[NPC] Cindy Donovinh
- Posted: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:09:48 +0000
This is Cindy Donovinh with Gaia Action 9 News. Everything is going haywire! Alien signals are jamming our broadcast channels! There's pandemonium in the streets as alien invaders swoop their flying saucers over Towns!
I only hope this bulletin gets through:
The October donation items are here, and they've got a compelling air of mystery about them. First, we have the creepy Shadow Spirit, a skulking specter to keep you company when all your friends have fled from you in terror. On the brighter side, there's the Pixie, a glowing companion who doubles as a dazzling fashion accessory. Check 'em out, they’re only here for a month!
This month, you get to pick from a
Shadow Spirit and Pixie!
Go preview and get these donation items!
As always, Gaia's tireless development team has been staying up all night and slaving over overheated laptops to bring you lots of little updates to keep the site running smoothly. It's harder than it sounds!
GOLD MOUNTAIN IS BACK! – Gamers rejoice! Gaia Slots and Cards are back! We know you missed them, so what are you waiting for? Go play!
Invite Your Friends - Do you like your friends? No? Then get some new friends! If you answered "yes," though, we’ve got some good news: you can invite your friends to Gaia! Check out our new Invite page, and share all the awesomeness of Gaia with your chums. Did I mention that there are rewards involved?
The Gold system has been improved! In response to your feedback, Gaia has officially upped the ante by offering higher payouts and bigger bonuses for all the day-to-day stuff you do on Gaia: posting threads, exploring the world, bumbling around in towns, and whatnot. You wanted more, so here it is: MORE!
Banners, banners, banners! No, wait, come back, we're talking about the good kind of banners, not the lame kind that tell you to punch the hobo to win a glazed ham or whatever. Gaia is now going to have event banners around the site to promote new items, new features, and special plot events. No, they’re not ads! They’re just announcements about what’s going on around Gaia.
Two new energy drinks have been competing for the attention of Gaians. First, Gambino cornered the market with his tasty Red Bino drink, but a mysterious competitor soon emerged: the Zurg Energy Drink. Which beverage shall win the hearts of Gaia's jittery, wired masses?
You might have noticed for a couple hours that there was a new Photobucket Widget that let you upload and insert Photobucket images in your posts right from the posting screen. Sorry, but we had to take it down because it ate the post styles feature! gonk We hope to bring it back at a later time when it doesn’t break stuff!
Intrepid Gaian explorers have probably noticed a couple of new map areas by now. Barton South, which is exactly where it sounds like it should be, is a tree-lined suburb away from the hustle and bustle of the big city. Visitors to Barton South will immediately feel at home, because it IS home-- it's where Gaia's Towns are located! West of that lies the Barton Trench, a mysterious landscape whose purpose is as yet unknown.
Whenever Aliens appear, two things always seem to follow: cows and conspiracy theories. Both of these things have been taking Gaia by storm in the past week!
Rancher Bill's boneheaded, good-for-nothing son made another one of his trademarked errors in gate operation, resulting in a disastrous COW SPILL! Cows are now littering the Gaia world map, and ol' Rancher Bill has been way too lazy to corral them. Doesn't he know that aliens are afoot? History has proven time and again that the cow has no greater enemy than the alien (except the hamburger).
More disturbingly still, crop circles have been popping up on the world map! Are they the work of aliens, or do Rancher Bill's cows just have extremely precise grazing patterns? Oh, come on, that's just stupid! Of course they're the work of aliens!
Gaians have been going absolutely wild with conspiracy nuttiness regarding Gaia's most famous man, millionaire actor Ron Bruise. What's with Ron and his apparent love of the number 19? Is it mere coincidence, or evidence of something larger? What does 19 mean, if it means anything at all? To lend more weight to the already shocking evidence, allow me to delve into Ron Bruise's personal biography and bring light to some shocking facts:
Ron Bruise owns 19 chinchillas.
Ron Bruise owns exactly 19 shoes. "But that's an odd number of shoes," you might say; "shouldn't there be a 20th shoe?" That's exactly what he wants you to think.
When Ron Bruise was 19 years old, he fell out of a tree and broke his right collarbone in 19 places; he was hospitalized for 19 days, and 19 doctors attended to him. He ran up a bill of $19,000.
Ron Bruise has TEN fingers and TEN toes, but there is only ONE Ron Bruise. TEN plus TEN minus ONE is… you guessed it!
Ron Bruise blows Mariah Carey out of the water with his ear-shattering 19-octave vocal range. He can sing high enough that only dogs can hear it, and low enough to guide errant ships through the fog.
When we went through Ron Bruise's trash, we found 19 discarded back-issues of Field & Stream.
I don't have enough time to write 19 of these facts, but just pretend I did (and go nuts about it!)
Nah, now that I think about it, that's all probably just coincidence.
THIS JUST IN: Holy magnolias! Flying saucers have appeared over Gaia Towns! Stay indoors! Batten down the hatches! Hide the cats! Put tarps over the cows! Run for your liiiiiiiives!
We've told you this plenty of times before, but don't give anyone your password ever for any reason at any time no matter what forever for the rest of time! Hmm, perhaps that was not worded strongly enough. Maybe there is still some ambiguity about the fact that you should never ever under any circumstances ever ever give out your password to anyone, and never type it in to any website besides Gaia Online ever ever ever please please please please oh please I beg of you! Anyway, please don't do it. Here's some handy advice regarding password safety:
Don't tell anyone your password.
If someone asks for your password, even if they claim to be a Gaia admin, they are actually just a big huge jerk who we hate. Report them!
Do not use your Gaia username and password for any other site.
Never enter your Gaia password into any web form except Gaia Online's login screen, no matter what anyone says!
Hey! Don't tell anyone your password!
Awesome! Now we all know!
Anyway, thanks for reading our goofy newsletter. Now get out there and have some fun!