Angeltear1716
(?)Community Member
Magical Girl
Offline
- Posted: Fri, 02 May 2014 15:51:01 +0000
Hey guys, I don't regularly venture into this part of the forums but today has been a pretty bad day where I feel like I'm at an all time low.
Getting fit has been one of those things which has been on the top of my priority list, but forever the one thing where something always manages to get in the way. I dont have enough money to get a snazzy gym membership so I make do with Youtube videos and channels. A large sofa was placed in the room I would usually work out in, and the only remaining space is usually occupied by my brothers 8 month old and her toys - more often than not I'm the one babysitting for the majority of the week, so you can probably see where that goes. But when the space is free, I instantly jump on it to break out one of the videos or dvd's I have although it's inconsistent.
Today however, I got too brave, too fast. I broke out Insanity and some time into the warm-up after already being teary that morning I began to have a panic attack and ran to my room. My SO tends to do it with me, and he began demanding that I go back downstairs and complete the workout. I couldn't breathe, my throat burned and my legs had turned to jelly. When I told him I couldn't continue and didnt feel up to it he stormed off and slammed every door behind him...
I tried talking to him and he began to make it more about himself, saying that I'd blame him 'when I failed' and that I 'don't want it enough'. I told him I was doing my best considering the amount of things going on within my family (which is long standing and painful. But I want to support them in any way I can) He dismissed my efforts and flexibility when the space isnt available, as I'd usually opt for going on walks instead - with or without the baby.
I honestly feel like I've taken a gut punch, because a lot of what he said has that tell tale sign that he thinks I will never be thinner, more confident and healthier, and that he would make it more about himself when I've never once blamed him or the circumstances that we're all trapped in.
How am I supposed to get back on the horse after this? Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen to them? I cant help but feel that I'll always look and feel disgusting forever and I'm powerless to do anything about it. I want to feel empowered and in control. My diet isn't bad so I've already mastered that, but it's just the exercise.
Getting fit has been one of those things which has been on the top of my priority list, but forever the one thing where something always manages to get in the way. I dont have enough money to get a snazzy gym membership so I make do with Youtube videos and channels. A large sofa was placed in the room I would usually work out in, and the only remaining space is usually occupied by my brothers 8 month old and her toys - more often than not I'm the one babysitting for the majority of the week, so you can probably see where that goes. But when the space is free, I instantly jump on it to break out one of the videos or dvd's I have although it's inconsistent.
Today however, I got too brave, too fast. I broke out Insanity and some time into the warm-up after already being teary that morning I began to have a panic attack and ran to my room. My SO tends to do it with me, and he began demanding that I go back downstairs and complete the workout. I couldn't breathe, my throat burned and my legs had turned to jelly. When I told him I couldn't continue and didnt feel up to it he stormed off and slammed every door behind him...
I tried talking to him and he began to make it more about himself, saying that I'd blame him 'when I failed' and that I 'don't want it enough'. I told him I was doing my best considering the amount of things going on within my family (which is long standing and painful. But I want to support them in any way I can) He dismissed my efforts and flexibility when the space isnt available, as I'd usually opt for going on walks instead - with or without the baby.
I honestly feel like I've taken a gut punch, because a lot of what he said has that tell tale sign that he thinks I will never be thinner, more confident and healthier, and that he would make it more about himself when I've never once blamed him or the circumstances that we're all trapped in.
How am I supposed to get back on the horse after this? Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen to them? I cant help but feel that I'll always look and feel disgusting forever and I'm powerless to do anything about it. I want to feel empowered and in control. My diet isn't bad so I've already mastered that, but it's just the exercise.
