Can I start by saying that capitalization is your friend, punctuation, darling, would be appreciated. Tags after at least some of the speaking pieces so you can tell who's talking, some form of descriptive anything... When you look over this just go through and put a periods when people are done talking, capitalize the first work of every sentence that follows the aforementioned punctuation. And I realize this is Twilight so it's not too good anyway, but this is still someone else's work so do well by the author and at least get their names right. Also, no LOLing, in real writing text talk is not appropriate unless someone's writing a text. Also make sure you spell out words rather than abbreviating, like U...
Hope this helped you a bit hun, don't let a few people discourage you.
You know..I am not a Twilight fan,a dn I thight, just for the hell of it, I'll read it. Just to see how wel this person did. True story. But I will not even attempt to read this, until everything is spelled properly
the chracters: bella, jacob, and Edward COPYRIGHT STEFFANY MAYOR
TWILIHT FANFIC EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAY TENSION THERES ALOT OF A SURPRISE SENES IN THE CLIMAX
BUT U NEED TO RATE AND REVIEW
THIS ISCHAPTER 2 I LOST CHAPTER 1 SORRY GUYS!!!!!! BUT YEAH SO WHATEVER
Jacob standing in his fur made a mad face in the shadows by a tree at the woods he is very agnry. he waits he is
spying on bella an eduardo who is looking suave and bella naiive next to edward staring at hwer earing necklace that
but Oif edward thinks in his tuxedo
"hmmmm i don't know" edward fixes he's velvet bow red tie an bella wacthes her fingers.
"Well" she says "i don't know either so don't look to me about tat"
"Hnm okay sorry did u know jackass ob is watching us did U know?" oviously jelly with his sexy glacne of jelussy.
"no! i would never cheat on you shut up okay!" bella crossing her arms now bit slite hesitation of.
"b***h u r way louder then me dough!" he grabs her forward forehead and smooches mean to her but is ending up
getting slaped rit now from fast bella actoin indeed.
"hey" jacob walks in to there
"sup" edward being very unpredictable on prupoise or bella will pick jacob.
"i heard u hurt bella my eyes told me"
"you are very wrong my brother she is the one that slapped my cheek"
"oh kay i'll buy that"
"bella is my lover and she is not for sale unfortunatly
"haha h i alredy know"
bella sees jake going over to him guiltily
"um what do you mean by that?"
"what" both in synchronised voices remain.
"nothing nvm bye"
"where u going?" jacob grabsed her waist
she said girl problems as she rolled her eyes then leaved.
after bella went home it was just jacob and edwart now uh oh
edward is so so mad he is so so angry he punches jake down with his and vampire speed
to bad for edward jake is a broot and really strong he staddled edward with stregtnh alone.
"heh" poor edward smiled "what are you going too do now?"
"kiss u fucer" he frowns said reluctintly in disgust, "so u stay away"
"f**!!!!! EW I'M TELLING BELLA TOMOROW U FAGOT!!""
bella heard them so decided she should came back
"what are you too doing?" she questioned
"i was about to kis him"
"ok. Ew why?"
"i know but i don't care no more! you're mine dat his taking away!"
"kiss me first then jsut a frendship kiss dough okay?"
"do u know what you're saying bella??!" edward hised
"yes this is for our good"
"i'll kiss you bella you can't take it back" jacob didnt hide his excitments
"go" she whispered to edward while jace looked at his wacth for a second.
"i don't know if i should"
"well i don't know either so don't look too me about it" she winked
"just kiding i know for sure i won't bella, don't okay"
"here i am trying to save ur a** and u give me no thanx"
jacob was gone all of a sudden how bella and edward was confused in to silence
"LOL he left becuase you took to long"
"anyway its not safe ill protect u come inside this tent i made"
"my parents told me i don't belong with u i just figured this out an they don't want me to come home yet unles
i set things straigt"
"u are all i have right now bella"
bella sighed deep
"i don't know if i should say this but u look cute"
"haha at least your pretty"
"i know, right? i was born this way"
"do you like lady gaga?"
"i used to but not anymore i guess do you?"
"nah she sucks"
"i know right do you want to hear me sing?"
"seeing ur face is making my heart sing"
"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw bbayyyyyyyyyy that was lovely"
"haha yes indeed"
"i made up my mind, i choose you over jacob"
"really? daaaaaaaang i'm lucky"
"no i am"
"thanks i love you"
jacob kidnapped bella in his arms while she took her napnight next to edward. he knew edward was to dangerous so
orchestraited all the event that happende tonight. jacob is a wolf weregenius this is why u should never mess with or jacob for
this was his plan from the intro.
bella awokaned to a screamb "tell me why you are doing th"
"beccause" "five pack of wolfs will slit him"
"no!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! you can't!" she cried
"i can't do anything bout it bella: two bad sorry"
"if u cant then y did you take me?"
"i steel know i have to save you.. ."
Bela tuned to leaf than jacob pulled her againts him. "stop let me go" she snaped.
"are you mad?" he tickled bella all over her bod bella said stop couldnt resit through.
"haaaaaaaahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahaha stop enough hahahahhahahahahhhahaa" she gigled
"haha theres the bella i want to see again"
"i already chose edward i'm sorry"
"i chose you even befro all that bull"
it was time for a snack. no reglar snick, it was a snack for were wolves only bella felt awkward at the table
trying to keep secret pukes dow.
"so how does it taste, good yeah?" jacobs mom asked
"excuse me be right back"
jacob went along to
"you ok? here" he gives her a paper heart to throw up on
"aaaaaaw thank you that was sweet"
"you havent seen how sweet as honey i can be if you gave me a chance bella"
"please bella just this once at least look at me only pleae"
"tomoroww im planning to leave to go too edward since i know he's not dead"
"i wish he was dead"
"******** u jacob"
"did you know edward is actualy you're blood related bro"
"i found one of the documents it says he is"
"but i'm not a vampire and wheres the logic if a vampire like edward is my brother suddinly?"
"it doesn't mean tts imposibble since your real dead dad was a human of ur kind"
"show me the document\"
"are you sure ok here you go" he took it under his poket
"oh my god your right"
"i told u why would i li to you bella"
"damit what the hell how can this happen i don't know how to feel right now!!"
"i hope you feel better i'm going see ya"
"don't go jacob i'm scared be by my side" he latches him
"u don't lik me"
"im choosing you"
CHAPTER 3 WILL BE OUT SOONER OR LATER BE PATIENT SHE THEERES MANY MORE TO COME SO PREPARE TOR YOUR REVIEW IT
PLEASE OK THIS IS NOT THE END FOR FANS OF EDWARD DON’T WORRY!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smile<3