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Interesting Fairy

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It used to be said that South Korea's biggest export was babies - Korean children, unwanted in their own land, were adopted by loving new parents outside the country, particularly in the United States.

And then the law was changed. The shame of an increasingly affluent and confident country sending its children abroad to find the love denied at home played on the national conscience so foreign adoption was made much harder.

On top of that, rules were tightened so the unwanted children of unwed Korean mothers had to be registered before adoption.

'Didn't dare tell'

The changes were made with good intentions. Adopted children might want to trace their birth parents so registering full details seemed like a helpful measure.

And why should Korea depend on American parenting, particularly as South Korea became prosperous? Didn't it smack of colonialism?

But the good intentions have led to unintended results: South Korean orphanages are now brimming with children who might previously have found a new life in a foreign family.

Ten years ago, 1,200 Koreans were adopted abroad. Today, it's a tenth of that figure.

The problem is that adoption in Korea is taboo, so the gap left by the fall in foreign adoptions has not been filled by adoptive Korean parents.

Those who do adopt sometimes do it in secret.

When Choi Hyunjin was adopted, her new, adoptive parents kept it secret even from their own close relatives.

The couple sit on their sofa in a high-rise apartment near Seoul and say with one voice: "We didn't even dare tell our own parents because we knew they would disapprove. They would only say 'Why are you bringing up other people's children'?"

But Mr and Mrs Choi persevered and now they are among a band of adoptive parents who testify in meetings and go to schools to preach the worth of the love which adoption brings to estranged and abandoned children.

Familial past

The taboo arises because the importance of blood-lines in Korea is ancient and deep-rooted. Korean Confucianism places great emphasis on ancestors.

Hollee McGinnis, a Korean-American who was herself adopted and who now researches how adoption affects personality in later life, told the BBC: "Family is everything in Korea. Who you are and your character is based on your family so if you do not have information about your family, you might find yourself having barriers in life."

She said these barriers can even extend to a block on employment.

"In Korea, your potential employer can ask for your family registry. Your family registry has all the information about your relatives. If you cannot produce a family registry that might be a reason for them not to hire you.

"When you write a letter applying for a job, in your cover letter in the West we talk about education, our skills, our experiences. In Korea, they talk about your family - what your dad did; what your mum did - so your character is based on your family."

This means that orphans - who cannot explain their familial past - have a hard time of it.

Those involved in adoption over many years are in some despair.

In 1955, an American couple Harry and Bertha Holt moved from Eugene, Oregon and set up an orphanage in South Korea, moved by the plight of orphans after the Korean war, particularly those with black American fathers and Korean mothers who found it particularly hard to be accepted in Korean society.

Six decades on, their daughter, Molly, continues their work. She deplores the effect of the compulsion on women to register their children: "If they do, they can't ever marry because no husband wants to marry a woman who has had a baby. So now, so many babies are being abandoned.

"They used to have two babies abandoned a month before the law came into existence and now they have 25 a month. And those babies can't be adopted overseas. They can only be adopted by Koreans, and Koreans don't like to adopt."

'Blessed with adoption'

One answer would be to persuade more Koreans to adopt. The taboo would go if the stigma on adoption was eased.

Attempts are made to do this. The Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea was founded by a Korean who was adopted as a teenage and brought up in the United States.

Stephen Morrison spent eight years in an orphanage before his new parents transported him across the Pacific and transformed his life. He now thrives in Los Angeles as an engineer but returns to his old orphanage near Seoul.

"I came into this orphanage when I was six years old and I left when I was fourteen years old, and during that time I experienced a lot of hunger to be loved," he says.

"I was not a really good student but as soon as I was adopted into a family, I felt that immediate sense of care and love. All of a sudden, it was just magical: I started to excel in school and I want to pass on the blessings I got from adoption to other children that need homes."

When he returns to Korea, he meets his old street pals who were not adopted.

They have not thrived: "I grew up with my friends, my buddies and I'm still in contact with them. I feel I was so blessed with adoption. And yet my friends were not given that opportunity."


Family ties

Ferocious Browser

Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?

Greedy Pirate

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Eveille
Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?
LOL. Look up their tuberculosis statistics and you won't think them so advanced. They have rates of infection and mortality 25 times that of the US.

Ferocious Browser

She Was Phone
Eveille
Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?
LOL. Look up their tuberculosis statistics and you won't think them so advanced. They have rates of infection and mortality 25 times that of the US.


Wow the illusory facade crumbles. Sad. Alas.

On the upside, no one can be as bad as North Korea.

Greedy Pirate

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Eveille
She Was Phone
Eveille
Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?
LOL. Look up their tuberculosis statistics and you won't think them so advanced. They have rates of infection and mortality 25 times that of the US.


Wow the illusory facade crumbles. Sad. Alas.

On the upside, no one can be as bad as North Korea.
True, but I think IS and Boko Haram might be trying to change that in Africa and the Middle East.

Opinionated Trash

I...umm... Wow, just wow. I understand that is their culture, but that is just really sad.

Magical Tree

Bloodlines are of the utmost importance in Korea. Most Koreans can tell you who their grandfather was from 100 or 200 years ago in the Joseon dynasty. Or at least they know their family's roots... Like my pastor who is Korean-American and grew up in.... Boston? I think it was... He knows his clan's origin city. And tracing to that they know what their family did for a living and so on. (i was actually with him on the first trip he took to his family's origin city. he was so excited!)

It's still very traditional here in South Korea as far as Confucianism goes.
This article is correct as far as I've been informed about family, adoption and these matters.
I have even heard about how the orphanages are overflowing.
It is really taboo to adopt.

Usually - when a child is unwanted that child goes and lives with the grandparents. (i have had at least one student that had that happen.) But.... eh... so families are very tight-knit. You cannot escape your family. Independence from family is really an American idea/culture thing.
Here in South Korea, you live with your parents until you are married. If you are the oldest son - too bad you'll probably never move out because it's your job to take care of your parents in their old age. If you do move out, there's a possibility that later on your parents will move in with you. Tradition states the oldest should be the caretaker, but sometimes other children will take on this duty if others have conflicting responsibilities.

Personal care homes are almost non-existent in S. Korea.

WELL.... until now. Western culture, with its drive to make money (and money is everything these days here. everyone wants to be rich), has gotten a hold of Korea and so now both parents work. They work long hours.
That "strong American work ethic" definitely came here to Korea. Most people work 6 days a week.
Since both parents are working, no one is home to take care of an aging parent. So more and more adult day care centers are opening. It will be a trend in the next 5-10 years - I predict.

What does this have to do with adoption?
Well, between parents who work too much and elderly who are really actually old (life expectancy is much higher than it used to be) - there's a lack of responsible people to do child care.
Really.
Day cares are opening quickly these days too. And parents shuffle their kids off on public school, private academies and other afterschool programs/lessons. AKA very expensive.

Having a child is expensive. Adopting one... is even more so... plus that child has no blood-tie so... they could "leave".
Add in - there's no place to send your (unwanted) child because your parents are too old and poor (oh yeah. forgot to mention that the pensions of the now-aged people... is little to nothing so many of them are dirt poor.) so you end up with.... lots of kids in orphanages.

We like to say that South Korea is a first world country with third world problems.

Conditions to live in Korea are fantastic (water, electricity, heat, resources are relatively cheap).
But because the country went from very poor and underdeveloped (did you know most places were bombed during the war? so everything was flattened. the wildlife population hasn't even comeback yet) to quickly developed and quickly rebuilt - there is a lot of infrastructure that is still..... lacking.
Lots of problems. But give it 10-20 years and hopefully many things will be ironed out.

Sorry I rambled a lot....

Magical Tree

Eveille
Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?


You forget that into the 90's there was economic instability. That was only 25 years ago!

South Korea has come really far in such a short amount of time.

We need to be patient.

From a country ranked one of the worst and poorest to live in in the 60's-70's and even early 80's they have made it into the top 30 richest economies (world bank estimate, 2013).

You can't fix everything all at once.

I can tell you a lot of things that aren't magical about SK... like how rancid the squatty potties are at the bus station in my town. Don't go in there. Lol.

But when you consider how pretty much everything was built up from nothing - bombed buildings, bombed economy, narrowly escaped communism, and a series of presidents who were little better than dictators (kind of a king-complex here... when you've always had a king, it's too easy to yield to a president who acts like a king).

Racism goes strong here too. Bloodlines are valued. Being rich or pretty is all you need to get by.. or be considered "successful". Social conformity is valued.
Korean views on sex and sexuality are really "old" too. Even just women who smoke are seen in a bad light (only prostitues smoke... so the saying is).

Culture is always slow to change. But now that a lot of the physical needs are met - culture can flourish and change. Let's hope it changes for the better.

Adorable Fisher

Thank you for this article. Its good to know where Korean adoption currently stands. Its always been my dream to adopt two little girls from Korea (wanted this since I was a child, such a dream) and I'd heard its getting harder and harder to adopt from there. Now I know why. I can see why they made it harder, though. I've heard so many horror stories of kids being taken away from their parents and the parents not having actually wanted their baby to be put up for adoption (kind of like a trick) so I hope that doesn't happen anymore. I just feel so bad for all the abandoned children who could have had families if not for increased regulations. Its true there is a lot of shame for unwed mothers based on the culture, not many of them want to deal with the stigma.

:: sighs::
Eveille
Wow, South Korea, from what I've seen, is always shown as so modern, so technological, and beautiful and ahead......but this entire article is so very backwards. Won't marry a woman who has had a child? Won't adopt because bloodlines are crucial? Your family history goes on resumes??? What ******** millennium is this?

What happens to all this crap if you move to another city?

South Korea's modernity and modern Economy are very recent, in the 1980s - 1990s, with groundwork laid in the 60s. SK was a dictatorship between '61 and '79. It's transformation from war torn poverty stricken land to highly developed economic powerhouse took place over probably 30 years. In comparison to the other highly developed countries this is well above average, since most others had a previous level of development.

It's no surprise that Korean society has had difficulty catching up.

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