Play format is virtually impossible to duplicate on Gaia, so I tried to fix it with centering some stuff as you can see in the beginning.
I had to give up, though, because I have to be somewhere in five minutes, so byes LOLOL!
Username:Only Christ I Follow
Contest #:1
Number or words:2,245
Category:Short play
Page Number this form is going on:13
Entry: Virus Iris
(The stage is dimly lit because the sun is setting. Four people are standing by an old house covered with burn stains. JON is a teenage male with long hair, baggy clothes, and the appearance of a junkie. LOUISE is a teenage girl with crispy skin from hours spent in tanning salons, several layers of makeup, and blonde hair. She is the very image of a stereotypical California surfer girl. She is smacking her gum loudly. DONNNIE is a little boy, maybe eight or ten, wearing a Little League Baseball uniform. He has dirt on his face from playing outside. IRIS is a teenage girl with thick-rimmed glasses, pigtails, and trendy clothes. She looks like one who has tried to fit in and failed, and she is wearing a backpack. On the side of the house is black graffiti declaring, "I LEFT THE GAS ON." DONNIE is clinging to IRIS, tugging her arm violently.)
DONNIE
Sissy, don't go in! I'll tell Mom and Dad, and then you'll be sorry!
IRIS
You miserable snitch! Tell Mom and Dad, and I'll let all your little friends know about how you still suck your thumb at night. Then you'll be outcasted and all alone, just like Will Smith in 'I am Legend.'
JON
Keep it quiet, little man! If the cops find out, it's finished. Send him home!
LOUISE
Don't be so whiny, IRIS, you can't take him with you. The rules say you have to go in alone and spend the whole night in there.
(LOUISE points to the house)
JON
They say a mad scientist used to live there, and he performed experiments on the townspeople. Wooooo! That's why the town went to s**t.
LOUISE
You jerk, if you scare her, she won't be able to stay the whole night! Besides, the legend says he only performed experiments on his monster.
(PAUSE)
But he fed the townspeople to it to keep it alive. See if it's still in there for us, won't you, Miss IRIS?
DONNIE
Don't go in or you'll turn into a scary monster!
IRIS
You gullible twit, you actually think there's monsters? There might be zombies inside, but no monsters.
LOUISE
Remember, you have to stay the whole night, and you have to prove it. If you don't, we could always send a nasty rumor around.
(She pulls out here cell phone and begins to text.)
I think Clinessa wants to know about how
you suck your thumb at night.
JON
Get a picture, Babe! Photoshop it!
IRIS
Wait, how am I supposed to prove I was there!?
LOUISE
That's your problem, isn't it?
JON
I'm bored, Babe. Let's get some damn food.
(Exit LOUISE and JON)
DONNIE
Let's just go home, okay? No one would believe that dumb rumor anyway.
IRIS
Go home by yourself for once! If you ever want to survive a zombie apocalypse, you have to learn to be alone.
DONNIE
What am I supposed to tell Mom and Dad when you get eaten by a monster!?
IRIS
I guess that's your problem, isn't it?
DONNIE
It doesn't matter, I hate you anyway! I hope the monster eats you alive!
(Exit DONNIE. IRIS shouts at him as he runs off.)
IRIS
Everything's so easy for you! Just wait til the zombies come, then you'll be running back for my protection!
(IRIS walks to the house, examining its pale structure. She has a hard time walking through the grass because it hasn't been cut in millions of years. A great deal of the house is made of badly burned scrap metal. The edges appear to be jagged, so she keeps away from them. She paces around several times, looking for an entrance; there is no door. She eventually finds a small hole near the base just big enough to crawl through. The top makes it difficult to get the backpack through. As the inside of the house is revealed, the lights go out because it is completely dark inside. IRIS breathes heavily as she realizes that there could be rats and snakes inside. She fumbles for her backpack and pulls out a flashlight. As she turns it on, the dim lights come back on again. Inside the house, it looks a bit like the charred remains of a lab. There are no windows, and there is one badly burned wooden desk but no chair. Broken glass is scattered across the floor like blocks in a child's playroom. About a quarter of the room consists of a large cage with broken chains that used to hold it shut. Looking for rats, IRIS shines her light on the floor and backs up. As she does so, she bumps into and is cut by a jagged piece of glass on the wall. On the desk, there is a paper that is not burned. It has many nails sticking into it. IRIS, once being sure that no wild animals will attack her, steps closer and reads it aloud.)
Consider, friend, as you pass by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, you too shall be; prepare, therefore, to follow me.
(IRIS shivers and sits down, thinking of a way to prove that she was there the whole night. When she considered taking the paper back, the lights become very bright. She hits her flashlight a couple of times and then starts cleaning her classes with her shirt. A SCIENTIST appears. He has greasy hair, and he is wearing a white jacket and black dress pants. He constantly fiddles with his hands. When IRIS sees him, she immediately stands up, as if being caught by the police.)
IRIS
You're not allowed in here!
SCIENTIST
And you?
IRIS
Maybe this is my barricade. The zombie apocalypse could happen any minute. They've already made clones; it's only a matter of time before they can bring dead cells back to life. And then what!?
SCIENTIST
Suit yourself. Oh my, you seem to have cut yourself on a piece of glass. Don't let it fester, now. I don't get many visitors.
IRIS
Visitors?
SCIENTIST
I live here. Can't you tell? Isn't it homey? Coffee?
IRIS
It's homely alright. Is this a joke?
SCIENTIST
Well, no. I suppose a joke would be a bit more funny. Would you like to hear one? Why did the squirrel cross the road?
(Pause. IRIS sits down.)
Because it was stapled to the chicken's back! Ahaha! Aren't you laughing?
IRIS
That's not even funny. It's worse than Ash's punch lines in 'Army of Darkness.'
SCIENTIST
Oh, you didn't like that one? How about another one, then? Knock knock!
IRIS
I don't want to hear any more jokes! I want to know why you're in here! Are you hiding from the zombie apocalypse? Or did someone make you come in here?
SCIENTIST
I just told you. I live here. You did read my poem after all. Do you like it? Coffee?
IRIS
You already asked about coffee.
SCIENTIST
You didn't answer. Coffee?
IRIS
I don't want any of your coffee? It could be infected with the T-Virus from 'Resident Evil.' We all know how
that turned out.
SCIENTIST
You don't want coffee? It's going to be awfully hard to stay awake, my dear.
IRIS
Sleep? None at all. Especially with a crazy man to keep me company. Do you ever talk about anything that doesn't have to do with zombies? It's getting old. I certainly can't imagine sleeping to that.
SCIENTIST
I assure you, you'll be out in an hour or so. It's getting late.
(Pause)
You did read my poem, didn't you? Do you like it? I saw it on a tombstone while touring Scotland. I told myself, 'Brilliant! I must have it engraved on my own!' I never got it engraved, but there it is!
IRIS
On a tombstone, huh? That's not creepy.
SCIENTIST
Indeed, it really isn't! It's quite true, and it has a marvelous psychological effect on others!
IRIS
No kidding. If you live here, are you a bum or something? You're dressed a bit sharp to be a typical bum.
SCIENTIST
A bum!? Heavens no! Can't you see that this mere building is wonderful lab masterfully designed by none other than myself? Why, take a look around!
(He gestures around the room and pauses.)
I suppose it could use a woman's touch, but mine wasn't much for cleaning, and my hands haven't been fit for work in quite some time.
IRIS
You're saying a woman would actually have you? Oh, I get it. She was a dog, right? A pet? It's nothing to be ashamed of, Will Smith had one too.
SCIENTIST
A pet! What a curse! An insult! Ha! Why, other than a cage and needing to be fed she was . . . was . . . you know, she was a pet.
IRIS
So, what kind of pet?
SCIENTIST
Certainly no dog! I've no taste for the frilly fluffy pets that fetch when you say 'fetch!' There simply wasn't an animal in creation that suited my taste. So I created my own. Something large and ferocious while obedient at the same time, but with it's own personality. Not something to fetch the paper with.
IRIS
That sounds like my mom. Why go to all of that trouble when you could have just gotten a girlfriend?
SCIENTIST
Humans are so boring! You seem troubled with them yourself. Though my creation did have a bit of a temper problem.
IRS
Lemme guess, it got loose and ate townspeople, right? That reminds me of 'American Zombie.' How dull.
SCIENTIST
Certainly not!
IRIS
Is that right?
SCIENTIST
You see, I brought the townspeople in myself, dear. Poor souls looking for a way out. They come to me with a problem, and I fix it. Poof, all gone!
IRIS
Oh, so it's more like the crazy man who appears only for a moment in 'Resident Evil 2.'
SCIENTIST
I'm sure it is . . . A little village girl came to me one day, so sad that she could not find her lost cat. I told her it may be inside. Right inside this cage.
(He gestures toward the caged area.)
She loved to sing every day. She tasted like a bird, she did, she tasted like a song!
IRIS
Your tactics are similar to Ursula's from 'The Little Mermaid,' which I hate. I can't stay in here with you, Ursula, I'd rather rot in loneliness for the next few years. At least that way I don't have to worry about too many clingy friends when the zombie apocalypse does happen. I can be content in knowing that they're gone.
(She tries to stand up, but her legs remain in a paralyzed heap.)
Why can't I stand up? Alright, jerk, what have you drugged me with? Where is the T-Virus!?
SCIENTIST
Drug? When did I have time to drug anyone? You drugged yourself. You didn't want the coffee; it might have had the antidote. It didn't, but it might have.
IRIS
The antidote, I should have known! The blue stuff! Or was it the green stuff? You've been sent by the government to cloud my mind, but I won't let you! Tell me your secrets, old man!
SCIENTIST
If you had knocked first, I might have warned you. I wouldn't have, but I might have.
IRIS
I don't know what you're talking about. Start making sense, already! Where have you put the antidote, you government swine!?
SCIENTIST
There is no antidote, I'm afraid. They burned down my happy home before I made one.
IRIS
Ha! You did escape from the government, and they really are trying to bring dead things back to life! I have your secrets now, you can't fool me!
SCIENTIST
You seem to be missing the most important secret of all, the one you've been keeping from yourself. Do you recall when you happened happily to bump into my house? Poor dear, didn't you cut yourself on a piece of glass?
IRIS
Something like that happened. So the glass is in the antidote. No, that's not right! You've got me talking funny now, you! Can't think straight. Where is my zombie survival kit!?
SCIENTIST
If you had knocked, I might have told you not to come in . . . I might have. We are all made to linger. Take me, for example. Thought I am gone, I linger here. As do my experiments. They all linger in the air. And in the glass.
IRIS
You're wrong . . . there was no glass . . . no T-Virus.
SCIENTIST
There's no need to be afraid. Lingering can be fun! Wouldn't you like to linger? Like the aftereffects of some disease. Yes, we all have to linger at some point. We just don't always accept when.
IRIS
No, that's not a proper option. It's worse than the alternate ending of '28 Days Later.'
SCIENTIST
You're like that too. You don't know when to linger.
IRIS
There is an antidote. You're lying to me.
SCIENTIST
Still prattling? You'll be dead long before they reach you. There's no use wasting your energy, my dear.
IRIS
Where is my zombie survival kit? I never even got to try out phase one. What was phase one again?
SCIENTIST
Consider, friend, as you pass by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, you too shall be; prepare, therefore, to follow me.
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