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Quotable Informer

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A Nebraska school is facing criticism for what many are calling an ill-intentioned effort to deal with bullying. Fifth-grade students at Zeman Elementary School in Lincoln were recently given pamphlets containing what may be considered tone-deaf advice, shaming the victim and sending the wrong message to bullies.

The pamphlet, which was posted to sites such as Reddit and Jezebel, features nine "rules" for students dealing with bullies. One rule states: "Do not tell on bullies."

"The number one reason bullies hate their victims, is because the victims tell on them," the flyer reasons. "Telling makes the bully want to retaliate. Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime (theft of something valuable) has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?"

This goes against most antibullying advice, which encourages young people to get a trusted adult involved in the situation before it escalates.

Other rules in the Zeman Elementary guide included "Learn to laugh at yourself," "Do not verbally defend yourself," and "Treat the person who is being mean as if they are trying to help you."

After the pamphlet was sent home with kids, numerous parents complained to the school. Some parents claimed that the tips weren't so much advice as they were ways to keep the school from having to discipline students.


Not long after the backlash, school officials at Zeman Elementary went on Facebook to issue an apology. (The school itself does not have an official Facebook page, so the post was sent via the Lincoln Public Schools, or LPS, page.) "Our educators at Zeman Elementary School work hard to provide accurate and appropriate lessons and education for our students in how to handle bullying situations," reads the statement. "The flyer was sent home with good intentions, unfortunately, it contained advice that did not accurately reflect LPS best practices regarding response to bullying incidents. We encourage all students and parents to continue to communicate with our staff if you have any questions or concerns about bullying situations."

But according to the LPS communications director, Mary Kay Roth, the flyers weren't supposed to be sent home with kids at all. In a statement to the Lincoln Journal-Star, Roth referred to the flyer being distributed as a "staff issue" and added that "we're taking care of the staffing error."


Still, not everyone is buying the apology. "Whoever wrote this or was in charge of passing it out should step down or be fired immediately. You're pretty much saying you don't care about bullying and you're not going to deal with it unless the child incurs serious bodily harm," one outraged parent wrote on Facebook.


Another commenter wondered how the fallout would affect the students. "What have the students who were given bad information been told? Have they all been instructed that this was bad information and been given good information? Or is that being left to the parents?"


According to the student services director, Russ Uhing, who spoke with the Journal-Star, the school's fifth-graders are learning about bullying prevention in class, and the advice they're getting is "very different" from the "rules" they were initially given. Meanwhile, the school's Facebook apology included some more reasonable tools for dealing with bullying via a PDF link to a different flyer. Those updated tips, aimed at parents and kids alike, included “Do not minimize or make excuses for bullying behaviors,” “Promote a strong sense of self and confidence in your child,” and “Teach your child to take action when they see others being bullied.” Those tips are bound to be more helpful to kids than rules such as “Do not verbally defend yourself.”



Give parents one thing but preach to the kids something else

Alien Dog

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So, is it my imagination, or does that "this was meant to stay in the school, not be sent home with students" bit in the apology kinda show that they're only sorry they got caught encouraging bullies and blaming the victims for their victimisation, rather than being sorry that they encouraged bullies ans blaming the victims for their victimisation?

I mean, are they really that out of touch that they think parents are pissed off at having had that sent home, rather than being pissed off at the policy towards bullies that it represents?

Sparkly Shapeshifter

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God damn it ... I don't have enough facepalm for this.

Heroic Fairy

My guess is that whoever made and gave out that pamphlet were former child/now adult bullies themselves.

And I think this clip sums up my feelings for those idiots in charge quite nicely:



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Treat the person as if they are trying to help? Uhh wtf kinda bullshit is that, so if they're beating you up and I supposed to act like they're doing me a favor? And that do not tell one, seriously, THEY BULLIED BEFORE YOU SAID ANYTHING.

I'm with the other guy saying this sounds like it wasn't supposed to leave school. Leave it to school to try and find another way to NOT do anything about bullies.

Edit: There's something wrong with that whole book, everything it says is only HELPING a bully. Seriously, ******** school and their not wanting to do anything about stopping bullies.

Barton Paladin

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The first rule can work early on in the bullying process. If, at the beginning of a bullying relationship, you act like you don't care, the other person will get bored and leave you alone.

Of course the rest is utter bull s**t, but hey.

Hilarious Autobiographer

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Weirdest. Crappy advice. Ever. I mean... "treat the mean person as a helper"? "Show that you're hurt instead of getting angry"? That's how to break a person's self-esteem. If they really wanted this advice to help kids, they might as well put a suicide hotline at the end of the page.

And by the way, "SHOW THAT YOU'RE HURT'? If they feel guilty, then they're not bullies. But bullies are initially sociopaths. They wouldn't notice that you're hurt until you're dead.

Thanks a lot, school.

Rapire's Queen

Demonic Cutie-Pie

Okay I had to break this down since everything in it pisses me off.


Rule 1: This rarely works, if you're lucky it does and as stated they get bored and go to someone else, so it just moves the problem not fix it.

Rule 2: How can you even do that? If someone is calling you names, shoving you, and pretty much anyhting someone does to bully you, how the hell do they expect you to act like it's helping you? Are you supposed to just say "Hey thanks for shoving my face into a fence!"

Rule 3: If someone is threatening to beat you up or already is, how do they expect you not not be afraid? That's like if your pet or something dies and you get told not to be sad. Seriously wtf.

Rule 4: I love how already they say YOU'RE the loser. like why not say "If you bully you lose" not if you try anything to stop em you're worse than they are.

Rule 5: We attack enemies not friends? Uhh no, a bully IS an enemy, I sure as hell wouldn't call anyone who bullies me a friend, what kid would? So what, if they're beating you up do you just sit there and wait for them to stop? Yea cause I would want my face smashed in, god forbid I fight back to a "friend".

Rule 6: If they're hurting you to begin with why would they feel sorry for the outcome? If I get stabbed or something I'm sure as hell gonna get mad and fight back, crying would probably just make em laugh more.

Rule 7: I have a strong feeling this is there simply because they don't care unless you get seriously hurt. What the hell even qualify as "real" injury, anything they do should be told on. If they are gonna retaliate for you telling the little s**t head should be out of school then.

Rule 8: Don't be a sore loser? OMFG this one takes the cake. Ohh I'm sorry school, didn't realize not wanting to be shoved into pavement or called names makes me a sore loser. What's the bully then? A winner?

Rule 9: Yes cause making fun of others to stop them from making fun of you solves everything!

In other words, schools don't care, you have a bully problem? Well if you say or do anything you're a ******** loser and should go crawl in a ditch. BUT if you are a bully well that's fine, you can keep coming to school tormenting kids with no responsibilities, because you're a winner!

Ferocious Browser

a lot of these sound like adult advice for dealing with workplace issues really. the extent of that advice being: brush it off or deal with it yourself. of course, such advice is pretty wrong for kids who are at the stage where we still want them to at least learn about the right thing, even if they sort of forget as adults.
its no wonder american education is rated so poorly compared to many other countries.
america: home of victim blaming and bully rewarding.

Girl-Crazy Bloodsucker

I had those EXZACT same rules in elementary school. As long as the bully didn't actually cause you to bleed, you had no right to complain and were told to get over it.
Because of this, me and my friends had to go though elementary constantly being verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused, and couldn't get one damn adult to help us because the bullying never supposedly left a scar.

******** teachers who enforce it. ******** them oh so very hard.

Fluffy Fatcat

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are these ******** SERIOUS?! "don't tell on a bully. would you keep your friends if you told on them?" WHAT. THE ACTUAL. ********???????? LAST TIME WE CHECKED, BULLIES ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS. >:V i have never met a kid who gives a damn what happens to the bully after they get told on, unless the little genetic defect gets away with it scott-free.

Hallowed Wench

Holy s**t that is bad...

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Wintry Dragon

Reminds me of the survey Gaia released for their sister site, Tentacl.

Snuggly Buddy

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This is so bad it sounds like a hoax. Except sadly it isn't.
The school's web site is here - http://wp.lps.org/zeman/
They talk about addressing new bully rules on the front page.

They mention the brochure was not made by the school and was not properly vetted.
Not sure if that means some teacher or other person local made it or if someone just ordered in some class material about bullying and didn't look it over well enough.

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