ღ A U T U M N ღ

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Elena screamed, earning her another smack across the face as William slammed her into the wall. And he started to grind his hips into hers, not penetrating, but getting him off, none-the-less. She was sobbing at this point. This was so much worse than she had ever imagined...She wanted Henry. She wanted her family. She wanted...She wanted...

The doors opened, and Elena turned her head just enough to see Henry, and she let out a sigh of relief. God had heard her prayers...God had answered them, and didn't fail her...It wasn't until Henry pulled William off that she was finally able to scatter to get some sort of protection against herself, from all the people now coming into her room. Mr. and Mrs. Toole, the servants (both men and women)...she blushed as she attempted to put her ripped nightgown on, because it was the closest thing, but it kept falling off, making her sob harder. It wasn't until one of the women servants came to assist her that she finally got another nightgown on, and was finally able to focus on Henry, who was beating William to bits and pieces. As much as she wanted to see the man dead, she didn't want Henry to go to jail...She didn't want him to be taken away from her, and besides that, she needed his embrace right now. She needed him to hold her, and to be strong. She had been strong as long as she possibly could. She had only just cracked minutes before. She was tired of being strong tonight. She was exhausted, and sore, and she just wanted Henry.

"Henry! Henry, stop it!" she shouted, going to his side, tugging a little on the arm he was striking with. "Henry! Henry, stop it please!" she begged, sobbing. She wanted him to embrace her, protect her from William and all of these other crazy men who would take advantage of her...

[IrelandKiss]

╔══════════════╗
Nστʜɩɴɢ ɩs ɑɴ ɑϲϲɩɗεɴτ
Wε ɑʀε ғʀεε τσ ʜɑѵε ɩτ ɑʟʟ
Wε ɑʀε ѡʜɑτ ѡε ѡɑɴτ τσ ʙε
Iτ's ɩɴ συʀsεʟѵεs τσ ʀɩsε σʀ ғɑʟʟ
╚══════════════╝

Rick let her shout. He didn't try to shush her or quiet her. In a way he was releived to her her yelling as she was, because unlike before, this time she was screaming that she hated God. She hated Him for taking their child away. Their baby. Rick was silent, only holding her tightly in his arms and stroking her long black hair gently. He had done his hating of God. He had spent his time asking why, blaming Him, swearing to hate Him until the day he died. Now it was Julia's turn. She had spent the past week lost in insanity, thinking the baby was alive one moment, too crazed with grief to think at all the next. She had yet to grieve properly. This was the beginning. Shock, and numbness, and then hating the only person you knew who to blame. He knew it would be hard. For both of them, but Julia especially. She had wanted a baby her entire life, and after the trouble when she first realized she was pregnant... It was probably the first truly good time in her life. Now that it was lost to her, Rick knew it would be difficult. But they would have each other, right? They wouldn't be torn apart by this... They couldn't. Not after everything they'd already been through.

He sighed when she rested her forehead in between his neck and shoulder, asking him quickly what she had missed while she was locked up in this room. She remembered nothing, she said. Rick hesitated. What could he say to her? Rose had not had a funeral... She had been buried quickly, in a small plot that Leono had arranged for "just in case". But still he had been there, to watch as the small box with the wrapped bundle was lowered into the ground, buried quickly, and then covered with the stone slab he had insisted on. So that Julia would have somewhere to go when... when she needed it. He didn't know if she remembered hitting Teresa, or telling the guards to arrest him for purposely murdering the child. How could he remind her? He couldn't... Rick knew he couldn't. So he rested his head against hers, kissing her hair softly and taking a breath.

"Nothing," he muttered, "Nothing, really, it... The entire court has been at a stand still waiting for you to get better. Hardly anything has changed except for who is sleeping with who, all that, you know..."

[IrelandKiss]

ⒽⒺⓃⓇⓎ ⓉⓄⓄⓁⒺ


ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

Henry felt the fires of rage pounding through his blood. Elena's sobs, begging him to stop, were all that was able to pull him out of it, weakening his resolve enough that his father and two other manservants were able to pull him off of William. Henry fought still, though. He struggled against their hold, grunting and growling loudly as his face and neck with red with rage. "You b*****d!" he screamed as William struggled through a broken nose and black eyes to get his clothes back on, "I'll have your head! I'll have your head on a spike before you touch her or any woman again!"

"Henry, get control of yourself!"

"I'll kill him... I'll kill him!"

"And you would hang for it, now stop!" Henry finally pulled free of his father's hold, but he did not rush for William as he had planned to. His mother's words about how he would hang for killing William had struck him enough to knock sense into him, and Henry took barely two steps forward when he stopped quickly. William, clothed again, was backed into a corner, his hands lifted to his heavily wounded face and his eyes widened was they watched Henry for any sign of attack. But Henry would not touch him again. Elena was still sobbing, his mother's comforting whispers doing nothing to help. The sheets of her bed were messed, as if the vile act had already been done before she could cry out loud enough for help. Yes, Henry believed she was innocent. He knew Elena. She would never willingly go to the bed of a man other than her husband. Other than him. Henry did not fear she had strayed from him. He only feared that William had taken her innocence before they had a chance to realize she was in need...

"Guards!" Henry shouted, making everyone jump. The guards who had followed them to the scene pushed their way forward. "Arrest him. Find the worst prison you can. Lock him up where he will never see daylight again!" The guards rushed for William, taking his arms and starting to drag him from the room. He put up a fight of course, but Henry turned away. He was just focusing back on Elena when he heard what William shouted after him.

"I know who she really is!" the man screamed, "She is not the daughter of a farmer! Her mother was a lady in the English court before it fell to Mortanian! And the aunt she speaks of is the Queen Rosaria! Her cousins Rick and James are the heirs to the throne!"

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Julia sniffed as she listened to him talk. He said nothing had really happened. Everyone had been waiting for her to get better...the only thing that really had changed was who was sleeping with who. Her heart stopped at this, and Teresa's face popped into her mind. She felt ashamed...sad, in some way. She could remember that well...when she had slapped Teresa for sleeping with her husband...for only trying to help. That was one of the few things she could remember, because she had half a mind at the time. She knew what she was doing...but who could really blame her? She was terrified, and grieving, and she hadn't seen Richard in days. She didn't know what was going on...and, Teresa just had that sparkle in her eye when she looked at Richard. It drove Julia crazy just thinking about it.

"I'm sorry..." she whispered, kissing his neck before pulling away, looking into his eyes with such sorrow and fright that it was unbearable. She didn't know what she was even sorry for, but it felt like the right thing to say. She was sorry for everything...anything. For leaving him alone as she battled her mind, for losing their child, for not being with him...For letting a simple servant come between them..."Don't leave me, Richard. I beg of you...I don't want to lose you again. Not again..."

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Anne Toole had taken Elena into her arms, partially to comfort her, and partly to pull her away from the scene before she got hurt, by William or Henry. Elena only cried harder, because the woman's embrace was much like her mother's. It made her cry...She had suffered for her mother. She had gone through all of this for her family...and they would never know. They would never know that their flings and actions of the past had made her suffer, and Henry and the rest of his family would never understand, never know. No, she couldn't tell them either...Henry had a blind temper. Should he become furious with her, he could put her family in danger. He was still shouting, still threatening. He would never know that Elena had told William she would do it...that William had not nearly raped her. He had blackmailed her into the service, but she had said yes. The man was being accused for the wrong reason. But how to explain one without the other? She couldn't. So she said nothing to correct Henry's state of mind.

No, it wasn't until she heard William speak that she froze in fear. He was telling them! No, no, no! Wait, no...He had promised...as had she though. She promised him a good time in exchange for his silence. She shook her head at him as he spoke, as if in disbelief, shock. Now others had things against her as well...They would do the same as he had done...She would become everything the rumors had made her. A common whore, all to protect her family secret, and--

"What is he talking about? Of course she's not! She would have to have some kind of money..."

"The Queen of England was killed! It had been seen, proven!"

"Young Master Toole has beaten out his sanity...Poor girl."

Yes, Elena could hear them talking among his shouts. They didn't believe...They didn't believe him! She cried in relief, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh of relief before opening them again, pulling out of Anne's arms and running into Henry's, begging him just to hold her. She pressed herself into him...She wanted to be alone. She wanted to be alone with Henry...She wanted to talk to him in secret, in private. Elena wanted to ask them all to go away, but she didn't. She couldn't. They had all just saved her...saved her saving her family. So, in a way, they had saved them as well..."Henry, I'm sorry," she whimpered, burying her face into his chest.

[IrelandKiss]

ⒽⒺⓃⓇⓎ ⓉⓄⓄⓁⒺ


ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

Henry's green eyes narrowed as William shouted the words at them. She was not the daughter of a farmer. Her mother Maria was a lady in the English court before Mortania took over, her aunt Rosaria was the old Queen everyone thought to be dead. Her cousins Rick and James were the true heirs to the throne that was now occupied by the Marcellius family line. The servants started whispering, insisting that what he was saying a was a lie. The Queen was dead, everyone knew that. Had not King Leono released an official statement that he himself cut her head from her body? It wasn't true, it couldn't be true!

Henry hesitated in believing them over William. What he said... About her aunt being the former Queen, her sons the heirs, the girls' mother once a lady in her court... Something seemed to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle long since unsolved. Rosaria had the same name as the former Queen but it was common enough at the time of her birth in Spain. All portraits of the Queen and her King had been burned with England fell, so there was no record of what they looked like except a statement that they were both "dark of hair and eye". And the King and Queen had had no children from their marriage, save for one miscarried babe that it was said had damaged the Queen's womb beyond repair. No, it couldn't be. William had to be lying. At the same time, though, something about his accusations seemed to fit. Seemed to make sense. James was dark-haired and eyed like his mother. There was almost nothing of his father James Sr. in him, and Henry guessed Rick looked no more like him than his brother. Rosaria had had no more children after them. As if her womb had, like the Queen's, been damaged beyond repair. And when he saw the look in her eyes now that she carried another child, the happiness was dimmed with worry. Henry had always assumed she merely feared for the baby's health since it's mother was so advanced in age. Was it possible there was an even greater worry weighing on her? The worry that someone would find them... kill them... and her baby, for though it's father was a poor man, it was still royal through it's mother. And thus still a threat...

He blinked when he heard Elena speak his name, stumbling towards him weakly. Henry knew she wanted him to hold her. Comfort her. Protect her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight, but even as he kissed her hair and shushed her sobs, his eyes were locked on William. The man was still struggling, begging him to believe him. But Henry took a deep breath and jerked his head at the guards. "Find him a prison across the sea. In England. Tell them I will pay for the expenses of locking him away where no one will ever hear his demented stories. He is mad, gentlemen. Do not believe him. None of you believe him, do you understand?" The guards nodded and dragged William off for good, the servants around them bowing and curtsying respectfully. After that, Henry summoned his mother and one female attendent to his side.

"Please, take her away," he whispered, closing his eyes when Elena protested, "She needs rest... I'll visit you tomorrow, my love, I promise, but tonight you must rest. My mother and the servant will see to your every need tonight. I promise, Elena, I'll come see you tomorrow..."

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Elena was grateful for his embrace, but it seemed all too short. As soon as William was gone from sight, and his shouts could no longer be heard, Henry called upon his mother and servant, telling them to take her away. At first, she only glanced up, trying to beg him silently. N-No! No, she had very nearly been stolen of her innocence! She wanted to talk to Henry, lie in his arms and listen to his heartbeat. But, her efforts failed, because Henry knew her. He had closed his eyes, telling the two women that Elena needed to rest, and then promised to see her tomorrow...Visit her. It sounded as if she were being punished, sent away to be dealt with. She shook her head, and clung to him tighter. "Henry...Henry, please..." she begged, pulling herself against him again.

She knew he would keep a promise; he'd never broken one before. Not intentionally. But Elena knew that she hardly saw Henry anyway, what would make tomorrow different? Sure, he'd visit. He'd visit for a few minutes here and there, and come to her at meal times when she was supposed to meet him to head down together. But, what then? No, she wanted to talk to him tonight...see him tonight. "I don't want to go, Henry. I-I don't want to leave you! You can't really...You couldn't possibly expect me to want to go! I-I tried to be strong. I tried to make you happy, and be strong, and I failed. And now you're sending me off? Do you really...Do you really expect me to rest after what just happened? N-No. No, I'm not going! I'm not leaving you," she said, as stubbornly and strongly as she could possibly make herself be. He was being blind. How could he think that she would be okay enough to leave him? Okay enough to sleep, or to do anything but just be held and told that it would be okay...

"I need you, Henry. No one else is going to possibly make me feel better. Lock me in a room and just talk to me from the other side of the door, I don't care! But how could you imagine I'd feel any better without you?"

[IrelandKiss]

╔══════════════╗
Nστʜɩɴɢ ɩs ɑɴ ɑϲϲɩɗεɴτ
Wε ɑʀε ғʀεε τσ ʜɑѵε ɩτ ɑʟʟ
Wε ɑʀε ѡʜɑτ ѡε ѡɑɴτ τσ ʙε
Iτ's ɩɴ συʀsεʟѵεs τσ ʀɩsε σʀ ғɑʟʟ
╚══════════════╝

Rick blinked when Julia begged him not to leave her. She clung to him desperately, her arms around his neck as she stared up into his eyes and begged him with tears to beleive how sorry she was. She had nothing to be sorry for though. Neither of them did. It was not their faults for what happened, to Rose or to Julia. It wasn't even the horse's fault for throwing her, or the people's fault for scaring him into it. The blame for something like this could be passed to no one, because after days and nights of grieving and anger and mourning, Rick had been able to come to one conclusion: it had been God's will, and so they could not contest it. Mourn the fact that He wanted their daughter for his own, but... They had to accept it. They had to move on. As well as they could, at least. She told him she couldn't lose him. Not again. Rick just blinked down at her and then pulled her back into his arms, kissing her forehead a couple times before sighing heavily.

"I won't," he promised, "I swear to you, Julia, I'll never leave you again. Only in death. Do you... Do you want me to stay with you tonight? The doctors might not agree with it, but you know I've never been one to obey authority... even when it's myself..."

[IrelandKiss]

ⒽⒺⓃⓇⓎ ⓉⓄⓄⓁⒺ


ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

"Elena, you must," Henry said over her words as she protested, her voice growing in force and volume the more he tried to push her away. It hurt him greatly to see her so upset, but he knew it had to be done. If he stayed with her tonight, more rumors would fly and she would want to talk about what happened and if Henry heard those words from her lips he did not know if he would be able to calm his temper. And whether she knew it or not, Henry knew. She needed to rest. She needed to sleep, and try to forget what happened. She would have his mother and the servant girl to take care of her. But Henry himself could not. It would complicate the situation, for both of them. God knew, he wanted to stay with her. He wanted to hold her in his arms all night and keep all thoughts of that man away from her.

But he couldn't.

"Mother, please, take her away..." he begged his mother, casting the aging woman a desperate, pleading look. She nodded quickly, taking Elena's shoulders and pulling her away from him. The servant girl followed, her eyes downcast respectfully as Elena begged him and pleaded for him not to leave her. She needed him tonight. She couldn't feel better without him. Henry had to look away from her, but that did nothing to silence her words.

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Elena fought as much as she could, said what she thought would change his mind for sure, clung to him over and over again as he removed her grips, continuously pushing her away. Her attempts had failed. And her eyes widened as he begged his mother to take her away. The woman didn't hesitate, as if Henry were some sort of royal status above her. Elena looked to the woman as well. Perhaps his mother could say some encouraging words to her son, make him see that Elena needed him, and that sending her away would not help anything. However, this too, failed, and she was taken out of the room without another word from anybody. Elena knew then...She knew Henry's intentions all along, and his feelings toward her.

He thought her maidenhead was gone, and now that it was he wanted nothing to do with her. What else did she have to offer him besides that? Nothing. She had no money, or status...a ruined reputation. She was just a responsibility now, and he didn't want her anymore. It had to be. He would not have refused her pleas if he did care. Him embrace wouldn't have been so short. He would have asked her if she was okay, held her, stroked her hair and cheek...something. No, Elena was nothing to him anymore, and she felt the tears entering her eyes again. His mother and the servant led her to one o the other guest rooms, and helped her into the bed, asking her if she needed anything. She shook her head though, and turned to face away from them.

But even though she lay there, she didn't sleep. She couldn't. She could feel William's hands all over her, and her heart ached from Henry's sudden coldness towards her. No, she couldn't dare sleep. For all she knew, this could be her last night in the Toole home...Elena reached for her ring on her finger, but then remembered she had taken it off, to keep Henry off of her mind while William held power over her. She had meant to put it back on...but with everything happening, she had forgot it on her bedside table...She felt empty without it, and though she was sure that he was going to take it back anyway, she wanted it horribly. She didn't send for it though. It'd seem suspicious...so instead she lay there, clinging the blankets to herself as she tried to find some peace with the situation...something good. But she couldn't...nothing at all...

[IrelandKiss]

ⒽⒺⓃⓇⓎ ⓉⓄⓄⓁⒺ


ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

Sunrise on the Toole household was quiet. Still. A light snow was falling, adding to the chill, but Henry sent away the servants who wanted to light a fire for him. He didn't want it. All he wanted was to go to sleep, but as last night had proven, that was now an impossible task. He had stayed with the servants after Elena was taken away. He had overseen them as they took all of Elena's things and moved them to a new room. Somewhere that didn't hold such terrible memories for her. Henry didn't think the change would erase what happened, but he hoped it would help. The new room was smaller, with a smaller bed and fewer windows and only one fireplace, but Henry had hardly noticed. All he knew was that it was a different room. One without the power to remind her of what had happened. Once everything was moved, Henry had given the tired servants leave to go to bed, and he intended to give them all the day off so their entire household could recover somewhat from what happened. But one, a young girl hardly twelve years old, had stayed behind. When Henry asked what she was doing up so late, the girl had merely bitten her lip and then held out her hand. What she had shown him was the single thing that kept him from sleeping all night.

Elena's engagement ring. His grandmother's. His parents had given it to him with their blessing and it had fit her finger perfectly. But now it was off her finger. The girl said she had found it on the bedside table, carefully place. Not on the floor, or caught in the sheets as it might be if William had pulled it off in a struggle. Just... Just placed on the bedside table. As if she removed it knowing what was to happen. It rested in his hand now, glittering a little in the pale light of the early morning. Henry had been staring at it for untold number of hours. Just wondering, if maybe... Maybe William had not been forcing himself on her. Maybe Elena had been a willing participant. Maybe all the rumors had bases in truth after all...

And if that were so, then Henry wanted to hear it from her. There was a reason Elena had removed her engagement ring. Whatever it was, Henry wanted the answer from her lips, and none other. If she admitted to him that yes, she had gone to William willingly... Henry could not say what he would do. Pray, probably, as if that would help anything.

Finally he managed to make himself move. Henry stood and ran a hand over his blonde hair, breathing deeply as he walked quickly from his room and down the hall for the room his mother told him Elena had been put in for the night. It was very close to his parents' room, no doubt for her safety in case William found some way to come back. It did not take long for him to reach it, but he stopped the moment he reached the door. He hesitated, sniffing roughly as if dreading what he might find on the other side, but Henry swallowed past the heavy lump in his throat and then opened the door slowly. "Elena..."

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Elena hadn't slept at all. Her heart was too heavy to do anything but lie there, trying to make it appear that she was asleep, for Mrs. Toole's sake. She didn't need the woman to worry about her, when she would no longer be her future mother-in-law. No, the night had been too hectic and heavy to dare try and sleep. The young servant woman was quickly released as soon as Mrs. Toole thought Elena to be asleep, and then the older woman herself got a few hours of sleep; Elena could hear her peaceful breathing, the kind only a person sleeping could give. And just minutes ago, the woman had snuck out of the room, trying not to disturb the 'sleeping' Elena.

So, when Elena heard the door opening, and then Henry's voice say her name, she sighed, shaking her head. "I'm not attending breakfast; I'm not hungry," she said, turning over to find an equally tired Henry, who seemed distressed about something. She sat up, pushing her hair out of her face. He wasn't here to meet her for the meal...There was something on his mind, and Elena felt the lump in her throat grow bigger, making it difficult to breathe. She didn't move to embrace him, or greet him in any fashion; she was terrified, frightened that he would push her away again, calling her a whore, a slut...a deception. To tell her that his love has faded, and that he is sending her back home to face her shame with her family...The thought made her tears start again, and she quickly looked away from him to hide them. Looking at him made her feel ashamed of what had happened, as if it were her fault. She still found no other reason that he had casted her away last night, refusing to look at her...

"You...kept your promise. I thought you'd be too busy or...unwanting to come see me today. Perhaps send a servant in your place to tell me I must leave your home," she said softly, still not looking at him. She sniffed roughly, and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them over the blanket. "You casted me away last night, not even bothering to ask me if I was okay...It wasn't...Henry, it wasn't my fault! Don't punish me for what he did to me!" she pleaded, shaking her head. No, last night he hadn't been fair. He hadn't been loving and kind. Not completely...Not like he used to be.

[IrelandKiss]

ⒽⒺⓃⓇⓎ ⓉⓄⓄⓁⒺ


ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

Henry felt it like a physical ache when she started crying softly again. She had pulled her knees up to her chest, begging him not to blame her for what he did as she shook her head. Henry closed his eyes and swore under his breath, running his hands through his hair as if angered with her. In truth he was just trying to to understand how this happened. How this came to pass. Surely there were signs he could have seen to stop it. To save her from ever suffering at William's hands. And William, there was a whole nother mystery right there! The man had been a family friend from the time Heny was a boy. Had it not been William who taught him to hunt alongside his father? Was William not at his side when he first shot an arrow, killed his first stag? William had been with him through so much of his life... And now the man was dragged to prison in chains for molesting the woman Henry loved? Sweet Christ, how had any of this happened?!

"I do not blame you, Elena," Henry finally managed to reply, his voice tight and strained as he looked back to her with raw, reddened eyes, "I could never blame you for something like that. No- No woman asks to be rap... He... It- It was..." He broke off, the words too difficult to speak. The ring was suddenly heavy in his hand, and after a moment of staring at her, Henry went, sat beside her on the bed, and held out his shaking hand to her so she could see it.

"Was it rape, Elena? Truly?"

[Losing Our Very Existence]

Elena watched as Henry slowly walked over to the bed, sitting beside her. And then, his hand slowly opened up to expose her engagement ring sitting in his palm. He asked if it was rape, and she knew what he thought of her then. "You mean to ask me, if I slept with him for my own pleasure..." She sat there a long time, staring down at her hands as she tried to think of what to tell him. She couldn't tell him the truth, no matter how much she wanted to. Not only her life would be in danger, but his as well if he knew. No, she could never do that to Henry, at least not until they were legally wed. But the story was complicated without that, and she sat for a long time. She couldn't look at him. Elena could feel his green eyes beating down on her, almost impatiently waiting for her to say something. And so, with a sigh, she looked back over at him, not daring to reach out and take the ring. She didn't want to feel his rejection.

"I came home yesterday from some shopping in town, as I said. However, before I came in, I wanted to take a walk...just around the house and gardens. But, Mr. Cromwell...He stopped me. At first he had been kind, almost teasing about it. He asked me to come in from the cold. Join him by the fire, perhaps a bed. And, at first I thought he was kidding, being a family friend and so close to you. I begged him...I begged him not to spread such words, and he...he started harassing me. Telling me that all of the men on this half of Ireland has gotten some pleasure from me. When I refused, he...he threatened my family. He said that he would have them killed if I didn't comply with his demands. I agreed, telling him I'd do anything to keep them safe, and when he told me what he wanted, I begged him for some other type of payment. Anything but sharing his bed. But he was firm...I-I couldn't refuse. Not when it came to my family. I was to tell no one, or make any mention of it..." Elena wiped her tears away. He knew the rest, but perhaps if she explained herself fully...perhaps he wouldn't be angry with her, or cast her away. Perhaps she could stay at his side as his fiance still. Or maybe it would be better to cut her loses early, and just go home with wounded spirits...

"That's why I didn't say much at dinner, and couldn't stand to look at you. I felt so ashamed...so humiliated that I was so weak...so desperate to make sure that my family was safe. I kept up a strong outside, like I promised, and at first, when he came to my room, I had been strong. I had tried to make myself just swallow my dignity and do what he asked. He hit me a few times, and...and he mounted me. I had begged him to let me please him more, before he...before he took me. I told him not to rush. And that's when things started getting out of control. He bit into my shoulder, and my neck, and he yanked my hair...But it wasn't until he threw me against the wall and...." she trailed off, looking over at her ring, well his ring now, she supposed. She couldn't finish the rest of what had happened...She couldn't kill him anymore inside if he had an ounce of guilt within him. She couldn't bring herself to do it. "I took off my ring so that I didn't feel that much more ashamed when I wore it afterward. I tried to be strong, Henry...I tried to do as I promised, and I couldn't...and I'm sorry. I'm just weak little stupid Mortanian Elena who doesn't belong here. Even you see it. Even you can't deny that you no longer...you no longer wish for me to be your fiance, your future wife and mother of your children."

She stood, walking away from him, towards the door.But she didn't open it. She leaned against it for a good long minute. She didn't dare open it. She didn't want to face anyone else right now, she didn't even want to face him. She had wanted him last night, and when he forced her away, she'd given up. She didn't want to be here anymore. She wanted her family. She wanted to see her sisters, and her friends, and Father Toole...Her parents and aunt and uncle...James...But most of all, she missed Rick more than anything right now. She wasn't sure why, perhaps that his birthday had passed only weeks before, and it was the first time in a long time she felt herself yearning to be in his brotherly embrace. He'd know what to do...

"I miss my family, and I can't see them...I'm too busy with wedding plans and lessons and other things to write, I've only written once...I've only gotten a few from them...Henry, I miss them terribly."

[IrelandKiss]

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ριcтυяє ρєяғєcт

♚ I'ℓℓ ɢιvє чσυ єvєячтнιиɢ... ♚

He didn't want to hear this. He didn't. He didn't want to picture everything in his head, the images so vivid he thought they were happening before his very eyes. He didn't want to know what happened. He knew already, he didn't need her details. But she gave them anyway, telling him how William had threatened her family in exchange for her favors. How he had made her promise to tell no one of it, which was why she had been so distant at dinner last night. It wouldn't have been too bad, if she had stopped there. But she didn't. Elena went on, telling him how he had hit her (explaining the bruises and cuts across her cheeks and nose) a few times before mounting her... Henry's gag reflex had never been in better use than right then. He pictured it. He imagined William pinning Elena to the bed, his hips thrusting forward as he hit her again in some sick twisted sort of fetish for causing other people pain. He had bitten her shoulder and her neck, pulled her hair, and then pushed her against the wall where Henry found them. She had taken her ring off, she told him, so she wouldn't have to think about him while it was happening. So she might feel less ashamed afterwards when she put it back on.

"Stop it, Elena," he finally managed to mutter, his voice cracking and weak. Whether she heard him or not, Henry didn't know. But she stood, going on about how she knew he no longer wanted her here. He saw her as everyone else saw her now, she knew it. Stupid little Mortanian whore Elena. She walked to the door, leaning against it weakly. Henry didn't even look at her.

He didn't know from her story if she was still a virgin or not. He believed her. Perhaps stupidly, but he did. He didn't want to beleive William had raped her anymore than he wanted to believe she had been a willing participant in the sex, but... One of them had to be lying. And just looking at her, with the marks from his abuse still fresh on her body , Henry knew she was telling the truth. He could just see it. But she had never told him if she was still a virgin or not. She had said William mounted her, pushed her against the wall. But when he asked his mother the older woman had assured him Elena had not been bleeding, so her maidenhead must still be intact. It wasn't that he would love her any less if William had taken her virginity. He didn't blame her for what happened, he already told her that. It was just that... How was he supposed to touch her again? Kiss her hair, stroke her cheek, without her being reminded of what happened? What if their wedding night came and he tried to make love to her, and she panicked, thinking it was William? Even worse, what if things had gone farther than she told him, and William had not only released himself inside of her but gotten her with child? Everything was so complicated now... She had not taken the ring back, which made it all worse, she thought he no longer wanted her, which broke his heart, and now she said she missed her family terribly.

"Elena, I..." He tried to speak. But what could he say? What could he tell her or promise her that would make it all better? Make it all go away? Nothing, that's what. Nothing at all. Except maybe... tell her to go see her family. She wanted to, she just told him she did, and Henry doubted anyone here could take better care of her than her family could. And he would be able to talk with her parents about what happened. She was their daughter, they deserved to know. And maybe they could help him figure out what to do. What to say...

"I want you to go home, Elena," he finally said. But then he realized what it sounded like and he quickly stood, walking over to her and touching her shoulder, "I mean, I want us to go back to see your family. For a week or two, just to... to visit. So you can recover a little. I'm sure they'd be happy to take us. Believe me, Elena, I still love you. I still want to marry you. I swear it..."