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Aekea Scarface

speaking of paradelles, i found one i wrote a long time ago. eek

Celestial

Stars bless the glowing night.
Stars bless the glowing night.
Suns slumber in deep twilight.
Suns slumber in deep twilight.
Glowing, night-stars slumber
in deep-bless twilight suns.

Comets crash into the moons,
Comets crash into the moons,
creating magnificent craters.
creating magnificent craters.
Magnificent moons (creating craters)
crash into the comets.

Planets circle 'round a star.
Planets circle 'round a star.
Seasons are born once more.
Seasons are born once more.
Seasons are born 'round
a planet's star once more.

Comets circle into a planet's slumbering
star, once more creating the seasons'
maginifcent moons. Blessed, round
craters crash -- glowing suns are born.
ACK. I WROTE ONE. burning_eyes I used this poem:

Silence
Silence shelters in the spaces
between screaming, crashing cars
in the blanket of sky seen through
spires of concrete castles, and in the
gap from here to
you. Silky threads of quiet
slide between my lips –
a connection you can’t see.
I wish I could untie my voice,
let it wind about you and bind you
in a message. So I grasp at the surrounding
noise, pulling consonants and vowels
from clinking glasses and shuffling
feet, putting letters in order, trying to find the right
words. But in my throat, the sentence tangles,
a hopeless, silent knot, stretching
taut across my chest.


but obviously I took only a few lines. Here 'tis:

Silence
Silence shelters in the spaces
Silence shelters in the spaces
between screaming, crashing cars
between screaming, crashing cars
screaming shelters in the silence
crashing spaces between cars

I could untie my voice,
I could untie my voice,
let it wind about you, bind you
let it wind about you, bind you
you could let my voice untie you.
wind it about. I bind.

But in my throat, the sentence tangles,
But in my throat, the sentence tangles,
a hopeless, silent knot
a hopeless, silent knot
But “hopeless” tangles the silent sentence;
A knot in my throat

I wind in between cars, knot
the screaming, bind you in silence.
Untie a crashing sentence –
it could let “Hopeless” about, but
my throat tangles in the silent spaces.
My voice shelters you.
MCRmy_Ninja
Pssst... what was the big drama in teh minstry however long ago it was? Whatever it was I totally missed that.


I don't think it much matters.

Nice to come back, and see some progress being made.
This makes me very happy.
Thank you for not giving up, you guys. heart
Astaire's avatar

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an english muffin
I'd like to try this form as well. I suck at forms though, beware.
I'm going to turn another one of my poems into one as well. One question though, do the last two lines of each stanza have to include all the words from the first two lines? also, can they repeat?


Yes, they must include all of the words and yes, I believe they can repeat (should the word be used more than once in the stanzas.) I'm not an expert on the form, but from what I've read, that's what I've gathered.
Son Vrai
I wonder what human flesh tastes like.


Chew your fingers and you'll get a fair idea.

We = bletch. talk2hand
Astaire
an english muffin
I'd like to try this form as well. I suck at forms though, beware.
I'm going to turn another one of my poems into one as well. One question though, do the last two lines of each stanza have to include all the words from the first two lines? also, can they repeat?


Yes, they must include all of the words and yes, I believe they can repeat (should the word be used more than once in the stanzas.) I'm not an expert on the form, but from what I've read, that's what I've gathered.


Noooooow you tell me. gonk
Astaire's avatar

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MCRmy_Ninja
Astaire
an english muffin
I'd like to try this form as well. I suck at forms though, beware.
I'm going to turn another one of my poems into one as well. One question though, do the last two lines of each stanza have to include all the words from the first two lines? also, can they repeat?


Yes, they must include all of the words and yes, I believe they can repeat (should the word be used more than once in the stanzas.) I'm not an expert on the form, but from what I've read, that's what I've gathered.


Noooooow you tell me. gonk


Sorry. crying I've been out all day, and didn't get the question until now.
Sorry about not answering your question, Astaire.
I really didn't think you''d take it so to heart.

If you really want me to write one, I'll have it along as soon as I give my other poem a serious facelift.
0-DCB's avatar

Aekea Scarface

So, is everyone into paradelles or something? o.O
I'm just glad I wrote one a long time ago. I don't think I'd be able to do it anymore. burning_eyes
Astaire's avatar

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zero the last decepticon
Sorry about not answering your question, Astaire.
I really didn't think you''d take it so to heart.

If you really want me to write one, I'll have it along as soon as I give my other poem a serious facelift.


I didn't take it to heart. Why, did you think I was upset or something? I just figured, you know, I would write the critique before I left, rather than wait for your response. (I'm never a good critic in the morning. domokun ) Unfortunately, I don't think tone carries over well on the internet.

The last stanza of paradelles are a b***h, I'm finding. crying I'm still trying to tweak mine.
Son Vrai
I wonder what human flesh tastes like.


akin to
pork.
Wow. I just saw this thread. And I'm glad it's here, after seeing what just happened in teh Minilurve. Really hope this thread doesn't die.
mahoganycow
Wow. I just saw this thread. And I'm glad it's here, after seeing what just happened in teh Minilurve. Really hope this thread doesn't die.


It won't.
And if people quit bitching, it won't get a spanking from the Mods, like it's little sister did, either.
Astaire's avatar

4,900 Points
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  • Forum Sophomore 300
zero the last decepticon
mahoganycow
Wow. I just saw this thread. And I'm glad it's here, after seeing what just happened in teh Minilurve. Really hope this thread doesn't die.


It won't.
And if people quit bitching, it won't get a spanking from the Mods, like it's little sister did, either.


And they were taking bets on how long WE'D last. rofl

Regardless, I'm wondering how everyone else was able to write their paradelle so easily. I'm still struggling with my final stanza... ARRRRGH

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