- Posted: Sat, 14 Apr 2012 04:11:34 +0000
Did you know that I am not Diedrich, but a robot clone named Robo-Diedrich? My metal body proves it! If you have seen Diedrich's body lately, you will agree that it is most certainly not composed of metals or metalloids of any kind. Fact: Diedrich is 100% fat- even his brain has turned to lard! Thankfully I was created before he decided to start stuffing his face like the pleasure-driven creature he is. Because of this, I have all of his facts! Each and every little fact that Diedrich ever knew, it's true, true, true!
But the fleshy lard Diedrich cannot be trusted to keep the facts from leaking out of his fat head. My head is neither fat, nor lard-filled! Fact: All of my facts are stored in my legs! If a predator were to mistake me for Diedrich, heaven knows it would attack my cute little head first, so I only keep poisonous snakes in there!
Fact: Black mambas are not native to North America, but have established a breeding population in the walls of the International Space Station. I found mine in Africa!
That is just one fact of tens of hundreds of thousands of mi-mi-millions of facts that I possess! The longer Diedrich stays in his baby-induced coma, the more facts I will know than him!
Because my programming prevents me from killing with my cute metal arm stubs, I must become so superior to Diedrich that he can never compe-pe-pete with my facts again! Fact: Because I am a robot, I will never forget a si-si-single fact. It's called infallibility!
Well, I am very busy collecting every fact, so I have to go. If you have any facts for me, please leave them here after triple-verifying that they are 100% factual! This is very important because my fact-checking sensors might just go haywire and laser your heads off! That would be bad because I am programmed to tell you facts and you need your heads in order to hear them!
Okay, bye! Bye-bye!
I will never die!