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...Goes Viral.

Quote:

When Kevin Jones discovered that his 10-year-old daughter had created several secret social media accounts and was dating a boy, he was understandably upset. His response was to dress her in a pink T-shirt that reads: “I’m 10 Years Old” on the front and “5th Grader” on the back. She also donned barrettes, pink shoes, and a Sofia the First cartoon backpack. Jones posted photographs from all angles on his Facebook page as punishment for her rule-breaking, along with an update that reads, “Here’s the consequence behind her actions. An age-defining shirt. Yes people she is 5’9” & 10 years old.” His full post is below:

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The result? The post went viral, collecting more than a quarter-million likes and 80,000+ shares (not to mention nearly 4,000 comments). Most Facebook commenters have been supportive of Jones’s tactics. Precious Rorie Green wrote, “I love this. A real caring, loving, and concerned father.” Tosha Stephens added, “Kudos! Our daughters need more influential fathers like you! She’ll thank you in the long run!”

Other commenters, however, have objected to Jones’s public form of punishment. On Jezebel’s story about the situation, YolandiVisser wrote, “I definitely don’t think the father’s intentions were bad, but whether he meant to or not he publicly humiliated this girl at an age where anything that happens to her is going to end up being very formative. And I think being shamed in front of all of the internet is a pretty big deal to a young girl’s self esteem. That’s something she’s going to remember forever.”

Jones not the first parent to choose public humiliation through social media as punishment, as the tactic has become increasingly popular. Last year, for example, a California mom upset by her 11-year-old daughter’s twerking, forced her to stand on the corner of a busy intersection holding a sign that read, “I was disrespecting my parents by twerking at a school dance.” Similarly, a Utah woman who discovered her soon-to-be-stepdaughter had been bullying a classmate over her “sleazy” Daisy Dukes punished the girl by forcing her to wear dowdy thrift shop clothes, then posting the photos to Facebook, causing the 10-year-old great embarrassment.

So are these parents exercising creative discipline and setting good limits, or have they gone too far? We asked Dr. Stacey Radin, psychologist and founder and CEO of Unleashed NY, a social justice program for middle school girls: Should parents publicly post kids’ punishments like this?

“I would not encourage public humiliation,” Radin, who is also author of the forthcoming “Brave Girls: Raising Young Women With Passion and Purpose to Become Powerful Leaders,” tells Yahoo Parenting. “Maybe [Jones] was anxious and wanted to stop her, but put yourself in this daughter’s position — ashamed, embarrassed. Those aren’t the feelings you want to create. Parents should be building up their kids, not tearing them down.”

Radin understands why some people may be reacting with a “good for this dad” attitude, but she says there are more layers to this issue — it’s not simply a joke post, and Jones’s actions could create a dangerous pattern. “If you set up a power struggle like this, she’ll up the ante as a teenager,” Radin warns.

She suggests that a private conversation is the best way to handle this type of situation. “It’s very common to have a fake social media account,” says Radin, adding that it’s also not okay. “It’s illegal until she’s 13, so tell her that. Talk to her, and explain the consequences of social media — make sure she understands that being online means that everybody in the world who wants to see you can see you, it’s not just your friends.” Stress that having social media accounts at age 10 is a safety issue, and that your job is to keep her safe, she explains.

Then shut down the accounts and say firmly, “This is over.” Radin advises telling a child, “You weren’t strong enough to say no to social media, but as your parent, I know that you’re three years away from this being legal so there’s a clear boundary here.” Inform her that the trust is broken and you’re going to be more watchful of her online activity — out of love. “That’s being a protecting parent,” says Radin. “What this dad did was not protective.”

With the boy issue, Radin recommends talking to her about the family rules and asking her why she felt it was okay to break them. “Create a dialogue and listen to her concerns,” she advises. And in terms of pretending to be older, Radin encourages parents to think about their young daughters’ internal self-images: “She’s growing up, so she’s experimenting with dressing older — that’s normal. Give her a safe space to do that by putting on makeup at home or fixing her hair with friends at a sleepover. Have her wash her face before she goes out, but know that she’s gaining confidence and trying new things.”

Radin says that if this daughter was starting to mature and feel confident — and that’s a good thing, with boundaries — her father very likely just damaged that in one second by pressing “post” publicly. “This action takes her self-esteem down ten notches,” she says. “A parent’s job is to build self-esteem with parameters and limits. But this strips away at it.”

Source


I love it when the experts chime in.

But in my opinion if the kid had the balls to break her dad's rule and lie about her age that could have brought trouble to her and whoever fell for her little lie, embarrassing the snot out of the brat so she knows what she did is wrong was the right move.

After all, heaven forbid he decided to spank her behind for breaking his rule and lying.

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I can see both sides of this. From the dad's side, he needed to make a very lasting memory in her mind of disobeying his rules and doing stuff like this. But yeah, it could make her less likely to trust him (sounds like she didn't already if she's going around behind his back) and it will likely lead to her 'upping the ante' as she gets older, like the expert said. Not all kids are mature enough to understand when you explain to them why they shouldn't do something and why it's not allowed. At that age, they think they are invincible and are always the exception to the rule. Not saying that public humiliation is the way to go, but doing big stunts like that is sometimes the only way to get it through their thick skulls before they get hurt, ya know?

Dangerous Streaker

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            I sense I'm gonna get a lot of troll flak for this, but whatever.

            I support low and medium-grade humiliation as a parenting tool. I mean, it just might because I hate kids, and the thought of knocking the 13-going-on-30 ones down a peg makes me incredibly happy, but I think if a child has the gall to defy their parents' rules so brazenly, or to act so unbelievably stupid and put themselves in danger, the least a parent should do is make them wear a shirt

            And let's be real. The design of the shirt isn't horrible for a ten-year-old. I don't mean the writing, but the graphics and such. Some ten year olds must think that kind of style is cool. At least it's not bubble letters, flowers, and Dore the Explorer. And even if it was, who's it hurting? If the kid gets bullied for it I see where some people might complain, but if that was the case she could just put a sweater on and the issue's solved, or if she wasn't allowed to take one with her, she could spill something on herself at lunch and go to the nurse for a new shirt. And for the barrettes and such -- kids wear that crap, so it's not like she'd even be the only one.

            Really this is getting blown a little out of proportion. He didn't hit her, he didn't lock her in the car, he didn't deny her food. Maybe he got her laughed at a bit, but the way she was acting to warrant this? I think laughter at her expense for a day is a very mild punishment for that. People need to grow up and let others parent their kids how they see fit (within reason, of course; abuse is not okay so don't take that statement as supportive of it -.-)


Bashful Businesswoman

Calling her a brat is a bit harsh don't you think? neutral

Anyways, I find this ******** ridiculous. Just ground her and take away her computer for a few days. Humiliation is not a proper punishment, especially over something this minor. Like seriously, I hope you all never have any kids

Believe me, if parents think they will get more respect in return for antics like these, then they're dead wrong.
What they'll get instead is a child who no longer feels he or she can trust the parents.
Yes, children need boundaries, guidance and family rules. What they don't need is to feel betrayed by the people who should ultimately take care of them.

The Internet is forever. Things go viral in a crazy-short amount of time.Would you want all the dumb stuff you did as a kid broadcast for all to see?
When you google yourself in the future, do you want the first thing to pop up to be a picture of you being humiliated by your parents when you were ten? Like, how do any of you possibly think this is in any way a good idea.

We are also too conditioned to make excuses for this. I mean look at how 'funny' parents humiliating their children is supposed to be or how destroying or threatening to destroy their child's things (rememeber that hillbilly dad from a few years back who shot his daughter's laptap because she had the audasty to (gasp!) complain about chores on facebook.) is considered a'okay and a good way to keep a child 'in line'.

And honestly all of this just seems like an easy way for lazy parents to pat themselves on the back for doing a "good job" instead of actually taking to their kid and trying to see what the problem is. I mean, why do that when you can just upload pics of your kid looking stupid on Facebook and have millions of strangers gush over how amazing you are for being a bully to your own kid. rolleyes

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I see nothing wrong with this.

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Since when did identifying someones age and clothing them in reasonable clothes become child abuse?

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This Is NoMerycy

Holidazed


            I think the big stink everyone' starting over this is because it embarrassed her, not specifically because of what it said.

            But even then, since when is making a kid feel embarrassed child abuse?

            I feel like people these days are way oversensitive about children's feelings, like they need to be sheltered from even mild emotional discomfort and if it means letting them get away with dangerous ******** stunts like this, so be it.

            And by the way, @NoMercy; this isn't a minor little thing; this is serious behavior that could get her in seriously deep trouble. Being 10 and flirting with older boys online is not only disgusting, but reckless and dangerous, and the likelihood of her being targeted by a predator on one of her social media accounts, tracked down (or been coerced into giving up her address or phone number), and kidnapped, raped, or killed, is pretty damn high every time she logs on.


            And it's not about how funny it is; it's about letting parents be parents.

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This Is NoMercy
Calling her a brat is a bit harsh don't you think? neutral

Anyways, I find this ******** ridiculous. Just ground her and take away her computer for a few days. Humiliation is not a proper punishment, especially over something this minor. Like seriously, I hope you all never have any kids

Believe me, if parents think they will get more respect in return for antics like these, then they're dead wrong.
What they'll get instead is a child who no longer feels he or she can trust the parents.
Yes, children need boundaries, guidance and family rules. What they don't need is to feel betrayed by the people who should ultimately take care of them.

The Internet is forever. Things go viral in a crazy-short amount of time.Would you want all the dumb stuff you did as a kid broadcast for all to see?
When you google yourself in the future, do you want the first thing to pop up to be a picture of you being humiliated by your parents when you were ten? Like, how do any of you possibly think this is in any way a good idea.

We are also too conditioned to make excuses for this. I mean look at how 'funny' parents humiliating their children is supposed to be or how destroying or threatening to destroy their child's things (rememeber that hillbilly dad from a few years back who shot his daughter's laptap because she had the audasty to (gasp!) complain about chores on facebook.) is considered a'okay and a good way to keep a child 'in line'.

And honestly all of this just seems like an easy way for lazy parents to pat themselves on the back for doing a "good job" instead of actually taking to their kid and trying to see what the problem is. I mean, why do that when you can just upload pics of your kid looking stupid on Facebook and have millions of strangers gush over how amazing you are for being a bully to your own kid. rolleyes


No..I don't think calling her a brat is harsh because I could of called her the first thing that came to mind that begins with stupid piece of .... after I first read the article because the brat could have endangered herself from posing as someone she's not.

And as for kids, yeah I really don't want any because I really couldn't handle seeing them go to school and worry that they won't make it back home because of some classmate with a problem that their parent (s) didn't see because they didn't talk to the kid.

Bashful Businesswoman

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And by the way, @NoMercy; this isn't a minor little thing; this is serious behavior that could get her in seriously deep trouble. Being 10 and flirting with older boys online is not only disgusting, but reckless and dangerous, and the likelihood of her being targeted by a predator on one of her social media accounts, tracked down (or been coerced into giving up her address or phone number), and kidnapped, raped, or killed, is pretty damn high every time she logs on.

Well you know, there's this little thing called talking to your child and explaining why flirting with men you don't know online is wrong. Shocking I know. Humiliating her isn't going to make her realize why it's dangerous. If anything, she'll probably be a lot more careful now of hiding her relationship from her dad. All this is teaching is that she shouldn't break rules, not because of how it affects herself and others, but because of the consequence she'll face from her dad if she's caught.
Because once again, public humiliation of child via parent rarely solves the actual problem.

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This Is NoMerycy


            You can save the sarcasm, thanks.

            I agree that kids need to be talked to, but who are you trying to fool, thinking that talking is always enough? Especially at 10, why do you assume the kid would listen -- let alone obey? I ignored plenty of talks coming up, but when my parents made me feel really, truly bad over what I did, that lesson stuck. Words don't always mean something to children.

            But more importantly, how do you know he didn't talk to her besides? Lol why are you so quick to assume if he did this, he didn't sit her down and explain why what she did was bad as well? Embarrassing your kid doesn't make you a horrible barbaric monster with no communication or 'proper' discipline skills, so please, spare yourself the humiliation and don't automatically assume that's who he is. emotion_facepalm

Bashful Businesswoman

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But more importantly, how do you know he didn't talk to her besides? Lol why are you so quick to assume if he did this, he didn't sit her down and explain why what she did was bad as well? Embarrassing your kid doesn't make you a horrible barbaric monster with no communication or 'proper' discipline skills, so please, spare yourself the humiliation and don't automatically assume that's who he is. emotion_facepalm


You're assuming things about him too buddy. You're no better then I am.
And yes you're right, I don't know. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. But there are literally hundreds of other ways to handle this that still involve treating their children like fellow human beings worthy or respect, instead
of humiliating their children on the Internet where millions of people will see for years to come.

If you choose to shame a child in front of peers or public, you run a very real risk of derailing the relationship you have with your child. It hacks at the confidence your child takes into the world. If you screw up and mom takes you aside, that’s one thing. If you screw up (and kids DO screw up) and suddenly, you’re exposed to humiliation, it will shut down the drive to take a risk and make mistakes.

If you, the key person they trust to help them navigate and learn from REAL mistakes, parades them around for cheap Internet fame, it will not take long for them to take a backseat and let life steer. Shame stays with you and affects decisions down the road.
I wouldn't do it, then again I wouldn't want to be posting a bunch of regular photos of my child up on social media either. If he wanted to humiliate her, he could have done it in a way where there wouldn't be proof of her humiliation on the internet for the rest of time.

I also question what sort of parenting leads to a ten year old posting on multiple hook up sites claiming they are an older teenager.

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This Is NoMerycy


            The key word here always has to be sometimes. Sometimes a child will respond better to being taken aside and dealt with quietly. Sometimes they won't. She just might be one who doesn't listen to words alone. We don't know. I think we just need to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and move on. :/ What he did wasn't inherently wrong, so, whatever. Live and let live.

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Krissim Klaw
I also question what sort of parenting leads to a ten year old posting on multiple hook up sites claiming they are an older teenager.


            Be fair; it's not just parenting styles that determine why kids do what they do. She may have heard of someone else doing it -- maybe a friend's sibling talks about her account around them --, seen it on TV or in a movie, read about getting online boyfriends in a magazine...and a working parent doesn't have time to watch every show and movie their kid does, or read every article. I wouldn't immediately question the father's competence as a parent.

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this is my fall avatar
This Is NoMerycy


            The key word here always has to be sometimes. Sometimes a child will respond better to being taken aside and dealt with quietly. Sometimes they won't. She just might be one who doesn't listen to words alone. We don't know. I think we just need to give this guy the benefit of the doubt and move on. :/ What he did wasn't inherently wrong, so, whatever. Live and let live.
Anyone who believes that you can just take them aside and talk rationally with a child has obviously never been a parent.

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