Noobs & Mating: The Complete Anti-Guide

[General Socks]

YOU WIN!!!!!!!!

[xXTickingxHeartXx]

Stumbled upon here and find that the whole 'mating' thing is the kind of thing I had a conversation with myself once. Very funny indeed, I salute you. xD

[JessaOf1989]

After reading such an informative article, I can't help but notice its lack of an intermediate stage that the slightly more aggressive n00bs with a bit more control enter into when they're starved for cybering but don't want to appear so. As well, it would be advisable to note that female n00bs are becoming increasingly as likely to attempt mating as male n00bs; in time the two genders should be just as hormone-driven and lacking in restraint to hold back.

So, without further ado, my appendation, using the assumption of a male n00b to save time:

There are several mating calls of the n00b, with varying levels of urgency and literacy. Upon noticing such a female that grasps their attention, they will approach with the traditional greeting, seldom times with any sort of applicable grammar or spelling, and then rely on a collection of phrases or questions which will signify their desires for mating, even if they themselves are unaware of how obvious their requests are.
A common method of attracting consent from the female includes complimenting her appearance. This is backed up by the belief that the female will become so flattered that, in her elated state, she will consent to mating with the n00b. In such an instance, you will hear these mating calls:
* "Ur hawt" ("YUUR hauut" wink
* "hay sexy" ("hai SE-cksee" wink
* "ur prtety" ("Uhr purr-tehh-tee" wink (Commonly believed to be a misspelling; however, some resort to this tactic in such a strong number that it may be the original means of stating the phrase)

A more up-front approach than complimenting the female, or a popular follow-up, is the requesting of the female's age. By gauging how old their target is, they are better able to assess the experience of mating with their target female-- that is, the closer to their own age (or, upon the statement of "18" wink , the "hawter" ("HAOW-turr" wink the cybering will be. An alternative explanation is that these n00bs are in fact NOT 16 or 15 as they may state, but 46 or 45, and are simply searching for someone to cyber with who will not get them into legal trouble or on "To Catch A Predator".

As well, the longer a n00b has been deprived of mating, the more aggressive he will become; in most cases, they will then resort to the blatant request for mating on-the-spot. This should not be confused with their use of a "pickup line" they most likely found somewhere else in the dark annals of the internet; in this case they deliberately request that the two users "cyber", usually incorporating the word "wanna".

[Reno of Shinra Inc]

At this point in time it would seem apt to add a dissertation on the female of Noobus noobletium spp. I'm not the one to do it, but I just wanted to get the ball rolling: those girls are a -lot- damn more aggressive. I enter a town as pretty much any of my male RP avatars (all from Final Fantasy 7) and within literal seconds I am accosted by a female noob throwing herself at me. Typically this means standing directly over my avatar, facing it. These noobs always invariably wear tiny bikini tops. Sometimes the bottoms are short shorts, othertimes they're bikini bottoms, but damn, they're aggressive.

[xXLoveDefeatedXx]

*Dies Luaghing*

IM A NOOB x[ But this is too funny. xD

Someone help meh. I dunno how to do anything!

If your nice to the noobs then we'll leave you alone. :p

Im only noobish on Gaia. x] Cuz I wanna bug you all. :p

stressed

[Intoxicated Moments]

BRAVO!!!!!! very nice!! i laughed my a** off on that one xd so true...!!!!!!

[Drake_Lucifer]

Let's hunt some noobs together when you guys have time, alrite?

There's something that's been ignored though...

The mature noob seems to adapt himself to the point of ressembling another less common type of internet user called the role player (or RPer for short). These seem to be just as numerous on gaia as classical noobs but unlike them they have a genuine literate behaviour and do not (generally) resort to things such as cybering and even if they do they fail to reproduce in the doing of such actions...

However this is how the mature noob differs from the RPer, while he hangs around with normal RPers and other normal gaians and/or users of other sites/MMOs, they try to find excuses to cyber, often dragging one or more RPers into the vicious circle that is being a noob. (scientific term: Noobism.) This is one of their multiple methods of reproduction known as "conversion" or "assimilation".

Noobs can easily be distinguished from other gaians by another thing you might ignore that wasn't mentionned on here: "Their avatar's facial expression\" It often has a wide mouth that is commonly taking the shape of a wide happy smile. But like everything else, it isn't a 100% reliability...

[Drake_Lucifer]

tansyuduri

OK LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHING

-stop this!-

people call others noobs for askin simple questions like "how do you get the cool water ballons"

for the most part treating others as noobs is just a way for you too feal supirior about youselfs you were new too once you knowi'm not sayin that all the behaviors you listed are ok but there are a few things i will set you strati on


"To know your enemy's weaknesses will lessen the chance of a fruitless noob-hunt.
First of all, a male noob approaches a female type, spouting innocent language such as 'hi',

-saying hi is comany known behavior of the human being

'what are ur hobbies'

- did it ever ocur to you they might be trying to see if you share the same interest

to a proposition to talk further in a nearby house.

- oh the horror!


Starting to RP between conversations

its fun to rp!

001000-district.

that is actuly were alot of the arogent people are!



How can one recognize a noob?

Although there are difficulties with determining a noob from first glance, it is recommended to keep the following factors in check:
- Look at the name. 'inuyasha12310' or 'naruto777741' are likely to be noobs. Note that these are mere examples. The more original the name and the frequency of capital letters, the less likely the person belongs to the noobish horde. Remember that relying on this alone is not recommended.

ok WRONG there people are more likly showing their interest in a anime or they do is as part of a roleplay!

- Type of speech. Chatspeak is their native tongue, and they tend to shun complicated words

- look chartspeak is fine not everyone is great at grammer or has the time to go back and edit!

better sense of fashion like you, whether it be in names or clothing. -their you go feeling al supirior


_ reconsider being so judge mental and ignore them!

You're mistaking "newb" and "noob"...

Ignoring the difference between the two proves you are a noob...

[Yoru Kurosawa]

JessaOf1989

After reading such an informative article, I can't help but notice its lack of an intermediate stage that the slightly more aggressive n00bs with a bit more control enter into when they're starved for cybering but don't want to appear so. As well, it would be advisable to note that female n00bs are becoming increasingly as likely to attempt mating as male n00bs; in time the two genders should be just as hormone-driven and lacking in restraint to hold back.

So, without further ado, my appendation, using the assumption of a male n00b to save time:

There are several mating calls of the n00b, with varying levels of urgency and literacy. Upon noticing such a female that grasps their attention, they will approach with the traditional greeting, seldom times with any sort of applicable grammar or spelling, and then rely on a collection of phrases or questions which will signify their desires for mating, even if they themselves are unaware of how obvious their requests are.
A common method of attracting consent from the female includes complimenting her appearance. This is backed up by the belief that the female will become so flattered that, in her elated state, she will consent to mating with the n00b. In such an instance, you will hear these mating calls:
* "Ur hawt" ("YUUR hauut" wink
* "hay sexy" ("hai SE-cksee" wink
* "ur prtety" ("Uhr purr-tehh-tee" wink (Commonly believed to be a misspelling; however, some resort to this tactic in such a strong number that it may be the original means of stating the phrase)

A more up-front approach than complimenting the female, or a popular follow-up, is the requesting of the female's age. By gauging how old their target is, they are better able to assess the experience of mating with their target female-- that is, the closer to their own age (or, upon the statement of "18" wink , the "hawter" ("HAOW-turr" wink the cybering will be. An alternative explanation is that these n00bs are in fact NOT 16 or 15 as they may state, but 46 or 45, and are simply searching for someone to cyber with who will not get them into legal trouble or on "To Catch A Predator".

As well, the longer a n00b has been deprived of mating, the more aggressive he will become; in most cases, they will then resort to the blatant request for mating on-the-spot. This should not be confused with their use of a "pickup line" they most likely found somewhere else in the dark annals of the internet; in this case they deliberately request that the two users "cyber", usually incorporating the word "wanna".

Very true, especially that last bit. You two should co-author a book.

[Reverend Havok]

You are a genius! I don't think I've ever seen anything like this before. Thank you for this helpful guide and your tips. Hopefully, I get the chance to raid a house someday...

[Sebastian MichaeIis]

I think this might just be the best thread on Gaia. c:

[This is my cool face]

You deserve recon to be a mod.

[This is my cool face]

emoisonlyastateofmind

sithe-fae

Oh my quite the win for you sir.. Indeed the N00bs are a very strange species of Gaians all together. It would be an atrocity if there were N00B uprisings in the towns.. although at the same time it would be quite funny to see all of them rambling on in their chatspeak trying to scare others off.

b***h

Hey look a noob.

[Sir Regulus Lyonhart]

I would have said, tl;dr... but instead I read every word and laughed my a** off.

In fact, I think now, I will go to Towns to perform some research. ;3

[TtheHero]

I always used to hit up the blantly pointed out cyberint topics in Towns

Now with the happening recently, it feels like there's been a decrease in cybering activity...

Or is there??? I can still feel them out there somewhere...

I'm just glad none of that crap happens in ANY of the acres near my house.