Anyone else can't stand Twilight?

Are you a?

fan?	28.5%	[ 2002 ]
hater?	32.9%	[ 2308 ]
neutral?	28.1%	[ 1974 ]
Edward is teh HOT	10.4%	[ 732 ]
Total Votes:			[ 7016 ]

[Hole-y Bucket]

You know, your rant reminded me of one thing that I like about Bella:

She's human.

In her emotions, and otherwise.

I mean, I can sympathise with the, DIEDIEDIE humanssss mentality. I look at so many things every day and think, "Well gosh, we're screwed, aren't we?" Rarely, if ever, do I consciously think, "Yes, this is me being a cow to my descendants." It's always someone else's fault ... and yet, I'm not ever denying that I'm the one doing this. I recognise that I'm one of the humans - everyone, basically - being a pig-headed human by, well, living.

I don't like the way I look at things. Why would I like it on Bella, either? Why would I like that she treats her friends the way she does? I don't. I absolutely hate it. (I don't refer to my friends as golden retrievers or anything, by the way. I've been called a b***h during a fight, but hey, I'm not blaming that on them. I can be a major one. Anyway, point is that when I said "I don't like the way I look at things" I was referring to the above paragraph ... not the thing about how she treats her friends. Okay? Doubt removed. I hope I don't look like a completely horrible person.)

Having forgotten about it, reading now that Bella got angry at her father for telling her mother that she nearly died, I wanted to slap her. Even if I hadn't been in this thread for a good portion of the afternoon, I'd still want to. You, girl, almost got hit by a truck. Now put yourself in your mother's shoes. Wouldn't you want to know about that? I think you would. Nrrrgh. </3

Ha. I like Jessica, too. Even the first chapter of Edward's version of Twilight on Ms Meyer's website wouldn't deter my likage. In fact, it intensified it. whee

Yes. But back to my - oh, gross, right? - Sole Thing (or one of few, in any case) that I like about the Almighty Swan.

She stayed with Edward. This could be my inner romantic slaying everything that I've established so far, but really, I absolutely love that she stayed. Not because she values his personality or anything, which may be the case - but that, as you mentioned, it might as well be because Edward is pretty. (And I don't deny that he is. If I were in her position, I think I might've jumped his bones and gotten arrested for it, too.) If she ends up being killed and then turned into a vampire by our resident God-Like Vampire, I am going to laugh. Because, well, she stayed, didn't she? And she was killed. She might've gotten what she wanted, but she was killed because she stayed. And that's a mistake.

That's human.

Now forgive me for stating something that I like about Bella. I swear I'll find something that I dislike and post a 50-page essayrant in apologies.

[Minari]

Oh. My. God. A minute of silence -awe and all that- and then a round of ******** applause! The golden retriever? Yes! The "you told mom"? Yes! The holier-than-thou attitude? Hell YES! These are all things that I read and I just about wanted to throw the book at the wall. I wanted to scream and shout and hunt down the author and ask her how the hell she thought this character was likeable. And you said everything perfectly. Thank you. I feel that great weight lifted, knowing that someone else sees it.

[Hole-y Bucket]

Haha. Don't worry, I see it through a magnifying glass.

Here's a comforting thought: From now on, when everyone around me is claiming depression, I'll cheer myself up by thinking, "Well, at least I'm not Bella!" I will then proceed to annoy the living daylights out of said Everyone I Know because gosh, how is it possible to be so cheery in a world so bleak?

Hee. Good stuff. :]

...until I think, "Wait. I do act like Bella. (Sometimes.)" I'll probably then join the 'I think I'm depressed, today,' bandwagon just as everybody else hops off, and proceed to be vaguely irritable until dinner.

[Minari]

I've caught myself thinking that sometimes. I'll be like, "hey, why the hell are you liking that, humanity?" ...(realize who that sounds like) "but I still love you eek "

Now, I know you haven't read the book in forever, but did you ever come across a point where her arrogance seemed like it might be based on something?

[Hole-y Bucket]

I think we all might've done that one or twice - or, at least, wistfully pictured ourselves Utterly Pwning Bella in the "I'm nice, see?" department. xd

Apart from myself, you mean? wink

Ho hum. Probably, yeah, although I never did figure out what it was based on. Possibly every teenage girl in existance.

[Minari]

Dude, when I'm mentally pwn-ing Bella, I leave namby-pamby "niceness" alone and go at her with a mallet!

Well, okay, wrong question. Of course she thinks she's better than everyone else. What makes it different is
1) The author doesn't seem to think she is.
2) No one ever calls her on it (more of a 1.b than a "2", but whatev.) and
3) Everyone (the fans) seems to think it's somehow merited. WTF?

Also, I just typed up a two-page list on why I hate Twilight... should I even bother to post it?

Outcries

Possibly every teenage girl in existance.

Hey! I resemble that remark wink

[Hole-y Bucket]

1) So much for "every author is their own worst critic." Although I suppose Ms Meyer probably critics herself... just not Bella.
2) We should infiltrate Ms Meyer's mind and have her write us as characters. Characters with an infinte vocabulary and pwnage skills.
3) Eh. They're fans. I know that I fangirl hopelessly over the stuff that I like, and god knows I adore their every fault, claiming that it makes them all the more human. XD;

Post it, definitely!

Heh. You know it's true. wink

[Minari]

Alright, a cookie to anyone who actually reads this thingXD And no, this isn't a finished version razz Any comments about how much time I have on my hands will be severely punished. And now, without further ado...

Why I Hate Twilight!

-Bella the b***h (and other unsavory terms)
**Constantly thinks condescendingly about other humans, especially people who she occasionally calls “friends”, even though she's just as petty, superficial, closed-minded, and shallow as them.
**Falls “in love” for no reason and immediately has no life without Ed. Clingy desperation, much?
**Is annoyed when people like her (eg. Mike, Eric, Tyler, etc)
**Seems to think “clumsy” constitutes a character flaw (okay, this is more a problem with Ms. Meyer, but... that's what this all is, right?)
**Shows no interest in anyone but herself (with one exception :stare). I mean, the only times she worries about Jessica is when Mike is bother her and she knows that an easy way to make him stop would be for Jess. You can bet that if she thought Jess liked Ed she wouldn't give a damn and might just make out with him in public out of spite.

-Vampires: the Mary-Sue race
**Damn straight they are! Ms. Meyer has taken every weakness vampires had a thrown them in the literary Would-Screw-Up-My-Plot trash bin. Instead of demeaning her beautiful Edward, Ms. Meyer came up with and interesting solution: take away the flaws! So now they are incredibly fast, strong, and beautiful, with nifty Magykal Powerz and... can't be killed by sunlight or stakes and would probably blunt any axe attempting to behead them. That's some mad l33t species-building skillz there.
**They shine. 'Nuff said.
**Their speshulness is an excuse not to make them interesting as people. Species/race should only every be a supplement to character, the garnishing, if you will, not the character itself.

-Edward, the anti-character
**That's right, I said it. Just as Bella exists only as a place-holder for the reader, Edward exists only as wish-fulfillment. He's never wrong or bad and the only times he makes mistakes are when he -gasp- just can't resist his love for Bella! Character development? What character development?
**He seems to be a little spastic, but that could be said for the entire story.
**Ms. Meyer totally uses Bella's first-person POV to avoid telling us WTF is going on with him. But that's another post for another time... (see below)

-Side Character abuse, alert and alarm!
**The minor characters (Ie anyone who isn't Bella or a vampire) exist solely to make the main characters look good. Jessica is the girl who just likes Bella for the popularity? Mike, Eric, and Tyler only like Bella because she's new? Not that they have any reasons for liking her otherwise, but I would think that would count against her, not them Clearly this is to make Bella and Edward look mature. Another interesting way of achieving the ends- most authors would just make their characters mature.
**The minor characters also appear to have lives which revolve around the MC's. We're still not sure why. But you can bet that Mike will both date and ditch his girlfriend, depending on Bella's command and that Jessica lives to hear about Bella's romantic endevours.
**And yet, the minor characters are the ones that won my heart. Jessica I like, because she's a little petty some times. That's right. And because she seems to actually care about Bella and her other friends and because... she fell for a human boy? I'm sure this is supposed to suggest that she doesn't have as refined taste in men, but...
**It doesn't because my favorite character is Mike. He's sweet. He's goofy. He doesn't get over-obsessive. He's let down by Bella and bums hard, but moves on. And yet, while he does like her, he's so much more interesting a love interest than Ed. Mike doesn't have superpowers or superbeauty, but he does what he can. He's up against an incredible foe and, I don't know about you, but my heart went out to him when Ed carried Bella to the nurse's office. He wanted to impress this girl so bad and this beautiful, superhuman guy outdoes him every time. Seriously, underdog > superman. Every. Damn. Time. Which leads nicely to...

-The “Romance”
**Romance? What “romance”? All I see is two perfect people dragging out the anticipation before the sweaty smex scene! Ohwait... same thing?
**This really ought to be the most destructive relationship ever. I mean, Bella meets this guy. She loves him. He hates her. He loves her. They love each other. Endofstory.
**Dependency like WOAH! Nearly the day after they meet she starts getting full-blown depressed when he doesn't come to school. She finds that she can't be angry at him. She's risking her life every time she goes to meet him, therefor she decides that he's worth more than her life. This is Not. Good. Ask any psychologist and they'll tell you that that's gonna end in tears. But the fans claim it's “different because its -le gasp!- Twu Wuv”. I. Think. Not.
**Where is the love? It seems to me like the basis of their “relationship” is her smell and his looks. I'm pretty sure we can all agree that that's sad and disturbing.
**She threw away the best part! The actual falling! It's supposed to happen slowly... there's supposed to be intimacy and sweetness and awkwardness. Their relationship is supposed to go so deep you can feel it pulsating in the core of the earth itself. But no. It's right-off-the-bat in love. They both know it instantly. From then on it's just fighting to stop his species from keeping them apart. Pfft.
**Where is the drama? The only negative influences on their relationship are outside ones; namely Ed's vampireness. And that's only really a problem he has, since Bella could care less whether she lived or died. Nope, they never fight and they never irritate each other. But I addressed this before. So I'll quote myself, “You need the throwing things and the screaming and the walking out the the door- you need those for a relationship.” If Edward and Bella's perfect, “would die for you, would lie for you, would kill the me inside for you” relationship is real love then I'll pass, thanks.

-The writing and other odds and ends
**Ms. Meyer's first-person POV sucks. She just can't pull it off. Why is that? Because she doesn't find a way to explain anything but Bella. We never get to know how Edward works because Bella never thinks it, of course, and Ms. Meyer shows no other way of expressing it.
**Ms. Meyer apparently doesn't understand Bella herself, because she never shows us her flaws. It's been argued that this is because Bella doesn't think about those things, either, but that doesn't work: what about other people's reactions to Bella? So maybe Bella wouldn't go around thinking, “gawd, I'm such a b***h” but if Ed mentioned something along those lines, maybe Bella wouldn't look like such a Mary-Sue.
**There is no semblance of a plot, at least, not so far as you'd notice 300 pages in. Whudafuxup wit dat?
**The vampires, it's been said, are beautiful to attract their pray. But why? They can move faster than the human eye and stop cars with their bare hands; what do they need to attract them for? It's not like it even works anyway; everyone (but BellaXP) avoids the Cullens in school.

[Minari]

And I'm getting off now, because it's 3 AM@.@ 'Nuff said.

[Hole-y Bucket]

Minari

**She threw away the best part! The actual falling! It's supposed to happen slowly... there's supposed to be intimacy and sweetness and awkwardness. Their relationship is supposed to go so deep you can feel it pulsating in the core of the earth itself. But no. It's right-off-the-bat in love. They both know it instantly. From then on it's just fighting to stop his species from keeping them apart. Pfft.

This is why I absolutely adore good romance books. If you're not willing to look stupid, you don't deserve to fall in love. (Wait, hold up -- everyone deserves to fall in love, sorry. It's a quote that I've read... somewhere. Couldn't help it. :) I've read fiction online that can be summarised in one (painful) paragraph:

They absolutely hated each other for reasons no one else ever understood. They were both beautiful and they contrasted the other, with her dark and beautiful (it's always the female that's dark, isn't it?) and him popular and handsome. Despite the fact that no one knew who the ******** she was, the two always managed to get into shouting matches. It was during one of these shouting matches that Romantic Heartthrob Guy saw her blaze with intense anger and passion and decided, "Ah, to her I will marry!" He asked her out. She slapped him. (I call abuse!) He did not hold it against her, however, because he was a horny teenage boy and she was Omg Teh Hot. So he kept trying, until one day he found her sobbing because her boyfriend was Omg Teh Mean and Omg Teh Hot did not like mean people (-- despite the fact that, you know, all evidence has pointed out that she is a b***h.) So Romantic Heartthrob Guy said some incredibly cheesy words, Omg Teh Hot destroyed them with her wit, but RHG didn't care because suddenly they were kissing and in wedding outfits and now Omg Teh Hot is in labour and GRANDKIDS.

In Twilight, it was more of:

So there's this guy. I met him less than a week ago. I love him almost as much as my pet rock. THIS MUST BE TRUE LOVE.

Maybe I'm too hard on Bella ... but it's amusing, so whatever. xd

If the romance were pulled off tastefully, I'd probably enjoy the novel more than I do. But I'm a romantic at heart and Twilight makes me want to possess David Bowie's body, walk into the middle of the most crowded city square on Earth and yell out, "listen, wankers, if you can't write romance DON'T WRITE IT. period."

This is why it took me forever to read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Price, you know. Raging Chest Monsters? Somebody call the hospital, not the romantics. gonk

Edit: 'Night, Nari. <3

[Aldorel]

Ineni

It's not nearly as bad as the Princess Diaries, though- at least Bella is a little more 3-D than that (she's not quite as over-the-top mushy about her love interest, and has no sense of logic) and Edward has his faults- he's stubborn and a martyr.

There's a book with a female lead more infatuated than Bella?
Thank you for warning me. I'll just get my lithazard suit. ninja

Outcries

I forgot about Alice and Emmett. Well, not really. It's just that, to me, they are Jasper and Rosalie - so there's AliceandJasper and EmmettandRosalie. My adoration spreads to all but ... well. The people you'd honestly expect people to like (the main MCs.)

I really need to buy New Moon. I can't continue disliking Twilight if I haven't even read the latest installment. XD

New Moon is worse. Anything with the review containinig "The black pit that had become her life" is trouble.

And when I read my mom the quote at the back of Twilight
(About three things I was certain...)
She said: "Yeah, that's over the top. They weren't doing her any favors putting that on the back."
Me: "Um... that's a major line in the actual book."
xd

Although, I agree. I much prefer Jasper and Emmet to Edward. Possibly because Mrs. Meyer hasn't decided to exercize her character building skillz on them yet.

[Aldorel]

Minari

You know, the first thing that sprang to my mind at "Isabella Swan" was "Elizabeth Swann"... interesting, no?

The last name 'Swan' says 'I can't come up with a better name for my female lead.' Honestly, I just want to see a male lead named Swan.

Minari

It's too easy for an author to say, "there. You're a vampire (or a pirate) now I don't have to work at making you deep or interesting because, hey, what's more interesting than a vampire?!" In other words, it's a cop-outXP

True, that. It's not so much that he's a Oh Em Gee Sparkly vampire, but that that's apparently a substitute for real character development. I can't think of a single personality trait of his that doesn't directly tie in to his awesome vampireness. rolleyes

Outcries

2) We should infiltrate Ms Meyer's mind and have her write us as characters. Characters with an infinte vocabulary and pwnage skills.

That's why there's fanfic! xd
Which brings me to - would it be bad form to intentionally write bad Twilight Fanfic? It would be intensely satisfying... but it would break the "Do unto others" rule in so many places. So, so many places.
*sigh*