What are your views of S/M

[Sir Barton]

What is S/M?

Many people will slip into the common answer of “sado-masochistic” activities. They view S/M as whips and chains. Darken stone wall dungeons and torture devices. S/M need not be so ultra violent. Many vanilla (ordinary) relationships incorporate basic forms of S/M in their sex lives without even thinking about it. If you have playfully spanked your partner in bed or slapped their behind when they passed by, pinched a n****e, pulled their hair or bitten their neck, you have experienced S/M play.

S/M can stand for sensual magic since these interactions are very sensual, sometimes sexual, in nature. While it is based on strong sensations those sensations need not be pain in its common form. S/M combined with passion gives us the freedom to explore ourselves and out relationship at a much deeper primitive level then we can through any other means.

What do you think of S/M?
Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
Why do you think society as a whole tends to have a dim view of S/M?
What excites you?
What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
(Questions need not be all answered. They are more to get people thinking to drum up discussion.)

Also feel free to discuss BDSM in general, D/s, M/s..... since they all support each other.

[DeathWyrmNexus]

I think of the more extreme forms of S&M as odd. Just something I cannot fathom but I can't speak against the results.

I remember a generalization that Iris brought up in another thread about how people seem to think that Masochists can't be raped. Rather galling that one.

As for why people try to restrict what others do in bed, I feel that perhaps they do it out of a sense of validation for their own strict ways. If they can't have fun, why should anybody else? Tis one thought on it from the top of my head.

[Spatterdash]

What consenting adults get up to in private is nobody's business but their own. If they can keep it private. Nobody has a right to ask, but it's also polite not to go on about it, either. Not that most people do, but I've known a few people who are just excruciatingly lacking in the ability to tell when divulging information is inappropriate.

[Sir Barton]

Since the psychological community has now realized that S/M isn't a mental illness I am curious to find out if the general population is following their lead.

[DeathWyrmNexus]

Spatterdash

What consenting adults get up to in private is nobody's business but their own. If they can keep it private. Nobody has a right to ask, but it's also polite not to go on about it, either. Not that most people do, but I've known a few people who are just excruciatingly lacking in the ability to tell when divulging information is inappropriate.

You do bring up a point. Some people do lack a proper mental filter when talking about their sex lives in public. However, I do say that some people are painfully sensitive about what me and a friend are talking about quietly at our own table. I've seen assholes nearly leaning over trying to listen to us only to frown when we were talking about something they didn't like.

[xGlamorous]

What do you think of S/M?
I think the idea behind it is very sexy and alluring. I have daddy issues, so a soft spot for me is a dominant man in my life. Plus, I find comfort in giving someone I love control over me. But my man and I both have limits to what we'll do. So we don't delve very deep into it
Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
I'm not sure, but I think everyone has some degree of it.
Why do you think society as a whole tends to have a dim view of S/M?
Because of the people who exploit it and abuse it
What excites you?
My man heart He's the epitome of everything I want. We're on the same level mentally when it comes to what we want and don't want, sexually. He's the more experienced one though.
What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Err...I don't think I really have any generalizations about them. I guess I assume sadists enjoy it because of lack of power or control they feel in their own life or have experienced in their past. So it's pleasurable to be able to do something that was withheld. Masochists are either very trusting people or very misled people who haven't had someone to help them learn to make decisions.
Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
Maybe because it always eventually leaks into society in some way. Mostly through the media. People have different beliefs of what they think is right and wrong and with our society, more specifically our media, nothing is really kept private very long. Also, as previously mentioned, abusers of different things shed bad light and turn people off. Whether it's abusive S/M situations, hypocritical Christians, or extreme civil rights activists who burn national flags.

[Blackrose_Knight]

What do you think of S/M?
I think it is fine and dandy! It feels... curious and good.

Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
I have no idea. Different people feel different things when the same thing is done to both people. I am thinking biochemistry here.

Why do you think society as a whole tends to have a dim view of S/M?
Society as a whole? They are a challenged lot. Like you stated whips, chains, all sorts of fun devices in a dark musty room. *rolls eyes* When really Joe Schmoe likes to spank his wife during "whoopy time" is still S/M. I blame the media! (I have no idea really, people are afraid of what they don't know so they shun it.)

What excites you?
Being bitten first and foremost. On the neck, the wrists, I like being bitten. Hair pulling, spanking, and pinching.

What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Well one I see often is "All pain is good" NO IT ISN"T!!!!!!!!! I cry with toothaches and hate stubbing my toe. I very much hate hitting my elbow and breaking bones still hurts like nothing else.

Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
Because the secretly want it... >.>
I have no idea.

[Sir Barton]

xGlamorous

What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Err...I don't think I really have any generalizations about them. I guess I assume sadists enjoy it because of lack of power or control they feel in their own life or have experienced in their past. So it's pleasurable to be able to do something that was withheld. Masochists are either very trusting people or very misled people who haven't had someone to help them learn to make decisions.

While not particular to sadist, you make a good point that many people who take a dominant role in the home do lack power in their normal everyday life and this gives them a chance to have control and balance themselves.
The opposite can be said of the submissive. Most bottoms are very controlling powerful driven people in their vanilla surroundings and enjoy being able to relinquish that control to their partner. It gives them a chance to relax and refocus while enjoying the feeling of being protected while they are vulnerable.

[Captain Daemonfelis]

Blackrose_Knight

What excites you?
Being bitten first and foremost. On the neck, the wrists, I like being bitten. Hair pulling, spanking, and pinching.

*makes mental note*

[xGlamorous]

Sir Barton

xGlamorous

What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Err...I don't think I really have any generalizations about them. I guess I assume sadists enjoy it because of lack of power or control they feel in their own life or have experienced in their past. So it's pleasurable to be able to do something that was withheld. Masochists are either very trusting people or very misled people who haven't had someone to help them learn to make decisions.

While not particular to sadist, you make a good point that many people who take a dominant role in the home do lack power in their normal everyday life and this gives them a chance to have control and balance themselves.
The opposite can be said of the submissive. Most bottoms are very controlling powerful driven people in their vanilla surroundings and enjoy being able to relinquish that control to their partner. It gives them a chance to relax and refocus while enjoying the feeling of being protected while they are vulnerable.

Yeah, I can understand that. My boyfriend is a very dominant personality and a very driven person. He works very hard and puts his all into everything. Sometimes, when it comes to us time, he needs me to direct it or plan it because he just needs time to relax and not have to think.

[Sir Barton]

Blackrose_Knight

Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
I have no idea. Different people feel different things when the same thing is done to both people. I am thinking biochemistry here.

Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
Because the secretly want it... >.>
I have no idea.

Very likely that they secretly want it. wink

Here's a thought that I have about the drive behind S/M. At its bases sado-masochist play is sexual and I feel that when we indulge in these activities we are being more true to our animal nature. Do animals have romantic soft fluffy sex? Nature shows have shown us that sex in nature tends to be rough and in some species this is needed to excite the female. Maybe we are more human when we tap into that primal nature and let our beast roam.

[Captain Daemonfelis]

What do you think of S/M?
Different strokes for different folks. Let me stroke my way.
Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
Curiosity and experimentation.... allright..... boredome
Why do you think society as a whole tends to have a dim view of S/M?
Misery loves company.
What excites you?
....Do you really want to know? Violet wand and electricity for the win, and yay for me weighted bunnies.
What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Masochists like the pain they like.... A few are hardwired masochists... and true sadists are few and far between.
Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
They secretly like it and it causes a schism in themselves. Or it intrigues them anyway.
I think everyone has a voyeurism fetish...... deep inside.
ninja

[Sir Barton]

xGlamorous

Sir Barton

xGlamorous

What generalizations do you make about sadists? Masochists?
Err...I don't think I really have any generalizations about them. I guess I assume sadists enjoy it because of lack of power or control they feel in their own life or have experienced in their past. So it's pleasurable to be able to do something that was withheld. Masochists are either very trusting people or very misled people who haven't had someone to help them learn to make decisions.

While not particular to sadist, you make a good point that many people who take a dominant role in the home do lack power in their normal everyday life and this gives them a chance to have control and balance themselves.
The opposite can be said of the submissive. Most bottoms are very controlling powerful driven people in their vanilla surroundings and enjoy being able to relinquish that control to their partner. It gives them a chance to relax and refocus while enjoying the feeling of being protected while they are vulnerable.

Yeah, I can understand that. My boyfriend is a very dominant personality and a very driven person. He works very hard and puts his all into everything. Sometimes, when it comes to us time, he needs me to direct it or plan it because he just needs time to relax and not have to think.

*nods* My girl is a professional. She's strong willed and very controlling but there at home she is my slave. There have been times that she had really rough days at work and didn't even talk to me but came in and tossed a flogger to me so I could beat the stress of the day out of her. Good thing for her that I wasn't in a real sadistic frame of mind at the time or I would have not complied with her wishes.

[Blackrose_Knight]

Sir Barton

Blackrose_Knight

Where do you think the drive behind such activities comes from?
I have no idea. Different people feel different things when the same thing is done to both people. I am thinking biochemistry here.

Why are people so obsessed with what other people do in bed, thus try to restrict it?
Because the secretly want it... >.>
I have no idea.

Very likely that they secretly want it. wink

Here's a thought that I have about the drive behind S/M. At its bases sado-masochist play is sexual and I feel that when we indulge in these activities we are being more true to our animal nature. Do animals have romantic soft fluffy sex? Nature shows have shown us that sex in nature tends to be rough and in some species this is needed to excite the female. Maybe we are more human when we tap into that primal nature and let our beast roam.

Not the image I wanted to see... I remember something about barbed cat penises....
Anyway good theory. Also I imagine it has to do with the make up of each person's pain systems and how they respond. Bite me and my knees give out. Bite my best friend, she will hit you and then cry cause it hurts. But it is animalistic in nature.

[Lilith1713]

I am just beginning to delve into S/M myself, but more in a M/s sense. The drive is a natural one; you see it with animals, and some part of me wants to be submissive and dominated, and enjoys a bit of roughness whether it is spanking, or whatever punishment Master devises. (If am seriously being punished, then I do not enjoy it; I feel terrible when I upset Master) I am normally a dominant person. I'm still in high school, but I'm a 4.0 all honors, top in a competitive environment. Because of that, I really enjoy and feel most comfortable being submissive. As I said..I'm still in high school, and not sexually active, and only beginning this. Most of the stuff I do are told by Master online, and with webcamming he can make sure that I do as I am told. This type of control really excites me. I love it when I am spanked, or when my ears are bitten, or my nipples pulled. However, I've fond that it turns me on the most that after all of that, to see the gentler side of Master and to be cuddled. Society always oppresses what is outside the norm. S/M is not vanilla, therefore most of society will have a dim view. People are hypocrites. Sadly, I think people are so obsessed because they secretly are turned on by the idea, or try to pride themselves by thinking it is below themselves. What generalizations can be made about sadists and masochists? Well..there are far more out there than one would expect, but not all people embrace that side of themselves. The exaggerated forms are less common, but still, not wrong. It is our society that is wrong for not accepting this as a legitimate way to pleasure oneself and one's partner.