Robin WIlliams Didn't Kill Himself

[Maya-Sterling]

so sad he had to go now sad

[aine21]

I've been dealing with depression for a little over 20 years now. I've been suicidal. I've sobbed and begged God to end my life. There are plenty of mornings when I've woken up and been disappointed that I'm still here... and yet most people who know me would be shocked to know such about me. It's easy to say that his family or whoever should've done something to stop it... but there are people like me who can go to work and joke with co-workers, family, and friends- and yet underneath feel so much pain and unhappiness. It's difficult to deal with at times because I'll be feeling so happy and content and then BOOM suddenly a thought will pop into my mind that instantly devours the good feelings and I find myself suddenly struggling to not start crying right there in front of others. Why hide it? Because people see you crying and often want to know why. How do you explain to someone that some random thought sent you over the edge? Sometimes there's no thought or reason for my sudden dip into sadness- and that's even harder to explain. It's frustrating when people dismiss it, say that if I just do this or that, I'd be fine. My favorite has to be, "Well just don't think such thoughts." It's not a weak will or some sort of moral deficiency- it's physical, chemical, and just THERE. It doesn't go away. You can do things to keep it from taking over completely- but it's still there. I wish more people understood that. It's a tough thing to deal with and for some, it's very painful as well. As much as I am saddened by his death and that he couldn't keep going... sometimes the physical pain is just so bad that you can't take it. For me, first it feels like someone has my heart in a vise-grip, and then that feeling of pressure extends to my whole body. I can't move or breathe. It's scary and painful and sometimes all I can think is that I wish I would die quickly so the pain would go away. I do my best to deal with it and keep on going... but it's not easy and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. To those of you who are going through depression or any other mental illness, I send you a big hug. Know that you're not alone and though it seems like no one else understands what it feels like- we're here.

[nekochanninja211]

Luna_Douglas

nekochanninja211

Ratttking

Off-topic, do you take anything for your narcolepsy? My friend's elderly aunt was prescribed Ritalin for it and it helped her a lot. I took it for 11 years for my ADHD and it helped with my depression as well, but I can't take it anymore because of the side-effects.

Heh... I'm WAY past taking Ritalin. I went from Provigil ---& Ritalin ---& Dexadrene ER and IR ---& Dexadrene ER and IR with Nuvigil combined ---& Adderall. I'm now on the highest doses of Adderall XR that my doc can give me along with lower dose Adderall IR twice a day. As the narcolepsy gets worse, the drugs stop working. I'm honestly scared if/when the Adderall stops working...

I have noticed that all these listed medications are CNS stimulants. Have you tried another class of medication other than this?

I was diagnosed with ADHD, in which these same medications are used, when I was 9. As I grew older, the medication started making me drowsy all the time. I was sleeping for 18+ hours. It turns out I outgrew my ADHD, so the medication started having the opposite effect on me. I would change medications, as you have, and they would work for a while, but eventually it would "stop working." After I stopped taking the medication, my situation improved drastically. I had no more problems whatsoever. I'm not saying this is right for you, as there are some people that do need the medication, but these disorders are being over diagnosed.

Narcolepsy is actually under diagnosed. I've read that there are many sleep doctors who believe that there are more people with mild narcolepsy out there, but just believe people who tell them that they are "lazy" and "don't try hard enough". I know I did. As severe as my narcolepsy is I need high powered stimulants, especially since I can's take the only other medicine that is used to treat it anymore. The Provigil didn't work at all, Ritalin helped but not enough, Dexadrene worked great for years, but my body got used to it which is why my doc tried adding the nuvigil, Nuvivgil helped, but gave me nausea so I had to stop. With narcolepsy, it's not a case of the meds having the opposite effect, but your body just getting used to the meds after a long time of taking them and not working anymore and/or the narcolepsy getting worse (which it does as you get older.)

[Ame Yuki Kaze]

I think the Parkinson's Disease can be ruled the cause for his suicide. He didn't want to die a lingering, painful death. sad

[This Isnt Sparta]

Boudica Tlalli

People need to learn you can't just 'Get over it' with Depression or with PTSD. You can't turn it off and it is not just feeling sad. They are silent killers that prey on the mind and soul.

This. I think its because some people just DONT understand. They dont understand what its like when you have this little voice in your head repeatedly saying "You really should just kill yourself. Do you really think anyone is going to miss you? You're doing everyone a favor by just offing yourself right here and now. Do it." That voice is always battling with your rational logic and sense and messing up your day to day routine and turning off your willingness to be around family, friends and being around the things you used to like. You're right, it isnt "just get over it" or "you're just doing this for attention" or even, "just take an aspirin and you'll be fine". Its why our mental health needs to be looked at in the US. Extremely troubling internal problems cant be just waved away with a pill or a "just deal with it".

Ive lost a family member to suicide, and the "Why?" still hangs over our heads. He did have a mental disability, but for years he lived very well by himself and was an active member in the family. His sudden death just shocked us. We never thought for a moment he would take his life. The family is open, and he never came to any of us if he had a problem. After his death, we were cleaning out his apartment, we found notebooks filled with just these...strange messages. I'd prefer not to get into detail about that. But it was just, unsettling to read. We never seen behavior like this at all. I cant help but think that this messages he'd written were thoughts that constantly ran in his head.

[pikeru3617]

This Isnt Sparta

Boudica Tlalli

People need to learn you can't just 'Get over it' with Depression or with PTSD. You can't turn it off and it is not just feeling sad. They are silent killers that prey on the mind and soul.

This. I think its because some people just DONT understand. They dont understand what its like when you have this little voice in your head repeatedly saying "You really should just kill yourself. Do you really think anyone is going to miss you? You're doing everyone a favor by just offing yourself right here and now. Do it." That voice is always battling with your rational logic and sense and messing up your day to day routine and turning off your willingness to be around family, friends and being around the things you used to like. You're right, it isnt "just get over it" or "you're just doing this for attention" or even, "just take an aspirin and you'll be fine". Its why our mental health needs to be looked at in the US. Extremely troubling internal problems cant be just waved away with a pill or a "just deal with it".

Ive lost a family member to suicide, and the "Why?" still hangs over our heads. He did have a mental disability, but for years he lived very well by himself and was an active member in the family. His sudden death just shocked us. We never thought for a moment he would take his life. The family is open, and he never came to any of us if he had a problem. After his death, we were cleaning out his apartment, we found notebooks filled with just these...strange messages. I'd prefer not to get into detail about that. But it was just, unsettling to read. We never seen behavior like this at all. I cant help but think that this messages he'd written were thoughts that constantly ran in his head.

Every few months those voices sometimes get too much. I've been battling major depression and PTSD. When it gets bad, you don't even want to eat or get out of bed. You just want to curl up and die. I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to loose a loved one to suicide. I've had people treat me like I was faking my depression for attention, told to fight harder like it is easy, and told to get over it.

[This Isnt Sparta]

Boudica Tlalli

This Isnt Sparta

Boudica Tlalli

People need to learn you can't just 'Get over it' with Depression or with PTSD. You can't turn it off and it is not just feeling sad. They are silent killers that prey on the mind and soul.

This. I think its because some people just DONT understand. They dont understand what its like when you have this little voice in your head repeatedly saying "You really should just kill yourself. Do you really think anyone is going to miss you? You're doing everyone a favor by just offing yourself right here and now. Do it." That voice is always battling with your rational logic and sense and messing up your day to day routine and turning off your willingness to be around family, friends and being around the things you used to like. You're right, it isnt "just get over it" or "you're just doing this for attention" or even, "just take an aspirin and you'll be fine". Its why our mental health needs to be looked at in the US. Extremely troubling internal problems cant be just waved away with a pill or a "just deal with it".

Ive lost a family member to suicide, and the "Why?" still hangs over our heads. He did have a mental disability, but for years he lived very well by himself and was an active member in the family. His sudden death just shocked us. We never thought for a moment he would take his life. The family is open, and he never came to any of us if he had a problem. After his death, we were cleaning out his apartment, we found notebooks filled with just these...strange messages. I'd prefer not to get into detail about that. But it was just, unsettling to read. We never seen behavior like this at all. I cant help but think that this messages he'd written were thoughts that constantly ran in his head.

Every few months those voices sometimes get too much. I've been battling major depression and PTSD. When it gets bad, you don't even want to eat or get out of bed. You just want to curl up and die. I can't begin to imagine what it must feel like to loose a loved one to suicide. I've had people treat me like I was faking my depression for attention, told to fight harder like it is easy, and told to get over it.

I dont like that. Either its people who truly dont know how to respond to someone like yourself suffering or just dont care. Even if someone's problem is minor, it shouldnt be brushed off and made to feel unimportant. I certainly wouldnt want someone suffering from these afflictions to feel as though their opinion didnt matter. In my opinion, its why people take such drastic measures if it means someone will pay attention to them. Either trying to take their own life or even hurting others, or both. Its why when I have kids, I want them to know that their opinion means something and that if they have a problem, we work it out together. I dont ever want them to feel that I wont care.
Is there anyone you talk to?

[pikeru3617]

Quote:

I dont like that. Either its people who truly dont know how to respond to someone like yourself suffering or just dont care. Even if someone's problem is minor, it shouldnt be brushed off and made to feel unimportant. I certainly wouldnt want someone suffering from these afflictions to feel as though their opinion didnt matter. In my opinion, its why people take such drastic measures if it means someone will pay attention to them. Either trying to take their own life or even hurting others, or both. Its why when I have kids, I want them to know that their opinion means something and that if they have a problem, we work it out together. I dont ever want them to feel that I wont care.
Is there anyone you talk to?

Not that many people I talk to about it. Mainly my parents and staff at the animal shelter I volunteer at. The animal shelter is my therapy really. I'm doing a lot better than I did before. Before, I used to hide it. I've tried to do kill myself though it was through starvation. Still have break downs every now and again, but not as much now. Still though, I'm grateful to my parents for believing me and supporting me and getting me help.

[Lord Elwrind]

Scarred Sword Heart

I think the Parkinson's Disease can be ruled the cause for his suicide. He didn't want to die a lingering, painful death. sad

It was only early onset Parkinson's. It sounds to me that this was a recent discovery unless he had it for some time and no one new. Shortly before all this, he was seen at dinner with his family and he was very serious.



Side note: want to know what is really pissing me off about all this?
His daughter was getting really nasty messages on her Tweet. She had to close her account off for now as a result. I am worried about her now.

[Lord Elwrind]

This Isnt Sparta

Boudica Tlalli

People need to learn you can't just 'Get over it' with Depression or with PTSD. You can't turn it off and it is not just feeling sad. They are silent killers that prey on the mind and soul.

This. I think its because some people just DONT understand. They dont understand what its like when you have this little voice in your head repeatedly saying "You really should just kill yourself. Do you really think anyone is going to miss you? You're doing everyone a favor by just offing yourself right here and now. Do it." That voice is always battling with your rational logic and sense and messing up your day to day routine and turning off your willingness to be around family, friends and being around the things you used to like. You're right, it isnt "just get over it" or "you're just doing this for attention" or even, "just take an aspirin and you'll be fine". Its why our mental health needs to be looked at in the US. Extremely troubling internal problems cant be just waved away with a pill or a "just deal with it".

Ive lost a family member to suicide, and the "Why?" still hangs over our heads. He did have a mental disability, but for years he lived very well by himself and was an active member in the family. His sudden death just shocked us. We never thought for a moment he would take his life. The family is open, and he never came to any of us if he had a problem. After his death, we were cleaning out his apartment, we found notebooks filled with just these...strange messages. I'd prefer not to get into detail about that. But it was just, unsettling to read. We never seen behavior like this at all. I cant help but think that this messages he'd written were thoughts that constantly ran in his head.

A lot of people hide their afflictions for some reason. Like they are guilty about it. There is this stigma going around for many many decades about it too. Like everyone having to avoid them like the plague. This only makes some people suffering from these illnesses worse.
Robin always talked about his difficulties in public. Some people never caught on I guess, because he always joked about it. Nothing wrong with that. But you know.
For a long time, I did not talk about my own difficulties. I never had to for the longest time because I had a handle on it mostly. For the past several years I have had a slow break-down (stress can do it too). Recently something had happened, though, that really kicked it off and I am still recovering from it. Really hard! Long story. I keep telling people "never ef around with the mentally ill".

Oh and if you wanna know about the 'stigma' going around about schizophrenics...
Many of us appear normal like the rest of you and don't always end up being warehoused in a mental institution acting like we have flown over the cuckoo's nest. Just so you know.

[Maladjusted_Miasma]

nekochanninja211

Luna_Douglas

nekochanninja211

Ratttking

Off-topic, do you take anything for your narcolepsy? My friend's elderly aunt was prescribed Ritalin for it and it helped her a lot. I took it for 11 years for my ADHD and it helped with my depression as well, but I can't take it anymore because of the side-effects.

Heh... I'm WAY past taking Ritalin. I went from Provigil ---& Ritalin ---& Dexadrene ER and IR ---& Dexadrene ER and IR with Nuvigil combined ---& Adderall. I'm now on the highest doses of Adderall XR that my doc can give me along with lower dose Adderall IR twice a day. As the narcolepsy gets worse, the drugs stop working. I'm honestly scared if/when the Adderall stops working...

I have noticed that all these listed medications are CNS stimulants. Have you tried another class of medication other than this?

I was diagnosed with ADHD, in which these same medications are used, when I was 9. As I grew older, the medication started making me drowsy all the time. I was sleeping for 18+ hours. It turns out I outgrew my ADHD, so the medication started having the opposite effect on me. I would change medications, as you have, and they would work for a while, but eventually it would "stop working." After I stopped taking the medication, my situation improved drastically. I had no more problems whatsoever. I'm not saying this is right for you, as there are some people that do need the medication, but these disorders are being over diagnosed.

Narcolepsy is actually under diagnosed. I've read that there are many sleep doctors who believe that there are more people with mild narcolepsy out there, but just believe people who tell them that they are "lazy" and "don't try hard enough". I know I did. As severe as my narcolepsy is I need high powered stimulants, especially since I can's take the only other medicine that is used to treat it anymore. The Provigil didn't work at all, Ritalin helped but not enough, Dexadrene worked great for years, but my body got used to it which is why my doc tried adding the nuvigil, Nuvivgil helped, but gave me nausea so I had to stop. With narcolepsy, it's not a case of the meds having the opposite effect, but your body just getting used to the meds after a long time of taking them and not working anymore and/or the narcolepsy getting worse (which it does as you get older.)

Have you tried Vyvanse? It's a form of Adderall, only it has an enzyme attached to it, so your body only uses in in the right amount at the right time. It's kind of like an extended release, except a bit more complicated.

[Aliyah_Sweet]

xdivision_whitey

Money can't buy true happiness.

Nope money and fame can't buy happiness, there isn't anything out there that can buy happiness.

[Lunatic Magpie]

Platonic Purple Panda

I've stared into the dark abyss of depression myself. Mine never got to the point where I was capable of killing myself, but I do remember multiple occasions where I had such a horrible day or week or whatever that I just laid on the floor and begged the earth to swallow me up and end it because I was in so much pain. In middle school, I was bullied psychologically and emotionally (and somewhat physically). The staff at school didn't do s**t about it because I wasn't able to prove it. I felt so alone. I wondered what was wrong with me and if living was even worth it. Not a good thing for a girl in the early stages of puberty to experience.

A lot of mental illnesses can be triggered by the stress and chemical changes brought on by puberty, and it's also a period where people are especially vulnerable to developing depression. I don't think a lot of people realize that. Instead of looking at facts, they just automatically assume that the teen was raised to be a pansy and weak. That's not the case. I'm very strong-willed by nature. I was brought up by a single working mother who is very self-reliant and fixes things on her own if she can. And I was raised by her, so naturally a lot of those traits were passed onto me. But depression snuffed out a lot of the self-reliance and confidence I would have had if I hadn't been bullied to the point of depression.

[Platonic Purple Panda]

Seliasei

Platonic Purple Panda

I've stared into the dark abyss of depression myself. Mine never got to the point where I was capable of killing myself, but I do remember multiple occasions where I had such a horrible day or week or whatever that I just laid on the floor and begged the earth to swallow me up and end it because I was in so much pain. In middle school, I was bullied psychologically and emotionally (and somewhat physically). The staff at school didn't do s**t about it because I wasn't able to prove it. I felt so alone. I wondered what was wrong with me and if living was even worth it. Not a good thing for a girl in the early stages of puberty to experience.

A lot of mental illnesses can be triggered by the stress and chemical changes brought on by puberty, and it's also a period where people are especially vulnerable to developing depression. I don't think a lot of people realize that. Instead of looking at facts, they just automatically assume that the teen was raised to be a pansy and weak. That's not the case. I'm very strong-willed by nature. I was brought up by a single working mother who is very self-reliant and fixes things on her own if she can. And I was raised by her, so naturally a lot of those traits were passed onto me. But depression snuffed out a lot of the self-reliance and confidence I would have had if I hadn't been bullied to the point of depression.

Thanks for sharing your story, though I think it's just terrible that the staff didn't do s**t because you had no proof...like seriously? A kid cries for help and they don't do s**t because there was no evidence? T__T So sad, they should help out before it's too late before they have to find the evidence of cause of death...which I'm sure would of been out in the open and they could of had easily prevented it. Sorry I'm babbling on. I swear school teachers and staffs need to do something and not just ignore. sad