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That Scruffy Mule's avatar

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This "story" again?
They've been doing versions and remixes and covers of this same old song and dance since our species was advanced enough to recognize that there was a difference between the genders.
InsaneOddBall's avatar

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That's weird because me and a male friend of mine have been best friends since 7th grade. It's true that we tried dating, but we broke up after a year. But we still keep in touch and think of ourselves as being like brother and sister.

So does that mean we're gay? Not that I'm aware of. He's had plenty of girlfriends since college while I'm just not that into romantic pursuits. Maybe someday in the future I'll want to be in a relationship, but I'm pretty content with being single and just hanging out with my friends.

In short, I think this study is a load of bull, but what do I know?
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Some of the comments in this thread make me think many of you read nothing but the headline.

The very first line of the article says it was about heterosexuals so the the gay comments are N/A in terms of 'proving' opposite sex relationships can be platonic.

The title of the article is a bit misleading. It says they "CAN'T" be friends while the actual study just suggests that differences in how men and women view friendships could make it difficult, but does not say they can't.

Another thing the study fails to address is the fact that even though a guy may be more likely to have a romantic interest in a female friend it doesn't mean he can't choose not to act on it for various reasons. Or that he can't approach her about the romantic aspect, find out she is not interested, and then continue just being friends.

Personally I have women who are truly just friends.
I also have women friends I was once sexually / romantically involved with where later we decided to end that but we are still very good totally platonic friends. So it's definitely possible for opposite sex to be 'just friends' but I agree it can often lead to romantic feelings as well. If anything that is an indication of trying for a healthy relationship. If a person is looking for something other than 'just sex' it only makes sense their brains would pick the people they truly enjoy hanging out with as possible candidates for a relationship.
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I can't get to the article right now (keep getting "site under maintenance" wink .

Does it say much about the statistics and demographics of the people studied? I'd like to know whether the "more men can't manage just friendship" applies to men of all ages (income, education, etc.) or if younger men are less capable of being "just friends" than older men (or less educated vs. more educated, and other criteria).
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David2074
Some of the comments in this thread make me think many of you read nothing but the headline.

The very first line of the article says it was about heterosexuals so the the gay comments are N/A in terms of 'proving' opposite sex relationships can be platonic.


My purpose in bringing up the gay comments was drawing an analogy of potential attraction not necessarily leading to romantic/sexual interest or involvement based on my own experiences. I gathered that several other people brought it up for the same reason.

That is, being gay, I can't really speak to heterosexual experience other than observationally. We're expanding on the same old song rather than focusing only on the latest remix.

But yes, the article could have been titled in a less misleading way.
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Eek_the_cook
David2074
Some of the comments in this thread make me think many of you read nothing but the headline.

The very first line of the article says it was about heterosexuals so the the gay comments are N/A in terms of 'proving' opposite sex relationships can be platonic.


My purpose in bringing up the gay comments was drawing an analogy of potential attraction not necessarily leading to romantic/sexual interest or involvement based on my own experiences. I gathered that several other people brought it up for the same reason.

That is, being gay, I can't really speak to heterosexual experience other than observationally. We're expanding on the same old song rather than focusing only on the latest remix.

But yes, the article could have been titled in a less misleading way.


My take on the gay comments (and sorry if I got it wrong) was that a gay / lesbian could be 'just friends' with the opposite sex so that was proof the article was wrong. Except the article was addressing being just friends with the gender they were attracted so bringing in the gay factor made it (at least as I took the comments) more like comparing whether two straight guys or gals could be just friends rather than comparing two straight people of the opposite sexes.

I suspect though a similar study done with all gay people - except in that case using male friends for males and female friends for females - would have similar results. People hanging out and being good friends with a person of the sex they are attracted to would most likely, at least in some cases, want to take the friendship to the next level. Also, like straight people, I think some / many would have no problem keeping a platonic relationship platonic - especially if they were already in a committed relationship.
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Bullshit! i have a friend named Tabbitha and we are just Friends nothing more! mad
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Vampirate Kitsune
I can't get to the article right now (keep getting "site under maintenance" wink .

Does it say much about the statistics and demographics of the people studied? I'd like to know whether the "more men can't manage just friendship" applies to men of all ages (income, education, etc.) or if younger men are less capable of being "just friends" than older men (or less educated vs. more educated, and other criteria).
It just said18-25 year olds is who they studied ( I think, I was also reading another study by them). Also it's not saying they CAN'T be friends, just usually one will be a little attracted to the other and try to peruse something more.
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David2074
My take on the gay comments (and sorry if I got it wrong) was that a gay / lesbian could be 'just friends' with the opposite sex so that was proof the article was wrong. Except the article was addressing being just friends with the gender they were attracted so bringing in the gay factor made it (at least as I took the comments) more like comparing whether two straight guys or gals could be just friends rather than comparing two straight people of the opposite sexes.

I suspect though a similar study done with all gay people - except in that case using male friends for males and female friends for females - would have similar results. People hanging out and being good friends with a person of the sex they are attracted to would most likely, at least in some cases, want to take the friendship to the next level. Also, like straight people, I think some / many would have no problem keeping a platonic relationship platonic - especially if they were already in a committed relationship.


I think you might be in a "fair enough" territory if you consider men attracted to men acting like the men in the study (sort of) and women attracted to women acting like women in the study (sort of). I'm too tired and lazy to actually look up the studies, but my recollection is that gay men who are friends with gay men they find attractive are likely to have "with benefits" privileges at some point while gay women tend to regard their gay (pan/bi) female platonic friends as strictly platonic.

That said, it's not the case that friendship NEVER turns into romance. My fiancee and I were friends for years before we (after I found myself single) decided to date. But the thought never entered our heads to transition the relationship from friend to romance until we were both single and realized we had so much in common that a romance was a very real and valid possibility for us.

Then again, that said, I've been friends with other gay/bi/pan women even longer than with her and we've never even considered crossing that line of platonic friendship.

Which would put the study into the territory of "sometimes you fall in love with a friend and realize it was meant to be!" And to that, I respond: "no duh."
Ask Jappleack's avatar

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Lets be friends ninja lollll
But yeah, genetically of course we wouldnt be able to be just friends. But religion alone shows how people can refute their genetic predispositions, except not lol http://livinglifewithoutanet.wordpress.com/2010/02/27/atheist-men-smarter-and-more-faithful/
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David2074
My take on the gay comments (and sorry if I got it wrong) was that a gay / lesbian could be 'just friends' with the opposite sex so that was proof the article was wrong. Except the article was addressing being just friends with the gender they were attracted so bringing in the gay factor made it (at least as I took the comments) more like comparing whether two straight guys or gals could be just friends rather than comparing two straight people of the opposite sexes.

I suspect though a similar study done with all gay people - except in that case using male friends for males and female friends for females - would have similar results. People hanging out and being good friends with a person of the sex they are attracted to would most likely, at least in some cases, want to take the friendship to the next level. Also, like straight people, I think some / many would have no problem keeping a platonic relationship platonic - especially if they were already in a committed relationship.


I think you might be in a "fair enough" territory if you consider men attracted to men acting like the men in the study (sort of) and women attracted to women acting like women in the study (sort of). I'm too tired and lazy to actually look up the studies, but my recollection is that gay men who are friends with gay men they find attractive are likely to have "with benefits" privileges at some point while gay women tend to regard their gay (pan/bi) female platonic friends as strictly platonic.

That said, it's not the case that friendship NEVER turns into romance. My fiancee and I were friends for years before we (after I found myself single) decided to date. But the thought never entered our heads to transition the relationship from friend to romance until we were both single and realized we had so much in common that a romance was a very real and valid possibility for us.

Then again, that said, I've been friends with other gay/bi/pan women even longer than with her and we've never even considered crossing that line of platonic friendship.

Which would put the study into the territory of "sometimes you fall in love with a friend and realize it was meant to be!" And to that, I respond: "no duh."


Yeah, I felt like on the whole they didn't do a great job of defining the 'just friends' question or the way they went about it and certainly not the way someone chose to title the news article. To me it was a foregone conclusion that having a good friendship with someone of the sex you are attracted to will sometimes, but not always, result in you wanting a closer relationship.

The more interesting part of the study to me was the things they were finding in regards to the differences in how our brains seem to be wired of males vs females. And honestly those findings were not too surprising because they somewhat echo other studies about what causes men and women to be attracted to each other. Though it's a tad embarrassing that at least according to that particular study we straight males seem to suck at knowing if the female we are interested in feels the same way.
Prince Ikari 's avatar

Conservative Victory

Of course men and women can be friends. Just about every single friend I have is a woman. I get along with them much better than my fellow men. And just about everyone of them is heterosexual like me. But my friendship with many of them is truly genuine. In the past I have been somewhat attracted to a few of them but there was no sexual impulses bubbling beneath the surface. I am still friends with many of them now and the only person I am attracted to and in love with is my girlfriend. She is the only person I am pursing romance with. But the rest of them are still my friends, many of them great ones at that that I just love talking to and hanging out with. Nothing sexual or romantic about it.
Prince Ikari 's avatar

Conservative Victory

Pnyuu
men don't bother with befriending women that they aren't attracted to

What makes you so sure of that? I am a man and I have befriended plenty of woman who I am not attracted to in the past.

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