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Elektro7
Same biggrin

Well, I'd say your writing ability is well above average, maybe a bit, "stiff", in places though.

SlimShady777
he was sure that since the boy he was talking to was a chunin he could take care of himself


Grammatically fine, there really no issues at all. Try reading it out loud though, and it sounds a bit robotronic, doesn't really flow as opposed to something like this:

Quote:
since the boy was a Chunin, Axel was sure he could hold his own


Just cut out a few words, rearrange some others. I guess you could say, "Spice it up", make it more Human-sounding. Other places you also say things like, "was not", it may be best to shorten them all to, "wasn't". It's generally only best to keep things like that as two words when one of them is really emphasized, like a comparison, "The first block was blue, whereas the second was not". Making something sound all robotic just to add length is never worth it.


It may be a good idea to try phrasing things in more than one way too.
slimshady777
The drops of blood become larger and larger until there are dozens of them, all the size of a basketball, in the form of an eye.


Could be turned to something like:

Quote:
The blood drops grew larger, swelling to basketball size and molding themselves to the likeness of an eye

And probably a dozen other things too. come up with a few, even just two, and pick the one you like best instead of just going with the first thing that comes to mind.

Realism may be something to consider too, I mean I doubt anyone would have time to say, "oh, got it" with Kunai flying at them. Even if they somehow did, I find it hard to believe they'd bother.

you know.... all of your ideas are really, REALLY helpful dude, I have to say though this is me at my vewry, very, VERY best, I'd ask if you'd like to see me at my worst and help me with those, but GOD it's so embarrassingly terrible xD

and ya about the writing what first comes to mind, that's actually how I usually write things, I mean like essays, I write the first thing that comes to mind, then go through it and fix any mistakes I see. When I roleplay I don't really do the checking part though, cause I don't like keep the person or people I'm roleplaying with waiting. And also I hate, HATE it when I',m roleplaying with multiple people and I post something, and the post takes so long that one of the other people I was roleplaying with posted something while I was taking sooooooo long to post that basically makes what I posted not possible, so I have to delete my post and post something else and then the same thing happens AGAIN and agh it's so annoying.

And btw the reason why I had Axel say "oh, got it" is because he's a really sarcastic person (like me)
Elektro7's avatar

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SlimShady777


Speed has been an issue for me too pretty often =/
The best way to get around it is practice. Maybe don't start off by double-checking every sentence, maybe every second or third sentence to begin with. Then maybe try every third and fifth, or second and third.
And if a particular sentence is causing you troubles, just skip it, maybe come back to it later. Sometimes I've spent 10-15 minutes trying to fix a sentence or two that was just kicking my butt. A few of those times I've just gone on ahead and done the next sentence, after that's done it's easier for me to come up with something fitting for that one left in the middle. I find it's easier for me to work backwards too, I'll start from the end. That's how I make most of my RPs too, I just decide on an end result or basic plot, and come up with something that can lead up to that as a backstory.
Man it has been a while since I heard from this thing.
amarzyciel's avatar

Decorated Streaker

Viral C



a little bit comment and sharing

I like the character making area,I have been trying to make non-generic
it takes very long time to make a unique character. those you write over there is what I generally hate and stayed away from,I try to at least.


I try to make a rather easy going,leaning to foolish character
and being random actually is fun whee
weaving more layer over it,like he has short memory,often forget stuff
reason why he is like that, misery, trouble,all forgotten.
then those attitude bring in crazy decision or inappropriate action ( lol oh,how I love this)
he isn't that goody-goody type, he has a touch of selfishness.
I don't think mine even understand good and bad. He do based on what he want to do.
((I just love rp-ing this one))

his past...errr amnesiac..((cliche,but I have never see it in rp one before))
maybe because it put their RPC to not knowing anything and bring in weakness?

Need help with literacy here:
I have hard time with grammar and variety of words, admittedly NOT native with english language.
Tried to bring in emotion,but I often cut it sort,before I ramble too much with thought. Since there is just situation when your character is in no place to think so much and long. ((maybe you should add that too. overly long thought))

I am probably considered semi-lit to Literate,but I have been commented to have horrible,unreadable grammar (It worries me) plus fragmented sentences. any help with fragmented sentences? tips to join sentences together. especially in rp where you have to answer numerous people's post.


Some content irritated me,so no comment in there or me bringing it up.

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