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xXHopless RomanceXx's avatar

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If you really knew me, you'd know I'm afraid that I'll end up alone. All but three of my friends are currently in a relationship and they rarely even speak to me anymore. One of them has only spoken to me once since school got out. I feel like I'm losing them and it scares me.

I've never even dated anyone because most of the guys my age are immature idiots. The rest are either gay, in a relationship, or just friends. The guy I have a crush on barely knows I exsist. (I know that's common, but still.) I get too nervous to even talk to my crush because I'm afraid of rejection.
latina12artist's avatar

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if u really knew me u would know i am called white even though im half hispanic.
Azolus's avatar

Dapper Shapeshifter

If you really knew me, you'd know that I am a deep, thoughtful person that thinks about tough subjects like religion and astrohpysics. I have conversations with my sister about religions of the world. Though I am also quite lost... Unsure where to go, what to believe. I am lonely, every guy in my school says bad things of me, I have been bullied since I started kindergarten. I spend most of my time alone, drawing, reading, playing video games or playing the piano. I cannot make decisions on my own, I usually have to hve someone elses input before I can decide. I would call myself parinoid, fearful of such pathetic things like my food and drink being poisoned, and that people are talking about me and plotting bad things behind my back. I am distrustful of most people, and I question their motives when they do something oddly nice.
If you really knew me..
You would know that, my life is like a game for me. I can't lose, or else I'll just fail, and die. I go through so many obstacles, just to get passed the level, until I get to a point, where its my time, to just fail a level, and disappear. If you really knew me, you'd know that I wish I was dead, I've wished I was dead for almost 7 years now, I've cut before, that was no help. Because, I knew my family LOVED me, and my friends loved me. Even though, my family didn't really show any affection, they didn't let out their feelings. I've attempted to cut, several times, and yet, I just can't hit that spot, the spot that kills me. Cutting a vein and just letting it bleed, and stuff. I feel like my family hates me a lot, like 90% of the time, but the thing that stops me is when we have that 10% of pure love. Joy, and stuff. I've had to force smiles out, go through hell and other stuff.. But I'm alive now, and that's really all that matters... And , I was left when I was born, by my dad, I will never forgive him for that, I remember when I was a little girl, whenever he would come to our house, because my stupid cousin's uncle told him the address, I would run upstairs, lock myself in my room, and burst out in tears, yelling from inside the room. For like five years, I thought I was my dad free, no, free from that man, but no. We went into a restaurant, I didn't know who worked there, and we ate, the food was eh, yadiaiaaha, and when my aunt was paying, she looked back at the kitchen, and saw him. At that point I just wanted to get the hell out, and run to the car. So we did that, but my mom and step dad.. they just went straight home, when me and my aunt(who parked closer to the restaurant)went to the store to pick up a couple of things.. Then I saw him, he went to out car, and I saw him, he had four kids, and he was laughing.. I just wanted to cry,. ~ My grammar's kinda messed up, cos it took me a while to think about this, I was looking back.~
Also, if you really knew me. I went through lots of force the
past high school/ junior high years. Most of my boyfriends, would try to do things I didn't want to do, none of my relationships ever lasted longer than 6 months. Well 1, but he died of cutting.. We lasted from grade seven to grade nine.. He was the best. I didn't know he was cutting...

Also.. last thing.. My mom got married.. And, I seriously, hate her husband. I just want to cut him up nad UGHH, but people think I like him. They always tell me I should call him daddy, or dad, but I can't do that.I don't tell them the real reason which is cos. He laughs at me, when I do something on accident, he yells at me, he makes my mom a better person, but more of a b***h! She used to be a cool mom, doing whatever she wanted, having fun with me, spoiling me, now she wants me to shop cheap for hideous clothes at an old woman store.. >_> He's such an a**.
cutcuttingcithough..
Lu Bean's avatar

Liberal Lunatic

Xx3DaysGxX
If you really knew me, you'd realize that I am hard on myself when it comes to my artwork, and I fear that my artistic skills will never improve.

If you really knew me, you'd realize that I have a hard time trusting people, due to constant betrayal.

If you really knew me, you'd realize the only thing I hate is hate itself.


[[relatable minus the 'If you really knew me, you'd realize the only thing I hate is hate itself.']]

yeah, itd be nice w/o it but when people throw it at you i cant help but throw back five times harder.
Red Lights Gray Morning's avatar

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MewxKitteh

To all the self harmers that posted in this thread:
You should check our recoveryourlife.com
It's an amazing support community, whether you're trying to stop or not
You can add me on there, I'm GrayMorning
If you really knew me...I wouldn't be posting it online for all to read. Whatever is posted on the internet stays on it forever. I do have some dark secrets but I wouldn't tell. Even if that show was at my school, I would make something up.
DirtyDishes's avatar

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If you really knew me then you would know that I absolutely hate being alone. I hate that I can barely ever go see my friends because my family keeps me trapped inside their house. They say they want to keep my safe from the dangers of the world. Because of that I get so jealous when I see my friends hanging out with other people instead of me. I get so heart broken when I have to hear about the amazing times they had during the weekend. Or the amazing time they had a party. It really really hurts. I have such bad depression. All I want to do is sleep in. I never want to leave my room or talk to anyone. I have such bad anxiety too. There are plenty of days where i wish death will come upon me, but i cant just leave my little brother and sister alone....
If you really knew me, you would know this:
all my life, I thought the people that I called "mom" and "dad" where my parents, and when I turned 18 they told me was adopted.
I lived a lie.
And I wish I could live it again.
Becuase of my stupidity, I have not seen nor heard from them in almost 3 years.

that's what'd you'd know
.
if you new me im really nice and cute and im bi so its funny i dont believe in cheating and my life has been hard but i love to make new friends so its amzing about what they can do for me heart im also mean when some one messes with me so i really intend u not to mess with me oh yea im bi to dramallama
psycotic_wallaby's avatar

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maryjanehuntstigers
sorry this is so long sweatdrop
if you really knew me youd know i dont consider myself having a family.
my dad and i dont talk yet we are bedrooms apart.
last thing he told me was that i was his maid and i had no better part in this family. he thinks i will live in a cardboard box when im older and constantly reminds me of how my 11yo sisters better, smarter, prettier, and that he doesnt plan on having anything to do with me once ive moved out.
my mom has bipolar disorder so everythings unexpected with her. shes a really angry person. and i might lose her to breast cancer. my older brother and sister hate my parents so much theyve stop talking to any of us. i guess the closest family member to me is my baby sis, who i cant even trust because she goes behind my back and tells everything i tell her to my dad and mom nd they will make fun of me even when im in the room. if you really knew me, you'd know that i went into depression 2 years ago. my brother was mugged, the man was so heartless he didnt seem satisfied with taking his money and his car, he scalped him and left him for dead. my grandma past away almost a week later. i was so angry and sad that when i was babysitting my beautiful baby cousin, Arillyssa, i just left her in the living room to watch the tv and locked myself in my room. i left the door open for light but forgot to lock the screen door and she went out and dissappeared. never found her. gone at 2yo and it was entirely my fault. everyone says its not, but thats because there just trying to be good friends to you when they know the truth too. i isolated myself, dropped out of school, quit church, stayed inside for about a year and when i was finally ready to come out, everyone left me. my bestfriends found other bestfriends. my bf had found someone else. the church acted like they didnt know me. my neighbors wouldnt even say hi anymore. it was my choice and i knew it, but since then, i knowve ive become a tougher person and to just deal with things or your just wasting your own valuable time. 3nodding


you are always loved by God. remember he'll take care of everything if you trust in him and love him too.
if you knew me, you'd know i love a boy who will be for the most part gone 6 years in the military, and may possibly end up in korea. but as hard as things look, i'm sticking with him because i can't imagine myself with anyone else. the trouble is, mom and dad are iffy about him not believing in God. i was coerced into breaking up with him once, then when we got back together, my parents were at it again. they compared me to my aunts who had abusive ex husbands, but i know he's not like that. i know his family, and they are good people.
Ailindrae's avatar

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psycotic_wallaby
maryjanehuntstigers
sorry this is so long sweatdrop
if you really knew me youd know i dont consider myself having a family.
my dad and i dont talk yet we are bedrooms apart.
last thing he told me was that i was his maid and i had no better part in this family. he thinks i will live in a cardboard box when im older and constantly reminds me of how my 11yo sisters better, smarter, prettier, and that he doesnt plan on having anything to do with me once ive moved out.
my mom has bipolar disorder so everythings unexpected with her. shes a really angry person. and i might lose her to breast cancer. my older brother and sister hate my parents so much theyve stop talking to any of us. i guess the closest family member to me is my baby sis, who i cant even trust because she goes behind my back and tells everything i tell her to my dad and mom nd they will make fun of me even when im in the room. if you really knew me, you'd know that i went into depression 2 years ago. my brother was mugged, the man was so heartless he didnt seem satisfied with taking his money and his car, he scalped him and left him for dead. my grandma past away almost a week later. i was so angry and sad that when i was babysitting my beautiful baby cousin, Arillyssa, i just left her in the living room to watch the tv and locked myself in my room. i left the door open for light but forgot to lock the screen door and she went out and dissappeared. never found her. gone at 2yo and it was entirely my fault. everyone says its not, but thats because there just trying to be good friends to you when they know the truth too. i isolated myself, dropped out of school, quit church, stayed inside for about a year and when i was finally ready to come out, everyone left me. my bestfriends found other bestfriends. my bf had found someone else. the church acted like they didnt know me. my neighbors wouldnt even say hi anymore. it was my choice and i knew it, but since then, i knowve ive become a tougher person and to just deal with things or your just wasting your own valuable time. 3nodding


you are always loved by God. remember he'll take care of everything if you trust in him and love him too.
Wow I'm so sorry, you' seem to have such a tough life, it's good you've become stronger, I'm sure there will be plenty of people in your future that care a lot about you, this is only one part of your life, as long as you keep yourself moving forward things always turn around.
if you really knew me youd know that a while ago i was sick and i kept going to the emergency room but none of the doctors there could find anything wrong with me so they thought it must be psychiatric. my friends didnt believe me, my teachers didnt believe me, and my family didnt believe me. i felt so sick that i tried to run away from my problems, and for two weeks during one year of school i never came. every day was a full fledged battle to stay home against my parents but somehow i did it. when i went back i had to go to the councilor because id missed so much school the teachers yelled at me ;_; i wanted to kill myself every day and i thought i was going crazy so bad i started getting ocd-like actions to try and 'control' it. then finally i went to a new doctor and he figured out what was wrong and making me sick and i had surgery and now im almost completely better and so much happier. he saved my life .

if you really knew me youd know that i feel so ugly most of the time that i cant look people in the eye. that every time i walk around the halls i try to pretend no one can see me. music is my escape and it helps so much. im always the one laughing and joking and faking smiles :/ but its alright i guess..

that was long woah o.0 we had challenge day (our version) at our school and it failed horribly emo .

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