Rezlin Kaiser
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- Posted: Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:54:39 +0000

Țяϵρρϵ Άɾυȷɨ
"You should listen to me..."
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Once Treppe even realized that Ryo had noticed his crying, which wasn't very hidden in the first place, let alone that he cared at all... Treppe just couldn't take anymore. Inside, he had a strange feeling like he betrayed himself, and at the same time the love he wanted all to himself grew further and further away with each passing moment. His legs felt a bit weak, and he tried to support his own body, but he failed. He fell to the ground, and laid his body against the desk as a mixture of sobs and laughter followed each tear. Ryo... His attempts to cheer him up were so cute. Treppe could faintly remember the line Ryo said, which was from a movie one of his sabotaged boyfriends took him to, but Treppe couldn't hear anything at all over the shouting that his boyfriend directed towards him. He could hear those faint words "It's clear I'm not supposed to be with you! Every time I go out with you, bad things happen to me! We're over..."
The fact that everyone he cared about left so quickly... He just couldn't grasp why. Sure, he wasn't anyone important. It wasn't like he was the best boyfriend out there. But he did a hell of a lot to try to be. As much as he could, he tried to somewhat love Ryo enough where he would at least be considered... well, special to him. Of course he knew Ryo loved him. But what good is loving someone if that person wants to love absolutely everyone who could give him whatever he wanted from a boyfriend, let alone an ex. If Treppe was able to establish why he even waited for Ryo to be ready for, supposedly, commitment... Would the words be "I love him" or "I needed love?" It's pretty much out there that Treppe is easily jealous. But if you saw a person you'd sacrifice so much for in someone else's hands... You wouldn't be much of a saint either. But that person Treppe felt so strongly for had asked him "what's wrong?" just now. Whether Treppe thought he was ready to hear it... He didn't know, but he had to tell him the truth of how he felt.
"Ryo... You know... Every time I do this with you... A bit of pain grows inside of me. Because, I... I see myself as worthless to you. I can't help but comparing myself to all the ex girlfriends and ********, and ex boyfriends that you have... I know you aren't ready for a relationship, but... I am right now. And the longer I wait for you, the longer I sit watching everyone other than me get to... even... kiss the man I've been willing to give a lot for, let alone please him... That's the longer, the larger, and quicker my heart grows black towards you. I don't know whether I hate you more than I love you... Or whether it's the other way around... You don't realize it, maybe... But I probably loathe myself more than you... For falling for you, first... Then for just tolerating you doing these things... ********, I even... I even sleep around with you like you want.... And sure, I loved it the first hundred times maybe... But then I wanted to die the other thousands, or millions of times... My heart broke several times over... Sometimes I had felt even worst than this. A normal person can't keep killing themselves with their own heart like I could... Especially if it's for you... But you don't see the ******** difference between me, or that redhead that I still smell on you... Or that Daemon... Or any of those sluts you screw, or screwed... on the side. That's why... I..."
Once Treppe reached the end of what he had to say... He was reluctant to even finish. If you could imagine a spiked stone stuck in his throat, one that would hurt if her swallowed it, or kept it held back... You have about 1% of the idea of how painful it was to try and say it. More and more, that stupid heart of his tried forcing it out to save Treppe's life. Yes, it was that serious. Treppe would have fell into despair if his heart didn't have time to heal. Yes, he loved Ryo that much. But he just felt like to Ryo... He was nothing. All of his emotions came out of his heart except anger. If anger came out, he couldn't hold himself together. But... Look what happened. His hatred for himself... Pushed out those heavy words.
"I give up on you... I give up on our past... Just go find someone else to give their soul to you... please... If you can, just... Let me be..."
Not even when Treppe was breaking up on Ryo, or when he found Ryo cheating on him numerous times, not once in the history of their relationship together did Treppe ever let himself tell Ryo he gave up. At all. It broke Treppe down to even say that now, because he still wanted Ryo. He still wanted to love him. But his heart was one of the lucky few hearts around the world that protected the person who valued it. It was like, up to now... Treppe opened his heart to Ryo. But when Treppe suffered too much, and his heart was also being hurt... It shut Ryo off forcefully. Ryo was no longer allowed in Treppe's love life. That was it. It was over. The word over just echoed through his head repeatedly, in all his ex boyfriends' voices. But in Ryo's place, his own voice spoke the words. Treppe quickly put on his new clothes, as fast as he could to get away from Ryo right now. He was surprisingly able to put them all on correctly, but... He just cried loudly all of a sudden, and the tears flowed more fiercely than before.
He ran out of the office and tried to find a place to go cry in private, but he had to make it appear he was okay, right? So he tried his best to act like he was okay. He walked out into the main room of the building, and as he tried his best to pretend... He couldn't. He fell down to his knees and mourned for his past. He cried as loud as was possible for his body, even though he thought his will would hold the tears, the wails, everything back. But his cry just... Went throughout the shop. He couldn't control himself. He sobbed as many apologies as he could, most of which would have belonged to Ryo, but they just went throughout the whole shop. He tried to move somewhere else, but... His legs couldn't carry him. He tried to stand up, and walked two steps toward the door, but he fell on his hands and knees. He was... Completely and Utterly broken.
"I'm so...sorry! I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Forgive me!!!"
He tried to shield his face with his hands as shame filled him. The problem that caused the shame was he was... Crying. After sex. On his job. In front of everyone. And he was so loud, he didn't doubt everyone could hear him. He didn't even doubt that the crying would make the customers uncomfortable. But right now, he needed to release his pain in some way. It was okay if there were no hands to comfort him, or someone to talk to, or hold him and try to wipe the tears away. He just needed to let himself be truthful. He's put up a front this whole time that he was a strong hearted business man. That it was okay to come to him for advice. That you could come to him for help. But who'd advise the advisor? Who'd he come to for advice, or help?
The fact that everyone he cared about left so quickly... He just couldn't grasp why. Sure, he wasn't anyone important. It wasn't like he was the best boyfriend out there. But he did a hell of a lot to try to be. As much as he could, he tried to somewhat love Ryo enough where he would at least be considered... well, special to him. Of course he knew Ryo loved him. But what good is loving someone if that person wants to love absolutely everyone who could give him whatever he wanted from a boyfriend, let alone an ex. If Treppe was able to establish why he even waited for Ryo to be ready for, supposedly, commitment... Would the words be "I love him" or "I needed love?" It's pretty much out there that Treppe is easily jealous. But if you saw a person you'd sacrifice so much for in someone else's hands... You wouldn't be much of a saint either. But that person Treppe felt so strongly for had asked him "what's wrong?" just now. Whether Treppe thought he was ready to hear it... He didn't know, but he had to tell him the truth of how he felt.
"Ryo... You know... Every time I do this with you... A bit of pain grows inside of me. Because, I... I see myself as worthless to you. I can't help but comparing myself to all the ex girlfriends and ********, and ex boyfriends that you have... I know you aren't ready for a relationship, but... I am right now. And the longer I wait for you, the longer I sit watching everyone other than me get to... even... kiss the man I've been willing to give a lot for, let alone please him... That's the longer, the larger, and quicker my heart grows black towards you. I don't know whether I hate you more than I love you... Or whether it's the other way around... You don't realize it, maybe... But I probably loathe myself more than you... For falling for you, first... Then for just tolerating you doing these things... ********, I even... I even sleep around with you like you want.... And sure, I loved it the first hundred times maybe... But then I wanted to die the other thousands, or millions of times... My heart broke several times over... Sometimes I had felt even worst than this. A normal person can't keep killing themselves with their own heart like I could... Especially if it's for you... But you don't see the ******** difference between me, or that redhead that I still smell on you... Or that Daemon... Or any of those sluts you screw, or screwed... on the side. That's why... I..."
Once Treppe reached the end of what he had to say... He was reluctant to even finish. If you could imagine a spiked stone stuck in his throat, one that would hurt if her swallowed it, or kept it held back... You have about 1% of the idea of how painful it was to try and say it. More and more, that stupid heart of his tried forcing it out to save Treppe's life. Yes, it was that serious. Treppe would have fell into despair if his heart didn't have time to heal. Yes, he loved Ryo that much. But he just felt like to Ryo... He was nothing. All of his emotions came out of his heart except anger. If anger came out, he couldn't hold himself together. But... Look what happened. His hatred for himself... Pushed out those heavy words.
"I give up on you... I give up on our past... Just go find someone else to give their soul to you... please... If you can, just... Let me be..."
Not even when Treppe was breaking up on Ryo, or when he found Ryo cheating on him numerous times, not once in the history of their relationship together did Treppe ever let himself tell Ryo he gave up. At all. It broke Treppe down to even say that now, because he still wanted Ryo. He still wanted to love him. But his heart was one of the lucky few hearts around the world that protected the person who valued it. It was like, up to now... Treppe opened his heart to Ryo. But when Treppe suffered too much, and his heart was also being hurt... It shut Ryo off forcefully. Ryo was no longer allowed in Treppe's love life. That was it. It was over. The word over just echoed through his head repeatedly, in all his ex boyfriends' voices. But in Ryo's place, his own voice spoke the words. Treppe quickly put on his new clothes, as fast as he could to get away from Ryo right now. He was surprisingly able to put them all on correctly, but... He just cried loudly all of a sudden, and the tears flowed more fiercely than before.
He ran out of the office and tried to find a place to go cry in private, but he had to make it appear he was okay, right? So he tried his best to act like he was okay. He walked out into the main room of the building, and as he tried his best to pretend... He couldn't. He fell down to his knees and mourned for his past. He cried as loud as was possible for his body, even though he thought his will would hold the tears, the wails, everything back. But his cry just... Went throughout the shop. He couldn't control himself. He sobbed as many apologies as he could, most of which would have belonged to Ryo, but they just went throughout the whole shop. He tried to move somewhere else, but... His legs couldn't carry him. He tried to stand up, and walked two steps toward the door, but he fell on his hands and knees. He was... Completely and Utterly broken.
"I'm so...sorry! I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Forgive me!!!"
He tried to shield his face with his hands as shame filled him. The problem that caused the shame was he was... Crying. After sex. On his job. In front of everyone. And he was so loud, he didn't doubt everyone could hear him. He didn't even doubt that the crying would make the customers uncomfortable. But right now, he needed to release his pain in some way. It was okay if there were no hands to comfort him, or someone to talk to, or hold him and try to wipe the tears away. He just needed to let himself be truthful. He's put up a front this whole time that he was a strong hearted business man. That it was okay to come to him for advice. That you could come to him for help. But who'd advise the advisor? Who'd he come to for advice, or help?
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"Why get the milk for free when you can pay me for it?"
Jealous One Still Envious



















