Good afternoon, Gaians! This is Cindy Donovinh of Gaia 9 Action News, here with all the recent developments in the Gaia world. The admins have launched some interesting new features over the past few weeks, so let's turn it over to them for a recap:

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We recently launched the Gaia Cinemas, where you can get together with other Gaians and watch movies, chat, throw fireballs and popcorn, and make a general nuisance of yourself. People have turned up in the hundreds of thousands to watch our small selection of goofy old movies-- who'd have thought that Prehistoric Women would be such a blockbuster?

But despite the awesomeness of Night of the Living Dead, people have been itching for more movies to watch. Well, you can quit applying soothing antihistamine lotions, Gaians, because your itch is about to get scratched!

Next week, we'll be putting another feature film and two more short films in the Gaia Cinemas. After that, we hope to stick to a regular update schedule where new content is added every couple of weeks, so you'll always have new stuff to chuck tomatoes at.

In the meantime: have you watched One Got Fat yet? I highly recommend it. It's terrifying. You get to watch a bunch of horrible monkey-child creatures get smashed to bits by various grim bicycle tragedies.

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Gaia's developers have been grinding their hands to the bone against their keyboards this month, bringing you a slew of new updates and features:

  • Report System Tweak: Some of Gaia's diligent reporters have noticed that there is now a 45-second limit between making mod reports. We added this limitation to provide a healthy balance between speedy reporting and preventing abuse of the report system.

  • Flaunt your Avatar: Be sure to check out Gaia's new Avatar Exporter, which lets you can bandy your Gaia Avatar all around the internet. It also includes the mega-spiffy Sig Lab, where you can create custom signatures to show off your interests.

  • A Space Odyssey: In the course of tweaking our username system, we've made it so you can once again use spaces and underscores in your name. Also, when you change your username, you can add or remove spaces, hyphens and underscores without paying any gold. For more info, check out this announcement.

  • Phone Payments: You can once again purchase gift credits and Monthly Collectibles with your home telephone, and it's a lot easier than it was before. No more 1-900 numbers! To find out a little more about paying by phone, feel free to visit our Phone Payment FAQ page.

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Good news for those of you with mobile phones and a couple bucks to spend: if you buy a Monthly Collectible with your mobile phone, we'll throw in a limited-edition premium wallpaper. We've added a new one for the month of May! Yay!

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With the upcoming release of the May 2007 Monthly Collectibles, the forums have erupted in wild speculation! Last night our dear friend Ron Bruise, Gaia's most beloved and behated (is behated a word? No!) film celebrity, handed us a note from the admin team with some especially challenging Monthly Collectible hints. Behold ye these headscratchers:

  • When "going dumb," it's important to ride properly. Just ask E-40.
  • Some people say I'm crazy. I've got to think of a good comeback for that!
  • Why do we throw rice at newlyweds, or throw pies in the face of clowns? I guess throwing food is just lucky, for some reason.
  • One of these items is something Gaians have been requesting for more than a year. That's a lame hint, but it's true!
  • What shall we do with a drunken sailor? Stick him in the cabin...
  • Johnny Depp suffered this affliction long ago (no, not scissor hands!)

With furrowed brows, the irrepressible wisenheimers of Gaia's forums set to work decoding the cryptic clues. Many hilarious guesses emerged, leading us to believe that the average Gaian thinks that the admins have gone completely insane:

"Hmm, Johnny Depp is scared of clowns, so Gaia must be making some kind of anti-clown spray. Also, rice-throwing is about fertility, so my avatar is going to get pregnant and have babies!"

Uhh... no. Keep guessing, Gaians! The release is only a few days away, and nothing feels better than saying "I told you so!"

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Old Man Logan recently returned from an extended sea voyage and updated the fishing trophies for the last few months. Thanks, Logan!

To check out this month's winners, head over to the Fishing Trophies Thread.