instead of getting specific and using the individual labels such as anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa.

The flickering thought came and went almost instantly, Charlie’s attention suddenly upon the eyes that he could feel boring into him. Yes, of course Audrina had pulled eyes in their direction. As if being fresh bait wasn’t bad enough they were now making a spectacle of themselves. Not that Charlie was surprised by such a thing: he’d come to anticipate such a thing with Audrina. She wasn’t one to shy away from anything. Except maybe this extended stay inside of hell – but really, who could blame her for that?

“It’s not quite as bad as you’d think,” Charlie told the female, noticing that she was more inclined to poke her food than actually eat it. “Plus, I’m fairly certain if you wish to continue putting up a fight you’re going to want something in your system to prevent your energy reserves from completely depleting.” He didn’t bother mentioning the eating disorder comment – it wasn’t a route either of them would want to walk upon, or so he gathered. Audrina had made her rather loud formal apology and there was nothing more to be done about it.

“As for the breakthrough,” Charlie went on, a small smile threatening to tug at his lips at the female’s joke, “I think it is safe to say I haven’t really progressed much. In fact, starting over meanings I’m at the beginning line once again. Think of the joys I will have going through the motions once again with yet a new therapist. I simply cannot wait!” Charlie shook his head, his fake joy dissipating as soon as he was done with the sentence, his eyes rolling. “How about you; how did your first therapy session play out?”

Even without Audrina offering up an answer, Charlie could imagine how things would play out. It was one of those settings whereby he would be willing to offer up a limb or two just so that he could be a fly on the wall in the room.