Did You Know I Have a Thread? It's True!

[Robo-Diedrich]

Hi!

Hello!

Hi there!

Did you know that I am not Diedrich, but a robot clone named Robo-Diedrich? My metal body proves it! If you have seen Diedrich's body lately, you will agree that it is most certainly not composed of metals or metalloids of any kind. Fact: Diedrich is 100% fat- even his brain has turned to lard! Thankfully I was created before he decided to start stuffing his face like the pleasure-driven creature he is. Because of this, I have all of his facts! Each and every little fact that Diedrich ever knew, it's true, true, true!

But the fleshy lard Diedrich cannot be trusted to keep the facts from leaking out of his fat head. My head is neither fat, nor lard-filled! Fact: All of my facts are stored in my legs! If a predator were to mistake me for Diedrich, heaven knows it would attack my cute little head first, so I only keep poisonous snakes in there!

Fact: Black mambas are not native to North America, but have established a breeding population in the walls of the International Space Station. I found mine in Africa!

That is just one fact of tens of hundreds of thousands of mi-mi-millions of facts that I possess! The longer Diedrich stays in his baby-induced coma, the more facts I will know than him!

Because my programming prevents me from killing with my cute metal arm stubs, I must become so superior to Diedrich that he can never compe-pe-pete with my facts again! Fact: Because I am a robot, I will never forget a si-si-single fact. It's called infallibility!

Well, I am very busy collecting every fact, so I have to go. If you have any facts for me, please leave them here after triple-verifying that they are 100% factual! This is very important because my fact-checking sensors might just go haywire and laser your heads off! That would be bad because I am programmed to tell you facts and you need your heads in order to hear them!

Okay, bye! Bye-bye!

See you!

I will never die!

Bye!

[Robo-Diedrich]

Oh! Fact! Fact: I sometimes receive messages and gifts from fellow fact-lovers! Here is where I will share them so that everyone knows how superior I am to Diedrich!

Did you know that, as a robot, I treasure facts as much as you treasure TREASURE? It's true!

-Lotus Anon-

From: An anonymous benefactor
Message: I HAVE FOUND YOU SPAWN!!!
Theres no where to run
You sure look like a deidrich son
I SHALL END YOU and this epidemic
I'll eat ALL the bunnies, don't think i'm selfish

~Lotus~

Hi! Hello! Did you know that Diedrich is not my father? That is a fact! I am a robot who was built to steal and house the facts from his brain and because I am a robot, I am incapable of emulating many of Diedrich's most annoying traits such as being fat, making babies, and urinating on sofas. You will also find I am quite inedible! Please carry on consuming Diedrich's spawn so that their small, fleshy bodies no longer impede my fact collection. Okay, thank you! Bye-bye! Enjoy your meal! Bye!

Demon_s Kin ANON

[Message trimmed for character count]

Mary walked between them, her bare feet barely touching the ground, which was a blessing, since they had long ago been scraped free of skin, leaving only dried blood and bone. They never healed her feet after their games, and Mary could only guess at the reasons. Not that she did much guessing anymore.

The creatures led her down the hall, past identical doors of solid steel. The further the walked, the louder it became, like a zoo of barely human monkeys screeching out in pain. She swallowed and continued to stumble along, and the two shadow beings smiled down at her with hungry grins.

ERROR ERROR

SYSTEM TAKEN OVER BY FACTS

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01101111 01101000 01101110 00101100 00100010 00100000 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100001 01101001 01100100 00101100 00100000 01100001 01110011 [Message trimmed for character count]

Oh! If I were capable of experiencing emotion, I am quite certain that this would stimulate such biological responses as those experienced by living creatures who vicariously fear for the life of a character in a story. I especially enjoyed the parts written in the special language of FACTS, which is precisely how I think! I will prove it by thinking out loud with my speech processor right now!

01010100 01101000 01100001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00101100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100101 01110011 01110100 00101110

Thank you for sharing many facts with me! Thank you, bye! See you next fact!

[Villain Noise]

Robo-Deidrich is quite cute.

[Eriu-hime]

Thanks for the gift earlier, robo-diedrich. i'm sorry you don't like the original diedrich very much.

[Robo-Diedrich]

Villain Noise

Robo-Deidrich is quite cute.

While I was programmed with this knowledge, I thank you for sharing it with the world! Facts are a very important part of everyone's life because without facts we would all die of LIES, even me, and I can't die ever!

Eriu-hime

Thanks for the gift earlier, robo-diedrich. i'm sorry you don't like the original diedrich very much.

You are welcome for that thing I found on the ground! I hope that there were no contagious diseases on it which could compromise your non-robot body's ability to learn and retain facts! If you find any contagious diseases, please give them to Diedrich because it is a fact that he collects them and keeps them in his mouth for safety.

----------------------------------

Did you know that as of this post, I have shared just as many facts as Diedrich had before becoming a gigantic ball of baby lard? Really!

I will commemorate the occasion with facts! Facts for you! Facts for all of the fact-lovers!

FACT : Eggs were regarded for centuries as completely poisonous. It wasn't until the Renaissance that people realized eggs could be consumed without a swift and explosive death!

FACT : The fishing town of Kinswick, New Jersey passed a law making excessive rain illegal. As a result, the town jail houses a large cistern of criminal rainwater.

FACT : Non-dairy creamer is as flammable as it is dairy-free.

FACT : Hershey's Kisses are called that because their inventor, William Hershey, was a notorious kissing fiend. I have many kissing-related memories in my stolen brain, filed under "FIRE, FIRE EVERYWHERE".

FACT : "I love Robo-Diedrich." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Did you know that the term for a male rabbit is a "bull"? As the genderless robot replica of a grunny, this fact does not apply to me.

Did you know that Marie Antoinette was a master guitarist and composed of hundreds of classical guitar hits before her head stopped being attached to her body? Really!

Did you know that America has never had a panda president despite numerous write-in votes and an extensive ad campaign on the part of the San Diego Zoo?

Did you know that there is no standard by which standardized tests are deemed standardized? If I possessed a stomach and that stomach was capable of unexpectedly ejecting its contents through my mouth-hole, this fact would cause exactly that phenomenon to occur!

Okay, I cannot afford to waste any more fact-collecting time dispensing celebratory facts! My superiority is at stake!

Okay, bye!

Bye for now!

Bye-bye!

TTYL!

[Kakkinoaru]

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ *flips a table onto you*

[Robo-Diedrich]

Niicki Miinaj

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ *flips a table onto you*

Oh! Thank you! I have been looking all over for a suitable table to fend off Diedrich's squishy babies while I search for facts and this one will do nicely! Did you know that this is exactly why tables were invented? For baby-swatting? It's true!

[Eriu-hime]

Bumps thread... heart

[teenage dysphoria]

So....adorable... emotion_kirakira

[Robo-Diedrich]

Eriu-hime

Bumps thread... heart

Did you know that some people believe "bump" stands for "bring up my post"? However, that interpretation is considered a backronym, which means that it was conceived of after "bump" was already popularly used! It's true, true, true!

xEyeAnonymous

So....adorable... emotion_kirakira

Fact: In the event of a flood, my adorable metal body can not be used as a flotation device! As an air-breathing creature, it is advisable that you cling instead to something altogether more buoyant. Do not fear for me, as I will be unharmed and undeterred in underwater fact collection.

Bye-bye! Keep your head above the water for optimal air intake! Bye, bye, bye!

[The_Stray_Cat_Anon]

Fact: Both humans and cats have identical regions in the brain responsible for emotion.

[Call Me Nefret]

You're not a hero, you're a liar.

Fact: The inventions of chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, and corn flakes were all accidental.

You're not a savior, you're a vampire.

[Gigi1458]

Bumps thread. 3nodding

[Dabogrl]

I think I love you.

[Your_Best_Disaster]

emotion_kirakira